Cherish
by MarblePlum
Summary: Sometimes the most unexpected person can make you feel beautiful again. And sometimes the most expected person can make you feel whole again. AUUC. Tobanny fic with CrAshSellie.
1. Chapter 1

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Cherish

Hello! Okay, so I tackled a future fan fic. I must be a glutton for punishment, because I've decided to do a UC/AU one next. I've left a lot of things canon, though, being that this takes place a month after _Weddings, Parties, Anything_.So let's see: Cranny just started dating; Manny's living with Emma; Spinner and Darcy are sort of dating; Liberty's pregnant and J.T.'s trying to help; Ellie got rejected by Craig, while Jimmy's interested in her (still dating Hazel for now); Emma's single, ready to mingle; and so on and so on. The huge thing for this fic is that both Sean and Ashley return for the remainder of the school year, that is Craig and Ellie's senior year. And yep, the Ali situation and Sellie's dating history matter in this story.

However, this is a Tobanny (as in Toby and Manny) story. Weird, right? Well, I came up with this idea shortly after I wrote the Jaitlin/CrAsh wedding fic, where Tobanny's basically a ship that gets together under the radar while CrAsh is the focus. I'm flip-flopping it. Tobanny's the main event, and two other ships (Sellie/CrAsh) take up the other two plots. In case you haven't noticed, I ship all three. I wouldn't recommend this to a Cranny fan (seriously...never liked them), but I like Manny enough to sort them out...nicely. :P I play with a couple other UC couples before I go into the big ones, because I'm weird. So be warned.

Also, have to say that of course, this is after the scandalous video storyline, and that's referenced a lot. I address the issue with her parents at times, her acting career, anything that shapes Manny's psyche at this point. Now, what strong, provocative woman could provide the soundtrack for a Manny story? Madonna? Yeah, that's right. LOL. Each chapter is named after a Madonna song. And, that is all. :D

I. Express Yourself

Don't go for second best baby

Put your love to the test you know, you know you've got to

Make him express how he feels and maybe

Then you'll know your love is real

You don't need diamond rings or eighteen karat gold

Fancy cars that go very fast you know they never last no, no

What you need is a big strong hand to Lift you to your higher ground

Make you feel like a queen on a throne

Make him love you till you can't come down, You'll never come down (chorus)

Long stem roses are the way to your heart but He needs to start with your head

Satin sheets are very romantic What happens when you're not in bed

You deserve the best in life So if the time isn't right then move on

Second best is never enough, You'll do much better baby on your own, baby on your own (chorus)

Express yourself

You've got to make him

Express himself

Hey, hey, hey, hey

So if you want it right now, make him show you how

Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not

And when you're gone he might regret it

Think about the love he once had

Try to carry on, but he just won't get it

He'll be back on his knees to express himself

You've got to make him express himself, hey hey

Her feet crinkle across the plastic covering placed meticulously on the floor, petite hands clutching paintbrushes as she passes. Manny Santos smooths down her smock, glances over the shoulder of one petite Picasso and smiles.

"Is that a duck?" she asks. "It's really good."

Alyssa adds some more orange to the beak. "Yes. I was thinking of doing a swan. But I can't do it."

Manny nods. "You'll get it."

She rubs Alyssa's shoulder, starts circling the room again. The community center is full of bright color: light green walls, red and blue beanbag chairs, pictures plastered across the message board. Sunlight streams through the window, lighting all the easels the twelve kids are working on. Manny has no regrets about accepting the position, on focusing on something other than acting since Snake told her that she was limited to drama club, who had no productions on the horizon. Besides, the kids here brought their own drama, just as riveting, and she could barely keep up with them on most days. Today has been fairly quiet at least, thinks Manny.

"I want yellow!" shouts Ryan, trying to grab a small can out of Taylor's hand.

"You're hogging all the green!" Taylor shouts back.

"No, I'm not!! Manny!! Manny!" cries Ryan, yanking the can closer to him.

"Manny, make him stop!" yells Taylor.

Manny groans. So much for peace. She takes the paint can from their grasp, hands it back to Taylor, and gets some more green paint for both of them.

"Don't make me put you guys in time-out," threatens Manny.

Sure they got on her nerves occasionally, and she still wasn't sure if taking up Emma's offer to assist the arts teacher was the best thing, but she loved helping the kids draw, dance, act, create. There were always the biggest smiles on their faces after making their little masterpieces, and that was pretty much all the payment Manny received, and up until then, it had been enough. However, last night, she got a phone call that she wasn't expecting.

Snake handed the phone to her, with a mix between a grin and a grimace on his face, and Manny put it to her ear. Emma shrugged at her.

"Hello?" said Manny, twirling the chord.

"Manuellita, are you well? Are you eating?" asked a familiar voice.

"Mom," gasped Manny. "Yeah...I'm fine. I'm eating. I can't believe you called. I mean, I can but..."

Manny's voice trails off, anxious to hear more of her mother's sweet voice, which she hadn't heard for months.

"Are you wearing your coat? It's getting chilly now."

"Yes, the pink one you got me last Christmas."

"Oh, that's a good coat," says Ms. Santos, and Manny can detect that she's talking through tears at this point.

"How are you...and Dad?"

"We're alright. Don't worry about us. So we talked to Mr. Simpson...about some arrangements."

Manny's brow wrinkles. "Arrangements? For what?"

"About you staying there," replies Miss Santos. "I'm still going to pay for school things. Supplies, any fees."

Manny's mouth hangs open. She was really touched that her mother was willing to pay for anything, especially since she was sure that her father most likely didn't know. Still, she'd been hoping her parents would invite her back home the first time they talked.

"But since you're sixteen, we think it'd be good if you got a part-time job to get other things you want, like make-up, clothes, plus help Emma's family pay for groceries," continues Ms.Santos.

As much as a part-time job didn't appeal to her, the idea of getting new clothes after wearing Emma's old outfits for weeks thrilled her. She wasn't sure where to look, though.

"I'll look for one," said Manny.

"Good," said Miss Santos. "And I hear there's a school ski trip coming up."

Manny stares blankly at the phone, then guesses that Snake probably told her before handing her the phone.

"Yeah, not for two weeks," replied Manny. "I won't have enough money in time. The job at the community service doesn't pay."

She truly wanted to go. Craig was going, while Emma had declined. She told Manny that she was sick of being their third wheel, but Manny guessed that her ravine adventures with Jay was the real cause, that Emma had grown sick of being the subject of ridicule. Manny tried to convince her that if she could go after the whole Degrassi Girls Gone Wild video debacle, Emma could go. Emma wouldn't give in.

"I'll pay," offered Miss Santos.

Manny shook her head. "You don't have to. I don't have to go."

"Manny, I miss doing things for you. Making you lunch, shopping for you. Just let me do something. Please. Papa won't know," said Miss Santos, her voice choking a bit.

The sentiment was the same on her end. She missed her mother's meals, her soft but well-meaning advice, talking about the Kevin Smith movie with her, that easy understanding. It's something she never got with her father; a five-minute conversation with him was a rarity.

"Okay, Mom. Thanks," said Manny, softly.

"I'll give Snake the money. Have fun, but not too much," said Miss Santos.

"Not too much," said Manny, smiling. "Can I talk to Dad?"

"He's at work, sweetie."

"Can you tell him to call me?"

"He doesn't...I'll tell him you're okay. The acting thing still upsets him. You understand, right?"

"I...I understand. Bye Mom. Love you."

"Love you, Manuellita. Keep safe."

Manny hung up the phone, wouldn't look at Emma or Snake, and retreated to the bathroom. She locked the door, let the tears spill, used half a roll of toilet paper to dry her eyes. Would her father ever get her, want to support her? At times, she felt so dirty, so ugly in his presence when she was living there, especially since her straight-laced brother Joseph Jr. ran a successful printing company in Montreal. To quote her father, he was "doing something with his life, not just wandering around with his head in the clouds." Manny sighed, put on her usual beaming face, and went to help Emma set the table for dinner.

A sharp yell breaks Manny out of her memory, and she turns to see Beth, usually mild-mannered, pulling Alyssa's jet-black hair.

"Owww!" moans Alyssa, twisting her neck as Beth pulls.

"Beth! Beth!" shouts Manny, getting Alyssa's hair out of Beth's grasp. "What's the matter with you!"

"She copied my picture!" complains Beth. "I was drawing a duck."

"That's no way to behave," chastises Manny.

"I wanted to draw a swan, but I couldn't," defends Alyssa. "Your picture inspired me."

"It doesn't matter," snaps Beth. "Because you're an ugly duckling just like your stupid picture."

Alyssa's eyes tear up. "Shut up!"

Alyssa makes a grab for Beth, but Manny gets in between them. Miss O'Neil comes into the room, obviously having heard the noise.

"Beth, time-out!" yells Manny. "Alyssa, hallway."

The girls obey, Mrs O' Neill following Beth to a corner, and Manny leading Alyssa outside. Alyssa wipes her eyes, sniffles.

"Don't let girls like that bug you," says Manny.

"She's right. I am ugly. I don't look like the other girls," whispers Alyssa.

Manny immediately liked Alyssa, not only because she was the sole Filipina in the group, but because she tried so hard at all the activities. The endeavors usually ended with her putting herself down, saying it wasn't good enough, but she didn't stop trying.

"Who cares? You're beautiful the way you are," says Manny, hugging her.

"You get paid to say stuff like that," murmurs Alyssa, glaring at Manny and going back into the room.

"Um, no I don't," says Manny to herself, banging herself on the forehead. "Kids!"

"Having trouble with Generation Y, or is it Generation Z now?" says a voice to her left.

She looks, grins as Craig heads towards her. He was armed with two cups of coffee, his guitar case strapped to his back. He'd probably just come right before practice to see her, which made her heart warm with delight.

"Energy booster," says Craig, handing her a cup.

"Awww, you know just want a girl needs," says Manny, kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Yeah, I'm pretty good like that," jokes Craig, putting down his guitar.

"And I have news. Really good news. The ski trip? I'm going!" exclaims Manny, after taking a long sip.

"Really?" says Craig. "Oh."

Manny's face tightens. "Oh. That's it? No this is great, Manny!"

Craig gives her a weak smile. "Oh yeah, yeah, it's great. Of course it's great. Just surprised is all."

"It's just we haven't been spending that much time together," says Manny. "You're concentrating on your music, which I totally respect. And then I'm here."

"I'm excited you're going. You caught me off guard," says Craig.

"Good," says Manny, kissing his cheek. "You have to show me how to ski. And I'll try my best to school you in skating. There's a rink at the cabin. Your height should help. You have good posture."

Craig laughs. "Thanks for noticing."

Manny clears her throat. "Gotta get back. See you tonight?"

"Mmm, practice. Ellie's got this new idea for a song, but since we're not really talking, Jimmy's basically playing mediator so it's going to take more time. I was nice to her at the wedding. Not sure what's going on there."

"It's pretty obvious what's going on, but whatever," says Manny, rolling her eyes. "Sip."

Manny finishes her coffee. "And kiss," she says, buzzing Craig's lips again.

"Don't forget to use the safety scissors," shouts Craig behind her.

Manny sticks her tongue out at him, goes back into the room. He said he was excited, but he could've fooled her by that unenthusiastic response. Why were things different this time around? The first time they dated, albeit behind Ashley's back, he couldn't wait to spend time with her. He'd ask her all these questions, about herself, about her goals, but this time, they spent the majority of their time flirting or kissing. But they'd only been dating for a month or so, and he'd just suffered a horrible break-up with Ashley, though she didn't know the particulars.

"Okay, let's finish up, guys!" commands Manny, noticing that Beth had somehow finagled her way out of timeout.

Mrs. O' Neill did always have a weak spot for Beth. Manny searches for Alyssa, who has torn her picture apart, her small hands grasping a portion that held the duck's head.

"You okay?" asks Manny, sitting down next to her.

"Leave me alone," says Alyssa.

She heads for the time-out corner, as Manny sighs, picks up the rest of the pieces.

II.

Toby Isaacs yawns, watches as the movie onscreen flashes by on fast forward, the stench of burnt popcorn filling his noise. His best friend crunches loudly on one kernel, grins giddily as Kirsten Dunst jumps on a bed, whirling her pom-poms around.

"It's hotter on fast forward," notes J.T., finishing the popcorn. "Every guy's wet dream."

"Except yours," says Toby, hiding a smile.

"Quiet, Tobias!" says J.T., casting him an annoyed look. "I'm trying to appreciate the better parts of Bring It On."

"Okay, not that I'm complaining, but you couldn't do this at home?"

"With my religious grandmother checking on me every other minute. Yeah, I'll just pause it when Kirsten's in her underwear. No."

Toby shakes his head. Luckily, the video store was pretty much dead, except for his co-worker, Clara, sticking price stickers on her jeans with a clicker at the far end of the store. It clamps up at one point, but Clara successfully manages one more on her left pants leg.

"Awesome!" cries Clara, sticking devil horns in the air.

"Wow," says J.T., averting his eyes from Kirsten from a second. "Not the smartest apple on the tree, is she?"

"Boss' niece, but she's nice," says Toby. "Easy to manage."

Clara looks at them, winks at Toby.

"And apparently smitten," adds J.T., chuckling. "This is way more entertaining than the movie. You should totally go for it. She's pretty... in an odd way."

Toby offers J.T. a shy smile. Clara, blonde-haired with red streaks and green eyes, was pretty. She even liked anime, computer games, and made sure her food was kosher. At the same time, he saw her as a friend more than anything else. Maybe because she was so pushy.

"I don't know," says Toby.

"The Kendra drought needs to end sometime," says J.T. "Seize the day, my friend. Since my ex is carrying a baby, I have to live vicariously through you to have like...a life, basically."

Suddenly, J.T.'s ringtone goes off.

Even though the stars are blind, if you show me real love baby, I'll show you mine. I can make it nice and naughty, be the devil and angel too...

"Please don't tell me that's Paris Hilton," says Toby, covering his ears.

"She's hot," protests J.T. "Have you seen the video? She's on the beach and..."

"Ugh!" groans Toby. "Don't you have to go work at the convenience store soon? Actually be productive?"

"Fine, avoid the subject," says J.T., grabbing his backpack. "You've become way too serious ever since you became vice president. You and Liberty let political power go to your heads. At least Bill Clinton had a sense of humor...and a sex life."

Toby pushes him from behind the counter, towards the exit. J.T. salutes Clara, who salutes back.

"Carry on," says J.T., then leaving.

Clara whirls around, skips happily to Toby, who pretends to check the list of new releases so he won't have to interact with her.

"I'm finally getting the last season of Sailor Moon," announces Clara, beaming at him.

"Subbed or dubbed?" asks Toby.

"Hello, subbed. I need to hear the Japanese, thank you very much," says Clara. "English isn't the only language in the world."

"Girl after my own heart," praises Toby, fingers tracing the words on the list.

"Really?" says Clara, touching his arm.

Toby coughs, moves his arm. Clara frowns, heads to the backroom.

Toby knows J.T.'s on to something, that he should be trying to date after the two-year relationship with Kendra. She didn't return his calls after she transferred to another school with a better gymnastics program. He was sure she'd moved on, but there weren't too many Kendras in the world. No, scratch that. There weren't too many girls willing to go out with him in the world. It wasn't so bad flirting with Paige or Hazel or whoever, just for fun, but a serious relationship would just remind him of times he spent with Kendra, times he supposed meant nothing to her now. Maybe if he sent her an e-card on her birthday she'd...no, thinks Toby. It's over.

And Clara. It was worth a shot, right? He puts down the list, starts for the backroom, but is interrupted by the tinkle of a bell, letting him know that someone has entered the store.

"You guys better have _Clueless,_" exclaims Manny, walking towards the counter.

"We always have it," replies Toby. "Ever since _Mean Girls_, it's been on the shelf permanently."

"No one knows the real classics anymore. Lindsay Lohan over Alicia? I think not," says Manny, finding the empty video cassette.

Toby takes the cassette from her, finds a copy in the backroom where Clara is removing stickers from her jeans. He doesn't say a word to her, but she peeps out at Manny.

"Rough day at the center," says Manny, pretending to wipe her brow. "And of course, the boyfriend is busy so this is the answer. Hopefully, Emma isn't watching CNN. Weird girl."

"But we love her anyway," says Toby, laughing.

"Strangely, yes," says Manny, handing him Snake's card.

Toby swipes the card, looks into Manny's sweet, wide eyes, almost drops it. He couldn't help but find her attractive, but she appeared sadder than usual. There was no way he knew what she'd been going through after the video circulated the school, but being lonely, he knew that feeling all too well.. Manny gives him a polite grin.

"I noticed the sign," says Manny.

She points to a Help Wanted sign that was fixed on the storefront window. Toby nods.

"I'm searching for a job," admits Manny. "What would you have to do?"

"What I'm doing now," says Toby, dropping the video into a bag. "Not glamorous at all. The money's decent, but it's not your thing."

"Yeah," says Manny.

Toby looks behind him, sees that Clara is peering at a couple tapes, and puts a packet of popcorn in the bag, while Manny counts some money. He gives her change, then the bag. Manny notices that the bag is heavier, peeps inside, laughs.

"For your hard day," says Toby.

"Such a freak," laughs Manny, smiling.

"Whatever."

"Thank you, Toby," whispers Manny. "See you at school."

Toby waves, watches her go out. Clara comes up behind him, smacks her lips.

"Free popcorn, eh?" says Clara. "I see how it is."

Clara bumps into Toby, kicks a cardboard Will Ferrell before going outside.

III.

Craig turns on an amp, feeling the vibrations of Jimmy playing guitar under his feet. He nods his head to the music, glances at Marco perusing a Banting pamphlet.

"No college planning during practice," shouts Craig over the sound.

Jimmy stops playing, raises his eyebrows at Marco.

"Hello, some of us care about our future," says Ellie, settling in behind the drums.

"Care about the band's future," says Craig.

"If he didn't care, he wouldn't be here," snaps Ellie, hitting a cymbal.

Craig rolls his eyes. "Um, anyway, let's start."

Frankly, Craig was getting sick of Ellie's snotty attitude. It'd been a month since the wedding fiasco, the gig where Diane's sister only paid them half since they only played one half of the reception. Ellie didn't speak of it, which was so unlike her, and he dare not bring Manny around, at least not yet. That said, he found it very weird for Manny to be around period. She was gorgeous to stare at, but the kisses were more empty than he remembered, the conversations were getting spotty. How he was going to fake like nothing was wrong for the whole ski trip he had no clue. But he sure had a clue as to why he was holding back, why he knew it wasn't Manny's fault.

Ashley. Just the name sent shockwaves through his body, like the electricity in his guitar was racing under his skin. It shouldn't still be like this, should it? She cheated with someone else, some guy named Ali. What kind of name was that anyway? Nope, don't care. But I do, thinks Craig. The last time they were together she said she needed to get away, from him. Well, she did, so what was the problem? What led her to Ali?

"Yo, Hendrix!" yells Jimmy, trying to get Craig's attention.

"What?" shouts Craig.

"Practice," answers Jimmy. "You called it."

"Yeah," says Craig. "El, count us off."

"I don't even know what we're playing," says Ellie, tossing her hair back.

"What we always play first, unless you finally want to share this song of yours," says Craig.

"It's not done yet," says Ellie, standing up. "I don't run on your timeline. I thought a band was a democracy, not a tyranny."

Craig bites his lip. "Oh, so I'm a tyrant now? You really need to cool it, El."

"Yeah, I'll just do that," says Ellie, grabbing her bookbag. "Cool off."

"Feel like throwing a drumstick?" interjects Jimmy, as Marco tries to hold in a laugh.

"Beginning to think I threw one at the wrong person," replies Ellie, staring Craig directly in the eye. "I'm out."

Craig massages his forehead. Would this band ever get it together? Marco goes back to his Banting pamphlet, and Jimmy fetches some water from a cooler next to the couch in Joey's garage. Whatever, thinks Craig, heading to the kitchen where he sees Joey and Diane making out.

"Minor approaching," announces Craig, taking out a soda.

"You're not eighteen yet?" says Diane, pulling away, wiping lipstick off Joey's top lip.

"Next year," answers Craig.

"Practice is over?" asks Joey, putting an arm around Diane.

"Yeah, because my drummer can't control her emotions," complains Craig. "I swear she was much more mellow when she was dating Sean."

"Why do guys always blame the girls?" says Diane, crossing her arms.

Craig shrugs. "I don't understand. One girl's got a crush on me, the other girl I just started dating kind of randomly, and then the girl I want is..."

He stops himself, drops his eyes, while Joey smirks. Diane stares between them, obviously confused.

"Wait," says Diane, counting on her fingers. "Manny, Ellie, and...a third girl?"

"No, no, there isn't," says Craig. "Shooting off at the mouth. You know me. I never make sense."

Starting back to the garage, he overhears Joey and Diane.

"Craig's a pimp," says Diane, giggling.

"Nope, just confused," replies Joey. "But aren't we all?"

IV.

Ellie opens the door of the Dot, still clutching her drumsticks. It's a pretty slow night, but then again, weekdays were usually slow. She passes a table with Spinner and Darcy slurping a milkshake, and waves at him, which he doesn't see since he's so into Darcy.

"Whatev," says Ellie to herself.

Going to the front counter, she orders two cheeseburgers, fries, onion rings, and a large Coke.

"Someone joining you?" asks the cashier.

"Nope, all for me," replies Ellie. "It's not like having no zits is getting me any guys."

The cashier smirks as Ellie takes a seat in a booth by the front window. She reads the menu, pretending to be preoccupied, trying not to reveal that yes, she's lonely. With Ashley in England, and being on the outs with Craig, and now Marco upping his extra curriculars for university, she really has no one. She wasn't cutting anymore, her grades were getting better, and she'd done well on her college entrance exam, so she thought this year would be _her _year. The perfect senior year, with great marks, great memories, and what she believed would be a great boyfriend. Why wasn't Craig interested in her? All those long talks inside and outside group, all those days she stuck around while he moped about Ashley, all those bad lyrics she had to listen to so he'd find the best lyrics. Deep down, she knows she shouldn't have to try this hard, that she had to give up.

"Little emo rat," sighs Ellie, peering down at her cellphone displaying Craig's number.

She scrolls down, sees another number she hadn't used for a while. Sean Hope Cameron. There was a small photo of him in a wifebeater and baggy jeans. A waitress sets down her order, smiles down at Sean's picture.

"Hot," she compliments. "Does he have a girlfriend?"

"Um, you've done your waitress-y thing,"replies Ellie, shooting her a pointed look. "Bye."

The waitress purses her lips. "Why I don't like punk girls," she whispers.

Ellie picks up an onion ring, sniffs it, and drops it in disgust. She didn't even really like them. Glancing out the window, she can see two people making out, the guy groping the girls' butt. For some reason, she can't look away. After a few seconds, she's glad she didn't. A familiar, slouching figure appears behind them. He wears a black T-shirt, and a similar pair of baggy jeans like the one in the photo.

"Sean," whispers Ellie.

She continues to stare at him, and to her surprise, his eyes meet hers. His hair is longer, wavy, the same color. He offers her a shy wave. Why is he back? School?

"Outside," he mouths.

Ellie wasn't sure whether to move or not. The last time she saw him, he'd decided to stay in Wasaga, leaving her with an empty apartment, with the rent. They'd had no contact since then. No, she had to stay in there, keep some amount of her pride. Although, sitting by herself wasn't actually making her feel proud.

She puts some ketchup on her burger, doing her best to ignore Sean. She guesses he's disappeared after a few moments since she can't see him out of the corner of her eye anymore. I'm a brat, she thinks frowning. A shy little brat. But part of her thought he deserved it. At least I didn't throw a drumstick, she smirked to herself. Ugh, what was I thinking then?

"Guys are so not worth the aggravation," says Ellie, pouring some salt on her fries.

A tap on the glass front window of the Dot startles her. Ellie squeals, jumps a bit. Sean. He holds up a piece of paper with some writing. Ellie squints her eyes, reads it.

"I'm back."

Ellie feels her mouth drop, and Sean grins at her. Ellie smiles a bit, not sure what to feel. She grabs a napkin, finds a pen, the same one she used to write the song for the band, one that was basically about Craig, and scribbles some words down. She holds it up to the window, and Sean seems appreciative of the message.

"Welcome back."

Sean smiles at her, the same smile that always made her smile, taps the window one more time, and leaves. Ellie grins down at her food, finding her appetite. She bites into a burger, stares at Sean's backside as he walks down the street. Suddenly, she didn't care that no one was sitting across from her.


	2. Be Careful With My Heart

**II. Be Careful With My Heart (duet with Ricky Martin) **

Be careful with my heart, you could break it

Don't take my love for granted, things could change

Sometimes I go insane

I played the fool and you'll agree

I'll never be the same without you here with me.

Cuidado (please be careful) con mi corazon

Me siento algo desnudo

Cuidado (please be careful) es mi corazon, mi corazon

Be careful with my heart

You could break it

Don't take my love for granted

Things could change

Sometimes I go insane

I played the fool and you'll agree

I'll never be the same

Without you here with me

Cuidado (please be careful) con mi corazon

Carino no me lastimes

Cuidado (please be careful) es mi corazon

Mi corazon

If I could reach out to you

Nothing will stop me

Take your head in my hands

Tell me what would you do

Kiss your eyes, sing you to sleep

Your voice sounds like a lullaby

Here's my heart, this time to keep

Here's my heart to keep

Ashley Kerwin slides up the airplane window, wanting to see Toronto face on when they landed. The man to her left glances through a _Maxim_ with a huge grin. Sighing, Toronto's at least another hour away, clouds shading her from any clues that they were near. She looks down at her clothes, a pink spangly top under a fluffy white coat and some skinny jeans. It wasn't her usual style, the style her mother was used to, anyone for that matter. And part of her felt comfortable wearing it. She often changed, liked being a chameleon. Still, another part of her wanted to resist buying some of these things, maybe because the buying was more therapeutic than actually fun. It was doing something, taking her mind off other things. I'm using my own money, anyway, rationalizes Ashley.

She settles her head against the seat, her eyes threatening to close. Sleep was becoming more and more of a chore for her, especially the last few nights, since the break-up. Ali waited on the steps to Robert and Chris' apartment building as usual, lighting a cigarette. Ashley tried to get him to stop smoking, but he never listened to her, about anything. He ran a hand through his dirty blonde hair, smiled as she approached.

"You're late," he said. "I'm sick of waiting. You know I get bored easily."

"My supervisor kept me," replied Ashley, grinning widely. "Some crisis with the musical guest for tomorrow. But they might play one of my songs if there's dead air time."

"I doubt it," murmured Ali.

Ashley hung her head, put some hair behind her ear.

"Why are you working at that lame radio station anyway?" prodded Ali. "They don't play heavy metal, which is like the only music that matters. They play all that moody stuff where the singer sounds like they'll commit suicide after they sing."

"BB6 is so respected. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a little heartfelt expression," said Ashley, crouching down, trying to kiss him.

Ali pulled away. "It's garbage, just like that song I heard on that mix CD. Lint?"

"Dust," corrected Ashley, shaking her head. "And you listened to my CD? I didn't say you could touch my things!"

"Relax, babe," said Ali. "I regretted doing it once that lame music began. Let's go upstairs."

"No!" barked Ashley.

Ali's cheeks turned red, and Ashley swallowed a lump in her throat. She'd been walking on eggshells around him the past month. It all started out so nice too. He praised her new experimentations with reggae, even some of her older dark material, though he thought some heavy guitar riffs would've elevated it. He enjoyed her change in dress, liked that she was showing off more of her body. Best of all, he let her cry over Craig that whole summer, when she heard he ran away. She needed someone to lean on, anyone. But the more she got to know him the more opinionated he became, quick to anger, quick to judge her. He kept asking questions about Craig, with her avoiding any clear answers, and she caught him digging in her room for clues. Luckily, he didn't look in her nightstand drawer, or so she thought. That's where she kept her music, and his music, side by side.

"I think you should leave," said Ashley.

"You're cheating on me, aren't you?" snapped Ali, blowing some cigarette smoke in her direction.

"No...how could you..."

"All the songs on there are him. You never really broke up with him. You got your little red-headed friend Nellie to do it."

"Ellie!"

"I don't care who she is. No girl's gonna make a fool out of me. You won't sleep with me. You don't listen to any of my suggestions for your music. You're dressing like a slut but won't give it up..."

Ashley can feel tears burning the back of her eyes. "I'm not a slut."

"Yeah, that's right. You're just a tease. Well, that's done. We're through!"

Ali flicked his cigarette near her feet. Ashley hiccuped, choking on her tears.

"Your music sucks," was the last thing he said, heading down the sidewalk as Ashley collapsed on the stoop, staring after him.

Her next move went in a blur. She ran to her father and Chris' apartment, begged to please, please let her go home. With a pained expression on his face, Robert immediately gave in to his daughter, remembering her tears upon hearing about Craig's disappearance, smart enough to know that whatever was happening now was just as serious. She hated leaving the internship, but it was the best thing for her mental health, to head to Toronto and see friends she could rely on, to see if her music really was that bad. She was determined to have a productive senior year, a fun year with her old friends. Of course, her mom was thrilled to welcome her home.

Ashley refuses to think about that anymore, rests, closes her eyes. A few moments later, she's in the middle of a room of light and sweet smells, like perfume. Glancing down, she sees she's in a slip, her feet bare. Gone are the curls she wore on the flight; her hair is smooth, long, relaxed, reaching down her back.

"What's going on?" she says.

Before she can say anything else, footsteps, heels pound against the floor. Paige Michalchuck, in a lovely lavender gown walks to her, beaming, starts fixing her slip.

"Paige?" whispers Ashley.

"Just here to help," says Paige, assessing Ashley. "Ah, perfect."

"Ummm...," begins Ashley.

"Spin, the flowers!" yells Paige.

"You get the flowers!" shouts a voice Ashley instantly recognizes.

Spinner's voice comes from another room, since the door to the room Ashley is in is wide open.

"You get them!" shouts Paige.

"Fine!" responds Spinner.

Hazel Aden appears in the doorway, dressed in a green gown, panting as if she just ran, shuts the door. She's carrying a white garment bag.

"Dress...dress," she breathes, handing the garment bag to Paige.

"Haze, you really need to get here on time," says Paige.

"We had trouble getting Jimmy into the church. No ramp," says Hazel. "I'm sorry, Ash."

Ashley furiously runs her hands through her hair, looking around nervously. There's a large mirror with three segments so she can see her entire body, a vanity with make-up on it, a couple chairs.

"Sorry for what...where am I? Why are you guys dressed like that?" stammers Ashley.

Paige and Hazel exchange a look, and laugh. Paige pulls out a long, cream-colored dress with a rose, satin bodice, similar material to the spangly top she wore on the plane. Ashley opens her mouth, then closes it.

"Ashley finally got a sense of humor," says Paige, unzipping the dress. "Okay, get in, and careful not to crinkle it."

Afraid to do anything other than what she's told, she steps inside the wedding dress, the smooth fabric feeling light and airy on her skin. A wonderful fit, she thinks. Someone knocks on the door, thrusts a bouquet through a crack in the door.

"Thanks, Spinner," says Paige.

"Marco," says the voice behind the door.

"Okay, Marco," says Paige, rolling her eyes.

"Marco's here?" asks Ashley, stepping towards the door.

"Uh-uh," chastises Hazel, pulling her back. "Veil time."

Ashley starts to talk, but Ellie walks briskly into the room, carrying a very beautiful veil. Ashley's speechless again, drops into a plush, white chair. Ellie dots her eye with her sleeve.

"Ugh, said I wouldn't cry," says Ellie, walking over and hugging Ashley.

"Enough with the sadness," comments Paige, bumping Ellie to the side. "We've got ten minutes."

"Five!" says Marco through the parted door, showing his arm again, pointing to his watch.

"Stop it with the annoying arm!" barks Ellie. "No need to make the bride nervous."

"This is a joke, right?" says Ashley.

"We flew all the way to London and she asks if this is a joke?" answers Hazel. "You really are funnier now, Ash."

Ashley gasps. Okay, so this is obviously a wedding, she thinks. In London? My wedding? To who? Ali? She couldn't marry him, and she'd tell him so too. Tell her that her music sucked and arrange this whacked out mess? Oh, he had another thing coming. Walk right up to him, punch him. Oh, she couldn't wait until the veil was on.

"Know what you're going to say?" asks Hazel. "I think it's so cool you guys are doing traditional and personal vows."

"I know exactly what I'm going to say to him," says Ashley, a determined smile on her face.

"Great!" chirps Hazel. "Let's go."

Organ music fills the church, and Ashley rises, confidently stares forward. Ellie hands her her bouquet, while Paige and Hazel take up theirs, and hand one to Ellie. They head toward the entrance of the church, large with gorgeous stained glass windows, and ornate wooden pews. Paige and Hazel advance to the front, and Ashley can see Joey Jeremiah taping the whole thing with a video camera, grinning widely. Joey? She glances around at the crowd, sees her parents, Chris, Toby, Caitlin, Angie. If Craig was here, that'd be really awkward, starting down the aisle after Ellie. Jimmy mouths "wow", nods at her, and Ashley smiles back. Spinner gives her the thumbs up. She can barely see through the veil, just able to make out a tall figure in a tuxedo, his back turned. Ali. A thousand witty, argumentative remarks start to formulate in her head. He deserves it, for putting down her music, her reputation, her job.

Reaching the altar, she won't look at him, focuses on the minister, a friendly-looking, pink-cheeked man.

"Still can't see," she whispers, deciding to lift the veil.

Doing so, her heart nearly stops. The church is silent.

"Hey, Ash," says Craig, his face turned towards her.

She hasn't seen him in months. He'd cut his hair a bit, just a bit taller, just as handsome.

"Craig?" whispers Ash. "You're here? Why...why are you here?"

"To marry you," replies Craig, chuckling.

"You want to marry me?"

"When you look like that, you expect me to say no?"

Ashley blushes, smiles, then remembers the awkwardness of all of this.

"Let's skip straight to the vows," says Craig to the minister. "I've been waiting way too long for this."

The minister nods. "Craig, you first."

Craig takes Ashley's hands into his, sending shivers up her spine.

"I, Craig Manning, take you, Ashley Kerwin, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love, honor, cherish all the days of my life, and..."

"Don't you want to talk first?" says Ashley.

"About?" says Craig, his brow wrinkling.

"Ali," whispers Ashley, stroking the skirt of her gown nervously.

"Who's Ali?" he replies.

Ashley glances around, hears murmurs in the room.

"The guy I was seeing in England," continues Ashley.

The murmurs give way to shocked gasps, Joey nearly dropping his video camera. Spinner stands up hurriedly, crosses his arms.

"I want my toaster back!" demands Spinner.

"The one that can only cook toaster strudel?" says Paige, rolling her eyes. "Please."

"Didn't she cheat on Jimmy too?" speaks up Angie.

"Yeah," says Jimmy. "Apparently, Ash still doesn't know the meaning of cherish.Tough break, Craig."

Ashley pays them no mind, focuses on Craig, who is frowning, anger in his eyes.

"I thought you knew," whispers Ashley, turning to Ellie. "Ellie?"

"What did I do?" groans Ellie. "Don't blame me."

Craig shakes his head, lips curled in frustration. "I waited all summer."

"I know...I know," says Ashley, tears falling. "I'm sorry. So sorry."

"I loved you," cries Craig, shaking her shoulders, making Ashley peer into his hazel eyes.

Ashley covers her eyes, pain rising in her chest. Something in her finds the courage to look in his face, make him realize that the feelings are the same, despite that need to get away from him last summer, despite that fear of feeling unwanted the next time she saw him, after she viciously yelled at him before going off in the taxi.

"I love you, Craig," says Ashley.

"You lie," says Craig. "You said you'd stay with me, but you didn't. You say you love me, but you don't..."

"I do!"

"Well, I'm definitely not saying that today," says Craig, taking off a wedding band Ashley just now notices.

He puts it into her palm, walks briskly down the aisle, tearing off his tie on the way. Marco shrugs at Ashley, follows him out. Ashley lifts up her dress to do the same, but Paige halts her.

"I screwed up. I have to make this right," explains Ashley.

"No," says Paige, strongly. "You can't make it right in a dream."

"A dream? Wait, this is..."

"Hello! Would I be wearing these last season shoes if it was real? Dream me some decent Manolos next time, mkay?"

Ashley's eyes flutter open, a flight attendant hovering over her. The _Maxim_-reading guy pokes her, Ashley rubbing her eyes. What sort of dream was that? It left her cold all over. A dream of guilt, to warn her, to stay away from him. This feeling needed to go away...she'd make it go away.

"Fish or chicken, miss?" asks the flight attendant.

"Chish...ficken...uh, sorry, not hungry," replies Ashley.

She adjusts her seat, feels sweaty all over.

"Something got you anxious in Toronto?" asks the _Maxim _guy.

"Everything," replies Ashley, pulling her coat closer to her.

II.

"I call this meeting to order," shouts Liberty over the voices in the Media Immersion room, banging a gavel.

"Hold on. I'm checking my e-mail," speaks up Nate, tapping a few keys.

"Um, no," snaps Liberty, nodding towards Toby. "You're the auxillary officer. Pay attention."

Toby presses a key on the computer Nate is using, and Nate clicks his tongue as the computer goes into sleep mode.

"Satisfied?" says Nate, crossing his arms.

"Very," replies Liberty. "Now, first, order of business, the Spirit Squad wants to reserve dates for their tournament in April. These dates include..."

"The Traitor Squad," moans Manny under her breath. "I swear, if I exposed some of the dirt I know on their little cartwheeling behinds..."

"Let it go, Manny," whispers Emma, as Liberty drones on. "Paige's prerogative. You're off."

"But now I'm bored," whispers Manny. "The center takes up some time, but once winter break hits, I'll be working non-stop, having no fun. The ski trip's only three days. The ski trip which you're not going on. The ski trip that's once in a lifetime, where you could be spending time with your best friend. The ski trip..."

"I'm not going, alright!" exclaims Emma, forgetting to lower her voice.

Liberty holds up her gavel threateningly.

"Sorry, Liberty," says Emma, then turning back to Manny. "Your guilt trip is so not working."

"It'll work," says Manny. "That's why I'm here, while you secretarize.'

"Secretarize is not a word," informs Emma. "I'm doing my job as school secretary."

"Ahem," says Liberty, getting them to stop. "The next thing we need to discuss is our fundraiser for the semi-formal. Last year, we had a successful car wash in October. Being that it's December now, that's obviously out of the question."

"Why?" complains Nate. "If it's not broke, don't fix. Especially if it involves bikinis, or little to nothing."

"I'd like to see Manny in little to nothing!" shouts Derek, high-fiving a few other grade tens. "This sports rep misses his favorite cheerleader."

"In your dreams," says Manny.

"No, in my e-mail," says Derek.

Nate and a couple guys snicker.

"Shut up, Derek," says Toby, handing Liberty a clipboard.

Liberty goes over to the Media Immersion room door to greet someone, allowing the people in the room to talk. Manny checks her watch. Craig said he'd come before the meeting, but he hadn't. It was no big deal, but she did wonder where he was.

"Thanks for that, Toby," says Manny, shaking her head. "So sick of these guys."

"No problem," says Toby.

"Hey...are you going on the ski trip, Toby?" asks Manny, smiling at Emma.

"Yeah," replies Toby. "I can ski a little."

"See, Em? Two of your closest friends are going. We don't have that much time to make memories."

"I'm sure you and Craig will be making memories all over the mountain," says Emma. "Ewww, the mental image just came into my mind."

"Toby needs someone to keep him company," continues Manny. "J.T.'s not going."

"So why aren't you pestering him?" groans Emma.

The room grows quiet, Manny staring at Liberty, and Spinner and Darcy, who apparently were the ones Liberty went to see. Darcy holds a stack of papers. Spinner waves at her, and Manny waves back.

"Spinner and Darcy would like to have the floor," announces Liberty.

"Thanks, Liberty," says Darcy. "As some of you know, we're in desperate need of funds for the semi-formal. Because of this, I approached Ms. H with an idea I had, based on Spinner's...colorful past."

"Yeah, I kinda want to do something good for the school," says Spinner, looking rather uncomfortable.

Manny knew that discomfort. At the same time, baring your breasts wasn't nearly as bad as playing a part in a school shooting. We all deserve second chances, she thinks, smiling warmly at Spinner.

"Go ahead," says Liberty.

"Well, as Manny can attune...," starts Spinner.

"Attest," corrects Liberty.

"Whatever. Um, well...I was Little Mr. Handsome for a couple years. Dorky, I know. But it did give Darce this great idea."

"It certainly did," says Darcy. "We want to do a Miss Degrassi."

"What?" cries Emma. "That's so...so sexist."

"Emma, come on," says Manny, rolling her eyes.

"Emma, half the proceeds would go to the community center where it would be held. They could use the money. And the rest would more than give us an awesome formal."

"Parade in bathing suits for the well-being of our children?" barks Emma, standing.

"No bathing suits," says Spinner to a chorus of groans.

"It'd be a totally classy affair," says Darcy. "One of the judges is even a talent agent, and the other wants to give a scholarship to the winner. To a university of their choice. It's five thousand bucks. That's the prize. Well, and the title."

"An agent?" whispers Manny to herself.

"A scholarship?" says Emma, sitting down. "Well..."

"After the shooting, we need something like this, to put something positive in the newspapers. A car wash won't do that, will it? You do want Degrassi to be respected again, don't you?"

"Yeah, ravine queen," says Nate, smirking.

A few guys laugh, but Manny sees Spinner and Toby glaring at them. Manny can tell tears are forming in Emma's eyes.

"Fine," says Emma, softly.

"Liberty?" prompts Darcy.

"Works for me," agrees Liberty. "Press is always a good thing. All those in favor?"

A chorus of "ayes", including Toby, Nate, and Derek, fill the room.

"Good, because I'm not feeling so hot," says Liberty, who did appear a little green. "Meeting adjourned."

She bangs the gavel one more time, and Manny stares after her. She'd been acting strange for some reason lately, and J.T. wasn't spilling. Oh, well. She turns to Emma.

"You okay?" she asks.

Emma nods. "Always gonna be gonorrhea girl."

"No, you aren't," says Manny.

Spinner walks up to them, puts a reassuring hand on Emma's shoulder. Darcy blinks at them in confusion, heads over to Liberty with the stack of paper, which Manny sees are premature programs for the pageant.

"It'll get easier," says Spinner. "Trust me."

Emma smiles up at him. "Think I could use a trip away from here, get lost in a blanket of snow?"

"Yes!" exclaims Manny, throwing her arms around Emma.

Spinner laughs.

"Oh, Spin, have you seen Craig?" says Manny, still holding Emma.

"Yeah...he's with Ellie, I think," answers Spinner. "Headed off somewhere."

Manny drops her arms, frowns. What were they possibly doing, and why had he forgotten that they were supposed to meet? She hated the thought of them being alone together.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot..they had a thing," lies Manny, trying to save face in front of Spinner and Emma.

Glancing in Liberty's direction, she sees Toby and he smiles at her. Then, he pretends to bounce around happily behind Darcy's back, with the same cheery expression as Darcy. Manny laughs.

"Idiot," she whispers, smiling back at him.

III.

Craig readjusts a drum, sets up her stool, turns on the light. Ellie peeps from behind a corner, puts on some more lipstick, and takes a deep breath. It's the only movement in the garage, none of these sounds covering the loud beating in her heart. Apparently, Jimmy had sent her song to all the Squatch over e-mail. To be honest, he kind of bugged her to let him see it, and he went on and on about how great it was, which irritated her, a lot. Jimmy was acting more and more strange around her, maybe because he and Hazel were having issues and he wanted some female attention, but now, she doesn't regret him sending that song out. Nope. Because Craig insisted on speaking to her about it. He stopped her in the hall, said let's get a pizza and talk. Hello, those were classic signs, she thinks. It's what she and Sean did. Pizza and talk, being alone. Ellie smiles, caps her lipstick, throws it into her purse.

"El, does this look right?" asks Craig, staring down at the drum.

Ellie comes from behind the corner. "Looks good. It all looks so good. You make it look so good."

Oh great, I sound like a spaz, thinks Ellie, scrunching up her nose.

Craig arches his eyebrow. "Uh, thanks?"

"So, why am I here?" asks Ellie, sitting on the couch.

"The song, of course," says Craig. "A very good song."

Craig takes a piece of paper from his pocket, sits down next to her. His knee touches hers, and she bites her lip in anticipation.

"You like it?" says Ellie.

"Tortured soul meets tortured soul, chemistry so frightening I lose control," reads Craig. "Awesome first verse."

Ellie nods excitedly. "I wasn't sure if it was trying to get across what I was trying to say."

"It did!" praises Craig. "The relationship in this song. Friends to lovers, soulmates."

"Yeah...yeah, exactly!" exclaims Ellie.

Finally he gets it, celebrates Ellie in her head. Finally, he sees her, not Manny, understands her. She knew music would be the key. Though seeing Sean again had brought some unexpected butterflies, she thought a fresh start without any baggage could be better. Craig hadn't hurt her yet, not much anyway. He bruised her ego, sure, but it's not like he isn't redeeming herself, thinks Ellie.

"The way you captured our relationship...I'm in awe," says Craig, hugging her. "Had to talk to you about it."

Ellie breathes against Craig's neck, taking in the strong hold of his hands.

"I knew you'd love it," says Ellie, pulling away, looking him in his eyes.

"Really needed this too. Manny and I...I'm trying to reconnect with her. But it's weird, you know?"

Ellie nods. "It should be. Your past with her is all over the place."

"But this song reminds me...of what a relationship has to be. I'm so thankful for it, for you."

Ellie feels her face growing hot.

"If Ashley was here too, I'm sure she'd say the same," says Craig, getting up from the couch, taking off his leather jacket.

"Ash?" says Ellie, staring at him.

"She'd love that you set our relationship to music. This song about me and her, written by you. Tortured soul meets tortured soul. Perfect description of me and Ash."

Ellie stays still, lowers her eyes. "Yeah...perfect."

"I'm not in love with the second verse," admits Craig. "Maybe we can take out that part about exposed voices circulating a room, music the only thing we want to do? Ash was pretty private."

That's describing our group, you idiot, thinks Ellie. Of course he thought the song was about him and Ash, a great love story about two musicians.

"I like that verse," speaks up Ellie. "I don't think I'm staying for pizza."

"But I got mushrooms, your fave," says Craig.

"Pick them off," mumbles Ellie.

"Ellie..."

"I'm tired, Craig. Tired of...a lot of stuff."

Ellie brushes past him, walks into the cool night air. She wipes off her lipstick with a tissue, crying. No more transformations, she promises herself. No more lies to herself.


	3. Who's That Girl

**III. Who's That Girl **

Who's that girl, who's that girl

When you see her, say a prayer and kiss your heart goodbye  
She's trouble, in a word get closer to the fire  
Run faster, her laughter burns you up inside  
You're spinning round and round  
You can't get up, you try but you can't

Quien es esa nina, who's that girl  
Senorita, mas fina, who's that girl  
Quien es esa nina, who's that girl  
Senorita, mas fina, who's that girl

You try to avoid her, fate is in your hands  
She's smiling, an invitation to the dance  
Her heart is on the street, tu corazon es suyo  
Now you're falling at her feet  
You try to get away but you can't

Light up my life, so blind I can't see  
Light up my life, no one can help me now

Run faster, her laughter burns you up inside  
He's spinning round and round  
You can't get up, you try but you can't

Who's that girl  
Now, who's that girl  
Now, who's that girl  
Now, who's that girl

The school bell rings, and all of his classmates make a mad rush for the cafeteria, eager to sink their teeth into one of five decent dishes at Degrassi, Sheila's famous burritos. Toby is pushed to the side a couple times, making his glass go crooked, and a final push when he reaches his locker results in him dropping his calculator. Groaning, he stoops down, picks it up, and then his eyes meet the multi-colored poster taped to the front of his locker.

Kytel Computer Camp. December 27-December 30. On the poster are numerous graphics in fancy fronts, elegantly designed. Toby nods approvingly.

Someone taps his shoulder, and he turns to see Clara, her streaked hair in a ponytail today.

"This one time at computer camp...," she starts, jokingly. "Sorry. I watched that movie last night at the video store. What do you think?"

"You're going?" asks Toby.

"Definitely. I've been before. So much fun. There's IT courses, animation courses which I know you're into, and fun demonstrations...so great!"

"It's right after Christmas," says Toby, noticing the date again.

"Well, yeah, but Hanukkah's before Christmas so it's all good. By the time Christmas rolls around, you'll be begging to see non-relatives. Holiday-ed out."

"I don't know...," says Toby, his hand shaking as he opens his bookbag.

He definitely had to be home for Hanukkah, as his father's family was coming over for the traditional feast, and Kate and Ashley liked Christmas, but they weren't gung-ho about it, at least not as much as his father was about Hanukkah. Maybe it would be fun. What was he going to do for those few days? Stay and watch J.T. drool over the girls in teenage comedies at the video store? And Clara made him nervous, in a good way. This could be a chance to see if there was any potential there.

"Please," says Clara, letting her bottom lip stick out, her eyes wide and innocent.

Toby laughs. "Lemme talk to my dad. We need to hire someone to cover the store those days, though, or neither of us is going."

"I'm sure we'll find someone by then," says Clara. "Alright, I'm off to Kwan's class. It's the only class I'm not failing besides Media Immersion. See ya."

"Bye," says Toby, smiling, watching her go off.

He can't believe it. A girl wanted him to be somewhere with her, went to the trouble to tack something on his locker. The last time he stuck something on Kendra's locker met with pretty disastrous results, with Kendra condemning him for his clingy behavior. It's way better on the other end, he thinks, sticking his textbooks inside.

Continuing down towards the lunchroom, he pauses in a corridor, watching J.T. eyeing an orange flier on a wall. J.T. glances at Toby, who reads the flier.

"Miss Degrassi," says Toby. "Oh yeah, we approved that yesterday. I know you'll most likely want a front seat."

"More than a front seat!" exclaims J.T. "Toby, did it escape your mind to tell me that a real agent is coming to this thing, to Degrassi?"

"Uh...yeah," admits Toby, scratching his head.

"Ever since I left the children's show, I've had this itch...," begins J.T.

"What, like dandruff? Did one of the kids give you scabies or something?"

"No, Tobes. You're not listening," says J.T., rolling his eyes. "An itch to perform, to be out there, hoping that some agent would come along and see my talent. I want to move beyond public access and fry commercials...though the pay's pretty good. Now I'm stuck at a store slash pharmacy, checking which baby formulas are the best."

"Shouldn't have used that king-sized condom, J.T.," says Toby, patting him on the back. "Especially when you didn't use your pump first."

"What's done is done,"shrugs J.T. "But I need to get into this."

"It's called Miss Degrassi, J.T. As in girl."

"Does it say anything about no guys in the rules?"

"No, but they're drawing up rules now. You better hope they overlook putting that in, which is a pretty big thing to forget."

J.T. sighs. "Not holding my breath. Anyways, I noticed you had a huge smile on your mug before this convo. Care to share?"

The two of them move down the hallway, passing Peter being scolded by his mother. Toby looks back out of curiosity, but is unable to pick up anything.

"Carla invited me to computer camp," mumbles Toby, not making eye contact with J.T.

J.T. grins. "No way."

"Yep," says Toby, his cheeks burning.

"Oh, Toby, the way you press a shift key is so sexy," teases J.T. in his best girly voice. "It gets me so hot."

"Okay, no matter the rules, you'd fit right in with the rest," says Toby, laughing.

"My girl voice is that impressive?"

"Just saying."

"Dude, I could go undercover and discover the mysteries of womankind, like why they go to the bathroom in packs?"

"Because we're plotting to take over the world," interrupts Emma, walking in between them.

Manny's right behind her, laughing as she digs through her purse. She walks next to Toby, and he could pick up a slight trace of her perfume, kind of a rose smell. The scent makes his lips curl into a slight smile directed at Manny. J.T. notices, and elbows him. Toby lowers his head guiltily.

"So Toby's got a girlfriend," announces J.T., as they head into the caf.

"Shut up, J.T.," says Toby through gritted teeth.

"Very funny, J.T.," says Emma.

"No, it's for real," defends J.T. "Carla, in our M.I. lab."

"She's not my girlfriend," says Toby, glancing at Manny.

"Oh!" says Emma, her eyes widening. "The computer game girl. Good for you, Toby."

"She's nice, a little hyper," says Manny, dismissively. "Em, there's Craig. See you guys."

Manny drags Emma to the other side of the caf where Craig and Marco are standing in the lunch line. Toby glares at J.T., who stares innocently at another advertisement for Miss Degrassi.

"Just thought it was my duty to stop you from gawking at another girl," says J.T. in a high-pitched voice. "Girls gotta look out for each other, you know?"

"I can't look at my friend?" says Toby, sliding in at a table with Derek and Nate.

"Not like that, Tobes," says J.T. in a much serious tone, then grabs a small packet of salt and pepper from Derek's tray.

"Hey, I'm condimentless now," complains Derek.

He and Nate go back to talking about the Maple Leafs, though both talk with bits of burrito in their mouths.

"Demonstration," says J.T. "Now, this is you, the salt. Safe, nice. This is Manny, the pepper, hot, exciting. You can have the two next to each other, the two can even get along together in certain areas. But you don't reach for salt when you're looking for pepper, and you don't reach for pepper when you want salt. Go for the salt, for your own good."

Toby rubs his wrist thoughtfully. He knows J.T. has a point, is looking out for him. And he shouldn't be looking at Manny like that, especially since she's attached, and not at all interested. It's clear Clara likes him, so he'd leave it at that.

"It was just a look," whispers Toby.

"I'm not playing around, Tobes," says J.T. "You'll embarrass yourself, in front of her, or whoever's around. Me, I have to risk embarrassment for the sake of acting. You can be on easy street."

Toby nods. "I'm okay with that."

J.T. looks at the other side of the caf, where Darcy is sitting with Liberty.

"Speaking of embarrassment...," says J.T., getting up. "Going to face the music."

Toby watches him go, but his eyes soon find themselves on Manny, staring at Craig as he goes through the lunch line, chatting animatedly with Marco. A dreamy expression covers her entire face, a look of admiration, appreciation. He tears open the pepper packet, watches the spices drift to his food, fall where they may.

II.

"They always run out when I show up," groans Marco, staring at Sheila as she puts a just prepared burrito into the oven.

"Keep your beanie on, fancy pants," says Sheila, adjusting her hairnet.

Marco slides his tray further down, gingerly touching his beanie. He takes out a folder, mouths words to himself. Craig peers over to see what he's mouthing.

"What's that?" asks Craig.

"Told Simpson I'd go into the returning student orientation today and tell them boring stuff about school policies, upcoming events, so on and so on," answers Marco. "This is a list of the students."

Marco's gaze goes lower, plucking a fry from his tray, and he eats. After a few seconds, he starts to choke. Craig pounds him on the back, Marco's eyes tearing up.

"You okay?" says Craig, concern crossing his face.

"Oh, wow...oh wow," breathes Marco.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Marco tries to hide the list, whistling awkwardly.

"Hey, I think I see that guy Tim from drama club!" exclaims Craig, pointing to Marco's right.

"Where?" says Marco, turning around.

Craig takes the list, reading the names.

"Sean?" says Craig. "Interesting."

Marco smiles. "Mhmmm, gonna need that back."

He makes a grab for the list, but Craig continues reading. The fifteenth name causes his heart to beat faster, a name that never left his mind, as much as he'd tried to pry it, stamp it out. Ellie's song had just made it seem so final to him, her being gone, yet in a strange way, he took it as a wonderful chronicle of the past they shared. Now, now, with her name on this list, all those uglier feelings were climbing back to the surface.

"She's here today?" whispers Craig.

Blowing out a huge breath, he looks at every corner of the caf. What would he say if he found her? No, she has to come up to him first. But what if she doesn't? Way to be elusive, Ash, he said, pulling at his curls.

"Don't tear out your hair," says Marco. "She probably won't come in..."

As soon as those words slipped out, both their eyes fell on the entrance, and in she came, laughing, arms looped with Paige's. Parts of her appeared the same– the startlingly blue eyes, the confident stride in her walk, the mysterious smile. Other parts, the clothes, seem like she free fell through a wardrobe. Nevertheless, there she was, greeting Jimmy, then Hazel. His mind is mush, way less durable than the burrito Sheila set on Marco's plate.

"You want to leave?" suggests Marco.

"She can't just come in here like nothing happened," says Craig.

"I know, buddy."

"She isn't even looking for me. I don't know why...forget it."

"Yeah."

Craig frowns. "Let's sit."

He takes his tray, Marco paying Sheila the money, and they go to the table with Manny and Emma. Marco sets down his list, and Emma immediately picks it up.

"Is this the budget for yearbook?" asks Emma. "I can give it to Toby."

"Um, Emma...," begins Marco.

"Wait...Sean's...Sean's back?" stammers Emma.

Manny's mouth drops, peers down at the list. Her eyes must've found Ashley's name because she looks at Craig knowingly after a couple seconds.

"She's different," says Manny, glancing in Ashley's direction.

Craig doesn't stare, opens his milk. "Good for her."

"Have you said hi to her yet?"

"Nope."

Marco raises his eyebrows at him.

"Well, okay then. Let's talk about something else," says Manny, cheerfully. "Ski trip is officially set, and..."

Manny's cellphone rings, and she checks the number. A smile crosses her face.

"Be right back," says Manny.

"Same here," mumbles Emma, trailing Manny.

"Who are you fooling, Craig?" whispers Marco as soon as the girls are out of earshot.

"I'm not the fool," says Craig. "She doesn't want to talk to me, fine. She doesn't want to apologize, fine. It's on her conscience. I'm through with her."

Marco digs into his burrito, lettuce sticking out of mouth.

"Do you think she wants to talk to me?" asks Craig.

Marco swallows. "Not sure."

He puts the burrito to his mouth, while Craig swishes his milk.

"Do you think she's still with that guy?" asks Craig.

"Maybe," says Marco, about to take another bite.

"What did she come back for?" says Craig, shaking his head, interrupting Marco again. "School? Did something happen in England? And why is she dressing like that?"

Marco moans. "I'm never going to get to finish this, am I?"

III.

Manny jogs out into the hall, pressing her cell to her ear.

"Hello?" she practically shouts.

"Hola Manuellita!" shouts her brother. "Como estas?"

"J.J.!!!," replies Manny. "Fine. You miss me?"

"I had no one else to pick on at Thanksgiving," says Joseph Junior, who would always be J.J. to her.

"And to eat that nasty cranberry sauce you bring," adds Manny.

"The can says it's good," defends J.J. "You being a good girl?"

"Yes," says Manny.

"You better," says J.J. "You know we left an empty chair for you at Thanksgiving, right?"

Manny slouches against the door frame, not caring that the dust on the school floor was getting on the butt of her jeans, or rather Emma's jeans that were now hers. That gesture touched her more than he knew. Then again, J.J. read her better than both her mom and dad, and he thought it was cool that she was acting. Of course it helped that he was a big Kevin Smith fan, and she got him an autograph.

"If it was up to Dad, it would've been filled," says Manny, her eyes watering.

"Nah, nah," says J.J. "He said nothing. I caught him going in your room once."

"To look for more incriminating evidence that I'm...what did he call me? Oh yeah, a slut," says Manny, a tear falling down her cheek.

"Nah, he just had a sad look, stared for a seconds, saw me, and went out," says J.J.

"Really?" breathes Manny.

"Really, but you didn't hear it from me," replies J.J.

"I don't see why he can't accept my acting," says Manny.

"Papa likes jobs where you get your hands dirty," explains J.J. "Maybe you can get a job like that, where it's not focused on you, then go back to acting. I know you like the attention, Manuellita."

"No, I don't!" protests Manny.

She didn't want to admit that he's right, that she feeds off the attention, being under the hot spotlight, hearing hands clap, the feeling of being six feet tall on stage. So what if she did? It's not like she got it anywhere else, not Craig, certainly. And with Ashley back, ugh, she's not sure what to think.

"Who you kidding?" says J.J. "I gotta go. Just mull it over."

"Okay," says Manny. "Thanks for calling."

"Love you, sis," says J.J. "Bye."

Emma comes up next to her, sits beside her. They both stretch out their legs.

"Sean's nowhere to be seen," says Emma. "I'm one hundred percent sure I don't want to see him."

"You don't?"

"And bring more drama into his life? Please. I want a clean slate this year. Let's change the subject."

"Okay. Emma, do you think I'm an attention hog?" says Manny.

Emma scratches her neck. "Where did this come from?"

"J.J."

"Do you want the friend answer or the impartial answer?" replies Emma, shifting her gaze.

"Ugh, never mind," says Manny.

"But I will say you look better in those jeans than I ever did."

"Yeah, Em. That makes me feel loads better."

Manny pokes Emma, is surprised when a pair of feet nearly trip over her outstretched legs. Toby straightens himself, looks down at them.

"Are you falling for me, Toby?" says Manny, winking at him.

"Sorry," says Toby, going down the hall.

"Don't flirt with Clara's boyfriend, Manny," jokes Emma, poking Manny back.

"Don't make me pull out my ancient Sean jokes," says Manny. "I'm seeing bad perms, dolphin pants, digging in the trash for wallets..."

"Truce," says Emma, softly.

She clips her cell to her jeans, remembers J.J.'s final words.

"Oooh, I know," mutters Manny to herself.

Manny quickly gets up, chases him until she's by his side. She couldn't imagine another job where it wasn't about herself, where she didn't have to get her hands too dirty.

"The video store job...is it still available?" questions Manny.

"Yeah, you'd need to do an application, meet the manager," says Toby.

"After school," says Manny. "Alright?"

She's pretty sure Toby's entire face brightens up. Surprisingly, hers does as well. This would make her father proud, and she'd finally be on the same level as J.J.

"Alright," says Toby.

"Do I have to wear that blue polyester vest?"

"Yeah."

"Ewww."

Toby chuckles. "You get a nametag, though. A gold nametag."

"That's better," says Manny, smiling. "Do I have to pay for it?"

"No, it's on the house."


	4. Hollywood

**IV. Hollywood**

Everybody comes to Hollywood

They wanna make it in the neighborhood

They like the smell of it in Hollywood

How could it hurt you when it looks so good

Shine your light now

This time it's gotta be good

You get it right now

'Cause you're in Hollywood

There's something in the air in Hollywood

The sun is shining like you knew it would

You're ridin' in your car in Hollywood

You got the top down and it feels so good

I lost my memory in Hollywood

I've had a million visions, bad and good

There's something in the air in Hollywood

I tried to leave it but I never could

There's something in the air in Hollywood

I've lost my reputation, bad and good

You're ridin' in your car in Hollywood

You got the top down and it feels so good

Music stations always play the same songs

I'm bored with the concept of right and wrong

Everybody comes to Hollywood

They wanna make it in the neighborhood

They like the smell of it in Hollywood

How could it hurt you when it looks so good

Cause you're in Hollywood

'Cause you're in Hollywood

In Hollywood

Check it out, this bird has flown

'Cause you're in Hollywood

'Cause you're in Hollywood

In Hollywood

Push the button

Don't push the button

Trip the station

Change the channel

"Why won't it fit?" moans Ellie, shoving it harder into her locker.

It'd been a long time since she'd carried around this certain bag, odd because it used to hold her life: her tape recorder for newspaper interviews, rubber bands for whenever she got anxious, textbooks and books for pleasure, her CD player to tune out the world. Something inspired her to take it back up, maybe the attraction of having something constant in her life, a reliable security blanket and somewhere to hold anything private. Deep down, she guesses it's probably because sharing that song with Craig was the most open she'd been in awhile, since Sean, and it was all for nothing. At least here, she could keep what was supposed to be private hidden away. At least the rubber bands were gone, replaced by a pen case.

"I remember that bag," says a voice behind her.

Ellie sighs, her pulse racing. She lets the bag rest in her hands, faces Sean.

"You used to carry it everywhere," continues Sean. "It's nice to see some things haven't changed."

"I'm cleaning out my locker," explains Ellie. "For break. Haven't carried it in a while."

Sean bites his lip. "Oh."

Ellie turns back around awkwardly, starts retrieving old copies of the Grapevine she saved. The speech still wasn't coming easily, especially when he's so near, smells so good.

"Um, how's Bueller?" asks Sean.

Ellie runs a finger over her teeth. "He's...dead."

Sean's expression goes from congenial to disappointed, something she found endearing. Then, the image of all those late rent notices fill her mind, notices he should've helped pay for, and she maintains a tense frown.

"That's too bad," he finally says.

"Chewing on that wiring. Which I told him not to do a million times. What a way to go."

"Are you still living there?"

"Nope, back with my mom."

"How is she?"

"Sober. A lot of things are different, Sean."

Ellie puts the newspapers in a folder, while Sean touches her bag.

"A lot of news you never kept up with," says Ellie, holding up an old paper. "No calls, e-mail. Had to bury Bueller with Marco, who hates rodents. But Marco is reliable."

"Ellie, I...I'm sorry," stammers Sean. "And not just about Bueller...about..."

The hall becomes louder, but Ellie stares at him expectantly. Sean shrugs. Ellie closes her eyes, shakes her head.

"I don't know what to say," says Sean.

"Neither do I," says Ellie, opening her eyes. "But I'm not the one who needs to say anything, am I?"

Sean blows out a deep breath, his blue eyes searching Ellie's. She's surprised that her stomach is doing flip-flops, her palms are getting wet. It's the same affect as when he first noticed her in detention, asked about this same bag. Cruel deja vu, and worse, it's coming at a time when I'm mad at him, thinks Ellie.

"You said things were different," whispers Sean, as the hall grows more quiet. "Are the feelings different?"

"That's not fair," whispers Ellie, urgently. "It's been a year and...you need to leave."

Sean nods. "Okay. Going to orientation."

"Good...go!" snaps Ellie.

He starts to go into the room, Ellie's gaze following him.

"El?" he calls back.

"Yeah?" replies Ellie.

"Thanks for at least talking to me today," says Sean, then ducking inside.

A half-smile appears on Ellie's face, and she rests her head against the open door of her locker. She feels a hand on her back, pretty sure it's Marco.

"Relax. It's almost break," says Marco, picking up her bag and getting it in with one resolute shove.

"How did you...," starts Ellie.

"Forget that," interrupts Marco, grinning widely. "I want to hear all about the song...Craig's reaction...any kissing. Anything R-rated?"

"Okay, yeah!" cries Ellie. "You got the song was about him, right?! Is it that difficult to decipher? The stupid, curly-haired Casanova thought it was about him and Ash."

"What!" shouts Marco, causing a few people passing by to stare.

"Classic, confused Craig."

"Did he miss all that stuff about group? It's pretty obvious."

"Oh, that was the best part. He wanted to take that out, because it didn't fit Ashley. I swear, when it comes to that girl, Craig has tunnel vision, Ashley vision."

"El, you know how they are," says Marco, looking down. "They're sorta epic. Engagements, Craig almost going to London..."

Ellie slams her door shut. "You're right. I was foolish."

"Not foolish. Just hopeful," corrects Marco. "Want to come over? We can have a Daria marathon."

"I don't think her jaded worldviews are going to be enough, Marco," says Ellie.

"Or we could go...see Ribbons of Blood?" prods Marco.

"The ninja movie?" sighs Ellie.

"You know, I like ninjas. Especially a love story between ninjas. The cinematography's top-notch. The reviews say it's brilliant. Just pretend you're the female ninja piercing Craig with a sword."

Ellie laughs. "Fine. Don't have anything better to do."

"Orientation calls," groans Marco. "Meet you at the mall at seven?"

"Alright."

Marco kisses Ellie's cheek. "Forget Craig. I love you infinity."

"Save the corn for the popcorn," says Ellie, giving him a little hug. "I love you too. Bye."

He goes into the same room as Sean, and Ellie hugs herself protectively. Marco's words ring in her ears. Forget Craig. Sure, after his misinterpretation of her song, that would be easier, but the other guy, well, she didn't want to pierce that possibility so quickly.

II.

She thought she saw Ellie from down the hall, but just like all day, Ashley has missed her. Giving up, she heads to what would be her new locker, reading her combination. Snake told her to head straight to the orientation room after receiving it, but she did want to test it out. It would take a minute at the most.

Perhaps Ellie is avoiding her, punishment for making her be the messenger about Ali. They hadn't talked since then, four long months where the girl who most understood her was unreachable. Part of her expected that, the same way she expected Craig to avoid her. Seeing him in the caf, across from Manny, she had no words. Now, words just seem to pile on in her mind. Why date the girl he cheated on her with? Was their bond that strong? Of course it isn't, Ashley thinks. Or maybe it is. Still, he hadn't asked her to marry him, or move in with him, or...I have no room to talk.

But he looked great, better than he did in the airplane dream. Sitting next to Paige, absent-mindedly agreeing that they all would make the next semester the best one yet, she'd occasionally stare at him. He appeared healthy, confident, the same old Craig. Why didn't she look at him that way before she left? Instead, she worried him every other second about his medications, was waiting for the next episode to spring up.

The combination doesn't work, and she tugs at it. She hears a sharp rap on the locker next to hers, glances up, then immediately stares at the floor.

"Don't worry. I'm on my meds," says Craig, smirking.

Ashley rubs her forehead with her free hand, can feel him breathing down her neck. "Hi."

"Got sick of London?" presses Craig.

Her face flushes scarlet, and she stares at him. "I don't have to talk to you if I don't want to."

Ashley heads for the orientation room, wrapping her coat tightly around her. To her annoyance, Craig follows.

"Think you made that pretty clear in the caf," says Craig. "Typical Ash. Running away from your problems.

"You obviously want to say something," says Ashley, slipping the lock in her pocket. "Say it."

"Yeah, have a nice year," replies Craig angrily.

Craig walks in front of her, tears forming in the back of Ashley's eyes.

"Yeah, you too!" exclaims Ashley, a couple tears falling.

Craig glances back, his expression softening.

"Ash...," he begins.

Ashley backs up, runs to the room, goes to an empty desk, wipes her cheeks. Near the chalkboard, Marco is going over the school code of conduct, smiles nervously at her as she takes her seat. What nerve he has, she thinks. Sure, she deserves this, but harassing her like that? She hadn't felt this bad since he called her a prude in grade ten.

A couple sheets of Kleenex appear in front of her face, and Ashley blinks at it blankly.

"They're clean," assures Sean.

"Thanks," says Ashley, taking them.

"Had a runny nose last week," explains Sean, neither of them listening to Marco reviewing the dress code.

"I should really have some," whispers Ashley. "I cry more than the average person."

Marco finishes, picks up a pile of paper. Snake stands next to him in the center of the room.

"Since you're all in the same boat this year, we figured it would be good for you to get to know one another, an icebreaker if you will," says Snake.

Half the room groans, some laying their heads down in frustration. Sean lets out a raspberry, exchanges a look with Ashley. Ashley grins back at him, says hi to Marco as he lays a piece of paper on her desk.

"Now, find a partner, and answer the following questions," instructs Snake. "It's painless, guys. Come on."

Ashley scoots her chair closer to Sean's. "You want to?"

"Fine," replies Sean.

Ashley glances down the list of questions, her eyes now dry. "Wow. These are some mundane questions."

"What is your favorite movie?" reads Sean.

"Labyrinth," answers Ashley. "Is that stupid?"

"That's the one with the puppets?" laughs Sean.

"It's more than puppets," defends Ashley. "It's about imagination versus reality, about growing up. It's existential. Plus it has David Bowie."

"Bowie's alright, I guess," says Sean. "He was a decent vampire in that one movie."

"I saw that," says Ashley. "Okay, who's your favorite band or artist?"

"Eminem," says Sean. "Guy's a genius."

"No, he's not," protests Ashley. "He's a misogynist..."

"And cool," adds Sean.

"Cocky..."

"And cool."

Ashley pretends to hang herself. "Sean, I'm loaning you a Death Cab CD."

"Not if you want me to use it as a prop for my TV," laughs Sean.

She smiles. After the run-in with Craig, this was definitely making the day tolerable. About three years ago, he'd asked her out, before Craig came into view, or Ellie. Truthfully, she never considered it a wasted opportunity. Both of them gravitated to other people, and she didn't have any regrets. Still, maybe she was missing out on a good friendship.

"It's nice to see you smile," compliments Sean. "Ellie wouldn't want you crying."

No, just Craig, thinks Ashley.

"My day wasn't that great either," admits Sean. "I was going to see that ninja movie that came out, but going alone seems...no, is pretty pathetic."

"Two pathetic people in a pathetic situation makes it less pathetic," offers Ashley.

"There's no puppets," jokes Sean.

"I'm heartbroken," says Ashley.

III.

Manny taps her teeth with a pen, peers down at the application. Strains of a Black-Eyed Peas song go throughout the store, as Toby gives a plastic bag to two teenage boys. Carla is placing new issues of magazines on the stand.

"My humps, my lovely lady humps," sings Manny to herself.

Toby chuckles, making Manny laugh.

"You caught me," says Manny. "I love this song."

"I love Fergie," says Toby.

"She isn't even that hot," argues Manny. "She has a great body, I'll give her that, but personally I think..."

"Um, Manny, the application," reminds Carla.

"Oh...yeah," says Manny. "Toby, stop distracting me."

"I wasn't...," begins Toby.

"Yes, you were," asserts Manny.

Carla shoots Toby a look, and Toby clears his throat. As soon as Manny came into the store, he found it difficult to take her eyes off of her. It resulted in him digging in the back for an application, getting her a pen, then another pen that actually worked, and now gazing at her as she did a fairly easy application. Christian, the store's manager, would be meeting with her in about three minutes.

"Toby, how do you spell magnitude?" asks Manny.

Toby opens his mouth to answer, but Carla supplies the proper spelling.

"Thanks," says Manny, writing some more. "No more questions, I promise."

Carla drags Toby to the backroom. Toby straightens his shirt and vest, eyes Carla.

"Toby, you can't help her with her application," she says. "She's a big girl."

"Spelling a few words isn't help," says Toby.

"Okay, but it's gotta be fair," says Carla. "No more help."

Toby nods, follows Carla outside. Christian, long, blonde, hippie-ish hair under a red baseball cap, comes into the store, a scooter helmet between his arm and chest. When he first saw Clara, he knew that her and Christian had to be related, only Christian was a film geek. That probably drew him to me on some level, thinks Toby. Geeks unite.

"Assuming this random girl is Manny," says Christian, glancing at Manny. "The one with the Brigette Bardot hair."

Manny gives him a puzzled look. "Um...that's me."

She hands him her application, wrings her hands in anticipation.

"Not much work experience," says Christian. "A lot of community service, though. That's good."

Manny grins. "I'm a servant to the Degrassi community. Teaching ice-skating, working at the center, giving dance classes..."

"Audrey Hepburn had an altruistic spirit, too," informs Christian.

"I'm just like Audrey," says Manny.

"Um, no, you're not. No one's like Audrey," says Christian dryly.

Toby swallows a lump in his throat. Oh, boy, Christian was in love with Audrey Hepburn, and Manny comparing herself to his cinematic dream girl wouldn't go over too well.

"Why should I hire you to work for Hollywood Video Hut?" asks Christian, this time his tone more abrasive.

"I'm enthusiastic...and a people person. I like films, like a lot, except black and white ones," says Manny, though her voice becomes more shaky.

Ugh, she's sinking fast, thinks Toby.

"And she's dedicated, hard-working...and a film expert!" chimes in Toby, avoiding Carla's shocked face.

"You are?" says Christian. "Cool."

Manny casts a nervous glance at Toby, but keeps her confident demeanor. "Yeah, I know all about the cinema."

"Best movie ever made?" questions Christian.

"Honey!" cries out Manny. "Hello, Jessica Alba?"

Toby claps his hand to his forehead, while Carla shakes her head in disbelief. Christian eyes her suspiciously, but then busts out laughing.

"A sense of humor," says Christian, beaming. "Nice. But real answer?"

Manny looks at Toby, who mouths "Godfather" to her.

"Godfeather?" says Manny. "Oh...Godfather."

"Part two, specifically," says Christian, nodding. "We'll try you out, see how it goes. Toby, get her a vest. I'm grabbing a sandwich before things get hectic. Be here tomorrow, Brigette."

"Yes, sir," says Toby, smiling.

Christian exits, the door fluttering behind him. Manny claps, jumps up and down, runs behind the counter, and hugs Toby. Toby knows his heart is thumping, loves her head next to his. He hates that she pulls away so quickly, but it's to be expected.

Manny's phone buzzes, and she checks the number.

"Ninja movie?" she says. "Oh, it's from Craig. He must want to go."

Toby runs a hand through his hair. What did J.T. say? If you want pepper, reach for pepper. Craig's definitely pepper.

"Thanks for all your help, Toby," says Manny. "I need to pay you back some way."

"It was nothing," replies Toby. "Enjoy the movie."

"Yeah, enjoy the movie," says Carla, resting her hand on Toby's shoulder.

Manny leaves, smiling on the way out. Toby slinks away from Carla, goes to find the vest.

IV.

"You sure?" asks Craig for the thousandth time, leaning against the concessions stand.

"I think I heard," replies Marco. "Ellie, hurry up and get here, so I don't have to deal with this."

"You think?" says Craig. "You think you heard Sean ask Ash to the movies?"

"It was kinda loud," says Marco. "Don't bring me into this. I shouldn't have told you."

Craig leans his head against the glass window of the counter, his eyes staring dismally at Milk Duds, Jolly Ranchers, Sour Patch Kids. Why did he yell at her? Something snapped in his brain, had to release all that pent-up anger, as soon as he saw her. Now she'd found her way into the arms of another guy, and not just any guy. Sean? Sean? What could she possibly see in him? It makes no sense, thinks Craig.

"I don't want your hair grease obscuring the snacks," says Paige, yanking Craig's head up by the curls.

"Okay, owww," moans Craig.

Paige smirks at Alex, who is filling popcorn for Craig.

"What are you two doing here?" asks Paige.

"Going to see ninjas," says Marco. "Just waiting for El."

"Marco, hello, I wanted to see that!" exclaims Paige.

"If you had a boyfriend, he could've taken you," says Craig, smiling at her.

"Extra salt on his, Alex," orders Paige, thrusting a hot dog in Marco's hands. "And speaking of significant others, here comes the Pamela Anderson to your Tommy Lee. But do us all a favor and keep your clothes on."

Craig rolls his eyes, turns to greet Manny with a small peck on the lips.

"I heard this is good!" says Manny.

"It's even better with you," says Craig. "See you inside, Marco."

"Wait, you don't want to sit together?" says Marco.

"No, because this is a date," replies Craig, taking Manny's hand.

Craig parts the door to the theater, and the muted light illuminates the audience. Sure enough, Sean and Ashley were parked right in the center. At least they aren't touching, he thinks. Manny stares gleefully up at him, as Craig moves down the aisle towards them.

"Hey, Sean," greets Craig, flopping down in a chair next to Sean.

"Craig?" says Sean. "Hey."

Sean says it so casually it makes Craig want to kick him right there, like this is okay, like this wouldn't bother him.

"Hi Sean!" exclaims Manny, reaching over Craig to hug Sean.

"Manny, good to see you," says Sean. "How's Em?"

"Doing well," replies Manny. "And...hi Ashley?"

Manny throws Craig a worried stare, settles back into her chair.

"Hi," says Ashley, softly.

The room darkens, advertisements showing up on the screen. Craig watches Ashley's face. It remains virtually motionless, and he can't read whatever's going on in her mind. Sean's is the same, intent on viewing the screen. Manny grabs his hand, places it in her lap. Craig tosses a small smile her way, but his eyes find Ashley again.

A preview for a Jennifer Aniston film appears, and Ashley grins.

"I love her," she remarks.

"My brother Tracker is insanely hot for her. You should see his garage. Pictures of her in one corner, fifty at least, and..."

Craig coughs. "Um, some of us can't hear the previews."

"Maybe you should sit somewhere else, Craig," says Sean, crossing his arms.

"I think that's a good idea," interjects Manny.

"No, I'm fine here," argues Craig. "And if you knew anything about your date, you'd know that she likes to hear the previews."

"I'm okay with not hearing the previews, Craig," speaks up Ashley, frowning, face forward.

Manny squeezes Craig's arm. "Leave them alone, Craig."

"I am...I am," says Craig, putting an arm around Manny.

Onscreen, Jennifer Aniston chases a dog down the street, clad only in a towel. Most of the audience laughs, including Ashley, who begins to cough.

"Ashley, you okay?" says Sean, patting her back.

"It's no wonder," says Craig, peering at the popcorn Ashley is holding. "There's like six pounds of butter on there."

"Craig, if you don't shut up...," says Sean.

"Seriously," echoes Ashley, catching her breath.

"I'm going home," announces Manny, standing and heading for the exit.

"Manny!" whispers Craig, sighing, then following her out.

Manny sits in a chair next to a poster telling moviegoers how they can get free tickets if they enter a Christmas/Hollywood raffle. The motto reads: Hollywood, Where Dreams Don't Die. What a stupid slogan, Craig thinks. Craig kneels next to her.

"You're using me, aren't you?" whispers Manny, crying softly.

"No, I want you here," says Craig.

Who am I kidding? He wants her here, yeah, but to rub it in Ashley's face. He assumes Ali's out of the picture, and Sean's in his place, in _his _place dating Ashley. Looking at Manny's tear-stained face, it all added up to nothing, and he feels bad. Manny honestly liked him, and he wishes he could like her, really wishes he could.

"I don't want to be in there," says Manny.

"Okay," says Craig.

He leads her through the doors, wondering what is going on in the theatre. It all feels like a dream, some alternate universe. The dreams he had of being with her, marrying Ashley, still seem so fresh, so new. Then, he wonders if that lame motto is right, if dreams never die.

V.

"Front?," says Marco, entering the theatre.

"Back," orders Ellie, maneuvering past a couple making out.

"Because we're cool," agrees Marco, sitting down.

The opening credits for the movie start to roll, somber music filling the room. Marco bites into his hot dog, while Ellie pops open a box of Milk Duds.

"Want some?" whispers Ellie.

"Chocolate death...no way," replies Marco. "Dylan cracked a tooth on one of those."

"They're not that hard," says Ellie.

"Yes, they are," argues Marco. "Toss one and see."

"No!" says Ellie, giggling.

"You threw a drumstick! This barely rates. Do it!"

Marco playfully shoves Ellie, and Ellie smirks, tosses one in front of her. It hits a guy with wavy, brownish-blonde hair. He looks around suspiciously.

"Oh my gosh!" whispers Ellie.

"Is that...," starts Marco.

"Crouch! Crouch!," whispers Ellie, pulling Marco down to the floor.

"Babe, this floor is sticky," says Marco, grimacing.

Ellie raises her head above the seat, glad that Sean has turned around. Marco looks at her, guilt written all over his face.

"You knew he was here?" says Ellie.

"Not before we made plans," says Marco. "That's the truth."

"And is that...with him?"

"It's Ash."

Ellie shakes her head, stands, and pushes through the doors, paces the room.

"You're blocking customers, Speedy!" calls out Paige to Ellie.

Ellie sighs, goes outside the whole building, cold air blowing in her face.

"There's a code, Marco!" yells Ellie. "You don't date your best friend's ex!"

"Says the girl who fell for Craig," says Marco softly.

"What?"

"El, come on. This is all incestuous. You know it, I know it."

Ellie shivers. "You're right. I need to talk to him."

"To Sean?"

"To Craig."

Marco clicks his tongue. "Guess no ninjas for me today."


	5. Borderline

**V. Borderline **

Something in the way you love me won't let me be  
I don't want to be your prisoner so baby won't you set me free  
Stop playing with my heart  
Finish what you start  
When you make my love come down  
If you want me let me know  
Baby let it show  
Honey don't you fool around

Just try to understand, I've given all I can,  
'Cause you got the best of me

Borderline feels like I'm going to lose my mind  
You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline

Keep on pushing me baby  
Don't you know you drive me crazy  
You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline

Something in your eyes is makin' such a fool of me  
When you hold me in your arms you love me till I just can't see  
But then you let me down, when I look around, baby you just can't be found  
Stop driving me away, I just wanna stay,  
There's something I just got to say

Just try to understand, I've given all I can,  
'Cause you got the best of me

Keep on pushing me baby  
Don't you know you drive me crazy  
You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline

Look what your love has done to me  
Come on baby set me free  
You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline  
You cause me so much pain, I think I'm going insane  
What does it take to make you see?  
You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline

The streetlights shine down on the lonely sidewalk across the street. On their own stretch of walk, Craig and Manny reach the driveway of Emma's home. There was no talking on the way, merely uneasy glances and Manny staring ahead into the darkness, willing herself not to cry in front of him. How could he bring her there, use her as some pawn? She recalls the day after the wedding, when Craig came to Emma's and the tension of that morning was so different from the tension tonight. She grabbed a magazine out of anxiety before he approached, yanked at her nightshirt nervously when she told him she had a good time at the performance, was breathless when Craig leaned in for that kiss. Admittedly, maybe they should've talked first, cleared the air. But why ruin a good thing? Whatever possessed him to call her a mistake a year ago, whatever lead him back to Ashley had faded, or she thought it had.

"Manny...Manny, I was an idiot back there," says Craig, stroking her arm.

Manny looks through the front window of Emma's house, sees Spike cutting Jack's hair. Jack cries in complaint, lifting his little legs up and down.

"I better go in," says Manny, getting out her key.

Craig halts her, gets Manny to face him.

"A part of me wants to hurt her," says Craig, softly. "And that's why...that's why I invited you. I was a jerk. But that doesn't mean...that I don't care about you."

"So you weren't jealous?"

"Old feelings. But the way she treated me...was terrible."

Manny sniffles, a tear trickling to her chin. "Craig, I get that you're in pain, but you can't treat people...you can't treat _me _like that."

Craig nods. "I know. It's something I shouldn't do, but I do it. I hurt everyone I touch, it seems. I'm trying to be better."

"Revenge doesn't help you heal," says Manny. "I learned that with Paige last year."

"No more revenge," says Craig. "I'm with you."

Craig hugs Manny, and she feels the warmth of it. He really does care, she thinks, and it's great to have. When she walked the halls without Emma or Craig, she felt lonely, cold, evaluated. Emma had even made a point to walk with her after she witnessed the stares or catcalls Manny would receive. Feeling protected soothed her, was the only thing keeping her from retreating into herself.

He pulls back, grinning down at her. Manny shoves him lightly, smiles.

"I suppose I'm worthy of your forgiveness?" says Craig.

Manny stands on her tip-toes, kisses him. "For now. You're on probation, though."

"What would I have to do to get off?" teases Craig.

Manny giggles, pulls him closer, but sees the shadow of a figure standing on the sidewalk.

"Toby?" she says, stopping Craig from kissing her.

Toby hesitantly approaches, a blue vest cradled in his arm. Craig looks at him as well, gives him a friendly wave.

"Sorry to interrupt," says Toby. "Manny, you forgot your vest."

He hands her the vest with a shy smile, and Manny unfolds it, frowns.

"What's the vest for?" asks Craig.

"Well, you're looking at the new cashier at Hollywood Video Hut," replies Manny, beaming. "All thanks to Toby here."

"Wow," says Craig, hugging Manny from the side. "Congratulations."

"The boss seems like an interesting guy," says Manny.

"He is," agrees Toby. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

The front door of the house opens, and Spike appears, clearly rattled. She tucks some of her auburn hair behind her ear, holds out a sealed envelope to Craig.

"Thought I saw you," she says. "I promised some money to Diane for baby-sitting Jack a couple weeks ago. I called and she's at Joey's for a bit. Could you give that to her?"

"Sure," answers Craig, tucking the envelope safely into his jeans.

Spike goes back into the house, with Jack wailing "No mo' hair! No mo' hair!"

"That kid's going to be so traumatized," comments Manny, shutting the door behind Spike. "I'm living proof that haircuts are regrettable."

Both guys laugh, and Manny stares between them, amused.

"Um, so I'm going to go," says Craig after a few moments of quiet.

"Yeah, me too," says Toby.

"No, stay and keep Manny company," says Craig. "I feel bad abandoning her."

Manny's brow furrows, shooting Craig a confused stare.

"Sure...that's fine...stay, Toby," stammers Manny.

Craig pecks Manny on more time on the lips, starts down towards Joey's. Manny sits on the stoop, smiles up at Toby. Toby takes a seat next to her, drums a leg with his hand. The drumming on his leg is the only movement occurring, and Manny lets out a deep breath.

"You think I could put sparkles on this?" asks Manny, stretching out the vest.

Toby grins, glad the stillness is gone.

"You really want to do that?" says Toby.

"I could do it no problem," says Manny, confidently. "J.T.'s not the only seamstress. It'd be my little rebellion after Christian dissed Honey. Godfather, my butt."

Toby chuckles. "It's fine by me. Is Emma here?"

"No," replies Manny. "She went over Liberty's to discuss some project. I stopped listening to her after the words population control and depletion came out of her mouth."

"I'd stop listening too."

"Ah, so you do have a cut-off level when it comes to your nerdiness," teases Manny. "All hope is not lost."

"Ha ha," says Toby, dryly.

"No, seriously," says Manny, folding the vest again. "I think you have potential, Toby."

Toby smiles, looking at the pavement. Throughout all their five years at Degrassi, he'd been kind to her. In fact, he rarely had a bad word for anyone. Manny knows that's hard to find, guesses that's why he took the break-up with Kendra so hard. Her heart had been broken too, by Craig, but he'd come back into her life. Fate was giving them a second chance. If it would work, the ball was in Craig's hand.

"Potential?" says Toby, staring at her.

Manny giggles. "Yeah, deep down, you might be mildly interesting."

"Interesting?"

"Sure," replies Manny, then hitting him with the vest. "But not tonight."

She hears someone cough, sees Emma toppling towards them with a few folders in hand. Toby and Manny glance at one another, Manny standing and taking some.

"What is this?" says Manny.

"Half deal with statistics in Nicaragua, the other half with male contestants in beauty pageants," answers Emma, regaining her composure.

"Yeah, perfect mix. Why the pageant info?"

"Because that peroxide principal of ours won't let J.T. compete. Found out from Liberty, and I insisted on Googling precedents for this type of thing. It's straight up sexism. Tonight, I'm making fliers."

"Hmmm, I knew Hatzilakos wouldn't be on board," murmurs Toby.

"Emma, are you sure you want to take up another cause?" cautions Manny. "We're so close to winter break. Can't you chill and wait?"

"Auditions are after the ski trip, Manny," replies Emma. "Can't wait. I can either take action or sit by and do nothing. Besides, it's for J.T., and he wants this."

"Fine," says Manny, sighing. "I'll help with the fliers."

"Good," says Emma. "Now, we have a meeting with her tomorrow. Toby, you'll be there, of course."

"Do I have a choice?" says Toby.

"As vice president, it's..."

"Just kidding, Em," says Toby, exchanging a smile with Manny. "I'll be there."

"Luckily, she has a soft spot for J.T. Never underestimate the combination of empathy and passion. It's like I told Liberty. If the politicians in Nicaragua would just..."

"I'm leaving," whispers Toby to Manny.

Manny smirks, waves bye to him as Emma continues. Somewhat a surprise to herself, she wouldn't have minded talking to him a bit more. Then again, it's better than Emma's ranting.

"Manny, you're not paying attention," groans Emma.

"Fine...keep going," says Manny, opening the door.

"Okay," says Emma, following Manny inside. "The rainforests that are most at risk are being ignored by the very people that...ewww, I stepped into a clump of hair!"

II.

Ellie twirls her ponytail, a little alarmed that she's actually doing it. Lately, she took to curling her hair, wearing it out, but that took time and concentration, and she had neither after leaving the theater. She walked Marco home, then started the journey towards Craig's garage. The last time she was in that garage proved to be painful. That stupid song. Hopefully, this time would fare better.

Joey or Craig rarely locked the garage door, which bothered her but not tonight. She peers through the window of the garage door, sees Craig tuning his guitar. It wasn't that long ago when that sight made her heart flutter, that beautiful tentativeness that made her want to stare at him for hours. That feeling is replaced by a longing to make him stop, make him tell her that yes, Ashley contacted him and yes, she's still interested in him.

She opens the door, Craig looking up at her.

"Tuning time-out," says Ellie, grabbing her stool and sitting it in front of him.

"Okay?" says Craig, blinking at her.

She's not quite sure where to start. Viewing Sean and Ashley together would do that together. Perhaps if she strung some words together the rest would flow somehow? I can be coherent, she thinks. I can...no, I can't.

"Ashley and Sean! Ashley and Sean!" cries Ellie. "It's...Ashley...and...and..."

"Sean," fills in Craig.

"Thank you!" exclaims Ellie, twisting her ponytail again.

"I saw them too," informs Craig. "Ribbons of Blood draws everyone to the same spot, I guess."

"And you're just sitting here playing while our exes paint the town red?"

"What else am I going to do? I already made an idiot of myself being jealous...such an idiot. Surprised Manny didn't slap me. I would've let her too."

Ellie crosses her legs. "I guess I understand it, though."

"You understand Sean and Ashley?"

"Yeah...I mean, they both hurt us, and they're probably feeling pretty guilty..."

Craig props up his guitar. "Ellie, don't get soft on me. They know what they did."

"Craig, you should've seen the look Sean gave me today...," starts Ellie.

"El, don't be sweet this time."

"And he asked about Bueller," continues Ellie, grinning shyly.

"El!"

Ellie buries her face in her hands. "You're right. We have to be tough, hard. Wait for them to apologize."

Craig and Ellie glance around the garage, then back at each other.

"I care too much about her," admits Craig. "I don't know if I can wait."

"Me either," says Ellie.

"Then why'd you say what you said?" demands Craig.

"I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just talking to talk," snaps Ellie.

"Then think of something."

"You think of something!"

Craig starts to speak, but shuts his mouth. "Got nothing."

"I can't believe I had a crush on you!" says Ellie, standing. "You're useless."

"We're pitiful," moans Craig. "No, I'm pitiful for leading Manny on. My pitifulness must've rubbed off on you."

"Must've, because I definitely don't act like this normally," says Ellie. "Oh...sorry."

"Forget it. Ugh, I'll see you at school," says Craig.

Ellie sighs, lets her hair out of her grasp. "You tried pulling your hair?"

"Moment I saw Ashley," responds Craig. "Didn't work."

"Good to know," says Ellie as she leaves, taking out her braid.

III.

A butterfly, a fairy, and two daises adorn Manny's textbook cover. She adds another petal to a daisy as Emma shares with Miss Hatzilakos about a state fair in Arkansas that was sued by a guy who couldn't compete in the Turnip Festival pageant. Liberty, Darcy, and Spinner listen politely, with J.T. rolling his head absent-mindedly. Emma pulls out a pie chart, and Toby deadens his ears to Emma. He glances down at her notebook, nods approvingly.

Toby's not sure how long this meeting was supposed to be, but they'd already missed first period. "Thinking of putting the fairy on my Livejournal," whispers Manny to Toby. "I'm in desperate need of graphics."

"I can do some for you," whispers Toby.

"No, I'll just put up some pics of me and Craig," says Manny.

Toby turns back to the meeting, certain he doesn't want to hear about Craig. However, it was pretty odd that he bailed last night so he could talk to Manny, almost like they weren't as happy as they seemed when kissing. In fact, he thought he saw traces of tears in Manny's eyes. No, I'm reading too much into that, he thinks.

"Emma," begins Miss Hatzilakos. "I appreciate all your research, but a lot of the sponsors and the community center board aren't pleased with the idea of a male entrant. It's nothing against J.T."

"Ms. Hatzilakos, it's sexism," says Emma. "I was against the pageant before, but if we make a positive stand against this injustice, then we could really say something to the Degrassi community. The guy in the Turnip Festival later became mayor of the town that wouldn't let him do it."

"Why would you have a festival about turnips?" whispers Spinner to Darcy.

Darcy shrugs.

"Do you want to be known as the school that was ruled by the board, or the school that honors the rights of both genders?" asks Emma.

"Yeah," chimes in Spinner. "As a former Mr. Handsome winner, you can like show that it's okay to do stuff that's not expected of you."

Emma beams at Spinner. "Thank you, Spinner."

Ms. Hatzilakos stares at J.T. "You really want to do this?"

Toby shakes J.T., who appears flustered.

"Oh...oh, yeah," says J.T. "I want to do it."

Ms. Hatzilakos turns to Emma. "If you can get me a hundred signatures on a petition to back up your point, you've got a deal."

Emma and Spinner do a high-five, Darcy casting them a puzzled look.

"Thanks, Miss H!" exclaims J.T., going over to hug her.

"No hugs," says Miss Hatzilakos, shrinking back from J.T.

Emma walks over to Toby, pulls him up by his collar. She does the same for Manny.

"Em!" cries Manny.

"There's no time like the present," says Emma. "The bell for second period will ring any minute, and I'm going to make sure everyone has a flier. Toby and I will take the east wing, you and J.T. the west."

"Well, it is almost break," says J.T. "We won't miss much if we leave class."

He and Manny head in the opposite direction, Toby staring after them. Emma cradles some fliers, hands half to Toby. The bell sounds throughout the hall, and students file out, assorted noises reaching Toby's ears.

"There's Marco and Ellie," says Emma, cheerfully.

Marco is entering something into his phone, while Ellie sips from a coffee cup, leaning against a wall.

"Hello, Marco and Ellie," greets Emma.

"Hey," adds Toby.

"Hey, guys," says Marco.

Emma hands them each a flier. "We're campaigning so that J.T. can enter the Miss Degrassi competition. It's a noble cause, and there'll be a petition in the cafeteria at lunch for you to sign."

"Sure," says Marco. "I'm all for equal rights."

Ellie glances down at the flier. "Wow...I actually agree with you, Emma."

"Yeah, it must be getting chilly in here, because the world just froze over," whispers Marco to Toby.

Toby chuckles. Ellie sips more coffee

"Good," says Emma. "But you really shouldn't use styrofoam, Ellie."

"What the...?" starts Ellie, her face turning red.

"You're contributing to the problem," says Emma.

"They didn't have any other cups!" argues Ellie.

"Okay, the world is thawed and normal," whispers Marco, taking a picture with his phone. "So going in the yearbook."

"Maybe you should invest in a thermos," says Emma quietly. "Toby, let's go."

Toby shrugs back at Ellie, who appears livid, and trails Emma. Rounding a corner, Toby bumps into someone.

"Clara!" he says. "Hey!"

Emma looks from Toby to Clara, arches an eyebrow.

"You can have five minutes, Toby," says Emma. "Hey Clara."

"Hey," greets Clara.

Emma leaves them, Toby smiling at Clara. Clara blushes, puts her hands in her jeans.

Talking to Kendra before they dated tripped Toby up, but luckily Clara was making all the moves. Still, that didn't seem to be the case this time. She appeared more nervous than ever, and he can feel sweat coating every part of his body. Why didn't he ask her somewhere like she'd asked him? To dinner or the arcade? What's stopping him?

"Umm...see you after school?" says Toby.

"Yeah, after school," says Clara, a disappointed frown forming.

She slides past Toby, as Toby lets all the fliers fall. Sometimes boys can't do everything girls can do, he thinks, bumping his head with his fist.

IV.

After weighing several options, Toby takes out his labtop, hearing Clara chuck damaged tapes into a bin in the backroom. He'd send her an e-vite. No stammering, sweating, and well, words, would be involved. With the computer warming up, he decides on a movie, a place where talking wouldn't be necessary. Then, if that went well, the arcade. Pulling up the webpage, he nods at the screen.

"I can do this," whispers Toby to himself.

"This one isn't damaged!" says Clara behind him, startling him.

"Ah!" he exclaims, closing the screen. "Oh, it isn't?"

"Uncle Christian has it marked as damaged, but nope. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Poor tape. Still good, but no one wants it."

"Sean Penn would be insulted," says Toby.

The door to the store parts, and Manny walks in, her outfit very shiny for some reason. As she comes closer, Toby sees why. She had indeed stitched a design with sparkles to the back of her vest, though she had managed to work around the stitching that says Hollywood Video Hut.

"Nice, right?" says Manny, whirling around.

Clara's mouth hangs open. Toby raises his eyebrows.

"You're speechless, I know," says Manny, beaming. "When I first saw it, I couldn't speak either. But it looked so good. What should I do first?"

"You could do inventory," says Clara, putting the tape on the counter. "It's not that hard."

"Yeah," echoes Toby. "There's a list in the back, and you check to see what's there, what's on order, what we don't have."

Christian comes through the door, scooter helmet in hand, glances at Manny.

Toby casts a worried look in Manny's direction, as she smiles at Christian. Clara looks curious as well.

"Glitzy," comments Christian, nodding. "I like. Christian very much like."

"I can do yours, too," offers Manny. "And Clara's."

"No thanks," replies Clara, rolling her eyes.

"Fast Times!" cries Manny, looking at the videotape on the counter. "I watched this with Em. It's good."

"Hello? Classic teen movie," agrees Christian.

"Hmmm, looks broken," says Manny.

"No, it's not," says Clara, staring hard at Manny. "I've worked here for awhile so I think I would notice better than you."

Toby opens the case, examines the cassette. "It's broken."

Clara blows a streaked piece of hair out of her face. "Going for a walk. It's way hot in here."

They all watch Clara walk out in a huff, pushing through the glass door. Christian purses his lips, follows her out. Manny scratches her neck, frowns.

"I didn't mean to...," she says.

"She'll get over it," soothes Toby. "She's nice, just gets annoyed easily."

"Well, not with you," teases Manny. "I picked up some vibes when I came in."

"What you didn't pick up is that I can't talk to her," says Toby.

Manny joins Toby behind the counter, the bottom of her vest lightly touching Toby's arm. It feels nice, but he shakes himself out of it. He'd just have to get used to her being behind the counter is all.

"Talking's hard at first," says Manny. "I said some dorky stuff to Craig at first. Yummy yum yum."

Toby laughs loudly.

"Yeah, so bad," continues Manny. "Just have confidence."

"Not sure I have much."

"Of course you do! You're vice president, head of computer club, you handle all the stuff here. Here, just put back your shoulders..."

Manny gets behind Toby, rights his shoulders. Sweat forms on Toby's brow.

"I know it's hot in here, but stop sweating. Okay, so puff out your chest..."

Toby obeys.

"And tell her how you feel."

He lowers his shoulders again. "Can't."

Manny pats his back, leaves the counter, and adjusts a fan that's off to the side. Toby stares at her as she faces it in the direction of the front door. She takes off the scrunchy, lets her hair fly free.

"What are you doing?" asks Toby, grinning.

"Zoolander, perfect example of male confidence," explains Manny. "You've seen it?"

"May've...with J.T.," confesses Toby, blushing.

"Pretend this is a runway," says Manny, pointing to Toby to the front of the store. "And watch."

Manny backs up, lets the wind swirl her hair, walks down the carpet, poses at the end. Toby laughs, applauds politely. Manny grabs his hand, drags him to the front.

"Work it, Toby!" commands Manny.

"Manny...I can't...," he starts to protest.

"Come on, Toby," encourages Manny.

Toby goes to the front, feels the wind cross his flustered face, thinks it's not so bad, actually pretty fun.

"Take off the vest!" yells Manny, when Toby reaches the halfway mark.

He slips off the vest, puts it over his shoulder.

"Yeah, baby!" shouts Manny, clapping her hands. "Too hot to touch, Toby. Too hot to touch."

Reaching the end of the invented runway, Toby does his best Zoolander, jutting out his hips, lifting his eyebrows. Seeing the reaction from Manny, as she doubles over in laughter, is worth it. They both fall to the floor, chuckling.

"How was that?" says Toby.

"Please don't do that in public," says Manny, tears streaming down her face, this time out of happiness rather than sadness.

"At least it got you smiling," says Toby, laughing.

"Yeah," says Manny, her laughter stopping, a smile creeping to her lips. "It did."


	6. Material Girl

**_VI. Material Girl_ **

_Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me  
I think they're O.K.  
If they don't give me proper credit  
I just walk away_

_They can beg and they can plead  
But they can't see the light, that's right  
'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash  
Is always Mister Right, 'cause we are_

_Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
You know that we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl_

_Some boys romance, some boys slow dance  
That's all right with me  
If they can't raise my interest then I  
Have to let them be_

_Some boys try and some boys lie but  
I don't let them play  
Only boys who save their pennies  
Make my rainy day, 'cause they are_

_Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
You know that we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl_

_Living in a material world (material)  
Living in a material world  
Living in a material world (material)  
Living in a material world_

_Boys may come and boys may go  
And that's all right you see  
Experience has made me rich  
And now they're after me, 'cause everybody's_

_Living in a material world  
And I am a material girl  
You know that we are living in a material world  
And I am a material girl_

"Finally you picked a store with some decent music filling the room," says Ashley, as she and Paige head into Pretty Pretty, Paige's arms saddled with shopping bags.

"Is it my fault they played Jesse McCartney in like seven stores?" replies Paige. "He's not that bad."

"I want to burn my ears," says Ashley, as they head toward the formal ear.

"Just don't do before I make my little victory speech," says Paige, smiling.

Ashley sighs, starts shifting dresses on a rack. Agreeing to help Paige look for a dress for Miss Degrassi, something she was apparently doing to boost her resume after some disastrous interview with a college recruiter, had some negatives. The music annoyed her, Paige insisted on trying everything on, and it seemed to be taking forever. However, it focused on something other than Craig. The encounter in the hall was awkward, yes, but him showing up at the movies? The incentive behind that made no sense, or maybe it did, or maybe she just hoped that the reason she's thinking is the reason is really the reason. She places a hand on her temple, hurting after all those jumbled thoughts.

"Okay, I thought you said you liked the music," says Paige. "Why the headache?"

"It's...it's complicated," answers Ashley.

"Hon, clearly I'm out of the loop, and I hate that. It's great having you back, but you've been acting weird. I mean, the clothes?"

Ashley peers down at her ensemble. She was wearing a form-fitting lavender coat over a low-cut, black dress with an empire waist."It was on StyleWatch," says Ashley, quietly.

"No, I love it. It's just...the last time you changed, you were having an identity crisis," shrugs Paige. "Then, I thought you were comfortable in the goth thing, and the vintage thing. I'm all for fashion experimentation, but I have to ask. And you look sorta sad today."

"Everything's fine," assures Ashley. "Not sorta sad, not sad. Fine. Let's find you a dress."

Paige gives Ashley one last look of concern, but thankfully, she chooses to leave the topic behind. They both sort through the racks, and Paige pulls out a feathery, yellow frock.

"Some people shouldn't design...ever," says Paige, gagging.

"So do you want to win this thing, or are you just doing it to have more activities?" asks Ashley.

"At first, yeah, didn't much care," admits Paige. "Now, I can pretty much picture myself with the tiara and sash. Hello, pimping Degrassi around town, making speeches, being pretty and witty. Totally Paige Michalchuck."

"I'm surprised you don't have Hazel here," says Ashley. "She's your cohort in couture."

Paige's lips tense, and she forcefully puts the dress back, causing the whole rack to shake. Ashley raises her eyes in alarm.

"She's entering," says Paige, smirking. "My best friend...entering."

"Wow...why?" says Ashley.

"I don't know what's up with her lately. Maybe because I've been spending more time with Alex, and Jimmy's all consumed with coaching. She's on some agenda to get noticed, I think."

"Awww, I feel bad for her," says Ashley, not looking Paige in the eye.

"Whatever," says Paige. "This store is seriously slacking since last year. It must be only good around prom time. But then, of course, future flasher Manny stole my outfit. I'm going to Milanni's down the way. You coming?"

"And risk any more musical assault? No thanks," says Ashley. "Sorry."

Paige puts her shoulders back, goes out the door.

As much as she loves Paige, it's nice to have her gone. Of course she was sad. Kate and Toby did a good job of masking their surprise upon her arrival at the airport, and no one asked her about Ali, though she swore she noticed her mother glancing at her with a suspicious look at dinner every night. If her father talked with her mother, she wasn't sure. One thing Kate was sure about was that Ashley's closet was getting full, very full. Toby did his best to carry her luggage, made some statement about the weight of it, and she made up some story about her supervisor supplying her with some great outfits right before she came home. If they knew she blew half of her internship money, a substantial amount, they'd lay into her with all these questions, questions where the answers would be hard to compose.

It feels good to buy, the rush of living in the moment, not remembering the past. It was her money, her time to herself. Still, she kept some of her old outfits, the denim mini-skirt, a few long-sleeved tops, some belts, and of course, the dress to her father's wedding. The day was tumultuous, but parts of those two days were the best feelings she'd ever felt, mainly due to him being around.

Instinctively, she snatches up a sequined black top, a green dress, some casual pants, and the feathery yellow dress, not caring about the prices. There, no more thoughts, thinks Ashley triumphantly.

"You said you'd buy me anything I wanted for Christmas!" cries Angela Jeremiah. "The hair clips are over here!"

Ashley stands still, recognizing the voice. Then, another voice, the voice that makes her want to hide rises above the music.

"Yeah, but this is a girls' store and Christmas isn't for awhile," groans Craig. "There's leggings...and panties."

Craig grins down at a row of lace panties. Angie pushes him forward, while Ashley stares at them.

"If you don't get it now, they'll be all gone," says Angie. "All my friends want them."

"Fine," says Craig, as Angie hands him a hair clip.

"I want an Orange Julius too," adds Angie, pouting. "Please."

"Okay," says Craig, handing her two dollars. "This is the last time I take you shopping."

Angie squeals, runs out of the store. Ashley slides near a mannequin, watches as he takes out a wallet The clothes she has proves to be quite heavy, and she stumbles a bit, causing the mannequin to fall with a loud thud. Ashley stares up at the ceiling, shielding her eyes from the florescent lights with a hand. When she takes her hand away, she sees Craig, extending his arm to help her up. She rights herself, looks at him quickly, and clears her throat.

"No thanks," she says.

Getting up, she collects all the clothes, careful not to look at him.

"That's some dress, Ashley," says Craig. "Really yellow."

"It's by a credible designer," defends Ashley, frowning.

"Yeah," says Craig, sarcastically.

"Excuse me," says Ashley, staring into his eyes. "I have to go and pay."

"That's a lot of stuff."

"Well, luckily, I have a lot of money."

Craig smirks. "For all of that?"

"Internship, remember?" snaps Ashley. "Music stations pay pretty well these days."

"I see. Of course, you wouldn't have the cash to pay for that if you'd just stayed the summer like you said, came home in the fall."

Ashley blows out a breath, the heat in her body rising. "What?"

"This is pretty fancy," says Craig, taking the sequined black top from her. "For Sean?"

"I think you better move," says Ashley, getting up in his face.

"Sorry," says Craig, handing back the top.

Ashley snatches it, brushes past him. Ugh, he can be such a jerk sometimes, groans Ashley, putting down the things on the cashier's counter. Craig stands behind her.

"You can go now," says Ashley, folding her arms.

"I have to pay for this hair clip," says Craig, then gazing at it. "This very...ugly hair clip."

Ashley shakes her head. "Fine."

The cashier scans the prices, looks at the total.

"One hundred and fifty, miss," says the cashier.

Ashley's mouth drops. "Um, can you check that again?"

The cashier nods, reenters the prices. "It's correct."

She does have enough, but that would make a pretty big dent in her earnings, and she still had to go Christmas shopping. And what if Kate found the bill now that she was home?

"Nothing's on sale?" says Ashley, smiling hopefully.

"No, miss," says the cashier, who begins to look irritated.

"Does that seem right to you? I mean, it's the holidays and...," begins Ashley, blushing.

"I'll pay for it," interjects Craig.

"No!" exclaims Ashley.

Craig opens his wallet, takes out a credit card, and gives it to the cashier.

"I'm not letting you pay for it," says Ashley.

"You think you're the only one who made money this summer?" says Craig. "No, Joey got a boost in sales so my salary there is decent. Then, music gigs."

Ashley holds up her hands, indicating for the cashier to stop. The cashier sighs, while Ashley pulls Craig to the side.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but no," says Ashley. "That's your money. Use it for Angie or Joey, not me, okay? I don't need this stuff."

"Then why are you buying it?" asks Craig.

"I...I...," stammers Ashley, her eyes tearing up.

"Hey Ash, what's wrong?" says Craig, rubbing her shoulder.

Ashley wipes her eyes. "If I..."

"If you...come on," encourages Craig.

"If I look different, then I'll feel different, be different," says Ashley, tears coating her face. "I don't have to be how I was when I left, because that...that was pretty bad."

"Oh," says Craig, softly, though Ashley can detect sadness in his eyes.

"It's stupid...some stupid coping mechanism. I'm putting it back."

Ashley goes to get the clothes, but Craig pulls her towards him.

"Music," whispers Craig. "That was mine."

"Your what?" says Ashley.

"My coping mechanism," says Craig, smiling.

Ashley returns the smile. Craig nods to the cashier, and she swipes the card.

"Thank you," says Ashley, as the outfits are bagged. "I know you don't like the clothes."

"Um...well, they're okay," replies Craig.

"You hate them."

"Yeah, I do."

They both laugh, exiting the store.

"You need some help carrying these bags? I saw you stumble. I can drop off Ang, and walk you."

"Okay."

Ashley grins. He doesn't hate her, or perhaps he's being nice, like he usually is.

"I'm going to pay you back," promises Ashley, as they head towards Angie, sipping her Orange Julius.

"We'll talk about it later," says Craig, taking all the bags. "Or we could talk...today?"

Ashley nods. "Yeah."

"Good," says Craig, beaming.

"And the top...it wasn't for Sean.".

"Even more good."

II.

Manny sneezes, blinks at the list while her eyes adjust. Inventory may have been easy, but it was boring and dusty in the backroom. At least up front you could stare out the window, watch people pass. Toby's head appears in the doorway.

"How's it coming?" he asks.

"Dust," says Manny, sneezing again. "So much dust."

"It's almost closing time," comforts Toby. "I'll wipe down the shelves tomorrow."

"No, no," protests Manny. "Don't do anything for me. I'm a working woman now, have to get used to stuff."

"Okay," says Toby, disappearing again.

Manny checks a few more items, glances around, whistles. Then, she slams the list down on a table, advances to the counter where Toby hands a woman her purchase.

"I'm bored," complains Manny.

Toby laughs. "I told you this job wasn't glamorous."

"Has anyone famous ever come in here?" asks Manny. "Celebrities supposedly come to the video store to check out their own movies."

"Um...no."

"Well, maybe they were in disguise, and you missed them."

"You're the only actress we've had in here. Trust me."

Manny beams. "Well, now I feel special."

Toby smiles, then frowns. "Clara never came back."

"Maybe she's PMSing," says Manny. "It makes nice people all moody...oops."

Manny covers her mouth.

"Um...yeah," says Toby, awkwardly. "But I thought we'd at least hear from Christian."

"Why are you like the most reliable person here?" says Manny. "And this place is pretty dead. You should get some more workers."

Manny bangs the table resolutely.

"It's dead on weekdays, busy on weekends," explains Toby. "And I don't mind being reliable. Someone has to be."

She gives Toby a weak smile. Not everyone's so reliable, she admits to herself. Craig and her father, definitely not. Emma, well, it's off and on with her, though mostly on lately. Her mother was the only one really, but now they were out of contact.

"You know what you should do?" says Manny. "Have like a rent one, get one free special on Tuesday, a trick to get them here."

"Christian's not big on deals," says Toby. "He thinks each film should get its proper due."

"I think I could convince him."

"Nah."

"He liked the vest, didn't he? No, let me work on him, play up my feminine wiles."

"You better not be planning anything scandalous, Manny!" chirps a voice as the bell on the front door clangs.

Emma enters, two plastic bags in her hands.

"What is that?" asks Manny.

"Dinner," replies Emma. "Toby, you want some?"

"What is it?" asks Toby.

"Pita bread, bean sprouts, baby carrots," says Emma.

"And you actually thought I'd eat that?" says Manny.

"No, which is why I got you a ham sandwich and fries," says Emma. "Snake put it in so I wouldn't have to see the ham. The nasty, greasy ham."

"Awww, you guys take such good care of me," says Manny, taking the bag.

"Toby, up for some bean sprouts?" offers Emma.

"No...I gotta close up in the back," says Toby, disappearing.

Emma shrugs, and they both sit on the floor, Manny handing Emma a fry.

"So, how is it?" asks Emma.

"How's what?" says Manny.

"The job."

"Oh! It's okay. Your typical job."

"Yeah, with Toby. Are you bored out of your mind yet?"

"Some of the tasks are boring, but Toby's...he's probably the best thing about this whole thing."

Emma coughs, choking on a fry. "Uh, Toby?"

"Yeah. We had fun today. And he listens to me, which is nice."

"Well, okay, whatever you say," says Emma. "On to more romantic things. What's the chance of you not spending every waking moment with Craig when we're on the trip?"

Manny bites into her sandwich hungrily, anxious not to answer.

"Judging by that, I'm imagining we'll be spending lots of time together," says Emma. "What happened?"

"Ashley," says Manny. "The same thing that always happens. She pops up and Craig goes all distant."

"Yeah...it's all her," says Emma, sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" exclaims Manny.

"It's...you and Craig are different this time, Manny," whispers Emma, checking over her shoulder for Toby. "He never apologized. The mistake thing?"

"I forgave him," says Manny. "And..."

"And that's what you usually do. I've got reservations. I don't want you hurt."

"He wouldn't hurt me."

"I was there the first time you got hurt. Afterwards, you showed me all the stuff he bought you, told me all the nice things he said. None of that this year, right? Look, forget the gifts. He should make some time for you."

"You're not being very supportive, Em. I support you in everything, during the Jay fiasco, during this J.T. protest."

"I do support you. But Manny..."

"He's busy," says Manny, standing up. "But we'll make it work."

Toby reappears, jingling keys in his hand. "Time to lock up. You should watch probably. Clara usually does it, though."

"Fine," says Manny, glaring at Emma. "Since some people aren't being reliable."

III.

Ashley sits on the living room couch, looks over at Craig, who clasps his hands together, stares at the fireplace mantle. A pillow is all that's between them. Well, the only material thing between them. There was all that space to contend with, the pain to wrestle with.

"So...are you going on the ski trip?" says Craig, his eyes still staring ahead.

"Yeah, yeah," says Ashley. "Paige insisted I go. Our last big trip before graduation."

A few more moments of silence pass, Craig finally scooting next to her. The warmth of his body, even after trekking through the cold air to get to her house, makes her light-headed.

"I'm sorry...for the way I acted...with Sean," stammers Craig.

"It's alright," says Ashley.

"It was...just weird, you know?"

Ashley nods. "I get it."

"Are you still doing music?" asks Craig.

"I am!" says Ashley, feeling a bit more comfortable. "But reggae. That's my thing now. I still do all styles, though."

"That's cool," says Craig. "I'm playing around with funk, actually."

"No way!"

"Yeah," says Craig, grinning. "I like it surprisingly. It's good to have a fresh start."

Ashley swallows a lump in her throat after that remark. Looking into his eyes, she really wants a fresh start, to have him in her life again.

"So how's the Squatch sounding this year?" asks Ashley.

"Great. The big change is El on drums."

"Whoa," says Ashley, laughing. "When did that happen?"

Craig darts his eyes. "Um, well, Spin and Jimmy..that was a no go so we needed a drummer. But she's good...really good."

"Well, if I can't be the only girl in the band, then I'm glad she is," says Ashley, smiling.

"You're the original," says Craig, taking her hand. "Nothing beats the original."

Ashley blushes, looks down.

"And she wrote us a song," says Craig, letting her hand go much to her disappointment. "I carry it around in my wallet."

Ashley laughs. "Like you did with your other songs. Your little babies."

"Hey, if an agent ever comes around, I'll be thankful I'm carrying them," defends Craig. "Oh, here it is."

She takes it, reads the first verse. It's an excellent song, about chemistry, longing, passion.

"El wrote this?" says Ashley. "Okay, guess I have some songwriting competition then."

She continues, comes to the second verse. Wait a minute, think Ashley. Is this about group? No, no...yes, it is, about group. When did this shift come, from Ellie knocking Craig for cheating and suddenly being all into him?

"Um, I have to put these clothes away before Mom comes home, so can you go?" says Ashley, her face pink.

"What's the matter?" asks Craig, standing. "You're all flushed."

"From the cold," lies Ashley. "Here's your song and thanks for everything. But I can't...can't talk now."

"We're not going to talk?"

"Not now, okay?"

Craig shakes his head, frowns. "I'll go."

He goes out of the door, angrily slamming the door. Yes, she promised to talk to him, but that was before she found out that her best friend was in love with him. No wonder Ellie never returned her calls or e-mails, and was avoiding her in the hall. I can't talk, though, says Ashley. I am the one that dumped him, should feel guilty. Ellie did nothing wrong, and she'd done, well, everything wrong. Then, why did she want to yell in her best friend's face?

Ashley removes the yellow dress from its bag, flops down on the couch, hugs it protectively.


	7. Goodbye To Innocence

**VII. Goodbye to Innocence**

_I don't wanna say goodbye_

There are some who believe that I owe them something  
But they're wrong, I owe nothing to no one but myself  
And there are some who say they created me  
But only my parents will have that acclaim  
I took it from there, I am to blame  
Say goodbye to anonymity  
I have to (have to, have to) say goodbye  
To privacy, but most of all  
To innocence  
My life is not a _game __that I play to entertain you  
And if you can do it better, then you're welcome to my fame  
I'm not gonna waste my time correcting myths and rumors  
You believe what you wanna believe  
I don't wanna say goodbye  
I don't need a reason to cry  
Kinda makes me wanna  
Kinda makes me hafta_

Stop and think about it

_Do I want to?_

I don't (getting up and down)  
I don't (getting up and down)  
I don't (getting up and down)

Up-up, d-d-down, up-up-up

I don't (getting up and down)  
I don't (getting up and down)  
I don't (getting up and down)

Up-up, d-d-down, up-up-up

Listen up  
It always comes down to this 

_Some people have a snake at the base of their spine  
That would suck out your life, that would take all your time  
They're called feeders  
They're not believers but you must not fear it  
They're takers  
You know you better stop, stop and think about it  
Your innocence  
I don't wanna say goodbye to innocence  
I don't need a reason to cry, innocence_

Hold on to your innocence  
Hold on (hold on, hold on), hold on to innocence  
Hold on

Stop and think about it, say goodbye, think about it

"Jinx!" yells Ryan at the top of the lungs, running in a circle around Manny's legs. "You can't talk!"

Taylor whines, tries to tag Ryan. Manny stops Taylor, lifts him up, but he finally gives into the jinx, doesn't talk.

"You two need to calm down!" instructs Manny. "Sit on the story carpet. You know there's only a movie shown every two weeks. Take advantage of this."

Both obey, Taylor pushing Ryan on the way. Manny wipes sweat from her face, adjusts the TV so everyone can see, and hits play.

"Spongebob Squarepants movie!" yells Beth and Maria at the same time.

"Jinx!" shouts Beth.

Ugh, that's been happening all day, thinks Manny, as Ms. O' Neill switches off the lights. She'd mistakenly told Taylor what were and how to do a jinx. She figured any seven-year old would know, but nope, Taylor was sweetly naive and decided to try it out on Ryan, which caused everyone else in the room to join in. Everyone, that is, except Alyssa.

Manny stares at Alyssa across the room, who is attempting to read a book in the dark. After the incident with the duck picture, she started coming into the center late, possibly to decrease the time she had to spend around Beth, who continually picked her apart. One day, Beth's teasing got so bad Manny had to escort Alyssa outside and wait forty minutes, the remainder of that class period, for her mother to pick her up.

"You'll hurt your pretty little eyes," whispers Manny, sitting next to her.

"They're not pretty," counters Alyssa. "And I'm pretending to read."

"Why?"

"If I look busy, people will leave me alone. But you're here so I guess it didn't work."

Manny sighs, takes the book from her, reads the cover. "Anne of Green Gables. A little advanced for an eight-year old."

"My mom helps me read it," admits Alyssa. "I know the story backwards and forwards. Anne wasn't pretty either and she got made fun of."

"Don't let Beth bother you," says Manny, putting an arm around her.

"You won't be here for three days," whispers Alyssa. "Your field trip."

"Ski trip," corrects Manny. "I leave tomorrow afternoon."

The days leading to the ski trip seemed to shrink with all she had to do– finals, working at the video store, cleaning out her locker, seeing Craig when she could. The last task was the hardest, as usual, seeing as Craig was moody during all their interludes. Manny's moodiness, a direct result of Emma's assessment of their relationship, hung over the room too. It got so unpleasant she left him alone for two straight days. Still, it never matched the iciness between her and Emma when she came to the Nelson house to eat, sleep, or clean. Jack became a nice barrier, with her talking to him whenever Emma entered a room, and then a textbook covered her face when Emma entered the bedroom.

"What if Beth says something awful again?" says Alyssa.

Manny doesn't mean to zone out, but her mind goes to place, a memory where she felt at odds with herself. It was kindergarten, recess to be exact, with her huddled under the jungle gym, blowing the top of a dandelion. The seeds caught in the wind and she watched them swirl, around the bars, around Emma, as she entered their secret meeting place.

"Stop doing that!" complained Emma, lugging around her rainbow-colored knapsack.

"It's a flower...it's pretty," said Manny, picking at a scab on her knee.

"The flower never hurt you," said Emma. "How would you like your face blown off?"

"I wouldn't," replied Manny.

"There, you see?" said Emma, plopping her bag on the ground. "Wanna see something?"

Manny nodded. Emma gave her a mischievous smile, unbuckled her knapsack, and produced a jar with a tadpole in it.

"Yuck!" shouted Manny.

"Shhh," said Emma. "I saw him in the classroom and thought he needed to be free. They might cut him open if he stays."

"Awww. Poor...poor..."

"Floppy."

"Poor Floppy."

A large shadow crossed over them, and Emma hid the jar in her bag again. Mrs. Cutter peeped inside, a suspicious look on her face.

"Emma Nelson, what's in that bag?" asked Mrs. Cutter.

"Smushed cupcakes," lied Emma.

"You know you're not supposed to eat on the playground. Don't let me catch you doing that again," said Mrs. Cutter, folding her arms, then leaving.

"I bet she eats frogs," muttered Emma under her breath.

"Not Floppy!" cried Manny.

"Yeah, when Floppy gets older, she's going to..."

Emma was interrupted by a hand clanging on the outside bars of the jungle gym. J.T. Yorke waved, smiled at them.

"Knock knock," said J.T.

"Who's there?" said Emma.

"Hammond," said J.T.

"Hammond who?" said Manny.

"Hammond eggs for breakfast!" shouted J.T., laughing hysterically, sliding in.

Emma and Manny exchanged a look, shaking their head. Emma gave him the thumbs down, and J.T. stuck his tongue out at her. They preferred having the gym to themselves during that time, but they liked J.T. enough to let him slide in occasionally.

"I got something," said Emma. "But you can't tell."

"I won't," said J.T.

Emma reveals Floppy for a second time, J.T. gasping.

"Emma, you're going to get arrested!" whispered J.T. urgently.

"No, I won't," said Emma.

"Yeah, for stealing," said J.T.

"I'm trying to help him," whispered Emma, who Manny saw was a little worried. "You can't get arrested for that."

"Yes, you can!" argues J.T. "That and kissing before you're nine."

"You can kiss someone and not get arrested," spoke up Manny. "I kissed my mom on the cheek."

"No, you can't," said J.T. "It has to be like a real kiss, like Aladdin and Jasmine."

"That's stupid," said Emma.

"I swear on my Knock Knock book," promised J.T.

"Fine. Kiss Manny and see what happens, J.T.," said Emma, shoving J.T. in Manny's direction.

"What?" exclaimed J.T.

"Do it!" said Emma.

"No!" protested J.T.

A few kids gathered around the jungle gym, some digging up their nose, others twirling their hair. Manny saw Lindsay, the oldest kid in their class, in the back. For some reason, Lindsay resented Manny. Emma believed that it was because Manny always had the best barrettes and ribbons in class, because Lindsay made it a point to show her new ones off in clear view of Manny. Manny didn't care, until Lindsay said, in front of everyone, that you could buy them dirt cheap at the outfit mall, and whoever needed to know where they were should ask Manny. What could Manny say to that? She simply buried her head, cried on the desk.

"He's not going to kiss her," said Lindsay.

"Yes, he will," argued Emma.

"Nobody kisses ugly girls," said Lindsay, smirking at Manny.

"Shut up, Lindsay!" yelled J.T. "She's better looking than you'll ever be."

Manny's ears teared up. Lindsay shot J.T. an evil stare.

"Then kiss her!" shouted two other boys.

"No!" screamed J.T., leaving the space, running away. "I don't want to go to jail!"

"J.T. doesn't like girls that look like you, Manny," said Lindsay. "Poor and stupid."

Emma stood up, got out from under the gym, and pushed Lindsay.

"Take it back!" screamed Emma.

"Awww!" said the same boys. "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Other kids crowd around the circle, encouraging the girls to fight. Manny stared blankly at the group, tears streaming down her face. There was no fight, just a couple more pushes before Mrs. Cutter stopped it, and called Emma's home. Spike wasn't able to tear herself away from her mother's shop, so Ms. Santos agreed to watch the girls for about an hour. On the way home, she didn't give them a lecture, which they were both grateful for, especially Manny, with Lindsay's mean words running through her mind.

She set the keys on the counter, while Manny and Emma jogged to the kitchen.

"Joseph, we're home!" called Ms. Santos. "Girls, don't run!"

Emma immediately pulled Floppy's jar from her knapsack. Ms. Santos yelped, nearly fainted. Manny laughed, putting Lindsay out of her mind for a second.

"He needs fresh water," begged Emma. "Please, Mr. Santos."

"No problem," said Mr. Santos. "Emma, help Manuella's mother to the couch."

Emma takes Ms. Santos' hand, Ms. Santos fanning herself with the other hand. Mr. Santos fills another empty jar with fresh water, Manny getting on a stool watching him. Floppy skirts around animatedly, adjusting to the new water. Manny smiled at her father.

"Emma's trying to protect him," observed Manny.

"It's good to protect things," informed Mr. Santos. "Especially daughters."

Mr. Santos kissed Manny on the cheek.

"Dad, can you go to jail for kissing before you're nine?" asked Manny.

Mr. Santos chuckled. "No...no, Manuellita. But I don't want you kissing boys that young."

"I can still get married, right?"

"To a boy that appreciates you. He has to be a hard worker, dependable, and I'd like it if he were Catholic."

"Okay. Do you think I'm pretty enough to get married?"

She traced the top of the counter with her finger, not staring into her father's eyes, her gaze fixed on Floppy.

"I think you're very pretty," replied Mr. Santos.

"Would I be prettier if I looked like Emma, with blonde hair, lighter eyes?" said Manny, softly.

Mr. Santos picked Manny up, forcing her to stare into his eyes.

"You're the most beautiful girl in the world," said Mr. Santos. "You come from a gorgeous people, a proud people. You keep your head up, okay?"

Manny grinned, nodded. "I'll keep it up."

"Let's go see if your mother is alive," jokes Mr. Santos, taking his daughter's hand as they head for the living room.

A hand waves in front of Manny's face. Alyssa looks up at her timidly, brings her back to a room full of children laughing hysterically at Spongebob trying to cram a clarinet up an octopus' nose. Why did that memory come? What triggered it? Staring at Beth, laughing the loudest out of all, she knows, but remembers what her father said.

"Keep your head up," she tells Alyssa, who grins back at her.

With her father labeling her a slut years later, and not being home, she believes that's tougher to do. But she provides a smile of faith for Alyssa anyway.

Ducking out of the room, she punches in Emma's number. Emma picks up after the third ring.

"Em?" says Manny. "Can we end this little Cold War?"

"Yeah," says Emma on the other end. "I shouldn't have said anything. It's your business."

"No, you look out for me. Thanks for sticking up for me all those times," says Manny. "Especially with Floppy."

Emma giggles. "You remember that?"

"Yeah, that and other stuff."

"Well, you still have the best barrettes in school," says Emma, warmly.

"I do, don't I?" says Manny, smiling.

II.

Her notepad is empty, but that's soon to change. Ellie takes off the pen cap with her teeth, begins to scribble. The school auditiorium is packed, students anxiously waiting to hear what is about to said. A suitcase rests beside her, full of clothes for the trip they'd be leaving on in a few minutes. Marco's next to her, camera at the ready.

"El!" whispers Marco.

The rules of journalism pop up in her brain: how to craft a good lead, how to attribute sources, the who, what, when, why, and how questions already forming. She writes down a tentative title.

"El!" says Marco, more loudly.

"Oh, sorry, was in journalist mode," says Ellie, stopping her pen.

"Yeah, should know better not to interrupt you when you're writing," says Marco. "How many people do you think showed up?"

"A lot," says Ellie, counting. "One hundred."

Suddenly, Ms. Hatzilakos and Emma appear on the stage, both smiling.

"Wooo!" yells several people in the crowd.

"Settle down," instructs Ms. Hatzilakos.

"Where are the cookies?" yells Danny. "Emma said there'd be cookies."

"It'd better not have been those ghetto cookies in the right corner," shouts Derek. "Half of them were broken up. Ghetto cookies."

"Ghetto cookies!" yells another boy, causing several seconds of laughter.

Emma rolls her eyes. "We're here for a much more important reason than cookies. Miss Hatzilakos."

Ms. Hatzilakos clears her throat, smiles a the crowd.

"Thank you, Emma. I have just been informed by the board that thanks to the petition circulated during the lunch periods, holding one hundred and twenty of your signatures, James Tiberius Yorke will compete in the Miss Degrassi proceedings."

"Who?" shouts Derek.

"J.T., man!" says Danny. "Dude, catch up."

A chorus of cheers invade the room. Marco smiles at Ellie, takes a picture of Ms. Hatzilakos shaking Emma's hand.

"Because of your enthusiasm, J.T. would like to thank you himself," says Emma. "J.T."

Everyone sits up, glancing around for J.T. Emma rolls her eyes, pulls J.T. out on stage, ipod in his ear. Emma indicates that he should shut it off.

"Emma, DJ Mad Bulletz. You...oh...oh! Oh, sorry," says J.T. "What's up, Degrassi!"

"Woot!" shouts Derek in response.

"Can't wait to see you in a bathing suit, man!" jokes Danny. "Better use your pump!"

Several people laugh loudly, J.T. turning red.

"Um, yeah...anyway, thanks for all your support and I promise to make the male half of Degrassi proud. Represent!" says J.T., kissing two fingers and raising them to the sky.

"Represent!" says Danny, doing the same.

Ellie smirks, finishes writing down some notes.

"Thanks, J.T.," says Miss Hatzilakos. "As a reminder, auditions start the second week of December, with the pageant taking place shortly after Hanukkah, December 22, so mark your calendars. Tech crew, please see me after this assembly. Please have a safe, enjoyable winter break, and we'll see you back in January."

The audience cheers again, dozens of chairs scooting back as they exit.

"Show time," mumbles Ellie to Marco.

Marco nods, trails Ellie.

"Hazel!" calls Ellie, seeing her lime-green top through the crowd.

"Hey, Ellie, Marco," greets Hazel.

"Would you willing to answer a couple questions?" says Ellie.

"Sure," answers Hazel.

"Great. Um, how do you feel about J.T. entering the pageant?"

"I think it's a good thing. Didn't see why it was a problem in the first place. He can do what we're doing, only he won't be wearing heels. Or a dress. Or hair spray. Wait, maybe he will wear hair spray, and make-up. Yeah, those last two, he'll be wearing. I could recommend a good foundation for him. He and Paige have about the same complexion..."

"Thanks, Hazel," says Ellie, quickly. "Um, no further questions."

Hazel waves, walks away happily. "I'm going to be in the paper!"

"Was there a word of that you can use?" asks Marco, after Hazel leaves.

"Hello! Why do you think I halted the interview?" replies Ellie. "There's Liberty. She's always good for a quote."

Ellie and Marco walk briskly to Liberty, who appears red-faced, agitated.

"Liberty, can we ask you some questions for the Grapevine?" says Ellie.

"Why is he doing this?" barks Liberty, startling Marco so much he almost drops the camera. "He could be doing extra hours at the pharmacy over break, but no, instead, he has to parade himself around school because he's hungry for attention. He's obviously not thinking of anyone but himself. I mean, I can't work, so...so..."

Ellie and Marco stare at her with blank looks.

"Sorry," says Liberty. "Gotta go to the bathroom."

Liberty walks away, while Ellie sighs.

"Can I get a good quote from anyone?" she exclaims.

"I don't know if it'll be good, but you can ask me stuff," says a voice behind her.

Ellie turns, glances nervously at Marco. Sean takes off his bookbag, lets it lay on the floor next to his feet. Marco takes a picture of him.

"Marco!" whispers Ellie through gritted teeth.

"What? Girls reading the paper will like it. I'll go protect our luggage," says Marco.

Sean smiles at her. That smile, thinks Ellie regrettably. It always causes her blood to flow more quickly, her head to spin faster. Oh well, something else he should feel guilty about, though he'd probably feel proud of that fact.

"Going on the trip?" asks Sean.

"Maybe," says Ellie.

"Marco mentioned luggage," says Sean. "I'm going. Believe it or not, had enough money from working in the shop."

"So? I could be going to...Tahiti," stammers Ellie, blushing.

"Tahiti?" says Sean, chuckling. "Okay. Oh, remember when we talked about going there for spring break one year? I mean, there was no way we could manage, but it was fun to think about."

"I don't remember that conversation," says Ellie, avoiding his eyes.

"Yeah, you do," says Sean, confidently.

"Okay...um, first question," says Ellie, pretending not to hear him. "How do you think J.T. will fare in the pageant?"

"I miss you, Ellie," replies Sean.

Ellie stares hard at her notebook. "Second question. Do you think pageants outside of Degrassi should rewrite the rules. If so, why?"

"You're all I thought about in Wasaga," says Sean.

Ellie's heart beats wildly, and she hits her head with her notebook. Liar, she thinks. You wouldn't have brought Ashley to the movies if that were true.

"I can't even conduct a proper interview with you," groans Ellie. "This has nothing to do with Wasaga or me or you."

"Uh...," begins Sean.

"You know what this is about?"

"The pageant?"

Ellie takes a deep breath. "Yeah! And Ashley!"

"What?" exclaims Sean.

"Do not play innocent," whispers Ellie, sternly. "Ribbons of Blood."

"Okay, I thought this was an interview, not an interrogation," says Sean. "I feel like I'm on Cops."

Ellie giggles, then frowns. "Stop it."

"Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do..." Sean starts to sing.

"That show was so lame," says Ellie, laughing into her notebook.

"Yep, laughing at the Americans. Shame on you, Ellie," chastises Sean, playfully.

"Like you didn't?" says Ellie. "I remember you staying up with me to watch it."

Sean holds up his hand. "Yeah, yeah...I did."

Ellie closes her notebook, smiles.

"Just two friends going to a movie," says Sean, looking her straight in the eye. "I swear. Okay?"

Ellie nods, her heart slowing down. The idea of them going as friends never crossed her minds, but yeah, it made sense. Now she really feels the urge to track Ashley down, lift the rest of the weight off her shoulders. Spending several days loathing both of them just wasn't mentally or emotionally healthy.

"Maybe I'll see you on the mountain?" says Sean, picking up his bag.

"I'll be the one giving evil looks to the snow bunnies," replies Ellie.

Sean chuckles. "Alright then. See ya."

He strides away, goes over to talk to Manny near the stage. Just friends, thinks Ellie, grinning widely. Best quote of the day.

III.

"How did I get roped into this?" says Manny, barely able to carry the box Emma hands her.

"Best friend duties," replies Emma.

"So how did I get roped into this?" asks Toby, taking another box.

"I'll think of an answer for you later," says Emma, getting the final box.

Manny moans. They were transporting things off the stage so the tech crew could do prep work for the pageant. J.T. grandly opens the supply closet for them, then blows on his nails

"Already becoming a diva, J.T.?" says Manny. "You could help."

"The public doesn't want to see their favorite guy with calluses, Manny," says J.T.

They all head back to the stage. J.T. picks up the auditions list.

"And now for the moment of truth," says J.T., writing his name.

"Like they want to see a male in this," says a grating voice.

Manny arches her eyebrow, glances at Emma.

"I've got over one hundred signatures that say otherwise, Heather," snaps Emma, putting the petition in her face.

"Oh yeah, all your little friends signed it. I'm so impressed," says Heather Sinclair, grabbing the petition from Emma. "I bet Manny's on here first. Yep, follow the leader like you always do, right, Santos?"

"Shove it, Heather!" exclaims Manny.

"Fine," says Heather, dropping Emma's petition on the floor. "Don't want that anyway. Hand over the list, J.T."

J.T. grudgingly gives it to her. "Will you leave then?"

"Gladly," returns Heather. "Aww, I see neither Manny or Emma has signed up. Then again, with your reputations..."

"Reputations?" says Emma, crossing her arms.

Heather grins. "How soon we forget the good times in the ravine, Emma. I'm sure your partners in the van would be offended. And Manny, I guess we've already been exposed to you enough. I mean, really exposed. One year, it's boyfriend stealing, then it's a wardrobe malfunction, then an X-rated e-mail. I shudder to think what comes next. There will be children at this event. Innocent eyes and all. Can't corrupt them."

"Like you're perfect," says Toby. "We still have that tape of you with a booger in your nose during your morning announcement audition. How about we play that?"

"Oh, did someone just speak?" says Heather. "I thought I heard a voice. Oh, nope. Just Toby, the Invisible Man."

"Why don't you shut up, Heather?" exclaims Manny. "With your nasty, collagen-injected lips."

Emma stands next to Manny.

"And you'll be wishing to be invisible if you don't get out of here," says Emma, grabbing the list out of her hand.

"I'll leave, only if Emma signs," threatens Heather.

"No way," says Emma.

"I thought you'd be willing to support your friends, Emma. Playing all nice for the crowd, being all pro-pageant, but really you're still the girl with a stick in her hiney. This competition too good for you?"

"No!" exclaims Emma, red-faced.

"Then sign."

Emma angrily writes her name. "There. Now leave."

"Well, naturally if Emma's entering, Manny should enter too," continues Heather.

"Will this horror never cease?" says J.T., flopping down on the stage. "Leave!"

"There's an agent," says Heather.

"I'm aware," says Manny, glaring at her.

"Perfect chance to finally get one."

"Ugh," says Manny, grabbing the list and signing. "You happy?"

"See you on the stage, girls," says Heather, grinning. "I'll be the one in the winner's circle, looking down on you."

Heather leaves, practically bouncing out of the auditorium.

"I need some chai tea to relax," mutters Emma, heading for the side door. "Dot before the ski trip bus leaves."

J.T. slides off the stage, hands Toby the keys to the supply closet. "Coming."

"So I assume I'm locking up," says Toby, rolling his eyes as J.T. and Emma head out.

"I'll stay," says Manny. "I hate chai."

Toby grins at her. "Heather shouldn't have said that about you."

Manny's eyes fall. Heather was just saying what other people were saying in secret, that she was an embarrassment to herself, that she didn't think before she acted. If they only knew that she wished she could take back all of that, even the stuff with Craig. She would've been with him at a better time, a time that wouldn't result in a year of pain and lies, to Ashley and herself. Still, I'm lucky to have him now.

"It's okay, Toby," says Manny. "Used to it."

"She stinks. Figuratively and literally."

Manny frowns. "I'm thinking of pulling out, though. I don't have the money. I'm not Paige."

"Don't," says Toby forcefully.

"Toby..."

"She said one thing that was good," says Toby. "This is a good chance for you to get an agent."

"But the money!"

"I'll help you. I'm sure there's a dress with a decent price somewhere. J.T., not sure he could win, but you, you can put Heather in her place."

"You think I have a shot?" she says, watching Toby lock the door. "Why? Why not Em?"

"Uh...," says Toby, blushing.

"Uh what?" prods Manny.

"Because you light up all the stages you walk on. Dracula, the Kevin Smith movie," says Toby, softly. "With or without a vest."

Manny smiles. Throughout all their time at the video store together, with her doing inventory, he'd done so many nice little things for her. He did wipe down the shelves despite her protests, let her sit on the stool after tiring afternoons at the center, offered to get food for her and Clara on his break. But what he said just then moved her differently, a comment she could believe in.

"Thank you," whispers Manny.

"I know it's weird coming from a friend. Especially Mr. Invisible."

"You're not invisible, Toby," assures Manny. "And it's a nice thing for a friend yo say."

"Door's as locked as it's going to get," says Toby, smiling to himself. "You ready?"

"Yeah. I'm ready for anything."

IV.

Ashley tugs on her suitcase handle one more time, blows out a breath.

"Okay, not moving," says Ashley, putting her hands on her hips.

"Who's winning?" asks Sean, strolling up next to her.

"The suitcase," answers Ashley.

Sean hands his pack to a man loading the bus, then comes back for hers, lifts it with ease. Ashley lets out a sigh of relief, following him.

"Bench press," says Sean, flexing his arms a little.

"I see," says Ashley, laughing. "So I saw you and El talking."

"Yep. She didn't spit on me or anything," says Sean, grinning.

"And Craig was nicer yesterday," informs Ashley. "Until I kicked him out."

"Progress is progress," says Sean. "You sitting with anyone on the way down?"

"No. You?"

"Am now," says Sean. "See you on there."

Ashley nods, looks around while Sean boards the bus. Out of the corner, she sees a flash of red hair, then Ellie's face comes into view. The lyrics of that song had been playing in her mind since she read them, and seeing Sean's hopeful expression as he talked about Ellie made them play even louder. Why'd she read that? And was Craig that clueless? Worse, he's most likely mad at her now for telling him to leave.

"Ash!" calls out Ellie, running towards her.

She gives her a hug, which Ashley awkwardly returns.

"Hey," greets Ashley.

Ellie pulls away. "Sorry for lack of communication. The Craig thing."

The Craig thing? What, is she admitting it?

"Craig thing?" says Ashley, turning red.

"Yeah, him finding out about Ali. I was a tad mad, but it's your decision," says Ellie, looking down.

"Oh, that thing. Yeah, my decision," says Ashley.

Like your decision to not tell me about your feelings for Craig, thinks Ashley. Ellie has some nerve playing coy. She obviously feels guilty for the other Craig thing, falling for him.

"How is Ali?" asks Ellie.

"He dumped me," says Ashley. "I bet you love that."

"What? Ash?" says Ellie.

"Read the song," informs Ashley, shaking her head. "You not talking to me for months? Maybe I can return the favor."

Ashley smirks at her, walks to the bus, accidentally bumping into Craig, carrying a hot pink bag.

"Hi," says Ashley.

"Hi," replies Craig, frowning. "Excuse me."

He goes to the back of the bus, with Ashley following him.

"About yesterday...," starts Ashley.

"Got to put Manny's bag in," interrupts Craig. "I'd offer to put yours in, but Sean did. Guess that's what good boyfriends do so...bye Ash."

"But Craig..."

"I said bye Ash."

Ashley gives him a final look, walks to the door of the bus, putting on her gloves. She finds Sean in the back, settles in next to him. She watches Ellie board the bus, guiltily staring at her and plopping down next to Marco in the middle of the bus.

"This is going to be some trip," says Sean, handing her a stick of gum.

Ashley puts it in her mouth, chews vigorously as Craig comes in, sits next to Manny, puts an arm around her.

"I can hardly wait," says Ashley, forcing a smile.


	8. Ain't No Big Deal

**VIII. Ain't No Big Deal**__

Please don't be afraid to look me in the eye  
Sad time is gone I got no tears to cry  
So don't say you don't know alright  
But I say we'll get by

Ain't no big deal to say  
Our love is still  
Call out my name  
I'll be there

Ain't no big deal to say  
Our love is still  
When you reach out  
I'll be there

Nobody makes me feel the way that you do  
Night time's such a thrill when I spend it with you  
Now ask me what is on my mind  
So I can tell you true

Ain't no big thing  
Ohhhh ya

Reach out Reach out  
Reach out Reach out  
Reach out Reach out  
Reach out Reach out  
Reach out Reach out  
Reach out Reach out  
Reach out Reach out yea  
Reach out Reach out yea  
Reach out Reach out yea

Ain't no big thing  
Ain't no big thing

Ain't no big deal to say  
Our love is still  
Call out my name  
I'll be there

Ain't no big deal to say  
Our love is stillWhen you reach out  
I'll be there

Got love for you so strong  
It's makin me high  
Don't know what I'll do if you won't give it a try  
So nows the time to make it clear  
Let me show u why

Ain't no big deal to say  
Our love is still

Ain't no big deal  
Ain't no big thing  
Ain't no big deal  
Ain't no big thing

Just call me  
I'll be there  
I'll be there  
I'll be there  
I'll be there

Ain't no big deal  
Ain't no big deal  
Ain't no big deal  
Ain't no big deal

Ain't no big deal  
My love is for real

Ain't no big deal  
My love is for real

**Author's Note: Okay, so we're eight chapters in and I still haven't done Sean's POV. Well, here it is. Sorry it took so long, but I find him the hardest to write. **

Also, have to thank my college friends for introducing me to anime. I'm like a D student in anime, but they did introduce me to a couple, including Princess Nine, which is mentioned in the first scene. It's about a girl's baseball team, and it's really cute.

Thus far, I've hit myself several times for mixing up Clara and Carla in a few chapters. It is Clara, like the Nutcracker character, not that it matters in the story. Thanks for all the reviews thus far. :)

Danny plasters his face against a school bus window, blowing up his mouth like a fish as Toby passes, heading to load his luggage and skis with the rest of the stragglers. No doubt he'd have to sit in the front now...with Simpson. He hopes that he doesn't want to talk about software upgrades with him.

"Hey, Tobester!" yells Danny, inching down his window. "Too good to rent like the rest of us?"

"I just had these lying around," says Toby. "My dad bought them for me."

"Yeah, yeah," replies Danny, grinning. "Me too."

He puts his window up, and punches Derek, sitting next to him, leafing through the newest copy of the _Crimson Kid_. Peter and Sully show up behind him, shouldering clearly new skis. Toby looks dismally at his pair, plain, older red Volkls for intermediate skiers, and the man loading the bus smirks at him.

"My dad bought me the latest model," says Sully behind him. "Nordica Hot Rod with a flame design. Gets some sick speed when you're shredding the powder. But it's definitely for the more aggressive types."

"Nordica's tight," admits Peter. "But Volkl AC4's for experts."

He proudly flashes it in front of Toby, before handing it over. Sully puts a pair of goggles over his eyes, leaves with Peter by his side. Toby sighs.

"Wait...wait!" cries a familiar voice to his left.

Clara jogs up to the back of the bus, streaked hair underneath a blue knit cap. She hands the man a pair of skis, smiles at Toby. Toby knows his cheeks are red, not because of the cold.

"I was late. Stomachache," she says.

"Are you okay?" asks Toby.

"Yeah...not gonna let a stomachache ruin a good time," replies Clara.

"Yeah," says Toby, looking down.

It had been awkward with them ever since Manny started working at the store. She barely talked, instead letting Manny go on and on about whatever subject she wanted. She did, however, keep a close eye on her, maybe a secret agreement between her and Christian, who agreed to watch the store the days the three of them were gone. He never did send her that e-vite.

"Feel bad that your uncle has to watch the store while we're on vacation?" asks Toby.

Clara laughs. "No. It won't be that busy. Weekdays."

"Right," says Toby.

"Guess we better get on," says Clara, about to head to the bus door.

"Do you want...," starts Toby.

"Yeah?"

Toby takes a deep breath. "Do you want to sit together?"

Clara nods enthusiastically. "Yeah! I mean, yeah, that'd be cool."

"We'll be in the front. With Simpson."

"I don't mind. He's nice."

They head to the door, Toby shyly taking her hand to steady her as they have to maneuver over an icy patch near the wheel. He lets go of her hand and they sit right behind the bus driver, right across from Simpson. He gives them a cheesy smile, goes back to taking attendance.

As he does, Toby retrieves his sketchbook from his backpack. Clara notices, takes it from him. Flipping through a couple pages, she appears pleased. Luckily, Toby's hands are covered with gloves so she wouldn't see them sweating.

"These are awesome," she whispers. "You draw Kenshin really well."

"Thanks," says Toby. "I'm better with villains, though."

"Me too," says Clara, continuing to turn pages. "Oh, this one's nice. Who is it?"

"Ryo, from Princess Nine," says Toby, softly.

He's not sure why he kept that particular picture. Maybe he's hoping that it'll bring up some good feelings after awhile, but no, still that painful ache in his side whenever he sees it. It had to be worse than Clara's stomachache.

_He told her to meet him at the mall, by the arcade, their usual hang-out spot. She'd have no clue where they were really going. He looked around, coughed into his hand to check his breath. Nice, he thought, really nice. He wore slacks and a dressy red shirt, a shirt Kate complimented on his way out. Hopefully, she'd like it as well. _

Kendra Mason waved to him, halfway there. A huge smile escaped Toby's lips. Her new gymnastics schedule ate away much of their time together, but he understood. Degrassi had a smaller team with a lot of talent, so naturally Hatzilakos or Armstrong, also coaching that year, wanted them to shine in the same league as more competitive schools.

"Hey," said Toby, greeting her with a kiss.

"Whoa, look at you!" praised Kendra. "And I'm in my ugly sweats because I just showered."

"You look great," assured Toby. "Ready?"

"To kick your butt at Skeeball...pssh, yeah," said Kendra. "Let's go."

Kendra started to go into the arcade, but Toby grabbed her hand, pulling her to a sushi restaurant a couple doors down.

_"What's this?" said Kendra. _

"A surprise," informed Toby. "Um, for your birthday. I know it's Saturday, but I couldn't take you out because of this service at synagogue."

"Awww," said Kendra. "This is so sweet. And I love sushi."

Kendra hugged Toby, their first hug in weeks. He knew it would go over well, and he hoped she liked her present too. They held hands and enter the restaurant.

"Reservations for Isaacs," said Toby to the hostess.

"This way, sir," said the hostess.

"I feel so grown up," said Kendra. "But seriously, you could've given me a heads up so I could wear something decent."

"You're fine," said Toby.

They were seated, Kendra beaming at the menu as soon as they sat down.

_"You're such a romantic, Toby," said Kendra. "Seriously, if you ever change that about yourself, I'm going to beat you up." _

"Or get Spin to do it," said Toby, smirking.

"No, I can take you myself," said Kendra, reaching over and kissing him.

"How's practice?" said Toby, as a waitress pours some water.

"Great actually," replied Kendra. "You remember that scout you sat next to last Wednesday?"

"Yeah. He asked me where to get good brisket on Degrassi Street."

"Well, he's kinda interested in me. I mean, not like that," said Kendra, noticing Toby's mouth drop. "He wants me to try out for an athletic program at Gleeson. The academics aren't that great, but it's not like I'm smart like you so that's not a problem."

"You are smart," countered Toby. "But that's really cool."

"I know. _If I made it onto this team, I could do university sports, maybe become a professional." _

Toby picked up his chopsticks, stared sullenly at them. If she goes to Gleeson, he thought, I'd see even less of her. But she is good, the star of the team after Manny quit.

"I think you should go for it," said Toby. "Skeeball, gymnastics...you can do anything."

Kendra grinned. "Thanks. I think I am going to do it."

Kendra's cellphone buzzed, and she looked down to see the number. She immediately blushed.

"Who is it?" asked Toby.

"Nobody," answered Kendra. "Okay, it's this student from Gleeson, Sam. The scout's son. He kept flirting with me at practice so I gave him my number. I told him not to call, but he can't take a hint. Idiot."

"Oh," said Toby, grasping his napkin nervously.

"Told him I had a boyfriend, Toby. Don't worry about it."

"Well, when you're not practicing...," said Toby, a relieved smile on his face as he pulled a piece of folded paper out of his pocket.

Kendra clapped excitedly, unfolded the paper, and let out a happy little shriek.

"Ryo!" exclaimed Kendra. "My favorite."

"The DVD's coming in the mail later," said Toby. "Sorry."

"This is the perfect gift. The sportiest, coolest female in anime, and you drew her perfectly. Thanks so much."

"It was either this or me decorating your locker again," said Toby.

Kendra laughed, went over to hug him from behind. If only the days following were that good. Four weeks later, she received admittance into Gleeson. Talking to her became a rarity, like he feared. It got so bad he asked Spinner to deliver a couple messages to her. He'd say sure, give him a guilty look, and would avoid him in the Dot whenever he came in with J.T. Eventually, Spinner handed him a note, couldn't look Toby in the face.

She'd met someone. He guessed it was really Sam, but she wanted to spare him the humiliation. Wanted to still be friends. He couldn't, didn't remember the words of it exactly. He did, well, had to remember the drawing because she gave that back to.

"If it's any consolation, dude," said Spinner. "She cried when she gave that to me."

Toby nodded, walked out of the Dot, tears threatening to spill. He reached home in record time, went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. His father was doing a crossword puzzle, after betting Kate that he could do five in a day, a running joke between them, but stopped when he saw his son's expression.

"What's wrong, Tobes?" asked Jeff Isaacs, pulling out a chair for him.

"Nothing," said Toby, sniffling. "I want water."

"Come on, son," said Jeff. "You can tell me. Kate's gone, Ashley's upstairs. Just us guys."

Toby shook his head, sat. "Kendra and I...done."

"Oh, sorry to hear that," said Jeff. "She was a nice girl."

Toby started to stand. "The last girl."

Jeff pulled him back down. "Hey, she wasn't the last girl. Look at me, Toby."

He looked at his father sadly.

"She wasn't the last one, okay?" said Jeff. "There'll be others."

"No...no there won't. I'm not...not attractive or interesting..."

"You were to her, and you will be to someone else," said Jeff, putting an arm around him. "Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. So it didn't work out with her. One day, it will work out with a girl. Okay, champ?"

"Okay," said Toby, nodding half-heartedly.

"Good, that's my bud," said Jeff. "Know a seven-letter word for wandering aimlessly?"

"I'm not helping you, Dad," protested Toby, filling a glass with water.

"Kate told you not to help me, didn't she?"

"Staying out of it," said Toby, smiling and leaving the room.

Clara pokes Toby, snapping him out of that painful memory. He's thankful for that, focuses on her pretty eyes. There will be others, his father promised. While Clara finishes going through the book, Toby turns his head, sees Manny looking around while Craig chats with Marco in the seat behind them. He waves, nods his head at Clara. Manny grins, gives him the thumbs up.

II.

"_Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer_," sings Danny.

"Shut up!" yells Nate, a few seats behind Danny.

"Are we there yet?" moans Danny.

"Wow, are you going to use every road trip cliche before we get there?" says Nate.

"Yep," replies Danny.

Manny rolls her eyes, goes back to applying some lipstick. Craig smiles over at her. It's nice having him next to her, and she'd been coming up with plans so that they'd spend the majority of the trip together. She enjoyed making plans. Last time, it was all so spontaneous, because of his other commitments to Ashley. It started to get on her nerves, but she considered it a small price to payWell, that wasn't a problem now, thinks Manny gleefully.

"So I'm thinking skating early tomorrow, skiing later that day, then curling up at night," says Manny. "How does that sound?"

"Good," replies Craig. "But...um..."

"Yeah?"

"I said I'd hang with Jimmy for a bit. He'll be in the lodge mostly, so I told him I'd jam with him some. That's why I brought my guitar."

"Oh, that's fine. How about we only do skating tomorrow morning, and you can jam with Jimmy in the afternoon?"

"Works for me."

"You work for me," says Manny, pulling Craig closer to her.

"This is a public space, guys," says Emma, peering at them from the other side of the aisle.

"Um, Sean's in the back if you're looking for someone to look at," says Manny, giving Emma a pointed look.

"No, she's right," says Craig, smiling at her. "We'll have plenty of time...to...you know."

Craig looks at the back himself, Many following his gaze. She smacks her lips. Ashley, of course.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather sit with her?" asks Manny.

"No," says Craig, strongly. "It's just...I didn't know Sean was coming on this trip."

"Oh," says Manny. "Well, he works for a shop in Toronto. It's doing really well. It's nice to know one of us have our futures set."

"That's nice to hear," says Emma, staring at her lap.

"Yeah, wish I was that lucky," agrees Craig.

"What are you talking about, Mr. Rock Star?" says Manny, grinning. "You'll have a record contract in no time, your name on marquees...

"So will you," says Craig. "Be bigger than Lindsay Lohan."

"Until then, stuck at the video store," sighs Manny.

Craig chuckles softly.

"What?" says Manny.

"Well...honestly, I can't picture you working there."

"Why not?"

"You like to be front and center. It's not exciting..."

"Things don't always have to be exciting for me. I'm learning a lot."

"Yeah, like new ways to fall asleep? Come on, Manny."

Manny crosses her ankles. True, it isn't exciting, but she enjoyed interacting with the customers, making recommendations to whoever asked. Working at the counter one day before the trip was fun. She told one little girl the newest Harry Potter was on DVD, and she got so excited. Small little things like that made her surprisingly happy.

"It's not selling cars, but it's...it's nice," says Manny. "You should come in."

"I know...I know. That wasn't me judging you. I just don't get it. But I'll come in, check it out, okay?" says Craig.

Manny rubs his shoulder. "Okay."

"Are we there yet?" yells Danny.

III.

As soon as the bus reaches its destination, everyone starts to get restless, peering out the windows at Red Rose Mountain Resort, Snake's choice for the excursion. Sean, though, stays back, leaning his head against his seat, trying to catch sight of Ellie. However, Ellie's obscured by several teenagers jumping up and down excitedly. He looks out too, at a spacious, ornate lodge with a field of snow surrounding it. Snow hangs on the trees, the bushes. In the distance, you could make out mountains, high, long hills, and skiers already in motion. Sean thinks he sees a snowboarder too.

A couple years ago, he would've never been able to afford this, living off student welfare, using the little money he had for food and other necessities. Ellie chipped in, but he wouldn't take that much. He wanted her to focus on school and her writing, the latter of which she had been neglecting while doing things around the apartment. But since learning more about cars and upgrades in Wasaga, he'd earned a decent amount, and the first job he interviewed for he got. His first paycheck went to rent for a small, decent apartment near school, an apartment that caused Jay to come over way too often.

"Everyone off!" exclaims Snake. "Remember to act civilized."

"Aaaah!" yells Danny and Derek, storming off the bus before everyone else.

"It's so nice," comments Ashley, standing up.

"Really good," agrees Sean.

The last to exit, Sean plops his feet down on the slush-filled street. His cellphone, his first, rings and he picks up.

"Yeah?" says Sean.

"Dude, you have no soap!" exclaims Jay, rushing water in the background.

"Jay...man, what are you doing there!" groans Sean.

"Oh, there is soap. Bed linen scent. Awww, Cameron, nice choice there."

"I said what are you..."

"Relax. The landlord Ray let me in. Thinks we're roomies."

Sean puts his hand to his head, strokes his forehead. Ray is pretty gullible, sweet, but gullible, thinks Sean. Jay had told him that the beer he was drinking in the stairwell was only to soothe his dehydration, and that was on a cold day in November. Something told him Ray didn't get out much.

"Don't eat all my food," says Sean.

"Oh, the two slices of pizza, chocolate milk, and Cheez-os. Yeah, I'm going to get so fat."

"There's an extra key in..."

"Found it. Under the bathroom mat. Almost dug into my foot."

"Fine. Whatever. We done?"

"Um...is Alex there?"

"Haven't seen her yet."

"Can you call me when you see her?"

Sean moans. "Jay...this is my vacation. After this, it'll be work, then school in January. If she wants to talk to you, then I'll call the apartment. But other than that...no."

"That's cool, man. I'm taking out a packet of soap, okay?"

"One bar."

"Maybe two bars. I'm pretty dirty."

"Two bars. What were you doing last night?"

"You don't want to know,"says Jay, laughing, clicking off.

Sean makes a gagging sound, shakes his head. He sees a fancy, black van pull up, watches the doors open. Hazel, Paige, and Alex climb out, as does Jimmy's father from the front seat and Paige's father. An automatic ramp comes down along with Jimmy in his chair.

"Hey, Sean!" greets Hazel, as Jimmy talks to his father.

"Hey," says Sean. "Nice ride."

"Eww, there's like black, smeary slush on my right ski boot!" wails Paige, shifting her feet.

Alex kicks some more onto her left boot. "There. Now the other one won't feel so lonely."

"Stop it!" says Paige. "My mom's favorite resort is so much cleaner."

"Quit your whining," says Alex, putting an arm around Paige. "We're going to have fun. See you on the slopes, Sean."

Alex and Paige walk off, Jimmy and Paige's fathers following them with some luggage.

"World's strangest duo," comments Hazel, grudgingly joining Paige and Alex.

"Jimmy," says Sean, nodding his head at Jimmy.

"Sean," says Jimmy, doing the same. "Seen Ellie yet?"

"Yeah," replies Sean. "She's seems good."

"She is," insists Jimmy. "A drama-free year for her actually."

"Good...that's what I want for her."

"Do you?" says Jimmy pointedly, then wheeling past him.

Sean glances down at the snow. Based on that, he wonders if Ellie's been badmouthing him to Marco, Jimmy, or worse, her mom. He knows he's partly to blame, but he'd made changes, good changes in his life. And why was Jimmy so interested in her life? It's not like they were close. Weird.

His cellphone rings. Ugh, Jay's number.

"What?" snaps Sean.

"Can I have those Cheez-os?" asks Jay.

IV.

Entering Red Rose is just as impressive, Manny gazing happily at the high ceiling with floral arrangements, red and white roses, set in the corners. She takes Craig's hand as they all advance to the front desk. Snake, dressed in a neon blue ski jacket and black pants, talks to the manager at the front desk. The manager hands him some brochures and Manny knows they're in for a speech. Emma smiles at Manny, rolls her eyes.

"Well, gang, welcome to Red Rose Mountain Ski Resort!" exclaims Snake.

Everyone claps, cheers. Danny makes an imaginary megaphone with his hands, shouts "Yes!"

"There's plenty to do," says Snake. "There are beginner, intermediate, advanced slopes. A ski lift, a walking tour, a gift shop, some activities in the lodge, including karaoke. You guys should definitely check that out. There's skis to rent on the mountain if you didn't bring them. Now for the rules..."

He's met by a chorus of groans.

"This is a school trip. You must be in your quarters by eleven. Mr. Armstrong, who'll be here shortly, and I will be checking.Try not to wander off alone. Keep your key on you at all times. Under no circumstances are you to touch the mini-bars in your rooms, and if you do find a way in, you're paying for what you consume. Steer clear of the staff quarters..."

Snake continues, some listening politely, others ignoring him.

"I heard there's a hot tub in the staff area," whispers Derek to Danny. "Very sweet if we could find that."

"And invite a couple hot mammies," whispers Danny, bumping fists with him.

"You guys are sickening," says Manny.

"So that should be it," says Snake. "The man behind the desk will call out room numbers, and you're all assigned one roommate. Boys and girls separately, of course. And Nate's getting my labtop so I can print out a duplicate copy and post it on the message board, so let me go check on that..."

Snake leaves the front desk, lets the man behind the desk take over.

"His precious labtop," says Emma, dropping on the couch.

"I think it's cute," says Manny, sitting next to her.

Other settle down on couches.

"Bathroom," says Craig. "I wonder if it smells like pine."

Emma and Manny laugh, wait for their names to be called.

"Ellie Nash, Hazel Aden," says the man, holding out a pair of keys.

Manny notices Ellie's less than pleased with that result. She can't help but smile at the idea of Ellie spending three days in a room with Hazel. Darcy and Chante are paired, as are Danny and Derek, Spinner and Nate, Paige and Alex, Ashley and Heather, Craig and Marco.

"Emma Nelson and Clara Michaels," reads the man.

"Hey, I thought we were going to be together," whispers Emma, ribbing Manny. "I thought your mom was going to ask Snake."

"So did I," says Manny, her brow furrowing.

"Jimmy Brooks and Sean Cameron," says the man.

Manny glances over at Sean, who rolls his eyes. Jimmy folds his arms.

"And lastly, Toby Isaacs and Manuel Santos," says the man, starting to lay out the keys.

"Manuel?" says Manny, rising from the couch. "Um, excuse me."

The room is full of chatter, people clamoring for keys. It's a while before Manny can actually look the man directly in the eye. She looks over at Toby, who appears dumbfounded.

"Excuse me, but as you can see, I'm a girl," says Manny, noticing that his name is Warren.

"Yes, miss," says Warren.

"So I'm not a Manuel," says Manny. "It's Manuella. You got it wrong."

"We're sorry for the inconvenience, miss. We'll check," says Warren.

Warren looks it up on the computer, makes a few "hmmm"s. Manny shrugs at Emma, who bites her lip.

"Yeah, one of the boys at your school had to cancel," says Warren. "Linus Archer. Mr. Simpson said that there were an even number of boys and girls. So I assume you were inserted instead. The problem is Ms. Santos is that presently we have no other rooms. It's very crowded this time of year with the holidays, you understand?"

"I understand, but...but you can't fix it?" stammers Manny. "Emma, where's Snake?"

"He's outside with Nate," says Emma, joining her at the desk. "Nate fell on some ice, and they took him to the nurse. Derek just told me."

Toby comes up to the front desk, Clara and Darcy next to him.

"Is there anything I can do?" says Toby.

"No...no, there isn't," says Manny. "Warren here told me there's no other rooms."

"It'd only be for one night," says Warren. "You have our sincerest apologies."

"You can bunk with us," offers Darcy.

"Chante harassed me after the whole boobs thing," says Manny. "No, alright? But that's nice of you to offer."

"You can room with me, then," says Emma. "Clara?"

Clara glances down, and Manny's definitely picking up that she doesn't want her in there.

"No...no," says Manny, watching Clara's face perk up.

"Well, it's Toby," soothes Emma. "I mean, he's like a Boy Scout. No offense, Toby."

"Actually, the Boy Scouts are a Christian organization," informs Darcy. "Mom told me."

"Alright, a Jewish Boy Scout," shrugs Emma. "Point is he won't try anything. And Snake may not be able to help you tonight."

"I won't even look at you," says Toby.

"What'll Craig say?" complains Manny. "Where is he?"

Craig shakes off his hands, obviously having finished watching them. He strolls up to them, grins.

"So what's your room number so I can visit?" asks Craig.

"I'm with Toby," says Manny. "Because Warren here screwed up."

"Oh," says Craig, chuckling.

"Oh?" says Manny. "Um, you have no opinion on this?"

"It's...Toby, Manny," replies Craig, smiling. "It's not a big deal. He's a nice guy."

Manny sighs, rests her head on the front of the desk.

"Good night, Manuel!" yells Danny, dragging his luggage up the stairs.

"Manuel?" says Craig, looking quizzically at Manny.

"Long story," says Manny. "Very long story."


	9. Amazing

**IX. Amazing **

You took a pretty picture  
And you smashed it into bits  
Sank me into blackness  
And you sealed it with a kiss

If only I could let you go  
Why do I need you so

It's amazing what a boy can do  
I cannot stop myself  
Wish I didn't want you like I do  
Want you and no one else

You took a poison arrow  
And you aimed it at my heart  
It's heavy and it's bitter  
And it's tearing me apart

If only I could set you free  
You worked your way inside of me

It's amazing what a boy can do  
I cannot stop myself  
Wish I didn't want you like I do  
Want you and no one else

It's amazing what a boy can say  
I cannot stop myself  
Seems I love you more than yesterday  
Love you and no one else

Oh, it's amazing

It's amazing what a boy can do  
I cannot stop myself  
Wish I didn't want you like I do  
Want you and no one else

It's amazing what a boy can say  
I cannot stop myself  
Seems I love you more than yesterday  
Love you and no one else  
It's amazing  
Oh, it's amazing

I cannot stop myself  
Wish I didn't want you like I do  
Love you and no one else

They ascend the long staircase ten minutes later, all of them heaving when they reach the hallway where their rooms were located. Toby and Clara trail Emma and Manny, who didn't have skis weighing them down. It's a great place, Toby has to admit, but that didn't make it any less difficult to carry luggage around. He thought he saw Mr. Michalchuck pay four different bellhops to lug Paige, Ashley, Hazel, Alex, and Jimmy's suitcases to the other side of the building. Some teenagers have all the luck.

"Here it is," says Emma, grasping the doorknob of one room. "Room four."

"And we're room five," says Manny, glancing at the room next door.

"What time is it?" asks Emma.

Clara glances at her watch. "Nine-thirty."

"That bus ride must've taken forever," says Emma. "I'm tired."

"Me too," says Manny, opening the door to room five.

"You should get Toby to tuck you in," teases Emma.

"Em...don't play with me, alright?" replies Manny, shooting her a cold look. "I'm not in the mood.You still going skating with us tomorrow?"

"Yep, at ten-thirty," says Emma. "Night, Manuel."

Manny air-kicks Emma, goes into the room. Toby looks at Clara awkwardly, though he sees she's visibly nervous.

"What's wrong?" asks Toby.

"I shouldn't...shouldn't say anything. I mean, I'm not your girlfriend," says Clara, softly.

Toby blushes, avoids her gaze. Was she jealous? How weird, but a little nice.

"You have absolutely nothing to worry about," says Toby. "Like one hundred percent nothing. We've been friends for five years, and she's not...not single. And...this is a strange conversation...so I should shut up right now..."

"Yeah...yeah, it is. I'm sorry," says Clara. "How 'bout I make it up to you? That skating thing...sounded really good. You want to?"

"Okay, at eleven?" replies Toby.

"Eleven," says Clara. "Goodnight...just not too good a night."

Toby smiles, waits for Clara to close the door behind her, before going into room five. When Warren announced this arrangement, he couldn't breathe, talk, think, was lucky to even stand. Of course, what guy in his right mind wouldn't want to room with Manny Santos? Still, how was this ever going to work? Okay, thinks Toby. No looking, no stupid comments, no thinking too long or hard about her. They'd spent time alone together, right? There was Rick's funeral, a couple times when J.T. or Emma left the room, and yes, definitely in the video store. But she wasn't in pajamas, thinks Toby, rubbing his eyes.

"Oooh, breath mints!" cries out Manny.

He closes his eyes, enters, shuts the door behind him. He peeks in one direction, immediately goes to the bed and sits. He's sure Manny's watching him curiously, but he did promise.

"Okay, when you said that you wouldn't look at me, I didn't take that literally," says Manny, unzipping her suitcase.

"Yeah, I know," says Toby, focusing his eyes on a wall. "The lights in here are just...really bright."

"Whatever," says Manny.

A couple minutes of silence pass, Toby still gazing at the wall, Manny unpacking behind him. He swallows a lump in his throat, finds the nerve to finally look at the entire room. It's great. True to its theme, there were vases of red roses on the fireplace mantle, on the nightstands next to their beds, on a table. Soft, red blankets covered each of their beds. The curtains were white, and from his bed, he could see a nice view of the snow-capped mountains. A cabinet held a modest-sized TV, and next to that was a microwave, and the mini-bar underneath.

"Very classy," says Manny, holding up a mint. "And room...a little Pretty Woman, right?"

Toby nods, bites his lip.

"Chill out, Toby," says Manny, smiling at him. "Look, if we talked about this right from the get-go, would you relax?"

"Maybe," answers Toby, now staring at her.

"Well, I know how guys are, so you probably won't be in the bathroom long. You can use it first."

"Thanks. Yeah, I don't take too long."

Manny grins. "Craig's such an exception to that rule. I think it's cause of the curls or something."

Toby smiles, feels himself sweating less.

"I'll get dressed in the bathroom. I do use a hair dryer. Sorry if you find that annoying..."

"No, it's okay."

"Do you have anything like that? Hair dryer? Razor?"

"Um, an electric toothbrush."

Manny giggles, starts unlacing her sneakers. "I bet you're really low-maintenance."

"A little," says Toby, not sure if that's an insult or not.

"It's nice," assures Manny. "One attribute I'm sure Clara finds attractive."

Toby grins, shyly looks down. "Hopefully."

Manny takes out a pink toothbrush, towel, and shower caddy. Toby chuckles.

"I like pink," says Manny, sheepishly.

"At least it all matches," says Toby.

Manny beams. "That's what I told Emma when I packed it."

"You can go first," says Toby. "I'll go first in the morning."

"Fine," says Manny.

Manny disappears into the bathroom, and not long after, he can hear the water running. Toby lays back on his bed, stares at the ceiling. Maybe it won't be so weird, he thinks. No one else thought it was weird. Then again, it sort of annoyed him to be the nice guy all the time. Sure, he wouldn't try anything, but being the nice guy with Kendra last time got his heart broken. With Clara, he liked her, liked her a lot. However, questions start to creep into his mind. Did he only like her because she liked him? Or because she was pretty and enjoyed the same things as him? Call him crazy, but didn't it have to be more than that? Something along the lines of not being able to wait to see her everyday, or finding some feelings that moved past shyness and attraction? The first time he saw Kendra, he was speechless, and the feelings grew more than he thought possible. Clara, something seems to be at a standstill. Why the stop sign?

"Yay for being clean," says Manny, coming out of the bathroom ten minutes later in a robe, drying her hair.

Her robe is very pretty, nicely frames her body, silk and light blue. Toby looks away. Some virtuous Boy Scout I am, thinks Toby.

"You going to sleep in your clothes?" asks Manny.

"No...no," stammers Toby, hunching down, retrieving his pajamas, towel, and a toothbrush.

Manny giggles. "Toby, seriously, this doesn't have to be weird. We're friends."

"I know," says Toby. "It won't be weird. It's only one night."

"Right! One night."

Toby nods, tries to hide his pajamas. Manny grins, and he's sure she's seen them.

"Awww, those are cute," says Manny. "Checkered? I pictured you as the checkered pajamas type."

"You...you pictured me?" whispers Toby, blushing.

Manny sits down on her bed, opens a magazine while drying her hair.

"I wanted to be a fashion designer before the acting thing, Toby. I can determine an appropriate style for someone like that," says Manny, snapping her fingers.

"Oh," says Toby, then realizing he sounds disappointed. "Oh, yeah! I knew that."

Not sure what to say next, he stares at her. Manny reads for a few seconds, glances up, gives Toby a confused look.

"What?" says Manny.

"Um...I like your hair," says Toby, thinking it was best to give her a compliment in return.

"It's stringy and wet," says Manny, laughing. "It's gross. I don't like hand drying it."

"I still like it," says Toby. "Sorry. So yeah, going to change."

Toby walks briskly to the bathroom, closes it, lays his head against the door. Real smooth, he thinks. Now she's going to think I'm more pathetic than ever. He undresses, turns on the shower, thankful that he doesn't have to speak. He stays in for a little over seven minutes, slips on the checkered pajamas, brushes his teeth, and peers out the bathroom. Manny's head rests against a pillow, and she lays down the magazine.

"You can come in, Toby," she says, obviously having seen him through the slit in the door.

"Sorry," says Toby, climbing into his bed.

"Stop saying sorry," says Manny, grinning. "You're acting weird."

Toby shrugs, not sure what to say to that. He expected her to say as much after all this odd interaction.

"It's a good type of weird, though," adds Manny, turning off her light. "Night."

She turns her head to the side. Making sure her eyes are closed, Toby smiles, turns off the other light.

II.

"Cold," mutters Craig.

Marco sighs, puts a pillow over his face. "Shut up, Craig."

"You aren't?" says Craig.

"Cold, no. Annoyed, yes," replies Marco. "Go to bed."

Craig blows out a deep breath. He knows he's been moody all day, doing his best cheerful expression with Manny and Emma, but he got sick of doing an act. As soon as he and Marco stepped into their room, he got sour again, thinking of Ashley in the back of the bus, seated next to Sean. Were they together? It wouldn't be the first time Ashley hid something from him.

"It's so cold!" exclaims Craig, wrapping his arms around him.

Marco tosses his pillow at Craig's head.

"Hey!" shouts Craig.

"You're lucky I didn't throw my sheets and blanket too!" shouts Marco. "You're obviously ticked about something. Go somewhere."

"You're right," says Craig, softly. "You're right. Where should I go?"

"How should I know?" says Marco. "Go to the gift shop and buy some earmuffs."

"Hmm, well, I don't have any," says Craig, standing.

He zips up his jacket, ties his shoes, grabs the key, and heads down the hall. He sees Hazel filing her nails in the hall.

"Hey, Hazel," says Craig.

"Hey," replies Hazel.

"You're not in bed yet?"

"Um, yeah. Ellie and I had a little spat...the first of many, I'm thinking," says Hazel, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, well, good luck."

"Thanks."

Craig shrugs, wondering what could cause Ellie and Hazel to fight on the first day. He goes down the stairs, sees that the gift shop is indeed open. He bumps into Spinner at the very front of the store. Spinner holds a porcelain figure of a blonde girl praying.

"Uh, it's for Darcy," explains Spinner. "Precious Moments. She loves these things."

"Uh-huh," says Craig, not looking him in the eye.

"Oh, I see," says Spinner, noticing Craig's reaction. "The Jimmy thing."

Spinner looks down.

"Spin...," begins Craig.

"No, it's alright. I get it," says Spinner. "Well, at least Ash said hi to me."

Craig raises his eyebrows. "Ashley's here?"

Spinner nods, points to the clothing section, where Ashley has a few things in her hands. Craig's face falls.

"Oh no," he says to himself.

"Hmm, so there's like still tension between you guys," observes Spinner. "Dude, forgiveness is pretty cool. Friendship Club taught me that. It's hard to forgive yourself, which I guess is what Ash is doing now, huh? But you can forgive her too, right?"

"Yeah," says Craig, darting his eyes. "Maybe."

"Well, I'm going to go pay," says Spinner. "See ya around, eh?"

"Yeah," replies Craig, giving him a genuine smile. "See ya, Spin."

Ashley moves some clothes along a rack, hair falling into her face, which she pushes back. It reminds him of the day at the mall, when she bought all those clothes and he paid for them. He definitely didn't want her blowing any more cash, especially if it was related to him. Why did he ignore her before they boarded the bus? He walks to her, her head still lowered.

"Step away from the merchandise," he says.

Ashley grins, raises her head. "What?"

"Put it back."

"It's just a couple parkas, some scarves..."

"No more," says Craig, starting to hang the clothes back on the rack. "We'll sit down, not talk or talk, whatever. Only no more clothes."

He's surprised Ashley lets him hang them all back, offering him a weak smile. He guides Ashley out of the store, into the main lobby where a fire is roaring. They find a couch, and sit. Neither one of them says anything for awhile, until Ashley turns to face him.

"I don't even want it anymore," she confesses tearfully. "I used to want these things. And now, I just get them to have them."

Craig stays quiet, puts an arm around her.

"I hate looking at myself in the mirror," says Ashley, a couple tears falling to her chin. "I mean, when did that happen?"

Craig strokes her back. Ashley sniffles.

"And here I am, crying in front of you," she continues. "It's dumb."

"It's not dumb," counters Craig. "You can stop all of this."

Ashley rises from the couch, stares at the fireplace, her back to him.

"I've been doing it for months, Craig," says Ashley. "It's not easy to stop."

"Yes...yes, it is," argues Craig, going over next to her.

"How?" says Ashley. "How could I possibly..."

"You tell me...you tell me that you're sorry instead of running," interrupts Craig, placing his hand on her cheek. "You tell me that you didn't mean it."

Ashley smiles sadly, hugs him. Craig can feel his heartbeat race a mile a minute. He hasn't held her in such a long time, so long ago that doesn't seem real at all. Pulling away, she lays her forehead against his.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, and I am sorry," she whispers. "I'm so sorry."

Craig sighs happily, gently puts a hand on her neck, tries to press his lips to hers. Ashley inches back, causing Craig to nearly stumble over the outstretched arm of a chair nearby.

"Craig!" whispers Ashley, urgently.

"What is it?" says Craig, looking around, hoping no one caught Ashley's rejection.

Thankfully, most people were still upstairs, either already asleep or unpacking.

"This can't happen," says Ashley, walking past him, starting up the staircase.

Craig follows her. "Why can't this happen?"

"You know why," says Ashley, nervously grabbing the banister.

"No. Is it Sean?" says Craig, halting her from going up any further.

"Um, no," replies Ashley. "Look, go back to your room. I don't want to get you in any more trouble."

"Trouble?"

Ashley jogs up the stairs, Craig doing the same. She takes her key from her jeans pocket, is about to unlock it, but Heather opens the door suddenly, a green facial mask on her face, and huge curlers in her hair.

"Aaah!" cries out Craig. "What the...?"

"Got something to say, Craig?" asks Heather.

"Uhhh...no. Nice mask."

Ashley smirks, shakes her head.

"It's almost eleven!" whispers Heather urgently. "I'm not getting in trouble because of you, Kerwin."

Heather yanks Ashley's arm, Ashley throwing Craig an apologetic look. Craig opens his mouth to speak, but Heather speaks before him.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" says Heather, slamming the door in his face.

Craig runs a hand through his hair. Manny. That's why Ashley didn't want him to get in trouble. So was Sean even a factor? I can't deal with this tonight, thinks Craig, walking slowly to his room.

Marco has his eyes closed, as Craig pulls off his jacket, pants, boots. He hits the lights, climbs into bed.

"You saw Ashley, didn't you?" says Marco in the darkness. "And it went well."

"You're awake," says Craig. "And...um, yeah. How'd you..."

"You weren't complaining."

III.

Manny sticks a fork into another blueberry pancake, cuts a sizeable piece, and puts it in her mouth. She wipes her mouth, then cuts some more. Emma comes up to her in the dining hall, a long, multi-colored scarf hanging from her neck to her waist.

"Em, you really got to stop with the rainbow wear," advises Manny, pulling out a chair for her.

Emma collapses in the chair. "Clara yawns."

"Aww, poor you," says Manny, after taking a gulp of orange juice.

"And she goes on and on about computers. She's like Snake's long-lost daughter or something. Tell me things went awful with Toby," moans Emma.

"Things went awful with Toby," replies Manny, dicing up some ham.

"You liar," says Emma. "What's with all this food?"

"Well, unlike you, I'm learning the benefits of having a male roomie. Warren sent over this apology breakfast. It's so good."

Manny looks up, waves at Warren, who smiles and waves back.

"Want some?" offers Manny playfully, putting a piece of ham in Emma's face.

"Don't make me hurt you," says Emma, shoving it away.

"The waiter called me Miss Santos," says Manny, doing a little shimmy.

"Stop dancing," says Emma, making her stop.

"I could get him to call you Miss Nelson."

"Rather than ravine queen, skank, slut..."

"Em, come on. People who call you that are.."

"Let's not talk about it anymore ."

Manny pats Emma on the back, decides to go back to discussing roommates.

"But seriously, things with Toby went okay. He was all sorts of nervous, but by the end, not a problem."

"How'd you escape Armstrong's bedroom check?"

"Toby ducked in the bathroom around eleven-thirty. It was cute actually. All things must come to an end, however. Honeymoon's over when I talk to Snake today."

Emma shrugs. "Maybe I can switch rooms too."

"Maybe."

"Manny...what do you think of Spinner?" says Emma, nodding her head in another direction.

Manny peers up, sees Spinner, nearly chokes on her ham.

"No, Em!" whispers Manny.

"I mean, as a friend," says Emma. "He's got ideals this year. It's nice. He's the one boy that doesn't look at me like I'm dirty."

Spinner and Darcy approach their table, although Manny notices that Spinner looks very excited, and Darcy appears more apprehensive.

"Emma, the person I've been looking for," says Spinner.

"It's so early," complains Darcy, more to herself than to anyone in particular.

"Yeah, but wake up early, and you get the good pancakes," informs Manny, smiling at Emma.

Emma rolls her eyes. "What's up?"

"Dude, there's a Mountie Museum up here," says Spinner, giddily. "So cool. Me and Darce are going. It's a ten minute walk."

"Um, okay," says Emma, a puzzled expression on her face.

"They've got nature stuff too," adds Spinner. "You wanna come?"

"Spinner!" exclaims Darcy, pushing him.

"Hey, remember the Friendship Club rules. Fellowship pleases the Lord."

"Yeah, but..." starts Darcy, then smiling slightly at Emma.

"So Emma can come fellowship with us," says Spinner. "They've got exotic birds."

A small smile escapes Emma's lips. "Why not?"

"Emma, you were going to go skating with me and Craig!" whispers Manny, as Emma stands.

"Great!" says Spinner. "We'll be outside."

Darcy crosses her arms, follows Spinner out in a huff.

"Emma, don't you dare...," starts Manny, pulling her back.

"I like nature, I like birds, I'm going," says Emma, wiggling out of Manny's grasp. "I could use more friends right now. Enjoy your pancakes."

"Fine," says Manny, sighing.

Emma walks over to them, Darcy protectively taking Spinner's hand.

"More ham, Miss Santos?" asks a waiter, walking up to her with a pot of coffee.

"No thanks," says Manny. "What time is it please?"

"Nearly ten-thirty," replies the waiter.

"Oh!" says Manny, immediately getting up. "Skating time. Craig's probably already there."

"Well, I hope you have a good time, Miss Santos."

"Me too."

Manny grabs her ice skates, starts for the pond. She isn't sure what to make of Emma joining Spinner and Darcy, but she can understand that desire to reach out to someone new, someone who saw you in a new, better light.

IV.

The snow crunches under his boots, his breath circling in the air as he gets closer to the pond. Skates are in his hand, but honestly, he doesn't want to put them on. Manny is already circling the ice, smile on her face, graceful movements. When he saw her two years ago, Craig was enraptured. She was, still is, stunningly gorgeous, but so much has happened since then. Going back and forth between Ashley and Manny was a mistake, a mistake he admitted to both girls the next year. What he should admit now is that it still feels like a mistake, to keep going back to her, make her have faith when it's running out for him.

He hears small footsteps behind him.

"Not the same, is it?" asks Ellie, her own breath whirling in the air.

Craig glances down, then back up at Manny. "No."

"It's hard to keep in all these feelings," says Ellie. "When you don't want to hurt someone."

Craig shakes his head. "I'm such a jerk."

"You're not the only one," says Ellie.

He stares suspiciously at Ellie, who won't stare back.

"That song...," says Ellie. "That song wasn't about you and Ash, Craig."

"What? Who...who was it about then?" says Craig.

"Crushes don't end with weddings, Craig," whispers Ellie. "I wish they did."

Craig drops his skates, mouth hanging open. The lyrics that didn't fit Ashley? So blind, he thinks. He thought Ellie would be upset, but eventually move on after that whole wedding disaster. Apparently not.

"Ellie...," begins Craig.

"I don't want to hurt Ashley," interrupts Ellie. "Ruin our last year. She found out about the song. Didn't take it well."

"I kinda showed it to her," admits Craig, cold wind blowing on his face.

"Craig!"

"I didn't know, okay?"

Ellie massages her forehead. "So what are you going to do?"

"Have no idea," says Craig. "Can't face Manny now. I almost kissed Ashley last night..and...oh, sorry."

Ellie smiles. "No, it's fine. Don't mean to burst your ego, but a girl can get over you. And Manny will too. You almost kissed Ash last night, and that's big. You do need to talk to Manny."

"Later today," promises Craig.

She hugs Craig, starts down towards the ski lift.

"Hey, El!" yells Craig.

"What?" shouts Ellie.

"Your song...it's still amazing."

Ellie grins, does a little bow. Craig laughs, heads to the cabin to return the skates.

V.

Toby lays down a ten, with the man behind the counter fetching him a nice pair of skates. He thanks him, heads to the pond. On the way, he sees Craig heading up towards the lodge, shrugs, then sits on a bench closest to the cabin, lacing his skates.

"Toby!" shouts a familiar voice behind him.

Danny walks up to him, in a green ski jacket and matching pants.

"Hey," says Toby.

"Clara's barfing," shares Danny. "Like bad."

"Is..is she okay?" asks Toby, standing, one skate on. "She had a stomachache yesterday."

"No, she's barfing," laughs Danny. "Anyway, she can't come. Told me to give you this."

He hands Toby a note, then runs back over to Sully, showing off his new snowboard to Danny.

About to open the note, he spies a head of dark hair out of the corner of his eye. Manny checks her watch, sitting on a bench. Her face holds an uncharacteristic frown. He doesn't think he's seen her that depressed before. He pockets Clara's note, skates to Manny, sits on the same bench.

"You're not sad because we're not going to be roommates anymore?" jokes Toby.

Manny lets out a small laugh. "No...no, not that."

"You don't want to talk about it," says Toby, reading her face.

"No," says Manny, brushing back her hair.

"Want to skate?"

"I don't know."

"Want to watch me skate around like a fool?" offers Toby.

"Is it as bad as your modeling?" inquires Manny, giggling.

"Yeah," says Toby. "Watch."

Toby stands, does a couple laps around the ice, then halts in front of Manny, waiting for her review.

"Your form's pretty bad," says Manny, laughing. "Speed's decent."

"I'm better than J.T.," defends Toby. "You can show me some stuff."

"Everyone's better than J.T.," says Manny, getting up. "Come on. Be prepared to be impressed."

Manny gets on the pond, takes Toby's hand, and leads him to the center. He nearly falls into her, but finds his footing. She does a figure eight, and Toby claps.

"Try it," says Manny.

Toby follows suit, ends with his arms outstretched.

"Quick learner," compliments Manny. "Remember to hold your head higher."

Toby does it again, his head upright.

"Bravo, Toby!" says Manny. "Take my hand. I'll teach you some spins."

He leans forward a bit, almost falls.

"Whoa!" cautions Manny, holding him up, her nose nearly touching his.

Toby swallows a lump in his throat, backs up a bit.. "Thanks."

"Yeah...yeah, anytime," says Manny, smiling. "Still better than J.T."

"I'm a pretty poor partner," says Toby.

"You're the best one right now," says Manny, taking his hand. "Don't give up on me, Toby. Come on."

Toby's heart begins to thump, and he waits for Manny to take her hand away as they go from corner to corner, with each passing minute. She doesn't.


	10. Lucky Star

**X. Lucky Star**

_You must be my lucky star  
'Cause you shine on me wherever you are  
I just think of you and I start to glow  
And I need your light  
And baby you know _

Starlight starbright  
First star I see tonight  
Starlight starbright  
Make everything all right  
Starlight starbright  
First star I see tonight  
Starlight starbright  
Yeah

You must be my lucky star  
'Cause you make the darkness seem so far  
And when I'm lost you'll be my guide  
I just turn around and you're by my side

Starlight starbright  
First star I see tonight  
Starlight starbright  
Make everything all right  
Starlight starbright  
First star I see tonight  
Starlight starbright  
Yeah

Come on, shine your heavenly body tonight  
'Cause I know you're gonna make everything all right  
Hmm come on, shine your heavenly body tonight  
'Cause I know you're gonna make everything all right

You may be my lucky star  
But I'm the luckiest by far  
You may be my lucky star  
But I'm the luckiest by far

Starlight starbright  
First star I see tonight  
Starlight starbrightMake everything all right  
Starlight starbright  
First star I see tonight  
Starlight starbright  
Yeah

Come on, shine your heavenly body tonight  
'Cause I know you're gonna make everything all right  
Hmm come on, shine your heavenly body tonight  
'Cause I know you're gonna make everything all right

(You may be my lucky star)  
(But I'm the luckiest by far)  
(You may be my lucky star)  
(But I'm the luckiest by far)  
(You may be my lucky star)  
(But I'm the luckiest by far)  
You may be my lucky star  
What you do to me baby  
(You may be my lucky star)  
(But I'm the luckiest by far)  
You know  
I'm the luckiest by far

Starlight starbright  
First star I see tonight  
Starlight starbright  
Make everything all right  
Starlight starbright  
First star I see tonight  
Starlight starbright

Starlight starbright  
You make everything all right  
What you do to me baby  
You got to stay by my side tonight

**I'm Kissing You is the property of Des'ree.**

**Heartbreaker is the property of Mariah Carey.**

"I can't get over the pom-pom," says Marco, chuckling, flipping up his hoodie.

He tugs a little on Ellie's black wool hat, with Ellie pushing his hand away.

"Mom insisted I dress warm, okay?" defends Ellie. "At least it's black."

She fixes her hat, stares down the hill at Craig making his way back to the lodge. He's more heavy-footed, probably all his thoughts centered on Manny and Ashley, two girls that went in and out of his life. Her mind tells her that it will remain that way, that there's really no room for her...at least romantically. Leaving him, she had no plans, but ended up at the top of the beginner's slope with Marco, Paige, Alex, and Hazel. They all wore ski jackets, goggles, skis, and gloves, except her. Paige adjusts Alex's fancy pack ,while Hazel looks on with a frown. Marco and Ellie stand to the side.

"Saw you chatting with Craig from up here," informs Marco. "What's that about?"

"Realizing it's not going to work out," says Ellie. "Him almost kissing Ashley last night, about to dump Manny. Too much for me."

"Whoa, he almost kissed Ash last night?" says Marco. "He works fast. Poor Manny. Unrequited love...very annoying."

"Meanwhile, I have no romance in my future," sighs Ellie.

"So not true," argues Marco, winking at her. "In fact, I'm certain that someone can't seem to stop talking about you."

Ellie grins, tries to hide it. "What?"

Well, Sean had been trying to reconnect with her, and she liked the idea, actually was thrilled with the idea. Glancing at the blanket of snow covering the mountain, she wonders if maybe they can blanket the past. She understands that he had to get away because of the shooting, is happy that he missed her. Couldn't she put her pride aside for a minute and talk with him more?

"Oh," says Ellie, giving Marco a knowing smile.

"Yep," says Marco. "So I take it you weren't too surprised about the fight last night?"

"Huh?"

"With Haze. Jimmy, El?"

"What?"

Marco takes off his goggles, playfully holds them up to her eyes. "You can't see it?"

"See what?" says Ellie, lowering the goggles.

"Wow. Jimmy's sprung on you, always bugging me about you."

"Hazel and I argued about drawers last night, Marco. She wanted an extra one, which I needed. Said no and she stormed out. No Jimmy in the equation."

"Please. It wasn't about the drawer. Pleasant little Hazel doesn't get miffed about drawers. She gets miffed because her boyfriend's attention is focused on a pretty, romantically clueless red-head."

"No!" gasps Ellie.

"Yes!" gasps Marco, tugging at her pom-pom again.

"When did I become the girl who got caught up in all these romantic entanglements?" complains Ellie, glancing at Hazel over her shoulder.

"Hmm, maybe if you were still crushing on me, you wouldn't have this problem," says Marco, heading towards Paige, Alex, and Hazel.

"You wish, Del Rossi," says Ellie, laughing.

"You wrote me little love notes, made out with me," reminds Marco. "Back when you thought I was sexy."

"Who's sexy?" asks Alex, stumbling a bit as she awkwardly moves on her skis.

"Not you with that fanny pack," replies Marco.

Alex sticks out her tongue at Marco.

"It's standard ski wear," says Paige. "You'll regret not having one when we're skiing, Marco."

"No, I won't," whispers Marco to Ellie.

"This slope does not look beginner to me," says Alex. "I'm going to die...in some swanky resort...in a neon green fanny pack."

"You'll be fine, hon," says Paige. "I taught Hazel how to ski, and she's ready for intermediate. You'll be skiing with me on the advanced hill in no time."

"Um...how come we never hit the advanced?" asks Hazel, folding her arms.

"You said it was too big when we went to Mom's resort," says Paige.

"It _was_ the biggest hill in creation," says Hazel. "The advanced here isn't that bad."

"Looks bad to me," says Alex, staring nervously at the advanced slope in the distance. "What's bigger than that?"

"Craig's libido," answers Paige.

They all laugh, even Ellie, though she feels guilty about it. Paige, Alex, and Hazel take their places, poles in the snow, helmets on, hunching their knees. Alex screams as they take off, Ellie and Marco exchanging a worried look.

"She'll be fine," says Marco, gulping.

"Um...yeah," replies Ellie. "Have fun."

"Not going?"

"I'm a chicken."

"I could teach you," offers Marco.

"No, just get in your skiing zoney zone," says Ellie.

Marco shrugs, clamps his ski boots to his skis, heads down the slope.

Surprisingly, it doesn't take long to reach the lodge again despite the snowy passageways. She passes the front desk, spies Jimmy playing bass with Craig next to him on guitar. Great, thinks Ellie. The guy I'm trying to get over, and the guy that's interested.

"Ellie!" calls out Jimmy.

Ellie timidly waves.

"Got your sticks?" says Jimmy. "We'd sound better with some percussion."

"Newspaper!" shouts Ellie, heading for her room. "Maybe another time."

Jimmy smiles widely, nods. She runs up the stairs quickly, opens the door to her room, takes out her laptop. Situating herself at a table while the computer warms up, she pulls her hair into a ponytail. She clicks on one icon absent-mindedly, not looking at the file name, and is surprised to see her photo album pop up. She used to take photos all the time, now not so much. There was one with her and the Squatch before the wedding gig, one of her arms around Marco, the other around Craig; one of Craig, her, and a couple other male teenagers from group; Craig and her doing the peace sign while sitting at the Dot. Marco is right. Unrequited love stinks. Now, she was the one who couldn't return Jimmy's affections. That plan to have the perfect year with the perfect boyfriend, well, scratch that.

She hears a tap on her door, goes to open it. Sean stands at the other end of the door, a nervous smile on his face.

"Hey," says Sean. "Nice hat."

"Hey," replies Ellie, turning red, taking off her hat.

"Jimmy knew Hazel's room number, so I'm here. I'm not stalking you or anything."

Ellie laughs. "Yeah, I get it."

Sean clears his throat. "Um...you wanna hang out?"

Ellie stares at the floor. She wanted to, but she doubts she'd be good company, and why drag Sean down?

"Got to work on the paper," says Ellie. "We're doing that special pageant edition."

"Oh...I figured...yeah," stammers Sean. "Sorry I was a lousy quote giver. Wait, that's not the right word, is it?"

"Source," corrects Ellie. "And you weren't lousy."

"I'll let you get back then," says Sean. "It's just as well. I heard it's karaoke night downstairs, so yeah, best to stay in."

Ellie giggles. "Mmm, yeah. I belt from bad belting."

Sean nods, starts down the hall. Ellie stands in the doorframe, thinking back to her thoughts on the beginner's slope. How appropriate to stand there and think about him, about a possible new beginning. And if she wanted it as much as she thought she did, she couldn't be chicken now, had to actually move.

"Sean!" she calls after him.

Sean turns around, eyebrows raised.

"Tomorrow morning...we'll hang," says Ellie. "Meet me in the lobby."

Sean grins. "Okay."

Ellie closes her door, smiles.

II.

The moon starts to peek through the clouds, and the stars take their time coming out. Manny finishes tying her skates together, black boots now on her feet. Toby opens the door for her, still talking about their encounter with Armstrong last night.

"And he bought it," says Toby, shaking his head.

"What was your name again?" laughs Manny. "Tonya?"

"Yeah," says Toby. "Who takes forever in the bathroom, and has a deep voice. J.T. can do a girly voice much better than me."

"I'm guessing he didn't have Snake's list," says Manny. "And Snake's been mysteriously absent. If I didn't know any better I'd say he's having a scandalous affair with someone on the sly."

Toby smirks. "Nah."

"Yeah, Kwan or Sauve, or Hatzilakos," teases Manny.

"Hatzilakos?" says Toby.

"Ewww," they both say at the same time, laughing.

They sit on a couch, staring at passers-by, and an employee setting up a microphone and a couple speakers. Peter is arguing with a bellhop, which Manny guesses is over a tip.

"I hate that guy," says Manny.

"Yeah, he's scum," agrees Toby.

Though Peter got under her skin something awful, the truly horrible feeling coursing through her body wasn't the result of him, but someone else. He didn't call. He didn't leave a message, which she checked on sometime around two after eating lunch with Toby. He didn't care.

"But the strange part is that right now, I hate Craig ten times more," admits Manny.

Toby clasps his hands together, offers her a small smile.

"It's so awesome to get stood up," says Manny dryly.

"Well, he missed out on a first-rate skating lesson," says Toby.

Manny smiles warmly at Toby, takes out her cellphone.

"He did," agrees Manny. "Okay, lean back, Brian Boitano."

"Why?" says Toby, shrugging.

"Because I realized that I'm seriously low on the Toby quotient in my scrapbook," says Manny. "Lean back, say cheese."

Toby leans back, Manny putting her head next to his. She takes the picture, stares down at it. The image is really nice, her grinning, like the cares of the day are gone. Toby's smile, something she hardly paid attention to before, is bright, effortless.

"Awww, we're officially cute," says Manny.

"Having an impromptu photo session, Manny?" says Peter, heading towards them. "Should I get my camera?"

"Wow, it really is true," says Manny. "The freaks do come out at night."

"I'd still film you anytime," says Peter, puckering his lips. "You made a lot of people happy. You liked it, right, Toby?"

Manny shifts uncomfortably on the sofa, not looking Peter in the eye.

"I didn't," says Toby strongly.

Manny throws him a smile, looks triumphantly at Peter.

"Who cares what a geek thinks?" says Peter, frowning. "I've got better stuff to do than talk to you two."

"Go do it, then," snaps Manny.

Peter clicks his tongue, heads for the stairs. He passes Emma on the way, who gleefully runs up to Toby and Manny, situating herself between them on the couch. She carries a large, white cloth bag, a picture of an evergreen tree on the front.

"Em!" says Manny, scooching over more.

"Sorry," says Emma. "But look what I got!"

"You bought stuff...from the Mountie Museum?" says Manny, her forehead crinkling.

"It was so much fun!" says Emma. "The birds, so beautiful. We got to see how they store sap, make maple syrup. There's the cutest dog there, Eureka. Owners are pretty old, but cute. And...I bought a hat!"

Emma takes out a red, mountie hat, puts it on her head. Manny sees Toby's eyes bug out, and she giggles.

"Spin got a brown one," continues Emma. "Darcy got this lame badge. I don't know what she was thinking. Then again, she was sorta moody."

"I wonder why," says Manny, pointedly.

"Huh?" says Emma.

"Hello!" says Manny, tapping the brim of Emma's hat with her hand. "They're dating."

"Not officially," says Emma. "And like I told you, we're friends. I'm going to change for karaoke."

"Karaoke?" gasps Manny.

"Yep. Spinner invited us," explains Emma. "Tell Craig. It's at eight."

Emma grabs her bag, leaving, hat still on her head. Manny groans. Yeah, she'd tell Craig. Tell him not to bother coming. But this was the first time he hadn't come through for her since they got back together, and she didn't want to be there alone.

"I'm going to go track down Craig," says Manny, standing.

Toby appears surprised, but not for long. He smiles.

"Yeah, I should check on Clara," says Toby. "It was...fun."

It was, thinks Manny. They'd stayed out longer than she anticipated, and Toby picked it all up remarkably well. He listened intently to all her instructions, never pestered her about Craig, and she was sure he knew something was wrong with her. During lunch, they took turns guessing what Christian was doing, with her assuming he'd gone crazy from boredom, and him assuming he'd watched every Audrey Hepburn movie in the store, twice. The awkwardness was melting as fast as the snow on her boots when they came in. And yes, spending the night in the same room with him was odd, odder than she'd ever admit, maybe because he treated her like a lady. The manners, the respect, the compliments...it was new, and nice.

"Very fun," agrees Manny.

"And if I run into Snake, I'll tell him you want to switch," says Toby.

"No!" cries Manny. "I mean...don't worry about it."

"You sure?" asks Toby.

"Well, we already worked out a system...and he probably has enough to do...and I don't want anyone else to see my pink shower caddy," stammers Manny. "That is...if you want to keep it that way."

"No...it's fine with me," replies Toby. "See you in the room."

"Alright," says Manny.

Manny watches him go. What possessed her not to switch? She runs a hand through her hair, trying to work it all out in her mind. Before she can, she feels a tap on her shoulder.

"Hi," says Craig, his cheeks flushed.

"Hi," says Manny. "You're alive, I see."

Manny rolls her eyes, starts to walk away. Craig gently takes her arm, turns her around.

"It was stupid of me not to come," says Craig.

"It's the one thing I wanted to do, Craig! And you couldn't, because?" exclaims Manny.

"No reason," admits Craig. "But I am sorry. So sorry! You have no idea how sorry."

Manny fingers an earring, drops her shoulders, sighs. "Craig..."

"We'll do whatever you want tonight," offers Craig.

If he's really sorry, he'll prove it, she thinks, frowning at him.

"Karaoke...eight," says Manny. "Be there. It's music so maybe you'll enjoy it, or not, because it'll be a lot of bad singing. Anyway, meet me there. We clear on the time?"

Craig nods.

"Fine," says Manny.

Craig looks at her, and for the first time, she can see a bit of sadness in them, a bit of doubt. Manny takes a deep breath, walks past him. Is it just me, she thinks, or is it colder inside?

III.

"_I'm bringing sexy back_!" sings Derek into the microphone.

"Boo!" yells Sully, his arm around a blonde girl in a parka.

"_Ya'll other boys don't know how to act_!" continues Derek, giving Danny a high five.

"Yes we do!" comments Nate, situating his leg with a cast on it on a table, then stuffing a cookie into his mouth. "Star of all Degrassi dramatic productions here."

Manny laughs, pours herself some punch, wanders back over to Craig, Spinner, Darcy, and Emma standing at the other side of the room.

"Don't be jealous of us since you're stuck inside, drama boy!" says Derek, missing the rest of the verse. "Oh! _Come here, girl, go head, be gone with it_..."

"This is a great song," praises Manny, tipping Emma's mountie hat, which she was inexplicably still wearing.

"I love Justin," says Darcy. "Derek...no."

"He drives a hybrid so he's okay with me," chimes in Emma.

"He's alright, I guess," says Craig.

Derek finishes the song, hands over the microphone to Paige, who taps it. Alex and Marco join her onstage, and Alex does a little shimmy.

"Hey, Degrassi," says Paige into the microphone.

"Yeah, baby," says Danny, approvingly, staring Paige up and down.

"Thought I'd try out my voice on a willing crowd," says Paige. "Alex is helping out, and Marco...well, he's here to make us look good."

"Woot, Marco!" yells Jimmy.

Marco bows, nods at the man handling the equipment to start the music.

"Mariah Carey, pre-craziness," says Paige, then beginning to sing. "_Ooh your love's so good, I don't want to let go, and although I should, I can't leave you alone..._"

"Who knew Paige could sing?" says Darcy. "Nice."

"Yeah, her voice is really good," says Spinner. "Can you sing, Emma?"

Emma shrugs. "A little."

"Well, me and Darcy are going to sing later, if you want to join in?" says Spinner.

Darcy sighs. Manny can tell Emma's more than worn out her welcome, if she was ever welcome.

"Okay. Let's go look at the playlist," says Emma.

Emma, Spinner, and Darcy head over to the equipment, where the playlist sits on a table. That leaves her and Craig alone for the first time that night. Craig avoids eye contact, Manny sipping her punch.

"_Heartbreaker you've got the best of me, but I just on keep coming back obsessively. Oh why did you have to run your game on me? I should of known right from the start, you'd go and break my heart_," continues Paige.

"Come on, everyone!" yells Marco geekily, hands up. "Raise the roof like you mean it!"

The audience claps, some raising the roof with their hands.

"Nice night," says Manny, staring at Craig. "You okay?"

"Yeah," answers Craig.

"Wanna dance?"

"To this?"

Manny nods. "It's one of my favorites."

"Okay," says Craig.

Craig wraps her arms around her waist, Manny grinning. Never mind the strangeness of the previous moments, this always felt right. She feels so safe, so close to him. She puts her head on his chest, but is surprised to hear his heart going quickly under his shirt.

"Manny," whispers Craig, but loud enough for her to hear. "Can we go talk?"

Manny looks up. "Sure."

Finally he wants some alone time, she thinks. He takes her hand, and they walk towards a pair of double doors, leading out onto a nicely lit deck, with telescopes for stargazing. In the background, she can still hear Paige and Alex's performance. Alex was on the microphone, smoothly rapping over the track:

"_She wanna pillow fight in the middle of the night  
She wanna drive my Benz with five of her friends  
She wanna creep past the block, spying again  
She wanna roll with Jay, chase skeeos away  
She wanna fight with lame chicks, blow my date_

_She wanna inspect the rest, kick me to the crib  
If she find one strand of hair longer than hers_."

They find two chairs, and Craig faces one chair opposite another. He gestures for Manny to sit, and she does.

"It's cold," says Manny, grinning at him. "But I'm thinking you can warm me up."

She reaches for Craig, but he takes her shoulders, eases her back.

"What's wrong?" asks Manny. "I thought that's why you called me out here."

"Manny...," begins Craig.

"Craig, if this is about skating, I forgive you," says Manny. "You lost track of time, I guess."

They hear people cheering from outside, obviously pleased with Paige and Alex's performance.

"This isn't about skating, Manny," says Craig. "This is about us."

"Ummm...what about us?" says Manny. "Things were finally starting to go right tonight. It's fine.'

"It's not just tonight, Manny," whispers Craig. "Don't you feel it? Something's really off."

"Off?" questions Manny. "Look, Craig, I'm sorry for being moody about the skating thing."

"No, Manny!" says Craig, standing, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Please don't apologize. It's not...it's us. I'm leading you to believe...that we can make it."

Until then, confusion circled in her mind, but now, Manny's lungs feel as though they're about to collapse. Her throat grows dry, even though she'd downed four cups of punch during all those moments of silence.

"We can make it, Craig," says Manny, her eyes blurring. "We..."

"Manny, I don't want to hurt you," insists Craig. "But I am, everytime we go out. I'm not honest with you."

Manny starts to cry, staring up at a star-filled sky. "I thought...I thought...," she breathes.

"You thought because I let you think it," says Craig, taking a deep breath.

"It's Ashley, isn't it?" says Manny.

"No...no, this is me," says Craig.

"Is it the...the abortion?" whispers Manny. "You hate me?"

Craig takes Manny into her arms, strokes her back. "Manny...I don't hate you. I think you're beautiful, but this has gotta stop."

Manny shoves him, doesn't feel too horrible when she sees Craig's hurt expression.

"I should've expected this. That's what you're thinking, right?" says Manny, coldly smiling at him. "You just come to me when Ashley's unavailable. You bring me to the movies, flaunt me in front of her there, won't apologize to me but you'll sing an apology to her to the whole school."

"Manny..."

"I don't know how many times you can let me down, how many people are going to let me down," says Manny through her tears. "There must be this huge target on my back, and you're hurting me the most."

"No...no, Manny," protests Craig. "Can...can we be friends?"

Manny goes to the deck door, thrusts it open. All those times she supported him, chased after him to give him an ear to listen to, a shoulder to lean on.

"Walk away," whispers Manny, angrily. "This time, I won't follow you."

Craig sighs, throws her one sorrowful glance, and steps through the doors. Manny softly closes it behind him, hiccuping as more tears come. She walks to the chair, sits, lets her face fall into her hands, tears slipping through her fingers. The cold air seeps through her clothes, numbing her legs, but it's not as numb as the area around her heart.

IV.

Ashley covers her ears. She thought skipping karaoke night would spare her ears from anything awful, but no, Heather's clogging to snappy Irish ditties in their room irritated her more. She wishes she'd never said, sure, practice for the pagaent, but definitely regrets it. Apparently, she was the only one since the neighbors didn't complain. She really wanted them to. She exits their room, heads down the staircase, running into Toby on the way down. He's carrying a bottle of ginger ale.

"You know you get gas when you drink soda," reminds Ashley.

"Ashley!" says Toby, glancing around. "Shut up! And it's for Clara."

"Oh," says Ashley. "Who's Clara?"

"None of your business," replies Toby.

Ashley looks behind him, exhales a breath. In the center of the lobby, she can see Craig, sitting in front of a piano, head resting on his elbow. Toby stares at him too. Derek and Danny stumble up the stairs, shoving each other on the way.

"What happened to Craig?" says Toby.

"Manny," informs Derek. "Guessing it's splitsville. She's out there crying. And he's in here...mourning the loss of such a hot chick."

Derek shoves Danny, runs upstairs, Danny chasing him. Toby glances at Ashley, goes back down, heading for the deck. Ashley stands still, staring at Craig. Craig lifts his head, sees her. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she slowly goes to him, sits by him on the piano bench.

"I hurt her," says Craig after a long pause.

"Toby will check on her," comforts Ashley. "I hope she's okay."

Craig nods.

"How was karaoke?" says Ashley, hoping that would cause him to smile.

"You missed some really bad music," laughs Craig. "Paige did alright. The others...no. I'm biased, though. Not into rap, or poppy soul."

"Poppy soul music isn't all bad," says Ashley. "Especially if it's sung by the right person."

"Prove it," says Craig, smiling at her.

Ashley arches her back, grins. "Sit up."

Craig sits up, giving her full access to the piano. Ashley plays a few riffs, pleased by the fact that he's sitting next to her, seems to be enjoying the music. She sings:

"_Pride can stand a thousand trials  
The strong will never fall,  
But watching stars without you,  
My soul cried."_

Craig sits up, beams at her. She remembers all those moments in London when she cried, thinking how she disappointed him, all those shopping trips that left her full for five minutes when she got home, then unsatisfied for the rest of the night. She didn't sleep until she found out he'd been found after running away, instead staring out at the sky. London never felt so cold, so lonely. If he only knew how she felt those nights, those awful nights.

"_Heaving heart is full of pain,  
Oh, oh, the aching. Cos I'm kissing you_."

Craig listens intently, legs going up and down nervously. She smiles. He always got excited when he heard her play. It's nice to know that hasn't been lost, that he still appreciates that part of her, no matter the music.

"_Touch me deep, pure and true...  
Gift to me forever.  
'Cos I'm kissing you, oh.  
I'm kissing you. _

Where are you now?  
Where are you now?

'Cos I'm, oh I'm kissing you.  
I'm kissing you..."

Ashley stops playing, looks back at him, grins, waiting for his assessment. He curls his fingers over hers, raises her chin, moves his lips with hers. She lets their hands fall, plunk down on a few keys, before stroking his neck, pulling him to her.

"I'm assuming you liked it," says Ashley, between kisses.

"Well, I am your biggest fan," says Craig, kissing her again.

V.

Manny wraps her arms around herself, looking at the trees, the mountain, trying to find the strength to go in. She thought she heard piano music playing, but she'd been out there for hours and she's sure it's nearing ten-thirty, when Emma said karaoke would be over. Her eyes rest on the frosted window of the doors leading to the deck, and her heart quickens when she sees Toby, in a coat, waving at her.

Sighing, she stands, lets him out onto the deck. She quickly turns away, doesn't want him to see how red her eyes are, her hair all messed up.

"I heard," says Toby.

Manny shakes her head, goes over to the telescope.

"It was pretty obvious, I suppose," says Manny, wiping away a tear.

Toby reaches out to touch her, but Manny inches back.

"Don't feel sorry for me," says Manny, attempting to smile. "I was expecting it. I really was."

Great, lying to myself, thinks Manny. Rather than face Toby, she peers into the telescope.

"Wow," breathes Manny, constellations entering her vision. "Some things are beautiful, even on ugly days."

"I think that's Andromeda," says Toby. "You can see it best in November. Well, it's still pretty early in December."

"It's pretty," comments Manny, positioning the telescope in Toby's direction.

Toby looks in. "She's said to be the most beautiful woman in the stars. There's not many, but that's still a nice title. Every man wanted her."

"Yeah," says Manny, wiping her eyes. "But not one man wants me."

"They're stupid if they don't," says Toby. "I'll take you upstairs."

She gives him a small grin. It is just like him to say something nice, even if it's not true, thinks Manny. Staring into his brown eyes, under the glasses, she finds herself unable to speak, to thank him, though she wants to. Maybe it's because she's hurting, but she's not sure. Manny nods, starts to open the deck doors.

"Wait," says Toby, going in first, looking around as if for someone.

He pulls Manny in, and they head up the stairs. Manny unlocks the door, unzips her jacket, Toby doing the same. She sits on her bed, checking her face in a compact mirror. Toby goes over to put the ginger ale into the mini-bar refrigerator. Manny watches him curiously.

"It's locked," says Toby. "Forgot."

"Oh," says Manny.

"What'd you think is in there?"

"I overheard Emma say they removed all the booze in our rooms. They had a school where half the kids got drunk breaking into them. But Warren did tell me that there's candy, a couple snack cakes, wrapped up toblerones."

"Toblerones?" says Toby, chuckling. "My Bubbie...grandmother...she used to give me those, make up this lame saying. Toby likes Toblerones. I haven't had them in forever. They were good."

Manny shrugs. "I'm not into fancy chocolate, but we can have them. If we work together, we can bust it open."

"Nah," says Toby. "Besides, I gotta pretend to be Tonya. It's almost eleven."

Manny laughs. "Mmkay."

Toby disappears into the bathroom after retrieving his pajamas and toothbrush. Manny lays against the covers, her head stinging. She falls asleep to the sound of rushing water, last tears falling into the folds of her blanket.

VI.

A light knock on the door awakes Toby. He rubs his eyes, puts on his glasses. The first thing he notices is that Manny's not in her bed. He checks the bathroom hurriedly. Nope, she's not here, he thinks. With the state she's in, he opens the door, hoping that it was her, that she had just forgotten her key. Clara smiles when she sees his face.

"Morning," says Clara. "I'm all better."

"Hey," greets Toby, trying to shield himself with the door. "I'm in my pajamas. Sorry."

"They're nice," says Clara, peeping in. "Manny's not here?"

"No, she got up early, I guess."

"Well, you got a basket," informs Clara, as Toby parts the door more. "The staff must love Manny. That mix-up is getting you guys a lot of stuff."

Toby laughs. "Yeah."

"And thanks for the soup," says Clara, handing him the basket.

"Your ginger ale!" remembers Toby, going to get it and presenting it. "It's flat...probably."

"It's the thought that counts," assures Clara, taking it. "You're awesome, Toby. Meet you for breakfast in twenty minutes?"

"Okay," says Toby.

Clara waves good-bye while Toby closes the door. He goes to put the basket, topped with a red blanket, on Manny's bed, but stops when he sees that his name is scrawled on the envelope on top of the blanket. Did Warren feel bad for him too?

He opens the envelope, nearly drops it after reading the contents:

_They're all for you. Favor from Warren. Thanks for last night, "Tonya". Manny_

He takes off the blanket, shakes his head in disbelief. Dozens of toblerones, with two bottles of cold ginger ale on the side.

"Whoa," he breathes.

She must've gotten up early to do this, thinks Toby. He grins. If only the stars were as bright as the smile that remained on his face.


	11. Future Lovers

**XI. Future Lovers**

_I'm gonna tell you about love  
Let's forget your life  
forget your problems  
Administration, bills and loans  
Come with me _

In the evidence of it's brilliance

In the demonstration of this evidence  
Some have called it religion  
This is not a coincidence  
Would you like to try

Connect to the sky  
Future lovers ride  
They're in mission style  
Would you like to try

Let me be your guide  
Cut inside your pride  
Future lovers hide  
Love inside their eyes

In the evidence of it's brilliance

_Love controlled by time  
Future lovers shine  
For eternity  
In a world that's free _

Put away your past  
Love will never last  
If you're holding on  
To a dream that's gone

I'm gonna tell you about love  
Would you like to try

In the evidence of it's brilliance  
There's no love like the future love

Come with me

In the evidence of it's brilliance

"Where you going, Cameron?"

The question stops Sean from zipping up his bomber jacket, newly purchased from a thrift store near the auto shop. Jimmy folds his Triple Five Soul hoodie, then grabs his wallet.

"Just places," replies Sean, pocketing his room key.

Jimmy eyes him sharply. "Oh."

"What?" prompts Sean.

"At first I didn't get you asking for Haze's room number," says Jimmy. "Must've had my head stuck in the clouds when I was sketching. But then I thought of her roommate, and now, not so surprised."

Sean remains quiet, goes to get the rest of his things. Jimmy wheels to Sean's side, halts his hand from picking up a pair of gloves.

"You know she's digging Craig, right?" says Jimmy.

"Craig?" says Sean, blankly. "You mean, Ellie likes…."

"Yep."

"But he's into Ashley. He's made that pretty clear."

Jimmy sighs. "Ellie's different, man. She's not the same girl you dated. She's more relaxed, happy."

Sean zips his jacket all the way up, remembering their first conversation in the hallway when he returned. She couldn't answer him when he asked if the feelings were the same, maybe because she has feelings for someone else. He didn't expect her to wait for him, but he wanted her to hold onto the feelings they shared.

"Gotta go," says Sean, sniffling. "See ya, man."

He leaves the room, goes downstairs, and enters the dining hall. He spies Spinner and Emma in one corner, huddled over some slips of paper, and Peter, Derek, and Danny in another corner, passing back and forth an issue of _Source_ with Jay-Z on the cover. In the center sits Ashley, calmly reading a book.

"Courtney Love," says Sean, seeing the book jacket. "Interesting."

"Don't tell Craig," says Ashley. "He thinks she's evil."

"Speaking of Craig…um…," begins Sean, taking a seat.

Ashley puts down the book, gives him a curious glance. A waiter sets down two plates in front of them.

"I'm not staying," says Sean to the waiter.

"Don't let the pretty girl eat all alone," says the waiter, winking at him.

Sean shrugs. The waiter leaves, grinning widely.

"What's this about Craig?" asks Ashley.

"Does…does Ellie like him? Jimmy said she did," says Sean, looking over his shoulder.

Ashley sighs, brushes some hair out of her eye. Sean knows it's true by her reluctance to speak. What was the use of trying? Craig had never wronged Ellie, never left her.

"Ellie and I aren't speaking," whispers Ashley. "And Craig's not interested. We kissed last night."

"Whoa, really?" says Sean. "He and Manny?"

"Broken up," supplies Ashley.

"I should respect how she feels though, right?" says Sean, quietly. "I didn't last time."

Ashley shakes her head. "You should go for it."

"But…."

"Sean, I thought Craig hated me, but we managed to talk, and before I knew it, we were making out in the lobby. You need to know if there's something there, or you'll regret it. I've run so many times, tried to ignore how I felt, but once you face them, it's different. A great kind of different."

Jimmy's words echo in his brain, him saying Ellie was different. Maybe it's a great kind of different, he thinks. It made sense to stay in Wasaga, hush their inner demons, be away from things that reminded him of the shooting. Perhaps that's why he's stayed clear of Emma, who he was relieved to see doing alright. But it didn't make sense to stay away from Ellie; truthfully, it never made sense. After all, he was a great kind of different now, too.

"I've got twenty minutes," says Sean, smiling. "Hurry up and eat so I can meet El?"

"Awww," says Ashley, grinning. "Thattaboy."

II.

"There's so many," breathes Craig, letting his eyes wander.

"Well, we are in a hotel," says Marco, putting on his scarf.

Jimmy laughs, then sings. "_Let's get it on_…"

Craig reaches for a box of glow-in-the-dark condoms, then smiles.

"Gentleman, I think we have a winner," chuckles Craig.

"If Joey or Kate could only see you now," teases Jimmy, wheeling to the counter, alongside Craig and Marco.

"Please," says Craig. "Don't mention Kate's name. I'm shocked she didn't grill before Ash to see if I was coming on this trip. As for Joey, well, Marco and I know he likes to frequent this particular aisle."

"He's definitely no monk," agrees Marco. "And neither is his stepson."

"Hey, I tried to be!" defends Craig.

"That is, before the luscious Miss Santos came along, looking oh so fine in her wedding outfit, but not as hot as the drop-dead Ellie Nash. But of course, tops, and this is probably because I dated her, is the gorgeous creature known as Ashley Kerwin. Craig's got mojo, Del Rossi. Pure mojo," says Jimmy, knocking fists with Craig.

"Tonight's the night, guys," says Craig, handing the box to the clerk.

"Wait a minute," says Marco. "Don't you think this is moving too fast? You broke up with Manny last night. You guys haven't worked out all your issues."

"What issues?" demands Craig.

"Trust. I couldn't trust my heart with Dylan after he cheated. You're being pretty easy on Ash."

"No…no, I'm not!" exclaims Craig. "I mean, she apologized."

"Like you did, but it took months for you to reconnect with her. You had to earn her trust back again," reminds Marco.

"That is true," says Jimmy, softly.

Craig looks between them. "I can't believe I'm hearing this."

"You have the tendency to rush, buddy, and then it catches up to you," says Marco.

The sales clerk hands Craig the bag, but Craig slams the bag on the counter, startling everyone.

"Not so loud!" complains Darcy, putting a bottle of Advil on the counter.

"Hangover?" says Marco, winking at Jimmy.

"No!" cries Darcy. "Karaoke. Listening to Spin and Emma sing _Love Shack _twice in a row ruined my eardrums."

"Listening to Spinner say dude five million times would ruin anyone's hearing too," says Jimmy under his breath.

Craig ignores her. "I'm spending the whole day with Ash, and I guarantee it'll all go smoothly. There's no issues to work out. She's in her room right now so…."

"She's with Sean, in the dining hall," interrupts Darcy, then says to the clerk. "Can I get a Ring pop?"

"With Sean?" exclaims Craig. "What?"

Darcy pays for the Ring Pop, stuffs it in her mouth.

"They're eating breakfast together," informs Darcy, taking the sucker out of her mouth. "Guess I should get one for Spin too. He likes cherry."

Craig takes a deep breath, asks if he can follow Darcy to the dining hall while Marco gives him a knowing look. They arrive in about five minutes, and sure enough, Sean and Ashley are laughing over waffles. He walks briskly to them, stands in front of their table, face flustered.

"Hey, man," greets Sean.

"Get up!" exclaims Craig, angrily.

Sean rises, shakes his head, walks off. Ashley's mouth drops, and she tosses down her napkin.

"What's wrong with you?" she yells, causing everyone to stare.

"I can't….I can't trust you," replies Craig.

There's a rumble of voices, but Craig notices there aren't many people in the hall yet. Then again, why hide the truth? Marco hit the nail on the head. Ashley hadn't made it clear how she felt, and she very well could leave him again. After kissing for hours last night, they hadn't talked so much as exchange sweet looks with one another. Sweet looks were no long-standing promises, and he really did have to work to gain her trust back. Shouldn't she do the same, say "I love you" at the very least?

"With Sean?" says Ashley, softly. "There's nothing…"

"With anyone," interrupts Craig, frowning at her.

Ashley stands, and he can see tears welling up in her eyes. Instead of some biting remark, which he was expecting her to deliver, she nods.

"Okay," she says, then brushes past him.

III.

"_The love shack is a little old place where we can get together_," sing Emma and Spinner in perfect unison.

Manny almost walks right past their table, but shakes herself and sits down with them. On the table, there's no food, only pamphlets. On spirituality, mostly. Manny sighs loudly, not getting their attention.

"Ugh!" exclaims Manny, even more loudly.

"Do you mind?" snaps Emma.

Spinner's brow furrows.

"Do you mind being a best friend right now?" whispers Manny to Emma.

Emma raises her eyebrows. "Yeah, sure. Spin?"

"Darcy and I are skating anyway," says Spinner. "Bye."

Manny stares after him, then back at Emma. Emma pretends to read a pamphlet while Manny rolls her eyes.

"Finding religion, Em?" says Manny. "Going to join Friendship Club?"

"I didn't know you had a problem with religion, Manny," says Emma, eyes fixed on the pamphlet.

"You know what I have a problem with, and it's not religion," says Manny.

Emma groans. "Last year, I was pretty lost. Like life flashed in front of my eyes, pretty intense and everything. This year, I can be new, no mistakes, focus on a fresh start just like Spin. Why do you think I've steered clear of Sean? No, not turning religious, but I do want a clear mind. Hello, I like yoga, you know?"

Manny cradles her head in between her elbow and shoulder on the table. Emma strokes her head.

"What's up with you?" asks Emma.

"Any of those tell you how to rid your mind of feeling like no guy wants you? Especially if it's your boyfriend who dumps you the first night of vacation in the middle of one of your ex-favorite songs?" says Manny in one breath.

Well, it's easier to say it fast than draw it out on some tragic-feel-sorry for-me confession. She expects Emma to say "I told you so", lay into her for being so naïve.

"No," says Emma. "But I bet I could get a pamphlet on how to kick him between the legs so he'll never walk again."

Manny throws her a small smile, then lowers her head.

"That curly-haired troll!" barks Emma. "And here's betting that's why he was talking to Ashley second ago. I mean….oops."

Manny waves her hand. She suspected that Craig would make his move as soon as he left her on the deck. He'd been looking for Ashley or at Ashley ever since they came back.

"Forget it," says Manny.

"Well, it didn't look so good," says Emma. "Ashley left upset. And you know, I shouldn't badmouth Craig. Spinner said we should forgive, or else it'll weigh down our hearts."

"Um…yeah," says Manny.

"I think you should definitely move on, to someone that makes you feel good," advises Emma.

"Like you? There is no one," says Manny, confidently.

Emma isn't listening.

"Peter's out…you hate him. Chester…you ditched him for Spinner. But I can see why. Spinner's a really great guy," says Emma, her eyes lighting up.

"Okay, finish this list before I puke," encourages Manny.

"Oh…what about Nate?!" beams Emma. "Hot, blonde, drama geek. So your type."

"Like I said, no one," brushes off Manny.

"He's in the lodge all day with an injury," says Emma, elbowing Manny. "No one else around. Very cozy."

Manny sighs loudly, the loudest she can muster.

"No, I'm becoming a nun," says Manny.

Emma hugs her, moves her seat next to hers. "Take a pamphlet, then."

IV.

Ellie relaces her right boot, her fingers shaking. She can't fathom why she's more nervous today than yesterday when she accepted Sean's invite, or maybe she can. All her meetings with Sean before were casual, none lasting more than ten minutes. Additionally, Marco had been there to act as somewhat of a buffer for the initial nervousness that time in the auditorium. What would she say to him? It turns out he begins it all.

"Hey, Ellie," he says, warmly, sitting next to her on the couch in the lobby.

"Heylo…I mean, hello," replies Ellie, turning pink after combining "hey" and "hello."

"Um…you want to go skiing?" asks Sean.

Ellie looks down. She doesn't want to admit that she can't or that she's afraid to.

"But we can't talk if we ski," realizes Sean, which causes Ellie to relax a little.

"Kinda anti-skating," admits Sean. "Sorry."

"Me too," says Ellie. "Wanna walk?"

"Sounds good," says Sean, grinning.

The two exit Red Rose, snow whirling around their heads. Ellie shivers, even though her insides feel warmer than usual. Sean smiles weakly at her as they go down a tree-lined pathway. A couple birds chirp overhead.

"How's the article coming?" questions Sean.

"Good. Halfway through," says Ellie. "It's stressing me out. Liberty's barely in the office anymore…some personal delimma with her family, I think."

"Too bad," says Sean, genuinely.

"Yeah. Well, I knew when she became president, I'd have to help out more. How's the job going?"

"Real nice. I can buy stuff I need, sometimes stuff I want."

Ellie grins, gives Sean a small pat on the back.

"Proud of you, Sean," he says. "I'm proud of so many people lately, it seems. Marco got early admission into two schools, Mom's been sober since spring, Jimmy's art is amazing…"

"Craig?" brings up Sean.

"Yeah, Craig too," adds Ellie, nonchalantly. "His new songs…so great."

Sean coughs, and then there's a few moments of silence.

"You seem happy too, El," speaks up Sean. "Alex told me you did well on the entrance tests and you're writing again. You patched up things with your mom. You smile more. I'm assuming you haven't…."

He glances down at her wrist, exposed since her glove doesn't cover it.

"I haven't," says Ellie, hoping not to sound too proud. "I…haven't cut."

"Great," says Sean, taking her wrist gently.

Ellie tucks a hair behind her ear with her free hand. The snow on Sean's shoulders trickles down the front of his jacket, the air still.

"I want to talk…for real," says Sean, softly.

Ellie glances around quickly. No one but the birds.

"Yeah?" urges Ellie.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you, for the Rick thing," says Sean. "I was angry, afraid, ashamed. Sorry for that. And I shouldn't…have left you in Toronto with bills, an empty apartment. I'll pay you or your mom back. I swear."

Ellie holds in a smile, but knows her teeth are poking from underneath her lips.

"I don't want your money, but go ahead," says Ellie.

Sean shakes his head. "There's no reason why I didn't call or phone, except that I didn't know what to say, how to fix it or if I could fix it. I mean, it's not like a car, you know? I could get a handle on it then. Just get that I'm terribly sorry…every kind of sorry."

Ellie smiles full-on now, so big her face hurts.

"That's as good as I can do," says Sean. "You're smiling, so that's decent, I suppose?"

She nods vigorously, hugs him. Holding his body against hers brings everything back: holding each other while watching the lamest of shows; trying to play off that attraction to him during detention, but eventually giving in; telling Jay to take a hike so they could enjoy their apartment together. So many good memories that were dormant before. To her surprise, Sean gets out of her grasp.

"I'm going to leave you alone," says Sean, staring her straight in the eye. "You're having a good year and…"

"My year's been sucking lately," interrupts Ellie. "Until today."

Sean grins. "You sure?"

She puts a hand on each of his cheeks, brings him to her, lightly touching his lips with hers. The rest of the snow from his jacket trickles under her coat, slides down to her chest area over her bra. She shivers slightly, pulls away.

"Chapped lips," she explains, not wanting to tell him what really happened.

"Don't care," says Sean happily, leaning in again.

V.

Nate picks up the remote control, flipping through various movie channels, pausing at some biopic on Shakespeare. He sees an actor reciting Romeo's famous lines, starts mouthing the words. Manny watches him closely, pulls her ponytail.

Sadly and predictably, Emma elected to go down to the skating pond without her, no doubt in search of Spinner and Darcy. Without Craig, this was proving to be a lonely day. She had Toby yesterday, but him cutting down his vacation time so he could baby-sit her wasn't good. She hoped the toblerone basket made up for it in some way.

How was she going to get over this heartbreak that lasted four years? Emma thought that throwing yourself right back into the mix would work, but she knew differently. Craig was the first boy she liked and who liked her back. He asked her to dance over Emma, over Paige, over everyone. He brought her roses, jewelry, stuffed animals. Those stupid Fluffy Fluffs, thinks Manny. Still, didn't that mean anything to him? Nate turns Romeo's monologue up louder. He was supposed to be it, thinks Manny. Craig was supposed to be the Romeo who fixed everything.

"Fancy a seat, Manuella?" says Nate, halting Manny's thoughts.

"Okay," says Manny.

Manny takes a seat, nervously crosses her legs. All the girls in drama club thought Nate was good-looking. Even Ms. Kwan said he had leading man looks. Amy even tried to grab his butt a couple of times.

"What's the diagnosis?" asks Manny, looking at his cast.

"Leg's useless for the entire trip," informs Nate.

"Curses be to foul ice!" says Manny in her best English accent.

Nate chuckles. "Ah, the lady knows the Queen's English."

"Trying out for Juliet next year," says Manny.

"Me too!" exclaims Nate. "I mean…for Romeo."

"Cool," says Manny.

Nate smiles, then his face grows tight.

"Apologies for dissing Emma the other day," says Nate. "I'm usually an okay guy."

'The new Emma would just forgive you," shrugs off Manny. "Don't worry about it."

"And I heard about Craig. Tough break."

Manny bites her lip. "The show must go on."

"And when it does, break a leg...only don't fetch a laptop before said show or you'll _really_ break your leg."

Manny laughs lightly. She was enjoying herself, despite barely knowing Nate. It felt good to laugh. Their conversation is interruped by Toby and Clara coming through the double doors, Clara trying to catch her breath.

"Hey, guys," says Clara. "There's calling for this huge snowstorm. Like six to ten inches."

'They said it might pass, though," adds Toby.

"Doesn't affect me,' says Nate, grabbing his crutches. "So, vice prez, future Juliet, and...um..."

"Clara," says Clara, unzipping her jacket.

"Yeah. Wanna get some lunch?" finishes Nate.

Manny checks for Emma, but there's no sign of her.

"Okay," says Manny.

"Ugh, these things," moans Nate, staring down at his crutches.

"I've had crutches before," says Clara. "Let me help."

Clara steadies Nate, helps him towards the dining hall. Manny glances at Toby, who shyly grins at her.

" What?" says Manny. "Do I have something on my face?"

"Thanks...for the thing," replies Toby, stuffing his hands in his pants.

"The basket? Sure...it's whatever."

She won't tell him that she got up at six-thirty, when she knew no one would be up, to see Warren. Compared to what he did last night after that brutal break-up, it wasn't much anyway.

"Are you feeling better today?"

"Getting there."

"You don't have crutches, but...," starts Toby, offering her his arm.

"Toby...what am I going to do with you?" says Manny, smiling, looping her arm through his.


	12. Burning Up

**Dedicated to Joa :)**

**XI. Burning Up**

_Don't put me off 'cause I'm on fire  
And I can't quench my desire  
Don't you know that  
I'm burning up for your love  
You're not convinced that that is enough  
I put myself in this position  
And I deserve the imposition  
But you don't even know I'm alive  
And this pounding in my heart  
Just won't die...I'm burning up _

_  
I'm burning up burning up for your love  
For your love... _

You're always closing your door  
That only makes me want you more  
And day and night I cry for your love  
You're not convinced that that is enough  
To justify my wanting you  
Tell me what you want me to do  
I'm not blind and I know  
That you want to want me but you can't let go  
Come on let go...

I'm burning up, burning up for your love  
For your love...

Do you wanna see me down on my knees  
Or bending over backwards now would you be pleased  
Unlike the others I'd do anything  
I'm not the same I have no shame  
I'm on fire  
You know you got me burning up baby  
Burning up for your love...

Ashley tucks her nose under her scarf, as blistering cold wind hits her ears. The snow is coming down a little harder as she carries her skis to the ski lift, but she barely notices, heading for the terminal. She hopes the height of the advanced hill will make her mind blank, that jetting down the steepest point will erase what Craig said. She knows, deep down, that he has a right to feel that way. Things never came easy for them, so maybe last night was just some dream, some moment that was supposed to be only that, a moment. Didn't he want them to be together, though? He was the one that made the first move. Now, he's yelling that he can't trust her. Is he looking for some way out? Did he have a change of heart? It was all complicated, so complicated no song could capture it.

She arrives at the terminal, sitting down to put on her skis, a gift from Kate. She was relieved that she didn't have to pay for them, enter a store and be tempted again. The funny thing is that she's not tempted anymore. Apologizing to Craig had worked. Her conscience is clear. Perhaps the dream on the plane wasn't hinting at a relationship, but a need for closure. I'm not satisfied with closure, admits Ashley to herself. That's the problem.

A Red Rose employee, clad in the uniform of a red jacket and heavy, black pants, ushers her into a chair, and is about to set down the bar.

"Going alone, miss?" says the employee. "It's pretty steep terrain."

"I'm a good skier," says Ashley.

"Wait!" calls out a voice.

Craig appears, skis in his arms, clearly out of breath. Ashley can feel her eyes open really wide, but immediately turns away.

"Can I go with you?" asks Craig.

Ashley doesn't turn her head. "If you _trust _that I won't push you out."

Craig nods, sits next to her, the employee lowering the bar and powering the lift. The carrier lurches forward a bit, then starts with a steady motion. Ashley resists the urge to look down, does at one point, and gulps.

"Don't look down," advises Craig.

"I can look down if I want to!" exclaims Ashley.

She glances down again, sees the top of some large pine trees, and covers her eyes. Craig chuckles quietly.

"Think of it like you're on a plane," says Craig.

"There are stewardesses and in-flight movies. Here, it's my feet hovering in mid-air," says Ashley. "Planes aren't that great anyway."

Craig strokes his chin. "Especially if they take away someone you care about."

Ashley uncovers her eyes, faces him. He did look hurt, although this time it wasn't angry or doubtful. It was real sadness, regret, everything she felt while in England.

"When I was coming home, to Toronto, I had this dream on the plane," says Ashley. "It was...strange. We were about to get married."

"What?" says Craig, trying to hide a smile.

Ashley grins. "No...no, it was dumb."

"No...go...go ahead and finish," says Craig.

"Um...well, at first I thought I was marrying Ali and I hated him in it. That was basically a dream imitating life. He called me a slut, said my music was bad," says Ashley, softly.

"He's deluded then," says Craig.

Ashley feels her body relaxing, no longer aware of all the space surrounding them. In fact, it almost seems like they're on Joey's couch again talking, or her bedroom.

"But it wasn't Ali...it was you. You wanted to marry me, and I'm sure I wanted to too. I was confused, though, because I thought you knew about Ali. I told you, you stormed off, and I think it's because you couldn't trust me."

Craig lets out a deep breath, stares at the slope that's only a few moments away.

"Craig, I get it...I do," says Ashley. "At the same time, I've said sorry. Can't that be enough for a little while?"

"I don't know," replies Craig. "I see you with Sean and I go nuts. That's not good. I want to trust you."

The carrier careens to a stop, their bodies shaking a bit. Shaky like our relationship, thinks Ashley. Still, they'd overcome shakiness before.

"How'd you know I was here?" asks Ashley, as another employee helps her out after raising the bar.

"Heather," answers Craig. "She had morning breath...like at one o' clock. Weird."

Ashley laughs. "Yeah, noticed that too."

"Where'd you learn to ski?" asks Craig, as a few fellow skiers pass them on their way to the top.

"My dad," replies Ashley. "He's got a thing for alpine activities. I never had the guts to ride the ski lift, though."

"Learned from my dad too," says Craig.

"Oh," says Ashley, sadly.

"No, it's not like that," assures Craig. "It was one of the things that was fun for us. He said I was good, a natural. Then, of course he'd tried to win my affection by buying me the latest and best skis. Money never made up for the bruises, though."

Ashley sets down her poles in the snow, hugs him. It's awkward considering all the layers they're wearing, but she hopes it cheered him up. He grins at her, but their interaction comes to a close with the ringing of a cellphone. Craig picks it up.

"Snake?" he says after a couple minutes. "Um...yeah...sure, I can do that."

He hangs up the phone, sighs. Ashley searches for hints in his expression.

"What's wrong?" says Ashley.

"Gotta head back down. Snake needs me to deliver some paperwork to the post office, and he's in some type of conference with Armstrong and Nate's mom."

"Nate's mom?"

"I'm not sure what to make it of it either. He sounds panicked. Anyway, I'm driving Armstrong's car there."

Craig makes his way to the ski lift, putting away his cellphone. Ashley catches up to him.

"Um...I heard there was a snowstorm, from Heather," says Ashley.

"It's just predicted," says Craig. "And it's a ten minute drive. Saw the post office when we were coming up."

She takes his arm. "I don't think you should go."

"Ash...don't worry."

Craig gets back into a carrier, waves at Ashley before the lift goes into effect. Ashley throws her other pole down in frustration, staring worriedly as the flakes fall faster and faster. She pulls her skis off, picks up the poles, jogs to the employee fixing his nametag.

"Hi," she says. "When's the next carrier coming?"

II.

Sean grips Ellie's hands tighter as they step over tightly packed snow. He's careful to let her go first, searching for any icy patches.

"I think I saw Craig and Ash up there," says Ellie.

Sean stares up at the ski lift, views a curly mess of hair in the carrier coming down.

"Hmm, only Craig," says Sean.

"Poor Craig," says Ellie, squeezing Sean's hand tighter.

Sean doesn't move, frowns. "Yeah, poor Craig," he says, sarcastically.

Ellie gives him a puzzled look, shrugs.

"I...never mind," says Sean.

Why did Jimmy tell him that Ellie liked Craig? A part of him has been wandering about the strength of Craig and Ellie's bond. It was enough to break up a friendship, so obviously Ashley thought Ellie's feelings for Craig were something to consider. He'd been considering it, even after that kiss, that amazing kiss he didn't see coming.

"You and Craig...pretty close this summer, huh?" says Sean, after helping her step onto a snowy sidewalk.

"Sure," says Ellie. "Marco and Ash were gone, so we hung out. And group."

"So...was it...I don't know, more than friends?" asks Sean, looking down at the sidewalk.

Ellie stops, hugs herself.

"It's not my business, is it?" says Sean.

"No...it isn't. But Sean...I can't keep falling for someone who doesn't fall back. I dressed up for him, wrote songs for him, waited for him...that's a lot to do for a guy that's not interested. No more trying. All tried up."

Sean rubs his neck. "Yeah."

"Should've learned from Marco. The go-nowhere crush. Bane of my existence. That, and Hazel, for at least one more day."

They both laugh, heading into the lodge.

"Really don't feel like getting stressed over the paper again," groans Ellie.

On the way in, they pass Sully and Peter arguing.

"I'm sure it's here somewhere!" insists Peter.

"Why do you think they want us to stay away from the staff quarters!" exclaims Sully. "It has to be in there. You're the most clueless guy ever."

Peter rolls his eyes, and they both head towards the deck doors.

"What was that about?" says Ellie.

Sean smirks. "Got a wild guess. Feel like breaking and entering?"

Ellie gives him a confused smile. "Huh?"

"Get a bathing suit and meet me here in half an hour," says Sean, beaming, going towards his room.

"Sean!" calls Ellie after him.

III.

Rather than dwell on the secretive way in which Sean spoke, Ellie trudges upstairs, opens the door to her room. Her eyes meet a ton of neon, the dominant theme of Hazel's vacation wear. It nearly burns her eyes. Hazel smears on some lipstick, then reaches for some mascara.

"So do they have a pool here or what?" asks Ellie, hoping that Hazel might clue her in.

Hazel hums, starts putting on some mascara.

"Okay, the silent treatment," says Ellie. "Works for me."

Ellie lays flat on her bed. She didn't bring a bathing suit. Maybe she could buy one at the gift shop.

"Where were you?" questions Hazel, not looking at Ellie.

Ellie sits up, surprised to finally hear Hazel address her directly.

"Out," replies Ellie.

"With Jimmy?" says Hazel, frowning.

"No...if you must know, it was Sean, okay?" blurts out Ellie, her face reddening.

The room grows quiet again, but then Hazel rises from her chair.

"So you and Sean are a thing again?" says Hazel.

"Not sure...I hope so," admits Ellie.

Hazel's whole demeanor changes, and Ellie can see the same bubbly Hazel that talked about J.T.'s complexion a couple days ago reemerge. With the knowledge that Jimmy wasn't on her radar, it's no wonder, thinks Ellie. If Hazel had simply asked her about the guy, they may've gotten along a lot better for the majority of the trip, but Ellie suspects this is how it's done with girls. I mean, look at me and Ash, thinks Ellie, fighting over Craig. Well, it's one thing Hazel and I have in common.

"There is a pool," says Hazel. "It's locked for right now, though."

"That must be where we're going...oops, I mean..." stammers Ellie.

"Oooh, tell," says Hazel, bouncing up and down, then sitting down on Ellie's bed.

"Sean, told me to bring a bathing suit, only I don't have one," explains Ellie.

"Hmmm," mutters Hazel.

Quickly getting up, she rifles through some clothes in a nearby closet, throwing a glance at Ellie now and then. At one point, she stares hard at Ellie's chest, and Ellie wraps her arms around her chest. Hazel returns to the bed, a navy blue one piece in hand, a fairly modest swimsuit.

"Shows a little boobage, but that's okay," says Hazel, handing it to Ellie.

"I have no boobage, Hazel!" protests Ellie. "I can't wear this."

"It's clean," defends Hazel.

"It's too sexy...I don't show off my body that much...I can't," says Ellie.

Hazel grabs Ellie's hand, drags her to the mirror on the back of the closet door.

"Ellie, this'll be the only time I say this to you, and frankly, I don't know you very well or Sean very well, but he's not going to care what you show off or don't show off. He's going to want you because he's a guy and you're a pretty girl and you've both got hormones. Simple as that."

Sighing, Ellie holds the suit up to her body.

"It's okay to be a little sexy," says Hazel. "It's our big trip."

"Just a little?" says Ellie, timidly.

"A little," says Hazel, winking at her reflection in the mirror.

IV.

"So that's why I feel ram is a perfectly acceptable Hanukkah gift," says Clara, decisively, buttering a roll.

Manny hears this upon joining the table, having gone back for some more lunch meat for her sandwich.

"You're getting someone a ram for Hanukkah?" says Manny. "Really?"

Clara and Toby stare at one another, Nate giving her a polite smile.

"Computer ram," corrects Clara.

"Oh!" says Manny. "Good, because I don't think you can giftwrap a ram."

Toby laughs, Clara staring at her blankly. Manny lowers her eyes, slowly bites into her sandwich. She always felt she never said the right thing around Clara, at the video store especially. Unfortunately, it seemed to carry over to the resort as well.

"I don't know much about computers," says Manny.

"It's the only subject I'm good in," comforts Clara. "I don't know much about acting."

"Well, it's a craft," says Manny. "It takes time to get it right."

"Definitely a craft," agrees Nate. "But at least you have a movie under your belt. I'd have loved to work with Kevin Smith."

Manny blushes. "Yeah...well..."

"Kevin Smith is a genius," says Toby. "And he has good taste in actresses."

Both Nate and Toby stare admiringly at Manny.

"Stop it, guys," says Manny. "Okay, maybe a little more."

They all laugh, except Clara, who Manny notices is twisting her straw wrapper awfully hard.

"Kevin Smith's made some bombs lately," says Clara. "I mean, no one rents them from the store. He couldn't save Ben Affleck's career. I can think of like ten better directors."

Nate nods. "Yeah, but the one he shot at Degrassi will probably be decent."

"Some of the dialogue didn't flow," says Clara. "I was an extra too. And I didn't get your storyline, Manny."

Manny shrugs. "Um, it was just a fun plot, older man goes after younger girl, later leaves her in the dust."

"That's pretty sad. Not a lot of depth to it," says Clara, shrewdly eyeing Manny. "Then again, I'm no film critic."

The temperature of the dining hall feels chillier to Manny, her taking a deep breath. What on earth was fueling this little commentary? Toby and Nate appeared to be oblivious, or they actually believed the same thing. No, it wasn't a challenging role, but it meant something to her. Then again, maybe she was taking it too personal. Clara has a right to her opinion.

"You did the best with what you had to work with, though," adds Clara, quickly.

"Thank...thank you," stammers Manny. "I have to go to the washroom."

Toby gets up as Manny stands.

"Thanks," she says to Toby, though she can hear the scooch of a chair as she leaves.

Not surprisingly, Clara had followed her. Manny turns on the sink, begins washing her face with her hands.

"I hope I didn't offend you," says Clara, tapping her on the shoulder.

"No...no!" says Manny, her forehead throbbing. "The role was surface, and yeah, there are better directors. It's...it's fine. It's sure hot in here, isn't it?"

"Because I like being honest."

"Same here."

Clara stands close to her, glancing in her direction. "So then...," she starts.

"So then...what?" says Manny.

"So then you'd tell me if...if you were having feelings for Toby."

Manny nearly sputters out some water she accidentally swallowed. "What!"

"Skating all day yesterday while I was sick, him coming to check up on you after the Craig thing, staring at the stars, the toblerone basket. That's getting a bit more than friendly."

Grabbing a paper towel, Manny wipes her mouth.

"How'd you know what we were doing last night?" asks Manny.

"Toby never came back when he went to get me a ginger ale...that was weird, so not like him. Asked him what happened and he told me. He was very open about it."

"Should've been, because there's nothing going on," says Manny.

"That's all I needed to hear," says Clara, shrugging. "Going back. Lunch is getting cold."

Clara goes through the bathroom door, leaving Manny speechless. She plays with her hair, stares in the mirror. Sure, she appreciates what Toby has done. He helped her get the job, he defended her in front of Peter and Heather, agreed to help her get the money for a dress, he spent most of yesterday with her, he took care of little things...he was...he was doing a lot of things. Oh wow, thinks Manny, ducking into a stall, rubbing her forehead. Wow, when you add them all up...pretty huge. Did he even know he was doing all of this for her, bending over backwards? And why? She leaves the stall, straightens her clothes, heads back to the table where Nate is sharing famous Star Wars quotes. Clara giggles, apparently satisfied with Manny's answer to her questions.

Manny stares at Toby, who's also listening to Nate. Toby's eyes meet her for a moment, and she's not surprised by the sweat beading the back of her neck, but the rate at which her heart quickens. He was acting like more than a friend, and she wasn't sure what he was acting like. But she liked it, liked it more than she can say actually.

"Han and Leia, coolest couple," says Nate. "Padme and Skywalker...cheesy."

"Yeah," agrees Clara. "That whole denial about their feelings. So much more film worthy."

"That's what makes them so good," assures Nate. "The longer the wait, the bigger the payoff. And you don't know it, they don't even know it, and it's sleeping, but it's there."

Manny bites her lip, unable to join in the conversation, looks away from Toby.

"Oh yeah," says Clara. "Definitely there."

V.

Ellie nearly bumps into a side table, her eyes closed. Sean had told her to close them, take his hand, and the journey was proving difficult. It took her about five minutes to get the suit on, but fifteen more minutes to work up the nerve to go into the main area of the resort, clad only in a robe. She thought about wearing jeans underneath the heavy, white cotton robe, but Hazel convinced her not to. She has to admit that Sean's reaction was worth it– a smile; a shy grin; barely any words left his mouth. He wore a white shirt over red trunks, flip-flops on his feet.

She thinks she hears someone jimmying a lock, most likely Sean. May not be able to ski, but I can definitely swim, thinks Ellie, smiling with relief. He gently pushes her through the door, tells her to open her eyes. Ellie does, taking in the sight. They're clearly in a private area, not a pool. Then, Ellie recalls Peter and Sully's conversation, about something being in the staff quarters. A hot tub sits in the center, medium-sized, with Sean going over to turn it on. She blushes furiously, tries to stuff her hands in her robe, but then remembers that there's no pockets.

"Nice," says Ellie, swallowing a lump in her throat.

"Isn't it?" says Sean. "I figured it out when we heard those guys talking. And you said you wanted to relax so...yeah."

"We're so getting caught!" says Ellie, glancing at the door.

"Not if you lock the door," replies Sean, turning the lock.

Ellie nods, as the water enters the tub, steam rising from it. She turns her back to it, rubbing her nose. Okay, a little sexy she could do, but this? Being in a hot tub with Sean of all people? It's not that she didn't want to. In fact, she really wanted to. She wasn't even in, and she was already sweating. Hearing a splash, she knows Sean is already in after taking off his shirt and shoes.

"Ahhh," sighs Sean. "Coming in, El?"

"I...I...," begins Ellie.

"We'll be here ten minutes max. Okay?"

Ellie glances at him. "Um, yeah."

Well, here goes the great reveal, thinks Ellie, undoing her robe. It slowly falls to her feet. She'd been right. It was a little loose because her bust was smaller than Hazel, but it did shape her legs nicely. She shyly looks at Sean.

"Wow," breathes Sean.

Ellie smirks. "Um...it's Hazel's suit."

"Remind me to thank her later," says Sean, grinning.

Ellie grins back, advances to the tub. She puts one foot in, steam surrounding her face. It did feel good, and all the things she had to do for the edition did leave her mind. The water caresses her back, her thighs as she sits. Sean appears blurry in her vision, then becomes sharper, then perfectly clear. Ellie wipes her forehead, making sure she's at a distance from Sean.

"You're nervous," notices Sean.

"No...no," says Ellie. "I'm used to this. Queen of the hot tub parties."

Sean laughs. "Okay."

He moves over towards her, his nose to hers, Ellie gulping.

"Is it too hot for you?" says Sean, softly.

Ellie shakes her head. Sean reaches for the temperature setting, turns it down. Oh, so that's why he came over, thinks Ellie.

"I'm burning up a little," confesses Sean.

"Have you...um, ever been in a hot tub before?" says Ellie as Sean moves back to his original place.

Sean uses his hands to wade in the water. "Nope. You?"

"Me either."

"Maybe when the shop really gets going, I can afford one of those huge apartments, get one of these."

Ellie smiles. "That'd be cool."

"And you could come over and relax. You're definitely still not all the way relaxed."

"I'm...I'm getting there," stammers Ellie.

"I can move closer, then?" says Sean.

"Um...," starts Ellie.

Sean positions himself in front of her, so close she can see the beads of sweat under his eyes. She's unclear if the heat is coming from inside her, or the water circling them. Maybe it's a mix of both. Ellie can see the sheen of the water on his shoulders, the top of her chest. Sean strokes her cheek with his wet hand.

"Hey," says Sean.

"Hey," says Ellie.

He puts her lips to her softly, and the tension in her muscles starts to subside. She gingerly places her head on his shoulders, lets herself fall apart, her mouth moving with his. It all seemed so complex in her head, so simple now.

"I'm all the way relaxed now," whispers Ellie, their noses touching.

Sean raises his hand, and she loops her fingers through his, the same as on the roof when she first fell for him. Sean beams at her, kisses her through the steam.

VI.

"Party!" yells Derek, handing Manny a piece of paper. "Only cool people invited."

Manny, Toby, and Clara were walking together after lunch, Nate heading to the nurse after Snake came and fetched him. Manny could tell Snake was worried about something, his eyes red, shoulders down. She decided to leave it alone, but maybe thought it was best to tell Emma. If she could find Emma.

Derek continues running, stopping once in a while to deliver an invite.

"Let's see what's going on," says Manny, beginning to read the invite. "Ah, a last minute blow-out to wind up the trip. A party thrown by Peter. Ewww."

Toby and Clara glance at each other, not sure what to say.

"This is great," says Manny. "I get dumped, I don't get to ski, and I can't go to this party because the person I hate the most is going to be throwing it."

"Well, you couldn't ski anyway. The snowstorm's a definite now. I think they said it'd start at around three," says Toby.

Manny crosses her arms. "I had this whole romantic picture in my head for this trip, and...none of it, absolutely none of it, came true."

"There's still time for romance," says Clara. "I mean, Nate. You guys looked pretty cozy."

"Yeah, but...," says Manny, looking over at Toby.

Toby frowns at the mention of Nate's name.

"So you should definitely go," says Clara. "He's cool. He'll be there."

Manny shrugs. "Okay. This trip can't get any worse."

"I think we should go too," says Toby quickly to Clara.

"What?" exclaims Clara. "We're not invited."

"I'm sorta friends with Danny. It wouldn't be a problem," assures Toby.

Clara rolls her eyes. Manny's sure she wanted more alone time with Toby, that or she wanted her and Nate to grow closer. She liked Nate alright, but she wasn't ready for anything big, not yet.

"Then I'll get ready," says Clara, starting up towards her room.

Manny and Toby stare after her, Manny letting out a sigh of relief.

"And I thought I was a persistent matchmaker," says Manny, laughing.

"Yeah, I picked up a vibe," says Toby. "Clara can be...pushy."

Manny nods. "But it'll be nice having you around...I mean, you and Clara. Emma's abandoned me, so I could use friends around."

Toby smiles at her, then she remembers all the thoughts that came to her in the washroom. She had to tell him that this wasn't going anywhere, that she wasn't ready, that she doesn't want to hurt him or Clara.

"And sometimes friends are too friendly," says Manny, avoiding his eyes. "Toby, I don't...I don't want you to do these things for me anymore. I don't want to get you into trouble with Clara, or ruin our friendship."

"I like doing them," says Toby. "We have fun together."

"We do, but..."

"And Clara's fine. We're not dating or anything."

"Toby...she's not fine," insists Manny. "I don't think she likes me taking up your time. I'm taking advantage of you being super nice. Spend time with her at the party. Don't think of me, alright?"

"I don't want to ruin our friendship either," says Toby.

"Good."

"Don't have too much fun without me," jokes Toby, waving, heading after Clara.

She doesn't take it as a joke, however. It's surprising for her to realize that yeah, she won't have as much fun without him. Manny puts on a smile, which is hard to do.

"Yeah," she whispers to herself as Toby catches up to Clara. "Without him."


	13. Frozen

**XIII. Frozen **

You only see what your eyes want to see  
How can life be what you want it to be  
You're frozen when your heart's not open  
You're so consumed with how much you get  
You waste your time with hate and regret  
You're frozen when your heart's not open  
If I could melt your heart  
We'd never be apart  
Give yourself to me  
You are the key  
Now there's no point in placing the blame  
And you should know I'd suffer the same  
If I lose you, my heart would be broken  
Love is a bird, she needs to fly  
Let all the hurt inside you die  
You're frozen when your heart's not open  
If I could melt your heart  
We'd never be apart  
Give yourself to me  
You are the key  
You only see what your eyes want to see  
How can life be what you want it to be  
You're frozen when your heart's not open  
If I could melt your heart  
We'd never be apart  
Give yourself to me  
You are the key  
If I could melt your heart  
We'd never be apart  
Give yourself to me  
You are the key  
If I could melt your heart

**You Rock My World is the property of Michael Jackson.**

**Desperately is the property of Michelle Branch.**

**"**Incoming gloss!" says Emma, throwing the small bottle over her shoulder.Manny barely catches it. "Don't toss gloss at me."

"You caught it, didn't you?" replies Emma, smoothing out the green satin material of her sleeveless dress. "I look like a cucumber."

"You look nice," argues Manny. "Why the nerves?"

Emma says nothing, sprays a little perfume on her neck. "I'm not...not nervous."

"Sure," says Manny. "Where's Clara?"

"She went down already," informs Emma. "She believes in being fashionably early, I guess. Can't say I'm not relieved. Suppose I should get used to it, though. If Toby and her actually date,she'll be hanging with us."

"That'll be awkward to say the least," says Manny under her breath.

"Whatever makes him happy," says Emma.

"Speaking of happy, Snake doesn't look too well," says Manny. "What's up there?"

"Really? Haven't noticed."

"Yeah, you're too busy stalking Spinner."

"It's not stalking if he likes having me around," says Emma, smiling widely.

Manny opens Emma's jewelry box, shifting different pieces. The image of a charm bracelet with skates on it appears in her mind, the bracelet Craig gave her a couple years ago. Her stomach starts to ache, and she lies down on Emma's bed. She really wasn't up for this party, especially with Peter there.

"I don't want to go," murmurs Manny, settling her head on a pillow.

"Oh, yes, you're going," says Emma, pulling her up. "I'm not going to let you lie here sulking over Craig."

Emma slides on a pair of green heels, takes out a red, sleeveless dress for Manny.

"By the end of the night, you'll be saying Craig who?" assures Emma. "This outfit is totally hot Mom told me to pack for every occasion and to always have a spare."

I wish my mom was there when I was packing, thinks Manny, sadly. Couldn't be helped.

Manny takes it from her, has to admit it's very pretty, would make her look stylish. When did Emma get a sense of style, she thinks with a smirk. Maybe after that bootylicious makeover I gave her.

"Got pumps?" says Manny, shrugging.

"The better to kiss tall boys with," says Emma, giving her a pair of heels.

Emma starts to brush her hair, staring at herself in the mirror, smiling. She looks gorgeous because she feels gorgeous. Manny wishes she felt that way, hasn't for a long time. After the trip to the clinic, she began covering up more, an instinctual move so that people wouldn't notice her. Her parents never saw her wear anything but her casual clothes, and she'd managed to hide the revealing clothes from her father, until that one day when J.J. was looking for a bus pass._"I know it's in here, Manny!" shouted J.J. , walking into her room, heading for the drawers. _

"J.J., if it was in here, I'd give it to you," said Manny, hoping that she honestly hadn't misplaced it.

"I come home once a month to a sister that steals my stuff. Just great."

"I only used it that one time to meet J.T."

"You still dating that goober?"

"Just get out of my room!"

J.J. started opening drawers, Manny trying to push him aside. Too bad he was stronger than her, the result of playing basketball when he wasn't working. Manny wished he wouldn't find them, but he was getting closer and closer.

"I don't have your stupid bus pass!" exclaimed Manny.

"Manuella, Joseph," called their father, appearing in the door frame. "You're making too much noise. What's the problem?"

_"Dad, he won't leave," complained Manny. _

J.J. opened the last bottom drawer, Manny's heart racing. He pulled out two pairs of thongs, a stomach-bearing shirt, a lacy top, all the things she'd worked so hard to hide. J.J. whistled, twirling a thong in his hands.

"This is a problem," said J.J., shaking his head at Manny.

Manny felt sweat flowing down her back, met her father's cold stare. And Mom's not home, she thought.

_"Uh...I'm going to the gym," said J.J., obviously looking to bail out of the tense room. "I'll get a ride." _

Manny watched him go, wanting to go with him, or at least find that bus pass and get out of there. Joseph Santos calmly closed her door, picked up the clothing, his eyes fixed on them.

"Dad...um...these clothes...they're...," stammered Manny.

"Are these yours, Manuella?" asked her father.

"I can explain. See...," began Manny.

"I said are these yours?!" yells Joseph, his voice filling the room.

Her face fills with tears, and she wiped them hurriedly, not responding.

"Get your scissors," ordered Joseph, quietly.

"Why?" demanded Manny."_They're just clothes." _

"If they were only clothes, why would you hide them from me? Huh?" shouts Joseph. "_Respectable girls don't wear these things. Show off their body to these bad boys." _

"I didn't want to hide them," said Manny, choking on her tears. "I don't want to."

Joseph goes to her desk, picked up the scissors, began to cut the clothing.

" 

_"Don't!" said Manny.__"I don't even wear them anymore."_"_So you won't need them," replied Joseph. _

"That's not fair!" cried Manny. "_Dad, can't we talk about..." _

"No," interrupted Joseph.

_Joseph finished cutting, threw the scraps in the trash, couldn't look her in the face.__"I won't have a daughter that wears things like that," said Joseph, turning his back to her. "You have to learn to respect yourself. You're hurting yourself more than you are me." _

Hurting him? That was the last thing she wanted to do. Manny could tell he wouldn't look at her the same, a hard realization to take in within a couple seconds. He told her she was beautiful, thought she was. How could that idea of her fall so fast? She had to make him realize that she hadn't changed, that the view of her shouldn't change.

"Or you could learn to respect my decision!" spoke up Manny. "I've worked...worked so hard to be better this year. I want you to be proud of me, proud like you are with J.J."

"Respect goes both ways, Manuellita," said Joseph. "J.J. respects the rules of this house, the beliefs of our church, his father."

"I do respect you!" insists Manny. "I come home on time. I do my chores. School's hard for me, but I try. Why can't...why can't you see that I try?"

"You have to earn respect, Manuella," replied Joseph, taking the trashcan, heading for the door.

"Dad..."

"Talk to your mother," says Joseph. "I can't...can't be in this room any longer."

Joseph leaves her, cold air touching her arms as he shuts the door. Manny let out a low moan, curling up on her bed. She cried for what seemed like hours. J.T. called for her around five, but she told her mom she didn't want to speak to anyone. Joseph disappeared for the rest of that day, until late that night. Part of her thought she should've seen this coming, but the bigger part of her thought it could blow over. This was the same man who told her she was beautiful, helped a tadpole have a cleaner home so it would grow, provided her with food and shelter. Their conversations shrunk, until she couldn't bare to be in the same room with him, thinking it should be different, might've been different if J.J. hadn't found that drawer. People at school never saw this. They put her down for the Craig situation, but it wasn't as painful as this.

Emma yanks Manny's hair.

"Owww!" shouts Manny.

"You were gone," says Emma. "Come back to planet Earth and get dressed."

Manny nods, starts unbuttoning her shirt. Emma's phone goes off. The ringtone for _Love Shack _bounces off the room walls.

"What?" says Emma to Manny. "I changed it yesterday."

"Not saying a word," says Manny, slipping into the dress.

"Hello?" says Emma into the phone.

Emma blinks at Manny in surprise, hands her the phone.

"Some guy calling for you?" says Emma.

"On your phone?" says Manny.

Manny shrugs, takes the phone from Emma.

"Hello?"

There's dead silence at the other end.

"Hello...this is Manny?"

No response.

"Speak, or else I'm hanging up," says Manny.

Emma takes it from her, clicks it off.

"Probably some prankster," says Emma, checking to see what number is showing. "Hmmm, recognize this number?"

Manny glances at it, her jaw dropping. She knows that number, knows it pretty well.

"I think...I think that's my dad's work number," whispers Manny. "I kinda gave him your number as an alternate awhile back if he couldn't reach mine."

"Oh!" cries Emma, about to push redial. "Let's call him back. It might be important."

Manny stops her, shakes her head. There were times when she couldn't wait to see that number, or their home number, anything from him. But now, with those memories on the brain, with him barely reaching out to her, she didn't want to deal with it.

"If it was important, he would've said something...anything," says Manny, blinking back tears. "Let's go."

"But Manny..." says Emma.

"I'm sick of waiting for him to talk," says Manny, grabbing her room key. "I really am."

II.

There's a steady beeping coming from the office as Craig enters, closing the door behind him. He sees Mr. Armstrong pop an aspirin, watches Snake pace back and forth as a fax machine produces two sheets of paper. Nate, meanwhile, appears normal, trying to figure out a Rubik's cube. This doesn't look good, thinks Craig. Not at all. He stops Snake in his tracks, sees the worry lines on his face.

"Craig," whispers Snake. "Hold on. Just a minute."

Snake presses the speaker phone button on a telephone, is greeted by a shrill female voice.

"Mr. Simpson, are you there? Are _you _there?" cries the voice.

"Yes, yes, I'm here, Mrs. Booth," replies Snake, glancing over at Craig.

"I just sent you information on Nathan's health insurance," says Mrs. Booth. "It's all current, and if those X-rays show any permanent damage..."

"Mrs. Booth, as I told you, the injury isn't that serious. The doctor said...," says Snake, taking a deep breath.

"What doctor?! It better not be one of those mountain men, those healers. I don't want them touching my son. I knew I shouldn't have sent Nathan up there. He's missing out on all the fun because he went to fetch _your _computer."

"Mom," groans Nate. "I'm having fun."

"Not as much as you could be having," argues Mrs. Booth. "And think of all those auditions you'll have to miss because of this incident. And the emotional trauma! I swear if these X-rays are as bad as I'm thinking, I'll sue Degrassi. I will, Mr. Simpson!"

"You're overreacting, Mom," says Nate. "Don't sue my school! Then I'll never get Romeo."

Figures the drama geek would have the overdramatic mom, thinks Craig, as Armstrong hands him a package.

"Ma'am, just please...please," says Mr. Armstrong. "We're sending one of our students now to overnight the X-rays. You'll have them before Nate gets home."

"I better have them," snaps Mrs. Booth. "You better have a good attorney."

They all hear the dial tone coming from the speaker, signaling that Mrs. Booth hung up. Nate pretends to hang himself.

"Well, Craig, now you know why I've been MIA for the most part of this trip," says Snake.

"Yeah," says Craig. "So you need these delivered to the post office?"

Snake nods, hands him some money and an index card. "Overnight it. There's the address."

"It's done," promises Craig.

"And I'm sorry to cut into your last night here, but I trust you."

"Thanks," says Craig, grinning. "No worries. The post office isn't that far away. I saw it."

"Okay, so Armstrong needs to patrol the grounds while I await another phone call from the lovely Mrs. Booth," informs Snake.

"The car's old, but reliable," says Mr. Armstrong, handing him some keys. "It's only checked out on me once."

"Okay," says Craig.

"Wait," says Nate. "Isn't there like a snowstorm coming? Clara said there was."

"It'll hold off," shrugs Craig. "Plus it's only about ten minutes away."

"Plus we really need to get these to her," adds Snake. "I doubt Ms. Hatzilakos will want this on her plate. She's already busy with that pageant."

"It won't be a problem," says Craig. "And Snake, get some rest. If Joey was here, he'd say the same."

Snake rubs his eyes. "I could use a nap."

"And I'll wait until Mom calls...again," sighs Nate.

Craig exits the door, tenses when the phone rings behind him. He waves to Warren, then walks to the parking lot, grateful to see that though the snow is steady, it hasn't stuck on the street. Armstrong's car is immediately recognizable, a Degrassi Panthers bumper sticker on the back. It's colder than he anticipated, considers going to get a heavier jacket than the one he'd just thrown on casually. He unlocks the door, feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Don't go," says Ashley, her breath misty in the air.

"Who told you...," starts Craig.

"I've been waiting in the lobby," explains Ashley. "It looks really bad out here. It's freezing."

"Ash!" exclaims Craig. "Look, don't baby me. It was annoying before you went to England, and it's annoying now. I have to get these to the post office. It's crucial, okay?"

"Fine, then," says Ashley, her lips getting tight.

"Thank you," says Craig, rolling his eyes, getting in.

He's startled when the other car door opens, and Ashley hops in.

"Ash!" he says, as she closes the door behind her.

"The snow's picking up!" cries Ashley, buckling her seatbelt.

"Unbuckle the seat belt," says Craig, politely.

"No," protests Ashley.

"Unbuckle it," repeats Craig, this time more irritated.

"You'll just have to drive with me," says Ashley.

"Why are you so stubborn?" exclaims Craig.

"Because I don't want you going alone," replies Ashley. "Because you could get lost."

"Lost on a ten minute drive?" says Craig, zipping up his jacket.

"That is not a good jacket to be wearing in the middle of a snowstorm. It's too thin."

Craig glances down at his jacket.

"It's not fancy like yours, but it'll do for half an hour," says Craig. "Look, go back inside."

"No," says Ashley. "And you're wasting time debating me."

Craig shakes his head, starts the car. Ashley folds her hands, stares out the window. He adjusts the rear view mirror, but his gaze is fixed on her. It reminds him of all the times he used to take her out, riding around with her in Joey's car. She looked so amazing those nights. She still does, thinks Craig, even with a red nose, and pale cheeks. Craig smiles, puts the car in drive.

"Looks like I'll be driving Miss Ashley," jokes Craig, backing out of the parking space and heading towards the street.

"Yeah, it's the worst thing you'll ever do," says Ashley, half-smiling at him.

"Oh no, there are worse things," says Craig, beaming as they head down the road.

III.

"Halo 2 _is_ the best, dude!" shouts Danny over the blaring music.

Toby looks down at his drink, not entirely sure what it is. Derek said it was Coke, but it smells weird. Clara sipped hers with no questions.

"Not as cool as Tony Hawk's video game," argues Derek.

Clara grimaces. "Those both suck. Right, Toby?"

Toby barely hears her, glancing around the room. It's a loud party, and Peter got a nice turn out despite being relatively new. Alex is doing her best to teach Paige some hip-hop moves, though it appears as if Paige is relieving herself out on the dance floor. He also spies Spinner and Sully, laughing near some speakers. When he greeted Clara at the door, it was odd to say the least.

She was very pretty, wearing a sheer, midnight-blue dress, and low black heels. Simple, but sweet. The problem is he can't help but think of the conversation before he picked her up, the one where Manny said that he was acting too friendly. He would've argued that that was just the way he was, that it felt natural. Maybe it was weirding her out, and he should pull it back. He could honor that.

"Right," answers Toby after a brief pause.

"It's like another world in here," says Derek. "Peter's dad must have serious connections."

That's true, thinks Toby. Peter's room is twice the size of everyone else's, and it was all the way down the hall. It took the promise of doing Danny's history report to get Clara and himself the green light. Peter apparently took a shine to Danny and Derek, probably because the two fluffed his ego every five minutes. Nevertheless, Peter let them in, gave them mystery red cups, and went back to flirting with the grade twelves.

"Hmm, think it's time for a new sound," says Danny, pressing the Open button on the CD player. "The sound system in here is insane."

"Totally insane," echoes Derek, who Toby notes is a little tipsy already..

"I want some more Coke," says Clara. "Toby?"

"No thanks. Still trying to finish this one."

"Coke," chuckles Danny, winking at Derek.

"What's in this?" asks Toby, glaring at them.

"You ain't drinking it," replies Danny. "Chill."

Danny places a CD in the slot, presses play. He shifts through some songs as the others talk. Toby makes a mental note to stop Clara from drinking anymore.

"So Toby, how's it feel to bunk with Manny?" says Derek, nudging him. "Lucky!"

"Seriously. The hottest girl in school," says Danny.

"It's okay," says Toby.

"Have you seen her...you know, naked?" asks Derek.

"Shut up!" exclaims Toby. "It's not like that. We're friends."

"Man, fine. Be the _friend_," says Derek, holding up his hands. "What are you, cerebro?"

"Um, Cerebro's that room in X-Men, putz," says Danny. "It's celibate."

"Dude, be clearer. I'm buzzed. Celewhat?"

"Something you'll never be," says Danny, finding the song he wants. "And now to get the ladies in the mood."

Toby hears a drum kick in, puts down his drink on a table. Emma enters, looking nice in a demure green dress. Guess Manny's not coming, he thinks. Nate wasn't here anyway. He was sort of glad. Why force two people together? Plus she didn't seem that into Nate, or that's what he hoped. She shouldn't jump into anything, right? She'd just broken up with Craig. Still, Manny was usually fairly resourceful. But why hope? They were friends, only friends. Purely platonic. Clara was the one, well, the one who wanted to go further.

"_My life will never be the same  
'Cause girl, you came and changed  
The way ya walk  
The way ya talk _

I cannot explain these things I feel for you  
But girl, you know it's true  
Stay with me, fulfill my dreamsAnd I'll be all you'll need

The door to the room parts more, showcasing Manny, and he can feel his jaw drop. She shines as bright as when she entered the store in the vest, or skating on the ice in the bright sunshine, or underneath the stars, beautiful in a red dress._You rocked my world, you know you did  
And everything I'm gonna give (You rocked my world)  
The rarest love, who'd think I'd find  
Someone like you to call mine (You rocked my world)_

_"_Oh my...," says Toby, his eyes fixed on her.

"Gravy," finishes Danny. "How can it be possible that a girl looks just as good clothed as she does topless?"

"Truly the unattainable," says Derek, sweating, tugging at his collar. "Toby, does she wake up that hot, like everyday?"

Toby nods, dumbfounded.

"Good luck with being friends with that," says Derek, clapping Toby on the back, heading over to Sully and Spinner.

"And don't forget my history project," says Dannyfollowing Derek.

Friends, thinks Toby to himself. Friends...J.T.'s warning...talking with Manny. Ugh, all the thoughts weren't coming together. He can't place them to make sense of what he's feeling.

_Girl, I know that this is love  
I felt the magic all in the air  
And girl, I'll never get enough  
That's why I always have to have you here, hoo_

_You rocked my world (You rocked my world)_

Clara returns, a new cup in her hand. She puts the cup down, waves a hand in front of Toby' s face.

"Hello?" she says, giggling. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"No...I'm...I'm okay," stammers Toby. "You want to dance?"

"I'd love to," says Clara, smiling, leading him to the floor.

As they walk, he sees Manny flop down on a couch, appearing sadder than usual. He thinks about going over to check on her, but no, no, he said he would pretend to ignore her, which was pretty much impossible for him to do. Clara sees the direction of his gaze, shifts her eyes.

"Notice something you like?" asks Clara.

"Yeah...yeah," says Toby, looking her in the eye.

"Good," says Clara, wrapping her arms around his waist, holding him closer.

Toby's so close to her he can feel her heart beating through her dress. He only wishes his own was beating as rapidly. Clara kisses his cheek, staring at the wall behind Toby's back. He instinctively peers at Manny, crossing her legs, obviously uncomfortable. He gives her a small wave, which he's thankful she returns.

IV.

"The post office clerk was totally flirting with me," says Craig, taking Armstrong's keys out of his pocket.

"No she wasn't," laughs Ashley, zipping up her coat.

"Hello, the offer of extra stamps," says Craig, unlocking the car. "She wanted me."

"Not even," says Ashley.

They both climb in, Ashley thankful that the storm had held. Sure, it was still snowing, but they'd make it back in time before it got really bad.

"Snake's in the clear and we are too," asserts Craig. "To be honest, I wasn't sure we were going to make it in this hunk of junk. Degrassi must not pay very well."

"What a pity for Armstrong,' says Ashley sarcastically. "My heart breaks for him."

"I bet he and Hatzilakos are hooking up," says Craig, driving down the street..

"No way!"

They drive for a couple minutes, Craig offering possible scenarios, which causes Ashley to laugh harder.

"Principal and coach having a steamy affair. Meeting in the smoky teacher's lounge for an afternoon of fun."

Ashley stares at the front of the car, shrinks back in her seat.

"Speaking of smoke," says Ashley. "Craig, there's smoke coming out of the hood!"

Craig stops the car, looks forward, smacks his lips.

"Why me?" complains Craig, getting out of the car, popping the hood.

Ashley rolls down her window, peeps out at him. Thick blankets of snow meet her face, and the sky has sufficiently darkened, to the point where she can only make out Craig's hair.

"Do I need to call someone?" shouts Ashley.

"We could go to the post office, and call," says Craig.

"They're closed, remember?" says Ashley. "Or were you too busy flirting with the lady to notice she left after we did?"

"Got a cell?" asks Craig.

"Yeah, hold on," says Ashley, dialing. "I remember the contact info in our information packet."

"Alright," says Craig.

"Never mind," says Ashley, staring disgustedly at her phone. "The connection's all screwy. Must be these mountains."

Craig slams down the hood the car hard. He rubs his hands together, hops back in the car, tries to start it. Ashley just hears a light whirring, then nothing.

"My connection's screwed too," says Craig, after several attempts on his own phone.

"We could walk back," says Ashley.

"In this storm in the dark?"

"Good point."

Craig nestles back in his seat, rubs his hands together again. A full five minutes passes without them talking. What Ashley wishes is that the dialogue would come as easy as it did before they left for England, that the issues they had to deal with would disappear. But she knows it's too thick, that maybe silence is easier at present. Craig coughs.

"Here," says Ashley, taking off her scarf, wrapping it around his hands.

"Thanks," says Craig.

He blows out quick breaths, gazing out the windshield. Ashley bites her lip. Ten more minutes go by, Craig rocking back and forth. She wishes the car worked. Then they'd have a little heat.

"Is that helping?" says Ashley, nodding towards the scarf.

"Yeah...no," admits Craig. "Really cold."

"We have to do something," says Ashley. "You'll get sick."

"Like what?" says Craig.

Ashley reaches for the car door lock. "I'll flag someone down."

Craig pulls her back, difficult with the scarf over most of his hands.

"You crazy?" exclaims Craig. "You'll get attacked by some perv."

Ashley massages her forehead. "So now what?"

Craig lays his head against the headrest, breathing shallowly. Ashley knows he's getting worse. Goosebumps line his neck and she's guessing they've extended over other parts of his body. The amount of first aid she knew would make no one jealous. Still, she begins pulling off her coat, places it over him.

"Keep your coat," says Craig through heavy breaths.

"No," says Ashley. "I've got on thermal underwear. Not sexy, but warm."

Craig manages a smile, starts to shiver violently.

"Hold on a little longer," says Ashley, taking his hand in hers.

His hands are frigid, and Ashley feels like she's touching an ice cube rather than his skin. She knows she can't panic, or else he will too. Feeling his forehead, it's more cold than his hands. Craig gasps, shuts his eyes, continues to shiver. She wishes Joey, Snake, any adult was here. To her discouragement, another twenty minutes goes by. Clumps of snow surround the car, and judging from the height of the snow on the side, she knows it's going to be a longer wait if she doesn't do something. Craig becomes less mobile, until his eyes shut for over a minute.

"Craig...Craig, can you hear me?" shouts Ashley, hugging him, offering what little heat she could.

Craig responds with a low groan, dropping his head into her chest.

"I can't do anything," cries Ashley, helping to lay him down across the seat.

She gets out of the car, shielding her eyes from the blistering snow, leans against the car. What am I going to do, she thinks. Tears fall down her face as the cold overpowers her own body, and she remains paralyzed.

Suddenly, she hears the honk of a horn, a blaring light cutting through the snow. Charging through the downpour, she waves her hands maddeningly. A red snow plow stops right in front of her. She can make out a rotund man with a thick, grey beard and a camouflage jacket. He hops down out of the plow, heavy black snow boots on his feet.

"What's the story, ma'am?" says the man. "You in the woods without a flashlight?"

"Huh?" says Ashley.

"Oh, pardon. You lost?"

Ashley shakes her head. "We're stranded, sir."

"We?" says the man.

Ashley motions for him to come to Armstrong's car, and they both look in on Craig laying on the carseat, his skin now startlingly pale.

"How long has he been out here, wriggling like a fish?" asks the man.

"Forty-five minutes, I'm thinking," replies Ashley. "Can you help us?"

The man opens the door, puts a hairy hand on Craig's forehead, looks him over.

"Could be worse," says the man. "Primary hypothermia. Brother had it last year...city boy not used to the conditions. Just needs a hunk of wood to squat under and some kindling."

"Uh?" says Ashley.

"Fire and shelter, miss. You from around here? I'm guessing not. My wife Elma can take a look at him. She was a nurse way back when."

"Thanks. We're on a ski trip...up at Red Rose."

"I have acquaintances that work there. Me, I run that little Mountie Museum. Had some of your little friends come up just recently. Emily and Thinner? A moody little girl was with them too, but I forgot her name."

"Thinner? Oh, Spinner? Emma?"

"Yes, Elma liked them something awful. Me, I'm Tom."

Tom outstretches his arm towards Ashley, and she shakes it.

"Also the resident plow man. Already cleared the path from the museum up til here. It's not too far away. We can drop off you and your little boyfriend, and then I'll come back and clear this stretch til I get to Red Rose."

"Um...he can get better there? And you have a working phone?"

"Sure! Plus Elma likes meeting tourists. Get your little fellow and I'll get the car door for you."

Ashley smiles, nods. Well, maybe all their luck hadn't run out. She shakes Craig, and he coughs again. She moves his legs, hoping that he'll pick up that she wants him to stand. He does, but stumbles all the way to the front seat, where Tom has wrestled up a blanket. Ashley scooches in with the two guys, though it's a tight fit.

"You guys from the city?" asks Tom.

Craig sneezes, droops his head on Ashley's shoulder.

"Yeah," answers Ashley. "Toronto."

"Then this has to be foreign for you," says Tom. "The cold must bother you a lot."

Craig maneuvers his head until it's right under Ashley's neck, and she smiles. They weren't kissing, but it's the closest she's felt to him all trip. She puts an arm around his shoulder.

"It's not so bad," she says.

V.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" shouts several people as Peter downs a whole cup of "Coke."

Peter downs it, weaves a little on his feet.

"Woo!" congratulates Derek and Danny, pumping their fists in the air.

Some party, thinks Manny. It'd been about an hour and she already wanted to leave. She looks over at Emma, who is chatting with Spinner. Now and then, he'd touch her waist, and she'd smile at him shyly. Manny didn't want to think where Darcy would say if she saw it.

The only other person she could talk to was off limits. Toby and Clara were still on the dance floor, ignoring the chugging competition. It was so like Toby to focus on her, treat the girl he liked with respect. Why couldn't Craig do that? Or any guy for that matter? The good ones seem to be in small supply.

Clara giggles, pressing her chest closely into Toby's. Manny chews a fingernail, not at all thinking about damaging it. The sight of Clara being that close unnerved her for some reason. Because he's shy, thinks Manny. She shouldn't be all up on him. She's so pushy. She doesn't remember him and Kendra ever dancing like that.

Spinner and Emma approach her, Emma tapping her watch.

"We're leaving," she says.

"But...," starts Manny. "Fine. I'm going with you."

"Um, no," says Emma. "Go mingle. Spin and I are going for a walk."

"A walk where?" questions Manny. "And you're calling him Spin?"

"A walk somewhere," answers Emma. "Stop getting all up in my grill."

"Grill?" cries Manny. "Who still says that? Em!"

Emma and Spinner smile at each other, heading for the door.

"Pod person," mumbles Manny. "I liked her better when she was protesting GM foods."

Manny lays back on the couch, sees that Toby and Clara have left the floor. I wonder where they went, and I wonder why I care. It doesn't take long for her to figure it out. Toby sits down on the other side of her.

"Pretend I'm ignoring you," says Toby. "Clara went to the washroom."

Manny laughs. "I think that wave before counted as communication. Oh, well. Nate's not here, so I guess you'll do."

"You're stuck with me," says Toby.

"Better you than Em. Can't figure the girl out. She goes from cause girl to blonde bombshell to cause girl to Lil' Kim."

Toby chuckles. "At least you're consistent."

"I'll take that as a compliment. Speaking of compliments, I saw you out on the dance floor. You can move, Toby."

"Surprised?"

"Yes, very impressed. Nice rhythm and everything."

"Well, anything's more impressive than our last dance together, last year. At semi-formal, with me, basically bugging you."

Manny nods. "You're not bugging me now. Things have changed. You've definitely changed."

"Yeah, not as desperate."

Manny smiles. "Not just that. There's something else."

"Something else?" says Toby, his brow wrinkling.

"Mhmm."

"What?"

"I don't know," confesses Manny. "Just something."

It is something, but the words aren't coming to her. Maybe he's matured. He certainly wasn't the same Toby who desperately asked her for a date last year, or the same Toby who made himself unnoticed and didn't try out for anything. As vice president, he stood out more and more, and whatever happened with Kendra wasn't getting him down. She was hoping that her father's non-speaking call wouldn't get her down, but it has.

"What's wrong?" asks Toby, seeing her face fall.

"My dad...he called," says Manny.

"Isn't that good? I mean, you haven't spoke to him for awhile now."

"He didn't say anything...some talk."

"It's gotta be hard," defends Toby. "It's not easy for dads...well, guys in general to tell you their feelings."

"Maybe," says Manny.

"Maybe next time you guys can talk," says Toby.

"We'll see," says Manny, dismissively.

The chugging competition ends, with Peter collapsing in a chair, catching his breath. The music switches from a fading hip-hop song to a guitar-driven, medium-paced song.

"I wonder if...if I could ignore you on the dance floor," says Toby.

"That would be interesting," laughs Manny.

"We could try."

Manny sighs. "I hope you don't think I'm pitiful. I must look pretty depressed."

"It's not a pity dance," says Toby. "Promise."

She grins, puts her hand in his. "Lead the way."

They rise from the couch, heading to the dance floor. Manny looks around, but no one is paying attention to them. She wagers everyone else is too buzzed, or too preoccupied with their own partying to pay them much mind. Plus, the majority of them knew her and Toby were friends, so what would be weird about it?

Yeah, what would be weird about it, repeats Manny in her mind. It's a little weird wrapping her arms behind his shoulders. It's a little weird looking into his eyes. It's a little weird liking it. It feels warm, safe, the opposite of what she felt after being dumped.

"You can...you can put your arms around my waist...if you want," says Manny.

Toby nods, puts his hands on her waist. They feel soft, but sure.

"How am I doing?" asks Toby.

"Good...good," whispers Manny, assuredly.

Music fills her ears, a sweet melody. It all seems so effortless, and there's no distance, only this light feeling in her chest. Manny looks in his eyes again, her cheeks burning.

_Something 'bout the way you looked at me _

_Made me think for a moment,_

_That maybe we were meant to be_

Manny gives him a small smile, Toby beaming. She's glad this is a slower song, that her body moves in synch with his.

_Living our lives seperately_

_And it's strange that things change_

_But not me wanting you so desperately_

There were other dances, when they never hung out, the semi-formal where he was dating Kendra and she was with J.T., and the last year, where she pushed him off on Emma. That seems like such a stupid thing to do now, considering all he'd done for her.

_You looked my way and said "you frustrate me" _

_Like you're thinking of lines and times_

_When you and I were you and me_

_We took our chance out on the street_

_Then I missed my chance_

_And chances are it won't be coming back to me_

It strikes her that this is truly the first year where she spent any real time with him for longer than a day. J.T. or Emma basically made up their foursome, with her going off with Emma, and him going off with J.T. She thought it a shame, some missed opportunities where the two of them could've connected sooner. Well, that was the past, thinks Manny.

_Why can't I ignore it? _

_I keep giving in, but I should know better_

_'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me_

_And it strange that things change_

_But not me wanting you_

Manny offers him a welcoming smile, is shaken because when Toby smiles back, her gaze into his eyes remains frozen. She has to admit that it's a nice kind of frozen, her senses heightened, the music swelling,. It's a gaze of familiarity, something she's used to, and a gaze of shock, for things she's not used to. It takes every impulse, but she lets him go, and he drops his arms.

"I have...I have to go," stutters Manny.

"Okay," says Toby, concern written on his face.

Manny brushes past a few people, not looking back.

_I keep giving in but I should know better _

_I keep giving in but I should know better_

Manny closes the door to Peter's room behind her, wiping some sweat off her forehead. She hopes he doesn't think that that was rude, but how can she explain this? How can she explain-- this gut reaction to confusion.

VI.

The snow continues to fall outside the cabin window, wind blowing against the pane. The Royal Canadian Mountain Police Museum stands on the far right of Tom and Elma's place, a log building with a bear in a mountie hat on the lawn, half of his cardboard body buried in snow. Ashley sits in a chair, gazingly intently at Craig, in a fresh pair of Tom's clothes, on a bed in front of a roaring fire. She goes to stoke the fire some more, her eyes still on him.

She didn't want to appear alarmed, but hypothermia? People died from that, she was sure. What else could she have done to prevent it? She's sure that will bother her the rest of the night.

Elma was nice, immediately fixed a bed up for Craig, and a room for Ashley, in case the snowstorm really got bad. Her memory wasn't too good so she'd called Ashley about five different names, and for Craig, two. But a very nice woman, nevertheless.

Elma switches on the light, fussing with her hair, primarily white with a few hints of blonde.

"How is Chris?" she asks.

"Uh...better, I think," replies Ashley.

"You sweet little kids," says Elma. "It was a good thing Tom found you when you did. Another hour...and well, let's not think about that."

"I was scared," says Ashley. "I put my scarf, my coat over him..."

"You did the right thing, Amy," says Elma. "We're checking the weather reports to see if there's been any changes. You might not make it back tonight, but you can use the phone."

"In a bit," says Ashley. "I want to stay with Craig."

"I'm sure Carl will appreciate it," soothes Elma. "That's his name, right? Carl?"

"Um, yeah," says Ashley.

Elma smiles, shutting the door as she leaves.

"We're up to four names for you," says Ashley, standing over Craig, stroking his arm.

Craig mumbles in his sleep, though Ashley can't figure out what he's saying.

"You had me so worried...more than usual," whispers Ashley. "And I don't mean to nag you. I just care about you a lot."

Craig stirs, eyes still closed.

"I love you a lot... actually," whispers Ashley.

He takes a deep breath, quickly shoots up from the bed, kissing her. Ashley lets the kiss continue for awhile, listening to the wind blow behind her. Then, she lightly shoves him away. Craig's eyes are wide open.

"What are you doing?" says Ashley.

"I don't know," replies Craig.

Craig wipes some sweat from his brow. "I'm warm."

"Then sit back," instructs Ashley, putting the blankets around him again.

"You said...you said it," says Craig.

"Said what?"

"You know..._it_."

Ashley blushes. "What, you didn't know?"

Craig settles back, lets out a deep breath.

"Go back to sleep," says Ashley.

He closes his eyes, peeps at her, then closes them again.

"When I get up, you'll be here? You won't skip out on me?" says Craig.

"No," says Ashley. "I'll be here."


	14. Crazy For You

**XIV. Crazy For You **

_Swaying room as the music starts  
Strangers making the most of the dark  
Two by two their bodies become one_

_I see you through the smokey air  
Can't you feel the weight of my stare  
You're so close but still a world away  
What i'm dying to say, is that_

_I'm crazy for you  
Touch me once and you'll know it's true  
I never wanted anyone like this  
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss__I'm crazy for you, crazy for you_

_Trying hard to control my heart_

_I walk over to where you are_

_Eye to eye we need no words at all_

_Slowly now we begin to move_

_Every breath i'm deeper into you_

_Soon we two are standing still in time_

_If you read my mind, you'll see_

_It's all brand new, i'm crazy for you_

_And you know it's true_

_I'm crazy, crazy for you_

_Show Me Heaven is the property of Tina Arena._

Luckily, all the hallways to her room are quiet so she can think. Manny takes off her heels, her stockinged feet touching the carpeted floor. Turning the corner, she knows she's almost there, but she sees them, giggling over a copy of _National Geographic_. Emma looks up, Spinner doing the same after a couple seconds.

"Hey, Manny!" greets Emma, grinning.

Manny licks her lips, does her best to put on a confident smile. All I wanted was a little privacy, she thinks.

"Hey," she replies.

Spinner closes the magazine. "Dude, did you know there's a whale with a horn on his head? What is it, Em?"

"A narwhal," answers Emma. "They're unfortunately endangered."

"Man, nature's like a freak show," laughs Spin, peering down at the narwhal. "So cool."

"So you guys came here to look at mammals?" says Manny in disbelief.

"Well, we were going for a walk, but Spin didn't believe me about the narwhal, so yeah, had to show him. What are you doing back?"

Manny avoids Emma's eyes, concentrates on the narwhal.

"Wow, it does have a horn," says Manny, taking the magazine from Spinner.

"Hey!" protests Spinner.

Emma glances at Manny suspiciously, and Manny hopes she's not able to detect the nerves running throughout her body. Apparently, she does.

"I think we should call it a night," she says to Spinner. "We do have to travel tomorrow."

"Oh alright," says Spinner, immediately getting up. "Um, well, I'll see you guys."

"Tell Darcy I said hi," says Manny, noticing the two of them beaming at one another.

"Uh...yeah," stammers Spinner, walking quickly down the hall.

Emma shoots Manny a cold stare. "Was that necessary?"

"You tell me," replies Manny.

"Have a better idea," says Emma. "You tell me what's going on."

Manny opens her purse, feels for her room key. It's taking longer than she wants to find it, and with each passing moment, she can feel Emma breathing down her neck, anxious to hear what the story is. The problem is she doesn't even know what the story is. When did it all turn so complicated? This was Toby. Toby, the guy she hung out with on a semi-regular basis. Toby, the guy that usually made her feel comfortable. This isn't Craig or Sully. This isn't right, she thinks.

"Did Peter bother you again?" prods Emma.

"No," says Manny.

"Did Craig show?"

"No."

"What is it then?"

She didn't want Emma to know, especially when she didn't know what was going on. However, maybe Emma could help her make sense of it all.

"Em...," she begins. "Never mind."

Emma sighs, drags Manny into her hotel room, flips on the light. She shuts the door, and they both sit on the bed.

"We're best friends, so you can tell me," says Emma.

"It's hard to explain," says Manny.

"I can help," offers Emma.

Manny takes a deep breath. Well, with her parents gone, she has no one else to confide in, and Emma was there for her during the whole video scandal.

"Okay...there's this guy that...makes me feel nice," says Manny.

"Manny, that's great!" exclaims Emma. "Oh, sorry. Go on."

"But...we don't make sense. I mean, not at all."

"Why not?"

Manny strokes the edge of the blanket, looks down. "We...just don't."

"I know what it is," says Emma. "You're embarrassed."

She has to admit that some thoughts of embarrassment did cross her mind. Toby was so different from the other guys she dated, which could be a good thing. She didn't know. She wasn't sure they had enough in common to really work, or if these feelings were just fleeting, with her in need of some comfort or romance. Making Toby her rebound or safety guy didn't appeal to her in the least. He was way too nice for that. And she definitely didn't want to be the subject of more gossip after the release of Peter's video. Why invite Toby or herself into more drama?

"It's done," insists Manny. "Absolutely done."

Emma pats her knee. "Aww, don't do that. I approve of you guys."

"Huh?" says Manny.

"I've been busy for most of the trip, and I understand that you guys got closer, and want to take it to the next level. You don't have to be ashamed of it."

Manny's mouth hangs open. "How could...?"

"He's a good guy, and you need a good guy."

Manny closes her mouth, smiles to herself. "Yeah, he is good."

"And it's not like I don't forgive him for not kissing me, you know," continues Emma.

"Uh...gross," says Manny.

When did Toby and Emma almost kiss? The idea makes her stomach gurgle.

"I hadn't been tested yet...for the STD, so Nate was antsy," says Emma.

"Nate?" says Manny.

"Yeah, you're embarrassed because you like Nate, and he humiliated me in front of the audience for Dracula," says Emma. "But don't worry. I'm over it. Thanks for being considerate of me, Manny. I really appreciate it."

She gives Manny a big bear hug, Manny blankly looking at the snow falling fast outside the room's window.

"Anytime, Em," says Manny. "Anytime."

II.

"That's a little too much, Elma," says Tom, rubbing his belly.

Elma scoops out a large helping of potatoes onto Craig's plate, which already has a healthy portion of potatoes, among other food. Ashley smirks. Their dining room is very woodsy, with potted plants scattered throughout, books on the mountains in the drawer, and pictures of wildlife on the walls.

"Nonsense, he's a growing boy," says Elma, slapping down a second helping.

Craig blinks at his plate, politely smiles.

"Thanks," he says, picking up a fork.

"I'm sorry I couldn't drive the plow," says Tom, glancing at Ashley. "They're saying the storm won't end until around six tomorrow morning. I'll take you guys up shortly after if all goes well. When you leaving?"

"Tomorrow afternoon," says Ashley. "Don't worry. I spoke with Mr. Simpson so he's not freaking out."

Craig stuffs some potatoes into his mouth, goes back for more. Ashley puts her napkin into her lap, begins to eat her own meal.

"I'm sure you guys would make some awful pretty kids," says Tom, looking between Craig and Ashley.

Ashley nearly chokes on a piece of meatloaf. Craig carves his meat as if he didn't hear him.

"Honey, don't say that," says Elma, laughing. "Why, they're only friends, they're children."

"Elma, we got engaged around their age," reminds Tom. "What are you guys? Eighteen, nineteen?"

"Seventeen," replies Craig and Ashley at the same time.

"Stop putting ideas into their heads," says Elma. "I'm sure they haven't been thinking about sex."

Ashley can feel her eyes bug out. Truthfully, she hadn't thought that much about it since her return. She basically concentrated on how to avoid Craig, or patch things up with Craig. But once, he kissed her earlier that night, yeah, she has to admit the thought crossed her mind.

"Everybody thinks about sex!" exclaims Tom. "Raging hormones. When I was their age, I was already doing stuff."

This is awkward, thinks Ashley. Very awkward. Craig seemed to be more interested in eating, than in anything else.

"I knew how many kids I wanted, what career I wanted, what car I wanted...," says Tom.

"I want seven," speaks up Craig.

"Seven cars?" says Tom, his brow wrinkling.

"Nope, seven kids," says Craig, reaching for the butter.

Ashley coughs, drops her knife, quickly drinks some water.

"Seven!" cries Elma. "Wow."

"That's a lot of breeding," whispers Tom. "How many do you want, Ashley?"

"Her name's Amanda, dear," says Elma, confidently, adjusting her glasses.

"Uh...like two," says Ashley, peering at Craig.

Craig shrugs, goes back to his potatoes. Did he really want seven kids? I can't pop out that much, she thinks. What does he want– an army, a band, a swim team?

Suddenly, they hear a soft yelping coming from the kitchen, and a minute later, a small grey terrier with a red collar scrambles into the room, starts begging around Ashley's legs.

"Awww," she says, picking him up.

"Eureka!" snaps Elma.

Eureka? What, did she discover something, thinks Ashley.

"Bad dog always begging," sighs Tom. "We lost his mom last year. Little scrapper."

Ashley pats him on the head, and he licks her face. Wanting to be a good guest, she puts him down, goes back to eating. Thankfully, the rest of the conversation during dinner isn't awkward, and Craig manages to scarf down the majority of Elma's cooking.

"Wow, I'm really tired," says Craig, doing an obvious fake yawn.

He gives Ashley a pointed look.

"Oh yeah, so I am," says Ashley, yawning. "Thanks for dinner."

"Yeah, thanks," says Craig.

She sends them off to their rooms with a smile, telling Craig he could stay in the room to the left, closest to their bedroom, and Ashley could stay in the room to the right. They reach the hall, Craig pulling Ashley to the side. He takes out the box of condoms, smiling.

"Tom must've read my mind," says Craig, beginning to kiss her neck.

"Craig!" whispers Ashley. "We can't...in their house!"

"Elma'll probably forget we're even here, and Tom's cool," whispers Craig. "I'll come to your room in a couple hours."

Ashley grins, blushes. "Craig..."

"Please," says Craig. "You know you want to."

"You called me a bad influence once? I think you're the bad influence," says Ashley, playfully shoving him. "And no."

She goes to open the door to her room, but then looks back.

"You really want seven kids?" she asks.

"Maybe," replies Craig, smiling at her. "But we'd have to, you know, practice before all of them."

Ashley walks to him, pulls him closer, about to kiss him.

"The answer is still no," says Ashley, shoving him again.

Craig groans. She retreats into her room, laughs.

III.

Toby checks his watch, starts wandering around the room. Clara had been gone for at least twenty minutes, and he isn't sure where she is. This whole night has been confusing. Manny ran away from him, Emma hung around Spinner all night for whatever reason, and now Clara had vanished. Paige, clearly one of the few sober people there, walks to him.

"Okay, hon, your little geeky girlfriend is flailing around outside the door after Alex and I practically dragged her out of the washroom," informs Paige. "Never drink from the mystery red cup."

"Thanks," says Toby, walking past her.

Toby opens the door, and indeed, Alex is trying to prop Clara up the best she can. Clara hiccups.

"Toby!" exclaims Clara giddily, walking to him in a zig-zag pattern.

Clara falls into his chest, and Toby can barely hold onto her.

"You so owe me," says Alex, drooping Clara's purse over Toby's shoulder. "Ha! Okay, forget it. Seeing you with a purse was so worth it."

Alex heads back into the party, as Toby limps with Clara down the hall. When they pass the lobby, he spies Mr. Armstrong laying on a couch, sound asleep, a bottle of pills on a desk next to him.

"I don't know what happened," says Clara, her speech slurring. "I fell, saw a tile...and was like this isn't my room...this is the washroom."

Clara busts out laughing, Toby shrinking back as the smell of her breath enters his nostrils.

"You okay?" says Toby, wobbling a bit as they reach the halfway point.

"Yeah...yeah...I'm not too bright...but like, I think there was something...in the Coke. But...it's Peter's party...so what girl should trust anything related to Peter?"

Toby nods.

"Look...at Manny...the video...hello, Clara?" says Clara, banging herself on the forehead. "Ouch! Did I crack my skull?"

"No, no, it's fine," says Toby, grateful that they've reached her room.

The mention of Manny's name brings back the memory of their dance. He really enjoyed being around her, maybe a little too much. Perhaps one of the best moments with her was the time she accompanied him to Rick's service. She definitely didn't have to, but she did because J.T. and him weren't speaking. But it wasn't surprising, thinks Toby. Her caring heart wouldn't leave him in the lurch, not like when she left him on the dance floor. Still, that had been a great day.

_"Toby!" yells Kate. "Manny's here!" _

_Toby put on some aftershave, fixed his tie, and went down the stairs. Clad in a white shirt and a black skirt, Manny smiled up at him. She put her hands behind her back timidly. Toby guessed the shyness came from the whole Craig/Ashley thing, her afraid Kate would hate her for that. But to Toby's knowledge, Ashley hadn't told Kate who the girl was who came between Ashley and her boyfriend._

_"Hey," said Toby. "You ready?"_

_Manny nodded. "Yes. Bye, Ms. Kerwin."_

_"Good-bye," said Kate._

_Toby and Manny went into the cool autumn air, their feet crunching the leaves on the sidewalk. He dreaded that day ever since Rick's mother told him about the service, wasn't sure what to say to her about her son that was his friend but ended up severely injuring his stepsister's ex-boyfriend. What do you say to a mother when you think their son commits such a horrible travesty?_

_"How're you feeling, Toby?" questioned Manny, putting an arm on his shoulder._

_"Not so great," admitted Toby. "I'm not sure I want to go."_

_"Then we'll walk in and see how you feel about it," said Manny._

_Toby grinned at her. His closest friend hadn't come through for him. J.T. was probably at home, watching T.V., eating cold cereal in his underwear, but this girl had. Right then, it felt like she was a true friend, not just the girl who hung out with Emma or who was his classmate or the girl who had this humongous crush on Craig._

_"Thanks," said Toby. _

_Once they entered the church, he was surprised to see J.T. had actually showed up. Talking to Rick's mom also wasn't as bad as he thought, him just letting her hug him and cry. Manny went to get a drink of water, a clear attempt to get the boys to talk more._

_"It's cool...that you showed," spoke up Toby after a few moments of silence._

_"I am pretty cool," said J.T., smiling at him. "And...I realized that I was being an idiot."_

_"Oh, yeah?" said Toby. "When did this realization come?"_

_"Manny," supplied J.T. "She talked to me about you, and well, I got the point. She's good that way. Also helps that she's all sorts of hot. Oh, the things we could've done."_

_"J.T...," started Toby, in a warning tone._

_"My bad, we're in church," said J.T., looking up. "Sorry."_

Clara slumps some more, Toby breaking out of the memory just in time to catch her.

"So sleepy," moans Clara.

"Do you need me to help you in?" says Toby.

Clara hands him her room key, yawns loudly. He unlocks the door, sees that Emma isn't in.

"Where's Emma?" asks Toby.

"She said something about going to check on Simpson...after the party," says Clara. "At least...I think she did...wait, that's her dad, right? Because if he isn't and she's going to his room...that's so wrong."

Toby helps her sit on her bed. Clara giggles as he takes off her shoes.

"You're giving those back, right?" laughs Clara.

"Yeah," says Toby, putting them on the side of the bed. "Then I'll let you rest."

"Or you could stay," says Clara, inching closer to Toby.

"No, you should rest," says Toby.

"It's our last night here," says Clara. "I don't want...to botch it...butcher it...you know what I mean."

"You haven't," insists Toby. "I...um, liked tonight."

"Fine," groans Clara. "My head's starting to pound anyway."

Toby lightly hugs her, and she lays back, curls into a ball on the bed. He switches off the light, shuts the door. He did like tonight, but he couldn't tell her the part he liked the most. That would kill her. It certainly was killing him to feel guilty about it.

IV.

Elma puts another comforter on Ashley's bed, closes the gate to the fireplace, a fire now roaring.

"Don't want you getting sick as well, Allison," says Elma. "A sweet, nice girl like you."

"Thanks, Elma," says Ashley. "Really, we appreciate all you've done."

Elma goes to a drawer, takes out a dark green nightgown, hands it to Ashley. It's quite stunning, and Ashley drapes it in front of her, speechless.

"It's not as fancy as that coat you had on," says Elma. "But I used to wear that when I was young."

"It's beautiful," says Ashley.

"Give a call if you need anything," says Elma. "We're right down the hall next to Clint. He's all set up, and you two will be rested."

Elma leaves, Ashley closing the door and changing. She hops into the bed, getting under the sheets. It's warm, very warm. Snow steadily falls outside her window, but she keeps her eyes on the fire. After the scare today, it's nice not to worry about anything. It surprises her when she sees the clock read ten-thirty at one point, and then midnight the next. Wow, has she really been awake that long? She pulls the blanket up to her chest, switches off the light. It doesn't do much to make the room dark since the firelight illuminates most of the room.

The doorknob to her room starts to move, and she sits up.

"Shhh," whispers Craig, putting a finger to his lips.

He wears black sweat pants, and a sweatshirt, on loan from Tom.

"Craig!" whispers Ashley urgently.

"No one saw me," promises Craig, closing the door and sitting on her bed.

"I said...I said no," says Ashley.

"I came to say good-night," defends Craig, patting her knee through the blanket.

Ashley smiles, shakes her head. "Uh-huh."

"What, I can't say good-night? It's a crime now?"

"Where are they?" says Ashley, smirking.

Craig takes out the condoms, smiles giddily.

"I'm...I'm not sure," confesses Ashley.

"We'll be quiet," says Craig.

Ashley rubs her forehead. Ugh, every fiber of her being wanted to. There were all those lonely nights in England, and then that kiss. She nods at Craig.

"I guess I better check the expiration date then," says Craig, looking at the box. "Hmm."

"What?" says Ashley.

"2004...that's not good."

"What did you do, raid from Joey?"

"Are you disappointed?" says Craig, stroking her shoulder.

"No...I mean, a little. I'm kinda ready."

"Too bad," says Craig, reading the box. "Oh wait, now that I read it closely, we're in the clear."

Craig displays the expiration date to Ashley, and she pushes him off the bed. They both laugh softly, then start to kiss, Ashley peeling off Craig's sweatshirt. Craig kisses her shoulder, leans her back on the bed. A loud squeak sounds through the room. Ashley gasps.

"Ariel, are you alright in there?" yells Elma.

"Who's Ariel?" whispers Craig. "Oh."

"Yes!" yells Ashley.

"This bed squeaks," laughs Craig.

"Like bad," agrees Ashley.

"Wanna stop?"

Ashley runs a hand through his hair. "No."

Craig inches down the straps of the nightgown, gently kissing her neck. Small squeaks fill the room every now and then, but not enough for Elma or Tom to hear. Craig drops the nightgown on the floor, stares into her eyes. It feels as wonderful as it did a year ago, in the hotel room, like he can see her better than anyone else, read her better than anyone else.

"I love you," sighs Craig.

"Did you love the old Ash better?" whispers Ashley. "The one before England?"

"No, she's here," says Craig. "I'm looking at her and I love her."

"I love her too," says Ashley, a tear falling down her cheek, touching Craig's face.

V.

Manny shuffles through some Twizzlers, Snickers, breathmints, potato chips, sitting Indian-style on the floor of her room. With the help of a now bent hair clip, she had gotten into the mini-bar. She left the toblerones for Toby, though his basket in the corner was still pretty full.

Yep, she thinks. What she told Emma would be the solution to everything. What happened on the dance floor wouldn't happen again. Things would stay the same. She didn't care, really. In fact, she decided not to wear her robe, but instead, put on some gross-looking pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. Nope, don't care about my appearance, because I'm not trying to attract anyone.

She hears the click of the door, bites into a Twizzler. Toby walks in, waves.

"Hey," says Manny, not looking at him. "All partied out?"

"Something like that," says Toby, heading for his bed.

"Want a Twizzler?" asks Manny, holding the packet out to him, although still not giving him eye contact.

"No thanks," replies Toby.

Manny goes over to the small radio in the room, turns the dial. Light pop music plays on that station, every station, she finds out, sighing.

"How about something from this century!" she remarks in frustration. "I don't like adult mushy music!"

Toby laughs, goes over to her.

"Here, let me see...," begins Toby, his hand touching hers as he reaches for the dial.

Sweat starts to form on her palms, and she wipes them on her pajama bottoms.

"No!" protests Manny, yanking her hand back. "Um...when in Rome, do as the Romans do, or whatever. I can...I can listen to a couple songs."

Manny walks back to her spot on the floor, sits, opens a Snickers.

"Okay," says Toby. "Umm...are you okay? You're not looking at me, which is weird...considering the first night I did the same thing...and then..."

"Maybe you should put the heat on...I mean, the fireplace," stammers Manny. "Can you do that?"

"Uh, sure," says Toby, going over to press the switch. "Going to change after that."

Manny swallows a lump in her throat, watches Toby's backside as he enters the bathroom. Cool it, Manny, she thinks. This is like the first night, and he got over it. I can get over it.

Ten minutes later, Toby comes out, puts his other clothes in his suitcase.

"I don't think Armstrong's checking tonight," says Toby.

"Why not?" says Manny.

"When I was with Clara, I saw him passed out on a couch."

"Guess students aren't the only ones who party."

"Nah, he looked more tired than drunk."

"Oh."

She had hoped that Mr. Armstrong would catch them, send Toby somewhere else. But no, she has to get over this. Why weren't the nerves going away yet?

"So how did things go with...Clara?" asks Manny.

"Umm...she invited me into her room...so okay, I guess," says Toby, joining her on the floor.

"And you didn't say yes, right?" says Manny, finally looking into his eyes. "Because that's so not you."

"No...I said no," says Toby.

Manny hands him a bag of chips. "Good job."

Toby chuckles. "I can hear Danny or Derek bagging on me now for not staying."

"They're losers," says Manny. "It's good that you walked away."

"Well...why did...why did you walk away earlier tonight?" asks Toby. "Did I do something?"

Manny stops mid-bite, lowers the Snickers. She shakes her head.

"It was strange," says Manny.

"Sorry," says Toby.

"No...no, it was me," says Manny.

"Craig flashback? He was your first dance, right?"

"Yeah...yeah, Craig flashback," lies Manny, sniffling. "I'm all screwed up, Toby. Don't...don't take it personal."

"We're all screwed up. I just wanted to try and make you feel better."

Manny takes his hand, smiles at him. "You do more than try, Toby."

Toby places his hand over hers, Manny watching the firelight play off the lenses of his glasses. The firelight didn't need to be there for her to feel the warmth of this room, the warmth emanating from him. It's the first time she can focus the whole night, feel the weight of the room. A guitar strewn-ballad, not that dissimilar from the one they danced to, earlier comes from the radio.

_There you go  
Flashing fever from your eyes  
Hey babe_

"Um, Manny...," says Toby.

"Yeah?" encourages Manny.

"I can't...I can't...tell you," mumbles Toby.

"Tell me," says Manny.

"I can't," says Toby, staring at the floor.

_Come over here and shut them tight  
I'm not denying  
We're flying above it all  
Hold my hand  
Don't let me fall_

Manny squeezes his hand. "It's okay."

Toby takes a deep breath. Manny's not sure what she wants him to say, or what he was going to say. She scoots closer to him, puts her other hand on his shoulder. This is something she's done so many times, but her hands feel like this is the first touch. Her heart beats faster.

_You've such amazing grace  
I've never felt this way_

"Toby, what if...what if I can't explain it either?" whispers Manny.

Toby looks up, laughs nervously. Manny smiles, eyes on his lips. She touches his face, looks into his eyes.

"I don't want a pity kiss," whispers Toby.

"It's not a pity kiss," says Manny, leaning in. "Promise."

_Oh, show me heaven, cover me  
Leave me breathless  
Oh, show me heaven please_

She presses her lips to his, moving her mouth with his, gently at first. The kisses grow more intense, Manny's forehead pushing up his glasses. Toby takes them off, keeping his lips on hers. It's nothing like she thought it would be, and she's thankful for that. It was tender, sweet, then passionate, engaging. He kissed with his whole body, his whole heart, something that catches her off-guard. Her hands shake, as she puts her hand behind his back. Toby steadies it with his hand, then holds her to him.

_Here I go  
I'm shaking just like the breeze  
Hey babe  
I need your head to steady me  
I'm not denying  
I'm frightened a much as you  
Though I'm barely touching you_

Manny breaks away, lays her forehead against his, catching her breath.

"Maybe we shouldn't...," whispers Toby, tracing her cheek.

Manny finds his lips again, forcing him to be quiet.

_I've got shivers down my spine, and it feels divine  
Oh, show me heaven, cover me  
Leave me breathless  
Oh, show me heaven please_

Their lips stop moving, Manny's face growing hot. It had to be twice the heat she had after kissing Craig or Spinner, maybe because they didn't put one hundred percent into it like she did.

"Wow," says Toby.

Manny rises, furiously running her hands through her hair. I totally went against everything I said, she thinks. But it felt so good, too good, more than good. Toby stands, looks her in the eye.

"We should go to bed?" suggests Toby. "I mean, you in yours, me and mine."

Manny turns her back, crosses her arms. "Okay."

Toby walks to the light switch, shuts it off. Manny stands in the darkness, hears Toby slip under his covers. She heads for the washroom after turning off the radio, shutting the door gently behind her.

What have I done, she keeps repeating to herself in her mind. What have I done? Am I leading him on? Do I want this? Can I take this? She cries to herself, sitting on the toilet, touching her lips. It's the last thing she wanted, and everything she wants.

VI.

Toby's eyes flutter open, not sure where to look first. He stayed awake at least until two, then fell asleep. Sometime during the night, he thought he heard Manny go to her bed, and he wasn't sure how much sleep she got.

That kiss. True, all he had to compare Manny to was Kendra, except for that pretty okay with Hazel. Still, nothing could match that kiss. It didn't feel like a kiss of sympathy or thanks; it felt like a kiss. A mutual kiss with something buried underneath. Well, he knows he has to face her.

Putting on his glasses, he sees the bed's been made, her suitcase is gone. Needless to say, that's the last thing he wanted to see first thing in the morning, and something he was unfortunately expecting.


	15. To Have and Not To Hold

**XV. To Have and Not To Hold**

_To have and not to hold_

_So hot yet so cold_

_My heart is in your hand_

_And yet you never stand_

_Close enough for me_

_to have my way_

_To love but not to keep_

_To laugh not to weep_

_Your eyes they go right through_

_And yet you never do_

_Anything to make me want to stay_

_Like a moth to a flame_

_Only I am to blame_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_What can I do_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_I go straight to you_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_I've been told_

_You're to have_

_Not to hold_

_To look but not to see_

_To kiss but never be_

_The object of your desire_

_I'm walking on a wire_

_And there's no one at all_

_To break my fall_

_Like a moth to a flame_

_Only I am to blame_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_What can I do_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_I go straight to you_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_I've been told_

_You're to have_

_Not to hold_

_You're to have not to hold_

_You're to have not to hold_

_Like a moth to a flame_

_Only I am to blame_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_What can I do_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_I go straight to you_

_Ba ba da ba ba ba_

_I've been told_

_You're to have_

_Not to hold_

_You're to have not to hold_

_You're to have not to hold_

_You're to have not to hold_

Manny fumbles with her suitcase in the darkness, after having unlocked the door, then closing it lightly. She sets the suitcase next to the bed, kneels down, poking her through the sheet.

"Emma!" whispers Manny, urgently. "Emma, wake up!"

Emma squirms, puts a pillow over her ear. "Mmmm."

"Emma!"

Manny shakes her a little. Emma raises one eye, moans.

"Manny!" exclaims Emma.

"Shhhh," says Manny, glancing over at a dark figure on the other side of the room.

Luckily, Emma's outburst hadn't woken Clara up. She is glad she can't see Clara; she's not sure she could face her, or anyone else for that matter right now. But Emma was the only one she could talk to.

"Warren lent me a key," says Manny. "Sorry."

"How'd you...?" starts Emma.

"I told him you had my birth control," shrugs Manny. "He got all red and stuff. Yeah, but anyway...can we talk?"

Emma grabs her pillow, slides on her slippers. They go out into the hallway, leaving Manny's suitcase, and head down to the lobby, where Manny's relieved to see only a couple staff workers behind the desk.

She can't believe how complicated things had gotten in one night, or maybe it was happening before but she didn't pick up on it. She didn't sleep afterwards, couldn't sleep. First, she would think about all the thoughts that ran through her head when their mouths met, and she'd get this overwhelming sense of joy, like seeing the first fireworks go off in the sky. Then throughout the night, there came this sense of dread, as if she'd damaged something so precious to her. All this awkwardness would come into the picture where there was only comfort before. All this talk about not ruining their friendship, and she basically made the first step to undo everything. Well, in all honesty, he had kissed her back, so it's not like it was all on her shoulders. Ugh, if she didn't say anything to anyone, she knows she will burst.

Emma ties her robe tight, clearly a little weary about walking down this early in the morning in her bedclothes. They sit at the foot of the steps.

"What is it?" asks Emma.

Manny folds her hands together, looks straight in front of her.

"You can't drag me out of bed, and not say anything," complains Emma. "Come on."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," says Manny, softly. "I...I don't even believe it."

"Okay...definitely intrigued now," replies Emma, raising her eyebrows.

"I think I made a mistake," says Manny.

"Oh my...oh my...Manny!" cries Emma, fanning herself. "Are you...are you pregnant again?!"

"What?" shouts Manny. "No! Em!"

"The last time you were this out of it, you were," whispers Emma. "Sorry."

Manny walks to a floral display, her eyes tearing up. Emma follows her, hugs her from the side.

"I'm sure whatever it is, it's not that bad," soothes Emma. "Look, I know you're having a bad year with Craig and your parents, and making all these adjustments. But you're doing fine, and you have us. You have Mom, Snake, me, and J.T., and Toby..."

"Toby," whispers Manny to herself, wiping her eyes.

"Yeah, Toby," says Emma. "He hasn't known you as long as the rest of us, but he cares about you. This mistake...does it have to do with your parents?"

"My parents?"

"Because I think you not calling back your dad is getting to you. You look sad, scared, confused, like you want to do something but can't bring yourself to do it."

"This isn't...," starts Manny.

"It's almost like you're secretly happy he called, that you want to reach out to him, though you keep saying you don't, thinking you don't want it."

Manny feels her lips growing tight. It's so strange to hear the words spilling from Emma's mouth. She's assessing her relationship with her father, but also, and this moves her to silence, unknowingly assessing her feelings for Toby.

"It's okay to be confused, Manny," continues Emma. "You can have more than one feeling at the same time for someone. You can sort it out."

Manny opens her mouth to speak, but Snake, clad in a heavy black coat and jeans, walks towards them, his eyes deeply red. An expression of concern crosses Emma's face.

"Snake, you told me you were going to get some sleep," chastises Emma.

"I did...an hour's sleep," says Snake. "Manny, you seem a bit tired too."

Emma glances at Manny, puts an arm around her shoulder.

"She...was, um, just so excited after skiing for the first time," says Emma.

"Uh...yeah," lies Manny.

"Toby isn't keeping you up?" says Snake, smirking.

"What...what?" stammers Manny, blushing.

"I finally figured it out," says Snake. "Normally, I'd lay into you, but I can barely keep my eyes open. Plus, I know you two were on the up and up, no hanky panky."

"Oh yeah...the up and up," says Manny, smiling nervously at him.

"Alright," says Snake. "I'm going to go check on the weather, see if the roads have been plowed. We're leaving at two. And Em, maybe you should go cover up more."

"Right," says Emma, wrapping her arms around herself.

Snake goes through the resort's front doors, popping up the hood of his jacket. Emma sighs.

"Going up," she says. "You alright?"

"Yeah," answers Manny. "Just...just give me a few minutes."

Emma nods, heads up the stairs. Manny walks quickly to the front desk, waves at Warren, who is rifling through the reservations book.

"Hey, Warren," greets Manny.

"Miss Santos, hello!" says Warren. "Up early, I see."

"Yes," says Manny, handing him back the key to Emma's. "Um, can I use your phone?"

If she calls from an unknown phone, chances are he won't hang up immediately, will actually say something.

"Certainly," says Warren.

Manny takes the phone from Warren, and he goes back to the reservations book. Taking out her cellphone, she finds the number she's searching for and it rings. Her father picks up after the third ring, answers with a gruff "hello?"

"Dad...it's me, Manny," she says, her heart going fast.

The other end is dead silent for a while, and Manny wonders if she should've done this. Yet another mistake to check off. Toby had told her that guys had trouble expressing their feelings, and Emma had told her that you could have more feelings at once towards someone. They essentially summed up everything she hoped her father felt towards her. Maybe they were wrong.

"What do you need, Manuella?" says Joseph.

The sound of his voice sends chills up her spine. She was expecting a courser response, but he said it politely.

"I don't need anything," replies Manny. "I...I wanted to come over, get some things."

It's a flimsy excuse, but it would allow her the chance to see her family, talk to him.

"What things?" asks Joseph.

"Some...stuff. For school next term," says Manny.

"You can come Friday," says Joseph.

Manny smiles, so much her face starts to hurt. Then, she takes a deep breath, asks the question she really wants to ask.

"Will...will you be there?" she says.

There's another period of silence, but Joseph replies quicker than she anticipates.

"I will be," says Joseph. "Your mother's visiting family. Come at lunchtime so I can let you in."

"Okay...yes...I'll be there," stammers Manny, excitedly. "Bye, Dad."

Her father hangs up without saying anything else, but he doesn't have to in her opinion. If only talking to Toby could go this smoothly, she thinks. Her face falls, Warren noticing it.

"Bad news, Miss Santos?" inquires Warren.

"Oh...no...no," says Manny. "That was a good phone call."

"I'm glad," says Warren. "We're truly sorry about the mix-up and that goes for Mr. Isaacs as well. He seems like a decent guy, though, so hopefully, you weren't too disappointed when a room never came up."

Manny grins. "No...not disappointed...mostly confused."

"Confused, miss?"

"Confused...I'll leave it at that."

"Well, roommates can surprise you sometimes. Just wait until you get to college."

"Yeah, they can definitely surprise you."

II.

The whole bed is in disheveled, but Craig can't say it wasn't worth it. Holding her to his chest all night, watching the sun peek through the shades, seeing her wake up next to him. Yes, he could get used to this.

"Do you think they heard us?" asks Ashley worriedly for the fifth time, buttoning her blouse.

"What? Us breeding?" jokes Craig, sliding one leg into Tom's sweatpants. "Doubt it."

"It wasn't breeding," pouts Ashley.

Craig finishes putting on his pants, kisses her on the cheek. "No, it was beautiful. Are you happy you said yes?"

Ashley beams. "Yes."

Craig takes her hand in his. It seems like ages ago that he was waiting for her to come back, then learning about Ali, silently hating her for that. Still, it appeared that she had run the same gamut of emotions he had after cheating on her with Manny. They had been through a lot together, but in retrospect, it had taught him to care about her more intensely. He was rarely this unguarded with anyone. He's not sure when that openness started to occur. Perhaps after performing Dust, or becoming friends through band, or lying with her on the hospital bed after being told of his bipolar. But it did occur somewhere along the way, and ever since she came back from England, Ashley was opening up more and more as well. It thrills him. He was the only one that knew all about Ali and the shopping and the guilt. That's why the idea that has been floating around in his brain all night doesn't seem so strange, especially with two old crazy lovebirds like Tom and Elma in the next room.

"Let's live together," says Craig.

"Yeah," laughs Ashley. "I'll just get the little money I have left and we'll rent a loft."

"I'm serious!" insists Craig. "We'll be eighteen next year. I'll get my inheritance. That way, we can wake up together everyday."

"Craig, that's a big step!" exclaims Ashley. "We haven't gotten our diplomas. I haven't taken any entrance exams or started looking at colleges. How am I going to pay for college? I don't... it's...this is too much."

"Why? Sean and Ellie lived together last year," points out Craig.

"Ellie moved in as a last resort," says Ashley. "Then she was back with her mom months later."

"Only because Sean left. If it was the two of them, they could've made rent. I know we can find a decent place if we try. We wouldn't have to worry about anyone hearing us. We could play music whenever we wanted. We could get a dog or a cat or an iguana, anything you want."

Ashley kisses him on the lips. "The whole thing sounds very romantic, but..."

"Think about it, and get back to me," interrupts Craig. "Okay?"

Ashley sighs, gives him a small smile. "Okay."

Craig rises from the bed, just before the door to Ashley's room parts and Elma looks in.

"Cameron, what are you doing here?" asks Elma, taking off her glasses and rubbing them on her shirt.

Tom comes up behind her, fully dressed in his outside wear, drinking from a coffee mug. It takes Craig a few moments to realize that yes, he's Cameron. Thankfully, Ashley has most of her clothes on, and he had everything on but his shirt.

"I walked into the wrong room," says Craig, chuckling. "Silly me."

"Well, that happens," says Elma. "Good thing you didn't see Arissa naked. But Tom's got the whole stretch clear for ya'll to get on to Red Rose. I sure am going to miss you two adorable kids."

Elma goes over to hug Ashley, and almost hugs Craig, but stops.

"Put on a shirt, Caleb, and I'll hug you," she says. "Now, get dressed. I packed you some food."

"Thank you," say Craig and Ashley at the same time.

Elma leaves, Tom staring between them, finishing the rest of his coffee. Craig turns red.

"Seven kids? You'll get there, I'm sure," he says, winking at Craig, then closing the door.

Ashley flops down on the bed, shaking her head.

III.

Toby tosses his toothbrush, floss, deodorant, and comb into one of the compartments of his suitcase. It's easier to be in the bathroom, he has to admit. The bedroom is just so silent, empty. It forces him to go over it again and again, coming up with nothing new, nothing clear. He and Manny were always able to talk before, and was that over? Yet, he wouldn't have minded if things changed, if every night was like night. This may've been the hugest mistake ever, he thinks. But it's a mistake he wouldn't take back.

Why was he feeling all these things again? He didn't want to be hurt, like with Kendra. Wasn't he sure that Manny would find someone else eventually, give up on him? Then there was Clara. He didn't want to stomp all over her because she genuinely liked him, and it's not like he didn't like her to an extent. Way to end a trip, Toby, he thinks.

His cellphone goes off as he begins to zip up his suitcase. He picks up, stares out the window at the mountains in the distance.

"Hello?" says Toby.

"Dude, not one call. You can't talk to your best friend for one freakin' moment in three days?" says J.T.

"Hey," replies Toby.

"Fine. Well, while you lived it up on the slopes, I was here checking price tags and reading wrestling magazines. So liven up my life and tell me what went down there."

"Uh...nothing."

"Tobes, you aren't that boring. What about your babe Clara? Did you tap that?"

"You know what...," starts Toby, defensively.

"Alright, alright. Sorry. I'm just bored. Go on. Tell me anything. Make me feel like I was there."

There's no way I can tell him about Manny, he thinks. He'd rag on me for sure.

"Hmm, last night I went to a party. Peter threw it. Me, Clara, Emma, and Manny went and..." says Toby.

"Why would Manny go to a party thrown by Peter?" interrupts J.T. "So Craig could pummel him?"

"Craig and her broke up actually," says Toby, swallowing a lump in his throat.

"Really?" says J.T. "See, Tobes, this is the juicy stuff. I feel bad for her. So of course, you guys were there for her, right?"

"Well, I was," says Toby. "Emma was sorta busy."

"Saving every tree up there no doubt" guesses J.T. "Anyway, back to this party. What'd you do?"

"Danced," replies Toby.

"Is it just me or are you getting more social this year?" says J.T. "Nice going. What did Emma and Manny do? Talk about why Craig should die?"

Toby laughs. "Nah. They were having an okay time. Well, that's after I asked Manny to dance..."

He covers his mouth. Ugh, shouldn't have let that slip out, he thinks.

"That was cool of you," says J.T., apparently not detecting anything. "I bet Clara got jealous, though. That girl seriously, seriously wants you, man. Manny better watch her hair, because I can see Clara going all Jerry Springer on her."

"That wouldn't happen," protests Toby.

"Manny has caused a lot of girls to go off the deep end. I'm just telling you, Tobes. Well, it's not like you and Manny were making out."

J.T. laughs heartily. "Oh, wow. The mental image of that...you and Manny...yeah, too out there."

Toby rolls his eyes. "Why...why would it be too out there?"

"Relax, man," says J.T. "You sound offended. I didn't mean..."

Why didn't J.T. just shut up? Perhaps he was being too sensitive, but he didn't like anyone judging Clara or Manny or himself, even if it was his best friend. J.T. wasn't aware of his feelings, about the situation.

"You know what?" snaps Toby. "We did. Manny and I kissed. We kissed. That exciting enough for you?"

"What!" exclaims J.T. "You're kidding? You're kidding?"

"No, I'm not," says Toby, strongly.

Toby hears a thud on the other end, wonders if something happened.

"J.T.?" he says into the phone.

"Sorry...sorry," stammers J.T. "Dropped the phone. So how did...why did...you kissed her?"

"It was more mutual. She kinda leaned in," says Toby.

"Okay...okay...this is...this is...I don't believe this."

"I had the same reaction."

"You can't spring stuff like this when I'm at work, Toby!" exclaims J.T. "Now I won't be able to concentrate."

"Hello, you called me, J.T.!" exclaims Toby.

"Right...right," says J.T. "Well, was she drunk? On crack? Temporarily insane?"

Toby is tempted to throw the phone out the window. "Of course not!"

"I feel like I'm stuck in some comic book parallel universe, only you're the one getting some much needed action, not me. So what'd you say...you know, after?"

"We went to bed and..."

"In the same bed? Toby!"

"No, we were kinda in the same room."

Toby explains the hotel room mix-up, J.T. listening intently.

"You lucky idiot," breathes J.T. after Toby finishes. "Okay. So is she there?"

"She left sometime this morning, before I woke up," confesses Toby.

J.T. clicks his teeth. "Girls. But I think I'm getting the picture."

"You are?"

"Yeah, she broke up with Craig like two days ago, and you're the rebound guy. Same thing happened to me. She's moving faster these days, I guess. It's best to cut bait and run. You like Clara better anyway so no real harm done."

Toby scratches his head. Yes, he likes Clara, but not on the same level as the girl who darted from their room. Well, since J.T. knew everything else, maybe it's best to tell him.

"I...I like Manny more," stammers Toby.

"No, Toby!" exclaims J.T. "I told you weeks ago that...now, it's all one big...you totally messed this up."

"When she kissed me, I thought...it felt...I can't..."

It felt right, he thinks. So right J.T. would probably never understand.

"She left the room, Toby! What does that tell you? Liberty didn't run out of the room when I kissed her, and I doubt Sean did that to Emma. You're getting in way over your head."

Truly, he wasn't sure what Manny leaving the room meant. He was hoping to find her and talk to her about it.

"I hate to say this stupid cliche, but nice guys finish last, Tobes," says J.T., earnestly. "I don't want you to get hurt. You were really bad after Kendra. Really bad. Can you honestly see a future with her? Honestly?"

He glances around the room. All the warmth from the night before has subsided, only the chilling reality of being alone in there, wondering, wondering what the next step will be. She didn't want to talk about it, to face him, like it should be forgotten.

"No," says Toby, his voice choking a bit. "So what do I do?"

"It's alright, man," says J.T. "Act like nothing happened, like you're okay with it. In fact, make sure she sees you're okay with it. I was way too grumpy after it, then I acted like nothing was wrong and now me and Manny, perfectly normal. Then, I fell for Liberty and it was all good. And you've got Clara, so no worries."

"I can...I can try," says Toby. "We've been friends for years, so...yeah."

Toby hears a sudden crash on the other end of the line.

"Ugh, Mr. McKay caught another shoplifter. Gotta go," says J.T.

"Okay," says Toby. "Thanks...for listening."

"No prob, man," says J.T. "Remember, nothing happened."

Toby clicks off, stares at the mountains some more, wishes he could be that stoic, knowing he can't.

IV.

"Where were you last night?" demands Darcy, chasing Spinner, trying to put on her mittens at the same time.

"Darce, where do you think?" answers Spinner.

Spinner puts his bag in the back of the bus, Darcy's eyes welling up with tears. Manny notices Darcy's face, and throws her a sympathetic look.

"Why'd you go?" asks Darcy.

"You told me to go!" exclaims Spinner.

"Yeah, but like...I meant it sarcastically...like well, yeah, maybe you should go...but I didn't want you to. What, you can't read sarcasm?"

"How can you read sarcasm?" says Spinner. "And anyway, you've been upset with me all trip. I wanted to have some fun for once."

"Well, have fun sitting by yourself on the bus!" shouts Darcy, hopping on the bus with her bag.

"Wait, Darce, let me put your bag on at least," says Spinner, going after her.

Darcy sticks her head out of the bus door. "No!"

"Come on!" yells Spinner, getting on the bus as well.

"The joys of not being in a love triangle this year," mumbles Manny, dragging her backpack to the man loading the luggage.

Then again, maybe I am, she thinks. Ugh, she hopes Clara sits far, far away from her on the journey home. If seeing her figure in the dark in Emma's room caused her discomfort, seeing her for around four hours would be worse. Seeing Toby, on the other hand, she couldn't determine what she'd feel. Taking a deep breath, she gets on the bus. It's relatively empty except for Spinner and Darcy whispering to each other.

Manny sits in the middle. If she had her way, she'd sit alone, ponder on the things that happened on this trip. Why did Craig's absence not bother her that much anymore? On the way up, she couldn't get enough of him. Presently, she wouldn't have cared if she saw him and Ashley together. Why do the events from last night enter her mind whenever it's quiet? She doesn't shudder at the memory of them, or want them to disappear. In fact, they make her smile.

She opens up her phone, finds the picture she snapped of Toby and herself after they went skating. They were both so carefree, enjoying the moment. The image causes her to smile even more.

Hearing footsteps across the bus floor, she looks up. Toby.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," says Manny, quietly, tucking her phone away. "So guess who got busted for the mini-bar? I'm broke thanks to that."

She was hoping that would make him smile, but it doesn't. He looks serious, she thinks. Maybe he has the right to be. She did sort of bail on him, but if only she could explain. Toby sits in the seat opposite hers.

"I'm going to move, but...," begins Toby.

"Why...why move?" asks Manny. "You can stay. We can talk."

"No...I mean, no thanks," says Toby. "I wanted you to know that...that it's okay. Whatever...whatever it was, it's fine. We'll go back to normal."

"Normal?" says Manny. "You...you don't want to talk?"

"I don't think we need to," says Toby. "So...do you still need help paying for the dress? You said you're broke?"

I don't care about the stupid dress, thinks Manny. Why was he brushing her off like this? Did he have as many questions swirling around in his head as she did? And what was normal? She was liking the abnormal more actually, not that she knew what it really was.

"Yeah, I need help," says Manny. "But Toby, I..."

"We can meet sometime, since I have a car and everything," interrupts Toby. "Clara could come along too, maybe give you a girl's opinion."

Like I want Clara there, groans Manny inwardly. Whatever. Be that way, Toby.

"Fine," says Manny, frowning at him. "Thank you."

"I did promise," says Toby.

"Yeah, you did," replies Manny, frostily. "What are friends for, right?"

"Uh...right," says Toby, softly, getting up and going to the front.

Manny stares hard at his back. There's nothing to talk about? There was so much to talk about, and she was willing. Didn't he feel half of what she felt? She thought so after that kiss.

More people start to board the bus, including Craig and Ashley hand in hand. She barely sees them, her gaze fixed on Toby. Clara sits next to Toby, talking to him, laughing with him. Emma comes on next, sighing when she sees Spinner and Darcy together. Plopping down next to Manny, she sets her head on Manny's shoulder.

"I swear, I can't figure out boys," she says.

"Neither can I," says Manny, crossing her arms.


	16. What It Feels Like For A Girl

**XVI. What It Feels Like For A Girl**

_Silky smooth  
Lips as sweet as candy, baby  
Tight blue jeans  
Skin that shows in patches _

_Strong inside but you don't know it  
Good little girls they never show it  
When you open up your mouth to speak  
Could you be a little weak _

_Do you know what it feels like for a girl  
Do you know what it feels like in this world  
For a girl _

_Hair that twirls on finger tips so gently, baby  
Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting _

_Hurt that's not supposed to show  
And tears that fall when no one knows  
When you're trying hard to be your best  
Could you be a little less _

_Strong inside but you don't know it  
Good little girls they never show it  
When you open up your mouth to speak  
Could you be a little weak _

_In this world  
Do you know  
Do you know  
Do you know what it feels like for a girl  
What it feels like in this world_

"So when can I see you again?" asks Sean, before going in for another kiss.

Ellie's back is pressed up against the side of the bus, Sean's body shielding her from the cold Toronto air. It's a total contrast to the make-out session in the hot tub, but she feels just as warm, just as uninhibited. Before this trip, she didn't think she'd get so much as a more than friendly glance from a guy, and now, Sean was back in her life as if he hadn't left.

People mill about on the other side, collecting luggage, locating their rides, talking excitedly about what happened on the trip. She wasn't sure when her mom would show, but it couldn't be that soon.

"Never," teases Ellie, then pulling Sean closer for another kiss.

"This is the shortest relationship ever," laughs Sean, finding her lips again.

"It was good while it lasted," says Ellie, in between kisses.

Sean presses her body more firmly into the bus as they kiss, holding her face in his hands. A small twinge of pain goes through Ellie's body near the top of her waist.

"Whoa, easy," says Ellie, laughing quietly. "Not the best place for this."

"Sorry," breathes Sean, stopping. "You're right."

"I didn't say to stop," says Ellie, leaning back in.

She's not sure if he has any expectations, if she does. All she's aware is how fast her heart is beating, how she's sweating in freezing temperatures. Sean gently rubs her back, kisses the curve of her neck. Ellie sighing a little. She almost feels guilty for enjoying this affection in broad daylight.

"Eleanor Nash!" cries a voice from afar.

Great, now I feel really guilty, thinks Ellie, pushing Sean to the left and viewing her mother heading towards them. Sean wipes his lips, catches his breath.

"Hey...hey Mom," greets Ellie nervously.

Ms. Nash glares at Sean, takes Ellie's hand, making her stand on her side.

"Um, hi Mrs. Nash," says Sean, stuffing his hands in his jeans.

"How lovely," says Ms. Nash, tersely. "I find it very interesting to see you here, Sean."

"Mom!" whines Ellie.

"And you, Ellie," says Ms. Nash, turning to her daughter. "What were you thinking with that little display just now, huh? Show some class."

"It's all my fault, Ms. Nash," says Sean, casting a look at Ellie.

Ellie frowns, shakes her head. She definitely wanted her mother to find out another way. They'd gotten to a point where she could confide in her, tell her about more intimate things. Sobriety had made her mother so much more understanding; it hadn't broken down all their walls, but they'd been chipped substantially. She even told her about her crush on Craig, though her mother had picked up on it before she confessed when she showed up dressed to kill before Diane's sister's wedding.

"Sean Cameron...I just can't fathom...truthfully, you're the last person I expected to be here," says Ms. Nash, angrily shouldering her purse.

Sean looks down, Ellie's forehead starting to ache.

"Mom, can we go?" says Ellie, relieved to see that most of the other students have gone home.

In the distance, she views Marco trying to put his skis in the back of his father's car. He mouths "what?" to her and she shrugs. Marco rolls his eyes, makes his hand a phone and mouths "call me." Ellie nods.

"Sure," replies Ms. Nash. "And I wouldn't bother calling Sean. But of course, that should be something you're used to. That and leaving my daughter in the lurch."

"Mom!" cries Ellie.

Ms. Nash nudges her to the side, Ellie sighing, following her with her bag. She throws Sean one last sorrowful look, and he offers her a sad smile. Getting in, she slams the car door hard, staring intensely at her mother.

"That was a great welcome home greeting, Mom," says Ellie coolly.

"As was him groping you seconds before I got there," says Mrs. Nash. "Do you know what signals you're giving off?"

"A signal that I care about him maybe!" shouts Ellie, putting on her seatbelt. "Making out. Gee, how scandalous."

Ms. Nash turns on the car, backing out of the lot, turning the car out into the street.

"Ellie, what are you doing?" says Mrs. Nash, Ellie noticing that her voice has softened somewhat. "Sean is unaccountable...unpredictable. I know that's attractive at a certain age, but you're only going to get hurt later."

"I can take care of myself," says Ellie.

"No...you just think you can," argues Mrs. Nash. "Didn't I have to come rescue you after he bailed? You had nowhere to turn. You're achieving so much this year...and I don't want some guy from the past to come screw that up."

"Screw up?" says Ellie. "How?"

"Desert you again...get you to cut...get you pregnant. Who knows?"

Ellie takes a deep breath. This is not happening, she thinks.

"We're not...we're not having sex, alright?" exclaims Ellie. "And if we were, I'd be safe. I'm not stupid."

"You may not be doing it now, but if you keep letting your hormones control you...," says Ms. Nash, letting her voice trail off.

She's going to lecture me on screwing my life up? Nope, she thinks. No way.

"You're the last person to talk to me about letting things control me," snaps Ellie. "Considering I was the adult for like half of high school when you let alcohol control you. What, you still don't want me to have a life? Too bad. I'm having one. I can't believe you're pulling the parent card."

Mrs. Nash makes a sharp right, Ellie leaning back in her seat. The car halts abruptly, Mrs. Nash banging the steering wheel hard with her fist.

"Ellie, I'm trying, okay!" cries Ms. Nash, tears brimming in her eyes. "It's...I don't want you to make poor choices. Your dad called and..."

"Dad called? From Kabul? When?" says Ellie, barely able to breathe. "Is he alright?"

"Yesterday...he's fine, just getting stationed somewhere else," says Ms. Nash, wiping away a tear. "And it was so hard...so hard to hear his voice. And you weren't there...I know he's your favorite but...Ellie, I'm trying, alright?"

Ms. Nash covers her mouth, her hands shaking. Ellie unclips her seatbelt, takes her mother's hand in hers. She knows everything her mother has been saying is right, that making poor choices would cost her, that her mother is changing for the better. Only Sean seemed not only more dependable, but trustworthy. They were all mutually better, and she couldn't let her mother put a damper on any of it.

"I miss Dad," whispers Ellie. "That doesn't mean I'm not grateful you're here. But...but I want Sean to be around too. Is that so wrong?"

Ms. Nash sighs. "I...I don't want you around him. Your father wouldn't either. I'm sorry, Ellie, but no, as long as you're with me."

Ellie lets go of her mother's hand, lays her head on the cool car window.

"He's changed as much as you, Mom," whispers Ellie, her eyes watering.

"Frankly, Ellie, I can't imagine that," says Ms. Nash, starting to drive again. "And I have a big imagination."

Ellie sniffles, stares outside at the trees without leaves, bikes resting on their sides, the grey air above. There isn't much to spark her own imagination, no defining moment that says that Sean will stay, won't pull the same thing twice, yet she feel she has enough to hold on, to her and Sean, to a complicated, fresh beginning. She'd conquered awkward new beginnings before, with her mom, her friendship with Craig and Marco, beginnings that had better endings, the relationships still intact. She hopes this one, however, will be the most satisfying of all.

II.

Toby lugs Clara's bag to the back of Christian's car, sliding it in. Clara claps appreciatively, laying her head on his shoulder.

"You have the upper body strength of a tae kwon do master," says Clara.

"Yeah, one that's been kicked around a few times," denies Toby.

"Strong enough for me," says Clara, raising her head, smiling. "And about last night...I...I...thanks, okay?"

"It's fine," says Toby.

"I felt so stupid," admits Clara. "I get all nervous when I'm with you, and...I thought that drinking whatever it was could loosen me up. Bad idea."

Toby's cheeks start to burn. J.T. is right. Clara really did like him. He didn't want her not being herself around him, though.

"The party was a faulty start," comforts Toby. "We'll have more fun next time."

Clara beams. "And when can next time be?"

"Ummm...," says Toby.

Clara wraps her arms around his waist, forcing Toby to look down.

"Excuse me," says a familiar voice to their right.

"Manny!" exclaims Toby, immediately taking Clara's arms from his waist.

"Please," mutters Clara under her breath.

Manny offers them a shy smile, Toby noticing she's doing her best to avoid eye contact with him or Clara. She probably had no idea how awful he felt saying he didn't want to talk. He'd never lied to her before. Not only did he want to talk; he wanted to talk and move forward if she felt like moving forward. There's a slim chance of that, thinks Toby. No, really no chance. This is what is best, remaining friends, keeping cool.

"Hi," says Manny. "There's like this...pageant meeting tomorrow. And...and that afternoon is the only time I'm free this week so...so maybe we can go then."

"Yeah...yeah, I'm free too," stammers Toby. "I'll meet you there."

"And Clara?" says Manny, glancing at Clara.

"Free for what?" asks Clara, giving Toby a puzzled look. "I'll be at the meeting too, if that's what you mean. Doing stuff for AV club."

Toby stares up at the sky. "I'm helping Manny find a dress...for Miss Degrassi."

"Oh," says Clara, scratching her neck. "Didn't know you were such a clothing expert, Toby."

"He' s helping me pay, but he thought it would be good to have a girl's opinion," says Manny.

"Well, I'd probably be the last person to be able to help you out," says Clara. "Besides, Toby seems to be all the help you need."

Clara coldly glances at Toby, heads off in another direction. Toby jogs after her, stands in front of her so she can't walk.

"Toby...it's the job and the skating, and this too?" exclaims Clara. "What...what else is she going to have you do? And you do it so willingly."

"I...I promised before," says Toby.

"And you thought I'd want to go? Toby, you're way too cute to be this thick. Manny and I...not exactly best friends. Why not get Emma to tag along?"

Because that never crossed my mind, thinks Toby. Now that it did, he didn't like it at all, and knew it would be just as uncomfortable if Emma did tag along with them after last night. Manny would spill her guts sooner or later. With Clara, at least, Manny wouldn't say anything, and she'd see yes, that he could move on, that he was more than a rebound guy.

"I don't know," says Toby.

"Do you like her or what?" exclaims Clara.

"What? No...no...I...," stutters Toby.

"One no would do, but you're stuttering," interrupts Clara.

"I like her...but not...it's..."

"She tried something, didn't she?"

Toby is so sick of lying, holding things in. Instead, he doesn't respond.

"That's the problem then," says Clara, shaking her head. "Look, she'll leave, that's going to pass. What we have is more than a crush. You're easy to fall for, but Manny will get over it."

Toby's mouth drops. He wasn't aware they were a "we." Well, maybe he was giving off that impression a little.

"Uh...yeah," says Toby, not sure what to say to that.

"Be careful is all I'm asking," says Clara. "Uncle Christian's waiting so..."

Clara kisses Toby on the cheek, waves, and heads towards the car, Christian opening the door for her.

Toby spies Kate searching for him, Ashley already in the backseat of their car. He searches for Manny before getting in, but nope, nowhere to be found. That's twice in one day, he thinks sadly. It'll pass alright.

III.

Danny props a video camera up on his shoulder, smiling with his eye glued to the lens. Derek chews some chips noisily, watching as Danny films. Manny sees him approach Paige first, not at all surprised.

"Ah, the lovely Miss Michalchuk," says Danny. "Beauty, brains, blonde hair. Classic American look. Will the tiara perch on top of the head cheerleader's head? Will the confetti shower down on her, over her...well, let's just say, ample bosom?"

"Can...can we say bosom?" whispers Derek to him.

Manny giggles.

"Yeah," insists Danny. "But most importantly, will Paige Michalchuk go out with Degrassi's most eligible bachelor, namely me?"

"Hon, what are you twelve?" says Paige, laughing. "Not interested..at all."

"Paige, you'd be the ideal woman...to you know, make me a man," says Danny, lowering the camera, bending down next to her. "I thought older women liked younger guys."

"I date up," says Paige, patting his hair. "And I date cool."

"What about me?" says Derek, grinning.

"Smurfs with Dorito breath need not apply," replies Paige. "Trying to write here."

Paige goes back to filling out her audition form, Manny doing the same. It's pretty packed in here, thinks Manny. Hazel chews on the tip of her pen, then scribbles a few things down. Emma, chewing gum, keeps crossing things out, smiling when she thinks she has a better answer. Manny sees Heather breeze through hers.

"Moving on," says Danny, putting the camera on Manny, light shining in her face.

"Ah!" complains Manny, covering her eyes.

"Or will Miss Degrassi be Manny Santos, our very own rising actress, one of the most gorgeous women at this school, and my former baby-sitter. I've been an awfully bad boy, Manny. I think you should you know, come over and deal with that," says Danny, nudging a grinning Derek.

"Oh yeah," says Manny, smiling. "Listen, do you still have that Barbie in your room, or was that Skipper? You used to play with that all the time."

Emma and Hazel laugh, a few other girls joining in too.

"Dude, what?" whispers Derek to Danny.

"That was Liberty's," whispers Danny. "And I was like...curious...about female parts back then."

"You could've just asked, wuss," says Derek.

"Not in my house, man," says Danny.

Suddenly, the doors to the community center auditorium open with a loud thrush. A stone-faced woman of about forty, dressed in an expensive orange business suit with matching heels, marches down the aisle between the rows of chairs, Darcy blankly following her. She indicates for Darcy to sit, Darcy obediently doing so.

"Good morning," says Paige, cheerfully.

"Cross your legs," orders the woman sharply.

Paige crosses them, throws a glance at Hazel.

"Swallow it," she says, nodding at Emma.

Emma swallows her gum, turning pink.

"Sit up straight," she says to another girl Manny doesn't know.

The girl sits up, looks about to cry.

"You'll have two more minutes to complete your audition form," says the woman. "If you do not complete the form, you will be ineligible to compete. After that, there will be a discussion of the rules and the format of the pageant. My name is Theresa Tellman, and I've been running these things for years. Ms. Hatzilakos says Degrassi is in need of a bolstered reputation and I'm here to just do that. You will behave with the best decorum and represent yourselves as responsible, respectful young ladies. That clear?"

Everyone nods. Manny swallows a lump in her throat . Wow, this woman makes my dad look like a teddy bear. Ugh, now she really wishes she had dropped out.

"You and you," says Ms. Tellman, looking at Derek and Danny. "Are you authorized to be here?"

"Yeah, for AV," says Derek.

"Very well then," says Ms. Tellman. "You can fix the auditorium after all the events then."

"Uh...okay," says Danny, who appears to be shaking.

Ms. Tellman nods, goes up the stage with the most graceful walk Manny's ever seen, disappears backstage.

"Nice choice, Darcy," says Emma, when Ms. Tellman's out of earshot.

"Hatzilakos chose her," defends Darcy.

"And what are you doing here?" questions Emma. "I thought you and Spinner were hosting."

"I'm doing this," informs Darcy. "Feeling competitive all of a sudden. Spinner thinks I might actually win."

"Catfight," whispers Paige under her breath.

"Whatever," says Emma. "And where's J.T.? After all the trouble we went into to get him here?"

The doors part again, J.T. streaming in with sunglasses on, waving to the camera as Danny films his entrance.

"Looking smooth, man," compliments Derek, high-fiving him.

"Oh yeah," agrees J.T. "Sorry, I'm late, ladies. You know how it is. Being fashionably late."

He sits by Emma and Paige, though Manny picks up that he's not acknowledging her at all.

"Hey, J.T.," says Manny, smiling at him.

J.T. ignores her, turns to Paige.

"Guess what I got?" says J.T., wriggling his foot.

"What, sweet potato?" asks Paige.

J.T. takes off his shoe. Emma pretends to cough, holds her nose.

"Pedicure," says J.T.

"No way," says Emma.

J.T. removes his socks, shows off his feet. From where she sits, Manny can tell that yes, he'd actually gotten a pedicure.

"Nice," praises Hazel. "Did you go to Trina's Hair and Nail Salon?"

"All I remember was the girl was hot and thus, couldn't say no," says J.T., setting his foot on the empty chair in front of him.

"Hon, are you turning metrosexual or what?" says Paige.

"More like attention hog," says Emma, taking J.T.'s leg off the chair. "You better stop fooling around. A lot of people are supporting you."

"It's cake, Em," says J.T., beginning the audition form Darcy passes him. "It's only the audition."

Mrs. Tellman reenters the room, the expression on J.T.'s face souring.

"Her dress is the same color as a traffic cone," whispers J.T. to Emma.

"Shhh," says Paige, her brow sweating.

"I smell...feet," says Mrs. Tellman.

J.T. puts on his sock, then his shoe, hides his face. Manny smirks.

"Carrying on," says Mrs. Tellman. "Pass your audition forms forward."

J.T. hurriedly writes down something for each answer, Manny glancing at it as she hands them up to Darcy. He'd answered "traffic cone" for at least three questions.

"Not worried," whispers J.T. to Emma. "My fans want me in this thing so don't need to answer any stupid questions."

Mrs. Tellman takes the form, puts them in a folder on the stage.

"As you know," she begins, facing them. "This is a new tradition for the school, which has caused certain allowances."

She glares at J.T., who takes his shades off, smiles at her.

"Nevertheless, my event planning expertise will adhere to the traditional pageant format. There are evening wear, talent, and interview rounds, the golden standard. In this packet, you will find shops where you may find gowns and accessories. Each outfit will need to be approved by myself, and I'll need to see your act for the talent portion before the end of next week. Today, you will do a short interview session with Clara Michaels taping it so we will have you on record. It's nothing stressful, merely saying things about yourself and asking why you've chosen to compete. We will begin with Heather Sinclair and Manuella Santos. Girls."

Heather instantly rises from her seat, shakes Mrs. Tellman's hand.

"I'm honored to be in such a well-organized, event, Mrs. Tellman," beams Heather. "Truly."

Manny awkwardly gets up, takes the packet from Mrs. Tellman, who eyes her curiously.

"You have nice hair," says Mrs. Tellman.

"Um...thanks," says Manny, smiling back at Emma.

Heather rolls her eyes, then smiles.

"Yeah, I always tell her that, Mrs. Tellman, but she never believes me," says Heather. "In fact, I was just telling Manny here that she should go to Alexandria's for her gown. They're the best."

Fake witch, thinks Manny. Emma coughs, trying to cover up a laugh.

"They are," agrees Mrs. Tellman. "Clara's waiting for you in the adjoining room. You may exit."

Manny and Heather leave the room, Heather bumping her as soon as the door closes.

"Me first," says Heather.

She goes into the room, Manny standing out in the hallway. She flips through the packet. There's so much stuff, she thinks. I don't know if I can do this. And talent? I can act, but act what?

"Manny!" cries a small voice, happily.

Raising her head, she sees Alyssa running towards her.

"Hey!" says Manny, hugging her. "I missed you guys!"

"Do you have a bathroom pass to be out here?" asks Manny, pretending to be stern.

Alyssa giggles, presents the pass.

"Are you drawing?" asks Alyssa, looking at the packet.

"Oh, no," says Manny. "I'm doing this pageant thing. I won't win, but it'll be fun."

"Cool!" exclaims Alyssa. "As soon as I heard about it, I thought of you. You're so pretty."

"Eh, I'm decent-looking. Maybe you could come watch."

"If my mom says yes," says Alyssa. "I'm kinda punished, but I want to see you."

"Why are you punished?"

"I hit Beth. I know it was bad, but she called me ugly again."

Manny sighs. She was hoping Beth would leave Alyssa alone for at least three days, but nope. Alyssa starts to cry, Manny patting her back. She hears the door open, Heather coming out with Clara.

"It doesn't matter what other people say," says Manny.

"Ha!" exclaims Heather.

Manny shoots her a cold look. "It doesn't."

"Um, Manny...if you're ready," says Clara.

"I have to go back to class," says Alyssa, still crying, backing away.

"Alyssa, wait!" calls Manny after her.

"Way to comfort the children, Manny," smirks Heather.

"Get away from me," says Manny, going into the small room with Clara.

In the adjoining room, Clara has set up a video camera on legs, and there's a chair where Manny is sure she's supposed to sit. She does so, staring into the lens. Being in a room alone with Clara gave her all sorts of chills. She may've interrupted Toby and Clara in the bus lot on purpose, but she honestly didn't have the time to wait to shop since she'd be busy at the center and the video store. Did she even want to go back to the video store? No, no, her dad would want her to stick with it, and she didn't want J.J. rubbing it in her face later. At the same time, she didn't want Clara to pick up on anything, although something tells her Clara had already picked up on something.

"Will this take long?" asks Manny.

"Nope," replies Clara, pressing record. "Say your name, hometown, and why you want to be in Miss Degrassi, please."

"Okay, my name is Manuella...well, Manny Santos," says Manny. "I'm from Toronto, born in Manila. Oh, actually, there's this funny story about the day I was born. See, my mom was eating pretzels and..."

"I didn't ask for your life story," interrupts Clara. "We don't have enough tape for you to blabber on and on."

"Sorry," says Manny. "Tough room."

"And you forgot to answer the question."

"What question?"

Clara turns off the camera, glares at her.

"You know what? I have a better one," she says.

"Go ahead," says Manny, cheerfully. "I'm an open book."

"What's going on between you and Toby?"

Manny swallows a lump in her throat. "What does that have to do with Miss Degrassi?"

"It doesn't," admits Clara.

"Well...we, um...covered this already," says Manny, shifting her eyes.

What was this? Manny's stomach flip-flops, and she can feel her forehead heating up, as if she has a fever. Just think of something funny. J.T. getting a pedicure. Yeah, don't show your nerves, she thinks.

"I don't think we did," says Clara.

"Can we...can we turn the camera back on?" says Manny, wiggling in her seat.

"I thought you loved the camera," says Clara, frowning.

"I...I do...but I don't love being attacked," snaps Manny.

"What is it with you, Manny?" questions Clara, running a hand through her hair. "You can have any guy you want, but you go around stealing people's boyfriends."

"What?" exclaims Manny.

"Please. Everyone knows your history. Craig, Spinner...and now Toby?"

"Toby doesn't have a girlfriend!" exclaims Manny. "And I'm not how I was when..."

Clara holds up her hand. "Don't want to hear it."

"There's nothing going on with Toby," says Manny, lowering her eyes.

It takes all her strength to remain in this room, after being hassled by Heather, by Clara. Toby had already pretty much indicated that he wasn't interested, so why bring that back up, especially coming from the girl he is interested in? She could leave now, and no one would care. Then, she thinks of Alyssa, who did seem excited about the pageant, and no, she can't let her down, can't be scared.

Manny takes a deep breath. "I want to answer the real question. Turn it back on."

Clara shrugs, presses the record button. Manny stares into the camera.

"I want to be Miss Degrassi because I feel like..like there's this tiny part of me that believes I am beautiful. It's been a hard year for me, but all I want is some respect. Not respect from other people so much as learning how to respect myself again, having the confidence to not care about others, only me. I'm the only one that has to live with myself everyday. Thanks."

Clara presses the button, halting the recording, looks at Manny.

"Was that okay?" asks Manny.

"Yeah, I guess. Better than Heather's," replies Clara. "Good luck."

"Thanks," says Manny, getting up.

"You know, I'm not a mean person, Manny," says Clara, getting up as well. "I just really like him."

I really like him too, thinks Manny, remaining silent, going out of the room.

IV.

The silence continues on the drive over to Alexandria's. After Toby came to meet her at the meeting, thankfully with Clara having gone home afterwards, she told Toby the name of the place and they took off. Staring out the window, Manny grows more and more nervous. They were in a ritzier part of the city, far from the nice, regular stores at the mall she frequented. Where is Pretty Pretty when you need it, thinks Manny, as they park.

On the way over, every once in a while, Manny would stare at Toby, hoping that he'd speak. But no, he kept his mouth shut as if he were ordered to. It was so different from the trip when he was so talkative, and warm towards her. I really did ruin everything, she thinks.

Entering Alexandria's, the appearance of the outside mall was only a precursor to the actual store. Nicely tailored, sequined gowns framed the mannequins. Designer brands she'd only seen in magazines or on Project Runway, her former favorite show, appear way too frequently. Security guards stand at the front of a set of dressing rooms. Sure, Heather can shop here, but what about the rest of us? There's a three-way mirror in the center, where she assumes people go to get a full view of themselves. Manny glances at Toby timidly.

"Maybe we should go," says Manny. "This is...pretty fancy."

"No, no, we'll find a gown, if this is the best," replies Toby.

"I don't need the best," says Manny. "Let's..."

"I thought I saw you drive up in that ugly little car!" exclaims the voice Manny wanted to hear the least.

"Ugh, Heather," groans Toby.

"Awww, Toby," says Heather. "Shopping for yourself? There's some Wonder Bras in the corner over there?"

"Go away," says Manny through gritted teeth.

"I'll let you girls continue shopping then," laughs Heather.

Heather goes to a salesperson and starts talking to her. Manny shakes her head.

"I keep thinking of like ten million ways to kill that girl," sighs Manny. "Then again, you can't kill the devil, can you?"

Toby laughs, and Manny's glad he's finally loosening up. She starts going through one rack, humming to herself to break the quiet. Toby stares at her shyly.

"Come across anything yet?" asks Toby.

"No...not yet...I...," says Manny, then gasping.

She pulls out a long, strapless pink gown with a flowing bottom and small sequins on the top. This is so me, thinks Manny. Forget the Manny-est dress ever that she found at Pretty Pretty. She looks at the price tag, claps.

"Miracle dress!" squeals Manny, hugging Toby.

"Why...why? It doesn't cost much?" asks Toby.

"A hundred bucks," says Manny. "I'll definitely pay you back."

"No...no, don't worry about it," says Toby. "You should try it on, right?"

"Yeah, yeah," says Manny, heading for the dressing room in the far left.

Manny ducks in the dressing room, a little bothered by the fact that there's no real locks to the stalls, only some snazzy curtains. I suppose there's security everywhere, though, she thinks. Sliding off her jeans, and sweater, she drapes herself in the gown, manages to zip it up. While getting dressed, she keeps coming up with ways to make things right with Toby. He said he wanted things to go back to normal. So did she, in a way. Just not all the way back to normal.

She parts the curtain, peeps out, sees Toby sitting in a chair in front of the mirror.

"Okay, does this look pageant-y?" asks Manny, advancing to him.

Toby's entire face goes pale, and his lips move wordlessly.

"That bad, eh?" says Manny.

"That wonderful...actually," says Toby, gulping.

Manny smiles. There's that racing heart again, she thinks, feeling it go a mile a minute. This was so unique to her. Usually, she had to have on a thong to get a guy to keep staring at her, or a dress that showed off all her curves, but he keeps looking.

"My mom probably has some shoes I can wear," says Manny, glancing at herself in the mirror.

Wow, it really does frame me the right way. Manny smooths out the fabric, walks towards Toby.

"So yes to the miracle dress?" she asks. "This is the winner?"

"Uh-huh," says Toby, standing. "But I think you'll win no matter what."

Manny walks a little closer to him. "Toby?"

"Yes?" says Toby.

"If I asked you to talk again, would you say yes?"

She holds her breath, waiting for his answer. What possessed her to ask she isn't clear about, but the way he looked at her sometimes, she could swear, swear it was more than he let on. The kiss said it all. How could he have forgotten?

"I would say yes," replies Toby.

Manny grins, peers at the security guards. For some reason, Heather was being asked questions, and they were all listening intently since she was making a big commotion. She grabs his hand, drags him to the dressing room.

"This is private," breathes Toby. "It's a girl's dressing room!"

"So?" says Manny. "It doesn't matter, just that we do it."

"Do what?" says Toby.

"We could kiss again...just to see what...what we feel," says Manny.

"Manny...I...I don't know," says Toby. "Clara..."

"I know, but it isn't fair to her if there is something, right? Then again, maybe it was just the romance up there. Being crammed in a room, red roses everywhere, firelight, that kind of atmosphere."

Toby nods. "Yeah."

"I mean, we're very romantic people, so it's easy...to get carried away."

"Yeah, Kendra said I was romantic, and you are, so..."

"I am. So we'll kiss and see."

Instead of her initiating it, they both lean in. Manny's surprised how natural it is, but not as surprised that when their lips do touch, it's as great as the first time. Only this time Toby's more confident, hands holding her back, her enjoying the movement of his fingers. She pulls him closer, hands wrapped around his neck. All the thoughts seem to fall out of her mind, hands brushing his face. Toby releases her, massages his brow.

"Toby, we've got a problem, because I liked that too," whispers Manny, going to kiss him again.

"So did I," whispers Toby, backing away. "The first one...amazing. This one...I can't even...Manny..."

"We can't go back to normal, Toby," insists Manny. "I'm feeling...a lot of things."

"Are you sure?" asks Toby, looking straight into her eyes. "Because I...I'm feeling stuff too."

"What?"

Suddenly, there's a rush of footsteps, and Manny can see feet hovering in front of the curtain.

"I am not a kleptomaniac!" shouts Heather. "I didn't steal those scarves last time. Lucy pardoned me, because she knows I'm innocent. I went in this dressing room, and..."

Heather yanks the curtain back, Manny gasping. Toby puts a hand over his mouth.

"Oh my...what are you two doing here?" shouts Heather.

"We're...we're talking," stutters Toby, lowering his hand.

"Yeah, that's why you have lipstick all over your mouth," says Heather, laughing. "Wow, Manny. Toby? I mean, Toby? I can't wait to tell everyone about your latest little scandal."

Manny stares quickly at Toby. She said she didn't want drama, and sure enough, drama came. Heather would broadcast it all over town, and they weren't sure what they really were in the first place. Toby didn't need to be a part of this, but no, she was the one who drug him in here. And Clara? So horrible.

"I have to change, so...maybe you should go," says Manny, sniffling.

"I'll wait outside," whispers Toby, heading past the guards.

The guards look at one another, follow Toby out, clearly puzzled over the exchange.

"Heather, please, please leave it alone," pleads Manny.

"I haven't decided yet," says Heather. "One thing's for sure, though."

"What?" says Manny, hesitantly.

"You have really bad taste," criticizes Heather. "And not just the dress."

Heather smiles triumphantly, closes the curtain, on her, leaving her in the cruel florescent light filling the stall. She slumps in a corner, her body shaking. She doesn't feel beautiful or alluring or confident. Some miracle dress, she moans inwardly.


	17. Why's It So Hard

**XVII. Why's It So Hard**

Why's it so hard to love one another  
Why's it so hard to love  
Why's it so hard to love one another  
Why's it so hard to love

What do I have to do to be accepted  
What do I have to say  
What do I have to do to be respected  
How do I have to play  
What do I have to look like to feel I'm equal  
Where do I have to go  
What club do I have to join to prove I'm worthy  
Who do I have to know

I'm telling you brothers sisters  
Why can't we learn to challenge the system  
Without living in pain  
Brothers sisters  
Why can't we learn to accept that we're different  
Before it's too late

What do I have to learn to know what's right for me  
What do I have to know  
What am I going to do when I feel righteous  
Where do I have to go  
Who should get to say what I believe in  
Who should have the right  
What am I going to do with all this anger  
Why do I have to fight

I'm telling you brothers sisters  
Why can't we learn to challenge the system  
Without living in pain  
Brothers sisters  
Why can't we learn to accept that we're different  
Why's it so hard

Bring your love.. sing your love  
Wear your love.. share your love  
Bring your love.. sing your love  
Wear your love.. share your love  
Bring your love.. sing your love  
Wear your love.. show your sister how

Brothers sisters  
What do I have to say  
Brothers sisters  
How do I have to play  
Brothers sisters  
Who should have the right  
Brothers sisters  
Why do I have to fight

Why's it so hard to love one another  
Love your sister love your brother  
Why's it so hard to love one another  
Love your sister love your brother  
Why's it so hard to love one another  
Why's it so hard to love

"_Everybody wants something they'll never give up! Everybody wants something that'll take your money, and never give up! Everybody wants something..._," sings Joey, scooping some ice cream into a bowl.

"Dad, come on!" complains Angie, finding a spoon.

Craig enters the kitchen, used to his stepfather singing his own personal high school anthem. After basically badmouthing him on camera without being aware that it was being filmed, he'd learned to shut up about it. Actually, he doesn't mind it at all today. No, he wanted Joey in a good mood. It helped that Diane was there, and they were about to watch their favorite TV show, _Dancing with the Stars. _

"I like the song," says Diane, kissing Joey on the side of his bald head

"Diane, run while you still can," jokes Craig, patting Joey on the back.

"It's not one of Craig's masterpieces, but it's eighties' heaven, alright?" counters Joey.

Joey and Diane go into the living room, bowls in hand, Angie putting the ice cream carton back into the refrigerator. Craig sits on a recliner opposite them, nervously taps his knee.

"Craig, my sister loved your music," says Diane. "You should cut a demo sometime."

"Oh, he almost did, but then...then something happened," laughs Joey.

"Someone," says Craig, smiling.

"Man, I can't wait to see the British guy judge the tango," says Joey, putting an arm around Diane.

"I want to hear more about this someone first," says Diane, smiling. "I can't picture you giving up a demo for anyone."

Joey laughs. "Well, this isn't anyone, Diane. This was Ashley."

"Umm...yeah," stammers Craig. "Speaking of Ashley, can you maybe listen up for a sec?"

Joey shrugs, mutes the television as commercials pop up onscreen. Diane also listens intently.

"I was thinking...like next year, Ash and I would get a place," says Craig, sweat forming on his palms. "Or sooner, maybe. If I earn enough."

Diane raises her eyebrows, while Joey drops the remote. Angie pops her head into the room.

"Ashley wouldn't live with you," exclaims Angie. "You leave wet towels everywhere."

"Angie, go upstairs," orders Joey, shaking his head. "Now."

"How come Craig gets to see me get in trouble, but I don't get to see him get in trouble?," moans Angie, carrying her bowl upstairs.

There's a long, awkward pause, Craig wishing he could sink into the recliner. For some reason, he thought Joey would be okay with this. Joey liked Ashley, and he'd lived with Caitlin the year before. Joey wasn't the most conservative person.

"First of all," begins Joey. "Ashley's back?"

"Yeah...yeah," beams Craig. "She came back to finish her year."

"What about Manny?" asks Diane.

"That wasn't working out," says Craig. "Broke up over the trip."

"Wow," breathes Diane. "That was...fast."

"I thought...I thought you liked Ashley, Joey," says Craig.

"I do. I really do. But Craig, this is totally impractical. Neither of you have an education, and I always thought Ashley wanted to go to college, and of course, I'd like you to go too. Even if you didn't, what sort of job would you get to support the two of you?"

"I can barely support myself in my little apartment," adds Diane, after swallowing some ice cream.

"I'd find something," argues Craig. "Then next year, we'd have my inheritance to start..."

"Oh, no," interjects Joey, sitting up. "You are not spending that to start a love nest with Ashley. I'm sorry, Craig. No."

"Joey, I'm almost eighteen," says Craig. "An adult. It's my money."

Joey groans, takes some paper from the table in front of them, starts jotting things down. Diane peers down at the paper as well, eating at the same time. Ugh, I don't like where this is going, thinks Craig.

"Let's see. With your salary at the car lot, and the once in a while gig, that's your source of income. You'll need to pay rent, utilities...," begins Joey.

"Utilities?" says Craig.

"Yeah. I assume you want to take a shower now and then, right?"

Craig bites his lip, nods.

"Then, if you ever get a car..."

"Like you couldn't get me one real cheap?" interrupts Craig. "Joey!"

"Food for the both of you...carry the three...yep, here's what your left with," says Joey, handing him the paper.

Craig stares down at a bunch of figures, sighs.

"Twenty-five cents?" cries Craig. "Joey, Ashley would get a job too!"

"She said she would?"

"No, but..."

"Craig, this isn't you flying to England, or renting a hotel room...the hotel room I ended up paying for. Anyway, it's serious business. It took me years to get this house, and your mother and I barely made do when we got our first apartment."

"Whatever," says Craig, getting up. "You're just mad because I don't want to live here anymore. This is the only way Ash and I can..."

Craig stops himself from saying anything else, Joey eyeing him up and down.

"You think this is going to keep her here, don't you?" guesses Joey. "Craig, you know that that's a poor reason to do this. Caitlin buying this house didn't keep her here, did it?"

Diane looks puzzled at the mention of Caitlin's name, keeping her gaze on Joey.

"I don't have to listen to this," says Craig.

"Yeah, I think you do, buddy," says Joey. "You should put your trust in her, not in some apartment that you shouldn't have gotten in the first place. This isn't going to solve anything."

"You know what? Forget the inheritance. I'm moving out as soon as I can find a place," says Craig, sharply. "I'll use my savings."

"Craig!" yells Joey, as Craig heads up the stairs.

Craig goes into his room, slams the door. What was all that about? Joey thought he knew everything. He trusted in their love, or else he wouldn't have given Ashley a second chance. He only wanted to be with her, and she definitely wouldn't pull a Caitlin, run away again. Right? He lays on his bed, blinks at the ceiling. Up there with Tom and Elma, it was like some dream he could touch, being with her at night, in the morning. He may've come to the decision hastily, but he could see it work out for them, even if they were young. They were different. They could do it. Ashley, she just needed convincing.

He picks up his phone, dials Ashley's cellphone number.

"Hello?" says Ashley.

"Meet me on Cannon Street tomorrow," says Craig. "Noon, okay?"

"Cannon Street?" asks Ashley. "What's on Cannon Street?"

"You'll see," replies Craig.

"Noon's fine," says Ashley. "What are you doing?"

"Lying here, thinking about being with you," answers Craig.

"So basically, what I'm doing," says Ashley, shyly. "You're making me blush."

"More than I did up on the mountain?" says Craig, laughing.

"Craig!" scolds Ashley, playfully.

II.

Manny nervously plays with her seat belt buckle, not bothering to stare over at Toby, who turned on the car radio as soon as he started his car. The dress was hung up in the backseat, after Toby had kindly paid the grand total. Luckily, Heather left the store before Manny got changed, after Toby heard her vow to never to come back to the store again. Toby wishes she made that vow before today. He also wishes Manny would speak.

Twenty minutes later, Toby stops the car in front of Emma's house, stares over at her.

"So this was an exciting day," says Manny, twiddling her fingers.

"Yeah," says Toby, softly.

He thought nothing could top the moment at the resort, that it was something that was done and she'd forget it. Kisses like that don't come around very often, he thinks, but J.T. did raise some good points, about them being in a relationship together, what people would think and say. What did Manny find attractive about him anyway? He wasn't Sully, and he definitely wasn't Craig. What would he do– make her sit through Computer Club meetings, student council sessions? Nate might be the right guy, he hates to think. He would keep her interested, happy. Sure, kissing her was nice, but kissing only lasted a few moments. Kisses aren't relationships.

"Manny, it's fine," says Toby with as much strength as he can find. "I'll deny it. People would probably believe me over Heather."

"Toby...," says Manny.

"You've been badmouthed at school enough...so...so let's not make it any worse," continues Toby. "And I don't want to hurt Clara...so yeah."

Manny unbuckles her seatbelt quickly, stares back at Toby.

"Look, Heather is Satan. I don't want you...I don't want you to deny anything," says Manny.

"Manny..."

"You make me smile, Toby," says Manny, grinning. "And the more time I spend around you...the more I like it. I like seeing you, more than I think I should."

Toby's heart starts to pound against his chest, and he takes a deep breath. For someone who he can't see himself with, she sure was making it easier to envision a future with her.

"I like seeing you more than I think I should too," admits Toby.

Manny looks down at her lap, smiles.

"We're not flirting, are we?" asks Manny.

"It kinda feels like we are," says Toby, averting his eyes. "Would you mind?"

"No," says Manny, giving him a glance. "I wouldn't mind."

"Can I walk you to the door?" offers Toby, unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Thanks," replies Manny, beginning to open the door.

"No, I got it," says Toby, getting out, going around and opening the door for her.

He takes the dress from the backseat, hands it to her. They walk to Emma's stoop, where he remembers that night when they sat there, Manny asking him if he thought she should add sparkles to her vest. That seems so far away right now, a muted memory where he can't remember the conversation, only how pretty she appeared.

"Thanks, Toby, for the ride and for paying," says Manny. "You're...you're..."

"A good friend," finishes Toby, glancing down at the stoop.

"No," says Manny, lifting his chin. "That's not going to work anymore."

Toby gingerly touches her neck, leans in, meets Manny's expectant gaze. A loud clang sounds in his ears, and he steps back. The door clatters open.

"Manny! Ugh, get in here!" exclaims Emma, her blonde hair all over the place. "Oh, hey Toby!"

"Em!" snaps Manny. "What's the dire emergency this time? Spike give you another bad perm?"

"Worse than that!" shouts Emma. "I was curling my hair to try out different styles, and I like singed the ends. Totally gross. Calm me down, Manny! Calm me down!"

"Umm...it'll be fine, Em?" says Manny, quizzically.

"Yeah, right," says Emma. "Toby, be glad you aren't a girl."

"Already am," says Toby, shrugging.

"This is all Darcy's fault. Saying oh, Em, you know Spin likes girls with fuller hair. That was a deliberate attempt to make me try this. My hangs were shaking when I was doing it, and yeah, lead to this. That spiritual skeeze. First, her entering this pageant, then that low-blow attack. I swear!"

"Em, since when did you care about what other people think?" says Manny. "I would die to have hair like yours."

"A lot of people are going to see me, Manny," whines Emma. "Must look perfect. If I win this, I won't be the ravine queen or cause girl or the girl who announced her period in front of the entire class."

"No one remembers that," says Manny, with a sweet smile.

I do, thinks Toby. I really hope I'm not smiling.

"See, Toby remembers," says Emma, nodding towards Toby. "Why'd I do that thing with Jay? Why didn't Peter like me? Why does Spinner like girls with non-straight hair? I need to meditate...or to go for a walk...or cry."

"I'm here, Emma," sighs Manny, hugging Emma.

"Good, because I'm totally freaking out," says Emma. "Oooh, is that your dress?"

"Yeah, hang it up for me," says Manny.

Emma takes it, looks it over, closes the door. Manny gives Toby an apologetic look.

"Don't worry about it," says Toby.

"Um...are you going to talk to Clara, maybe?" says Manny, hopefully.

Toby isn't sure what he's going to say to her. He'd never dumped anyone before, if you could call it dumping since they weren't actually going out. But what Manny said in the dressing room is right. It isn't fair to be with her if he has these feelings for Manny. And by almost kissing her, he knows the feelings are pretty stationary.

"I'll talk to her," replies Toby. "I promised to help her pack up her AV equipment tomorrow. That'd be a good time."

"Okay," says Manny, backing up, hitting the door. "Oh, the door! It'd be good if I opened it."

Manny opens the door, smiles at him.

"Good night, Toby," says Manny, closing the door.

He simply stands on the stoop, can't believe that just happened. Then, he hopes into his car, pumping the radio up, loud enough for everyone passing to hear. Then, he turns it off. Music can't make this moment better. Nothing can make this moment better.

III.

"Ewww, Em!" cries Manny, lifting up a tendril of damaged hair. "What were you doing?"

"I told you," moans Emma, tears falling down her cheeks. "It's horrible. I look like a scarecrow. Just put me in a field."

They're in Emma's room, Manny noticing that there were magazines strewn all over the floor, open to models with luminous, thick hair.

"We'll fix it," soothes Manny. "When your mom gets home, we'll double team you and it'll be okay."

"Fine," huffs Emma. "Oh, and your dad called."

Though kissing Toby, and being with him, gave her a lot of surprising thrills and butterflies, hearing that her father called again gave her a warm feeling she hadn't felt at all that day.

"And?" prompts Manny.

"He says he can't meet you Friday," says Emma, a sympathetic look on her face.

"Oh," says Manny, slumping down in a chair.

"He says he might call later to arrange something else," says Emma.

"Yeah...whatever."

Sure, he'd call, waves off Manny. Call and not say anything. Was it that hard to open the door for her so she could get a few things? It was hard for her to call him, and she was the kid, not the adult. Why's it so hard for him to make a move, to show that he cares?

"But I really admire you for calling him, Manny," praises Emma. "You've got guts. You're just more self-aware this year. It's nice."

"Thanks."

She does feel more self-aware, a bit better after Heather and Clara tearing her down. It's satisfying that she has people cheering her on: Alyssa, Emma, Toby. I can do this, she thinks. Never mind being apart from her parents, never mind the past people liked to throw in her face. She'd land an agent, hold her head high up at Degrassi, make a fresh start. Besides, Heather was most likely bluffing about the Toby situation. She merely liked to tease, and Manny can't recall a time when Heather publicly humiliated anyone, well, except for herself.

"Alright," says Manny, getting out of the chair. "I'm sure we can do something before Spike comes."

"My hair," moans Emma, glancing in the mirror.

"Relax," says Manny. "It's not too late to save it. It's not to late to save anything."

IV.

"How many of these stupid meetings are you going to have?" complains Alex, blowing a bubble with her gum.

"According to that packet, like a ton," answers Paige, fluffing up her hair.

Manny checks the zipper on the back of her dress, grateful to see that it looks alright. She looks around the backstage dressing room of the community center, seeing everyone's panic. It smells like hair spray and sweat. The auditions list would be posted that afternoon, but your name might be crossed off if your gown was inappropriate. Manny read that last night in the packet, which became bigger with each reading. She told Mrs. Tellman she already had a gown, as did Paige, Heather, and Hazel.

"Why would you get a gown before you know if you're going to be in it or not?" smirks Alex.

"Hello, hon, she's obviously testing our confidence," replies Paige. "Think positive."

"No, think Paige," counters Alex.

"Precisely," says Paige, smiling at herself in the make-up mirror.

Hazel rolls her eyes, adjusts her lavender gown with a V-neck and sequined back. Paige's has a similar style, though it's light blue, and a shorter length at the leg.

"I'm surprised you got yours already, Manny," speaks up Darcy, one of the few girls walking around in jeans. "But I get the feeling Tellman likes you, so you're basically in."

"Yesterday was the only time I could shop," explains Manny.

"Oh," says Darcy. "Can you sit down for a sec?"

Manny nods, finds two stools, where the girls sit.

"If you could keep your best friend in check, I would really appreciate it," whispers Darcy, winking at her.

"In check? Darcy?" whispers Manny.

"I know what she's doing, and...yeah, she better watch it," whispers Darcy, coldly smiling at Manny. "We clear?"

"Crystal," replies Manny, throwing Emma a worried look.

"Peachy," says Darcy chirpily, going over to Hazel.

"Hair spray turns girls loopy," mutters Manny to herself. "Too much estrogen."

"I know," says Emma, sitting where Darcy formally sat. "In need of testosterone."

"Then thank God we're here," says J.T., walking towards them with Toby by his side.

"I said testosterone, not pathetic," says Emma, poking J.T. in the stomach.

Manny immediately smiles. This was becoming more and more frequent everytime she sees him. She responded similarly to Craig, but he didn't always smile back like Toby.

"Hey," greets Toby, looking at Manny.

J.T. stands in front of Toby, blocking Manny's view.

"So, Manny, Mrs. Tellman wants to see you and Heather first," informs J.T., the first thing he'd said to her ever since she got back from the trip.

"Mmmkay?" says Manny, raising her eyebrows.

She heads over to the side of the stage, throwing Toby a small glance. He waves, and J.T. elbows him in the ribs. Heather comes up beside her, and they both watch Mrs. Tellman whisper animatedly to Mrs. Hatzilakos in the auditorium.

"You're really scraping the bottom of the barrel, Manny," says Heather, softly. "Tell me, when you kissed Toby, did those glasses steam up, you get all hot and bothered?"

"Why don't you shut up before I slap you?" whispers Manny urgently, crossing her arms.

"I can totally picture you around school, holding hands, you sitting behind the computer, getting carpal tunnel as you trade lovey dovey e-mails. The school slut and the virginal nerd? Hmm, you can get creative with that. What I really want to know is would you deflower Toby in the Media Immersion room, get all kinky, or in his bedroom, inches away from your nemesis, Ashley Kerwin, hoping Craig would find out? Kinda betting on the MI lab, since you can't handle pressure."

Manny's whole face grows flustered. She raises her hand to smack Heather.

"Page forty. No physical altercations or you're out," whispers Heather, lowering Manny's hand.

"I hate you so much," says Manny, her eyes tearing up.

"Get ready to hate me more," says Heather, smirking, going to the center of the dressing room.

Manny steps back into the dressing room, her heart going faster and faster. No, please don't.

"Can I have your attention, please?" says Heather, glancing around the room, throwing one look at Toby, then one at Manny.

If I could die right now, I would, thinks Manny, hugging herself.

"I just thought everyone should know that...that, well, Manny here is in love," says Heather.

"Like we care," says Alex, dismissively. "Leave Santos alone and shave your hairy pits."

"I don't speak to the gonorrhea infected, alright?" says Heather, casting an evil look in Alex's direction.

Alex starts unzipping her jacket, heads towards Heather.

"Hon, pageant! No, okay?" warns Paige, pulling her back.

Paige's protest seems to stop Alex from doing anything else. Emma stands up.

"What's your damage, Heather?" says Emma.

"The fact that I have to look at your mangled hair," answers Heather.

In all honestly, it looks much better, thinks Manny. Spike and herself had managed to get it halfway decent, though Emma required a minor haircut, with Manny holding her hand.

"So Manny likes Nate. So what?" says Darcy, shrugging. "Nate kinda likes her too. Told me himself."

Manny's mouth drops. He did? Ugh, yet another problem she doesn't need.

"That's the thing," says Heather, beaming. "It's not Nate."

"Who then?" says Hazel.

"She doesn't have to tell," says Paige. "Get a life, Heather. Or better yet, get some lipo."

"Oh, Paige, not even you could ruin this," laughs Heather. "And I'll get the lipo when you get a nose job. And surgery to correct those cankles."

"You're so priming yourself for a beatdown," promises Alex.

"I don't care," says Heather. "Because Manny should share her wonderful news. After all, it doesn't matter what people say, right, Manny?"

Heather pats Manny hard on the back, Manny's eyes burning.

"Aww, what's the matter?" asks Heather. "You're the girl Tellman likes, right? The one every guy likes? You were never shy about your feelings for Craig, Manny."

Manny closes her eyes, opens them. She sees Toby in the corner, who stares at her with the most pained expression she's ever seen. I can't admit to this, says Manny. Not like this. It's too cruel.

"Are you embarrassed?" prods Heather. "Wow, if you're going to be an actress, you need thicker skin like that. Just like Emma needs thicker hair."

"You suck, Heather!" barks Emma.

"You're one to talk, Emma," says Heather, grinning. "Ravine ring a bell?"

J.T. stands next to Heather, bumps her lightly to the side.

"Hey!" shouts Heather.

"Are you embarrassed, Manny?" questions J.T. "Because you shouldn't be. If you are, you don't deserve him."

"Tell us, Manny," says Heather. "If you cared about him, you would."

There's a sound in her ears, a screeching sound, not Heather's voice. The disappointed look on J.T.'s face is too much, everyone watching is too much. This is hard, harder than they realize. They back her into a wall, and expect her to talk? And Toby...how much am I hurting him right now, thinks Manny. Manny lets out a cry, covers her eyes.

"See? You do care what people think," says Heather, smiling.

"Whatever," says J.T., frowning at Manny, brushing past her, heading out of the room.

Toby follows him, Manny seeing his lips tremble. She gazes after him, then back at the other girls, confusion painted on all their faces. Emma reaches out to her, but she pushes her hand away. She sighs.

"Toby...Toby, wait!" yells Manny, running after him, her heels and the long gown not getting her very far.

She gets to the parking lot as fast as she can, but she hears the roar of a car, sees that Toby has pulled out and is driving away, J.T. in the passenger seat. She kneels in the lot, gravel touching the bottom of her dress. Tears slip down her nose, her chin. Moments later, Emma appears, crouching down next to her.

"Manny...Manny, you okay?" says Emma.

Manny lets her face fall into Emma's chest.

"I'm so horrible, Em...so horrible," whispers Manny, letting Emma stroke her hair.

"It's okay," says Emma, rocking her back and forth. "I'm here."


	18. You Must Love Me

XVIII. **You Must Love Me**

**Author's Note: Yes, I'm familiar with the line from Heathers. Love it! LOL.**

**The Reason is the property of Hoobastank.**

Where do we go from here?

This isn't where we intended to be

We had it all, you believed in me

I believed in you.

Certainties disappear

What do we do for our dream to survive?

How do we keep all our passions alive

As we used to do?

Deep in my heart I'm concealing

Things that I''m longing to say

Scared to confess what I'm feeling

Frightened you'll slip away.

You must love me

You must love me.

Why are you by my side?

How can I be any use to you now?

Give me a chance and I'll let you see how

Nothing has changed.

You must love me.

"Are these too scratchy?" asks Emma, handing Manny a couple paper towels.

Manny glances around the community center washroom, dotting her eyes with another paper towel, her eyesight finally becoming clear, her ears no longer ringing. She's still in her dress, though the bottom is noticeably dirty, and there's a rip near the hem. Where the rip came from she's not sure. But it was insignificant compared to the rip that must've cut through Toby's heart,a rip that cut through her own. Why didn't she say anything? Was it because deep down, she knows that Heather's right, that she does care? Why is it all so complicated, she thinks. What shoes are in style, what slang to use, what boy to date, and you have to choose knowing people will look. It truly doesn't matter, she knows that, but it has been three years of snide remarks and laughter for her, and yes, she isn't sure she can take much more.

"So...it's Toby?" says Emma, leaning against the sink.

Manny nods, flips her hair back.

"Okay," says Emma. "That's...well, that's pretty wow."

"Pretty wow?" exclaims Manny. "Em..."

"Just let me...let me process it, okay," interrupts Emma. "When...when did it start?"

"Um, first we kissed in our room during the ski trip," says Manny, softly. "We kissed when we went shopping. We almost kissed..."

"Alright, that's...that's...yeah," says Emma, clearing her throat. "And Nate is?"

"Nothing. There's no fireworks, Em," clarifies Manny.

"And there are with Toby?"

"There are with Toby."

Emma shrugs. "Hmm, I did notice he had nice lips one time."

"Em!" cries Manny.

"Sorry, trying to lighten the mood in here," defends Emma.

"You can't lighten it, because I'm...like the most terrible person ever," sighs Manny, tears filling her eyes again.

"No, that would be Heather," insists Emma. "I'm just waiting for her horns to show. Going to clock that wench the minute this thing is done."

"Who is teaching you this slang exactly?" says Manny, smiling a little.

"Spin," says Emma, beaming. "But yeah. You can't treat people like that."

There's a knock on the washroom door, startling both of them. Manny's not sure why anyone would be knocking on the door of a public washroom.

"Come in!" shouts Emma.

Paige, Alex, Hazel, and Darcy walk in, all of their faces downtrodden. Manny wipes her nose with a paper towel, and ugh, it is too scratchy.

"We wanted to...," begins Paige.

"Put me down?" offers Manny. "I can't feel any _more _down so go ahead."

"Check on you. We wanted to check on you," supplies Hazel.

Manny stops sniffling, looks at each of them separately. Emma beams at her.

"What Heather did was pretty heinous," says Paige. "She'll say anything to get a rise out of you. Trust me."

"And Toby's a nice guy," says Darcy, smiling. "I don't get it...but it's okay with me."

"I like Toby," chirps in Hazel, smiling.

"And I...I don't know Toby really, so yeah," says Alex.

The room feels pretty cramped to Manny, but she doesn't feel as alone. It is nice for them, especially Paige who she's sure isn't one of her biggest fans, to come in and see her. Still, she can't go into a room with Heather anymore after this, as understanding as the other girls were.

"I'm...I'm dropping out," says Manny, wiping her cheeks.

"No, Manny!" protests Emma. "The agent...your new dress...you can't."

"What I can't do is be in the same room as Heather," replies Manny. "It's over."

Manny starts to head for the washroom door, but Paige blocks her, shakes her head.

"Allow me to tell you some things about Heather Sinclair, okay?" says Paige. "Her father's a rich alcoholic with the manners of a water buffalo. Her mother's a serial cheater, a former model who likes to pick apart Heather whenever she can. Hence, Heather's need to tear others down. And Heather only tears down people she sees as a threat. Thus, I have to hear her annoying voice rag on me every day we come in contact. Tellman likes you so you qualify as a threat. You can either run home or stick it out, but if you run home, she'll throw it in your face later."

What am I going to do, thinks Manny. Heather would just keep bothering her, but she did want an agent, and could it get much worse than this? It'd be a waste of Toby's money to not wear the dress for its purpose, even with the rip, and Alyssa was coming to see her. She puts on a forced smile.

"We can't let her win, can we?" says Manny.

"Yes!" cries Darcy, happily, hugging her.

"Okay, let's end this little Oprah moment," says Alex, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, you have to go see Mrs. Tellman," reminds Emma, nudging Manny out of the room.

They all walk back to the auditorium, but Manny pauses right before the entrance. Heather is chatting with two other girls, points at Manny, and they all giggle. Manny takes a deep breath, walks slowly to Mrs. Tellman, who is writing something down on her notepad.

"Um...Mrs. Tellman, I'm ready," says Manny, softly.

"Very well," says Mrs. Tellman, walking around in a circle, touching her dress now and then.

Truthfully, she never felt more ugly. Seeing Toby's entire face fall, the disappointment, the sadness. Remembering it, she can barely stand, but she knows she has to.

"There's a small rip," says Mrs. Tellman. "Fix that and we'll be in business. It's an excellent choice, Ms. Santos."

"Thank you," replies Manny.

Manny goes over to Emma, and Emma puts her arm around her. For the next fifteen minutes, Mrs. Tellman checks Paige and Hazel, then explains how the evening wear portion will be conducted, Manny's eyes firmly ahead but blinking back tears. I have to talk to him, she thinks. I have to make this alright.

"I'm leaving a list of the contestants who have made it to the next round of auditions based on their forms and videotapes. I will need to see your talent segments before making the final cut. If you made it this far, congratulations. If not, I encourage you to try next year. Thank you."

Mrs. Tellman walks briskly out of the auditorium. It is quiet for a few seconds, then everyone races to the stage, staring down at the list. Manny hangs in the back, considers leaving without checking.

"I'm in!" exclaims Paige, hugging Alex.

"So am I," says Hazel, clapping.

Emma heads back to Manny, smiling.

"We're in and amazingly enough, J.T. is in," informs Emma. "You're at the top of the list. That should make you feel better."

Manny shrugs. "Em...it doesn't. I gotta talk to Toby."

II.

"Why do I hear barking?" asks Ashley, holding Craig's hands as they cover her eyes.

"You'll see," says Craig, and Ashley hears something else, the twist of a doorknob.

"Craig, this is odd," says Ashley. "You tell me to meet you on Cannon, to close my eyes, tell someone we're here to see what we can find, and we walk for a couple minutes, then..."

"No peeking," orders Craig, steering her into one room, and then another.

The barking grows louder, Ashley's hands shaking a bit.

"Okay, what are we doing here?" says Ashley.

"Incentive," says Craig, lowering his hands. "For you to say yes."

Ashley glances around. They were clearly in an animal shelter, with lots of cages holding small dog, big dogs, bulldogs, Pomeranians, German shepherds, any breed she could imagine. They all appear relatively clean, some happily yelping around, almost all of them peering at her and Craig. Just then, she notices a smaller man standing next to them, his nametag and gloves indicating that he's an employee there.

"Sal, ma'am," greets the employee, heading for one cage. "You can just have a looky see, and we'll take it from there."

"Take it from there?" says Ashley, blankly. "Craig..."

"I saw you being all sweet with Eureka, Tom and Elma's dog, and was like, well, if we get an apartment, we should get a dog."

Apartment? Whoa. Yes, she has been thinking about it, and while being with him, living with him is something she wants, she's almost one hundred percent sure it isn't the time. But what if she told him that? She already let him down with the stupid Ali situation, and she hated that period of being away from him. What if he split after hearing her concerns? Perhaps she can hint that this isn't the best idea.

"Dogs are expensive, Craig," says Ashley. "It'll be hard to take care of it. I don't want you wasting your money on me."

"Think of it as a Christmas present," argues Craig, smiling. "A furry, drooling Christmas present."

"I don't want you spending money on me anymore, especially after the clothes thing."

"You're the last person I have to shop for. Angie's hair clip, some CDs for Jimmy and Marco, a promise to baby-sit Angie some Fridays so Joey can go out with Diane. One free present. Then, El, I got her a copy of _Moulin Rouge_ because, and I quote her, 'it's a good movie, Craig, and I don't watch it because Ewan McGregor's hot, I don't, Craig!'"

Ashley laughs, Craig putting her arms around her waist.

"Please," says Craig, kissing her nose.

She sighs, smiles. "Let's look around. No guarantees."

Craig kisses her on the mouth lightly, leads her to the cage where Sal is giving a water dish to a Dalmatian. The Dalmation looks up pathetically.

"Awww," coos Ashley, kneeling down across from him.

"That's Donny. Had a sister named Marie, but someone took her already," says Sal, scratching Donny's head.

"No offense," whispers Ashley to Craig. "But I don't want a dog named after the Osmonds."

"Ditto," whispers Craig. "Or Brady Bunch."

They exit Donny's cage as he laps up some water. Ashley looks over at the cage to the right, sees a small, white terrier cowering in the corner. He puts one paw on a dish, hopefully glancing around. Ashley swears she can feel her heart melting.

"Can we look at that one?" asks Ashley, motioning towards the cage.

"Ah, that's our only little one...came without a name," says Sal, finding the key. "Poor thing. Must've lost her mom. Found her shivering in a box, sitting on some wet newspaper. She's in way better health after we got a hold of her."

"That's so sad," whispers Ashley.

They walk into the stray's cage, Ashley patting her knees, hunching forward.

"Come here, girl," says Ashley, smiling. "Come here."

The dog looks skeptically at her, then inches towards her. It smells her hand, then wags its tail. Ashley pats the dog's head.

"She likes you," beams Craig.

Ashley holds out her hands, and the dog immediately hops into her arms. She laughs, glances at Craig.

"Craig, are you sure?" says Ashley.

"Well, he's already chosen you, so we might as well choose him," answers Craig.

"How am I going to explain this to my mom?" wonders Ashley aloud, cradling the dog, who is trying to lick her face.

"I'll keep her at Joey's," offers Craig.

"Joey wouldn't care?" says Ashley.

"Nah, it's alright," assures Craig. "Can I hold her?"

Ashley beams, begins to hand the dog over to Craig. She barks, very loudly, so much that even Sal flinches.

"What, do I smell?" says Craig.

"She can get quite skittish," explains Sal. "Sure she'll warm up to you eventually."

The dog barks again, grits her teeth at Craig.

"Hey, I'm paying for you, alright," chastises Craig. "I deserve a little respect."

While Sal and Craig discuss paperwork, Ashley grins. The dog is a great gift, but she still isn't sure about this whole apartment concept. She wanted to concentrate on school instead of balancing school and work. Plus, it all seems so rushed and she's enjoying simply being with him again.

"Got a name for her yet?" prods Craig.

"Mmm...she's definitely feisty. I'm going to name her Janis, after Janis Joplin. Great singer."

"Janis...I like it," says Craig.

Janis barks at Craig again, trying to jump at him. Craig backs up.

"Stop," instructs Ashley, and Janis obeys, keeping a sharp eye on Craig.

"I must love you, Ash...so much," says Craig, shaking his head at Janis.

III.

Manny flicks the little Audrey Hepburn bobblehead on the side desk, desperate to have any noise in the video store. It produces a little whirring sound, then stops. This is worse than she thought. After the monumental ski trip, she originally had in her mind that Toby would be by her side, instructing her some more, offering helpful criticism. Instead, he's nowhere to be seen, and she can't blame him. Christian is there, assisting her when he can.

Christian comes out from the backroom, pen behind his ear.

"Stop flicking that," says Christian.

"Sorry," says Manny. "Are you sure Toby's not coming?"

"Yep," replies Christian. "Came in yesterday, started switching up his shifts. But it's good for you because you'll get a taste of what it's like when Clara and Toby go off to their little computer thing."

No, it's not good for me, thinks Manny. He hates me. He can't be around me. And Toby and Clara off together? She grips down hard on the counter.

"You're ruining your nails," observes Christian.

"Oh...yeah," says Manny, letting the counter go.

"Can we turn the speakers back on?" says Manny. "I mean, people like music. It would draw people in."

Christian takes the pen from behind his ear, taps his chin with it. Manny gives him a bright smile.

"Well, Toby likes the radio too, so why not?" says Christian. "I don't care either way. Oh, and look, you have your first customer as an individual cashier. I have to make a business call. Let me know if you have any problems."

"But...," protests Manny, staring at his back, then up ahead.

J.T., the worst person who could possibly walk through that door. Cool it, Manny, she thinks. Can't mess this up. He walks up, smirking, wearing a nice coat and some jeans.

"Good evening!" greets Manny. "Welcome to Hollywood Video Hut! How may I help you?"

"Good evening, Manny," says J.T., a little too friendly. "How are you?"

"Fine," replies Manny, worriedly.

"Alright then," says J.T., taking out a piece of paper. "Let's see. I want _American Pie 2_, _Clown Academy, Bruce Almighty, Police Academy 1 _and _2, Old School_..."

"Wait, wait," interrupts Manny. "Are you having some kind of comedy festival or something? That's a lot."

"I don't have time for small talk," says J.T., clearly annoyed. "I also would like _Memento, Batman Begins, _the _Batman _with that tasty Michelle Pfieffer..."

"I don't...I don't know that one," admits Manny.

"Well, look it up," says J.T. "You do know how to use a computer, don't you?"

Manny frowns, types something into the computer, and is able to find the actress' name listed. "_Batman Returns_."

"Nice job, although Clara would've known what I was talking about," says J.T. "Moving on, I also want..."

"Give me the list, J.T., and...," suggests Manny, rolling her eyes.

"No, because I need the list," says J.T. "You should have it committed to memory. The last two are easy. _Austin Powers_ _Goldmember _and _Daredevil."_

"Okay," says Manny, heading for the backroom.

She pulls out the videos, remembering the best she can. She says a silent congratulations to herself, comes back, her arms loaded. Setting them on the desk, J.T. sorts through them. Manny asks for J.T.'s card but stops when he cries "Wait!"

"What is it?" asks Manny.

"I wanted _American Pie 2, _the first one I called off," says J.T., dropping the DVD on the counter.

"Um, I didn't see that one. It must be checked out."

"Go check again, please," instructs J.T. "And I don't have much time."

Manny takes a deep breath, goes back and looks. Nope, it isn't there.

"Gone," says Manny, trying very hard to maintain her smile.

"That basically ruined my evening," says J.T., leaning on the counter. "The sequel's so much more interesting. Then again, you'd know a thing or two about sequels, right, Manny?"

"Huh? Not following," replies Manny.

"I mean, this movie's good, but there's a better sequel I should've written down. It's about this girl who dates one of her best friends, then breaks his heart because she's so selective."

Manny closes her eyes, pulse racing. "Very classy, J.T."

"Or his name isn't Craig," continues J.T. "Manny, you are really something else."

"Look who's talking!" exclaims Manny. "You've become such a jerk because of this whole pageant thing. And you know nothing about this situation. You aren't involved, okay?"

"Okay, I watch my best friend cry and I'm not involved?" shoots back J.T.

Manny rubs her forehead, her hand shaking. An image of Toby crying makes her feel like she's been cut in half.

"Please...just stop it, J.T.," begs Manny.

"Why? You don't like it when the truth is thrown in your face?" exclaims J.T.

"I care about him, okay?" exclaims Manny, eyes tearing up. "If I cared about you as much as I do for Toby, then maybe it would've been different. My relationship with Toby is different! It is."

J.T.'s entire face falls. "That's sweet of you, Manny. You're saying our relationship was just some pit stop on the Craig highway."

"No, what I'm saying is we worked as friends. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I don't care about you and me, alright? But I don't believe you when you spout all this different stuff when it comes to Toby."

"I'm not lying," cries Manny.

"Then prove it," says J.T., harshly, pounding the counter, making some tapes fall, then leaving the store.

IV.

Jay belches loudly, a bowl of popcorn on his lap, puts a hand down his pants. The TV showcases an episode of _Instant Star_, the lead character singing her heart out. Sean shakes his head, pulls a soda out of the refrigerator.

"I love you freeloading Jay, having no privacy," says Sean, sarcastically, walking to the sofa.

"Dude, I love this one, with the hip-hop guy cheating on her!" shouts Jay, excitedly. "Playas they gon' play."

"Move," instructs Sean, forcing Jay to scoot over.

Jay offers him some popcorn, but Sean declines.

"Jay, really, _Instant Star_ marathon?" says Sean.

"It's good!" insists Jay. "And it's not like I have a girlfriend to chill with. Can't believe Alex didn't want to talk to me. She didn't ask about me at all on your rinky dink trip?"

"No," replies Sean. "And thanks for replacing my Cheez-os with Power Ranger fruit snacks."

"Don't knock those, man," says Jay. "No nutritional value equals good, okay? Why are you so moody?"

"No reason," lies Sean.

He knows the real reply. Ellie hasn't contacted him ever since the blow-up with Mrs. Nash. Sure, it'd been a few days, but still, why isn't she calling? He would probably never see her again. Her mother may've convinced her that yeah, he is bad news, no matter what he says to her.

"I get it," says Jay. "Your own personal Jude is riling you up."

"What?" says Sean, looking away from Jay.

"Yep, the cute little redhead you left behind," says Jay, confidently. "You got the Nash rash again."

"The Nash rash?"

"Makes you all red and sweaty, hot and anxious, makes you want to touch yourself. She was on the trip right?"

"You're sick. One, Ellie's not a rash...," starts Sean.

"Some rashes you don't want to get rid of. Others, yeah, you need a prescription or something."

"Shut up."

Jay chuckles. "Relax. Does she still hate you?"

"No," says Sean. "But her mom does."

"See, Mrs. Nash is the rash you want to get rid of," asserts Jay. "Dude, parents aren't obstacles if you know the right procedure. Keep it on the down low, nobody has to know."

"We're not Craig and Manny, alright?" says Sean.

"Fine then, Cameron," says Jay. "You just have to wait around then, missing her. Like Jude misses Tommy on the road. So alone, so sad, so without sex."

Sean sighs. He really does miss Ellie, and not hearing from her was killing him. Stinkin', manipulative Jay.

"I want to see her," says Sean.

"Then I propose a party to end all parties," says Jay, sitting up, grinning widely. "Let's shake the walls of this oh so lonely apartment, live it up before you go back to work."

"A party?"

"Tell Ellie to say she's sleeping over Lexi's, then invite Lexi, Lexi calls El, and she and El come over to party, and our babes will be here, no time flat. Lexi can't resist a good party," explains Jay. "I'll chip in for beer...well, some of it."

Hmm, his plan might work. It's not like he hasn't thrown a party at his place before, and he's not under student welfare anymore.

"No Montreal Crew?" says Sean, pointedly.

"Nope," promises Jay. "Mmmm, got to go freshen up."

Sean takes out his cellphone, begins dialing Alex's number. Jay turns down the volume of the TV, starts to head towards the shower.

"Stop using up all my soap!" shouts Sean, before Alex picks up.

V.

Toby buttons his vest, closes the cash register, as snow begins to fall outside. No matter what he does, he's cold. Before the ski trip, it had been notably warm. He could even wear short sleeves on some days without shivering. Today, it's so cold, the air from outside is seeping through. It is, however, no match for the lack of warmth he felt all day. It was such a long day too. He called Clara after leaving the center, apologizing for not helping with the equipment, and she sounded understanding. He thinks she probably heard about what happened backstage. With her sorting magazines in the backroom, he made it a point not to bring it up now.

"It's freezing," complains Clara, going next to Toby at the register.

"Agreed," says Toby. "Did you turn the speakers on before I got here?"

"Yeah, Uncle Christian turned them on for Manny, because she hates quiet," replies Clara.

"Oh," says Toby, dropping his eyes.

"I've been like singing Japanese pop songs in my head to keep my lips from turning blue," says Clara. "What have you been doing?"

"Trying not to think about how cold it is," replies Toby.

Clara rubs his back. "Is that all you're trying not to think about?"

He blows out a deep breath, stares at a monitor showing _Rush Hour 2_. He's not really watching the movie, wishes he hadn't watched Manny clam up, pretend as if he's some plague. It was as good as being smacked in the face forty times, like one of these action actors pummeling him.

"You shouldn't have to go through stuff like that," says Clara.

"I don't...," starts Toby.

"You don't deserve it," interrupts Clara. "Manny's not the right girl for you, Toby. She doesn't know the Sailor senshi or about dot coms. I bet she doesn't know what a manga is. She probably thinks it's a fruit."

Toby sets his head on his elbow. He sort of liked that Manny was clueless about those things. He's not sure why, but he liked sharing things with her.

"You need someone...that's not...that's not afraid to be with you," stammers Clara, blushing.

Toby gulps. Oh boy, this had to be Clara at her most forward. A huge hint. He stays quiet, though he's sure that's the last thing she wants him to do.

"I...I'm going to get us something hot to drink?" offers Clara.

He nods his head, vigorously, anxious to relieve the tension in the room.

"I gotta...staple stuff," mutters Toby, grabbing two random pieces of paper and stapling.

Clara heads towards the door, stops in her tracks.

"Um...um, Manny's sitting on the curb right outside," whispers Clara, glancing at Toby.

Toby drops the stapler, not sure he heard her right. Recovering, he walks next to Clara, sees Manny parked on the curb outside, staring off into the distance.

"How long has she been out there?" whispers Toby.

"Who cares?" says Clara. "If she's not gone by the time I get back, I'll ask her politely to leave. You don't need this right now."

What is she doing here, wonders Toby. Manny has on a long coat, moving her legs up and down, looks so scared and lost in the neon lights of the _Hollywood Video Hut_ sign.

"It's okay, Toby," says Clara, hugging him. "I'll be right back."

Clara lets him go, exits the store. Toby disappears into the backroom, not wanting to see Manny anymore. The song from the speakers latches onto his ears, his temperature rising.

I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know

Toby folds his arms. I can't face her, he thinks. But she is there. What does that mean? Does she want to talk? He could at least invite her in, get her out of the cold. Sighing, he heads back into the main room, stares at her. His heart nearly stops when she stares back at him.

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
Thats why I need you to here

He sees tears streaming down her cheeks, then she looks away. It has to be worse than the night he found her after Craig dumped her, because he's feeling the same pain, the same distance. Manny stares back out into the street, wrapping her arms around herself. I can't let her freeze, he thinks, pushing through the door. 

"You...you shouldn't be out here in the cold," says Toby.

"I was going to wait until you got off work," says Manny, her breath circulating in the air. "Then, Clara left, so..."

Really, he thinks. She was going to wait that long?

"Oh," says Toby, softly.

"This is the first snow," says Manny, staring up at the sky. "I came back from the center, and suddenly, all these flakes were falling."

"Yeah, they didn't say it was going to snow," says Toby, shaking as a swift breeze blows by. "It really is freezing, Manny."

"I...I don't care," replies Manny, her lips trembling. "I'd rather feel nothing than what I'm feeling."

"Please come in," says Toby. "It's not that warm, but you won't get sick."

Manny nods, lets Toby take her hand, and they walk into the store. Toby goes back to his place behind the cash register, while Manny mills around, checks out the new releases.

"Remember when I came in looking for _Clueless_, when I found out about this job, when you gave me free popcorn?" says Manny, smiling shyly. "What was it like? A decade ago?"

Toby's lips tighten. No, she was in, and he didn't have to talk to her. Clara's right. I didn't deserve that.

"Because I keep replaying it...like when it started, us interacting more," says Manny, walking up to the counter.

He clears his throat, won't meet her eyes.

"When we started," says Manny, reaching for his hand.

Toby takes his hand away, peers down at the floor.

"Toby...," begins Manny.

"What is this, Manny?" says Toby, glaring at her.

"I...I don't know," says Manny.

"No one's here, so it's fine, right? You can't do this to me."

Manny runs a hand through her hair. "No...no, I was scared...I'm sorry."

"Guys get scared too, Manny," says Toby. "Kendra...I can't...I can't open up anymore."

Toby heads for the backroom, but Manny blocks him, blinking back tears.

"It's not like I'm not opening up too!" whispers Manny. "I've been wanting Craig so long, chasing after something that's not there, and you're here...and you look at me the way I want, talk to me the way I want...it's hard."

"Yeah, but I'm not the person you want to be seen with," says Toby. "Go, Manny. Just go. I don't need to be your safety guy or the rebound guy, or whatever guy you need before Craig shows up."

"I don't want Craig!" exclaims Manny. "He treated me so bad."

"Well, Nate or whatever guy that fits."

"We were friends first, Toby," says Manny, sniffling. "You think I don't care about you? Why am I here then?"

"Maybe we should stay friends, because...because you can't keep me making me care for you so much...and then, like pulling back."

Manny slowly walks to the front of the counter, tears shining on her face.

"You can't," repeats Toby, staring straight into her eyes.

She backs away, shaking her head.

"I don't...I don't kiss people I don't care about, not like I mean it," says Manny. "I thought you knew that."

Walking out, he can see the snow swirling around her, as if she were floating in the middle of it, floating away as she walks off.

He sees tears streaming down her cheeks, then she looks away. It has to be worse than the night he found her 


	19. Where's The Party?

**XIX. Where's the Party**

Working Monday through Friday  
Takes up all of my time  
If I can get to the weekend  
Everything will work out just fine  
That's when I can go crazy  
That's when I can have fun  
Time to be with my baby  
Time to come undone

Where's the party  
I want to free my soul  
Where's the party  
I want to lose control  
Where's the party  
I want to free my soul  
Where's the party  
I want to lose control

Couldn't wait to get older  
Thought I'd have so much fun  
I guess I'm one of the grown-ups  
Now I have to get the job done  
People give me the business  
I'm not living in fear  
I'm just living in chaos  
Gotta get away from here

Don't want to grow old too fast  
Don't want to let the system get me down  
I've got to find a way to make the good times last  
And if you show me how, I'm ready now

Slow down you move too fast  
Gonna make the good times last  
Gonna let my hair hang down  
I'm ready now

Slow down you move too fast  
Gonna make the good times last  
Gonna let my hair hang down  
I'm ready now  
Where's the party  
Where's the party  
Someone tell me  
Where's the party  
Come on, come on, come on  
Where's the party

Come stay  
Oh yeah

We can make it all right  
We can make you dance  
We can make a party last all night

"Manny!" wails Taylor, looking around. "Manny!"

Manny walks over, kneels down next to Taylor at the arts and crafts table, having barely heard him because the room is so loud with the kids talking excitedly or pelting each other with macaroni. She halts Ryan from throwing macaroni at Harry, and Harry starts to cry. Ryan holds up his glue bottle threateningly, and Manny shoots him a sharp look.

"Don't make me take that Elmer's away from you!" warns Manny.

Ryan opens it, starts gluing dry pasta to his piece of paper.

"What is it, Taylor?" asks Manny.

"I forgot," says Taylor.

Ugh, thinks Manny, wanting to flop down on the floor and not get up. Instead, Mrs. O' Neill taps her on the shoulder, and motions for Manny to follow her to a small corner.

"So the DVD player is on the fritz, so movie day is shot," says Mrs. O' Neill.

"What?" moans Manny. "That's the only time when they're not bouncing off the walls. You don't have a VCR or anything or a DVD player at home?"

"I listen to the radio and read," replies Mrs. O' Neill. "I know that's foreign to you teenagers, but was never one for TV. No...no, you'll just have to think of an alternative activity."

"But...," starts Manny.

"Manny, I let you go on your little trip for three days, so you can lead them for one day. They like you, listen to you. Just remember it should be art-related to match the curriculum."

Just great. It's not enough that she gets embarrassed in front of her peers. Now, she'd be embarrassed in front of five to ten-year olds if she didn't come up with something good.

"Manny, I remembered!" calls out Taylor, proudly. "I saw a man."

"Huh?" says Manny.

"A man by the door," says Taylor.

Manny and Mrs. O' Neill glance at one another, then at the door which one of the kids has left open after coming back from the washroom. Joseph Santos, in a heavy black coat and black dress shoes, stands in the doorway, nervously peering in now and again. Manny feels her throat get tight, but manages to speak.

"That's...that's my dad," whispers Manny to Mrs. O' Neill.

"Oh...well, go ahead," says Mrs. O' Neill. "There shouldn't be a catastrophe for at least a couple minutes."

Manny nods, straightens her skirt, and goes out the door. Her father has a serious expression on his face, but she doesn't think that means something is wrong. She thinks that normally fathers would hug their daughters right now, after months away, and normally he would've said hi by now. No, Joseph stood there awkwardly, waiting for her to speak.

"It's good to see...to see you, Dad," says Manny, her hands shaking. "Um...is everything alright?"

"I came to let you know that...that you may come Monday to pick up your things. Your mother will be there," says Joseph, staring stoically down at her.

Manny bites her lip. I was hoping you'd be the one to let me in, not Mom. Well, he had come to see her in person. That was something.

"It won't take long," assures Manny.

"I'll...I'll leave a box in your room, near your bookcase," says Joseph, and that time Manny could detect the smallest hint of sadness, but she couldn't be sure.

The thought that he may be sad both touched her and depressed her. She wants to hug him, break the wall, lower her defenses, help him lower his. They were flesh and blood, as corny as that sounds. We have to have some connection, thinks Manny.

"Thank you," says Manny.

Cautiously, she steps forward, puts her arms around his waist, lays her head against the front of his thick jacket. The jacket is so thick, but she feels so close to him.

"It's just a box," says Joseph, tenderly taking her arms from him.

Manny's entire chest sinks, sad that he's broken that contact.

"So what do you do here?" asks Joseph, looking into the room where Ryan is using Taylor as a dartboard with his macaroni.

"Watch over them," says Manny, shrugging. "They're a handful, but I care about them. I got a job at the video store, so that's been cutting into my time with them, but it's nice that they appreciate me, like I'm not forgotten about."

"Well...you're not easy to forget about," says Joseph, not looking her in the eyes.

Manny smiles, avoids his eyes too.

"And I like that...that you have a job," continues Joseph. "Builds character."

She swallows a lump in her throat. Those were two nice things he said, back to back. Maybe she can visit home after the first visit. After the first visit, it would be more welcoming, less difficult.

"Dad...Dad, do you think I can come home for Christmas, to spend the day?" asks Manny, timidly.

"Ask your mom on Monday," replies Joseph.

He turns, heads down the hallway, Manny mulling over the response. It isn't a no on the positive side. And being Christmas, he'd be home that day too. She beams, peeps into the classroom once before taking out her cellphone. She punches in some numbers, and Emma picks up after the third ring.

"Hello?" says Emma.

"Em, you won't believe what happened," says Manny. "My dad came to the center, and I might be spending Christmas with them."

"That's tight, Manny!" exclaims Emma.

Manny hits her head lightly with her cellphone. "Stop using slang. It's not cute."

"Spinner just told me what hyphy means," says Emma.

"Wait...he's there with you?" shouts Manny.

"Um...yeah," says Emma, and Manny indeed hears a whisper on the other end.

"You and your reformed bad boys," says Manny, shaking her head.

"Don't put down my boy situation when you've got one of your own. Speaking of which, what are you going to do about Toby?"

What am I going to do about Toby? After that depressing conversation with him in the store, she's not sure what to do. It hurt her, but he was very honest, just like J.T. That's one more thing to like about him, she thinks. He's so open. She can be open too. It's the only way to make him see, make herself see the potential.

"I need to...need to show I'm open," says Manny. "Open to being with him."

"Didn't you do that last night?" prods Emma.

"Yeah...but I failed."

"Be more aggressive then," says Emma. "You were with Craig. You asked him out...among other more scandalous things. Where's the persistent Manny I know? Ask Toby out."

Ask him out? That might work. Manny thinks she hears the phone being passed.

"Kendra was aggressive too," says Spinner.

"Who invited you into this conversation?" says Manny, rolling her eyes. "Don't you have to go back to your other girlfriend, the one that's so nicely standing by while you flirt with my BFF?"

"You want my advice or not?" says Spinner.

"Fine."

"I think you should pay too," instructs Spinner.

"Why?" moans Manny.

"Shy guys like it when you make a move,"adds Spinner.

"I agree," says Emma, grabbing the phone back. "Especially since you hurt him."

"I put all my earnings in my piggy bank after paying your parents for groceries," says Manny, shaking her head. "I'd have to break her."

"Then it's time to break Princess Pork!" orders Emma.

"No!" gasps Manny. "Not Princess Pork!"

"Manny, you have to do it!" says Emma. "Break Princess Pork."

"She's getting fat, though. Like I can't stick a dollar in her tummy."

"Manny..."

"Alright, alright!. Man, I hate both of you."

"We love you too," says Emma. "Bye."

Emma clicks off, Manny frowning down at her phone.

What if Toby says no? It definitely wasn't a sure thing. The way he mentioned how he couldn't open up because of Kendra last night...yeah, she knew there was a reason he wasn't dating. Still, what if he said yes? Sometimes you have to make a move, like her dad coming down today, or her going to the video store. One more chance. They need one more chance.

II.

_Sleigh bells ring, are you listening, in the lane, snow is glistening..._

The merry song streams out of Ellie's radio, as she peels Scotch tape off a roll and puts it on a half-wrapped present for Craig. She hopes he likes this film biography of Jimi Hendrix.

"Jimmy?" asks Marco.

"Yeah, Jimi Hendrix," says Ellie.

"No, I mean, is it for Jimmy?"

"Oh, no, Craig."

Marco opens up another roll of wrapping paper, then grabs the scissors.

"Thanks for not saying anything about my oh so wonderful wardrobe," says Ellie, glancing down at her scruffy blue robe and warm, wool socks.

"Nah, be a scrub," comforts Marco.

"Way to make me feel sexy," laughs Ellie, throwing a bow at him.

Marco picks up the bow, and attaches it to a gift he's finished.

"Like you and Sean hottubbing didn't make you feel like Angelina Jolie. That's one hot situation that I'm sure Sean has lodged in his mind."

Ellie blushes, then frowns. "He hasn't called, though."

"He's going to," reassures Marco.

"Alex called me...something about a party."

"Where?"

"I don't know. Her house? She just invited me and then Chad had to use the phone, so it wasn't a long conversation. But I've wrapped these presents, and I don't want to wait here waiting for him to call me so a party would be a good distraction.."

Marco sighs. "Um, idea. You call him."

"I'm afraid to. What am I going to say? Sorry for my mom yelling at you and she hates you, oh yeah, what do you want for Christmas?"

"Bonus to being single. Don't have to shop for Dylan anymore."

Ellie groans, lays her head down on the carpeted floor. The doorbell sounds, and she lazily stands, leaves Marco in her room. Opening the door, she sees Craig, wearing his leather jacket and carrying a gift bag. Instinctively, she tries to hide behind the door. She really didn't want her former crush to see her so unpretty.

"Too unqualified to wrap," admits Craig, handing over the bag.

"Awww, thanks," says Ellie, taking the bag. "I'll give you yours soon."

"Sure," says Craig. "Um...you have tape on your wrist."

Ellie glances down. "Oops, that's where I stuck it."

"So are you going to the party?" asks Craig.

"Oh, Alex's party?"

"Yeah, it's at Sean's...so I'm surprised you didn't know. Sean invited Ash, who invited me."

The party is at Sean's? She wishes Alex would've clued her in. Then again, if she told her mom that she was over Alex's without knowing she was at Sean's, she wouldn't be technically lying to her mom.

"Craig...does Ms. Kerwin know about you and Ash part three?" says Ellie, softly.

"No," says Craig, bluntly. "Kate would kill me."

"And you don't feel bad about it?"

Craig smirks. "Parents don't have to approve of people you date, Ellie. It's nice when they do, but..."

Suddenly, she hears the click of heels advancing to them. Mrs. Nash pats Craig on the back, smiles at Ellie.

"Hey, Craig," greets Mrs. Nash, enthusiastically.

"Hey, Mrs. Nash. I'm dropping off Ellie's gift," says Craig.

"How sweet of you," says Mrs. Nash. "You're so thoughtful when it comes to my daughter. Walking her to group during the summer, studying with her...simply great."

No, stop it now, thinks Ellie. What is she doing? Ellie glances down at her socks.

"Well, Ellie's great, so it's not a problem," shrugs Craig, giving Ellie a small smile.

"Would you like to come in?" offers Mrs. Nash. "I've got hot chocolate."

"With marshmallows?" says Craig, practically drooling.

"Yes," replies Mrs. Nash. "Ellie, stop standing behind the door like you're a spy, and let us in."

Ellie clicks her tongue, receiving a stern stare from Mrs. Nash, lets Craig and her mother through the door. Mrs. Nash heads for the kitchen, Craig sitting at the table. Mrs. Nash glances over at Ellie, still standing awkwardly in the living room.

"Ellie, get Craig a cup," says Mrs. Nash.

Taking small steps, she goes to the cupboard and retrieves a coffee cup for Craig.

"Marco's in the other room, so maybe..." begins Ellie.

"No, let Marco do what he has to do. No need to interrupt him," interrupts Mrs. Nash. "So, Craig, how's school? Still doing well?"

"Yes, I'm hoping to get a scholarship somewhere," replies Craig. "Maybe in music."

"Oh, we're sure you'll get one, right, Ellie?" says Mrs. Nash, filling a kettle with water.

Ellie politely smiles, sees Craig's whole face light up.

"It's so nice to see a young man with ambition, heading to college, bigger and better things," praises Mrs. Nash. "You and Ellie are on the right track."

"Hopefully," says Craig. "Ellie's a genius, though. I'm only hanging in there."

Ellie wants to bang her head against the stove. Could her mother be any more obvious? Sean has goals, she feels like shouting. Sean's on to bigger and better things.

For the next few minutes, Mrs. Nash prods Craig about what music he listens to, what colleges he's applying to, Ellie all the while leaning against the same counter, not talking. She hoped that would've halted this moment, that her mother would get that this was uncomfortable, but no, her mother never shut up.

"I have to head out," says Craig, downing the rest of his hot chocolate. "Thanks. I'll be warm on the way home."

"Oh, I hope to see you again," says Mrs. Nash, walking with Craig to the door. "We hope this isn' t the last time."

"Yeah?" says Craig, clearly puzzled. "Bye Ellie."

"Bye!" shouts Ellie after him.

Mrs. Nash smiles, closes the door behind Craig.

"That was slightly less embarrassing than an auction with me up for sale," complains Ellie, glaring at her mother. "Want to call Marco in next so he can pass all your credentials? Too bad...he's not interested. They're both not interested."

"Ellie, I thought you liked him," says Mrs. Nash.

"I did, but..."

"He's so sweet, making sure you got your Christmas present early."

"Mom, he does that. He's an early shopper. It's not romantic or cute or whatever. Like Marco got me something the day after Thanksgiving."

"And you being all shy in your robe. I know you still like him. He called you a genius..."

"I have to go wrap," says Ellie, covering her ears, practically running to her room.

Unbelievable, she thinks. I don't want to think about the Craig crush, or the fact that Ashley hates me, or the fact that you, Mom, can't get a clue.

Ellie goes to her room, slams the door, startling Marco. Marco raises his eyebrow.

"Party time," says Ellie. "Wanna go?"

III.

Jeff Isaacs does a small shuffle with his feet, pretends to dip the bowl he holds. Seeing his father dance around the kitchen has to be one of the most disturbing sights Toby has ever witnessed. Well, at that point in time, it felt like it. Preparing Hanukkah dinner was never stressful for Jeff, even if he has around twenty people to cook for, more if his cousins flew in from New York. He thought Jeff marrying Kate would cut down the attendance, but no, some of Toby's mother's relatives came in to see him specifically. It's a nice gesture, but that didn't make the table less crowded. Kate's living room wasn't that big to begin with.

"Counting down to the big meal," says Jeff, seeing Toby hang around the entrance to the kitchen. "Doing a test run for the desserts. You wanna help?"

"Uh...not this second," says Toby. "Sorry."

"Aww, Ashley helped make the dreidel-shaped cookies," says Jeff. "Come on."

"Later, okay?" says Toby.

Jeff gives him a disappointed look. "Okay. But be thinking about who you want to invite. J.T. maybe?"

"I...I don't know," says Toby.

"What about your friend Clara, from the store? I see her uncle at synagogue. They can come, right? At least Clara won't eat all the jelly doughnuts like J.T."

Toby unzips his jacket. Hmm, he knows Christian and Clara rarely eat home-cooked food, and they were always kind to him in the store.

"Sure, why not?" says Toby.

"Great," says Jeff. "I'll add them to the guest list."

Toby shrugs, starts to head up the stairs, bumping into Ashley, who is wearing jeans, and a black top that shows off her waist. Ashley hurriedly puts on her coat, puts a finger to her lips.

"Uh, where are you going?" asks Toby.

"None of your business," says Ashley.

"And why do you have white fur on your coat?"

Ashley looks at the collar of her coat. "I don't know."

"You shedding?"

"Shut up. Don't you have to help your dad cook?"

"I got a better idea. You go help him."

"I already did those cookies, and I'm not even going to the thing. I'll be out with Craig."

I'm so sick of hearing about Craig, thinks Toby. Manny drooled over him, Ashley can't get enough of him, and rumor has it Ellie liked him at one point too.

"Of course...Craig, the guy that's so perfect."

"No one's perfect, Toby," says Ashley. "We all make mistakes. I just care about him too much to let it get in the way. And he cares about me the same."

Toby scratches his neck. Why did she say that at exactly the right time, when he's aware that you should forgive someone for their mistakes? And he does care for Manny, a lot more than he ever expected to. He didn't sleep at all last night, the picture of her sitting outside so alone burned into his brain. It almost feels like she's trying. At the same time, it feels like he's showing how he cares more than she is. But do you measure those things?

"Who are you thinking about?" asks Ashley, laughing. "You're completely gone."

"None of your business," snaps Toby.

"You don't have to tell me," says Ashley. "I know it's Clara."

Ashley playfully slaps his shoulder, walks out of the room.

Toby sighs, sits on the couch, glances at the phone, but doesn't make the first move.

IV.

Sean ducks as a couch pillow is thrown over his head, loud music blaring from some speakers. The pillow just misses Towerz, popping and locking, while a group of Jay's friends clap to the beat.

There has to be around thirty people in there already, and it's only nine o' clock. Moving the furniture to one corner of the room didn't take much effort; it's not like he had a ton of it. Jay smuggled in some beer, which Sean mostly paid for, and Sean picked up some chips, pretzels, anything that could be scarfed by the sober and the drunk. Additionally, Jay had found some red light bulbs, so now the whole room is illuminated in red, with dim, florescent light flowing in from the kitchen.

"Yo Towerz, man!" says Jay, lifting up a beer battle in salute. "Cheers to you for bringing in some good tunes!"

"Cheers to Towerz!" praises the rest of Jay's friends, lifting up their bottles.

Towerz pumps a fist in the air in an acknowledgment of thanks, then goes back to dancing.

When is Ellie going to show, groans Sean, inwardly. He called Alex first, and she said she was coming. He also invited Ashley, which he knew may have not been the best thing to do since she and Ellie were on the outs, but he hoped she'd be able to help him out in the Mrs. Nash department.

"Jay!" shouts Sean, heading over towards him.

"Oh, look at you in your fanciest jeans, Cameron, trying to impress your girl," says Jay, chuckling. "This party is seriously slammin'."

"It's a good party," agrees Sean. "Would be better if she showed up."

"A, it's not a good party if the cops don't show up," says Jay, tapping Sean in the chest with his bottle. "B, it's only nine. Things will heat up, and I do mean heat up."

"What?" says Sean.

"Dancing's foreplay, man," says Jay, winking. "You and El. You can either be the bull who goes for the pretty red cape, or just look at the cape, salivating. Choice is up to you. But word of caution, be prepared if you charge the cape."

"Where do you come up with this stuff?" says Sean, softly.

Jay laughs, goes to get another beer in the kitchen. Sean hears a knock at the door, opens it to Alex, Paige, Marco, and Ellie. Alex and Paige look great, their coats unzipped, Paige in a nice red top and skinny black pants and Alex in a tight white shirt and black miniskirt, but he can't keep his eyes off Ellie. She wears a jean jacket over a form-fitting, little black dress, slightly showing some leg. It wasn't as tight as Paige or Alex's outfits, but boy did Jay's bull analogy make sense right then.

"Hey," greets Sean, staring at Ellie.

Ellie shyly looks at Sean, then at Alex.

"Told you I could get her here," boasts Alex. "Don't be a doorstop. Let us in."

Sean moves, letting the girls and Marco come in. He grabs Ellie's hand.

"You look amazing," he whispers in her ear.

"Thank you," whispers Ellie. "I'm glad I'm here."

"So am I," says Sean.

"New jeans?"

"Uh...I had these lying around."

That's such a lie. He bought them this morning.

"I like them," says Ellie, kissing his cheek.

Sean can see Jay's head rise above the crowd, him obviously searching for Alex. He beams when he sees them, makes his way over.

"Sexy Lexi makes an appearance," says Jay, grinning at Alex.

"I come out for air once in awhile," says Alex. "You know, instead of being cooped up in diseased vans."

Paige coughs, trying to hold in a laugh.

"There's more air on the dance floor," says Jay, obviously unfazed. "Care to get crunk?"

"With you? Uh-uh," replies Alex.

Sean watches Jay nod towards Towerz, who changes CDs, and presses a button.

_Passion, instant  
Sweat me, feel me  
Cupid's shot me  
My heartbeat's racing  
Tempt me, drive me  
Feels so exciting  
Thought of highly  
It's yours entirely _

"But Lexi...this is one of your faves," says Jay. "I'll keep my hands off you, I swear. Come on, for old time's sake."

Alex licks her lips, stares over at Paige, who shrugs.

"Fine," agrees Alex. "No touching."

Alex grabs Jay by the collar, yanking a smiling Jay out onto the dance floor. They move to the beat a little, with Jay making a grab for her waist. Alex shoves him lightly away.

"Washroom?" says Paige to Sean.

"I'll meet you by the munchies, Paige," says Marco, heading for the pretzels.

Sean points Paige towards the washroom, and Paige leaves him and Ellie alone. Sean nods his head to the music, not sure how to begin this conversation. He had hoped he could talk to Ashley before getting into it with Ellie about her mom, how they could continue what started on the trip. Ellie appears just as cautious, frowning, looking at Sean now and then.

"You want to dance?" asks Sean, thinking that might calm her fears.

"I'm rhythm challenged," says Ellie, smiling.

"No...no you're not," protests Sean. "You're a good dancer. At the house parties we had, you...you can definitely keep up."

Ellie beams. "Really?"

"Yeah, better than Towerz," says Sean.

"Okay."

Sean puts an arm around Ellie, leads her to the floor.

_I'll be more than a lover  
More than a woman  
More than your others  
I'll be more than a lover  
More than a woman  
More than enough for you  
I'll be more than a lover  
More than a woman_

He puts an arm around her waist, swaying, heart pulsating to the music. Ellie finds the rhythm, gazes into his eyes. He can't recall the last time they danced, and the beat of the song matches his own heartbeat, furious, intense. Maybe Ellie's feeling something similar. That would be nice.

"See?" says Sean. "You can get down."

Ellie smiles, wraps her arms around Sean's shoulders, makes him come closer.

_Midnight grindin'  
My heartrate's climbin'  
You go, I go  
'Cause we share pillows  
Taste me, Feed me  
There's still no separating_

To his annoyance, he can hear Jay's voice in the back of his mind. There was definitely more than sex on his mind, yet it's there. He and Ellie have more than hormones, or else they would've done it a long time ago, so why can't he control them now? Great, thinks Sean. I'm this close to being Jay. It isn't helping looking into her eyes, seeing the flecks of green, the inviting warmth he remembers from all those days they were together.

Constant pleasures  
No scale can measure  
Secret treasures  
Keeps on getting better  
Do you wanna roll with me?  
We can go to foreign lands  
Your hand in my hand  
Do you wanna ride with me?  
We can be like Bonnie & Clyde  
Be by your side

"What are you thinking?" asks Ellie.

That I'm going to stretch my new jeans with these dirty thoughts, thinks Sean, staring hard at her.

"Um, the truth?" says Sean, trying to come up with an alternative answer.

Ellie presses her lips to his, closes her eyes. Sean lets his mouth follow hers, kissing her more frevently under the red light. Ellie stops, puts her hand on his beating chest.

"Bull wants cape," whispers Sean to himself.

"Huh?" says Ellie, shaking her head.

"Nothing," murmurs Sean, running a hand through his hair. "Wanna go talk?"

She nods, lets Sean take her hand. They maneuver through the crowd, including Jay and Alex bumping and grinding, much to Towerz's amusement. Sean guesses they're only fooling around, that or Alex is teasing him. It's pretty much confirmed as teasing, when he overhears Alex say "And that's what you gave up."

"Lexi!" yells Jay.

That's the last thing Sean hears as he ushers Ellie down the hall, making his way towards his bedroom. There's a scarf on the door, but yeah, whoever was in there would have to get out. Ellie stands by the wall, watches him open the door.

"Hey, I'm paying rent here so you'll...," starts Sean, flicking on the light.

The light reveals Craig and Ashley making out, her sitting in his lap. Ashley tears herself away, blushing. Craig wipes some lipstick from his mouth.

"Sorry," says Ashley, getting up.

"Oh...I didn't see you guys come in," stammers Sean. "Um...do you mind?"

"Yeah, yeah," says Craig, standing, rubbing Ashley's back.

Ashley looks at Ellie, who glances down. Craig and Ashley walk out, hand in hand, Ellie staring at the floor.

"Way to ruin the mood," asserts Sean, reaching for her.

"Um...kinda glad they did, actually," admits Ellie, still staring at the floor.

"El..."

"Sean, I don't know. I want to, but..."

He sighs. "Are you still hung up on Craig?"

"No...no," assures Ellie. "I'm not...not ready. There's all this pressure on us, and I don't want to feel guilty for sleeping with you when it should be stress-free and beautiful and...you get it, right?"

He can't say he's not disappointed, but sure, she has a good reason. He'd just have to tell his hormones to hush, for now.

"Let's go back to the party then," says Sean, kissing her forehead.

Ellie lets out a sigh of relief, hugs Sean.

V.

"Disaster averted," says Craig, settling on the stoop outside Sean's apartment building.

"How many times are we going to get caught in one month?" groans Ashley, sitting, laying her head on Craig's shoulder. "At least we actually went through with it up at the mountain."

"Once we have our own place, no one can walk in on us," assures Craig. "Except Janis."

"Eww, don't say that. The dog watching us have sex? How did Joey take it, anyway?"

Craig stays quiet for a bit. Luckily, Joey was staying over Diane's that night, and Angie was at a sleepover. Janis was up in his room. She never stopped barking at him, or peering at him, immediately ran into the closet when Craig put her down on the floor. Janis stayed in the closet, and wouldn't come out. He tried to lure her out with the chew toys they had bought, singing to her which made her growl more. Of course, Ashley didn't know that, and he didn't feel the need to tell her. Tomorrow would be a different story, but he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. No, let her think everything is fine, that this is all a good idea.

"He loves Janis. In fact, he's watching her tonight," says Craig. "Um...anyway, I checked the classifieds today, and found a great spot right near the school. One-bedroom. Four hundred and fifty a month."

"Craig...that seems pricey. How can we..."

"I'm looking for another job too."

Ashley gives him a weak smile, pats his knee. He could swear he saw a moment of doubt cross her face. No, no, she's on board. Everything will be fine.

"You are one determined guy," says Ashley.

"I'm always determined when it comes to you," says Craig, going in for another kiss.

Craig hears the honk of a horn, headlights shining in his eyes. Ashley shields her eyes as well. Both of their mouths drop as they watch Mrs. Nash get out of the car, angrily walking towards them.

"Should we be worried?" whispers Ashley. "Should El be worried?"

"Yeah," whispers Craig. "Going up to warn her. Stall her as best you can."

"How am I supposed to do that?" demands Ashley.

"Tell her about London," says Craig, then racing up the staircase.

V.

Marco holds a handful of pretzels, moving to the beat. Paige plucks one, chews it.

"I can't believe you're dancing while you eat," says Paige.

"Good way to burn calories," defends Marco. "That's one of my New Year's resolutions. Have six. Number one is to lose weight."

"What weight?" questions Ellie, laughing, Sean's arm around her.

"I can knock you over with a pinky," says Alex.

"Seriously," agrees Paige.

Ellie is glad she came. With Sean there, and being so understanding before, everything is going right. She feels a little bad that she said no, because she definitely wanted him. But personally, she's sure she's not ready, and though she trusts him, it's not to that point where she can completely sleep with him without reservations. She hopes the hesitation fades quickly though, because Sean looks way too hot. She smiles at him, and he winks at her.

Paige and Alex poke Marco with their pinkies, chuckling. Marco stumbles a bit. They all laugh, including Sean.

"No, my foot wasn't rooted in the carpet," says Marco.

"Whatev," says Ellie.

"Enough taunting of Marco," says Alex. "I want to see the star couple out on the floor. Come on, Nash and Cameron."

"No!" squeals Ellie, as Alex pulls her out among the crowd.

"I saw you moving earlier and it was hot," informs Alex. "Come on. I want some entertainment since Jay is puking his guts out in the toilet."

Ellie starts to dance, Alex bumping her with her butt.

Yeah lil mama you lookin good  
I see you wanna play with a player from the hood  
come holla at me, you got it like that  
big Snoop Dogg with the lead Pussycat  
I show you how it go down, yea I wanna throw down  
me and you one-on-one, treat it like a showdown  
you look at me and I look at you  
I'm reachin for your shirt whatchu want me to do?

"Woo!" yells Paige, following, clapping to the beat. "Get jiggy! Wait, is that what you say?"

"You are sooooo white," says Alex, chuckling. "You too, Sean. Even you can dance to the Pussycat Dolls, Eminem."

Sean shrugs, goes behind Ellie, dances with her from behind.

You been saying all the right things all along  
But I can't seem to get you over here to help take this off  
Baby, can't you see?  
How these clothes are fitting on me  
And the heat coming from this beat  
I'm about to blow  
I don't think you know

"Woo, it's getting hot in here!" assesses Marco, joining them.

"Go head girl, go head, get down," raps Alex, as they all circle Sean and Ellie.

Paige giggles, playfully bumps Alex. Ellie cups Sean's face and he leans down and kisses her.

_Now you can get what you want but I need what I need  
Now let me tell you what's crackalackin' before I proceed_

_I'm a show you where to put it at  
PCD on me, yea I thought I saw a puddycat  
Now roll with the big dog_

_All 6 of y'all on me now_

_Tell me how it feel, babydoll..._

_I'm a make you loosen up my buttons babe  
Loosen up my buttons babe  
Why don't you loosen up my buttons babe  
Loosen up my buttons babe_

Out of the corner of her eye, she thinks she views Craig waving at her, but Sean pulls her back in for another kiss, and the music fades, everything fades, except for a voice.

"And the Tube is so clean, especially at Covent Garden," says Ashley, trailing Mrs. Nash.

Ellie feels a sharp hand grab her, whirling her around. Mrs. Nash shoots her the coldest look Ellie has ever seen. This was way worse than the party last year, when she was angry. Now, Ellie notices a twinge of disappointment under all the anger.

"Um...I tried," says Ashley, glancing at Craig.

"You shouldn't have tried at all, Ashley," says Mrs. Nash, throwing Ashley a dirty look. "Whose idea was this?"

"Mine, Mrs. Nash," says Sean, stepping forward.

"Should've known!" exclaims Ms. Nash. "I call Alex's, and Chad says Alex and my daughter went to Sean's to study, which I found very hard to believe. He was half drunk, but he gave me the address."

"I hate Chad," mutters Alex.

"Mom, stop it," whispers Ellie, turning red.

"No, I won't stop it!" shouts Mrs. Nash. "Your dad called, and then he says he'll call back later tonight. I figured you would want to come and talk to him, so I dial your cell. No answer."

Ellie drops her eyes. Of course she wanted to hear from her dad. That was sorta nice of her mother as much as she's currently humiliating her. Towerz turns down the music, Jay stumbling into the room, vomit on his shirt."Now we've probably missed it, because it took me an hour to find this place in this sketchy neighborhood. And here I come to find you with this guy who gets you to sneak out at night."

"I care about Sean, Mom," says Ellie, raising her head, eyes all set on her.

"He left you, with an empty apartment, with bills, like he didn't care. Why should you care about him?"

"I...I...," stammers Ellie, starting to cry.

"I'll pay you back, Mrs. Nash," says Sean, moving Ellie to the side, pulling out his wallet.

"With what money?" says Mrs. Nash, smirking. "Sean, you're seventeen and..."

"I have a job," says Sean. "I don't have much money on me, but I have an account."

He drops his wallet, bending down to pick it up, but Mrs. Nash reaches it first, looks inside, a condom visible for herself, Ellie, Sean, and the rest of their circle to view.

"Like I said, you're seventeen," says Mrs. Nash, taking out the condom. "And it's obvious you have one thing on your mind."

Sean hangs his head, Ellie remaining speechless. What would she say to that, in front of all these people?

"Not my daughter," says Mrs. Nash, thrusting the wallet back into Sean's chest.

Ellie lets more tears fall, brushes past her mother, goes down the stairs into the cool air outside. Missing her dad's call to party stung her, but her mother being so dismissive of Sean stung just as much. A few seconds later, Mrs. Nash joins her on the sidewalk.

"Ellie!" exclaims Mrs. Nash. "I don't know what to say to you. Your seductive dancing, the fact that he has a condom on him, the lie you told me..."

"Yeah, because other guys don't carry around protection," says Ellie, rolling her eyes. "Get a clue, Mom."

"Oh, so I'm supposed to pick up the hints? That condom was a huge hint."

"I'm not going to be a virgin forever, alright!"

"Get in the car," says Mrs. Nash, turning away from Ellie.

Ellie stamps her foot, watches her mother get into the car. She sluggishly opens the car door, flops into the seat. Her anger starts to cool, imagining her father calling home and no one there to answer. She sniffles.

"I missed Dad's call? Really?" moans Ellie, crying, her body shaking.

Mrs. Nash's expression changes from hard to soft, holding out her arms for Ellie. Ellie leans into her mother's arms, tears falling on the sleeve of her coat.

"That's not the only good thing you're missing out on if you stay with someone like Sean, sweetie," says Mrs. Nash, stroking Ellie's face.

"Ugh, whatever, Mom," says Ellie, rising up, shutting her eyes.

"No more lying," says Mrs. Nash, starting the car. "You got me?"

"Yes, ma'am," mutters Ellie.

Let her think what she wants, thinks Ellie. I'm seeing Sean. Craig's right. Parents don't have to approve.

VI.

Emma whistles the funeral dirge, while Manny makes the sound of the cross. Spinner hands Manny a hammer.

"We spent so many happy times together," says Manny.

"In summer, winter, autumn," adds Emma, hugging Manny to her side.

"I remember the way you looked at me with your big, black glassy eyes, will never forget your rouge-covered cheeks, the smile everytime I presented you with gifts."

Spinner chuckles. "Dude, it's just a fake pig."

Emma elbows him. "Show some respect."

Manny positions her piggy bank on the desk, lifts the hammer.

"I can't watch," groans Emma, covering her eyes. "Why didn't you get one of those with the holes underneath?"

"Those were ugly," explains Manny. "So long, Princess."

She hits the bank with a hard smash, glass pink-orange pieces falling to the ground, coins and dollars spilling out. Spinner catches a flyaway five and hands it to Manny.

"Toby better appreciate this," sighs Manny, picking up the broken pig nose.

"He will," assures Emma. "This is so sweet. When are you going to ask him?"

"Oh, I know!" chimes in Spinner. "We're doing tech for the pageant tomorrow."

"Which I made him sign up for," gloats Emma, smiling at Spinner. "Excellent idea, Spin."

"Alright, tomorrow at tech," says Manny.

"Wow, you and Toby? I still can't believe it," says Spinner, then catching Emma's head shaking. "Oh, I mean...yeah, it makes perfect sense."

"Yeah, like the two of you," says Manny, sarcastically, glancing from Emma to Spinner.

"Opposites attract, Manny," says Emma.

"I guess," says Manny, grasping the money tightly. "I just hope Toby feels the same after what I did."

"Trust me," says Emma, placing her hand over Manny's. "Fate is in your hands."


	20. Deeper and Deeper

**XX. Deeper and Deeper **

**Author's Note: The music from the last chapter was unidentified.**

**More Than A Woman is the property of Aaliyah.**

**Buttons is the property of the Pussycat Dolls featuring Snoop Dogg.**

**This chapter's music:**

**Damaged is the property of TLC.**

**If You're Not The One is the property of Daniel Bedingfield.**

**Read and review please. :)**

I can't help falling in love

I fall deeper and deeper the further I go

Kisses sent from heaven above

They get sweeter and sweeter the more that I know

When you know the notes to sing

You can sing most anything

That's what my mama told me

Round and round and round you go

When you find love you'll always know

I let my father mold me

Daddy couldn't be all wrong

Not gonna let you slip away,

I'm gonna be there

And my mama made me learn this song

You're gonna bring your love to me,

I'm gonna get you

That's why The deeper I go

All is fair in love she said

Think with your heart, not with your head

That's what my mama told me

All the little things you do

Will end up coming back to you

I let my father mold me

Someone said that romance was dead

And I believed it instead of remembering

What my mama told me

Let my father mold me

Then you tried to hold me

You remind me what they said

This feeling inside I can't explain

But my love is alive

And I'm never gonna hide it again

Deeper and deeper

and deeper and deeper

Never gonna hide it again

Sweeter and sweeter and sweeter and sweeter

Never gonna have to pretend

You got to just let your body move to the music

You got to just let your body go with the flow

Falling in love, falling in love, falling in love

I can't keep from falling in love with you

You know there's nothing better that I'd like to do

"Janis," calls Craig, softly. "Janis."

There's a rumbling coming from the closet, Craig's fist tight around a rawhide bone. He silently approaches, peers through the slit of the closet door. Janis barks loudly, runs out and bounds towards the bed. She sits up on her hind legs, growling.

"Man, you hate me more than Mrs. Nash hates Sean," mutters Craig, throwing the bone down at the floor near her.

Janis glances at it quickly, then starts to gnaw the bone. Craig tries to pet her, but she goes for his hand. He takes his hand away just in time. We should've gotten that Dalmatian, moans Craig inwardly.

"Craig!" yells a voice from downstairs. "Craig, you home?"

"Joey," whispers Craig, moving to pick up Janis.

Janis runs back to the closet, barking unhappily. He kicks the bone under the bed with his foot. Peeping into the closet, a foul, strong smell enters his noise. He gags, identifies it as urine.

"Rank," mutters Craig, covering his nose.

Janis wags her tail, seeming a little pleased at Craig's discovery.

"Janis, just stay in the closet until Joey leaves alright?" says Craig. "I can't let him find out, especially with Ashley thinking everything's okay."

He feels a strong arm tug him to the side, Joey glaring at him.

"What?" exclaims Joey. "Craig, are you cheating on Ashley again?"

"No! No!" says Craig, turning red. "I..."

"I can't believe you," says Joey, frowning. "And hiding the girl in the closet. That's disgusting, Even I never did that."

"Actually..."begins Craig.

Joey opens the closet door all the way. "Young lady, I'm sorry. My son has no manners. Can I..."

He stops talking, watching Janis scurry proudly across the room, going over to sniff Craig's guitar. Joey looks ready to vomit, scrunching up his nose.

"What's that funky smell?" says Joey, pinching his nose. "Craig!"

"She must've peed...um...that's Janis," answers Craig, struggling but managing to pick Janis up.

"And she belongs to?"

"Ashley...and me," stutters Craig.

Joey rubs his head, sighs. "I'd expect this from Ang, but you? Have you lost it?"

"We're getting an apartment so I don't know...dog makes three?" says Craig, smiling nervously.

"Did you pay any attention to the figures on that paper? The twenty-five cents?"

"Getting another job. And I was going to ask you about some music gigs. Then, I arranged for the Squatch to play for the pageant, even though I haven't told them yet, but they'll do it."

Joey bangs his head with his hand a couple times, but Craig can tell he's softening.

"Joey," says Craig. "Ash and I...we're not like most teenagers. You know that. I've been so responsible this year, haven't I?"

Joey grudgingly nods.

"And Ash...she's responsible, so what's the problem? You can't tell me you didn't want to live with Caitlin in high school."

Joey smiles to himself. It's working, thinks Craig, grinning.

"You had a really tough year last year, but yeah, you bounced back," says Joey. "I'll look into the music gig thing and we'll talk about some alternative. If we can't come up with anything, then that's that. And you absolutely have to graduate first. I mean it, Craig."

Craig beams. He knew Joey would come around eventually. He can see him and Ashley now, cuddling in bed, composing songs together, watching the news at night, Janis curled up in front of the TV...well, if Janis ever learned to like him.

"Say hi to Joey, Janis," coos Craig. "Come on."

Joey smirks, reaches out for Janis. Janis licks Joey's cheek.

"No fair," mutters Craig.

"At least there's one girl that likes me," says Joey, stroking Janis' fur. "Diane kinda found out about me almost marrying Caitlin last year, so yeah, ultimate clam-up and I left."

"She'll come back," assures Craig.

"Ah, Craig, forever hopeful," says Joey, shaking his head. "Never lose that, buddy."

"Not going to," says Craig, taking back Janis, who squirms. "Hopeful to the end."

II.

"Hammer!" yells Sully, carrying a plank of wood.

"Wrench!" shouts Spinner, handing the hammer to Sully.

"Slurpee!" cries Danny, grabbing a full Slurpee from Derek, who wanders by.

"Dude, give it back!" shouts Derek, running after Danny.

Emma helps Spinner carry a piece of plywood to the stage, Manny quietly going with them. They put it down, Spinner wiping his brow. Emma is dressed in overalls over a cute pink top, and Spinner has on dusty jeans, a bandana over his head. It makes Manny feel alien in her hot pink sweater and dressy black skirt.

Darcy comes over to them, hands Spinner and Manny bottled water. Then, to Manny's amazement, Darcy locks lips with Spinner for about a minute, then wipes her lips.

"I'm not working," says Manny, glancing at Emma.

"I know," says Darcy. "Love the hair, Em."

Darcy smirks at Emma, then leaves. Emma roughly grabs the water from Manny, frowns at Darcy.

"I like your hair," whispers Spinner to Emma. "Oh, well, back to work."

That seems to cheer Emma up, and she twirls a strand of her hair, which is curled today. Spinner fetches some nails from Nate, seated on the stage, sanding some legs for the runway they were erecting. The cast no longer covered his legs, but Manny did notice Nate walked with a slight limp.

"I thought you said Toby would be here," says Manny.

Emma stares off into space, towards Spinner. Manny pokes her.

"Oh...what?" says Emma.

"Never mind," says Manny, starting to walk away. "I'm going."

Emma yanks her back. "No, you're not. Toby will be here soon. I'm sure."

Manny pats down her hair, follows Emma to the stage where Nate smiles over at her. She turns to Emma, who dons a yellow hard hat.

"What are you, Bob Villa, now?" asks Manny.

"Spinner promised they would recycle the wood," says Emma, her eyes lighting up. "Wonderful, eh?"

Emma goes onstage, where Spinner is checking the security of the floor.

"Manny!" greets Nate. "Hey!"

"Hey," replies Manny, tentatively.

Since Darcy revealed to everyone that Nate liked her, she'd gone over different scenarios as to how to turn him down nicely. It seemed like such a stupid way to put it in her head. Turning down someone nicely? Yeah, like it never hurt her when Craig turned her down. She really hoped Toby wouldn't do that to her, but she knows Nate is searching for something she can't offer him.

"Um, listen, Nate, I...," starts Manny.

"What are you doing for talent?" interrupts Nate. "Acting?"

"Yeah," answers Manny. "Not sure what..."

"There's scripts in the drama room at Degrassi. I could let you in one day since I'm prez of drama club, let you see what you can find."

"That's nice of you."

"A lot of the scripts need two people, but I'd be more than happy to act with you. We could practice as a team...you know, before Romeo and Juliet."

Manny smiles. "Well, I could use the practice."

"Great," says Nate, grinning widely.

"It would have to be before Wednesday. That's the last day of auditions," says Manny.

"Tuesday?"

"Okay, Tuesday. Thanks. That's a big help."

"Anytime."

Nate hops off the stage, limping towards the power tools. Danny and Derek return, eyeing Manny, a look of satisfaction on their faces.

"Manny, Manny, Manny," praises Danny. "You make a man want to buy you everything at McDonald's."

"Super-size," adds Derek, winking at her.

"Be gone, trolls," says Manny, walking in between them.

"Was she talking to you or me?" asks Derek.

"You," replies Danny.

Manny stands awkwardly in the middle of the room. Toby obviously wasn't coming. He probably wanted nothing to do with the pageant or her. Maybe he's backstage. She goes backstage, wishes she hadn't. Heather is cleaning off her clogs, the two girls that had laughed at Manny with Heather the other day by her side. Manny says nothing, turns to go back outside, but is blocked by one of Heather's cronies. She waves a magazine in front of her face.

"We figured he was your type," says the girl, ripping out of a picture, setting it on a desk near them.

Manny glances down, views a picture of Screech, in highwater pants, geekily grinning up at her.

Heather and the other girl bust out laughing. Manny blushes. She's so sick of Heather bothering her, these stupid girls. Did they know how much they hurt her, and more importantly, hurt Toby? No more of this.

"Or Urkel would do," adds Heather, giggling. "Going to go clog, girls."

Heather stands up, puts on her shoes, and starts towards the door, about to pass Manny. Manny blocks her, crumples up the picture, drops it at Heather's feet.

"You're in the way," complains Heather.

"You stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours," says Manny. "Leave Toby alone too."

Heather moves to the left, and so does Manny.

"Like I care," says Heather, crinkling her nose. "You're damaged goods. Toby doesn't want you. Not Craig, not Toby, nobody. Wake up."

"At least I've had a date," says Manny. "Your last boyfriend was?"

Heather's eyes shift, and she flinches slightly.

"You haven't had a boyfriend?" gasps one of Heather's new friends.

"I don't date guys at this school," explains Heather, then going back into the auditorium, Manny following.

"More like they won't date you," says Manny.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Toby, helping J.T. carry the legs Nate sanded down to the side of the auditorium. Manny's face brightens, and she takes a deep breath. Manny starts towards them.

"I can get a date!" insists Heather. "I can! Come back here, so I can yell at you! Where are you going?"

"To ask someone out," says Manny, glancing at Heather behind her.

With Heather fuming behind her, Manny relaxes a little. Toby looks up, meets her gaze, then immediately looks down, pretending to size up one leg. Manny tenses. Okay, perk up Manny, she thinks. You've asked out guys before, though she's pretty sure she wasn't feeling this strongly for any of them at the time. Emma glances at Manny, gives her the thumbs up. She stands in front of Toby, who keeps his head down.

"Hey, Toby," says Manny, softly.

"Hey," mutters Toby.

"I...um, like your shirt," says Manny, after clearing her throat. "It's...it's green."

Toby stares down at his shirt, obviously confused. Total spaz comment, groans Manny, massaging her forehead.

"Thank you?" says Toby, puzzled.

"Did you see the wreath Christian hung up over the counter?" says Manny, leaning against the piled up legs. "That was my idea. It was..."

She's interrupted by a couple of the legs spilling over, Toby managing to catch one. Manny gasps.

"I'm...I'm sorry," says Manny, catching the other one.

"You're worse than the Big Bad Wolf, Manny," jokes J.T., helping Derek move some chairs nearby.

"It's fine," says Toby, taking both and putting them in a secure position.

Manny fidgets with her sweater, continues to stare at Toby. J.T. notices, raises his eyebrow.

"Um...Toby," says Manny.

Toby raises his head. "Yeah?"

"What...what are you doing tonight?" asks Manny, then biting her lip.

Toby's mouth hangs open, an expression mirrored by Derek and J.T. Danny pats down his fro.

"You want him to do your homework or something?" questions Danny. "I can do that for ya, babe."

"It's break," says J.T. "Manny must want something else."

Toby glances at J.T., puts his hands in his pockets, stares at Manny.

"I would like...I would like to go out with you," says Manny, grinning shyly. "Dinner and a movie. Or movie and dinner, whatever comes first. My treat."

"Dude, total Twilight Zone," whispers Danny. "This ain't right at all."

"Shut up," says J.T. through gritted teeth.

Manny keeps her focus on Toby, who remains speechless. Toby opens his mouth to speak, then closes it.

"The answer's no," interjects Danny. "So since he's not free..."

Manny can feel her heart drop, turns to head out of the auditorium.

"The answer's yes!" says Toby, walking up behind her. "Yes."

She halts, smiles, faces him again.

"Like yes as in yes?" says Manny, beaming.

"Yes as in yes," says Toby, smiling. "I can pick you up at Emma's, if that's okay?"

"Seven...seven o' clock?"

Toby nods enthusiastically.

Manny kisses him on the cheek. "Wear something nice."

Toby flushes red. "Okay."

"What in the world...I've got the fro, the finesse, the flyest scooter in town?" says Danny. "And she picks Toby. The world is ending, man."

Manny looks over at J.T., who gives her a half-smile, then winks at her.

III.

"I have nothing to wear!" cries Manny, flinging a shirt out of the drawer.

Emma catches it, folds it, throws it on her bed.

"You have everything to wear," assures Emma. "You have your clothes, my clothes, Mom's if necessary. Calm down."

Manny sighs, scratches her waist.

"Did I just pack on five pounds in the last five hours?" groans Manny, going over to stare at herself in the mirror.

"Don't make me institutionalize you before your date," says Emma, grabbing a skirt and holding it up to Manny.

He said yes, thinks Manny, smiling at her reflection. After all the bad feelings, the confused feelings, he agreed. She could hardly believe it. But now comes the real test. An entire night alone with him, having actual conversations, making that connection. With Craig, well, the connection wasn't there. Honestly, the same was true of Spinner and J.T. They flirted, made out, and that was that. Toby is actually interested in her, _in her_.

"This skirt stinks," says Emma.

"Hey!" says Manny, defensively.

"That's mine," says Emma.

"Oh, I forgot," admits Manny. "I've been here so long..."

"And you've known Toby so long, I doubt he cares what you wear," soothes Emma.

"I want to look nice for him, Em. Like super nice. Gwyneth at the Oscars, Jessica Alba at the MTV Movie Awards," says Manny.

"Elegant?" guesses Emma.

"Yeah, elegant," says Manny. "And nothing pink."

"Well, that limits our choices," says Emma, happily, going to her closet. "I know just the thing."

Manny spritzes on some perfume, coughs when a little enters her face.

"Mmm, you smell like roses," compliments Emma, a dress on a hanger on her hands.

"Roses like Red Rose...our first kiss," says Manny, smiling.

"Awww," says Emma, clapping her hands. "Okay, so wear this, and Toby will go insane in the membrane."

"Nineties throwback? That song is so ancient."

"Spinner likes it. I think I sound off the chain."

"Speaking of institutionalizing someone...," laughs Manny, Emma poking her with the hanger.

IV.

Toby buckles his belt, reaches for some aftershave. He puts some on, then instantly regrets it.

"Ahh!" moans Toby, softly. "Ahh!"

"Sir, do you ever have that burning sensation?" jokes J.T., flipping through a comic book. "Alright in there, Tobes?"

"Yeah!" calls out Toby, the burning subsiding a bit.

J.T. puts down the comic book, joins Toby in the bathroom.

"So I see you brought her flowers. Real nice," says J.T.

"Least I could do," says Toby, smiling. " She likes roses, I think. Ugh, my hair looks like the end of a broom."

"Broomhead, chill out," comforts J.T. "You're dating Manny. Wait, I need to say that again. You're dating Manny. No, still doesn't sound right? Manny...Manny Santos...Manuella...the Santos..."

"Enough, J.T.," interrupts Toby. "But that's just it. I mean...she's my friend, but why...why would she want to go out with me? I don't look like the other guys she dates, act like them."

J.T. pats him on the back. "And that's why she went for you, man. I'm still in a wait and see with you guys, but I'm gonna be here, no matter what."

"Thanks," says Toby.

They hear a knock on the bedroom door, and exit, seeing Ashley clad only in a robe, her hair flowing down her back. Toby scrunches up his face in disgust.

"Go put something on," says Toby.

"Um, no, don't," says J.T., smiling at her.

"Liberty," whispers Toby, nudging J.T.

"Oh, yeah, put something on," says J.T., going back to read his comic book.

"Here's the keys to your car. Thanks for letting me use it," says Ashley, throwing keys at Toby, which he catches. "You're looking smart. Where are you going?"

"Uh...," begins Toby. "The library."

"Yeah, right" smirks Ashley. "Date, I presume?"

Toby nods, glances at J.T., who pretends to read diligently.

"What would make the look is a tie," advises Ashley, taking one from his drawer.

"I can't tie a tie," says Toby, straightening his collar.

"Turn," orders Ashley.

Ashley loops the tie around his neck, smiling to herself. Toby thought she seemed awfully happy. Oh well, maybe it's catching. He smiles back at her, looks in the mirror to see the finished work. J.T. looks up too.

"Getting a little _GQ_," praises J.T. "Papa J.T. approves."

"Yep," agrees Ashley. "Not bad. Find some mistletoe and she might kiss you."

V.

Manny stuffs some cash into her wallet, slides on some heels. The doorbell rings, and she gasps, going up the basement stairs towards the door. Manny opens the door to Emma, holding a camera.

"Em!" cries Manny.

"It was Snake at the door," groans Emma.

"No, not upset about that. The camera?" says Manny, nodding towards the camera.

"We need to document your date," says Emma, innocently. "We did it with Craig."

"Only if Toby says yes," warns Manny, slipping on a wool, black coat that compliments her dress.

The doorbell rings again, Spike and Snake hurrying out, smiles on their faces. Jack is in Spike's arms, stuffing a ball in his mouth.

"What?" says Manny.

"Oh, they...um, want to see you off," says Emma, blushing. "I told them. Sorry."

"Toby," says Snake, happily. "I really...really...well, I like it."

"This is so sweet," says Spike. "Emma, make sure to turn the flash on."

"He's getting an A in my class, Christine," gushes Snake. "I'm not sure I like the idea of you two sharing a room now, though, I have to say. I'm sure it was PG, but..."

"Oh my gosh," mutters Manny, sighing.

"Snake, he's waiting!" says Emma, opening the door.

Toby stands, anxiously peering into the foyer. He carries a bouquet of red roses, a black coat covering a dark purple dress shirt, black slacks, and a silk, black tie. Manny smiles. She's sure she hasn't seen him this handsome, well-dressed. Anyone, even Heather, couldn't deny how nice he looks.

"Good evening, Toby!" says Emma, ushering him in.

"Evening, Emma," says Toby. "Um...Mr. Simpson, Ms. Nelson?"

"Hi Toby," says Spike.

"What up, Toby Did you see that article on Google and the entertainment industry?" says Snake, then Spike ribs him. "I mean, hi."

Manny shyly goes up to him, letting him see her. Toby's smile is worth the effort. She wears a long, smooth black dress, with a spangled belt around the mid-section, silver straps, her hair down her back with a sparkled clip holding some hair from dangling in her face. Low, black heels complete the look.

"Manny...you're...you're beautiful," stammers Toby.

Manny looks down at the carpet, blushing. "Thank you."

"These are for you," says Toby, extending the hand with the roses.

"Roses," says Manny, smiling. "I love them."

"I'll put those in a vase," promises Snake, taking them from her.

"And since you're both here," says Emma, pulling Toby close to Manny. "Picture! For a moment to cherish."

Toby stands awkwardly next to Manny, Manny growing hot.

"Arm around her," instructs Emma, her eye glued to the camera.

"You don't have to," whispers Manny.

He tenderly puts one arm around her. Manny smiles, and Toby follows suit. The flash goes off, Toby blinking his eyes madly.

"Are you alright, Toby?" asks Manny, glaring at Emma.

"My bad," whispers Emma to Manny.

"Yeah, I'm fine," assures Toby, regaining his eyesight.

"So, be home at eleven–thirty," says Spike. "Have fun!"

Manny nods, walking with Toby towards the door. Toby opens it for her, and Manny exits, them heading for the car. Manny sees Emma and her parents staring out of a window, then quickly pulling down the curtain. Manny shakes her head, gets in as Toby holds the car door open for her.

"Where to?" asks Toby, climbing in, starting the car.

"The mall," replies Manny.

"No hints?" prods Toby.

"No," says Manny. "I'm trying to be mysterious."

Toby chuckles. "Okay."

"You...you look really good, Toby," says Manny, as Toby turns the heat on.

"I do?" says Toby, fiddling with his tie. "I don't look as good as you, but..."

Toby starts to drive down the road, smiling to himself. Manny wraps her coat around herself, her heart speeding up with the car.

VI.

Ten minutes later, they arrive in the mall's parking lot. The mall is not too crowded, despite the holiday traffic, and Toby finds a decent spot. Manny unties her coat as soon as they step into the building, Toby doing the same. She wasn't completely sure what movies Toby would enjoy, though she did know he liked animation and most likely, action flicks. I should've asked J.T., thinks Manny.

They head for the theater, getting in line. Manny peers at the titles, looks over at Toby, who smiles back at her.

"Um, is there something you want to see?" asks Manny.

"Whatever you want," replies Toby.

No, please don't say that, thinks Manny. Well, there is one animated movie on there, and it was PG-13, so it wasn't a kiddie film.

"Simpsons movie?" suggests Manny.

"Yeah, I want to see that," says Toby.

"Okay," says Manny, smiling, taking out her wallet.

"I can pay for...," begins Toby.

"No," insists Manny. "You're my date, so it's on me."

Toby grins, with them going up to the booth and receiving two tickets. Manny offers to get snacks as well, but Toby says no. They go into the darkened room, find two seats in the center. Toby waits for Manny to sit, before doing so.

"I seriously can't get over your manners, Toby," says Manny, smiling. "I thought chivalry was dead."

"Not if my dad can help it," says Toby, shrugging. "He taught me all of it."

"It's refreshing," says Manny. "It's...it's nice."

"I'm...surprised guys don't do that kind of thing for you all the time," says Toby.

Yeah, I wish, thinks Manny. Craig was okay about letting her do things first, but the other part of the time, he ignored her or was being all stand-offish. Sully talked on his cell through the two movies they went to, Spinner talked loud when they went to the movies, and J.T. thought it would be cute to critique every single actor, and throw Jujubees at the screen.

"No, you're the first," says Manny, softly.

"Well, when you become famous, there'll be lots of guys who do it," says Toby, confidently. "At screenings, premieres, whatever."

Manny grins, settles back into her seat, not sure what to say. The room begins to darken, the screen lighting up.

"But you'll still be the first," says Manny.

"Yeah," says Toby, grinning at her.

The previews start, but Toby and Manny continue to stare at one another. Manny swallows a lump in her throat, reaches for his hand, scared that he'll pull it away like he did in the store the other night. She's thankful he lets her take it, her lightly stroking his wrist.

"Manny?" whispers Toby.

"Yes?" whispers Manny.

"I'm really glad I'm here...with you."

Manny lays her head down on his shoulder, feeling Toby's chin on the top of her hair. Everything he says is so good, she thinks. So good I can't believe it.

VII.

To his surprise, the talking is never labored. As he and Manny leave the theater, heading down the corridors of the mall, they go on and on about the movie, then Manny telling him there's a rip in the dress, then her coyly avoiding his question about where they're having dinner.

"Guess which one I like?" says Manny, grabbing his hand.

"Umm, Buttercup," says Toby.

"How'd you know?" says Manny.

"Strong, sassy, cute," replies Toby. "It's so cool that you still like it."

"Yep, Powerpuff Girls rock," praises Manny. "The only cartoon I watch besides the Simpsons."

"You need to watch Adult Swim," advises Toby.

"There's no naked puppets like on Crank Yankers, right? Eww, J.T. liked that."

"Not that I remember," says Toby, squeezing her hand.

He's happy that his hands have been sweat-free all night. This all has to be some dream, a moment he's been wishing for since she stepped into the video store with a smile. He knows he has to tell Clara about tonight, dreads it, but doesn't dread being with her.

"Where are we going?" asks Toby.

"Not telling," says Manny.

There's a Mexican restaurant in the direction they're going, and Toby smiles. He liked Mexican food alright. Then, Manny veers left, pulling him with her. The sushi restaurant, where he and Kendra had their last date, is right in front of his face. Music flows out of its speakers, forks clattering.

I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes  
Don't always say, what's on my mind  
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy  
But I don't wanna mess up this time

"You like sushi, right?" says Manny. "This is the one place where I've never been with...well, what's his face."

Toby drops her hand, runs a hand through his hair. Yeah, she hasn't been there with Craig, but him, well, it's more complicated. He really doesn't want this to mar his first date with Manny, but he knows, knows the bad memories will just keep popping up in his mind. It's so stupid. Everything had been perfect up until this night. No, he'd go along with it, for her.

"What's wrong?" says Manny, staring at him with concern.

And I really really really care  
And I really really really want you  
And I think I'm kinda scared  
Cos I don't want to lose you

"Nothing...nothing," stammers Toby, playing with his tie.

If you really really really care  
Then maybe you can hang through  
I hope you understand  
It's nothing to you

He could tough it out for around thirty minutes, or an hour, or...ugh, it was going to be hard. He looks at Manny, who obviously doesn't think it's nothing.

"Are you allergic or...," says Manny.

"Kendra and I went here," interrupts Toby, shaking his head. "I surprised her. We must think alike. It's a nice surprise, Manny, and I'll go...I'll go."

My heart's at a low  
I'm so much to manage  
I think you should know that  
I've been damaged  
I'm falling in love  
There's one disadvantage  
I think you should know that I've been damaged

"Oh," says Manny. "Yeah, I guess we do think alike."

Toby begins to enter the restaurant, Manny grabbing his shoulder, making him stop. She smiles at him.

And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)  
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)  
And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)  
Cos I don't want to lose you (Cos I don't want to lose you)  
If you really really really care (If you care for me like you say)  
Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang through)  
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)  
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you, you)

"I don't like raw fish anyway," says Manny. "You like Mexican?"

"Um, but I thought you said you and Craig went to all the other...," starts Toby.

"Forget it," says Manny, leading him towards the Mexican restaurant. "Wherever we go, it won't be the same as the times I went here and you went there."

"Why?" questions Toby, as the waiter holds up a hand, asking him to wait.

"Because it'll be us," shrugs Manny, smiling. "And it'll be better."

VIII.

"I'll be back with your drinks in a minute," says the waiter, smiling at Toby and Manny.

Manny opens her menu, shielding Toby from her view. She coughs into her hand, checks her breath. Still good, she thinks. Perfume's still nice too. It's a great restaurant that she barely remembers eating with Craig in, though she did recall the dark-haired, nice-looking man singing on stage as everyone ate. He sings a light pop song, as she unfolds her napkin, drops it in her lap. Toby puts down his menu, gazes at her. She looks down at the tablecloth, traces it with her fingers.

"Everytime you look at me, I feel strange," says Manny, softly.

"Then I'll stop," says Toby, quickly picking up his menu.

"No...no, don't stop," says Manny, staring back at him.

Toby puts down the menu, reaches for her hand, which she doesn't move any more, lets him touch it.

"Can I...can I ask you why you asked me out?" ask Toby.

"All these questions," says Manny, her face reddening. "Um...well, you make me laugh..and act stupid...and blush. You do stuff that...I can't help but notice. It's...like so sweet, Toby."

Toby beams, watches her face as the candlelight flickers.

"And you make me feel warm inside, and I miss it...when you're not around," continues Manny. "It's like our friendship is growing into something else...something I like."

"I like it too," says Toby, softly.

"You believe in me, too. I don't get a lot of that, especially not my dad," says Manny, scratching her ear.

"He will," says Toby. "He'll believe in you."

"I hope so."

"How could he not?"

Manny puts one hand over Toby's, smiles.

"Five years," breathes Manny. "What took so long?"

"I don't know," says Toby.

"Do you remember when we met? I don't really..."

"Yeah," interjects Toby. "At Degrassi with J.T. and Emma. You had your hair out. A yellow, frilly top. You were kinda bouncing around all over the place."

Manny laughs. "Sounds like me. Surprised you saw me with that huge crush on Emma."

"Yeah," groans Toby. "That was...no. It's not like she had a crush on me back."

"I'm...I'm kinda having a crush on you back," whispers Manny, as the waiter puts down their drinks.

Toby smiles, raises her hand to his lips, kisses it.

"I take that back," says Manny, her chest fluttering. "It's more than a crush."

"Want to dance?" says Toby, standing up.

Manny nods, takes his hand as they go to the dance floor. There's another older couple on the floor, a grey-haired man and a white-haired woman shuffling their feet, his arm around her. They smile at Toby and Manny, who smile back. The man continues to sing, beaming at both couples:

_If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? _

If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?

Toby puts his hand up, Manny looping it with hers, putting her other hand around his waist. He puts his other hand around her back, and she sighs, laying her head against his chest. Light violins sound in her ear, their bodies matching the rhythm.

_If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call _

_If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all_

She keeps thinking why she hasn't felt this way before. Sully and Craig, her ideal guys, totally shot. Sure, they were attractive, flashy, but they didn't pay any real attention to her or what she wanted. Spinner and J.T. were her friends, but her heart wasn't beating as nearly as fast as it is now. It's almost as if Toby is some unexpected combination of attentiveness and butterflies, and the trust is already there, the understanding. All the ingredients just show up more and more, everyday.

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, _

I don't understand

If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

"Do you want to stop dancing and order?" asks Toby, looking down at her.

"No," says Manny, hugging him to her.

She stares into his warm brown eyes, his nose touching his. They both laugh, lightly.

"Chivalry may be dead, but I think I'm going to ask if I can kiss you?" says Toby. "Is that okay?"

Manny nods, loves when his mouth meets hers, music filling her head, her heart. She almost hates it when he lets her go, kisses her on the forehead.

"So?" says Toby.

"So I hope you ask that question again," says Manny, hugging him. "You'd get the same answer."


	21. This Used To Be My Playground

_**XXI. This Used to Be My Playground**_

_This used to be my playground used to be_

_This used to be my childhood dream_

_This used to be the place i ran to_

_Whenever i was in need_

_Of a friend_

_Why did it have to end_

_And why do they always say_

_Don't look back_

_Keep your head held high_

_Don't ask them why_

_Because life is short_

_And before you know_

_You're feeling old_

_And your heart is breaking_

_Don't hold on to the past_

_Well that's too much to ask_

_Live and learn_

_Well the years they flew_

_And we never knew_

_We were foolish then_

_We would never tire_

_And that little fire_

_Is still alive in me_

_It will never go away_

_Can't say goodbye to yesterday can't say goodbye_

_No regrets_

_But i wish that you_

_Were here with me_

_Well then there's hope yet_

_I can see your face_

_In our secret place_

_You're not just a memory_

_Say goodbye to yesterday the dream_

_Those are words i'll never say i'll never say_

_This used to be my playground used to be_

_This used to be our pride and joy_

_This used to be the place we ran to_

_That no one in the world could dare destroy_

_This used to be our playground used to be_

_This used to be our childhood dream_

_This used to be the place we ran to_

_I wish you were standing here with me_

_This used to be our playground used to be_

_This used to be our great escape_

_This used to be the place we ran to_

_This used to be our secret hiding place_

_This used to be our playground used to be_

_This used to be our childhood dream_

_This used to be the place we ran to_

_The best things in life are always free_

_Wishing you were here with me_

_**Author's Note: Happy New Year!! Best wishes for 2007!**_

The snowflakes swirl all around, over and under the streetlights, on the roofs of cars, on begonias Snake has planted, but Manny couldn't feel any less cold. Kissing Toby on Emma's stoop after he drove her home has that warming effect. She lets her hand graze the top of his coat collar, their lips moving unapologetically.

The waiter they had at the restaurant provided them with excellent service, bringing out their food in a timely fashion. Toby insisted on taking care of the tip, even after Manny's protests. On the way home, she told him about the nerves she had about visiting her mother tomorrow. True, it has to be better than being alone with her dad, but she hadn't seen her mother in such a long time. He told her the words would come easily, and she hoped he was right.

"We're getting good at this kissing thing," says Manny, softly, releasing his lips for a minute. "Makes me warm all over."

"Really?" says Toby, smiling.

"Yeah...like soup," says Manny.

They both laugh quietly, a little light from the kitchen window illuminating them.

"I swear, sometimes they think I'm their daughter," says Manny, seeing Snake's shadow behind the kitchen curtain. "It's nice, though. I do have a busy day tomorrow."

"Yeah, your mom," says Toby.

"And I'm leading classtime at the center. Honestly, I have no idea what to do. I figure I'll just make them color or something. Can't go wrong there, unless they color the walls. Hmmm, maybe that's not a good idea...coloring from three to four-thirty?"

Toby shrugs. "I'm sure you'll come up with something. You're...real creative."

Manny smiles. "Maybe. If I don't survive, don't be surprised if there's an announcement on the news. Manny Santos, mangled by adolescents, died holding a coloring book."

Toby laughs, rubs her shoulder.

"I like that you laugh with me, not at me," says Manny, turning red. "So sick of people picking on me."

"I know what that's like," says Toby. "But the people who do it are stupid. You're sweet and caring and..."

"And totally falling for every word you say," interrupts Manny, starting to kiss him again.

The door to Emma's flies open, Snake smiling at them, crossing his arms. Manny stops mid-pucker, clears her throat.

"Oh...hey, Snake!" exclaims Manny. "I was just going in."

"Yeah, I thought so," says Snake, smirking. "Because it is eleven-thirty, your curfew. And I assume Toby was on his way home. Perfect timing by the way, Toby."

"Yeah...yeah, I was," stammers Toby.

"Yeah, he was," says Manny, straightening her hair than holding out her hand for Toby to shake. "Well, Toby, I had a very good time."

Toby awkwardly shakes her hand. "Yeah, me too. Night."

"Night," says Manny.

Toby waves good-bye to Snake, starting towards his car.

"I'll walk him to his car," says Manny, smiling, starting to follow him.

"Oh no you don't," says Snake, taking her arm and leading her in.

He closes the door, and they both head into the kitchen, Manny sitting at the table, staring at Snake.

"Don't give me that look, Manny," says Snake, putting a small carton of ice cream in front of her. "I know that basement window has had a male go through it at least once. I'm guessing Craig might've taken a trip down there after curfew."

"Snake!" whines Manny. "Come on. Toby isn't Craig."

"Um, yeah," says Snake. "Still, rules are rules. Someone's got to keep an eye on you."

"Fine," says Manny, tossing him a small smile as he hands her a spoon.

"So this Toby thing...is it headed somewhere?" says Snake, grinning.

"I don't know," says Manny. "I'd be excited if it was."

They both silently eat for awhile, then grin at each other.

"Can we talk about an extended curfew?" says Manny, winking at him. "Eleven forty-five, maybe?"

"What?" says Snake. "I thought actresses needed their beauty sleep."

"They do!" insists Manny.

Snake sighs, then smiles. "For Toby...an extra five minutes."

Manny beams, and they clink spoons.

II.

"You must really hate us!" exclaims Ellie, reading down the list.

"Backstreets Boys, Rupaul, Madonna," says Marco, peering over her shoulder. "Please kill me now."

"Are we playing a pageant or Hilary Duff's prom?" says Ellie, thrusting the list back in Craig's chest.

"Madonna's kinda cool," speaks up Ashley, shifting on a stool.

Craig sets a stool next to Ashley's, glances around the garage as Jimmy, Marco, and Ellie give him blank looks. There's no way he can tell him why he needs them to play this gig. It turns out it's the only paying gig before the New Year, and he didn't want to wait to start saving for the apartment until things picked up. Joey was still looking, but he'd gone to great trouble to track down Mrs. Tellman and play a few songs so she could approve the Squatch. If it meant playing princess pop and sweet sixteen ballads, then so be it.

"Who doesn't need post-Christmas shopping cash?" says Craig, as convincingly as possible. "I'm all for artistic integrity, but the wallet is shrinking. I'm down to coins."

"Yeah, me too," says Jimmy, gloomily.

"And we need the practice," says Craig, picking up his guitar.

"Fine," says Ellie, rolling her eyes. "But if you think I'm playing any Jessica Simpson songs, you're on your own."

"Oh, did you hear that she and Nick Lachey broke up?" asks Marco, flicking on an amp.

"Uh...yeah, who didn't?" says Jimmy, chuckling.

"You're so late," laughs Ashley.

"I thought you watched stuff where they have a goat, people singing, and they ponder the meaning of life," says Jimmy, laughing.

"Yeah, but I...I liked them. They were so cute on that show," says Marco, under his breath.

"Disappoined, Marco," whispers Ellie.

"Shut up, El," says Marco. "They were adorable."

"Um, sure. Moving on, Ash is going to sing lead," says Craig, getting up and fetching a microphone on a stand.

"Alright, two ladies in the band," says Jimmy, smiling at Ellie. "Two very fine ladies. As long as it's not Spin, no complaints."

Marco and Ellie glance at each other, and nod.

"Yeah, no drama from me. She sounds better than you anyway," says Marco, grinning at Craig.

"Yeah," says Craig, narrowing his eyes at Marco. "Didn't say she didn't."

"That was painless," says Ashley, adjusting the stand. "Thanks, guys."

"I'm glad I'm not the only girl anymore," says Ellie, beaming at Ashley.

Ashley glances at her quickly, says nothing. Ellie purses her lips, lowers her eyes.

"You mean, nobody misses Manny and her tambourine?" says Jimmy, obviously trying to break the tension in the garage.

They all laugh, even Ellie, fixing her cymbals. Craig puts the guitar strap over his shoulder, gleefully smiling to himself. After his talk with Joey, they sat down, talked, and Joey mentioned some student housing he found near the University of Toronto. That way, if either of them went to school, they wouldn't be far from campus and it would be cheaper. Yes, everything would work out. He'd have the band, an apartment with Ashley, and a recording contract in no time. And tomorrow would be the start of everything.

"Can I visit Janis tomorrow?" whispers Ashley, as Marco tells Jimmy and Ellie, who look very annoyed, about an episode of the Newlyweds.

"Yeah, but I have a surprise for you first," whispers Craig.

"Looking forward to it," says Ashley, kissing him on the cheek.

"And he bought her Louis Vuitton and took her to visit dolphins," says Marco. "Then she dumped him. So ungrateful."

"I'm going to put this drumstick in my ear," says Ellie, shaking her head. "No more."

"Fine, but it's a good show," says Marco. "Let's get to playing."

III.

"This stairwell got ten times bigger," mutters Manny to herself, climbing the stairs up to her family's apartment.

A dog from a nearby apartment barks, and she jumps, then catches her breath. She can do this. This was her mom, and she'd called her, paid for the trip, wanted to actally be a part of her life. Her dad is the uncertain one. Still, what is she going to say? That she was giving up acting, that she would go along with whatever her father wants? No, that would just be more lies, to them and herself.

Manny knocks tentatively on the door, shoulders her new bookbag. The door opens to reveal her mother wiping her hands on an apron. Manny feels her feet stuck firmly to the floor as she stares into her mother's warm, gentle face. She doesn't look upset at all, just pleased. Immediately, she wraps Manny into her arms, kisses the top of her head.

"Manuellita!" cries Ms. Santos, tears spilling from her eyes. "I've been waiting all morning."

Manny doesn't say a word, hugs her back tightly, tears threatening to case her own face.

"I missed you, Mom," says Manny, barely able to get anything out.

"Come in, come in," says her mother, ushering her into the foyer.

Ms. Santos closes the door behind her, touches Manny's face, then steers her to the living room where there's a plate with a sandwich, French fries, and freshly baked cookies with a glass of juice on the side.

"For me?" says Manny, sitting down on the couch.

"Peanut butter and banana," says Ms. Santos, taking a seat next to her.

Manny smiles, starts to eat.

"I know you're eating well at the Emma's, but...," begins Ms. Santos.

"Your food is still the best," assures Manny, dotting her lips with a napkin. "They're really into health food there, so yeah, this is definitely welcome."

"So how's school? And your acting?" asks Ms. Santos.

Manny isn't completely sure she wants to discuss acting with her mother, but it would probably come out anyway that she was doing the pageant.

"Um...school's okay. I get my term results next week, but I think I did fine this year," says Manny. "And there's this thing at the center, a pageant. Miss Degrassi. I'm in it, so I'm doing an acting scene."

Ms. Santos' face goes blank, which unsettles Manny, but then a giant smile crosses her face.

"I...I did a pageant in middle school," says Ms. Santos, modestly. "I got third place."

Manny covers her mouth. "No!"

"Yes...yes," says Ms. Santos. "I was a little shy at the time. It was quite a commitment. The auditions, rehearsals, the outfits...oh, do you have an outfit, a dress?"

Manny nods. "Yeah...it's this nice shade of pink. Don't have shoes yet."

"I...I have shoes!" exclaims Ms. Santos. "I'll get them."

She watches her mother hurry to the bedroom. It sort of cheered her up that she was doing something her mother did, finishing her lunch. Usually, in her parent's place, she felt alone, especially if J.J. was being the typical golden boy, but now, hey, she was doing something J.J. had never done, would never do.

"It's lucky we wear the same size," says Ms. Santos, presenting her with a gorgeous pair of dark pink heels.

"Mom, love them! Yeah, shoe size. Same with Em and Spike," says Manny. "Must be a mother-daughter thing."

Manny opens her bookbag, drops in the shoes.

"You said you needed things for next term?" asks Ms. Santos.

"Yeah," replies Manny. "It's in my old bookbag. My ruler, graphing calculator, pencil case."

Ms. Santos and Manny stand, heading for her bedroom, or what was her bedroom. Manny enters with a sigh of relief. It was all the same, basically, except for the box her father promised would be sitting on her bed. The fact that it hadn't change thrills her. She felt tempted to throw herself down on the bed, sleep like she used to, enjoy having a room to herself again. But no, the visit was going so smoothly, so she won't mess it up.

She locates her old bookbag, starts putting them in her new one. A couple pieces of paper she holds slip under her bed. Groaning, she reaches down to pick them up.

"I'll get them later," assures Ms. Santos. "So tell me more about what's going on. Any dates?"

Manny smiles, putting her calculator in her bag.

"I see that smile, Manuellita," teases Ms. Santos. "Are you back with J.T.?"

"Oh, no, that's over," says Manny.

"A new guy then?"

"A new guy."

Ms. Santos grins. "Is he cute?"

"He's cute, understanding, patient. Yeah, put a giant checkmark next to all the ideal boyfriend qualities. Only...we haven't started anything yet."

"I'm sure it'll work out," says Ms. Santos. "You deserve the best, and you look happy."

"I am," says Manny. "It took forever, but I am."

Ms. Santos helps Manny zip up her bag, and Manny hugs her. Is this all too good to be true? Well, maybe she should test it.

"Mom, can I come home from Christmas?" asks Manny, staring up at her, hopefully. "Dad said I should ask you."

Ms. Santos brushes some hair from off her face. "One condition?"

"Yeah?"

"You bring this boy over."

"Mom!" whispers Manny, urgently.

Ms. Santos laughs. "Okay, so do you need a talent costume?"

"Desperately," replies Manny. "Up for sewing something? A first-place costume, maybe?"

Manny playfully pouts her lip.

"Well, if I couldn't get first place, you should," says Ms. Santos, hugging her daughter.

IV.

"I can never look at you the same again," says Ellie, sighing.

"Please," says Marco, putting up his hoodie. "Like you never had a guilty pleasure. Clarissa Explains it All?"

"Clarissa was cool. Wanted to be a writer, a little off-center, totally original fashion sense like yours truly," says Ellie. "And she's proof that pretty blondes can have brains."

"Preaching to the choir, my friend," says Marco, staring down at the sidewalk. "Ah, American TV at its finest."

Ellie whistles the theme song, and Marco bops his head.

"_La la la la la la la la la la la...way cool_!" they both sing.

Ellie halts in the middle of the walk as she looks forward. She views Sean, pacing back and forth down her driveway. Sean sees her and waves. She hasn't called him since the night of the party. Ugh, it was torture talking to him after every embarrassing moment that came courtesy of her mother.

"Didn't Clarissa end up dating a rebel in a jean jacket?" says Marco, smiling as he glances at Sean's jacket.

"Get out of here," mumbles Ellie, nudging him lightly.

Marco laughs, turns around and heads towards home.

"Surprised my singing didn't drive you away," says Ellie, nervously.

"It wasn't that bad," says Sean, coming up to her.

"Yeah, because pulling out a condom in front of forty plus people is worse," says Ellie, avoiding Sean's eyesight. "I'm so, so sorry."

"El, not your fault," says Sean. "And about the condom, I..."

"No explanations needed," says Ellie.

Sean smiles, nods.

"So are you here to see my mom, because she's at work right now?" says Ellie. "I mean, you're obviously here for a quality Sean-bashing lecture."

"Yeah, something like that," says Sean, grabbing her hand.

He pulls a key from his pocket, drops it into her hand.

"Okay, if you say this is the key to your heart, I want a new boyfriend," says Ellie, giving him a confused look.

Sean chuckles. "No, it's the key to my place. Another key. The third key. Jay got one made for himself, because he's...well, Jay."

"You want me to redecorate? Cover the walls in black?" says Ellie.

"Or come hang out, whenever you want," says Sean. "Free key from someone who loves you."

"Even after the mom mess?"

"We'll get through the mom mess."

Ellie hangs her head, grinning shyly. She grasps the key in her fist, hugs him. Sean strokes her back.

"Surprised you didn't say move in with someone who loves you," says Ellie, pulling away, giving Sean a small kiss on the lips.

"New year, new saying," says Sean. "Plus Jay's dirty underwear is...uh, around. It's gross."

"Well, new year, new key, says Ellie, throwing her arms around Sean.

V.

Taylor and Ryan run around in a circle, Ryan pelting Beth with crayons. Beth hugs Manny's leg, starts to cry. It was only five minutes into the time she was supposed to leading, and Manny feels the urge to simply lay on the storytime carpet and not get up. Alyssa is the only calm one, sifting through her copy of _Anne of Green Gables_, while the other raged on. Mrs. Neill is around, though Manny suspects she keeps going in and out of the room to gossip with a co-worker about the head of center's divorce.

"I don't want to color anymore!" yells Ryan. "Let's play cops and robbers. Manny's the robber!"

"No!" shouts Manny. "Ryan, sit down...now!"

"You ain't the teacher!" says Ryan, jumping up and down, pretending to shoot Manny with a gun.

"This is a gun-free zone!" warns Manny.

"I used my last bullet on you!" replies Ryan, laughing so hard he falls to the floor.

"Manny, I don't want to color," moans Beth. "Let's play husband and wife. I want to marry Henry."

Henry digs up his nose. "Ewww, Idon't want to marry no girl."

"You want to marry a boy then!" laughs Taylor.

"No, I don't!" replies Henry.

"Shush, everyone sit down!" commands Manny.

They all groan, sit down. Ugh, I'm failing, complains Manny inwardly. They were all disappointed movie day was cancelled, but why were they taking it out on her. Great, simply great. If they didn't color, what would she have them do?

Suddenly, she hears a knock on the classroom door.

"Stay still," she instructs, heading over, opening the door.

Toby is standing there, a laptop in his arms, a bag over his shoulders. Manny tries hard not to smile, but does.

"What...what are you doing here?" she asks.

"Here to help, hopefully," says Toby, smiling back.

"Really?" says Manny. "You...like remembered me talking about this last night?"

"Yeah," says Toby. "Can I come in?"

Manny nods enthusiastically, leads Toby to the center of the room.

"Everyone, this is Toby," says Manny. "Say hi."

"Hi," they all reply timidly, except for Ryan.

"Dude, you have an Inuyasha sticker on your bag," cries out Ryan. "You got the game?"

"Yep," says Toby.

"Cool," breathe Henry and Taylor at the same time.

Alyssa glances up, closes her book.

"Are you here to color too?" says Beth. "You're kinda old."

A few girls giggle.

"No, I thought I'd share something cool with you, guys," says Toby.

"Like what?" says Ryan.

"Do you have a projector screen?" he asks Manny.

Manny goes over, pulls down the screen, while Toby sets up his computer. The children whisper excitedly, and Manny's relieved they're all reasonably quiet. Without being told, they sit down at the tables, anxious to see what's going to happen. Alyssa does so as well, reluctantly. Manny's anxious herself.

After a minute or so, an image of an anime character fills the projector screen.

"Sailor Moon!" gushes Beth and Maria.

"Yep," says Toby. "First female character I ever drew."

"She's pretty," says Taylor, staring up, admiringly. "You drew that? That's cool."

"How did...how did you decide to draw her?" speaks up Alyssa, raising her hand.

Manny beams. Alyssa is actually participating. She was usually so withdrawn, but not today.

"I thought she looked interesting," replies Toby. "Beautiful, I guess."

"Because she has blonde hair and blue eyes like me," asserts Beth.

"Well, she does," says Toby, another image coming onscreen. "This is one of Sailor Moon's friends. Raye. There's different types of beauty."

"She has purple eyes," notes Alyssa. "I agree. She's beautiful."

"Yeah, like Manny," says Taylor, poking Beth with a crayon.

"Uh-huh," agrees Henry, smiling at Manny. "Manny's...like beautiful and stuff."

Manny glances down, blushing. She catches Toby's eye and he smiles at her.

"Yeah," says Beth. "Can we draw them like you?"

Toby nods. "I've got Inuyasha stuff too. You got more paper, Manny?"

Manny fetches more paper, starts handing it out, listens to the excited chatter around the room. Even Alyssa is talking to Maria about how to draw purple eyes. As she puts a piece of paper in front of Henry, who is near Toby, she whispers "Thanks."

"No problem," says Toby.

VI.

Manny digs her feet into the sand, stares upward at the pinkish sky. It's not as cold as dusk starts to settle in, and she lets the swing move under her. She twirls around a bit, grinning. She remembers all those days she came her with Emma and J.T., innocent days where nothing seems complicated. When she watched the kids draw, Toby helping out, those days came flooding back to her, only they were happier memories, not that memory that bugged her about J.T. not kissing her or Lindsay calling her ugly. They were good memories where they found ants for Emma's ant farm or them eating Push-Ups or playing spy games where J.T. got to be Bond and she was the damsel in distress.

Manny swings higher, stops when she sees Toby heading towards her. He sits down on the other swing.

"You should be getting paid," says Manny, smiling at him.

"How do you do that everyday?" laughs Toby. "If I didn't know how much energy you have..."

"Got to use it for something," laughs Manny.

"I'm tired after two hours," says Toby, stroking his forehead. "How'd your meeting with your mom go?"

"Awesome, actually," says Manny. "I'm going over there for Christmas."

"Wow, that's great," says Toby, swinging along with her.

"You're great," says Manny, holding the chain to Toby's swing so he'd stop.

"I did what...," begins Toby.

"You did something that meant a lot to me, to them," says Manny, turning to face him.

"I'm glad they liked it, that you liked it," says Toby, shrugging. "Didn't we come here once?"

"Mhmm, we ate icees, and you shot me with a water gun," says Manny, bumping him with her knee.

"Don't remember that," lies Toby, smirking. "Must've been J.T."

Toby retrieves a small, black box from his pocket, a light-blue ribbon wrapped around it. Manny gives him a curious look as he hands it to her.

"It's Hanukkah already," says Toby. "I don't celebrate Christmas really, but..."

Manny smiles, unwraps the present. In it, is a silver necklace with a charm of a movie camera at the center. She can't recall receiving a more thoughtful gift.

"Toby," breathes Manny. "I...I love it. Thanks so much."

"I thought your neck looked cold," jokes Toby, genially.

"You know," said Manny, smiling, pulling his swing closer. "J.T...he wouldn't kiss me on the playground. Thought he'd go to jail."

"So J.T. was an idiot even back then," says Toby.

Manny puts her forehead against his, stares into his eyes.

"Would you go to jail for me, Toby?" whispers Manny, leaning in.

"Yeah, and no parole," replies Toby, finding her lips.


	22. Take A Bow

**XXII. Take A Bow**

_Take a bow, the night is over_

_This masquerade is getting older_

_Light are low, the curtains down_

_There's no one here_

_There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd_

_Say your lines but do you feel them_

_Do you mean what you say when there's no one around no one around_

_Watching you, watching me, one lonely star_

_One lonely star you don't know who you are_

_I've always been in love with you always with you_

_I guess you've always known it's true you know it's true_

_You took my love for granted, why oh why_

_The show is over, say good-bye_

_Say good-bye bye bye, say good-bye_

_Make them laugh, it comes so easy_

_When you get to the part_

_Where you're breaking my heart breaking my heart_

_Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown_

_Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown_

_Wish you well, I cannot stay_

_You deserve an award for the role that you played role that you played_

_No more masquerade, you're one lonely star_

_One lonely star and you don't know who you are_

_Say good-bye bye bye, say good-bye_

_All the world is a stage world is a stage_

_And everyone has their part has their part_

_But how was I to know which way the story'd go_

_How was I to know you'd break_

_You'd break, you'd break, you'd break_

_You'd break my heart_

_I've always been in love with you_

_I've always been in love with you_

_Guess you've always known_

_You took my love_ _for granted, why oh why_

_The show is over, say good-bye_

_Say good-bye bye bye, say good-bye_

_Say good-bye_

_**I Melt With You is the property of Modern English.**_

Manny rights her movie camera necklace as she gazes into the backstage mirror of the center, Emma stretching behind her. Everyone around is very skittish. Paige is singing lightly at the other end of the room, twirling a strand of hair. J.T. whispers lines to himself, though Manny still had no idea what he was doing for the talent portion. Thank goodness Heather had already auditioned., but Manny had a feeling Heather would back off after she stood up to her. She'd be going over with Nate to the drama room later that day with J.T. offering her a lift, so she's hoping she'll be as prepped as everyone else by tomorrow. While her report card marks weren't usually that high, memorizing lines came easily to her, and she knows Nate's more well-trained than she is.

"Emma, you look like a pretzel," comments Manny, moving her vase of roses to the right so she can see more clearly.

Emma unfurls out of a tuck, walks to Manny, sighs. She wears a black leotard and ballet slippers.

"I hate your little Toby love shrine," says Emma. "Makes me want a boyfriend so bad."

"It's not official or anything," says Manny with a shy smile. "But I don't know. Things are definitely looking up in that department."

"A date that made you smile for three whole days, you singing in the shower, him bailing you out at the center, roses, fancy gifts. Why don't you clone Toby and we'll have a double date?"

"Yeah, but what if the clone likes me too?" jokes Manny, hitting Emma's thigh with a rose.

"Need I remind you that there was a time when Toby was willing to dance like a panther for me?" says Emma, sticking her tongue out at Manny.

"You're not doing the panther dance again, are you?" asks Manny.

Emma shakes her head. "No, I've progressed past that. I'm doing a slow jazz piece to make people aware of acid rain. The black outfit represents death and the empty space in rainforests due to its effects."

"Oh...cheery," says Manny, smiling politely.

"Make way!" calls out a voice.

Manny turns to view Derek and Danny brushing past several girls and J.T., who complain as they're being bumped. Derek positions the camera on his shoulder, the lens focused on Manny. Danny holds a microphone to her face.

"Can I help you?" says Manny, blandly, rolling her eyes.

"I finally figured out the mystery of why you think Toby is like attractive or whatever. Thought about it all weekend," says Danny.

"Um, you didn't have anything better to do over the weekend?" asks Manny, glancing at a smirking Emma.

"No, he never does," answers Derek. "Go ahead, man. Tell her."

"Spider-Man," says Danny, nodding.

"Excuse me?" says Emma.

"Dude, the hot actress falling for the nerd!" exclaims Danny. "Mary Jane and Spider-man. Toby has a secret identity. An alter ego you're sprung on. It's the only explanation. What, is he like an undercover head of a computer corporation in Barbados or something? Clark Kent had glasses and was dorky, too, but he got Lois, you know."

Danny sits down in a chair opposite her, Derek getting a little closer.

"He's just Toby," replies Manny, shoving the microphone away.

"And I'm just Danny," says Danny, winking at her. "You know, I'm getting an A in Media Immersion...I think. And the Lord of the Rings action figures, have them all. Ask Liberty."

"Wow, really?" breathes Manny, putting an arm on his shoulder. "That's so...so amazing."

"Dude, it's working!" says Derek, lowering the camera.

Emma's mouth drops. Danny beams.

"Too bad I don't date guys that can't cut up their own meat so they get their mom to do it," says Manny, pinching his cheek.

Both Derek and Emma laugh.

"That was once...and it was hard meat!" says Danny, getting up, storming off.

Derek trails him. "Told you it wouldn't work."

Manny hears the last strains of "Get Ready for This" coming through the door as Chante enters. A few moments later, Darcy enters, wiping sweat from her brow. To Manny's surprise, the two of them immediately head for her. Darcy gives Emma a sharp look, sits down next to Manny.

"Lucky I remember that solo routine from cheerleading ," says Darcy, hugging Manny. "Thanks for saying I could do it. Oh, sugar...sorry for the sweat."

Manny shrugs, grins. "Sure, no problem."

"Dressed for a funeral, Emma?" says Darcy.

"I'm not listening to a word you say," replies Emma, leaving the room. "And I don't sweat buckets when I dance."

Darcy pretends to yawn.

"I heard about Toby," says Chante, obviously wanting to change the subject. "That's very cute."

Chante is definitely one of her least favorite people, but the topic of Toby was now one of her favorite things to talk about.

"Yeah...it feels special," says Manny, grasping her necklace. "I can't explain it."

"Well...um, you're going to have to explain it to Nate," reminds Darcy. "He like lights up when he says your name. He's a little into you."

"It's nothing," insists Manny. "We had some nice conversations, but no huge moments. I will tell him I'm not interested, though. He should know."

"Good," says Darcy.

"Cool, he's free," says Chante.

Oh, so that's the reason she came over, thinks Manny. She smiles, shakes her head.

II.

Ashley almost wishes she had a napkin to hand Craig as he opens the glass door to the brick building they stand in front of. The door's handle is rusty, and the glass is noticeably dirty. The sign outside says University Terrace Apartments, and she saw a couple students outside in the front passing back and forth a baggie of pills, though Craig seemed to miss it. Janis twitches in her hands, obviously uncomfortable since she'd been quiet as soon as they got out of Sean's car, which Craig borrowed.

"I'm twitchy too," admits Ashley to Janis, after Craig goes in.

The two guys glance over at Ashley, clearly stoned. She gives them a pathetic smile, follows Craig up the stairs quickly.

"I thought you said there was a place near Degrassi," says Ashley.

"Yeah, but student housing is less expensive," says Craig. "Diane gave me some decent leads. Can't hurt to check it out."

Ashley frowns, stands next to Craig as they reach 4A. She still wasn't sure about all of this. She started looking in the paper for jobs, but she was woefully inexperienced for most of them or they didn't pay enough. Plus when would Craig have time for the band, or her really, since he was going to work two jobs, and maybe school too?

"Did you call someone to open the door for us?" asks Ashley.

Craig grins. "You don't have to, when you put down first and last."

"What?" cries Ashley.

Craig fetches a key from his pants, unlocks the door, and opens it. He takes Ashley's hand, and they walk in. It's a fairly small apartment, with a few cracks in the wall, no furniture, a leaky faucet they can hear from the front of the place, and a few flies buzzing around the window. A ripe, unpleasant smell fills Ashley's nose. This must be where college students come to die, she thinks. Craig's face fills with glee.

"Isn't it romantic?" asks Craig, putting an arm around her.

Janis whines, dismally looks around.

"Yeah," lies Ashley.

"I know it's not much...not yet, but once we put our stuff in, spruce the place up, it'll be great. And it's one of the few buildings that allow small dogs."

Ashley walks around a little, peeps into the empty bedroom where it basically looks the same, only a bit more well-lit because of a big window. Well, maybe, it wouldn't be so bad. It would take some time and more money, though. She should just come out and tell him, tell him that she has doubts and that this could wait. She hadn't even played any of her own music, rediscovering her sound, one of the reasons she came back to Toronto. Also, she hadn't started researching universities, and truth be told, she wasn't sure the University of Toronto was the right school for her. All these things were piling up so fast she can't get a handle of them.

"Craig...," she starts, then she feels something light crawling on her shoe.

A cockroach the size of a quarter scurries across her heel, heads for the wall. Ashley screams.

"What?" says Craig.

"Oh...ewww...this place is infested!" groans Ashley, hugging Janis to her.

"It...it needs some work," admits Craig. "But...but it can be so much, Ash. Just calm down, okay?"

She takes a deep breath. Staring into his eyes, it all seems so doable. He's so optimistic, went to all this trouble, and here she was acting unkind. She kneels her head on his chest. Janis ends her silence, starts barking, and Ashley sets her down. Craig strokes her back, then leaves to go get something from the bathroom.

"Haven't seen the bathroom yet," calls out Ashley, looking after him.

"Because bathrooms are so exciting!" calls back Craig. "You can see it later. Stay there."

Ashley shrugs. "Alright."

Craig reenters, brandishing his guitar, and carrying a little red candle and a candle holder. Ashley arches an eyebrow.

"You keep your guitar in the bathroom?" questions Ashley.

"Yeah, that and Lysol to spray on roaches," replies Craig, sitting on the floor, lighting the candle.

Despite the floor being dirty, Ashley sits too, Janis crawling into her lap. The candle flickers, lighting their faces in the fairly dark living room.

"The first of many songs we'll play in this apartment," says Craig. "Don't laugh, okay?"

"Didn't last time," reminds Ashley, smiling.

"Point taken," says Craig, smiling, beginning to strum. "I'm singing this because I'm really excited that we're doing this, taking this next step. So glad you came back, Ash."

Ashley smiles so much her cheeks hurt. No amount of cockroaches or cracks in the walls could damper what he just said. He begins to sing:

_Moving forward using all my breath_

_Making love to you was never second best_

_I saw the world thrashing all around your face_

_Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace _

Ashley rings her hands in anticipation. She loves this song. It was played during semi-formal, the last one before she went to England, where her and Craig performed. She told him it was one of her favorites, and he apparently remembered. Craig smiles nervously at her, continues:

_I'll stop the world and melt with you_

_You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time_

_There's nothing you and I won't do_

_I'll stop the world and melt with you_

As lame as it sounds, some of the moments she shared with him were indeed stop-worthy: their first time in the hotel room, when he sang to her in the gym and in the competition, when they danced in the club before her dad's wedding. Maybe, hopefully, they can have more of those. This moment definitely qualifies.

_The future's open wide_

_(Let's stop the world)_

_I'll stop the world and melt with you_

_(Let's stop the world)_

_I've seen some changes but it's getting better all the time_

_(Let's stop the world)_

_There's nothing you and I won't do_

_(Let's stop the world)_

_I'll stop the world and melt with you_

_The future's open wide _

Yes, the future is open wide. Who says they can't do this? She had doubted that they'd never date again after he sang Dust, but no, they started up again. The airplane dream made her think another chance wasn't in the cards, but no, here they were now, him singing to her again. All the hows and whys fade from her mind, being replaced by "can" and "probably".

Craig strums a final time, stares lovingly at her. Ashley takes his coat collar, pulls him in for a kiss. Their mouths fuse, and the place finally feels whole to her. Ashley pulls back, smiling.

"Next time, I'm paying rent," says Ashley.

III.

Toby carries one more box from the backroom, positioning it near the fax machine, while Clara places a cassette under the scanner. Grinning, he finds the box cutter, starts to slice it open. It has been a quiet day so far, allowing him to think, or rather, think about Manny. Sure, there was that rocky start, but this beginning, feels so wonderfully awkward. It hasn't been this way since...well, Kendra. More intense than Kendra, too. He's starting to believe that all of this should be happening, that there was a real chance to have a relationship.

"I told Manny to do that, Toby," says Clara, frowning. "Typical her. Inconsiderate, flighty."

"Maybe she didn't know where the box cutter was," says Toby, a sharp pang in his stomach.

"I doubt it. She didn't want to chip her precious nails," says Clara.

"Lay off, okay?" snaps Toby, finishing slicing.

Clara glances over at him, biting her lip, and Toby instantly drops his eyes. He didn't like snapping at her, but her cutting down Manny fairly consistently bothered him, especially now. And he knows he has to tell Clara about everything: the date, the kissing, the fact that something is for sure going on.

"Well, after that, assuming you don't want me at Hanukkah dinner," says Clara, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"No...no," insists Toby. "Come. I'm sorry."

Clara nods. "I shouldn't have said that. It's...well, I'm a little sick of you doing these things for her...even after she rejects you. I don't like her hurting you."

Oh, right, she didn't know that Manny came into the store that night, either. They have so much to talk about. Toby stands, slowly joins her at the desk.

"Clara, she apologized for that," says Toby.

"That's good and all, but...it's not good to play with someone's feelings like that," replies Clara. "We're open and honest with each other, always. Manny wanted to basically hide her feelings for you, which shows how strong they were."

Toby drums the counter with his hand, blows out a breath. He really likes Clara, as a friend and a person. He tentatively puts his hand over hers.

"Look at you," says Clara, beaming. "All touchy all of a sudden."

"I want to be honest with you...about how I feel and stuff," says Toby, sweat forming at the back of his neck.

"Finally," breathes Clara.

She leans in, pursing her lips, but Toby backs away, Clara's lips missing his face entirely. Toby shakes his head, while she lowers her eyes.

"Clara...I can't," mutters Toby.

"Why not?" whispers Clara. "You've been dropping hints."

Has he? Maybe a little. That was before he realized anything, however.

"I do like you...and I was...was thinking we could, but there's someone else," says Toby.

Clara lifts her eyes, now teary. "Please don't say her name...please don't say Manny."

Toby nods solemnly.

"Toby," says Clara, her voice choking on his name. "You're being stupid."

"I can't stop how I feel about her," says Toby. "I know I told you that nothing was going on, but there is. I'm sorry."

"Not as sorry as you're going to be," condemns Clara. "She's just using you, Toby. To fill her little Craig void, and she's going to hurt you again. You must be a masochist or something. And this dinner...what does that mean?"

"You and Christian are my friends," insists Toby. "It's sincere."

"Like Manny was your friend!" cries Clara. "You don't know who you want, Toby. That's why...why I'm going to wait."

"No, don't," argues Toby. "I'm not worth waiting for. Go and..."

"No, you are worth waiting for," interrupts Clara, sobbing as she speaks. "When I first started hanging out with you, I couldn't concentrate, got goosebumps. I work here to see you whenever I can, and miss it when you're not here, put up with Manny because you guys were supposedly friends. This job can be so boring, but you make it tolerable. I want you to come to camp with me. Does that mean anything to you?"

Ugh, I want to hit myself in the face, thinks Toby. Here Clara is exposing everything in her head and heart, and ready to wait for him. He knows what it's like to like someone that bad, hoping that there was a shot in the dark.

"I...I didn't know all that," stammers Toby. " Don't waste your time."

"It's not a waste," says Clara, sniffling. "If you can wait for Manny, I'll wait for you."

What could he say to that? He shrugs, goes back to the box, starts pulling out the contents while Clara resumes scanning. Manny wouldn't hurt him again, would she? She said that she liked him, that she meant all of it, that she didn't want Craig.

"You're wrong about her, Clara," speaks up Toby.

"Yeah, okay," says Clara, dismissively. "Just you watch."

Toby swallows a lump in his throat, cuts his finger on the sharp edge of the box lid, starts to bleed.

IV.

As soon as she steps into her house, Ashley makes sure to check her coat for dog fur. She had made the mistake of going in without checking last time, and Toby picked up on it. Fur-free, she smiles to herself, heads for her room. Before she enters, she hears the sound of metal scraping against metal. Kate Kerwin stands in front of her closet, moving hangers. Ashley's lips twist nervously.

"No showgirl costumes, I promise," says Ashley, trying to look pleasant.

"This is some closet, Ashley," remarks Kate. "So full."

"Gifts mostly," fibs Ashley, taking off her coat.

"Or they could be a reflection of the receipts Chris found in your room back in England," says Kate, giving her an appraising look.

Receipts? She thought she got most of them, cramming them into a shoebox. Going over to the closet, she retrieves a shoebox, looks inside, and sure enough, she'd grabbed the wrong one. The box of receipts was back in merry old England.

"Why is Chris going through my stuff?" groans Ashley, throwing down the box.

"They're still mailing stuff over, Ashley. Don't blame him for that," defends Kate. "He's worried and so are your father and I."

"It's from my pay," says Ashley.

"Hundreds in months! Ashley, you could be using that for a college fund," says Kate, sitting on her daughter's bed. "Why so many clothes?"

"It's not a big deal."

"You've completely changed your look for the most part."

Great, let's talk about this now while I'm actually happy for once. First Paige wanted to know what was up, then Craig. She isn't sure why she's still wearing them honestly. Craig had forgiven her so she stopped buying like crazy, but she always reached for her new clothes, some programmed reaction. Her old ones were there, but something kept her from donning them.

"A lot happened in England," she says, hoping that would suffice.

"With that Ali guy?" prods Kate. "Ashley, I didn't understand you coming home but I missed you so much that I went along with it. If it was over a guy...not good. Especially since it was because of Craig that you left."

"Don't bring Craig into this!" exclaims Ashley. "He's the one that got me to stop buying so many..."

Ashley covers her mouth. Well, nice work there.

"You've been talking with Craig again?" sighs Kate. "Have you seen him? Ashley, that boy..."

"That boy is part of why I came back," says Ashley, forcefully. "Say his name because he's going to be in my life for a long while, okay? We're dating."

"Said before he does something else drastic," says Kate, dryly. "Craig's restless, Ashley. You need someone secure, someone that..."

"Doesn't call me a slut," interjects Ashley. "Which Ali did. Oh, and Jimmy did too, by the way, since I'm pretty sure that's your number one pick."

Kate's lips tighten. "Ashley, I thought you came home for your music as well."

"I did!"

"Have you played anything, or is Craig taking up your time, like he did last year? Your whole life revolved around him."

"No, it didn't."

Okay, that wasnt all true, she confesses to herself. But she was worried about him, too much at points, but things were different. She'd make time for herself, in between looking for a job for them, school, and playing for the pageant, and...her mother did have a point. There isn't much time for her own music in between all of that.

"Why do you care about my music anyway?" says Ashley, annoyed because her mother hit a nerve.

"BB6 called, and they want you to come back next summer and play at a new voices festival," says Kate, smiling. "That's why Chris called initially, to deliver the message. I baited the money-clothes thing out of him."

Ashley's mouth hangs open.

"It's a month's engagement," continues Kate. "July. Maybe you should get cracking on that music then."

"That's...that's amazing," says Ashley, her heart racing. "I...I have to take it."

"So maybe some of your other commitments should know about this commitment," says Kate, pointedly. "You have to do what's best for you, Ashley. Money, time, relationships. Make decent decisions. That's all I ask."

"I'll tell him," says Ashley, crossing her arms.

Kate rises from the bed, says nothing else, though saying a lot with her frown and exasperated expression. At least her mother took it better than she thought, though she was sure that wouldn't be the last anti-Craig speech she'd get. If she found out they were moving in together, she'd go insane. Then again, was that the best idea after the whole music festival thing? She'd have to rehearse for the pageant which she couldn't get out of it, find a job, study, work, and make time for her music. No, no, it's simply too much. She'd ask Craig to wait longer on the whole apartment situation, convince him to give this place up. He'd forgive her, and then they'd find a more attractive place with her festival money. It would be better than before.

V.

"Ibsen, Beckett, Shakespeare," mumbles Manny, going through the box. "Fuddy duddy men writing about the ways of the world."

Nate chuckles, rifling through another box, tossing some scripts on the stage.

It felt weird for her to be alone with him, coming into Degrassi with a lone janitor buffing the hall floors, no teachers, no students except for J.T. who gave Manny a ride there. Thankfully, J.T. had eased up on her. Manny took that as a good sign that Toby believed that it was going somewhere. Manny smiles at the thought.

"You have one of the best smiles I've ever seen," compliments Nate. "You're what my mom calls effervescent."

"I'm what?" says Manny.

"You're bubbly, full of excitement," explains Nate. "It's a good quality for an actress to have."

"Oh, I guess," says Manny. "I hope I can find a simpler script. Don't have much time."

"How about this?" says Nate, picking out a script with a yellow cover. "It's a classic."

"Hmm, one of my kids is reading this series," says Manny. "Anne of Green Gables, Anne of Avonlea. You know the story?"

Nate nods confidently. "We did it at a drama camp I did when I was eleven. The lead's a lot like you too. Strong-willed, young woman who teaches kids, wants to write."

"I don't want to be a writer."

"She acts on the side too. Come on, let's run through it."

Before Manny knows it, they've chosen a relatively simple scene when Anne's school chum, Gilbert, confesses that he'd like to be more than friends on a bridge. Manny can't help but make the connection to Toby. Who knew that meeting him that day would bring about all of this, when their friendship would escalate before their very eyes, unexpectedly?

Nate picks it up in no time flat, helps Manny with the blocking. Ten minutes later, they've worked out most of it, except for a few kinks. Manny finishes her last line, takes a bow, making Nate laugh.

"I can get a suit from the costume closet," says Nate. "Kwan'll let me. That's cool that your mom is making yours."

"Nate, I really appreciate all of this," says Manny.

Nate turns red. "Well, truth is, ever since Dracula, I've been wanting to work with you. I think we'd make a great team. We're both committed, friendly. We fit, you know?"

"Yeah, we're good partners."

Nate stands in front of her, takes her hand gently. "Too bad this scene doesn't end with a kiss like Romeo and Juliet."

Manny glances at the stage floor, strokes her chin. Oh boy, now is as good a time as any to tell Nate that she only wants to be friends. Opening her mouth to speak, Nate cups her chin, presses his mouth to hers.

"Whoa!" says a surprised voice at the other end of the room, as Manny pushes Nate away from her.

J.T. stands in the doorway, glaring at Manny. No, no, thinks Manny. So not good.

"It wasn't...we weren't...," starts Manny, sliding off the stage, heading for J.T.

"I...I gotta go," says J.T. "Nate, can you drop Manny home?"

"J.T.!" shouts Manny.

Manny goes to find him, but he's already disappeared down the corridor. Nate comes out, stands behind her.

"You're dating J.T. again?" asks Nate. "Wow...I didn't know. Manny, I...I'm an idiot. I'll...I'll drop you home."

Manny throws down her script in frustration, tears trickling down her cheeks.

"It's not J.T.," says Manny, her shoulders shaking as she cries. "I like you, Nate, but only as a friend. It's Toby."

"Toby? Really?" exclaims Nate.

Manny continues to cry. Nate sighs, Manny reading the disappointment on his face, but also a look of concern.

"I'll take you home, Manny," says Nate, picking up her script, leading her to his car.


	23. True Blue

XXIII. True Blue

_Hey!_

_What?_

_Listen..._

_I've had other guys_

_I've looked into their eyes_

_But I never knew love before_

_'Til you walked through my door_

_I've had other lips_

_I've sailed a thousand ships_

_But no matter where I go_

_You're the one for me baby this I know, 'cause it's_

_True love_

_You're the one I'm dreaming of_

_Your heart fits me like a glove_

_And I'm gonna be true blue baby I love you_

_I've heard all the lines_

_I've cried oh so many times_

_Those tear drops they won't fall again_

_I'm so excited 'cause you're my best friend_

_So if you should ever doubt_

_Wonder what love is all about_

_Just think back and remember dear_

_Those words whispered in your ear, I said_

_No more sadness, I kiss it good-bye_

_The sun is bursting right out of the sky_

_I searched the whole world for someone like you_

_Don't you know, don't you know that it's_

_True love, oh baby, true love, oh baby_

_True love, oh baby, true love it's_

_True, so if you should ever doubt_

_Wonder what love is all about_

_Just think back and remember dear_

_Those words whispered in your ear, I said_

_'Cause it's_

_True love, oh baby, true love, oh baby_

_True love, oh baby, true love, it's true_

**_Dancing Queen _**is the property of ABBA.

_"__Friday night and the lights are low_

_Looking out for the place to go_

_Where they play the right music, getting in the swing..."_

Ashley's voice carries over the hum of Jimmy's guitar, the casual strumming of Marco's bass, and the rapping of Ellie's drumming on the snare. It melds nicely with Craig's electric guitar, then dips into the rest of the verse. Ellie has to admit that her former best friend's voice really makes the song, a song she always made a point to turn off whenever it accompanied lame commercials or worse, pep rally routines. At least having Sean there, nodding his head absent-mindedly to the beat, makes her smile through all of it. Sitting on the stool she usually sat on, he shakes his head at one point, throwing Ellie a smirk. Ellie chuckles softly to herself, continues to play.

_You come in to look for a king_

_Anybody could be that guy_

_Night is young and the music's high_

_With a bit of rock music, everything is fine_

_You're in the mood for a dance_

_And when you get the chance..._

_You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen_

_Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine_

_You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life_

_See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen_."

Jimmy checks his watch, groans, then starts to play a fast hook from a Pink Floyd song they'd played over the summer. Craig eyes him suspiciously. Ashley throws him an annoyed look.

"No solos!" yells Craig over the music.

Marco winks at Ellie, starts to play offbeat purposefully. Ellie shrugs, clashing her symbols madly. Sean smiles, puts the bottom of his wool cap over his eyes micheviously. Sighing, Craig holds up his hand, and they all stop playing and singing.

"Is this your way of telling me that our time is up?" says Craig, taking off his guitar.

"Oh no, I loved playing slumber party ditties for four hours," says Ellie, getting up from behind the drumkit. "You want me to paint your toenails, Craig?"

They all laugh, with the exception of Craig.

"Ha ha, El," says Craig, rolling his eyes. "Good practice, everyone. Same time, tomorrow. It's all really come together. What'd you think, Sean?"

Sean raises up his cap, grins nervously. "I don't know."

"Come on, be honest," encourages Craig, putting an arm around Ashley.

"Um...I liked the one where it says 'baby' a lot, I guess," says Sean, shrugging. "You guys sound good to me."

"Take that as high praise from the lowkey Sean, Craig," says Ellie, setting herself in Sean's lap.

Marco and Jimmy start to put away their instruments, Ellie noticing that Jimmy was looking over at her and Sean every few seconds.

"Cool," says Craig, obviously pleased. "Oh, guys, I have your Christmas presents in the living room. You too, Sean."

"I brake for presents," says Marco, happily.

"Me?" says Sean, blankly. "Wow. Uh, thanks."

"Yeah, it's not much, though," says Craig. "You coming?"

"Go ahead, Sean," says Ellie. "I already got mine."

Sean grins at Ellie, follows Marco and Ashley into the main area of the house. It takes Ellie a few seconds to realize that Jimmy didn't accompany them, but instead rolls to her side. The awkwardness in the room is potent, and Ellie can feel her stomach twist in all sorts of directions. She didn't know how to interact with him after Marco revealed Jimmy was crushing on her, and she definitely didn't want Hazel to think anything was going on.

"Craig is making us play disco," says Ellie, softly. "Lucky Marco has kind of a fro thing going on with his hair."

"Still can't see him in a Saturday Night Fever get-up," replies Jimmy, smiling widely.

He presents her with a small green box, with a red bow on top.

"Merry Christmas, Ellie," says Jimmy.

"Aww, thanks, Brooks," says Ellie, hugging him lightly. "This is really sweet of you."

"What if...what if you opened it right now?" offers Jimmy. "I mean, it's small, so you might forget it when it's really Christmas day."

"You mean you want me to cheat?" says Ellie, laughing. "Well, I don't know...um, okay!"

Jimmy chuckles, beams as Ellie undoes the bow, and takes off the lid of the box. Inside, Ellie sees a very pretty black calligraphy pen with the initials E.N. emblazoned on the center of it. Her mouth parts, and it takes her awhile to find words.

"Jimmy...Jimmy, this is...wow," breathes Ellie.

"Yeah, well, figured you could use it for your writing," says Jimmy. "A good future journalist needs a good pen."

Ellie clutches the pen to her heart. "I'm speechless...really."

"You kinda need words too if you want to be a journalist," jokes Jimmy.

They both laugh, then Ellie frowns. She wasn't supposed to act like this, especially knowing Jimmy liked her as more than a friend? This definitely isn't a friend gift.

"I bet Hazel was speechless too when you gave her her gift," nudges Ellie.

"Haven't shopped for hers yet," confesses Jimmy, rolling back to his guitar case.

"What!" cries Ellie, then catching herself. "I mean...what?"

"She's so moody lately," complains Jimmy. "With Paige hanging out with Alex, and me doing the art thing and the band thing, she feels all neglected. When I do come around, our convos are way too short. There's so much tension. I still love her, but...I think I want to try new things. Don't know if I can try them with her. Part of me wants to. You get me more, though."

Ellie sighs, shakes her head. With the whole Craig situation, she knows the sting of rejection, that inability to connect, what's best for her and him and Hazel.

"But you have to work it out," interrupts Ellie. "Because I respect your relationship. And I do mean _respect_."

She hands the pen back to Jimmy, as much as she loves the gift. Jimmy hangs his head.

"I can't make myself stop liking you, Ellie," says Jimmy.

"What you can do is face what you have to face," assures Ellie. "I did, and Sean and I...we have a lot more to face. Talk to her, tell her what you told me. You can do it, Brooks."

Jimmy nods, but hands the pen back to her. "Use it for a newspaper advice column, okay?"

Ellie smiles, leans down and kisses his cheek.

II.

"What are you thinking?"

Nate says the question so naturally Manny looks up in confusion. She stands in the middle of the community center stage, words running through her mind, but they aren't the words from her script or the words she's committed to memory. They're words of apology to Toby, or words of explanation to J.T. if she could find him first. J.T. didn't answer his cell when she tried to call, and she had to spend the rest of the time memorizing the script.

Ms. Tellman and a woman in a nicely tailored black dress sit in chairs in front of the stage, scribbling notes.

"Um...um...," stammers Manny, trying to conjure up the next line.

"I'm afraid to speak...," whispers Nate, seeing Ms. Tellman's lips grow into a terse frown.

Thanks to Nate, she's able to find the exact line hidden away in her brain.

"I'm afraid to speak or move for fear that all this wonderful beauty will just vanish...like a broken silence," says Manny, and it comes out rather convincing.

Why shouldn't it? She is afraid of a broken silence, that J.T. will spill and Toby will hate her, and Clara, she'd swoop right in. The wonderful beauty would vanish, all thanks to some stupid mistake.

Nate and Manny run through the rest of the scene with no more mishaps. The blocking was a little off, but Ms. Tellman didn't frown as much, actually seemed interested by the end.

"Thank you, Ms. Santos, and Mr. Booth," says Ms. Tellman.

Manny smiles, starts to walk off the stage.

"Excuse me, Ms. Santos," says the other woman, standing, going to the stage.

Manny halts, Nate staring between the both of them.

"Yes?" says Manny.

"What do you think is the motivation behind your character's actions?" asks the woman, folding her arms.

"She...just wants to be friends with this guy," answers Manny, a puzzled expression on her face.

"I suggest you dig a bit deeper," says the woman. "I'm Colleen Dale, and I work for Bluewave..."

"The talent agency!" cries Nate, looking ready to jump for joy. "Oh man, you guys are the best in Toronto."

"Well, right now, I'm a judge for this competition, but I do see a lot of promise in this performance," says Ms. Dale. "Manny, you come off a little distracted and you can emote better, I'm sure of it. Just some friendly advice."

"Yeah...yeah, I know. I'll do better," promises Manny. "Thank you."

Nate and Manny glance at each other, a groan escaping Manny's lips.

"That was a nice way of saying that I stunk," says Manny. "So not getting in."

"Please! If she didn't like you, she wouldn't say anything. Take it from someone who does a bunch of auditions. If they don't say anything, really bad. If they say you have promise, there's something there," says Nate.

"Whoa, for real?" says Manny, smiling. "Cool."

"When do you know if you got in?"

"They call our house tonight to let us know."

"The agony of waiting, kinda like a callback."

Manny nods, follows Nate outside, and they climb into his car. It was interesting that once the kiss was over, the tension just flew away. Nate truly proved himself to be a nice guy, not telling anyone what happened, not giving her the cold shoulder.

"Have you told Toby yet?" questions Nate, starting his car.

"He's going to hate me," says Manny. "I don't want to face him."

Nate turns out into the street. "Better you tell him than J.T."

"Yeah...yeah, you're right," says Manny, taking a big breath.

A car behind him honks their horn. Nate clicks his tongue, looks in his rear view mirror.

"Oh no," he mutters, pulling the car over.

Manny looks to him for a clue as to why he's stopped driving, but before she knows it, a sour-faced, blonde woman in a designer jogging suit stares into Manny's window. Manny screams, while Nate rolls down the window.

"Hey, Mom," says Nate, a forced grin on his face.

"Nathan, what are you doing out here?" demands Ms. Booth.

"Mom, you're overreacting. I've been able to walk for awhile now, okay?" groans Nate. "I'm helping out my friends with Miss Degrassi."

"I thought you were going to Dr. Meadows to talk about the emotional trauma you suffered. It's very important that you go, Nathan."

"You're the one that's emotionally troubled, Mom," snaps Nate. "Why don't you go bother that drunk boyfriend of yours?"

Ms. Booth purses her lips, then shakes her head.

"That's...that's it. Talking that way about Gary. You're grounded. This Degrassi activity...probably an excuse to fool around with your little friends. Nope, nope...you're not doing it."

Oh boy, thinks Manny. There goes my partner.

"Mom, no!" protests Nate, glancing at Manny. "I promised Manny..."

"Well, you promised me that you'd go see Dr. Meadows, and you didn't...for her. No offense, dear."

"Um...none taken," says Manny, softly, lowering her eyes.

"You can take her home, but after that, you come straight home, you understand me, mister?" says Ms. Booth.

"Fine!" exclaims Nate.

"It was nice to meet you, Mandy," says Ms. Booth, so cheerful Manny is sure it can't be the same person.

"Manny," corrects Manny, but Ms. Booth is already heading for her car.

"I'm sorry," says Nate, rubbing his forehead. "My mom's mental."

"I'll...think of something," says Manny. "Don't worry."

Yeah, don't worry, because I have too many worries, adds Manny in her own head.

III.

As soon as she enters Emma's house, Manny hears a wild monkey screeching, then a lion roaring. She jumps, holding her hand over her chest. Then, the sound of what she thinks is chainsaws coming to life enters her ears.

"What is this?" whispers Manny to herself.

She peers nervously into the living room where she views Emma grooving back and forth in a series of movements, lunging her body forward, then pulling back. Spinner sits on the opposite couch, stroking his chin thoughtfully. Emma does two twirls, bends down, lifts a leg in the air. Putting her head to the ground, she's able to see Manny.

"Hey, Manny,"greets Emma, smiling.

"Did you transport your house to Brazil or something?" calls out Manny, as Spinner stops the tape after a loud boom from a tree falling.

"I'm broadening my scope," says Emma. "First minute is dedicated to acid rain, second to deforestation's effect on animals. I was inspired by the Mountie Museum and the exotic birds. Spin's idea."

"Yeah, I was like, well, don't the birds live in trees?" says Spinner, gleefully.

Manny waits for the rest of Spinner's contribution to be revealed, but apparently that's it.

"Oh...good idea, Spinner," says Manny, sitting on the couch next to him.

"Tellman liked it, too," says Emma. "I did the new version today since all changes have to be approved by her. Had to be before you and Nate came by."

"I'm so tired," moans Manny, settling her head against the couch cushion. "But I need to talk to Toby."

"Good communication is the first mark of a healthy relationship," says Emma. "Read that in a pamphlet."

"Uh, one of my pamphlets, sugar bear?" says Spinner, patting down a place on the couch for Emma to sit.

"Yes, the one on trust and commitment," says Emma, sitting, laying her head against Spinner's shoulder.

Trust and commitment. Would Toby ever trust her again? It's not like it's her fault, but would he see it that way? What if Clara found out? She'd be sure to throw that in her face. The thought of Toby being disappointed in her...ugh, no.

"You know what?" shouts Manny. "Stop being hypocrites. You act like Darcy's nobody, Spinner, and she hasn't been good to you. I mean, some of us are actually innocent! We don't go sneaking around doing stuff. And you, Emma, you're like, oooh, what if we can be friends? You never wanted to be friends with Spinner. You had some agenda, I bet. I...me, I didn't have an agenda. I fell for my friend, and I'm going through all this mess."

Emma raises her eyebrows. "Manny, chillax."

"And you use this slang from like forever ago, and you ruin your hair...and sugar bear? It's disgusting."

"What's your malfunction, Manny?" asks Emma.

"No, no, she's right," sighs Spinner. "Darcy isn't a nobody. I'm gonna go."

"Spin!" says Emma, frowning, as Spinner goes out the door.

"Oops," says Manny, burying her head in a cushion.

Emma kicks the edge of the couch, shakes the cushion Manny is lying on. Manny lays all the way down, heaves into the fabric. The phone rings on the desk opposite Manny. Emma picks it up.

"Uh-huh...uh-huh," says Emma after saying hello.

After a few more uh-huhs and a couple other words, Emma hangs up the phone.

"We're in the pageant!" cries Emma, apparently forgetting the whole Spinner ordeal.

"Whoopee," says Manny, dryly.

"You don't want to celebrate?"

"Sorry, Em. Everything's falling apart," says Manny, her eyes tearing up.

"You were on cloud nine yesterday," says Emma. "What's wrong?"

"Nate kissed me," says Manny. "And J.T. saw it."

"Okay, bad," says Emma. "That explains your little tirade."

Manny wipes some tears from her eyes, sits up, letting Emma join her.

"I want Toby to trust me," whispers Manny. "His opinion matters to me, Em. I swear, all I felt were lips, no emotions, when Nate and I kissed."

"Then you have to tell him," says Emma. "Maybe J.T. won't tell him. He doesn't want to hurt his best friend's feelings."

"Yeah...yeah," says Manny. "About the Spin thing..."

"Forget it," says Emma. "It's up to him what happens next. There's no sense in him going between us."

"And you have my example to learn from. Don't even need a pamphlet for that," jokes Manny. "Just look at all my insecurities."

"True, but I'm insecure too," replies Emma, hugging Manny. "And since you're my true blue friend..."

Emma quickly gets up, turns on the tape. The chainsaws seem louder than before.

"How's the beginning?" asks Emma, doing a small leap from a coffee table to right in front of the TV. "Do you feel the emotional impact, see the wind knocking down loose trees?"

"Um, I think I get it," says Manny, shrugging.

"Really?" beams Emma, continuing to dance.

After awhile, Manny is able to imagine Emma is the wind, maybe because she appreciates her and didn't want to hurt her. She hopes Toby will get that, too.

"Yeah," says Manny. "I understand."

IV.

"I don't understand!" complains Peter, tucking his small video camera under his arm.

"You're a minor," says Toby, giving Clara a nervous smile.

Sully and Peter exchange sly looks, then peep over Toby's head into a blocked off room.

"I'm way more mature than I appear," argues Sully. "Just let us look at the porn section. Open the door. Your boss doesn't have to know."

"I'll know," insists Toby. "And I'll get in trouble."

"Yeah, go get excited over something else," says Clara, clearly disgusted.

"You're just mad because you get no action," snaps Peter. "I'm going to my place to watch some adult downloads."

Toby remembers him and J.T. doing the very same...at age twelve.

"Yeah, good luck with that," says Toby, watching Peter leave, muttering under his breath.

They wait for Sully to leave as well, but he mills around. He isn't bothering him anymore, so Toby just lets him go about his business. The door to the store opens, J.T. coming inside, talking animatedly on his cell.

"Liberty, I want you to come to the show," says J.T. "Please...come on. Of course...of course I'm getting you some money. What...what...you don't want to talk to me anymore? I see. I'm just your ATM and that's all. Well, fine."

J.T. clicks off his phone, runs his hands through his hair.

"Women!" he shouts. "Oh, sorry Clara."

"Whatever," says Clara, heading to the backroom.

"Liberty on your case again?" prompts Toby, taking off his vest.

"It's her usual nagging. I know perfectly well what I need to do for this baby. That doesn't mean I have to put my ambition on hold, right? What if she gives it up?"

Toby isn't sure what J.T. and Liberty will ultimately do with the baby once it's born. In all honesty, he can't see J.T. as a father or even Liberty as a mother. Still, he'd heard of couples who actually pulled it off. But first, it's obvious J.T. needs an attitude adjustment. Liberty does need money and support.

"I don't know, man," says Toby, nervously. "You are kinda...ignoring her."

"I'm busy!" says J.T. "She's busy with school stuff, and it's break. I'm already in the show anyway. They called me last night."

"It's not a show, it's a pagaent," reminds Toby.

"I don't care about the stupid pageant part. All I need to do is entertain the agent. They can yank me off like Showtime at the Apollo after that. And now I have to go to the pageant dance rehearsal...like I'm coordinated. A mascot can only do so much dancing with a giant panther head."

"Mmkay," says Toby, putting his vest on the backside of a chair.

"What...what are you doing?" asks J.T.

"Can I maybe tag along?" says Toby. "To see Manny?"

"You want to see a bunch of hot girls dancing around in tight tops and shorts?" says J.T., shifting his eyes. "What's wrong with you, Toby? Perv."

"I doubt he's a perv. He won't let me look at porn!" exclaims Sully, obviously having heard some of their conversation.

"Um...what else did you hear?" says J.T., nervously.

"I don't know. You mentioned that chick Liberty and I kinda tuned out. She ain't my cup of tea, bro. But Manny...what's up with that?"

"Nothing," says Toby, quickly, Clara coming back out.

He didn't want Sully putting in his two cents, especially after the way he treated her.

"Good, because she'll burn any guy for any reason," asserts Sully. "She cheated on me with Craig, slept with him that same night, I bet, got pregnant. Did I do anything to her? Nope."

"See, Toby," whispers Clara, Sully unable to hear her.

"Can I rent Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?' requests Sully, handing Clara the blank DVD case.

Clara smirks. "You don't want porn anymore?"

"Just ring it up, dude," says Sully.

J.T. leads Toby over to a corner of the store, Toby's brow furrowing. He feels the urge to go over to Sully, tell him that Manny's a good person, tell Clara for the millionth time that she doesn't know Manny like he does.

"We're best friends, right?" says J.T.

"Yeah," says Toby.

"Even if I tell you something that you don't want to hear?"

Toby frowns. "What?"

"I don't want you to get burned like Sully."

Toby's heart beats fast. "It's about Manny?"

J.T. nods. "Manny and Nate kissed in the drama room. Saw it."

"No," says Toby, strongly.

"Man, I'm the one with the twenty twenty vision, okay?" says J.T. "I'm sorry."

"It must've been...must've been in the scene," stammers Toby. "She wouldn't do that."

J.T. scratches his neck. "Maybe. It wasn't a passionate kiss or anything, I suppose."

Toby leans against the wall. The image of Nate and Manny kissing ups his temperate about thirty degrees. What if she liked him? He thought things were going really well, too.

"Let's go straighten this out," says Toby, pushing J.T. outside the door.

V.

Manny readjusts the shoulder strap of her tank top, then ties her shoe. It is two in the afternoon, and every competitor for Miss Degrassi stands in a line in the auditorium. Darcy swallows her gum, apparently remembering that it's a pet peeve of Ms. Tellman's. Hazel and Emma stretch, while Paige and Heather exchange evil glances. Manny stands right beside Emma, but is amazed Darcy stands on Emma's other side given the Spinner situation. Perhaps Spinner had made a choice because Darcy did seem calmer today.

Ms. Tellman enters, carrying a CD player, a very smiley guy in tight pants accompanying her. Manny thinks he looks like a skinnier Antonio Banderas, and all the girls noticeably swoon. Derek and Danny, huddled near some stacked chairs, point and laugh quietly.

"Hello ladies!" greets the guy. "I'm Todd. I will be choreographing the dance number for Miss Degrassi. Theresa tells me that we have some experienced dancers, but also some inexperienced ones. That's okay. We've got a couple days to go over a relatively simple routine. You should pick it up in no time."

The auditorium door parts, and J.T. jogs up to the group, wearing a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. The T-shirt reads Grandma's Little Irishman. Derek and Danny bust out laughing.

"I don't have dance clothes," mutters J.T., standing beside Hazel.

"Hello, little Irishman," greets Todd. "I'm Todd. I think we'll have you in front, actually. Stand next to this pretty girl with the black hair."

Manny becomes aware that Todd is talking about her, and J.T. rolls his eyes, goes to the spot. Ms. Tellman hits play on the CD player.

"J.T...that kiss...meant nothing," whispers Manny, urgently.

"Music's playing," shrugs J.T., glaring at her.

"Some people aren't paying attention, Todd," says Heather, jerking her head towards Manny.

"They ought to be," scolds Todd. "Now, follow me."

Todd does some hip-hop moves, so fast that everyone stands there in awe. He does it more slowly, jerking his body to the side, moving to the quick rhythm.

_This is the beat that makes us wind up_

_When the beat comes on the girls all line up_

_And the boys all look, but, no, they can't touch_

_but the girls want to know why boys likes us so much_

The group tries to keep up, following Todd's every move, and pretty soon, most people are hitting every step. Manny does it effortlessly and Todd's eyes light up. In the middle of bopping her head, she can hear Darcy say "Hey Em!" over the music.

Emma shimmies, then jerks her head to the side. "What?"

"Spinner wants to have a talk. You know what that's about?"

Emma dips her head, then waves her hands in the air.

"Why don't you wait for him?" replies Emma.

_They like the we dance, they like the way we work_

_They like that way that L.A.M.B. is going across my shirt_

_They like the way my pants, it compliments my shape (She's crazy, right?)_

_They like the way we react everytime we dance_

_Everytime the bass bangs, realize it calls your name_

_Let the beat wind you up, and don't stop till your time is up_

_Get in line now_

Darcy shimmies fast, Emma shimmying faster. They do it again and again, piquing the interest of Derek and Danny.

"Shake it, shake it, girls!" encourages Derek.

"Make sure you don't break it, girls!" says Danny, gleefully.

Darcy moves her hips, bumps into Emma. "Oops, can't control these hips. Shouldn't have watched all those Shakira videos."

Emma yelps, going for Darcy, but Manny pulls her to the side.

"Cool it, Em," says Manny, getting back in formation.

She notices that J.T.'s struggling a lot, basically flopping along like a chicken with a seizure.

"I see the only male's having a bit of trouble," says Todd. "You, pretty black-haired girl, awesome job."

Manny smiles.

"I'm a clogger, a natural dancer," speaks up Heather. "Look over here, Todd."

Heather waits for Todd to come over so she can display the routine, which she executes pretty well, much to Manny's annoyance.

"I can help," offers Manny, mid-shimmy.

"Don't want it," says J.T.

"J.T..." begins Manny.

_Wind it up, uh, uh, uh, uh_

_Wind it up, uh, uh, uh, uh_

_Yodellay, yodallay, yodal-low_

_You've got to let the beat get under your skin_

_You've got to open up, and let it all in_

_But see, once it gets in, the poppin' begins_

_And then you find out, why all the boys stare _

She stops talking because out of the corner of her eye she sees Toby come into the room. The music pounds all around her, her pulse quickening.

"Yeah, he's here," interrupts J.T. "And I told him."

"No, J.T.!" shouts Manny, halting as she leans forward, taking a tumble.

"Manny, are you alright?" asks Emma, as Todd stops the music.

"Fine," says Manny, shooting J.T. a sharp look. "I need water."

"Well, you have the routine down," praises Todd. "Only no more falling. Go ahead and replenish yourself, people."

Manny jogs over to Toby, taking out her ponytail, letting it fall to her shoulders. He smiles nervously. At least he's smiling, he thinks. They go out into the hallway, the same one where she had to chase him down after she snubbed him because of Heather's prodding. Bad deja vu. Really bad. She could explain it to him. She'd done nothing wrong.

"Manny, J.T. said...," starts Toby.

"Nate kissed me," blurts out Manny.

"For a scene?" says Toby. "Like it's written in a play?"

Manny looks down. "Um...no."

Toby rights his glasses. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It didn't mean anything," says Manny.

"You said you didn't kiss people you don't care about," says Toby.

"I did...but I wasn't expecting it to happen."

Toby shakes his head. "Like you weren't expecting it to happen with me?"

"No...it's different. Nate...I don't..."

"Clara was right," interrupts Toby.

"Clara!" cries Manny. "What does she have to do with this? She's badmouthing me and you're listening to her? Why are you listening to her?"

"Because she doesn't lie to me!" exclaims Toby. "Because she cares about me, and she doesn't go off kissing other guys, or ignoring me."

"Yeah, she just throws herself at you pathetically!" shouts Manny.

"Don't talk about her like that," says Toby, starting to walk away.

"Trust me, Toby!" says Manny, pulling him back. "I didn't want Nate to kiss me."

"Manny, we're not even dating, and all these issues come up," says Toby. "Maybe it's a sign."

"It's not a sign," says Manny, starting to cry. "It's just a hard beginning. We were doing well. You can't throw it away. I like this."

"I like it, too," says Toby, softly.

"So let's pretend the kiss never happened," says Manny, wiping her tears. "I was honest with you, so we're good."

"Well, since we're being honest, Clara almost kissed me," says Toby, shrugging.

"What?" whispers Manny.

"Manny, I didn't let her," says Toby. "Knows about you."

"You should tell her to back off," says Manny. "Spend some time apart so she can get over it."

"Yeah, and after Hanukkah dinner, she will."

Manny frowns. "I thought that was a family thing. You mentioned it last year."

"It is. Dad invited her."

"And he didn't check with you first?"

Toby lowers his head, Manny laughing coldly.

"Fine, eat with her, don't invite me," exclaims Manny, walking briskly to the auditorium. "Happy Hanukkah, Toby!"

She hops up on the stage, sits on the edge of it. J.T. sighs, goes over beside her.

"I hate Hanukkah dinner," says Manny.

"Does this involve Clara by any chance?" says J.T.

"He invites her, not me," complains Manny.

"It's nice, but it's not a romantic thing in my opinion," says J.T. "Like last year, I wouldn't have taken Liberty."

"I don't want him around her," whispers Manny.

"Oh boy, you sound like...," chuckles J.T.

"Like what?" demands Manny.

"Like a girlfriend."


	24. I Deserve It

**XXIV. I Deserve It**

**The last song from last chapter is called Wind It Up, and it's the property of Gwen Stefani.**

_This guy was meant for me_

_And I was meant for him_

_This guy was dreamt for me_

_And I was dreamt for him_

_This guy has danced for me_

_And I have danced for him_

_This guy has cried for me_

_And I have cried for him_

_Many miles many roads I have traveled_

_Fallen down on the way_

_Many hearts many years have unraveled_

_Leading up to today_

_This guy has prayed for me_

_And I have prayed for him_

_This guy was made for me_

_And I was made for him_

_Many miles many roads I have traveled_

_Fallen down on the way_

_Many hearts many years have unraveled_

_Leading up to today_

_I have no regrets_

_There's nothing to forget_

_All the pain_

_Was worth it_

_Not running from the past_

_I tried to do what's best_

_I know that I deserve it_

_Many miles many roads I have traveled_

_Fallen down on the way_

_Many hearts many years have unraveled_

_Leading up to today_

"I feel like Gumby," complains Manny, clutching her stomach.

Emma staggers into the basement bathroom behind her best friend, coughing furiously. They'd just gotten in after another grueling dance rehearsal, and Manny can feel every bone in her body pulsating, her muscles throbbing. Todd had made them go through the routines so many times she lost count. They looked better than they did yesterday, even J.T., with him listening to Paige's pointers during breaks. Ms. Hatzilakos peeped her head in the last few minutes, and nodded her approval.

"It's like my body is screaming," says Emma, hunching over the sink. "Every limb stretched."

Manny collapses on the floor, then sets her head against the cold linoleum. Emma shrugs, joins her. They hear someone come down the stairs. Spike curiously stares at her daughter and Manny.

"Why are you two planted on the cold bathroom floor?" she questions.

"Kill us," says Emma, rubbing her shoulder.

"Now," adds Manny.

"Tired, huh?" says Spike. "Well, when you regain your energy, Manny, your mother called and wants to talk to you."

"Okay, thanks," replies Manny, managing to sit up.

Spike leaves, her foosteps echoing as she goes up.

"Why's your mom calling?" asks Emma.

"Probably about the talent outfit," assures Manny. "She's so excited about it. Told me she stayed up all night sewing after I told her what I wanted. Love that about her. I really miss her."

"Maybe this pageant will bring you two together," says Emma.

"All I know is this is the most happy she's been since my last gymnastics meet. The one before...you know."

Emma nods. "The trip to the clinic. Yeah."

"That seems so long ago," says Manny, softly. "If my dad ever found about that, there's no way I'd be talking to either of them. Total chaos."

"He won't," says Emma. "Not a problem."

"But I actually do have a problem. Nate's mom grounded him, so I have no partner. My scene is going to be bad and the only reason I'm doing this thing is to impress the agent, who wasn't exactly impressed when I did the audition. I need a boy."

"Don't you always?" teases Emma.

"Em, come on."

"Hmmm, well, Spin's the host, or else I'd convince him to help you," shrugs Emma.

"J.T. can't, since he's a contestant...," starts Manny.

"Derek and Danny are doing AV, Peter's evil, Sully is your bitter ex...Craig?"

"I don't want to deal with him, Em," says Manny, bluntly.

Not seeing Craig for the past few weeks was actually refreshing. The way he bailed on her to go to Ashley didn't bother her, because better things had come along, the best thing being Toby.

"Hello! The obvious choice would be Toby," offers Emma.

"Toby?" says Manny, raising her eyebrows. "He's not an actor."

"Beggars can't be choosers, Manny," says Emma. "You know he'd do it. You're running out of time."

"I'm mad at him."

"What? What did he do?" exclaims Emma.

"He invited Clara to his family's holiday dinner," answers Manny.

"But they're friends. I've invited you, J.T., and Toby to barbeques, parties, weddings. Doesn't mean I want to date any of you."

Manny rolls her eyes. "So."

"So do something about it."

"I yelled at him."

"Stop being a jealous brat and call to apologize," suggests Emma, standing, then wincing.

"Not jealous," lies Manny. "Okay, a tad jealous. And I can't move."

"Yes, you can. Move."

Emma grabs Manny's arm, forcing her to stand. Manny brushes off the bottom of her shorts, sighs. Manny goes to Emma's phone, dials Toby's number. Three rings sound, and then a voice mail comes on. Manny immediately clicks off.

"Not there?" says Emma.

"I'm bad with voice mail," says Manny, tapping her chin lightly with the phone. "I always say stupid things, especially when it was a guy, namely Craig."

Emma laughs quietly. "Hmmm, let's see. What should you say? Oh, Toby Wobes, I'm so, so sorry that I overreacted about the whole dinner thing. I miss you so much. If you forgive me, I'll promise to go to every Computer Club meeting, memorize every anime ever known..."

"Shut up, Emma," warns Manny, trying to hide a smile.

"Then again, it's not true love until he buys you a Fluffy Fluff," adds Emma, smacking her lips.

Manny tosses a pillow at Emma's head.

"Owww," groans Emma.

II.

"_Hark hallowed bells, sweet silver bells_!" sings Marco, examining some packaged mistletoe.

Ellie throws him a smile, resumes going down the aisle of the department store they wandered into for what Marco said would be a good start for last minute shopping trips. Fake, medium-sized Santas smile at her as she walks by. Gold ornaments, silver and white tinsel, and snow globes sit in a display case opposite her.

"As cynical as I am, always get giddy when I see a snowglobe," says Ellie, picking one up and shaking it.

"And as much as I love you, I'm going to say that's tacky," cautions Marco. "It's five dollars, babe. We can do better than that."

"I'm not getting this for Sean, Marco," says Ellie. "Just looking at it. It's so weird to be shopping for him again."

"Has to be under twenty bucks, right?" asks Marco.

"Yep," replies Ellie. "That's the pact we made. Well, the pact I kinda forced since I'm really low on the cash front."

"Meanwhile, Jimmy buys you fancy pens," says Marco. "Oh, to be you."

Ellie shakes her head, digs out the pen from her purse. She was seriously thinking about returning it. What if Sean saw it, got the wrong idea? Besides, her old, run-of-the-mill pens never failed her. The problem was the initials, but perhaps they could be taken off.

"Ellie?" says a familiar voice , the last voice she wants to hear as she shops for Sean.

"Hey, Mom," greets Ellie, turning to see her mother head towards them.

"This is nice running into you here," says Ms. Nash, smiling. "Hello, Marco."

"Hi," says Marco, sweetly.

"Aww, that's a gorgeous gift," says Mrs. Nash, seeing the pen in Ellie's hands. "Who's that for?"

"No one actually," replies Ellie. "It's a gift from Jimmy."

"Jimmy?" says Mrs. Nash, thoughtfully. "Oh, I met him and his parents at Back to School Night. He's a very nice young man."

"Yeah," says Ellie, avoiding her mother's eyes.

"The kind of guy that's really going somewhere," assesses Mrs. Nash, grinning. "Told me he's an artist. A nice pick there. Isn't that right, Marco?"

Here we go again, thinks Ellie, glancing at a fake Santa, who now looks so disgustedly happy she wants to punch him. She couldn't act that fake, but she could remain silent, let her mother think whatever she wanted.

"Um...sure. Jimmy's great," says Marco, nervously.

"Well, make sure to get him a nice gift, Ellie," says Mrs. Nash. "Maybe he can come over for Christmas. I'll see you at home."

Mrs. Nash goes to the cash register, a giant grin on her face. Ellie squeezes the snowglobe tight, watches her mother exit the store with her purchase.

"El!" cries Marco, prying the globe from her hands. "Don't crack the snowy city under the glass."

Ellie looks down apologetically. "Oh...sorry."

"Your mother really gets under your skin," says Marco.

"She refuses to see that Sean's worth my time," says Ellie. "I have to do something to show I'm serious about one person and one person only. Sean'll know it, Mom'll know it. And if it gets her angry, so what?"

"What are you going to do? Tattoo Sean's name on your lower back?" says Marco, laughing as he peers into the glass window.

Ellie stares too, mulls over things in her mind. A tattoo would be permanent, but not meaningful, well, not the kind of meaningful she's looking for. What would be meaningful, convince Sean that she didn't agree with her mom? Then, the night of the party came into clear focus.

"I'll...I'll have sex," says Ellie, as confidently as she can.

"Whoa!" exclaims Marco, dropping the globe, the glass smashing.

A clerk looks over at them, Marco just staring at Ellie, dumbfounded.

"You break, you buy!" shouts the clerk, folding his arms.

"Sex with Sean," says Marco, more to himself than her.

"Sure...he's carrying around condoms, so I think he'd be up for it, right?" says Ellie, blushing. "You're...um...going to help me? Because like...I know this is sudden but...but I want it to be special."

It is sudden, not really thought out, but it is something that would cement her feelings about Sean. Besides, it's not like he isn't attractive, and it's not like they hadn't slept near each other the year before. No, no, this would go off with a hitch, and there's a certain delight in disobeying her mother, too. Two pluses and no negatives. No time to give into nerves.

"Help me make it special, Marco," whispers Ellie, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're more experienced...in this department."

"I don't know, Ellie. You absolutely sure?"

"I'm nervous, but yeah, I think this would be a good time," replies Ellie.

Marco takes a deep breath, smiles. "Since I'm already buying this globe, let's hit the decorations too. Got an idea. Every big event needs a theme, right? Your first time definitely qualifies. You guys deserve the total package. Something intimate..."

"Romantic," supplies Ellie.

"The ultimate gift," says Marco, wrapping an arm around Ellie's waist. "Something that screams Sean and Ellie."

III.

Ellie crosses her legs, then uncrosses them. She does it a few more times, glancing around the community center health office. The secretary behind the desk sneezes into a tissue, lets out a deep breath. To calm her anxieties, Ellie had picked up one of those Mad-Lib books. Her father used to buy them for her, and they were a great way to pass the time when she got stressed. Filling out the first few blanks, she smiles. Her smile disappears as soon as she sees Ms. Sauve's office door open and Amy, Sean's ex-girlfriend, coming out. Amy looks disgustedly at Ellie, goes to the secretary.

"I need a new diaphragm," says Amy, not at all embarassed.

"Amelia, that's the third one in two months," says the secretary. "What are you doing with these?"

"Just give me one, alright?" snaps Amy. "I don't ask about your sex life, or lack of."

The secretary shoots her a sharp look, goes to the anteroom to get what Amy needs.

"What are you staring at, pale freak?" says Amy, coldly looking at Ellie.

"Nothing," says Ellie.

"What are you writing?" smirks Amy. "Some goody two shoes article on how every person should know about birth control?"

Amy peers over at Ellie's lap, and Ellie quickly grabs a nearby pamphlet. She didn't want Amy knowing she was doing Mad-Libs, which she knows isn't exactly adult, especially after the whole diaphragm discovery. I'm not a little kid, or else I wouldn't be here.

"I'm reading about...," starts Ellie, glancing at the pamphlet. "Herpes. Eww."

Amy laughs, takes the diaphragm from the returning secretary.

"Take a trip to the ravine, Ellie?" asks Amy. "No, I don't believe you. But I don't care."

"Well, since you had gonorrhea, I guess you wouldn't," shoots back Ellie. "And I'm clean, thank you very much."

"That's because you're a prudy ice princess with a flat punk body," says Amy. "No wonder Sean got to goin'."

"Go wear out another diaphragm!" yells Ellie, standing up.

"Girls!" chastises the secretary. "Ellie, Ms. Sauve will see you now."

Amy sticks her tongue out at Ellie, leaves the office. Ellie throws the secretary an apologetic look, goes into Ms. Sauve's office.

"Ellie!" greets Ms. Sauve. "You look great. Have a seat."

Ellie sits, smiles. "Thanks."

"I wasn't sure about offering counselling during break, but then someone like you comes in, and I know it's worth it. How's group?" says Ms. Sauve.

"Wonderful," says Ellie, grinning. "Thanks for recommending it. It really helps to talk. Haven't cut in a long time."

"That's great, Ellie," says Ms. Sauve. "What can I do for you today?"

"Um...it's kind of embarrassing," says Ellie, blushing. "Don't tell."

"I never do," says Ms. Sauve. "All information in this room remains confidential."

"Uh, I have some sexual questions," says Ellie, looking down into her lap.

"Oh," says Ms. Sauve, softly. "Okay. Well, shoot."

"I know all the mechanics, first of all. I'm not...naive, you know."

"Oh, I'm sure you know some things by the age of seventeen," says Ms. Sauve, kindly.

"It's just...how do you know it's the right time? And I really want it to be with Sean...I mean, with this boy I know."

Ellie covers her mouth. Great, she thinks. Now she knows who I want to lose my virginity to. Thankfully, it didn't seem to faze Ms. Sauve.

"Ellie, sometimes girls have sex for different reasons," says Ms. Sauve. "So a guy will like them, so they'll fit in, to see what it's like. Whatever reason you choose for yourself, make sure you won't be disappointed. It should be safe and fulfilling, and you should know your body, and as cheesy as it sounds, your heart."

"That doesn't sound amazingly cheesy," assures Ellie.

Ms. Sauve laughs lightly. "Good to know. You want to go over the forms of protection?"

"Yeah," answers Ellie. "Anything but diaphragms, though."

III.

With shaking fingers, Christian begins to button his suit jacket. Toby tries hard not to notice his boss' anxiety, instead moving his attention to the customer records he's updating. With a resolute rap from Christian on the table, however, Toby's gaze goes back to Christian.

"Four freakin' commentaries!" gushes Christian. "Think I'm going to have Sofia autograph it, too."

Toby nods. Only Christian would be this excited about the release of Godfather II: The Collector's Edition on DVD. Then again, it isn't everyday that Sofia Coppola herself would be there at Electric City to answer fan questions. Even Toby has to admit that's pretty cool, cool enough for Christian to skip out on him and bring in Clara to help him out.

"This is a fan's dream, Toby. A fan's dream," continues Christian, who has a misty eye.

"Uh...yeah," says Toby. "When's Clara getting here?"

"Mmm, I called Manny. Luckily, she can make it. Figured she needed more practice before you and Clara go to camp. You can check out after thirty minutes, because Clara's coming by."

"What?" says Toby.

Yes, he wants to see Manny. He always wants to see her, but he's a little antsy about how Manny feels about him at the moment. When he told his father Clara could come to dinner, he honestly thought it sounded platonic. Clara may've not taken it that way, and Manny hadn't taken it that way, but that's the way he took it. Maybe Manny would come around.

"Speaking of a man's dream," says Christian, grinning. "Must really be nice to work with two girls, eh?"

Toby remains quiet, goes back to the computer.

"Adios, Toby," says Christian. "Call me on the cell if you need anything. See you at the big dinner, and thanks!"

"Bye," says Toby.

Right after Christian exits, the door opens, Snake carrying Jack to the counter. Jack seemingly recognizes Toby, greets him with a high-pitched "Hillo!"

"No...no, it's hello, Jack," corrects Snake. "Say hello."

"No!" yells Jack, then he screams loudly.

Snake frowns at Toby. "Can I drop off this kid instead of _Fahrenheit 9/11_?"

Toby smirks as Snake hands him the cassette.

"Anything else?" asks Toby.

"Nope...but hey, I heard about you possibly going to Kytel from Clara. That's such a great opportunity, Toby. It'd look good on your resume."

Ugh, camp. It did sound like fun, but he isn't so sure he wants to be around Clara for three whole days, especially since Manny was so ticked about a few hours at his house.

"Not sure I'm going," confesses Toby.

"Why?" demands Snake, as Jack pulls at his ear. "Toby, this would be a great foundation for whatever career you want to pursue. Graphics, animations, information systems...what's stopping you from going?"

"Stuff," says Toby, shrugging.

Jack stops tugging at Snake's ear, and Toby watches Snake's expression grow from confusion to clarity.

"Toby, if there's certain people you don't want to leave for this, I really wish you would reconsider. Girls...don't get me wrong, they're great. She's great. But you have to think of your future."

"Fine," says Toby, though he's sure it's not believable.

"Okay," sighs Snake, totally not buying it. "I have to get Jack home."

The bell on the door tinkles, Manny slowly approaching the both of them. Toby pretends to stare at the computer screen.

"See ya, Mr. Simpson," says Toby.

"Catch you guys later," replies Mr. Simpson, going through the door.

In his peripheral vision, Toby sees Manny taking off her coat, the sparkle of her vest. Great, thinks Toby. Even when I'm not looking at her, I am looking at her. This was going to be the longest thirty minutes of his life.

"Do you need me to do anything?" questions Manny.

"No," says Toby, tapping a few keys. "You can just keep an eye out for customers."

"Alright," says Manny. "Do you care if I stand next to you?"

Toby shakes his head. Manny stands right next to him, and his palms grow sweaty as he types.

"Toby?" says Manny.

"Yeah?" says Toby.

"Can you stop typing for a sec?"

Toby takes his hands off the keyboard, faces forward instead of looking at her. Manny coughs.

"I know this girl that's pretty emotional about things, and it causes her to do stuff that's not good, like get jealous over guys she's into," says Manny, staring at the side of his face.

Toby glances down at the countertop.

"And she's working on it, because she knows it's childish," says Manny. "It comes easy to her because she's been hurt before. And she's sorry. Sorry to the maximum. I wanted you to know that."

A smile escapes Toby's lips, making Manny smile too.

"Personally, I feel like you should forgive her," adds Manny. "Just my opinion."

"Well, you do give really good advice," says Toby. "I'll forgive her."

Manny beams. "Excellent choice."

Toby squeezes her hand, goes back to typing.

"What are you working on?" asks Manny, wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his shoulder.

This was surely the closest Manny had ever let him get to her, and he likes it. I like it a lot, thinks Toby.

"Customer records," says Toby, swallowing a lump in his throat.

"Can they wait?" says Manny.

"Um...it's better to get them done," replies Toby.

"Too bad. Because it's Thursday, which means this place is essentially dead," reminds Manny.

"Yep," says Toby, his palms sweating again.

"And though my muscles are aching from those heinous dance rehearsals, my lip muscles...definitely in need of a workout," says Manny, beginning to kiss his neck.

"You're killing me, Manny," whispers Toby, manuevering out of her grasp, going to the side of the counter. "We can't."

"Let's see. Christian's gone, Clara's gone, customers gone, and we're here alone," rattles off Manny.

"We have to work," says Toby, hoping he doesn't sound too pathetic.

"Doing what?" says Manny, walking to him. "Come on, Toby. We haven't kissed in two whole days. Where's the reward in making up if you can't make up?"

"I don't know..."

"The backroom looks pretty empty," says Manny, kissing him on the cheek. "And take it from someone who knows, making out in secret places is pretty thrilling."

"I gotta do this," says Toby, heading back to the computer.

Manny sighs, gets back behind the counter. Toby couldn't believe that just happened, and more than that, he can't believe he turned it down. Now he feels like kicking himself.

"Guess I could straighten up the magazines for the tenth time this week," suggests Manny.

"Or...um, we could go to the backroom?" speaks up Toby, grinning at her. "If you still want to."

Manny's mouth drops, then she smiles. "You're so bad, Toby."

She takes his hand, leads him to the backroom, flips on the light. This has to be the best day he's ever spent here.

"This is nice," says Toby, awkwardly.

"Nice, quiet, and private," says Manny, stroking his cheek. "Glad I came in today. Plus we get benefits."

"Not really, remember?" says Toby. "Part-time jobs?"

"This job has other types of benefits," says Manny, pressing her lips to his.

Toby places his hands over the sparkled back of her vest, lets his mouth follow hers. This is some lip workout, he thinks, smiling as he goes in for another kiss. Manny pulls him closer, as the light in the room flickers on and off.

"Mmm," says Manny, pulling away. "What's that?"

They both turn around to view Clara, taking her hand off the light switch.

"I come in early and this is what I get to view," says Clara, coldly. "The two of you not working. But that's standard for you, isn't it, Manny?"

Both Manny and Toby wipe their lips, Toby offering her a sympathetic look.

"Wait until Uncle Christian hears about this," says Clara, going back into the main room.

Manny gives Toby a nervous look, and they follow Clara.

"What?" says Manny, straightening her vest.

"Ever heard of the phrase 'don't mix business with pleasure'?" says Clara. "You were on thin ice before, Manny, but doing this is going to land you in some really hot water. Boiling."

"Is this about that stupid box I didn't open?" exclaims Manny. "Couldn't find the cutter thing. So sue me."

"No, it's about you acting skanky," counters Clara.

"That's enough, Clara," says Toby. "It's my fault as much as hers."

"Oh, so you initiated it? Please, Toby. I'm not _that _dumb," says Clara. "Rules stipulate that someone has to be at the desk at all times. So while you two were having your little love fest, no one was out here. You're totally fired, Manny."

"Clara, I don't deserve to...," protests Manny.

"You don't deserve Toby, but guess what, you got him. He's so whipped he'll do anything for you. But this is one thing he can't do for you. You did it yourself. Your job...gone," interrupts Clara.

Manny starts to take off her vest, her eyes growing teary.

"You can't do this!" says Toby, stopping Manny at the third button. "Clara, not to pull rank or anything, but I am the manager when Christian's gone."

"Oh yeah, so you'd have to fire her," reminds Clara. "Go ahead."

What? Fire her? Clara is way out of line. He does remember the rules. He'd been tested on them, but they flew out of his mind during that moment with Manny.

"No way!" exclaims Toby.

"Toby, you need this job," says Clara, calmly. "If you don't do what you're supposed to do, you'll have to go."

"Toby, don't...I'll go," says Manny, taking off her vest, handing it to Clara.

Toby silently watches her. His heart sinks to his chest. Yes, he needed money for his car and school, but he knows this job means a lot more to Manny.

Clara rolls her eyes, doesn't take it. "Remove the ugly sparkles, and return it."

Manny nods, wiping her eyes. She goes outside the store. Toby slams the counter, making Clara shrink back, follows Manny out on the sidewalk.

"I'm getting your job back," promises Toby.

"Toby...no," says Manny, sniffling. "I don't want to work with Clara. And me working with you now...well, it's distracting."

"Still going to try," says Toby. "You've worked too hard."

Manny stops in her tracks. "I can't do this...anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Ask you for favors. I almost cost you your job, Toby! I was going to ask you to be my partner in this scene for the pageant and..."

"Well, I'm not an actor," says Toby. "But I can do it."

"I know you would, but I don't want you to," says Manny, forcefully. "The job, the dress, what you did for me at the center, the gifts, now this. Toby, Clara's right. I don't deserve it. I'm starting to think I don't even deserve five years of friendship from you."

"Yes, you do," says Toby, hugging her.

Manny gets out of the hug much to his disappointment. He could usually read her, but not right now.

"What have I done for you?" says Manny, massaging her temple. "A basket of candy, a date. Nothing else."

"I loved both," assures Toby. "I mean, the date? Awesome. Manny...you make me feel things I haven't felt since...since Kendra. More than Kendra. That's all that matters, isn't it?"

Toby locks eyes with her, hoping that last statement made a difference. He leans in to kiss her, but she covers her eyes, start to cry.

"I can't deal with this," she says, walking quickly away. "Stay away from me."

Toby takes off his glasses, rubs his wet eyes. Stay away from her? No, she didn't mean that. Did she?

He tentatively goes back into the store, brushes past Clara, starts typing again.

"She dumped you?" says Clara, straightening up some papers.

Toby nods. "I think so."


	25. Stay

**XXV. Stay**

_You, you make my life much brighter_

_You're always on my mind_

_You, you make my load much lighter_

_True love is hard to find_

_Sometimes I feel I have to get away_

_I change my mind when I look in your eyes_

_And when those clouds come in and try to darken our days_

_I'll always want you to_

_Stay, stay darling _

_You saw through my lies and deception_

_Yeah I was losing my way_

_You, you gave my life some direction_

_And now I'm ready to say_

_I know there's bound to be some hard times ahead_

_I'd be a fool to believe_

_But if you go I'd rather think of dying instead_

_I never want you to leave_

_When you walked out my door_

_I knew you'd be back for more_

_Let's leave the past behind_

_Ture love is so hard to find_

_Don't be afraid_

_It's gonna be all right_

_'Cause I know that I can make you love me_

_Love me, love, love, love, love me, love me_

_I'll always want you to stay_

_And then we can scoop, scoop, scoop, scoodooly be bop_

_You know you've got to stay_

_I think about you night and day_

_You know you've got to stay_

_I can make you love me_

_Love me, love me, love me..._

**My Brain is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes to Bitburg) is the property of the Ramones.**

Standing in the stairwell of what would be, might be, their apartment building, Ashley retrieves the preliminary itinerary for the BB6 New Voices Festival. She'd be playing in various spots in London, sometimes getting the chance to open the festival, other times being situated in the middle of other up and coming artists. It still seems so fake, that they'd chosen her, despite her supervisor being very appreciative of her hard work and drive. What she doesn't know is if Craig will be appreciative of the fact that she wants to back out of their plans. Really, they were his plans, and she just went with them. Nevertheless, she isn't looking forward to telling him, but when Craig suggested that they start cleaning the apartment after band practice, she convinced herself that this would be a good time.

She slowly goes up the stairs, hears heavy music as she nears 4A. There's a slit in the doorway, the bass of the music drumming in her ears. Peering through the slit, she sees Craig washing the window with a cloth, then doing air guitar as the first verse kicks in. He sings along, bending to his knees.

_You've got to pick up the pieces_

_C'mon, sort your trash_

_You better pull yourself back together_

_Maybe you've got too much cash_

_Better call, call the law_

_When you gonna turn yourself in? Yeah_

_You're a politician_

_Don't become one of Hitler's children_

Ashley parts the door slightly, leans in the doorframe. Giggling softly, she recognizes the familiar Ramones song. She remembers that he used to play it whenever he was happy about something: learning a new song on his guitar, their first date after getting back together, when Ashley said she'd work on the Kevin Smith tune with him. It was his animated anthem, where his adrenaline was at its apex. And here I am about to totally ruin the moment, thinks Ashley.

"_My brain is hanging upside down. I need something to slow me down_," sings Craig.

He spots Ashley, his face glowing with sweat, waves.

"Hey, you're already cleaning!" shouts Ashley over the music.

"Not anymore," says Craig, grabbing her hand, dragging her to the floor. "We're dancing now."

"No!" protests Ashley, laughing. "In these heels?"

"Take 'em off and mosh with me," pleads Craig, grinning. "Come on, Ash."

_"_It's too loud!"

"And the problem with that is?"

She sighs. Craig could always make her do the strangest things. Taking her heels off, she drops them near a box of cleaning supplies.

"Woohoo!" yells Craig, triumphantly.

He takes both hands in hers, and they jump in time to the music. Craig bops his head to the music, Ashley doing the same. For those few seconds, she forgets what she came to do, letting the guitar riffs and quick drums take her away.

_Shouldn't wish you happiness, wish her the very best_

_Fifty thousand dollar dress_

_Shaking hands with your highness_

_See through you like cellophane_

_You watch the world complain, but you do it anyway_

_Who am I, am I to say_

He twirls her around, Ashley smiling, putting a hand to her head. The room is spinning as happy as she feels. Craig notices, turns the volume down to barely above a whisper.

"Dizzy," says Ashley, remaining still.

"Eh, you're out of practice," says Craig. "We haven't been to a concert since...I guess the first time we dated."

"Oh yeah!" says Ashley. "We had matching armbands and everything. You pretended to be a ticket scalper."

"Which didn't work," says Craig, sitting on a cardboard box. "Must've looked too innocent or something."

Ashley hits him playfully. "Yeah, that was it."

"The thing about the mosh pit...makes you all funky," complains Craig, glancing forlornly at his red T-shirt. "Add that to cleaning the bathroom and the windows, and I'm gross."

"Aww, you did all that?" says Ashley in disbelief. "You deserve a reward."

"Well...the shower's free," says Craig, winking. "You can give me a reward in there."

"Hmmm...," replies Ashley, stroking her chin. "No."

Craig snaps his fingers. "Shoot."

Ashley smiles, glances down at her coat, the itinerary housed in her pocket. Did she want to do this right now? There's no backing out, though. She'd already agreed, made the calls, and her supervisor was making all the arrangements. But Craig's arrangements...he's working so hard. No. time to face the music.

"I want to show you something," says Ashley, pulling out the itinerary.

"What is it, your Christmas list?" asks Craig, leading her to his lap. "Of course I'm on top."

"No," says Ashley, quietly. "Read it."

Craig takes the itinerary, reading it over Ashley's shoulder.

"BB6...oh, that's your station, isn't it?" says Craig. "Cool, a festival. Lots of names I've never heard of, though. Oh, that explains it. New voices. Are you going?"

"Um...keep reading," encourages Ashley.

Craig takes it from her, giving it a better look.

"Evening Approach...that's a cool band name...Sarah Lincoln...from Ireland..."

Ashley bites her lip, waiting for him to get there.

"Mark Kennick...Ashley...Ashley Kerwin!" says Craig, shouting when he reads Ashley's name. "Ashley Kerwin!"

"Yeah," shrugs Ashley, smiling.

"This is like...this is like...huge, Ash!" exclaims Craig, hugging her tightly. "You're going to have your own set...your own sound check...maybe we can invent a wave for you too."

"What?" says Ashley.

"You know...like when you're feeling a song and everyone's waving their lighters around. Of course that means I'd have to get a lighter."

Ashley kisses the top of his head. "You're sweet."

"We could use those little glow sticks, but lighters are so much more rock n' roll," says Craig. "So when are all these people coming to Toronto?"

Ashley glances down, doesn't say anything.

"Ash?" prompts Craig.

"It's...it's for a month in London, Craig," speaks up Ashley. "BB6, you know?"

Craig's face goes from euphoric to annoyed. Another crushed dream to add to the pile, all courtesy of me, thinks Ashley, staring at him hopefully.

"In July," clarifies Ashley. "I'd phone you everyday. And IM. Promise you'll get sick of them."

Craig stands, Ashley sliding off his lap. She barely misses the floor, managing to keep her balance. Craig looks out the newly cleaned window, putting his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.

"You're going...again," says Craig, shaking his head.

"For a month...and then I'll be back," assures Ashley.

She hates talking to his back, not being able to see his expression.

"The same country...the same promises...the same lies," begins Craig, his voice rising.

Ashley frowns, grabs his shoulders, makes him look into her eyes.

"The same Ashley...that's what you want to say, right?" says Ashley. "I apologized! It won't be like last year. All I'm asking is that we move in a bit later."

"I spent my savings on this place!" exclaims Craig.

"Craig! Why? What possessed you to use your savings for this?"

"The fact that I love you, maybe!" says Craig, taking her hands off him."I'm looking for jobs, and you're planning tours across London to get away from me."

"That's ridiculous!" argues Ashley. "I said yes, because it's a good opportunity for me. I don't want to get away from you. Why are you being like this? You were proud of me seconds ago...I want to sing and play."

"You are singing and playing...the Squatch, the pagaent...the gigs too small for you?"

"The Squatch is your band, Craig. They play your music, follow your lead. And the money from the festival...I thought we could get a better place."

Craig gives her a puzzled look. "A better place? Ash, this is our place."

Ashley lets out a deep breath.

"Craig...this apartment has roaches plus flies, and it smells, and people trade drugs outside, and...," begins Ashley.

"Wow...wow," interrupts Craig, his jaw dropping. "So what you're saying is that I wasted my savings on an apartment-sized crackhouse."

"No...no, I think we can...," says Ashley. "It's really bad, Craig."

"You're different," says Craig, holding up his hands.

Ashley feels her cheeks burn as Craig starts to pack up the cleaning supplies. Different? Because I don't want to live in these foul living conditions?

"What?" whispers Ashley.

"The new clothes, the ritzy internship, the curled hair...not you, Ash," says Craig, lifting the box, gazing into her eyes. "The Ashley that I love...she would see what I see."

"See what?" says Ashley, her eyes blurry. "Craig..."

"I am proud of you, Ash," says Craig, offering her a weak smile.

"Thanks," chokes out Ashley, wiping away a tear. "You...you still want to be move in with me, right?"

Craig puts down the box. "I can't...can't answer that question, okay?"

"Craig..."

"Take your festival money. Do whatever you want with it...buy a place... I'm staying here."

Ashley folds up the itinerary, trying to stop tears that are falling. He said he saw her up on the mountains, the Ashley he fell in love with. What, he didn't see it anymore? The girl he ran out of a studio for, the girl he held in the hospital bed, the one who he sang to? Maybe she was out of synch, out of line. He spent his savings, so secure about what he wants, who he is, and all she's handing him is confusion. No wonder he can't trust her. You can't trust someone you're guessing about. She opens her mouth to speak, but Craig heads for the bathroom with the box, not bothering to glance in her direction.

She waits a couple more minutes, watches Craig go back to the window.

"I am the same," says Ashley, softly crying. "I think I am...I want to be."

Ashley takes a step backward, looking at him, hoping he'll say everything will be fine. No. She goes outside the apartment, closes the door, slides down the door in a sobbing heap. How could it all break down so fast? Only here she is, breaking down faster.

II.

"Dude, if I zoom in, I can see Darcy's bra strap!" whispers Danny, excitedly, adjusting the lens of his camera.

At the back of the auditorium, Derek grins, tries to take the camera for himself. Manny had learned to tune them out by now, but she's pretty much tuning everything out at their last pageant meeting. She can't recall ever feeling this numb inside, like her organs are struggling to work inside her body, like all her high energy has been sucked out of her.

Liberty, Ms. Hatzilakos, Spinner, Mrs. Tellman, Todd, the talent agent Mrs. Dale, and the other judge, Dr. Vance, head of the Degrassi Rotary Club, who'd be financing the scholarship, stand at the front as Liberty starts to read a list of reminders. The vast majority of the group appears bored, except for J.T., who sadly eyes Liberty.

Emma taps Manny on the shoulder.

"Want to go with me and Spin to the Dot after this?" asks Emma.

Manny shakes her head.

"What's wrong with you? You're so quiet," says Emma.

Manny looks away from her.

"All segments must've been approved by Mrs. Tellman. That includes any changes. Any changes to your segments will result in disqualification," says Liberty. "Contestants should arrive here promptly at five-thirty..."

Liberty's voice softens as Manny thinks about that first reminder. There's a definite change to her segment. She has no partner. That and the rip in her dress that she never got around to fixing. There's no time to do anything, and even if she worked very hard, her heart wouldn't be in it. Might as well quit, she thinks.

She told Toby to stay away from her, but that wouldn't solve any of her problems, and she knew they were _her_ problems. After what Toby said about him feeling more for her than Kendra, her mind shut down and she couldn't trace any words together. When she got home, she made it a point to avoid Emma and her family, and at night, it nagged at her. It was unfortunately the same thing that was nagging her today, the fact that she wasn't Kendra. She hated admitting it, but Clara was a lot like Kendra. Clara treated Toby well since day one, understood his interests, actually put him first. Meanwhile, she's ignoring him, getting jealous, taking in all these sweet things. Some equal relationship, she moans inwardly. She didn't mean to do it, or want to do it. That's why she pushed Toby away, as much as it hurts her.

"I'm...I'm quitting," whispers Manny.

"No!" says Emma, loudly.

"Miss Nelson, is there a reason you're interrupting Miss Van Zandt?" questions Mrs. Tellman, folding her arms.

"No, Mrs. Tellman," replies Emma, grinning innocently. "Sorry."

Emma throws Manny a disappointed look, doesn't say another word. That ends fifteen minutes later, though, when the meeting is adjourned.

"Have you lost it?" demands Emma, above the sound of scraping chairs as the contestants stand.

"No...no, there's too much to do in five days," says Manny. "There's the run-through, the actual dress rehearsal...and I have to work at the center."

"Yeah, yeah...and the video store, but...," says Emma.

"Not the video store," supplies Manny. "Got fired."

"Why?" asks Emma. "Ugh, Manny. Did you let Peter and Sully into the back room?"

"No!" defends Manny. "I told them the first time they couldn't go back there. Its...me and Toby were...um...making out a little, Clara saw, and freaked."

"Alright, Toby!" praises Emma, grinning.

"Emma..."

"Sorry, sorry," says Emma, quickly. "But shouldn't he be getting fired, too? It takes two to make out, unless something has changed."

"Not when you're the perfect assistant manager, and the boss' niece has a crush on you," says Manny. "I dragged him back there, and I didn't want to make a big deal of it. Got pretty ugly."

"How ugly?"

"I told Toby to keep his distance...which is dumb, because it's the last thing I want. I'm just sick of complicating guys' lives. Sully...ditched him for Craig. Craig...well, that'd take an hour to list what happened with us. I sort of bailed on J.T. and Spinner...because of Craig."

Emma drags Manny to the back of the auditorium, as Derek and Danny leave to go fold chairs and assist Spinner in moving things for the run through.

"Manny, why do you this?" says Emma.

"Because I'm toxic when it comes to romance, because...," begins Manny.

"Because you don't think you should have it," finishes Emma.

"What...what's it?" stammers Manny.

"That one relationship that makes all the bad relationships worth it," says Emma, putting a hand on her shoulder. "The one that scares you in a good way. Isn't that right?"

Manny's face grows flustered. "That's...that's ridiculous, Em."

"Hence you turning various shades of pink," notes Emma. "You want me to talk to him?"

"No!" exclaims Manny. "I have to go...talk...to Mrs. Tellman."

"Don't quit," begs Emma. "Manny..."

Manny takes Emma's hand off of her, advances to Mrs. Tellman, who is in a conference with the two judges. Well, quitting could wait a few minutes. All that work she put in, and Alyssa. What would she say to Alyssa?

"Hello, Manny," greets Liberty, coming up to her. "How goes balancing the routine of beautification and employment?"

"Fine...I guess," says Manny.

She views J.T. in the background, intently listening to them.

"Seems strenuous for others," continues Liberty. "One wonders if this ceremony is eclipsing more essential activities."

"Oh, I know that wasn't a dig at me!" says J.T., walking to Liberty.

"Uh-oh," whispers Manny, glancing down.

"Liberty, why can't you support what I'm doing?" questions J.T. "We've been through this before."

"Yeah, and that's why you dumped me," snaps Liberty, beginning to button her jacket.

"Like I wanted to!" exclaims J.T. "I'm just sick of you not liking any of my decisions. Half the stuff I do is for you. I used to try out all my material on you, remember?"

"Well, you're trying it on everyone else presently," says Liberty, sadly. "It's your adoring public you're concerned about, J.T., not me. I have to come to this event to present the scholarship check, but doesn't mean I'm going to enjoy it or whatever stunt you pull to impress your fanbase. See you later, Manny."

Liberty exits the auditorium, with J.T. letting out a deep breath. He leaves Manny alone, scratching his head.

"Certainly don't want to get in the middle of that," says Manny.

She checks for Mrs. Tellman, who is alone, reading a piece of paper. Manny nods to herself, walks over.

"Mrs. Tellman, can I speak to you for a sec?" says Manny.

"Ms. Santos," says Mrs. Tellman, smiling at her. "Yes, I have a moment."

Whoa, she looks taller when you're speaking with her one on one. Not sure I want to do this, thinks Manny. But she has to.

"I...I have to drop out," says Manny, her forehead sweating. "Sorry."

"The reason?" says Mrs. Tellman, whose face remains oddly the same.

"My partner...can't make it," says Manny. "And my dress is still damaged."

"So it's sheer apathy...you don't care anymore?" says Mrs. Tellman, staring her up and down. "You can't make the necessary adjustments in five days?"

"No, I care...only..."

"I really appreciated your audition answer, Manny," interjects Mrs. Tellman. "It was heartfelt, simplistic. Thought it was the best."

"It was the only thing I could think of," confesses Manny, a little taken aback that she isn't being called Ms. Santos.

"You said you wanted respect, that you want to respect yourself again...this would be a good way to get it."

"Yeah, I did...I mean, I do want it."

"Manny, in case you haven't noticed, there's a distinct lack of diversity in this line-up," says Mrs. Tellman. "Miss Nelson, Miss Michalchuck, Miss Sinclair..."

"All skinny blondes," says Manny, nodding.

"I've seen it for years on the pageant circuit," explains Mrs. Tellman. "And young girls watch these things, sure that's how every beautiful woman should look."

"Yeah, one of the kids at the center..Beth...she's said as much," says Manny.

"So when you or Miss Aden or someone else comes along, it's a bit more encouraging to me. Shows these pageants don't have to be conventional."

And how excited did Alyssa look when I said I was doing it, thinks Manny. This could be a way to show Alyssa that Beth's ideas are wrong, that it's okay to be who you are. Plus her mother was so proud of her too. Maybe she can do it, at least for them.

"Guess we'll be making it unconventional," says Manny, grinning. "Keep me on the list."

Mrs. Tellman beams. "I'll see you at the run-through."

III.

Toby flips open the Kytel brochure Clara had left behind on her last shift, focusing on the smiling teenagers as they display their graphics to panel members, all the high-tech equipment he could use, the fees his dad might help him pay for. As he does this, Manny's desperate voice would sound in his ear: "Stay away from me." Well, going to Kytel would help with that, but it definitely wouldn't stop him from thinking about her.

Luckily, he's the only one in the store today. Clara was coming in at two o' clock, but he wouldn't talk to her, has no idea what to say. The morning had been busy, but around noon, it cooled down, forcing him to try and figure out the last few days. Sure, there has been minor glitches, okay, major glitches sometimes, but he thought being with Manny was worth it. Didn't she?

The bell of the door rings and Toby stands straight. Emma enters, smiling, lugging her schoolbag with her.

"Is this where the perfect assistant manager works?" says Emma, cheerfully.

"Huh?" says Toby, giving her a confused look.

"Manny's words, not mine," says Emma, going to the counter.

Toby darts his eyes, puts the brochure away. "Why are you here, Emma?"

"Figure I'd try out my ambassador skills," answers Emma. "I'm all for peace between Isaacs and Santos, specially since I have to live with Santos."

"She drew the line, not me," says Toby, not looking at Emma.

"Toby, she's only drawing the line, because she's used to being treated a certain way."

Toby shakes his head. "I treated her well. I..."

"No, not you," insists Emma. "Toby, you weren't there for Sully, or the original Craig outing, the one where he got her pregnant. I mean, you've been around, but not like I have."

Emma is right. Manny didn't confide in him about any of that really.

"Go on," says Toby, looking at Emma.

"Needless to say, they've been disappointing. And the latest Craig blow...not good. But then someone comes onto the scene and they knock her off her feet, and it startles her."

Emma arches her eyebrows, pats his hand.

"What...me?" says Toby, starting to smile.

"No, Danny," says Emma, rolling her eyes. "Of course it's you!"

"Oh," says Toby.

"You're a surprise, Toby," says Emma. "I mean, yes, to all of us, that you guys are happening...but more importantly, to Manny. All those boys, her father, let her down, so much that she doesn't feel worthy of whatever's going on with you two. I hate shrinking my best friend, but if she's missing out on something good, then gotta speak up. You want her to miss out?"

Toby smiles. "What's in the bag?"

"Ah ha, step one in my master plan," says Emma, giddily, unzipping her bag.

"Step one?" says Toby.

"Mhmm," says Emma, sliding a packet across the counter. "A certain totally loyal, totally amazing best friend may've photocopied a certain script that may be performed at a certain competition."

Toby picks up the script, his brow furrowing. "I...I can't act."

"Hello!" cries Emma. "You're talking to the lead of Dracula. Mina's ready and willing. Or in this case, Anne."

The scene doesn't look so hard, thinks Toby, flipping through the pages. Manny would have most of the lines, and he'd memorize stuff for synagogue services before. If Emma is speaking the truth, about her not feeling worthy...well, actually, that's what she'd said to him too before she left.

"Meet me after work?" suggests Toby.

IV.

Turning on the sewing machine in the backstage area of the community center, Manny groans when the fabric almost catches. Thankfully, she stops it from being ripped further. It's no use, she thinks. The last time she'd sewn, her vest, she was so happy. She thought about her parents and J.J. hearing she had a "real" job, about the look on Toby's face when she came into the store having done what they discussed earlier. She recalls the surprised expression on his face, smiles. Today, her fingers shake, her head throbs.

"Spinning gold, Manny?" asks J.T. as he comes in. "Small tip. Rumpelstiltskin has to visit you first."

"What, you aren't him?" says Manny, smirking. "You're short enough."

"Short jokes no longer apply when you're dating someone shorter than me," defends J.T., grinning. "Never thought I would say that."

"Well, technically, you can't," mutters Manny. "Toby and I... finished."

"I'm always so out of the loop," complains J.T., sitting in a chair next to him. "Details, please."

"It was...getting too stressful," says Manny. "He's too good for me. That's all you need to know."

"You're scared," says J.T.

"No, we..."

"What are you afraid of, Manny?" demands J.T. "Look, Tobes, he's one of the few decent guys in this school. If he does stuff for you, that's who he is. You can't look for problems that aren't there."

Manny glances at J.T., goes back to putting some thread into the machine.

"I have to fix this," says Manny, clearly eager to change the conversation.

"No, what you better fix is you and Toby," says J.T.

"I'll..I'll think about it."

"Meanwhile, I get the lovely task of trying to figure out what to do about Liberty. You want stress? That's stress!"

"Yeah, kinda noticed," says Manny. "Have you spent any time with her lately?"

J.T. shrugs. "It's not like I don't want to. "

"Well, take a page from Toby. Do something for her. Or are you too busy getting your brows waxed?"

"I...only got a pedicure," says J.T., meekly. "Oh, and bought a spray-on tan. At Paige's suggestion."

Manny laughs. "No tan...promise?"

J.T. nods. "Fine. Ah, I really miss her. And part of me knows she's right. She's always been my favorite audience. Rather have a second chance with her than some tan and some fairweather fans. She's so serious sometimes, but it's all totally worth it, when she smiles."

Manny watches J.T.'s grin grow. "I might know this song...that she secretly adores."

"Say what now?" says J.T.

"You'd have to break the rules, drop out..."

"Because it's a sure thing I'm going to win the first Miss Degrassi with my amazing dance abilities and charming ways," jokes J.T. "No...no, get me the lyrics."

"Oh, J.T., you're such a romantic," says Manny, hugging him from the side.

"Stop," complains J.T., wriggling out of her hold.

Manny goes back to fooling with the sewing machine, until J.T. takes the dress from her, starts evaluating the seam.

"Give me this," says J.T. "Can't spin gold, but this is doable."

"No, no...," she starts to argue.

"I'm the king seamstress, Manny," says J.T., giving her a pointed look. "It's okay to say yes to favors."

"Thanks, J.T.," says Manny, kissing him on the cheek.


	26. Secret

**XXVI. Secret**

_Things haven't been the same_

_Since you came into my life_

_You found a way to touch my soul_

_And I'm never, ever, ever gonna let it go_

_Happiness lies in your own hand_

_It took me much too long to understand_

_How it could be_

_Until you shared your secret with me_

_Mmm mmm _

_Something's comin' over, mmm mmm_

_Something's comin' over, mmm mmm_

_Something's comin' over me_

_My baby's got a secret_

_You gave me back the paradise_

_That I thought I lost for good_

_You helped me find the reasons why_

_It took me by surprise that you understood_

_You knew all along_

_What I never wanted to say_

_Until I learned to love myself_

_I was never ever lovin' anybody else_

_Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret_

_Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret_

_Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret for me_

_Mmm mmm, mmm mmm, mmm mmm_

**All I Want For Christmas (Is You) is the property of Mariah Carey.**

"You can't use that book, Hazel!" exclaims Paige, her low heels clomping against the hardwood floor of the stage.

"Says who?" demands Hazel.

"It gives you an unfair advantage," says Paige.

Manny stops punching numbers into her cell to stare at the both of them, friends she thought were tighter than a magnet against metal. Sure, there was the little situation with Oleander last year, but it took what, a day for them to make amends? Alex sits beside Manny, playing with a keychain, clearly bored.

"An interview book to help you think on the spot!" continues Paige. "I mean, that's so...so..."

"So something you wish you'd thought of," says Hazel, smirking.

Paige harrumphs.

"Mad because I didn't clear it with you, Paige?" asks Hazel. "It's not listed in the packet under the restrictions. I can make a decision on my own, as much as you probably don't believe that. Especially if that decision helps me become more articulate."

"It's not fair!" cries Paige.

"You and Jimmy think I'm totally dumb...that I'm not deep or anything."

"That's not true!"

Alex clicks her tongue, looks over at Paige.

"Getting some Starbursts from the snack shop," she announces, walking outside the auditorium.

"Getting as in stealing?" mutters Hazel, loud enough for Paige to hear.

"Not cool, Haze," chastises Paige.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to insult your lapdog," says Hazel.

The two best friends bicker for a bit more, ending when Paige shakes her head, walks away from Hazel, muttering under her breath. Alex, popping a piece of candy into her mouth, returns to her spot near Manny.

"You pay for that?" asks Paige.

Alex laughs. "No. Want the orange ones?"

"Ugh, come here," says Paige, dragging her to the backstage area.

Manny grins, dials her mother's cellphone number. She'd been due to arrive at the run-through five minutes ago to deliver her talent outfit, but she still hadn't shown up. The run-through itself is pretty boring, with it being mostly technical work while the contestants stand in place. Spinner, Sully, and Peter check lights behind her, since Mrs. Tellman called for an hour lunch break. Truthfully, she didn't so much care about the outfit as seeing her mother again. Seeing her always had a calming effect, which she definitely needed at the moment. No answer.

Hazel and Darcy sit on the edge of a stage, Manny joining them.

"Oh, magic interview book, tell us why pageant run-throughs are so boring?" asks Hazel, shaking the book like a crystal ball.

"Seriously. This is lame," agrees Darcy. "And I'm hungry."

"So am I, and I don' t want a snack...I want real food," says Hazel.

"Co-signing that," says Manny. "And Emma wants to eat with Spinner...oh, sorry Darcy."

Darcy folds her arms, pops her gum. Manny can tell she's fighting back tears.

"It was Spinner's decision," she says, frowning. "A very bad decision...but his. I bet he didn't even pray about it. He's going to regret it. Emma...for sure, will regret it."

Manny's not sure quite what that means, how to reply, but it turns out she doesn't have to. Ms. Santos approaches them, carrying a garment bag and a pair of modest black shoes. Manny walks over, immediately hugs her.

"Thanks for coming!" exclaims Manny. "Can't believe you got it done so fast."

"Your grandmother, master knitter," says Ms. Santos. "It's in the genes. You want to see it?"

Manny nods excitedly. Ms. Santos zips open the garment bag, takes out a demure, powder blue overstuffed blouse with puffed sleeves, lace around the collar, and a gorgeous, long grey skirt.

"So amazing!" gushes Manny. "Very Victorian."

"Yeah, turned out pretty well," says Ms. Santos, blushing. "It was your dad's idea to make it blue. I was thinking a cream color. And it'll look nice with your hair pinned up."

Manny's stomach turns. "Wait...Dad...Dad saw it?"

Ms. Santos nods. "He, of course, loves the fact that you'll be so covered up in this. He's kind of wary about the whole pageant thing, but I picked up that he might actually be interested."

"Really?" beams Manny.

"And he's excited...well, excited as he'll show...that you're coming home for Christmas. Started fixing up, moving your bed and all that," says Ms. Santos, smiling.

Manny grins, brushing back her hair. With all the drama considering the Toby situation, this was more than welcome news.

"Do you think I should invite him...to the pageant?" says Manny, timidly. "I know he doesn't like my acting...but he really hasn't seen my acting either."

"It's worth a shot," says Ms. Santos, shrugging. "Sometimes Joseph does surprise you. But maybe I should be there too. Come over for a fitting tonight, and we'll double team him."

"Thanks, Mom!" says Manny, throwing her arms around her mother.

Her stomach rumbles, and she looks up, embarrassed.

"They don't feed you here?" asks Ms. Santos, putting the outfit back in the garment bag.

"Well, some of the girls went out for lunch," says Manny. "Don't have a car so..."

"I could take you somewhere," offers Ms. Santos. "That Dot place you like."

"Cool. Can Darcy and Hazel come too?"

"Oh, your friends from cheerleading? Yeah, sure. Anyone else is fine too. Just not too many people."

"Thanks. I'll go hang up the outfit and bring it over after the run-through."

Manny takes the garment bag from her mother, goes to the backstage area, where she views Heather and an older version of Heather, a woman with heavy make-up in a fur mink, bustier top and skinny jeans, staring into a mirror. She pauses in the doorway, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.

"Heather, you know you can't wear bright red lipstick," says the woman. "Makes you look whorish."

"Yes, Mom," says Heather, staring down at the table.

"Have you lost that six pounds yet?"

"I lost five. Clogging helps."

"What if that one pound counts, Heather? Honestly, people pack on weight during the holidays, but you always manage to get a head start. You should really win a prize for that."

Heather touches her stomach, Manny seeing her eyes getting wet.

"You have to win this one, Heather," says Ms. Sinclair, sighing. "I mean, I can't keep supporting this if all you're bringing home is second place trophies. Know you want to be on Broadway and all that, but it's costing a lot for you just to get noticed. Could be using that money for Botox, Restylane..."

"Mom, you're gorgeous. You don't need that," comforts Heather.

"I used to be a model, Heather. Have to keep up appearances. So any threats for the title?"

Heather begins to wipe off her lipstick. "Maybe one girl."

"Somebody undeserving, I wager," says Ms. Sinclair. "You have to find some way to make yourself the frontrunner."

"I already tried psyching her out..."

"Well, it didn't work, did it? Heather, you don't put any effort into anything. Not school, not in getting a boyfriend...you really need to step it up if you want to have the best in life."

"Yes, Mom," groans Heather, a tear falling down her nose.

"Okay. I have a Lasik appointment in Cali so I can stop being blind..."

"You're not coming to the show?" whines Heather.

"I don't know yet. If I can't see the freakin' show because of the surgery, what's the point, right? I paid for all of your clothes, so why are you getting fussy?"

"Fine," says Heather. "I'll miss you, but..."

"Mhmm," says Miss Sinclair, checking her hair in the mirror. "I'll be seeing you...hopefully."

Miss Sinclair walks out of the area, brushing past Manny. Manny stumbles into the room, catching Heather's eye.

"You _would_ hear that," says Heather, blotting her eyes with a tissue.

"I...I need to hang this up," stammers Manny, going to the costume rack.

While hanging it up, Manny casts a look in Heather's direction, watching Heather's hand shake as she wipes her tears away. She shouldn't feel any sympathy, should she? Heather has done some awful things. What she did to her and Toby? I mean, there's a reason she's so disliked at Degrassi, thinks Manny. Then, why is comforting her the only thing I want to do?

" It was probably so rewarding for you to see my mom lay into me like that," says Heather, looking at Manny with a bitter expression.

"No...no, it wasn't," says Manny. "Um, my mom's taking a couple of us to the Dot. Wanna come?"

Heather's brow furrows. "No...why? Angling for Miss Congenialty?"

"You need to eat something," says Manny. "There's no food here."

"I need to lose a pound!" insists Heather. "You heard her. I'll eat carrot sticks."

"Fine," says Manny, sharply, then softening. "My dad and I...he put me down a few months ago, so I know how that is."

"You?" blinks Heather. "The perfect little Miss Santos that basically has the title sewn up? The one that can do no wrong?"

"Ms. Dale...she told me I really needed to work on my scene, so trust me, I can do wrong."

"Wait a sec!" cries Heather. "You got help with your audition?"

"No...no," says Manny. "Just a suggestion."

"You're so lying!" exclaims Heather. "Just...just get out of here."

"The offer's still open," assures Manny.

Manny shakes her head, leaves the room. She walks to Darcy, Hazel, and her mother, all chatting happily about what they were doing for the pagaent.

"Anyone else coming?" asks her mother.

"Um...maybe," replies Manny.

II.

"Try it," encourages Spinner, kneeling down beside Emma.

"I can feel a cavity coming in by only looking at this," says Emma, scrunching up her nose.

Toby untwists a bottle of water, drinks some. They were all seated in the cafeteria of the community center. Emma thought it would be a good place for Toby to practice his lines, which he pretty much knew after their previous practice. In fact, he prided himself that he took Emma's direction really well. It helped that Emma had seen Manny practicing too. He's still thankful they're taking a break so he can eat.

"It's chocolate marshmallowy goodness," says Spinner. "I swear."

Emma slowly bites into the Ding Dong, chews for a moment.

"Mmm!" says Emma, holding her mouth.

"What...what is it?" asks Spinner, obviously concerned. "Oh man...I...I didn't mean to...man, give a girl junk food once and damage her teeth."

Toby and Spinner give each other an anxious glance, then stare at Emma.

"This is good!" cries Emma, smiling. "That science experiment about healthy breakfasts I put you and J.T. through, where I praised fruits and veggies...so out of my mind right now."

Spinner nods proudly. "I'll have you eating Twinkies in no time instead of tofu and sprouts. Going to get you another."

Spinner rises from the table, heads for the snack bar. Making sure he's gone, Emma retrieves a baggie of celery sticks from her purse.

"You're not going to share those with Spinner?" jokes Toby.

"Tried to offer healthy food to Sean, and he hated it," shares Emma, biting into a celery stick. "Don't tell Spin I'm eating these."

"Speaking of telling someone, you don't think Manny should know we're doing this?" asks Toby.

"We're going to tell her," says Emma. "At the end of the run-through. You're going to be her knight in shining armour, but she's at the Dot right now. Got a text from her."

"Okay," says Toby. "So you and Spinner? That's...not what I was expecting."

"Me either...but he makes me laugh. I haven't had fun since the shooting really. "

That makes sense, thinks Toby, finishing his water. Emma had spent the majority of the time being sad, dodging all the talk about the ravine, so her having a little fun with Spinner, he could get that.

"And this'll be fun," says Emma, glancing down at Toby's script. "I like that we're involved. You, Manny, me, and J.T...we barely do the same thing anymore. We're all doing this."

"Yeah...I kinda miss us hanging out too," confesses Toby. "I'm going to get some free water from the fountain."

"Free, but free of bacteria and pollution? I think not," says Emma. "I can buy you another bottle, Toby."

"No...no, that's okay," replies Toby, taking the script with him. "I'll read this some more. Don't eat all the Ding Dongs."

Emma hits him lightly, and he chuckles. Going down a couple corridors, he finally spots the water fountain. He turns the knob, drinks a little.

"Toby Isaacs," says a voice to his side.

He looks up. No, he thinks. The worst possible person-- Heather.

"I'm busy," says Toby, rolling his eyes.

"But Toby, I wanted to apologize," says Heather. "About me...outing you and Manny."

"Really?" says Toby, arching his eyebrows.

"Yeah," says Heather. "It wasn't my business to tell. Should've been kept secret until you guys were ready."

Is she legit? Heather smiles sweetly, and he can't tell. He knows Heather barely apologizes to anyone, so maybe this is sincere. There was no one around to put on a show for at least.

"Thanks," says Toby.

"So how are you and Manny?" inquires Heather.

Toby stares at the floor, scratches his head.

Heather gasps. "There isn't a you and Manny anymore? Aww, that's too bad, Tobes."

"It's...it's complicated," says Toby.

Heather glances down at the script. "Is that...is that her scene?"

"Yeah," says Toby. "I...might help her with it."

"But she chose Nate first," says Heather.

"He can't do it. That's what Emma said."

"Ohhhh," says Heather, knowingly.

"Ohhh what?" says Toby, slightly irritated.

Heather grins, moves closer to Toby.

"You know in this very, very, very dim hallway, you're kind of...I don't know, cute," begins Heather.

"What?" says Toby, softly.

"Can see why Manny would go for you," says Heather, touching Toby's face. "Silky, rosy cheeks, sweet brown eyes, that whole fresh-scrubbed, innocent thing you've got going. Very virgin...very safe."

"Safe?" says Toby, pushing Heather's hand away.

"Wow, I try and pay you a compliment, and you get all defensive. Gotta get out more, Toby."

"Like it's sincere," snaps Toby.

"Oh, trust me, it is," counters Heather. "Word of advice. When school actually starts, everyone, and I mean everyone, will be talking about you and Manny. It's break so nobody's around to clown you two..."

"Except you," interrupts Toby.

"I'm just honest. But I'm talking to you because you're more like me, Toby. Manny, her head's in the clouds. But you and me, we're practical. We look out for ourselves so we won't get hurt."

What's all this about? Didn't Heather know he'd thought about what school would be like for him and Manny, too? He knows it won't be smooth, that they'd get stares. So annoying.

"You already get teased enough," says Heather, touching his chest. "And you want Manny to go through that too?"

"People know we're friends," says Toby, weakly, inching back.

"Yeah, friends, but not lovers," points out Heather. "And her and Nate...let you in on a little secret. The agent saw their scene...she was blown away. Said their chemistry was so good they were sure to win."

Toby sighs. "Yeah, I bet."

"He's got the experience that you lack...sorry. Nate's first, and you're the safety guy or Emma wouldn't have asked you," says Heather. "Dependable, so easily duped. It kills me to say that, Toby."

It kills him to hear it, Toby holding the script tightly in his fist. It can't be right, though. Sure, Nate was her number one choice, and she could win with him, but Manny wouldn't use him like that.

"I'm not listening to you," says Toby, trying to move past Heather.

Heather grabs his arm.

"You bought her dress...I saw it," says Heather. "She kisses you to think things are going well. Then you buy her things, and she dangles them in our face, telling us what a lovesick wimp you are and how you can't compare to Nate. I heard her tell Emma to find you after Nate bailed. You're a back-up, Toby. She'll do anything to win, get seen by this agent. It breaks my heart."

This has to be lies. All of it. Toby finds it hard to catch his breath, stares Heather down. Heather pats his shoulder.

"And I just broke your heart, didn't I?" says Heather. "You had to know, though. I feel she should drop out of the running for that, don't you?"

Toby walks briskly down the hall, leaving Heather, his ears burning. No, absolutely not, but it keeps creeping into his mind, his heart. It feels real when they kiss, when they dance, when they're around each other. It can't all be a lie. Lies don't feel like this. They shouldn't feel like this.

III.

"And then I did a knee touch and split my pants," says Hazel, to a chorus of laughter.

Ms. Santos sips her coffee, puts it down. "Poor Hazel."

"Well, I...wait, I forgot my most embarrassing stunt," says Darcy, blushing. "Manny, you go."

Manny blows out a deep breath. Can't tell Mom about semi-formal last year, or the video this year, so...

"Falling at the gymnastics meet," replies Manny. "What was supposed to be my moment of glory turns totally gory."

"It wasn't that bad," assures Ms. Santos, hugging Manny to her side.

The Dot is busy, with some of the other pageant contestants there as well. In twenty minutes, they would all have to head back, much to Manny's disappointment. She likes that her mother is getting along with her friends, and Darcy and Hazel do seem to genuinely like her mother.

"Okay, I remember!" says Darcy. "It involves Spinner...so of course I forgot. Jerk. Anyway, I was on top of the pyramid, and I saw him doing the Monster Mash during the Homecoming pep rally. Keeled over laughing, and thus, a toppled pyramid."

"Oh no," laughs Ms. Santos. "Was Spinner your steady?"

Darcy looks down, sniffles. "Yes."

Manny twists her fork uncomfortably.

Hazel rubs Darcy's back. "Well, it's his loss. In happier news, Manny's approaching steady status with a certain someone."

No, I'm not, thinks Manny. I wish I was.

"Yeah!" says Darcy, brightening up.

"And she won't tell me," says Ms. Santos, playfully pouting.

"Come on, guys," says Manny, turning red.

The door to the Dot opens, Nate coming in with Derek and Danny, the two of them running for the smoothie machine. Nate hangs back, heads over to Manny's table.

"Hi, everyone," says Nate.

"Hey, Nate," say Hazel and Darcy, breathily, at the same time.

"Hey," greets Manny.

"So, Manny...due to circumstances that are favorable, I can perform with you," announces Nate. "Unless I was replaced."

Manny smiles widely. "See you tomorrow at dress rehearsal?"

"Still got my suit," says Nate, waving good-bye, strutting to the counter.

"Is that him?" asks Ms. Santos, elbowing Manny.

"No," says Manny, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm never going to hear about this guy, am I?" sighs Ms. Santos.

"It's Toby!" informs Hazel, happily.

Manny's jaw drops, and she shakes her head at Hazel.

A look of recognition crosses Ms. Santos' face.

"Toby? J.T.'s friend?" says Ms. Santos. "He came over a couple times. Manuellita, that's..."

"Strange? Odd?" supplies Manny.

"No, it's charming," says Ms. Santos, giving her daughter a warm smile. "And I really like him."

Manny reaches over, hugs Ms. Santos, and Ms. Santos kisses her forehead. Over her mother's shoulder, she sees Heather, arms stroking her stomach, come in.

"Excuse me," says Manny, releasing her mother.

Manny walks to Heather, with an anxious smile. Heather smirks.

"Hey...you came," says Manny. "We're almost done. But we'll wait for you to finish, go in late."

"I'm never late," says Heather. "But of course, you were late once. Don't you hate it when your monthly visitor doesn't come?"

"Lame pregnancy jokes," says Manny. "Thrilling."

"So is talking to your ex, or did you two even date more than once?" snaps Heather.

"What?" says Manny.

"I got rid of your little back-up."

"Back-up? Huh?"

"Don't play coy. It makes you look like more of an airhead than you already are. Toby...he was doing your scene. Not so sure that's happening, chica."

What does that mean? Toby...Toby offered to do the scene? How did he get the script? Oh no, thinks Manny. Knowing Heather, it's much worse than she's letting on.

"What did you say to him?" asks Manny.

"Can't tell you," answers Heather. "It's our little secret."

Manny's lip trembles. That sounds so bad, she thinks. So awful.

"What'd you do?" whispers Manny, an ache in the pit of her stomach.

Heather guiltily stares at her for a second, but bumps her to the side, walks to the counter.

"Ready to go back, Manny?" asks Hazel, coming up behind her. "Hey, what's up? You look...sad."

"Hazel," breathes Manny, burying her tear-stained face into Hazel's shoulder.

IV.

Sean bounds up the stairs of his apartment building, nearly knocking down a woman carrying grocery bags in his ascent.

"Hey!" cries the woman.

"Oh, sorry...ma'am," says Sean. "Emergency!"

He makes his way up, fumbling to get the keys out of his jeans pocket. Jay had called fifteen minutes ago, claiming a leaky pipe was flooding his place, the place he'd worked so hard for. And he couldn't help but hope Ellie wasn't there. She stopped by a couple times, to have a more private place to work on the pageant edition, or to talk to him, conversations he enjoyed immensely, conversations he was surprised were actually happening. A year ago, they weren't in contact, and now he's checking to see if she's not getting rained down on?

Nearing the door, he hears music coming from behind it. Cheery, happy Christmas music, music when there's not a flood. Stinkin' Jay.

"Okay?" says Sean, running a hand through his hair.

Jay opens the door ceremoniously, a Santa hat on his head.

"Ah, the wrench monkey has arrived," says Jay. "Thought I heard your heavy boots trumping around out here."

Sean punches Jay lightly in the gut. "Some emergency."

"Dude...," begins Jay.

"What are you doing? This music. Watching the Charlie Brown Christmas special in here again?"

"I wouldn't be so mean if I were you," cautions Jay. "And Snoopy's tight, man. Drives that tricked out plane."

"What's going on?" asks Sean.

"Not allowed to tell," says Jay. "Go in, enjoy yourselves, tell me all about it, you know the drill. Hogart's going out to find some sweet candy for himself, and I don't mean candy canes."

"Whatever," says Sean. "And when are you coming back?"

"Oh, I ain't coming back. You won't want me to come back."

Sean gives him a confused look. Jay grabs him, supplies a noogie, and jogs down the stairs. Peeping into his apartment, the music grows louder.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas_

_There's just one thing I need_

_I don't care about presents_

_Underneath the Christmas tree_

_I just want you for my own_

_More than you could ever know_

_Make my wish come true_

_All I want for Christmas is you._

Sean clears his throat. This is strange, he thinks. Very strange. The main room and the kitchen appear the same, and why did Jay say all those things? The music seems to be coming from his bedroom, so he walks to the door.

What he sees he's not prepared for. Colorful, plastic flowers line the walls on fake, green garlands. Posters of beaches were taped right above his bed, and the sheets were changed from a simple dark green to a light blue. Red and green candles flicker from his bookcase and the nightstand. The room smells of fresh fruit, someone obviously having spritzed the air.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas_

_There is just one thing I need_

_I don't care about presents_

_underneath the Christmas tree_

_I don't need to hang my stocking_

_There upon the fireplace_

_Santa Claus won't make me happy_

_With a toy on Christmas day_

_I just want you for my own_

_More than you could ever know_

_Make my wish come true_

_All I want for Christmas is you..._

_You baby_

It looks like paradise wandered into his bedroom, with a few Christmas touches. Two stockings with S and E in glitter at the top of them hang from his desk. Tinsel adorns the headboard. There's a present with a red bow on top of it on his bed. Sean stares up at the mistletoe above his head, then finally at the girl who seemingly did it all, fiddling with the radio.

Ellie grins shyly at Sean, her red hair weighed down with a floral headpiece of white and red flowers. She wears a glittering, but simple black, long-sleeved nightgown. Saan wipes his mouth, hoping he's not drooling.

"Suddenly not so mad at Jay," says Sean, eyeing Ellie up and down.

Ellie grins, walks over to him, kisses him passionately under the mistletoe. Sean stops kissing her, clutches her face.

"Ia Orana," says Ellie, giggling.

"I...um, have no idea what you're talking about," says Sean, laughing.

"It's Tahitian for hello," says Ellie. "That's all I know."

"Um, Tahitian?" replies Sean.

Ellie backs up, pulls him with her.

"This is our own personal Tahiti," explains Ellie, gesturing to the whole room. "In December. Only pretend it's not thirty degrees outside."

"Wow," says Sean, smiling. "You went all out."

"With help from Marco," admits Ellie. "A lot of help from Marco. You can sit."

Sean nods, amazed at all the work they'd done. Marco, he wasn't close to him, but definitely had to give the guy props. And El in that nightgown? Beaming, he stares down at the gift as he sits.

"Uh-uh, no gifts yet," says Ellie.

Sean holds up his hands. "You're the boss."

Ellie goes to a small desk, retrieves two coconut glasses with umbrella straws.

"You didn't," says Sean, chuckling.

"Don't get too excited. It's Hawaiian punch, which doesn't fit the Tahiti theme," says Ellie, shrugging.

"I never turn down Hawaiian punch," comforts Sean, taking his glass.

"Or chocolate milk," says Ellie, tapping her glass with his.

They drink, Ellie looking nervously around the room.

"Something wrong?" asks Sean.

"No...no, everything's good," says Ellie, though Sean picks up it's said more to herself than him.

"So what's the special occasion?" prods Sean. "Not my birthday."

Ellie smiles. "It's Christmas and...I think it's time for your gift. A bit early."

"Yeah, like I'm going to turn down an early gift," says Sean, taking her hand in his.

Ellie takes off her headpiece, grabs the gift, presents it to him.

"Proceed, Cameron," says Ellie.

Sean unfurls the bow, takes the lid off the box. It's a picture of Ellie, hair down, in a black shirt, black skirt, with red leggings, and black boots, reminiscent of her style last year.

"Hmm, exactly what I wanted," says Sean, leaning in to kiss her.

"Um," says Ellie, backing away. "A bit more symbolic. The gift I want to give you...is free, but it's pretty priceless too. I can only give it to one person."

Sean bites his lip. Symbolic, free, priceless? Wow, that's some present. And she can only give it to one person? Sean's eyes bug out, his jaw drops.

"El!" he exclaims.

"You said I was wanted," says Ellie, glancing into her lap. "Show me how much I'm wanted."

Sean swallows a lump in his throat, grins nervously. Yes, she's very much wanted.

"This is why you're wearing a nightgown," says Sean, nodding.

"Yep," says Ellie.

"Ellie, you sure about this?" asks Sean, hugging her to his chest.

"I love you, Sean," says Ellie, staring up at him.

Sean stands, starts to unzip his jacket. Ellie scrunches back to the center of the bed. She looks so innocent, thinks Sean. So beautiful. But I can do this. It's awkward the first time, then it'd be less awkward once they got into it.

He tosses his jacket to the floor, joins her on the bed, starts to kiss her neck. Ellie presses him down, kissing his mouth.

"Okay," says Ellie, tearing her mouth away from his. "I should unbutton something, you think?"

"Um...um, yeah, or I could do it," says Sean, catching his breath.

"I'd rather do it, I guess," says Ellie.

She unbuttons the top of her nightgown, revealing a black bra. Sean smiles down at her chest, then apologetically looks into her face.

"We good to go?" says Sean.

"Sure...yeah," says Ellie, starting to kiss him again.

They kiss each other intensely for a few more moments, Ellie moving her head to the side after awhile.

"Shouldn't you be on top?" says Ellie.

"I can...I can be on top," says Sean, starting to shift his body.

While moving, his elbow digs into Ellie's ribcage.

"Oh...oh, sorry," mutters Sean.

"It's fine," soothes Ellie. "So I'll just kind of turn this way..."

After a couple more awkward movements, Sean is on top, peeling off his shirt, where it joins his jacket on the floor.

"Do you have a condom?" asks Ellie, suddenly.

"Yeah," assures Sean, fetching his wallet from his jeans.

"What kind?"

"Trojan, I think."

"Can you...like check?"

Sean raises an eyebrow. "Mmmkay?"

He glances down, sees that yes, he's right.

"I'm right," says Sean. "Ready?"

"And I'm on the pill...to let you know," informs Ellie.

"Okay...good," says Sean, kissing her again.

It all feels so amazing. Her neck, her skin, this moment. Yet, occasionally, he does feel her shiver, and is it him, or are her eyes getting misty?

"Ellie?" says Sean. "You alright?"

"Yes," says Ellie. "Why?"

"You're shaking a little."

"Relax," says Sean, stroking her hair.

Ellie nods, sniffling. Sean can tell she's on the verge of tears, slides away from her. Ellie rises, buttons her nightgown, hugs herself.

"Ellie...it's fine," says Sean, cuddling her to his side.

"This is all wrong," says Ellie, standing and pacing the room.

He watches her, so beautiful in the candlelight, but so scared. Was it something he did? I'm always making mistakes, sighs Sean inwardly.

"I shouldn't have...," begins Sean.

"No, no, it's not you!" exclaims Ellie. "It's Mom."

"Your mom?"

"I wanted to prove to her, to you that this is permanent. That we're permanent. The concept is too difficult for her to grasp."

Sean clears his throat. "Wait, so you're sleeping with me to spite your mom?"

"No, Sean...I...," protests Ellie.

"That's what it sounds like, Ellie. It should be about the two of us, not her," says Sean, raising his voice.

Ellie smirks. "I can't win with anybody. Gosh, if I like Jimmy, Hazel gets mad. If I like Craig, Ash gets mad. If I like you, Mom gets mad."

"I didn't know you had so many choices," says Sean, retrieving his shirt, putting it on.

"Sean, come on," says Ellie.

"No, you come on," retorts Sean. "Ellie, you seem really confused."

"I am not," insists Ellie. "I'm upset because my mother hates my boyfriend."

"Nope, you're upset because you have to hide your boyfriend from your mom," says Sean. "I don't want to sneak around, or for you to prove stuff to yourself. I'm not confused at all."

Ellie goes to the bookcase, starts blowing out the candles.

"Ellie, stop...I'm sorry," says Sean, making a grab for her arm.

"Wouldn't want your place to burn down," says Ellie, blowing out the last one. "That's one nice thing I can do for you. Trust me, it sucks."

"El..."

"Sean, you're acting like I'm this total malicious cow," says Ellie. "Like I have a vendetta. I care about my mom, I care about you, and I'm stuck. Wanted a relationship this year that didn't totally stink...got it, and I can't be happy about it."

Ellie finds a sweatshirt, her coat, and her pants, starts to get dressed.

"Ellie, we can try," says Sean, viewing her.

"I've already been through the emotional gamut with Craig, Sean," says Ellie. "This is the part where I leave, so I won't do anything I'll regret."

Sean crosses his arms, looking on as Ellie leaves the room. He flops down on the bed, the cold of the sheets touching his neck.


	27. Nobody's Perfect

**XXVII. Nobody's Perfect**

_Cool I am_

_When I am with you_

_Cool I'm not_

_When I am lonely_

_I feel so sad_

_What I did wasn't right_

_I feel so bad_

_And I must say to you_

_Sorry, but_

_Nobody's perfect_

_Nobody's perfect_

_What did you expect_

_I'm doing my best_

_I feel so sad_

_But you know I'll be true_

_I feel so bad_

_And I must say to you_

_Sorry, but_

_Nobody's perfect_

_Nobody's perfect_

_What did you expect_

_I'm doing my best_

_Nobody's perfect_

_Nobody's perfect_

_I was dishonest_

_I will do my best_

_Yeah_

_Cool I am_

_When I am with you_

_Cool I'm not_

_When I am lonely_

_Nobody's perfect_

_Nobody's perfect_

_What did you expect_

_I'm doing my best_

_Nobody's perfect_

_Nobody's perfect_

_I was dishonest_

_I will do my best_

_Yeah_

_Mmm, mmm, yeah_

_Mmm, mmm, yeah_

_Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect_

**Sleep Like A Child is the property of Joss Stone.**

Spinner's car stops in front of the apartment duplex, Manny laying her head against the cold backseat window. She peers up, sees a light coming from her family's apartment, wishes the drive had lasted longer. Emma stares back at her from the front seat.

"You alright, Manny?" asks Emma.

"Yeah...yeah, I'm tired," waves off Manny.

She picks up the garment bag with her talent outfit, then pulls her hair back in a ponytail.

Emma's lips twist, giving Manny a searching look. Manny tries her best to smile. It doesn't work.

"Spin, can you excuse us for a little bit?" says Emma.

Spinner squints his eyes. "Wait, you want me to leave my own car?"

"Please," begs Emma.

"Dude, it's like frigid out here...," groans Spinner, getting out, shutting the car door behind him.

"I'm fine, Emma," insists Manny, avoiding her friend's gaze.

"You pouted all throughout the run-through, you haven't talked at all in here except to thank Spin for the ride...something's obviously bothering you."

"You're bothering me!" exclaims Manny.

"Okay, excuse me for being concerned," shoots back Emma. "You think you would want someone to talk to the way you're acting."

She's right, thinks Manny. She's so right. During the run-through, she stood there catatonic, listening to the sounds around her, obediently doing whatever Mrs. Tellman asked of them. Meanwhile, Heather seemed more animated, not bothered at all by Manny's presence. Hazel would glance in Manny's direction occasionally, confused as to why Manny was crying in front of her hours before. That was the worst part. Manny isn't sure what she's crying over, just that it involves Toby and Heather, which was never a good mix.

"Should I tell Spin to come back in?" says Emma, folding her arms, frowning.

"No," says Manny, softly. "Em...something went down between Heather and Toby. And it had to be bad. Something about my scene."

"Oh," breathes Emma.

"What...what is it?"

"I...um...kinda convinced Toby to do it when Nate couldn't," shares Emma.

"I didn't tell you to do that!" cries Manny, shaking her head.

"Thought I was doing you a favor," defends Emma. "You seem so happy with Toby, and I didn't want you to have to quit."

I am or was happy with Toby, moans Manny inwardly. So, Toby would've done the scene after she yelled at him to stay away. Manny's head begins to throb.

"What's this about Heather?" says Emma.

"She talked to him, and was pretty sure he wouldn't do that scene, so I'm thinking I have to do major damage control, if Toby even talks to me."

"Well, he should hear your side of the story."

Manny shrugs. "If he'll believe it. Heather's a real manipulator."

"And a hater," adds Emma. "I'm sorry for talking to Toby. Too bad, because he was doing a really good job. Would've been cute to see you and him acting together."

"It's back to Nate," sighs Manny. "And yeah, actually more than disappointed that Toby won't make his debut with me. Anyways, gotta go in, so Spin can come back."

"Oh...yeah!" says Emma, apparently realizing that Spinner is still out there.

She beeps his horn, smiles through the windshield. Spinner grins, gets back inside.

"See ya later, Manny," says Spinner.

"Yeah, and thanks for this, Spinner," says Manny, exiting the car.

Spinner's car roars to life, starts down the street. Manny enters the building, slowly climbing the stairs with the garment bag and her bookbag, which held her shoes and some accessories. A few moments later, she knocks on the door, a little less anxious since that visit with her mother not too long ago. Having her mother there while she invited her father to the pageant would definitely be an advantage. Joseph Santos was more likely to listen to his wife than the daughter he saw as wayward.

Mrs. Santos opens the door for her daughter, beams. She puts an arm around her, leads her to a mannequin near the living room sofa. Manny assumes that's where the talent outfit hung formerly. She takes the outfit out of the garment bag.

"This shouldn't take long," promises Mrs. Santos. "And your father'll be here in about an hour."

"Okay. Should I put this on?" says Manny.

"Yes, so I can make any necessary adjustments," replies Mrs. Santos.

She ducks into the bathroom, takes off her coat, shirt, and pants. She slips on the blouse, which is very soft, fits her bust nicely. Her mother did an amazing job. The skirt is a tad scratchy, but stockings would rectify that problem. Too bad she can't rectify the Toby situation as easily. Should she regret kissing him? She doesn't. Should she regret taking the job? She doesn't. Toby is one of the few things this year she doesn't regret. But if Heather truly made everything worse, so much that it hurt him, well, she regrets that part.

Going outside, she sees her mother, fetching pins and needles.

"Don't worry," she says. "Won't poke you with a needle. I don't want you hurt before you walk away with the tiara."

Manny offers a restrained smile, as her mother isn't aware how much pain this pageant has already caused.

II.

"Oh my gosh, I want a BMW!" shouts Amber, flipping through an issue of _US Weekly._

"That girl doesn't know how lucky she is," complains Jennifer. "How I love _My Super Sweet Sixteen_. Oh man, I wish I was rich."

"Eww, you can see that girls' roots," says Amber.

"After that we totally have to watch _Making the Band_," says Jennifer.

Toby and Ashley exchange an annoyed look, both of them seated on the staircase of their house. Jennifer and Amber, Toby's twin cousins on his mother's side, stare happily at the television screen, stuffing popcorn into their mouths.

"Please beat me over the head with a bat if I ever sound like that," says Ashley, crossing her legs.

"I think I've lost a ton of brain cells," whispers Toby. "I thought you were going over Craig's."

"We're having a bump," explains Ashley. "Planning to hide in my room."

"And leave me with that?" says Toby, nodding his head at the twins.

"You're related so you have to suffer," says Ashley, patting him on the back. "Bye."

Ashley jogs upstairs, Toby glancing over the banister. He swears Jennifer and Amber used to be halfway interesting, before they got invisible braces and contacts.

"Toby!" yells Amber, happily, ushering for him to come down.

Oh no, I've been spotted. Toby reluctantly goes downstairs, sits on the couch with them. Why did his father make him mingle with the guests before dinner was actually served? Clara and Christian hadn't shown up, but most of his family members were in the backyard or the kitchen, aiding Jeff in the last preparations.

"Your mom said that she could get us into some modelling agency once we hit sixteen," brags Amber. "But I'm all for self-improvement. You think I should go Kate Bosworth blonde?"

"Yeah, like that's going to get you Orlando Bloom," says Jennifer, smirking.

"It will," says Amber, confidently. "Anyway, what's up with you, Toby? You got a little girlfriend?"

Last year, that question wasn't difficult at all to answer. No, he didn't, hadn't since Kendra. This year, two girls were showing interest in him, whether genuine or not. What a difference a year makes.

"Uh...no," replies Toby, blushing.

"Stop bothering him," says Jennifer. "You are so nosy."

"At least I care about what goes on with him," says Amber. "Toby, why don't you get contacts? They're so in."

"I...I don't know," says Toby. "Kinda like my glasses."

"Oh...whatever," says Amber, dismissively. "Oooh, the show's back on."

Toby clears his throat, quickly stands. The doorbell rings, and he's thankful. That's all the socialization he could take with the twins. He opens the door, wishes he let someone else answer it.

"Shalom, Toby," greets Christian.

Dressed in a wool, brown suit, and black tie, he looks the opposite of the casual biker Toby saw in the store. Hiding behind him is Clara, in a pretty, long-sleeved purple dress and matching shoes. She waves timidly at Toby, tucking a streaked strand behind her ear. Toby keeps his eyes focused on Christian, ignoring her wave.

"Hi," says Toby. "Come in. Dinner will be ready in an hour. There's drinks, though."

Christian nods. "Going to say hi to Jeff."

He goes into the kitchen, is greeted with some hearty greetings Toby can hear from there. Clara glances at the floor, then at Amber and Jennifer.

"What are they watching?" asks Clara.

"Something with a lot of girls screaming over clothes and jewelry," replies Toby.

"What? Girls scream over that kind of thing?" jokes Clara.

Toby smiles, tries hard to hide it.

"Want to get away from the screaming?" suggests Clara.

Toby sighs. Though he's still very much upset with her, if he has to hear one more vapid word out of the twins' mouths...

"Stoop?" says Toby.

Clara smiles. "Sure."

Toby and Clara leave the house, sit on the stoop after Toby grabs his coat. It's silent, and Toby recalls kissing Manny on Emma's stoop after their date, every moment remaining in his mind. Would Manny go to all that trouble if it were some lie? But why trust in Heather? Because he's had doubts before, initiated by warnings from J.T., Clara, Sully. Sully, he didn't care much about what he has to say. J.T. and Clara, they were very close to him. Then again, J.T. seemed to have warmed up to him and Manny, or is J.T. as clueless?

"I'm fully aware I was evil," says Clara, breaking into Toby's thoughts.

Toby blinks at her. The last thing he expected out of her mouth was an apology.

"But don't you see what a horrible position I'm in, Toby?" asks Clara. "I mean, how would you feel if the person you liked was kissing someone else in your uncle's store?"

"Bad," replies Toby, looking down into his lap.

"The video store...that's my escape, like a second home," says Clara.

"It's not like...we were planning it," stammers Toby.

"I know," says Clara. "Look, if she wants it, Manny can have her job back. I told Christian she quit instead of the kissing thing. He'd probably let her come back...since camp is coming up."

Toby bites his lip. He's not sure Manny would want to return, what with her telling him to bug off and Clara calling her a skank.

"The camp thing...not sure about that," informs Toby. "Haven't paid the fees, and my funds are low."

"I'd be more than happy to give you the money," says Clara.

Toby turns red. "You'd do that? After all that went down? The backroom? Why?"

Clara awkwardly plays with her hair. "Umm...because I wanted to be the girl in the backroom with you. Don't make me say stuff like that, Toby."

"Oh," says Toby, fiddling with the zipper on his coat.

As horrible a thing as Clara did to Manny, he can't help but feel just as horrible for not liking Clara the way she wants. She said she'd wait, and here she is, as steadfast as ever.

"Toby," starts Clara. "I know I'm not as exciting as Manny, or as interesting, or...um, well, experienced, but I do like you. And no offense, but I've liked you longer than her."

Toby coughs, then looks her in the eye.

"Are you and Manny a sure thing?" continues Clara. "I'll leave you alone if you are."

"It's weird," replies Toby. "We never fought when we were friends, and now...it's a different issue every day."

"Meanwhile, we're friends and are fighting," says Clara. "Go on."

"I...I don't know what to tell you...not yet," stammers Toby.

Clara provides him with a look of comfort. "Okay. Come to camp."

"What?" says Toby.

"Come to camp, clear your head when you're not computing. I won't harrass you, or bug you about this. I have faith."

"Faith?"

"Yeah, faith. That's what Hanukkah's all about. You'll figure it out."

Yes, he has so much to figure out, who and what to believe, what should happen.

Toby gives her a small smile. "I hope so."

III.

"Walking rag doll," says Manny, lifting her arm as her mother fixes the sleeve.

Mrs. Santos chuckles. "The torture will soon be over."

Manny takes a deep breath. She knows Toby's dinner had to have started by now. All that food, all that merriment, all that Clara. Too much Clara, she thinks. Here's hoping they don't talk.

"So Dad rearranged my room?" asks Manny, her mother sewing.

"Only your bed," answers Mrs. Santos. "Ah, we're done."

Manny grins, twirls around. "For the first time today, actually feel happy."

"That's not what a mother wants to hear," soothes Mrs. Santos. "What's wrong?"

"It's stuff I need to deal with, Mom," assures Manny. "My responsibility."

She goes to change, returns to the main room where they start discussing the perfect accessories to accompany the outfit. They're interrupted by the front door opening, signaling her father's arrival. Manny smooths down her hair intuitively, hoping she appears nice and proper. Her father doesn't stare at them, goes to the kitchen table, sets down his briefcase.

"Um, Joseph, Manny's here," says Mrs. Santos, grinning at her husband.

"Maria, I'm aware," replies Joseph, sharply, staring at the refrigerator.

"Hi, Dad," says Manny. "How was work?"

Joseph quietly fetches a carton of milk, gets a cup. Mrs. Santos advances to her husband, turns him around, nods to Manny, who grins nervously.

"Maria, I don't want that girl in my home," says Joseph, glaring at Manny.

Beads of sweat form on Manny's face, feeling cold all over. She thought they were making progress. Why this hostility?

"Is this...is this about her acting?" says Mrs. Santos, shyly.

"Acting should be the least of her worries," says Joseph through gritted teeth. "I want her to leave."

Mrs. Santos shakes her head, stares pathetically at her daughter. No, thinks Manny. I'm not leaving until I know what the deal is.

"Dad, why are you acting like this?" says Manny, throwing back her hair.

"The papers...," stutters Joseph. "The papers...that say you did the most terrible thing."

"Terrible thing," repeats Manny to herself.

"Under your bed, Manny!" shouts Joseph. "I found them under your bed, and you've been hiding it for two years."

"The papers," whispers Mrs. Santos. "I...I forgot."

Hiding for two years? Manny's eyes grow blurry with the realization. She was almost sure she got rid of all the paperwork. Then again, she didn't check what she transferred to her new bookbag, nor the papers that slipped under her bed. The terrible thing he couldn't speak of...he'd never forgive her.

"Dad," breathes Manny. "I...I couldn't tell you."

"Joseph, be reasonable," says Mrs. Santos.

"An after the procedure paper," says Joseph, his eyes tearing up. "This is how I find out. J.J...wouldn't have done it."

"Because it's biologically impossible!" exclaims Manny.

"Do not raise your voice at me, Manuella!" yells Joseph. "You disgrace me, my home, yourself. It's disgusting."

"I was scared...," begins Manny, sobbing.

"Joseph, it's done, okay?" says Mrs. Santos. "We can't change it."

Joseph frowns at his wife, his eyes shaking. "You knew?"

Tears stream down her mother's cheeks. I'm causing all this pain, thinks Manny. I shouldn't have come over, invited myself back into their lives.

"She's my daughter!" cries Mrs. Santos. "I can't...turn my back on her."

"She needs to leave," repeats Joseph.

Manny's shoulders shake uncontrollably, and her mother goes to her. Manny buries her head in her mother's chest.

"No!" yells Mrs. Santos, the loudest Manny's ever heard her mother. "I'm tired of not having her here. Can't bare the thought of not seeing my daughter graduate because of this long-term fighting. I miss her...and you act like you do, Joseph. You know you do."

"No, I don't," says Joseph, lowering his voice significantly. "The church teaches..."

"I know what the church teaches," interrupts Mrs. Santos. "I was Catholic before you, Joseph Santos."

"Then you know what I think of what she's done," says Joseph.

"And you know family is important," says Mrs. Santos, standing in front of him. "If it was right...if it was wrong...we love her and I want her to stay."

"Maria, I'm the breadwinner in this house and...," begins Joseph.

I've caused so much tension in one day, thinks Manny. Just imagine if I were to move back in. There'd be fights day in and day out.

"Stop it!" yells Manny, silencing her parents. "Stop it because I don't want you to fight over me."

Joseph's lips curl, Mrs. Santos sniffling.

"Dad...I know you don't like it," says Manny. "But I did it. You don't have to respect that, okay? But you can respect me, as much as J.J."

"J.J. doesn't..."

"J.J. isn't perfect," interjects Manny. "I'm not either, and you keep pointing that out to me. What do I have to do for you to see something good? You said you were proud of the job, right?"

Joseph hangs his head.

"I'm working to have this new beginning, for you two to be proud of me," sobs Manny. "I'm trying...so hard."

Mrs. Santos reaches out for her. "Manny..."

"No, Mom, it's okay," says Manny, gently knocking her hand away. "This home doesn't need me. I don't think it ever did."

Joseph stares her down with wet eyes, shifts his gaze. Manny wipes her face with her hands, opens the door, and heads down the stairwell. Going into the street, she cries, so much that it hurts to breathe. A couple minutes later, she hails down a taxi. The driver peers at her in his mirror.

"Where to, miss?" he asks.

"Um...anywhere but here."

IV.

"Pass the cheese balls," orders David, scrunching up his nose.

Five-year old David, Jeff's nephew and another cousin of Toby's, sits across from Toby. Toby is situated between Clara and his grandmother, Bubbie, who hasn't eaten a thing.

"Bubbie, you want some latkes?" offers Jeff.

"I'll tell you when I want something, Jeffy," barks Bubbie.

"Yes, ma'am," says Jeff, his face flustered. "Paul called on his cell, should be arriving any minute."

David twists in his chair, making his chair squeak.

"Too many cheese balls," groans David, grinning.

The children at the table laugh, pleased with David's mock flatulence. Jeff truly outdid himself with the food this year, Toby glancing around. A menorah shone in the back, placed on a small table behind Jeff. The candles brought out the streaks in Clara's hair as she sips some punch. No, shouldn't think of things like that, thinks Toby.

"Have some decency, David," chastises his mother.

"What's decency?" asks David.

The clattering of forks almost covers a consistent ringing of the doorbell. Toby folds his napkin, heads for the door.

"Scold Paul for me, Tobes," says Jeff.

"Yeah," says Toby.

Toby twists the knob, opens the door. Manny. She appears to be shaking, she's blurry-eyed, out of it.

"Manny, what's the matter?" asks Toby.

"I can't...I can't...say," stammers Manny. "Toby!"

She throws herself in his arms, sobbing heavily. Toby rubs her back, automatically, closing the door, shutting out the cold.

V.

Manny stares at the menorah, transfixed. She wonders what all the candles stand for. All her knowledge of Hanukkah has disappeared from her brain at this point. She also wonders why she's getting all these stares, but that's pretty easy to figure out. No one has any idea who she is, except for Christian, Clara, Jeff, and Toby. Toby sets a warm bowl of soup in front of her, smiles.

"Thanks, Toby," says Manny.

He sits beside her, which elicits a cold look from Clara in Manny's direction. The woman to her left isn't eating at all. Should she?

"Um, I like the candles," speaks up Manny, trying to break the awkwardness. "The menorah."

"You're Jewish?" asks David.

"No...my family's Catholic. They use a lot of candles too, though," answers Manny.

A few people laugh, though it's not a bad kind of laughter to Manny's relief.

"And they have beautiful churches," points out Christian. "Clara wants to go to Paris one day, see Notre Dame, don't you, Clara?"

"I don't know," says Clara, quietly.

She still obviously hates me, thinks Manny.

"What kind of grades are you getting this year, Toby?" asks David's mother.

"Um...good ones," replies Toby.

"Don't be modest, Toby," says Manny. "He's the smartest guy in the school."

Jeff beams proudly.

"I can believe that," says Christian.

"It's true," adds Clara.

Toby turns red, Manny smiling at him. She lifts her spoon, starts to eat.

"So Manny, what about you?" says David's mother. "Are you in Student Council with Toby?"

"Um, no," says Manny. "Drama club only. I want to act."

"Oh, same line of work as Toby's mom," says Jeff. "The brutal entertainment industry. TV, movies?"

"Whatever I can get," admits Manny. "But if I could be the next Lindsay Lohan, that would totally rock."

Forks hover in mid-air, and they all stare at her. Manny sets down her spoon.

"That girl is filthy," says David's mother. "Partying, drinking..."

"She rules!" protests Amber.

Manny looks over at Toby, who appears as nervous as she is. Such a stupid comment, she thinks. They were obviously very religious, conservative, and here she is, throwing out names they could find in any tabloids.

"I like that _Sex in the City _show," speaks up Bubbie, after a few minutes.

"What?" cries Jeff, nearly spitting out his soup.

"Those four women with the trashy mouths...quite funny," says Bubbie. "I particularly like Sarah Jessica Parker. She seems like a sensible girl."

"Yeah," says Manny. "She's a businesswoman too. Has her own scent and everything."

"Well, that's productive is what that is," says Bubbie. "They had this one episode about genitals. It reminded me of Jeffy's circumcision..."

Toby and Manny glance at each other, lightly laughing.

"Mom!" exclaims Jeff.

"It was a very difficult experience, Manny," starts Bubbie. "You see, Jeffy was a very sensitive child..."

Jeff lays his head on the table, lets Bubbie go on with her story. Manny listens intently, sees Toby looking at her from the corner of her eye. That's one type of staring she didn't want to stop.

VI.

Manny turns another page of the scrapbook, views a family portrait of Toby and his parents. She notices Toby has on different glasses, has to be at least eight or nine. Toby sits next to her, most of the other party guests having gone home, stuffed but entertained by Bubbie, who shared story after story. David's mother, who asked Manny to call her Helen, made it a point to exchange numbers with Manny after she heard about her job at the center. She was a teacher, too.

"Don't," warns Toby. "I'm dorky in that one."

"It's cute," says Manny. "Your family...so amazing."

Toby hesitantly glances at her. "Is it your dad?"

"Yeah, the only reason I'd be crying this much," says Manny. "Toby...he...he found out about the abortion. I've never felt so dirty."

"You're not dirty," says Toby, patting her knee. "You're classy, and funny, which everyone saw tonight."

Manny beams. "Everyone including you?"

"I've always seen it," assures Toby.

It takes all her composure not to kiss him that second, but no, wouldn't be classy. But it would be good. Whatever Heather did probably wouldn't make him return the kiss, anyway.

"Want me to drive you to Emma's?" offers Toby.

"I don't want to face anyone tonight," admits Manny. "Here, it's like I can forget."

"Then keep on forgetting," says Toby, standing. "I'll get you a blanket."

"Thanks," whispers Manny.

VII.

Toby manages to find a blanket under some folded towels in his father's bedroom. The party chatter is dimming, letting him know there weren't too many people left downstairs. He trudges down the steps, runs into Clara, buttoning her coat.

"Hi," says Clara.

"Hi," says Toby. "Um...I'm glad you could come."

Clara rolls her eyes. "Well, I was glad, but then...never mind."

She walks outside in a huff, Toby following her.

"Clara," says Toby. "Christian's inside. Where are you going?"

Clara stands in the middle of the street, starting to cry. She whirls around.

"I'm not waiting for anything, am I?" exclaims Clara, her breath showing in the frosted air. "Manny shows, and bam, I'm the outsider again. The way you look at her...Toby, it makes me feel so empty."

"I don't want you to feel empty," says Toby. "Or drink...or be anything you aren't."

"I'm in love with you, Toby," says Clara, walking slowly to him. "I do stupid things because I'm in love with you. Drink, yell at Manny. These feelings? You want me to erase that?"

Toby lets out a deep breath."Clara, I..."

"You have another option, Toby," says Clara, quietly. "One that you don't have to have any doubts about. Tell Uncle Christian I'm walking home."

"In the dark?" shouts Toby after her shrinking backside.

"What, you care?" yells Clara over her shoulder.

He retreats inside, delivers the message to Christian, who rushes outside to find her. In love with him? No girl has ever said that to him, not even Kendra. Ugh, this is all happening so fast and so strange, thinks Toby.

Manny comes into the living room from the kitchen with Jeff, who yawns. Toby hands Manny the blanket.

"I'm tuckered out," says Jeff. "And embarrassed...and feeling fat. All in all, a perfect Hanukkah dinner."

"One of the best," agrees Toby.

"It helps with our special guest," says Jeff, smiling at Manny. "Manny explained her situation, and I'd be more than happy to offer our couch. It's not a bed, but it's not lumpy."

"Consider me couched," says Manny.

"Good night," says Jeff. "And Toby, I expect you upstairs shortly, if you catch my drift."

"Dad!" moans Toby.

"You know I was going to say it," says Jeff. "See you two tomorrow."

Manny sits on the couch, tucking her feet under her. Toby takes a seat in an opposite chair, wringing his hands.

"I told your father the abbreviated version," explains Manny. "Doesn't know what the fight was about."

"I get it," says Toby.

"Toby...what did...Heather tell you?" asks Manny, moving down the couch, closer to him.

"Nothing," says Toby.

"It wasn't nothing, because you're nervous."

"It was...stupid."

Toby stands, starts unfolding the blanket. All Heather's words might very well be false, stupid, not worth the time spent thinking on them.

"Why...why'd you come here?" asks Toby.

"To feel safe," replies Manny, grabbing his hand.

Safe, the last word he wants to hear. The word Heather pounded into his head.

"Lie down," instructs Toby.

Manny scooches down, lays her head against the cushion of the couch.

"Can you turn the radio on?" asks Manny. "Emma usually has these nature tapes in the background. Waterfalls, crickets. I like noise."

"Yeah," says Toby, flipping on the stereo.

Violins fill his ears, calming, almost like a lullaby. Manny stares up at him sweetly, and he so wants to believe in her. Tonight, for that moment, he decides to.

_Tonight when the darkness comes_

_Why don't we treat it like a friend_

_Then we'll both be glad to see the night_

_And we'll be hoping_

_It's never going to end_

He lays the blanket over her body, which seems so small, delicate. He knows he can't comfort her with any more words, that they'd come out so awkward, but maybe his actions will be enough.

_So don't be afraid of what the night-time may bring_

_You must understand that you can dream of anything_

_So fall into sleep_

_Peaceful and deep_

_And may this journey help you fly_

_When you can't hold out much longer_

_Don't you cry_

_When the darkness is getting stronger_

_Sleep like a child_

_Peaceful and deep_

_And when you lay you down_

_I pray your soul to keep_

"Toby?" says Manny, pulling the blanket closer to her chest.

"Yes?" says Toby.

"I don't want you to ever stay away from me," insists Manny. "Ever."

"I won't," says Toby.

"Okay," sighs Manny.

Manny closes her eyes, as Toby settles into the chair. He watches her squirm a bit, then finally succumb to sleep.

_You're not alone_

_For I will not be denied_

_Under the darkest of skies_

_I'm gonna be by your side_

_Well I know_

_I can see it in your eyes_

_You're tired of fighting everyday_

_Trying to struggle through the night_

_Yes I know that it's hard to carry on_

_So just lay down your heard_

_And in your dreams you will be strong_

_Sleep like a child_

_Peaceful and deep_

_And when you lay you down_

_I pray your soul to keep_

_Oh like a child_

_Peaceful and deep_

He watches her breathe in and out, labored, but eventually steady. Stay away from her? Where else did he want to be? Nowhere. He promised her, said he won't leave her.

"I can't leave," whispers Toby to himself.


	28. The Look of Love

**XXVIII. The Look of Love**

_Should have left you standing right where you stood_

_Should have let you go, should have had the sense to know_

_Like a train you'd come, and I'd lose my place_

_Now I'm on this trip, I took a fall from grace_

_Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide_

_From the look of love, from the eyes of pride_

_Nowhere to go, no place to run_

_From the look of love, now I've come undone_

_I've had a map laid out from the day I was born_

_But the roads are blocked, and the paper is worn_

_And all the books I've read, and the things I know_

_Never taught me to laugh, never taught to let go_

_My conscience is clear I know right from wrong_

_That's a lie I know nothing except that you're gone_

_But there's more to learn from the look in your eyes_

_That trip round this world, the stars in the sky_

_Now all the books I've read, and the things I know_

_Never taught me to live, never taught me to let go_

_Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide_

_From the look of love, Lord knows I've tried_

_Nowhere to go, no place to run_

_From the look of love, now I've come undone_

_(Nowhere to hide)_

_(No place to run)_

_(Nowhere to hide)_

_(No place to run)_

**Peace of Me is the property of Natasha Bedingfield.**

It's eight in the morning and Ashley has been up for two hours. She had changed out of her purple, silk pajamas she obtained in London on Carnaby Street, into a fleecy green sweater, designer ankle-length skirt and boots. All of the items were picked out meticulously, and she truly did like them while her card was being swiped. Now, it's too hot, too stylish, almost garish. Sitting in front of her make-up mirror, she begins lining her eyes with mascara.

She'd cried a few times after Craig's accusation. You never want to hear you've changed, she thinks, even if it is true. Only how much of it is outward, and how much of it is inward? She's not quite sure. It was so comfortable to vascillate again in London, to turn the mirror a certain way and see someone else, pretend that was her. That's the bad part of pretending, though. It has a time limit.

Finishing up her eyes, she starts painting her nails as some of the former nail polish has chipped off. The apartment appears in her mind-- the cracked walls, the chipped paint, the cloudy windows. Then, Craig comes into the picture, his exuberant smile, his optimistic voice, and she spills the nail polish on her desk. Muttering, she starts to clean it up, flicking on her radio, making sure that it's not too loud so she won't wake up her mother and Jeff. Music would drown Craig out. Then again, music continually drew her and Craig together. No, she'd force him out of her mind, focus on today, a new day.

_Standing still but still moving_

_Lying down but not resting_

_Breathing air, suffocating_

_All the while, I'm debating_

_Life was never what I thought_

_Never what I wanted it to be_

_Had a plan, couldn't follow_

_Had a dream, it was hollow_

_Everywhere felt like nowhere_

_Everything was so boring_

_I was empty, now I'm better_

_All my peace is back together_

While cleaning, she glances up to the mirror, views her beautified face. She never used to wear this much, did she? Sure, she'd put on lip gloss and maybe some eyeshadow and plain polish, but it was seldom this noticeable. Ashley touches her face, feels the deep layer of make-up. Then, her hands go down to her fuzzy green sweater, sweat trailing down her neck underneath. She can't recall wearing anything this fuzzy since well, ever.

_Life was never what I wanted_

_Never what I thought_

_Until you came and turned it all around_

_Oh, you found the peace of me_

_It was missing; it was broken_

_You put soul into it_

_Oh, you found the whole of me_

What she does remember is being behind this same desk, looking at herself as she put on pale make-up, black eyeshadow, entering her goth phase. Her gawking classmates and their snide comments got to her certainly, but when she was invited to the luau during the last days of that year, in some way, she didn't care anymore. Craig was just so genuinely excited, and that made her excited, more than she allowed herself to show. The summer afterwards was amazing too, with them dating, like taking shopping trips to the mall, hunting for cheap prices. Listening to Craig's musical choices,she'd wanted to buy a few things she saw in the videos, try out a new style. One day, Ellie in tow, Craig tried to convince Ashley to pose for him, to test out his new camera.

"Don't waste your film on me," said Ashley, trying to hide behind a Kurt Cobain T-shirt.

"Oh, come on," encouraged Craig. "This is the perfect light. Soft, romantic..."

Craig lowered the T-shirt, took Ashley's hand.

"Nauseating," interjected Ellie.

"No comments while the photographer's at work, alright?" said Craig.

"Artists should take constructive criticism," said Ellie, smirking. "How else will you grow, Craig?"

"How about you grow some legs and give us some privacy?" groaned Craig.

"Going to the store next door to check out the Bollywood flicks," replied Ellie. "Remember, Ash. All those girls that end up in _Playboy _were convinced by charming photographers too."

Ellie and Ashley stared at Craig, nervously adjusting his neck strap.

"Hey!" protested Craig.

They both laugh, Ellie heading for the exit. Ashley resumed browsing, Craig smiling at her.

"Ashley," said Craig in a sing-song voice. "Ashley."

Ashley grinned, sighed. "One picture."

"Yes!" exclaimed Craig.

Craig positioned her against the door of the changing room, and Ashley instinctively started fooling with her hair, checking for wrinkles in a simple red shirt and jeans.

"Why are you doing that?" asked Craig, taking the cover off the lens.

"Don't want to look gross," replied Ashley, blushing.

"You could never look gross," assured Craig. "Put your hands in front."

"Okay," said Ashley.

Ashley stood straight, noticing two women near the accessories staring at her. The awkwardness of posing tripled with this discovery. Ashley bit her lip.

"You can smile, Ash," said Craig. "You know that gesture where you part your lips, show off those nice teeth of yours?"

"I...I feel weird," admitted Ashley.

"Well, you're not," insisted Craig. "You're gorgeous."

"Yeah, give him a smile, sweetie!" yelled one of the women, beaming.

Right then, she believed it. It had been Craig that took her picture for Jimmy, asked her out, always looked at her like she was something and was something he'd like to get to know better. Ashley provided the smile, big, bright, uninhibited.

"We've got smiling, ladies and gentlemen!" exclaimed Craig, taking the picture.

The picture popped out of the camera, Ashley walking over to him to check it out. There she was, natural, happy. Craig nodded approvingly.

"So going up in my locker," said Craig, kissing her forehead.

_Restless ways for a living_

_Fitting in 'cause I was driven_

_Saying yes when I meant no_

_Holding on, should've let go_

_I was scattered all around_

_Left shattered on the ground_

_You picked me up _

She's been in that memory so long she almost didn't hear the music anymore. Who is she dressing for? Herself? Do these clothes make her feel more secure, or more restless? Kate called Craig restless, but she's really the one who won't settle down, can't get a baring on who she is, spending or running away. In fact, whenever she's around Craig, she feels the most sure. Why else would she have had that airplane dream, walking down the aisle, to her future, to him? And I totally ruined it, thinks Ashley, grabbing a cotton swab to wipe away a tear.

_Oh, you found the whole of me_

_It was missing; it was broken_

_You put soul into it_

_Oh, you found the whole of me_

_I was empty, now I'm better_

_'Cause you pieced me back together _

The swab fails to stop there. Before she knows it, she's cleaning all over: the thick mascara is wiped away, the polish disappearing with remover, the lipstick giving way to nude lips. She bunches up the sweater, pulls it off. Chucking off the boots and the skirt, she throws open her closet. Long-sleeved shirts with muted colors, vintage jeans, and her old, wool black coat hang in the back. She adorns the jeans, wears a dark blue T-shirt with a heavier black sweater over it. It couldn't have cost more than twenty-eight bucks altogether. Her Converse sneakers were easy to find, as if they were waiting for her. A box Chris had given her is next to them. Putting the box on her bed, she starts taking out the clothes from Carnaby Street, the ones from Pretty Pretty, the clothes she bought when she was half herself.

II.

A weak ray of sunlight streams through the window, shining on Manny's torso. She stretches a bit, opens her eyes. In panic, she shoots up, then comes to realize where she is. Toby's house. The reason why makes her stomach ache. Her father hated her, and would probably always hate her. Glancing over, she sees Toby, sleeping soundly in a chair, and she smiles shyly.

When she stood on the doorstep, she couldn't say for sure if Toby would let her in. She, of course, hoped he would, but she wouldn't have blamed him if he turned her away, and whatever Heather said, he's still here. Ugh, and I look a mess, staring down at her bunched up blouse and pants. Being careful not to wake up Toby, she rises from the couch, goes into the bathroom near the den.

"Please have toothpaste," whispers Manny.

There is indeed toothpaste, but naturally no toothbrush.

"Just have to make do," says Manny, squirting a little onto her finger, beginning to swirl it around her mouth.

She spits it into the sink, grabs a paper towel. When she was younger, she often had to share the bathroom with her whole family, especially J.J. who lagged behind to primp his curls. He didn't let Manny have the bathroom to herself because he didn't think she needed it for anything special. Sometimes, though, Joseph forced him out, making it clear that one of the privileges of being a girl was getting extra bathroom time. Manny always liked that saying. But what he said last night, that she isn't welcome in their home, that she shamed herself, him, and her family, sliced her into pieces. She can barely face her reflection, running her hands over her hair. All that progress with him...gone, she thinks. Not physically exhausted, but very emotionally exhausted. Though it's hard to look at herself directly, Manny does for a split second, guesses she looks presentable, and heads back.

She lays down on the couch again, eyes fixed on Toby, breathing softly, a thoughtful expression on his face. She wonders what he's thinking about, hopes it's not Clara. They did seem to be on good terms when she came in last night, a turn of events that makes her sigh as her head hits the cushion. What she said to him last night came out so effortlessly. If he stayed away, she knows she'd crumble. As much as Emma and her parents would be there for her, it wouldn't be the same. Toby had been her source of emotional strength for weeks now, after Craig, after her father's voiceless phone call, cheering her on in any way possible. More than support, more than a friend, more than she expected, but maybe Manny wants it more than he does?

Shaking her head, she closes her eyes, Toby the last person she sees.

III.

A gentle shake prompts Toby to wake up. His father pats him on the shoulder one more time, nods his head towards the kitchen. Toby yawns, glances over at a snoozing Manny. She looks amazing, refreshed, like she'd been up awhile and fallen back to sleep. He grudgingly follows Jeff to the kitchen.

"Toby...," begins Jeff, getting a mug for his coffee.

"I know, I know," interrupts Toby. "She went right to sleep. Nothing happened."

"Fine," says Jeff, his brow furrowing. "So how is she getting home?"

"I'll drive her over to Emma's as soon as she's ready," says Toby.

Jeff turns on the coffee maker, sits at the table, indicates for Toby to join in him. Great, thinks Toby, rolling his eyes. Time for a lecture.

"Are you and her...attached?" asks Jeff, smiling.

"Uh...no," says Toby.

"Because I'm not too old that I didn't pick up some looks of interest being cast back and forth during dinner. Bubbie's stories aren't that entertaining."

Toby feels his cheeks burn, glances down at the table.

"There's interest," says Toby.

"And Clara?" nudges Jeff. "Is that a possibility?"

"She's said some non-platonic stuff," says Toby, not looking his father in the eye. "Like I love you."

"Oh," says Jeff, letting out a whistle. "Wow. Um...so with Manny, there's more interest on your part?"

It's almost too early to be thinking about this. A lot of things came about last night...Clara's declaration, Manny showing up, him being there for her. However, the most vivid image in his mind is watching Manny sleep through the night, so frightened, so alone. He fell asleep around three, trying to come up with some solution, something he could do. It ended with him realizing that there really wasn't anything to do but be there, and he wants to, for a long time.

"Dad...um, Dad," stammers Toby. "I think I'm in love with her."

Jeff's mouth drops, then he instantly closes it. His father knew Manny in passing, just like Emma or J.T., so yeah, maybe it was pretty surprising.

"Like matchable to Kendra?" asks Jeff.

"More serious than Kendra," says Toby. "I can't stop thinking about her, and it hurts when she's gone, and...I can't believe I'm saying this."

Jeff chuckles. "A lot of guys react that way. You should've heard the dribble I said when I first started dating Kate."

"Yeah, I did hear it," says Toby, scrunching up his face.

"Hey!" protests Jeff. "But Toby, when Manny called Emma last night, she sounded really distraught, a little shaken. Something big is going on, isn't it?"

Yeah, but I'm not telling you, thinks Toby.

"Do you think a serious relationship is what Manny needs right now?" continues Jeff. "Things are hanging over her head she needs to deal with. She needs some comfort..."

"I don't want to be just her comfort," interjects Toby.

"It's not about what you want, Toby," says Jeff. "It's about what Manny needs. Truly, what do you think that is?"

Toby slumps in his chair, takes a deep breath. "A friend."

"Yep, I think you're right," says Jeff. "The time'll come."

"She's not going to wait," says Toby, sighing. "She'll be gone."

"You don't know that," argues Jeff. "You don't."

"Yeah, I do," says Toby, standing.

Be her friend? True, it does make sense, but he's not Craig. Manny kept waiting and waiting for him to come around because of her strong feelings for him, and Heather's words kept replaying in his mind too. With Clara, he could tell. With Manny, he'd be guessing.

Going back to where Manny lay, he hears footsteps coming down the stairs. Ashley, dressed in the most casual outfit he's seen her in since arriving back in Toronto, appears, carrying a pretty full box.

"Wow, look at you," whispers Toby.

"Is it bad?" asks Ashley.

"No...it's nice," praises Toby.

"Thanks," says Ashley, grinning.

She sets down the box, heads to the living room.

"Going to get my coat," says Ashley.

"Um...wait," says Toby, trying his best to block Manny out of Ashley's view, but not succeeding.

Ashley gives him an incredulous look. "What's she doing here?"

"Resting," whispers Toby. "Keep your voice down."

"Do Mom and Jeff know?"

"Dad does. She and her father had this big fight so..."

"Not surprised," says Ashley, raising her eyebrows.

"Ash...she's really broken up over it, okay?" defends Toby. "Her dad found out about what happened two years ago."

"Ouch," says Ashley, folding her arms. "That's...not good."

"No, it's bad. Totally bad."

"Well, I'm not talking to her, but...does she need anything?"

Toby thinks for a bit. "Fresh change of clothes."

Ashley nods, heads over to the box, retrieves a white sweater, belt, and black slacks.

"She's tiny, but they're fresh," says Ashley, handing them to Toby.

"Thanks, Ash," says Toby.

"Whatever," replies Ashley. "Going to Degrassi. Friendship Club is taking donations, so..."

"You do look a lot better, Ash," compliments Toby. "No offense."

"Not offended at all," says Ashley, smiling, and heading for the door.

The door shuts behind her, and Toby goes back in. Apparently, Ashley's exit woke Manny up. Manny rubs her eyes, stands.

"Morning," greets Toby. "How was the couch?"

"Good," answers Manny. "I can sleep anywhere."

"Not me," says Toby. "My back hurts a little."

"From the chair?" says Manny, grinning. "Awww."

"It's fine," waves off Toby.

Manny walks over to him, gets behind him, starts to massage his back.

"This make it any better?" she whispers in his ear.

I'm definitely enjoying it, thinks Toby. Her fingers were gentle and her breath, surprisingly minty for just having gotten up. No, this has to stop. Manny needed to focus on herself and her family.

Toby takes her hands off him grudgingly, Manny's shoulders slouching with disappointment.

"Here's a change of clothes," says Toby, handing her the outfit. "Ashley is giving stuff away so..."

"Thanks," says Manny, obviously confused.

"So I'll get ready and drive you to Emma's," offers Toby.

"Um...," starts Manny.

"What's wrong?" asks Toby.

"I kinda have to work at the center in like twenty minutes," confesses Manny. "Sorry."

I could rush, or just go in these clothes, thinks Toby, glancing down at his Hanukkah dinner outfit.

"Not a problem," says Toby.

"Alright, I'll just change here then," says Manny.

"What?" exclaims Toby. "There's a bathroom over..."

"Your dad's in there," explains Manny. "Can you turn around?"

Toby runs a hand through his hair. "Okay."

Manny turns her back to him, and Toby faces the other way. Her hears some fidgeting, a zipper. Can't look, he thinks. Can't look. It was fairly easy when they were in the hotel room, but a lot had transpired since then, including him growing more attracted to her, as if that were possible. He turns his head slightly, then immediately snaps it back.

"I saw that," says Manny, softly, making him face her.

"What?" says Toby.

"You almost peeked," says Manny, laughing.

"I don't...I mean, I didn't," assures Toby.

"No, you didn't," says Manny, hugging him.

His heart beats quickly, his thoughts blank. Manny lets him go.

"I'm drowning in these clothes," says Manny, tugging at the shirt. "A penguin."

The white shirt is indeed huge, hanging down to her knees, and the belt barely held up the black pants she wore.

"They're okay," says Toby, smiling. "Let's get going."

"Thanks so much for this, Toby," says Manny, staring warmly at him.

Toby shrugs, grabs his car keys. "You're my friend. No worries."

Manny's face falls, and he's not clear what that means. He didn't like that it made her sad, though.

"Let's go," says Manny, brushing past him.

IV.

Ellie sneezes, gets another tissue. Marco hovers over her bed, puts a warm cloth over her face.

"Marco, I'm not dying!" exclaims Ellie, removing the cloth.

"You've got sniffles," says Marco, putting a hand on her forehead.

Ellie moans, coughs. What was she thinking walking home with her coat unfastened in the middle of the night, the chill piercing her neck exposed because of the nightgown? She was just so disappointed, not in Sean, but in herself. I should've gone through with it, thinks Ellie.

"Sick during the holidays," says Marco.

"It's a three day bug...be better by Christmas," assures Ellie.

Marco's cellphone rings, and he gives her a knowing look.

"Don't answer it," commands Ellie.

He glances at the number. "Oh, look, it's Sean."

Ellie shakes her head, pulls the blanket close to her chin. The phone stops ringing, and Marco starts going through different messages.

"Let's see. Sean...Sean...oh, it's Sean again," says Marco. "Ellie, thanks for turning your phone off. I'm getting the most calls from a guy since Dylan."

"Probably got your number from Alex," reasons Ellie, twisting her lips.

"It's bordering on annoying. I like Sean and everything, but..."

"Like you don't like it," says Ellie, struggling to get up. "I know you've always had a thing for Sean."

"Makes two of us," says Marco, setting her down back on the bed. "Why don't you call him? You left him alone in lonely little Tahiti."

"Tahiti," breathes Ellie, sadly.

"We made punch. Good punch," says Marco, settling next to her.

"He liked the punch," says Ellie, pathetically. "Leave me alone. I'm mucas-y."

"Mucas doesn't impair speech," points out Marco. "I'll dial, you talk."

"No...no," says Ellie, sneezing into her tissue. "Not sure what to say to him."

That's true. For the past two days, she had come up with nothing.Yes, part of her wanted her mother to find out, be upset about it, revenge for all the embarassment Mrs. Nash put her through. But she honestly didn't want to use Sean in the process, wanted to be with him. And what Sean said about proving something to herself, the need to know that she and Sean were permanent, that was a little right...alright, very right. Sean was so annoying when he was right, and so sweet when he said it'd be okay, and felt so amazing when he kissed her on the bed...

"I'm so stupid!" shouts Ellie, startling Marco.

"For going out in your nightgown, yeah," says Mrs. Nash, smiling as she enters the room. "You're relieved, Marco."

"Oh, hi Mrs. Nash," says Marco. "I'll call later, Ellie. Turn on your phone."

Ellie nods, watches Marco leave. Mrs. Nash sets down a bowl of soup and a glass of orange juice on her daughter's nightstand.

"Still can't believe you went outside to shoo that dog away and got locked out," says Mrs. Nash. "Ellie, you know the backdoor sticks."

That excuse sounds so lame when her mother says, sounded even more lame when Ellie came up with it and told it to her last night. Truth is she forgot her house key at Sean's, and truth is, the nightgown was for him.

"Yeah," says Ellie, taking a gulp of orange juice.

"So I...invited Jimmy over for Christmas," says Mrs. Nash, practically flopping down on Ellie's bed.

"No," whispers Ellie.

"Yes!" cries Mrs. Nash. "He's so polite and cultured too. He turned me down in a nice way. Going to California with his folks."

I may be sick, but I am not letting that slide, thinks Ellie, groggily getting out of bed. She stumbles to the closet, her head aching.

"Ellie, you're sick," says Mrs. Nash. "What are you..."

"I can't take this anymore," says Ellie, sliding on a sweatshirt. "It's Craig...or Jimmy...or anyone but Sean."

"And for good reason," says Mrs. Nash. "Ellie, he wants one thing."

"No, he doesn't!" shouts Ellie. "You're so judgmental, won't give him a chance. I so wish Dad was here instead of you."

"He had his chance!" exclaims Mrs. Nash. "And he hurt you. I want to protect you."

Ellie looks at her mother, as compassionate a look as she can muster. She does appreciate that her mother cares, but not if it's damaging something that means a lot to her.

"You want to protect me?" says Ellie. "Your protection is hurting me."

Mrs. Nash frowns, her lips trembling.

She grabs her bookbag, a few tissues, and walks outside her bedroom, her eyes tearing as she hears her mother sob.

V.

Toby parks his car in the community center parking lot, then shuts the car off. Manny twiddles her fingers, stares out the window. She had been silent the whole drive, not looking at him. If she's wondering about her father, he wishes he could make her think of something else, anything else.

"You won't be too late," says Toby, glancing at her.

Manny gives him a painful smile. "I'm not worried about that."

"You seem worried for some reason," says Toby.

"I'm worried Heather poisoned you against me."

Toby looks away from her. Manny takes his hand in hers.

"Toby, if you don't believe in me, then that kinda kills me," says Manny. "You always trusted me before, even about the Nate thing."

He wants to tell her that the trust isn't shaken, but he can't. Doubts drum his brain.

"Manny...," begins Toby, staring into her eyes.

"What?" says Manny.

The doubts are sticking as much as he tries to push them out, that and his dad's advice, advice that isn't so far-fetched as he sees the sadness in her gaze.

"I love...," starts Toby.

Manny beams.

"Being your friend," finishes Toby. "A lot. So much."

Manny wraps her arms around herself, shaking her head.

"It's Clara," she says. "Last night...you guys got closer."

"No, I..."

"She's who you want to date. I'm too much trouble," sobs Manny.

Toby scoots over, puts an arm around her. Manny lightly shoves him away.

"It's why you shrink back when I touch you," whispers Manny. "Why you invited her to dinner."

"You don't think I care about you?" says Toby. "Why am I here then?"

Manny smiles through her tears, starts to laugh. Toby offers her a puzzled look.

"I said that to you in the video store," says Manny, squeezing his hand.

Toby smiles back.

"I don't want to rush this," says Toby. "You have a lot on your plate."

"It feels like it's been a long time."

"Because there's a lot happening at once. I'm so confused, Manny," he says. "So much to think about."

Manny reaches for him, her mouth inches from his.

"No, Manny," he says, holding her back a bit.

"Yes, Toby," she says, then starting to kiss him.

Toby lets his arms fall to his side, gently holds her neck.Their mouths move furiously, Manny laying a hand on his chest. He feels light-headed, his mind finally empty. He'd followed his heart before, but look where it lead him? Heartbroken. Manny stops, Toby catching his breath.

"You sure you want to only be friends?" asks Manny, grinning as she touches his lips.

"I'm not exactly thinking clearly right now," says Toby, blushing.

"Good," says Manny, propping open the car door. "You can think about that kiss, and get back to me."

She gets her things from the backseat, waves at Toby before jogging into the center. He lets his head drop to the steering wheel, sighing.


	29. Your Honesty

_**XXIX. Your Honesty**_

**Author's Note: Hey all! I don't usually stop in the middle of fanfics, but this one's going on hiatus as I'm prepping a J.T.-focused fic (been planning it since December). It's not a particularly long fic (well, not as long as this one), but I do want to d****o it since J.T. is my favorite character (why else would I throw him in an all-girl pageant... :P) and he met a very sad end. But I made this chapter pretty long, and "Cherish" will be updated in the not so distant future. When it comes back, Heather and M****anny will be best friends, braiding each other's hair, and Craig will be in a love triangle with Amber and Jennifer. Or uhhh, it'll be more of the same. ;) Thanks for the reviews.**

_It's your honesty_

_With you I have no choice_

_When you talk to me_

_I could make love to your voice_

_It's the things I see_

_When I look into your eyes_

_It's your honesty_

_Pulling me closer to you baby_

_You know you drive me crazy_

_You are one of a kind_

_And I want you to be mine_

_All mine_

_Pulling me closer to you_

_You have a special quality_

_You're bringing out the best in me_

_You have a special quality_

_You are pulling me closer to you_

_You know it just gets better_

_This is the way it should be_

_You know the truth will set you free_

_So free_

_Pulling me closer to you_

_You have a special quality_

_You're bringing out the best in me_

_You have a special quality_

_You are pulling me closer to you_

_Keep in touch, body to body_

_Embrasse-moi mon amour_

_Pour ce soir, toujours_

_Keep in touch, body to body_

_Dis-moi la vérité_

_Oui je sais toujours_

_You have a special quality_

_You're bringing out the very best in me_

_You have a special quality_

_You are pulling me closer to you_

_Honesty_

_It's your honesty_

_It's your honesty_

"Why are your pants so big today?" questions Alyssa, skipping along as Manny makes her way to the storage closet.

"Trying out a new look," replies Manny, hating that she couldn't tell Alyssa about the events of last night.

It was hard enough telling Emma last night. After another phone call to Emma, Spike came over and dropped off some clean underwear and a new shirt for her, but had trouble locating a clean pair of pants for her. Manny shrugs. It's only for a couple more hours, and it was sweet of Toby to provide them.

"I'm going to wear big pants tomorrow then," says Alyssa, smiling up at Manny. "For movie day, if the DVD player works."

Manny laughs. "Not too big, I hope."

"Are you nervous about the pageant?"

The pageant? Ugh, the pageant. Between her father and Toby, walking down the runway with a sash and being interviewed seems so trivial. Still, it's too late to pull out now, and she doesn't want to. Everything was coming together. J.T. phoned her, told her the evening gown was fixed and hanging up backstage. Snake bought a new camcorder for the "big night", as he called it. Alyssa and her mother were attending. Maybe it's a welcome distraction, she thinks.

"I'm nervous, but nerves are good for you sometimes," says Manny. "I'm glad you're coming."

"Me too," says Alyssa. "And I'm glad Toby came to our class. Do you think he's going to show up again?"

Alyssa wasn't the only one that asked about Toby since his visit. Ryan, Henry, and Taylor kept drawing, presenting them to Manny in hopes that she'd convince Toby to return so he could see their progress. They were getting a lot better. Beth would also drop hints about replacing movie day with a guest speaker, and since Toby was their only guest speaker, Manny took that for what it was. She always has to say the same thing: he's busy.

"He's busy, but maybe later," says Manny, keeping her eyes on the door as she puts the key into the lock.

Alyssa sighs. "Toby's so cool."

Manny hears someone snicker to their right, rolls her eyes as Heather walks down the hall.

"What?" snaps Manny.

"Did I hear cool and Isaacs mentioned in the same sentence?" says Heather. "You've seriously warped your kids' minds, Manny."

"Why are you here?" groans Manny, opening the door.

"Clogging practice," says Heather. "Need I remind you that dress rehearsal is tomorrow? True winners show commitment. I mean, I have to give it up to Aden. Saw her dancing earlier today. But you, Manny? You're only committed to screwing up royally."

"You're mean!" exclaims Alyssa. "And you talk too much."

"Pipe down, Thumbelina," says Heather. "The big girls are talking."

"Your hair looks fake!" says Alyssa.

"They're extensions!" defends Heather.

Manny folds her arms, looks down at Alyssa.

"Alyssa, head back to the classroom alright?" says Manny. "I'll be there in a sec."

"Fine," sighs Alyssa.

They both watch Alyssa disappear around the corner, then Manny throws a cold look Heather's way and goes inside the closet. She can feel Heather staring at her back.

"If you detest me so much, why do you find different ways to associate with..excuse me, annoy me?" says Manny, plugging in the DVD player.

"I don't want to see Toby hurt," says Heather, smirking.

"Yeah, right," mutters Manny. "I'm working so..."

I hope this DVD player works so I can get out of here fast, thinks Manny. Please work. She pops in a disc, and sadly, the screen shows static. Might as well leave a note for the electrician for Monday. Grabbing a piece of paper and a bit of tape, she scrawls down in black pen: _Sorry, we can't make this work. Manny. _She tapes it to the top of the DVD player.

"Working like...on the street?" laughs Heather.

Manny swallows a lump in her throat. I won't let her get to me, she thinks. I won't.

"I said...on the street, Santos?" repeats Heather. "Or Slutos?"

That's it. It was one thing to hear the word slut from her dad, but this girl? Manny throws down the plug, puts her hands on her hips.

"You can try and psych me out, but nope, people that know me think differently and that's why I'm staying," says Manny. "I am not a slut."

"Well, Toby apparently thinks the same," shoots back Heather.

Manny feels like her insides are being crushed. She rubs her forehead, which is heating up.

"What?" she whispers.

"You wanted to know what we talked about?" says Heather, twirling a necklace around her neck.

Manny glances at the floor, then back at Heather.

"He said that there's someone else, someone who's not a ditzy little attention whore who sleeps around," says Heather, shrugging. "Let's see. She was on that ski trip..."

"Clara?" speaks up Manny, biting her lip.

"Umm...I think she..."

"She works in the video store with him?"

"Yeah, that must be her!" says Heather, smiling. "Clara. You may have noticed he's been...I don't know, distant lately?"

"A little," confesses Manny, quietly.

"He's a nice guy, but I told him that he can't be with you out of pity. I mean, after Craig and all your other problems, he's afraid you'll crack if he left. Me, I could care less."

Manny faces the other wall, trying to make sense of it all. He didn't like Clara, couldn't like her...unless something did go on last night. She hears some shuffling, turns to view Heather stuffing something into her purse.

"What are you doing?" asks Manny.

Heather darts her eyes. "Nothing. Wow...get a grip, Manny. Honestly, you look as rigid as your pal Emma right now. Did my little revelation get under your skin?"

Manny stares her down. Heather lowers her gaze, obviously squeamish. I'm totally calling her bluff, thinks Manny.

"You're lying," says Manny, grinning. "I know it. You're cold-hearted and selfish, and you are not damaging the one good thing I have left."

She pushes Heather out of the closet, listening to her squeal, shuts the door and locks it.

"My hair," complains Heather. "Your pushing got it all messy."

"Well, you pushing your nose into everything got my life all messy," retorts Manny, heading down the hall. "One more thing, I may not win this thing, but I'll always have be more decent than you."

Manny walks down the hall, a smile crossing her face. She hears Heather stamp her foot, and smiles more.

II.

"You know what I'm most afraid of?" says Darcy, folding a scarf and putting into a box. "Sabotage."

"Sabotage?" says Ellie, holding up her tape recorder.

Darcy nods. "Yeah, like I heard on one of those biography things, that contestants totally do mean things to ruin another contestant's chances of winning. Like this girl...she put this chemical in this other girls' Vaseline and she went up onstage hours later with like her teeth all rotten."

"No way!" cries Mary, writing down something on the Friendship Club donation list.

"For sure way," insists Darcy. "That's why I'm keeping my eyes open. They go after the nice girls first."

Ellie sniffles, lifts an eyebrow. Leave it to Darcy to be afraid of laced Vaseline. That said, the dark side of pageantry might pump up the last page for the edition. Thank goodness it was almost done, and since she refused to go back home, this would be an opportune time to get going. She'd have to find some more legitimate quotes, though. Leave them with a little darkness,thinks Ellie, smiling at the thought.

"Thanks, Darcy," says Ellie.

"Is this where you drop off donations?" says a voice behind her.

Ashley sees Ellie, pretends not to, and sets the box on the table. Mary gasps.

"Wow, Ashley," says Mary. "You're really in the giving spirit."

"It's almost Christmas," shrugs Ashley.

"I saw this on StyleWatch," gushes Darcy, holding up a cashmere sweater.

"Put it down, Darce," scolds Mary.

Darcy lays it back in the box.

"Thank you, Ashley," says Darcy, glancing forlornly at the sweater. "I'm sure you'll make a lot of people at the battered women's shelter happy. They're having a little shindig Christmas Eve, if you want to come. Me and Mary are going."

"Um...maybe," replies Ashley. "I have to go, so bye."

Ellie clicks off her tape recorder, stares after Ashley as she makes her way to the exit. She's so eager to get away from me, she sighs inwardly. And it's really for nothing, since her Craig crush has evaporated. Ellie shoulders her bag, trails Ashley.

"Wait, Ashley!" yells Ellie, then coughing.

"What?" snaps Ashley.

Ellie continues to cough, so much that she drops her bookbag on the floor. Ashley frowns, picks it up, helps Ellie to a row of lockers near the snack shop. Ellie fans herself.

"You okay?" asks Ashley. "You don't look good."

"My head goes from warm to tropic. My throat feels like a furnace. Dripping mucus...gurgly stomach...two other addendums to being sick," groans Ellie. "But it's way better than hearing my mom hook me up with Jimmy."

Ashley giggles. "She did not."

"Yeah," says Ellie, producing a small laugh. "She invited him over for Christmas."

"My mom loves Jimmy too," says Ashley, shaking her head.

"How about we fight over Jimmy and make both our moms happy?" says Ellie, sliding down one of the locker onto the floor.

Ashley pretends to shoot herself in the head. The cool metal of the locker feels great against her hot neck.

"Hey, you have the advantage here," reminds Ellie. "I'm down for the count."

Ashley smiles. "I don't know. Not sure I'd put enough energy into that one."

Ellie smirks. It's nice talking to her without all the eye rolling and unspoken hostility. Why not see if we can patch this up, hopes Ellie.

"We're putting all our energy into ignoring what went on with Craig," says Ellie, tentatively. "The curly-haired elephant in the room."

"Craig's more like a giraffe," says Ashley, sitting on the floor with her. "Gentle, tall..."

"Walks around like he doesn't have a clue," chimes in Ellie.

Ashley hits her on the knee, Ellie laughing.

"That's no way to talk about your crush," says Ashley.

"Craig stopped being a crush awhile ago, Ash," says Ellie, pointedly.

Ashley fidgets with her pants, old ones Ellie thinks she's seen before. In fact, she remembers the coat and top too.

"You know I...get resentful sometimes," says Ashley. "Sorry."

"It's...it's fine," replies Ellie. "I didn't like you buddying up with Sean, before I realized it was only friendship so...let's squash it?"

"Squash it," says Ashley, shaking Ellie's hand.

"Now you're infected," jokes Ellie.

"Thanks a lot, El," groans Ashley. "How'd you get infected, anyway?"

"Plans with Sean went awry," answers Ellie. "I was basically planning on sleeping with him, hoping my mom would find out, the stupidest idea ever. I ran out of there in pants, my nightgown, and my coat undone."

Ellie looks over at Ashley, hoping her reaction will be pretty understanding. It usually was.

"You're not alone. Craig and I were planning to live together, and that's no dice either," says Ashley.

"I wanted a happy year. Boyfriend, school..."

"Me too. Our plans...totally messed up."

Ellie and Ashley grin at each other. Being sick and not being with Sean stunk, but hey, at least it was helping them reconnect. Ellie groans, smoothing back her sweaty hair.

"Okay, you're taking some pills," says Ashley, opening up her purse. "Whenever I went on those loud musical excursions for the internship, always carried Tylenol."

Ashley opens a bottle, lets two fall into Ellie's hand.

"And you're on cough syrup?" questions Ashley.

Ellie nods.

"Good," says Ashley, helping Ellie to her feet. "And no more newspaper work today."

"But...," begins Ellie.

"Go home," instructs Ashley. "You'll do the paper later."

"I left my house key at Sean's, don't want to face my mom," says Ellie.

"Then I'm calling Sean so you can get it," says Ashley.

"The old worrying Ash is back, huh?" says Ellie. "Style rewind and all."

"Yeah, well less worrying, more walking if I can help it," says Ashley, putting an arm around her best friend as they move forward.

III.

"How many times do I have to tell you no?" exclaims Toby, pounding the desk.

Danny pounds the desk too, frowning. Derek mimics him, whispers "owww."

"I want an application, man!" shouts Danny. "There's a Help Wanted sign hanging there."

"Yeah, we deserve a chance," adds Derek.

Toby glances at the Help Wanted sign in the front store window. The wreath Manny convinced Christian to put up hangs right over it. He was sort of hoping that he could field off any requests in case Manny did come back, and it's not like either of them had the best reason for wanting to work there.

"You want to work here because?" says Toby, lowering her voice.

"Obviously, there's some reason hot girls find video store employees attractive," says Danny, smiling. "You're my new hero, Toby. Landing Manny."

"I just want to work with Manny," says Derek, gleefully.

"Shut up!" whispers Danny, urgently, glaring at Derek.

"She left," informs Toby. "Not too long ago."

"Forget this then," says Derek, scrunching up his nose. "I'm going to play some hoops."

Derek strolls out, popping his collar. One down, one to go, thinks Toby. To his surprise, Danny remains.

"She doesn't work here anymore," says Toby, rolling his eyes.

"I'm serious about this," says Danny. "Hand me one of those forms."

Toby shakes his head, hands over an application, points Danny to a chair by the window.

"I don't have any work experience," says Danny, sitting down. "Or people skills. Is that a problem?"

"Uh...yeah," says Toby, fetching the keys as closing time nears.

"That bites," mutters Danny, starting to read.

He's relieved Danny's quiet for now, starting to shut off the computer. J.T. enters the store, gives Danny a puzzled look, then advances to the counter.

"Your ride's here," announces J.T.

"Yeah, we'll leave, as soon as Clara shows up to close," says Toby.

"How'd that go, with Clara at dinner?" prods J.T.

"Weird," says Toby.

"Um, translation, Tobes?"

Toby peers over at Danny, who's still reading. He indicates for J.T. to come closer.

"She said I love you to me," whispers Toby.

"Whoa, really?" whispers J.T. "Does she know you and Manny are...are...well, whatever you guys are?"

"Yeah," replies Toby. "And Manny showed. Her father found out about Manny's decision a couple years ago."

"Yikes! Is she okay?"

"She's strong, but I don't know. She was pretty out of it at one point."

J.T. joins Toby behind the counter, whistling as if nothing's going on.

"She had to be grateful to you. I mean, she went to you for a reason."

Yeah, just like Danny's lame reason for applying, thinks Toby.

"Because I'm safe," says Toby. "I'm Manny's safety guy. The salt."

"Well, Manny must want a lot of salt in her diet because she seems pretty into you," says J.T.

Or is it like Heather said? Toby glances over at Danny, then back at J.T.

"What if it's not like I think?" says Toby. "We're having a lot of trouble from the get-go."

"Oh yeah, drama in Degrassi relationships never happens," says J.T., sarcastically. "Paige didn't crash Spinner's car. Ashley didn't slap Craig in front of a bunch of people. And yeah, I didn't get my girlfriend pregnant."

"Yeah, but Kendra and I...," begins Toby.

"Kendra and you were puppy love," interjects J.T. "You talked about chess, you drooled over her, yada yada yada. You and Manny...potential meaningful relationship if she's sleeping over."

"It wasn't like that!"

"Toby, I know...look, just, you've only had one relationship."

Toby sighs. J.T. is right. Hadn't he told his dad exactly that, that he felt more mature feelings for Manny?

Just then, Toby spies Clara outside, struggling to put her earmuffs into her coat pocket. She looked so sweet and she revealed so much to him. It isn't fair. She'd been waiting so long for him.

"What are you going to do about her?" whispers J.T.

"I kinda suggested that Manny and I be friends," says Toby, still staring at Clara.

"Toby, I want to smack you so hard right now," says J.T. "You better not be thinking what I think you're thinking."

"I feel bad for Clara."

"Pity relationships don't work out. Me and Paige? Me and Manny? Me and...man, thank God I found Liberty. I sound pathetic."

Clara finally manages to get the earmuffs in, starts unfurling her scarf.

"Don't want to hurt her," says Toby.

"It'll hurt more once she realizes you really want Manny," advises J.T. "I'll block her and you call Manny and tell her you want to see her tonight."

"And say what?"

"Three little words you find in most of these stupid romantic comedies."

"My dad said it'd be better to wait for a relationship...since she's having a tough time."

J.T. nods. "But she should at least know, right? The relationship can wait. You want the girl or not? Because I'm sure Danny would be more than happy..."

"Okay," interrupts Toby, heading for the backroom.

Clara comes in, and Toby can hear J.T. stalling her as best he can.

"You can't be back there," scolds Clara.

"I'm...uh, applying for the job," lies J.T. "I need the cash."

"That's not all you need," laughs Danny.

Toby blows out a deep breath, punches in Manny's number on his cell. She has to be off work at this time of the day.

"Hello?" says Manny after the third ring.

"Hi...Manny?" says Toby, pacing the floor.

"Hi," replies Manny.

"This is Toby," he says.

"Yeah," says Manny, laughing. "I know your voice by now."

"Oh," replies Toby, probably sounding too pleased. "Um, can you...meet me tonight outside the store? Maybe at eight-thirty?"

"What would we be meeting for?"

I haven't really thought of how to get her here, thinks Toby. If Heather was right about her using him, then she may not show up anyways.

"Uh...well, you kissed me, and told me to think about it...," starts Toby.

"I'd be getting a response?" says Manny.

"Yeah...yeah, you'd be getting one," assures Toby.

"Then I'm definitely going to show up," says Manny, cheerfully. "Bye, Toby."

She clicks off, Toby grinning.

"You finished in here?" asks Clara, peeping her head in.

"Finished," says Toby. "Um...how about I stay and lock up?"

IV.

Pulling his car in front of his apartment building, Sean's not sure why, but he left all the things up. The posters of the beaches, the blown out candles, the stockings. He'd never let Jay know, but he thought the stockings were pretty cool. S and E. It reminds him of when they were living together, when their things were side by side. His deodorant, her body wash. His tennis shoes, her boots. His weights, her textbook. Then, Bueller, of course, was both of theirs, running around the apartment like it was only his. Maybe he left it up because Tahiti was theirs, no matter how much it failed.

He'd gotten a text from Ash, about Ellie stopping by, and drove straight from work. His shirt is covered in oil, and his pants are worse, but he can't wait to see her. He gets out of the car, starts up the stairwell. It turns out he doesn't have far to go. Ellie sits on a step, resting her head against the banister, eyes shut.

"El," says Sean, shaking her lightly.

Her eyes flutter open, and Sean smiles. Ellie smiles back, then sneezes into a tissue.

"Wow," says Sean, inching back.

"I just convinced Ashley to leave," says Ellie. "Get away from me. Just hand me the house key, and I'll split so you'll have a germ-free stairwell."

"I never spend enough time in the stairwell," says Sean, smiling and sitting.

Ellie smiles shyly. "Yeah?"

"Yep. It's nice here."

"Your landlord's nice," says Ellie. "Ray? Offered me some chicken soup."

"I can't match soup, but I've got crackers," says Sean.

"I like crackers," says Ellie.

"Do you like...I don't know, guys in greasy clothes?"

Ellie holds up her hands. "One, but I don't think he should talk to me. I botched Tahiti for him."

"You didn't botch anything," says Sean, holding her hand.

"And you were right...about everything," says Ellie. "About my reasons for sleeping with you. I'm sorry. You can go ahead and gloat."

"I'll gloat when you're healthy," jokes Sean, putting an arm around her.

"I said mean stuff to my mom, saying I wish Dad was here," admits Ellie. "Made her cry."

"The good thing about mean stuff with parents is you can take it back," comforts Sean.

Ellie lets her head fall onto his shoulder, similar to when she was crying over not being able to go through with it. Only this time, thinks Sean, she's relaxed and it's great.

"Why'd you call Marco so many times?" she says, smirking.

"Why'd you turn your phone off?" he counters.

"Why are you arguing when I'm sick?"

"Why aren't you resting?"

Ellie smacks his knee hard.

"Oww!" says Sean, laughing.

"Do not argue with a journalist, Sean," says Ellie, smiling. "You know I'm always going to win."

"You win crackers," says Sean, helping her up.

"Yay," says Ellie, softly coughing, holding onto him.

V.

"For ambience," says J.T., grandly, striking a match.

Toby smooths down the tablecloth, moves one chair to the left.

"Okay, you cannot move that chair any more places, Toby," says J.T., lighting the candle.

"It still doesn't look right," says Toby, shaking his head.

"It is!" exclaims J.T. "Look, pretend I'm Manny."

J.T. sits at the table, smiles happily, winks at Toby.

"Ugh, get up," groans Toby. "Are you sure this isn't over the top?"

They both glance around the video store, where they lugged a table up front, after J.T. disappeared to retrieve two scented candles, a pink tablecloth, and a bouquet of roses from the convenience store.

"This is for an actress, Toby," says J.T. "You can't be over the top with them, trust me. It screams Manny."

"How'd you say the three words to Liberty?" asks Toby. "Was it like this?"

"Psh, no," says J.T. "I said it the closing night of Dracula. She thought I was joking at first, and slapped me upside the head. Then again, that's very us."

Toby laughs, turning off the lights.

"But this...this es muy romantico," says J.T., giving Toby the thumbs up. "And many thanks to me, of course. Bribing Danny with arcade money to leave, sneaking in after Clara left..."

"Yeah, thanks," says Toby. "Can't believe I'm doing this."

"Well, I take my leave," sighs J.T. "Tell me all the details, unless it gets real mushy. And don't blurt it out...or like pretend to cough and say it. Enunciate. Actor tip numero uno."

"Umm...right," says Toby.

The door tinkles, Toby straightening his shirt. J.T. smiles at him. Heather walks in, beaming.

"Store's closed," says Toby, coldly.

"What, are you two having a romantic interlude?" says Heather. "I want to rent _Drop Dead Gorgeous."_

"Something you wish you were," says J.T.

"Two words. Penis enhancer," shoots back Heather.

"We're closed, okay?" says Toby.

"Is this for Manny?" asks Heather. "Or Clara? Or some other random girl that's surprisingly attracted to you?"

"What if it is for Manny?" says J.T. "You jealous?"

"No...I, um, have a note for you from her," announces Heather. "About tonight."

"Yeah, right!" exclaims J.T. "Look, I'll get your freakin' movie. Just leave."

"Never mind the movie," says Heather, taking a piece of paper out of her purse. "This is crucial. Here, Toby."

Toby walks over to Heather, snatches it from her.

"Oooh, so grabby," says Heather, smiling.

Toby opens it, reads. _Sorry, we can't make this work. Manny. _He feels like someone took all the wind out of him. The paper falls from his fingers.

"Told ya," says Heather. "No one ever believes me, but there's your proof."

J.T. gives Toby a confused look, retrieves the paper, reads.

"This...this has gotta be fake," says J.T. "Tobes..."

"It's...it's her handwriting, J.T.," stammers Toby, taking off his glasses.

"Yeah, she writes her M really big," adds Heather. "Such a show-off."

"But why would Manny give you a note?" says J.T. "Why not Emma, or someone she actually likes?"

"Manny thinks we're friends. Really, I can't stand her. We went to the Dot the other day, the day I ran into you in the hall, Toby. She invited me. Ask her."

Toby looks down, rubs his eyes. "She's sent me a note before..."

"So?" exclaims J.T. "Toby..."

"It's her handwriting, J.T., isn't it?" shouts Toby.

J.T. flinches, but Toby's mind is working in overdrive so he barely notices. Heather had told him outright that Manny was laughing at him behind his back, using him as a safety net. Guess she doesn't need me anymore, thinks Toby.

"Yeah...yeah, it is," says J.T., shaking his head. "I'm really sorry, man."

Heather sighs. "I'm really sorry too, Toby. Well, big day tomorrow. Dress rehearsal. I was hoping to relax tonight. But... since I can't watch the movie..."

"J.T., get her...get her the movie," mutters Toby. "Then we'll get out of here."

"Toby, come on," says J.T. "Maybe she'll at least come and explain herself."

"No...I can't even talk right now, okay?" replies Toby. "You know what? I'll get your video."

"You really are a nice guy, Toby," says Heather, beaming. "Thanks."

J.T. picks up the flowers, blows out the candles.

VI.

"It's snowing!" exclaims Manny, clapping her hands.

"Remember we used to think snow brought good luck?" says Emma, smiling at Manny.

Manny and Emma sit in the backseat, Spike halting her car at a stoplight.

"Well, it's annoying to drive through," sighs Spike. "But I'll deal. Does Toby have a ride home?"

"Don't know," replies Manny. "Can we drop him home if he doesn't?"

"Sure," says Spike.

"It shouldn't take long for Toby to say he wants to be Manny's boyfriend," says Emma, elbowing her.

"Be quiet," whispers Manny, nudging Emma.

"I love the friends dating thing," says Spike, smiling. "Me and Snake...well, we..."

"Mom, no," protests Emma. "Ewww."

"Fine," says Spike. "Oh, video store approaching."

Manny smiles, looks into her lap. When she kissed him, she thought it would take a bit longer, but she's glad he called, that Heather's plotting hasn't paid off. Clara, Manny's sorry she had to get hurt in the process, but she can't stop how she feels, and Clara could certainly understand that.

"Looks dark," comments Spike, parking the car on the street.

"Toby's probably closing up," says Manny. "I'll be back."

Emma claps happily, then crosses her fingers. "Snow!"

"Snow," says Manny, smiling.

Manny exits the car, putting her hands in her coat pockets. Snow whirls around her, painting the scene like a postcard. So wonderful. She peeps into the front window, a bit taken aback by the Help Wanted sign.

"Wish I could come back," she says.

It is dark, she thinks. She checks her watch, shivers. The car door opens, Emma sticking out her head.

"Is he there?" shouts Emma.

"He'll be here," says Manny, looking in again.

Manny leans against the window, stares up at the sky. Snowflakes fall right in her eyes, and she shakes her head to get them out. Five minutes pass, and she stares into the stores again. Then, it's ten minutes.

"Manny!" yells Emma, jogging to her. "Did you get the time right?"

"Yeah, eight-thirty," says Manny. "He'll be here, Em. He's never let me down before."

"Toby's reliable," agrees Emma. "I'll wait with you."

Twenty minutes go by, Emma bouncing up and down to keep warm. Manny continually stares into the window, then glances at both sides of the street.

"I don't...I don't think he's showing up, Manny," says Emma, remaining still.

"Yes, he is!" exclaims Manny.

"What if...what if he's afraid to tell you his decision?" says Emma, gently. "Maybe he chickened out."

"No...he's going to show," says Manny, her eyes tearing up.

"Manny..." starts Emma.

Manny sobs, tugging at the door of the store. This can't be happening, she thinks. No. He'd been there for her so many times. He'd be here too. The tugging starts to hurt her hands, but she doesn't stop.

"Manny...come on," says Emma. "It's cold."

Emma puts her hand over Manny's, pries her hand off the door handle. Manny sinks to her knees, Emma hugging her.

"How could he do this?" sobs Manny, tears falling on Emma's shoulder. "After Craig, after my dad..."

"You guys will talk," soothes Emma.

"And he'll tell me that's it, to leave him alone so he can be with Clara," says Manny. "I thought it was different, Emma. Toby's different."

"Mom will drive us home," says Emma, leading her to the car.


	30. Music

**XXX. Music**

_Hey Mr DJ_

_Put a record on_

_I wanna dance with my baby_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like my Acid Rock?_

_Hey Mr. DJ_

_Put a record on_

_I wanna dance with my baby_

_And when the music starts_

_I never wanna stop_

_It's gonna drive me crazy_

_Music...music...music...music...music...music..._

_Music makes the people come together_

_(Never gonna stop)_

_Music makes the bourgeoisie and the rebel_

_(Never gonna stop)_

_Don't think of yesterday_

_And I don't look at the clock_

_I like to boogie-woogie_

_It's like riding on the wind and it never goes away_

_Touches everything I'm in_

_Got to have it everyday_

_Music makes the people come together, yeah_

_(Never gonna stop)_

_Music makes the bourgeoisie and the rebel_

_(Never gonna stop)_

_Hey Mr. DJ_

I wanna dance with my baby

And when the music starts

I never wanna stop

_Never wanna stop_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like my Acid Rock?_

_Hey Mr. DJ_

_Put a record on_

_It's gonna drive me crazy_

_Music makes the people come together, yeah_

_(Never gonna stop)_

_Music makes the bourgeoisie and the rebel_

_(Never gonna stop)_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like to Boogie-Woogie_

_Do you like my Acid Rock?_

**City of Blinding Lights is the property of U2.**

**Silent Movie is the property of Natasha Bedingfield.**

**Author's Note: I saw Tobanny in The Bitterest Pill a day ago (I know...I'm late) and couldn't resist updating. lol. They were so cute in that episode. Plus I'm snowed in. Bleh. Ah, well, back to that J.T. fic.**

"Okay, I've got something all you ladies want!" announces Danny.

Derek follows him, carrying a large cardboard box, with an official seal on the side.

"I seriously doubt that," remarks Paige, checking to see if her blouse is buttoned since Danny's staring at her chest.

"Oh, you'll be racing to get to me in a minute, sweet booty mama," assures Danny. "In here, your official Miss Degrassi sashes."

Darcy and Hazel squeal in unison, the majority of girls indeed racing over to see them. Manny hangs back, eyes on the floor. Derek takes out a box cutter, slowly slicing it open, enjoying the girls' attention. As soon as they view the first edge of a sash, they pounce on the box, finding their own.

"Miss Edwards!" says Darcy, cheerfully. "And look, at the end of my name, a little crown symbol with Miss Degrassi on top of it. So beauty queen."

"Fits so perfectly," compliments Hazel, putting it over her shoulders, twirling around.

Paige gasps. "Oh no."

"What?" prompts Emma.

"Mine says Miss Michalcluk, not Michalchuk," groans Paige. "What is this, some sick joke?"

"You can't perform with an improper sash," reminds Heather.

Danny pretends to cluck like a chicken, Derek laughing.

"Can it, Webster," snaps Paige. "Looks like I need to find Mrs. Tellman."

Huffing, Paige brushes past Hazel and Darcy, nearly knocking them over. They shrug at one another, go back to admiring their sashes. Emma takes another sash out of the box, heads for Manny.

"There's one for Miss Santos," sing-songs Emma. "Methinks it might make her smile."

Manny wipes her eyes. She'd been crying suddenly, off and on, all night, during the morning. She shouldn't have had any expectations. She expected too much, from her dad, Toby, for herself.

"So me using methinks doesn't make you smile either," sighs Emma. "Manny..."

"I can't...can't focus," says Manny.

"You need to," says Emma. "Find some way. Think of the agent."

"I can only think of Toby, Emma," replies Manny. "Let's just get this pageant thing over with."

Manny takes her sash reluctantly, situates it over a short-sleeved, red dress. For the opener, Mrs. Tellman wanted all of them to dress in an outfit that reflected their personality. It was odd because most of them chose professional business suits, which was nothing like them. Darcy has on a cream-colored one, and Heather a navy blue one. Emma chose a pretty cotton, white top and brown khakis, very modest. She'd definitely stand out, which was her plan. Both Manny and Hazel compromised between casual and formal with pretty cocktail dresses, dressy but not too laidback.

"Where's J.T., man?" asks Derek, holding up a Mr. Yorke sash.

"Here!" calls out J.T., walking quickly to Derek. "Oh, Mr. Yorke. How lovely."

J.T. wears a dress shirt under a blue suit jacket, and brown slacks.

"You look like a game show host," guffaws Derek, keeling over.

"Liberty must've dressed you," adds Danny, clapping Derek on the back.

"Very funny," says J.T., smirking. "Hand over the sash."

Manny makes it a point to make eye contact with J.T. He probably knew why Toby didn't show, and maybe she could shake it out of him. J.T. meets her gaze, a disgusted frown forming on his lips. What did that expression mean? Toby was the one who ditched her. No matter, thinks Manny, approaching him. I have to know.

"J.T.," greets Manny, smiling weakly.

"What?" says J.T., sliding on his sash.

"Your friend really, really hurt me, and I'd like to know why," says Manny, sniffling.

"Wow, good acting, Manny," says J.T., his eyes widening. "I almost believe you."

Emma steps in between them. "It's true. Toby's a total coward."

"Butt out, Emma," warns J.T. "You do know how to do that, don't you? You stop sticking yourself in the middle of situations, walk away..."

"Like you walked away from Liberty," throws back Emma. "Toby probably learned that from you!"

My parents already fought over me, thinks Manny, and now my friends?

"Enough!" exclaims Manny, causing a few people to stare. "Just...forget it."

"Well, you can forget Toby," says J.T., sharply. "And I swear if you try to weasel yourself back in when he's here today..."

"He'll be here today?" says Manny, her pulse quickening.

"Leave him alone, Manny," whispers J.T., angrily. "I'm not your biggest fan either right now."

J.T. shakes his head at them both, goes to the other side of the backstage area.

"What did I do?" cries Manny, throwing herself down in a chair.

"Nothing," insists Emma. "Look, calm down, okay?"

Heather reaches over Manny's shoulder, retrieving a tube of lip gloss from the top of a table. Manny folds her arms.

"Figured you'd be wearing scarlet, Manny," says Heather. "Sleeping with half the school and all."

Heather smirks, goes to talk to one of her blonde friends. Darcy shivers as Heather passes her.

"That girl totally brings the chill," whispers Darcy to Manny.

"I'm so through with her," replies Manny.

"You and Toby having problems?" asks Darcy, gently.

Manny nods.

"It's none of your business, Miss Edwards," says Emma.

"Did I utter a word to you?" says Darcy. "J.T.'s right. Stop butting in."

"Whatever," says Emma.

"Anyways," says Darcy, pointedly. "It's weird how like whenever Heather's around, you and Toby get off track."

"What...what do you mean?" stammers Manny, glancing at Darcy.

"Um...like she exposed that you guys were more than friends. Then, like at the Dot, she came in and you started crying...about Toby, I'm guessing, and..."

Darcy's rambling is making more than a little sense. Emma stares down at Manny, knowingly.

"And I ran into her yesterday at the center, and Toby's mysteriously absent that same night," finishes Manny, her face heating up.

"Hmm...didn't know that," says Darcy. "Oh, sugar, I need to go check on my Vaseline."

Manny stands hurriedly, the chair toppling. Emma makes a grab for her arm, but misses. It isn't too hard to find Heather, as she always made it a point to be in the center of her small group of friends.

"Word...with you," demands Manny, bumping two blondes to the side.

"Memo to Manny," replies Heather. "I don't talk to trash. And the gossip mill suggests neither does Toby."

"You can't even keep Screech," says one of Heather's friends. "Tre lame."

"Wanna know what's lame?" shouts Manny. "Someone's who's so jealous that they'd stomp on anyone to get in their way. I shouldn't have felt sorry for you, Heather. Your mom not being there for you, you feeling fat..."

"Shut up!" yells Heather, turning red, heading in another direction.

Manny trails her, follows her all the way to a changing room not too far from the stage. Heather dots her eyes with her sash.

"Great," moans Heather. "Now it's going to be all wet."

"That's the least amount of tears caused since this whole thing began," says Manny. "Tell me what you did."

Heather gives her a cold smile. "Fine, you make me cry, and I'll do the same. But I don't think you can take it."

"Try me," says Manny, narrowing her eyes.

Heather sniffles. "Your note about the DVD player..._Sorry, can't make it work. Manny. _I pretended it was a note to him last night. He bought it...and he bought it because I told him you were using him. It was a tad heart-breaking to see him crumple up like that, but I so did him a favor because you're a toxic tart who was going to dump him in a hot minute."

Manny covers her mouth, shaking her head as tears fall.

"And I might've used the words safety guy, said you badmouthed him...I fed all his fears. The thing is...he was more than willing to listen to me, so obviously you weren't doing something right."

"No...no," whispers Manny to herself.

"Yes," laughs Heather. "He'll probably go to Clara now. They make more sense anyway. They can have computer game tournaments, marry and have geeky children. But buck up, Manny. Tomorrow's pageant day."

Manny wipes her eyes furiously, can't see anything in the room.

"Good luck, Slutos," says Heather, patting Manny's shoulder, holding her head high as she leaves.

Barely able to breathe, Manny goes back to the backstage area, searches for J.T., staring down at a piece of paper with Danny.

"You sure Liberty likes this song?" says J.T. "Doesn't seem like her kind of music."

"Dude, it's her guilty pleasure song," assures Danny. "Manny and I used to make fun of her for liking it."

"Okay," says J.T., tentatively.

"J.T...J.T...," breathes Manny, going up to him.

"Babe, what's wrong?" asks Danny, putting an arm around her shoulders.

J.T. looks at her, concern etched on his face.

"I...I need to talk to Toby," says Manny. "For a couple minutes, one minute, any time he can give me."

"Ugh, this is about Toby," mutters Danny, taking his arm away. "Oooh, Paige is back."

They both ignore Danny pimp-walking to Paige's side.

"Manny...," starts J.T.

"Please," sobs Manny. "One minute."

"Um...he's coming to help Clara set up for the pageant, some technical work I didn't understand when he was explaining it, but yeah, he'll be here in an hour," says J.T., looking away from her. "This better be a good convo, Manny."

"Thank you," whispers Manny.

"And...and don't cry," says J.T. "Your eyes get all puffy, and...Toby wouldn't like it."

Manny smiles shyly. "Well, what about you?"

"I don't like it, either," says J.T., handing her the hankerchief from his jacket.

II.

"Okay, did I thank you for arranging this gig?" says Jimmy, watching a couple contestants chat on the runway, now complete.

"Today, you've mentioned it about six times," replies Craig, righting Ellie's cymbal. "Since we're talking girls, why aren't our two girls here yet?"

"Ellie's sick," informs Marco. "She's doing better, but..."

"That stinks," sighs Craig. "Uh...she can still play, right?"

"Craig!" exclaims Marco. "Compassion can be offered to girls other than Ashley, you know?"

"Sorry," says Craig. "I'm in a funk."

A funk caused by Ashley, he thinks. If they didn't have the drums, they'd sound terrible anyway. He had to have the money after blowing his savings on the apartment, the apartment that wasn't even going to be used because of her. Ashley was right, too, about Janis. The dog was expensive, and loud, but Angie was getting a real kick out of taking care of her. Joey had also formed some weird attachment to Janis, maybe because he was the only guy the dog liked. Too bad he didn't know how attached he and Ashley were because of this music festival thing. The first feeling that came into his heart was one of sheer happiness for her. Wow, if he got an opportunity, he'd totally skip out and play the day away. But the second feeling was one of dread. London killed their relationship one time, and maybe bad luck would strike them twice. Things were going so well too, except for that whole "you've changed" line he threw at her. It was partly true, but he shouldn't have said it. However, the thing is, when they were on the mountain together, he saw the old, totally sympathetic, free Ashley. She rescued him, was so ready to be with him no matter the circumstances. Weeks later, she suddenly has conditions how they should be.

"Yeah," says Jimmy, glancing at a pretty brunette in a black business suit. "A Kerwin funk. I had those times too. But today, totally happy."

"Do you need to update your Myspace, Jim?" says Marco. "Last I checked, you were in a relationship."

"Jury's still out," answers Jimmy. "I asked Haze to come to Cali with me and my parents. Said she'd give me an answer after the pagent. I'd like her to say yes."

"You two should write a blues song, huh?" offers Marco, beaming.

Jimmy and Craig both cast an evil eye in his direction, Marco clearing his throat.

"Enough about relationships," groans Craig. "Man, when are those girls getting here? It's like six o' clock."

"We're doing U2 first, right?" asks Jimmy.

"Yeah," replies Craig, glad to finally hear the door of the auditorium open. "The one song I get to sing."

"Not my fault Ash sings better," says Marco. "Oh, here they come."

"It's about time," remarks Craig, picking up his guitar.

In streams Ellie, her eyes cloudy, but looking not that bad, and Ashley, looking...looking like Ashley. Craig's mouth drops, and the guitar slips through his fingers, him able to catch it before it hits the floor.

"Dude, you almost dropped your axe!" exclaims Jimmy.

Craig ignores Jimmy, continues to stare at Ashley. It was as if she'd stepped through a time machine, and came out in her old black wool coat, a blue Pink Floyd T-shirt, and vintage jeans with straight hair. Craig grins. She smiles at Craig briefly, then plugs in her keyboard.

Spinner steps out onstage, dressed in a very nice black tuxedo. In back, Danny turns on a video camera. Mrs. Tellman nods for him to start his introduction.

"Happiness now fading," whispers Jimmy, rolling his eyes.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," says Spinner into the microphone. "Welcome to the first annual Miss Degrassi."

Spinner continues his introduction, the band getting set to play. Craig's sure Mrs. Tellman had to have written it.

"Now, let's meet our contestants," finishes Spinner. "The ladies will be accompanied by the musical stylings of Downtown Squash...I mean, Sasquatch. Dude, there's a gravy stain on this notecard!"

Mrs. Tellman strokes her forehead.

"So drugged up," whispers Ellie, sitting down slowly. "If anyone wants to know what they look like in a fun house mirror, I can tell you. Ashley, especially blurry."

"Well, she's clear to me," says Craig, then quickly saying, "I mean...let's play."

Ashley drapes her coat over a nearby chair, glances over at Craig, as Ellie counts them off.

There's a microphone at the end of the runway, where Craig guesses the contestants would say hello to the audience. Wow, it would be so strange seeing Manny again. It was really for the best that they hadn't talked since the ski trip, but maybe one day things would cool down, and they could be cordial to one another.

Jimmy plays a few bars, Marco joining in. Ashley's keyboard is the loudest, and he's thankful for that, as it gives him an excuse to look over at her more. He does, begins to sing:

"_The more you see the less you know_

_The less you find out as you go_

_I knew much more then than I do now_

_Neon heart, day-glow eyes_

_The city lit by fireflies_

_They're advertising in the skies_

_And people like us..."_

Ashley bites her lip, stares down at her keyboard. Paige steps out onto the runway, flips her hair back, and introduces herself. Spinner gives her a warm smile as she heads back. Two other girls Craig doesn't know do the same, and Tellman motions for Craig to continue the song.

"_And I miss you when you're not around_

_I'm getting ready to leave the ground_

_Oh you look so beautiful tonight.._."

Ellie does a roll on her snare drum, as Hazel comes to the microphone, cheerfully speaks to the crowd, and smiles. Jimmy stares after her, beaming. Suppose the other girls don't matter now, thinks Craig, shrugging.

Heather strolls grandly on the runway, taking slow steps. Mrs. Tellman arches her eyebrows.

"_Don't look before you laugh_

_Look ugly in a photograph_

_Flash bulbs, purple irises the camera can't see..."_

"Speed it up, Ms. Sinclair!" instructs Mrs. Tellman, yelling over the song. "You have to be in time with the music."

Heather sighs, speeds down the runway, introduces herself. Craig suppresses a laugh, stares at Ashley, who this time locks her gaze with him. His heart starts to thump, vibrate like the musical vibrations he can feel through the floor. He has flashbacks of being next to her when they were in the Squatch together the first time, clothed in denim jackets, the Converse sneakers she now wears, her hair straight like he's used to. However, what he remembers most is the sensation of not being more than a few feet away from her, her looking at him, them watching each other enjoy what they did most. It's no longer a memory; it's happening. Craig sings heartily:

"_I've seen you walk unafraid_

_I've seen you in the clothes you've made_

_Can you see the beauty inside of me?_

_What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?"_

Ashley bops her head in tune to the music, returning his smile. Craig moves to the beat, as Darcy comes on, then J.T., then Emma.

"_And I miss you when you're not around_

_I'm getting ready to leave the ground_

_Oh you look so beautiful tonight...tonight_

_In the city of blinding lights..."_

A frown replaces the smile on Ashley's face. Craig wonders why. Is she thinking it's over, or about London, another city other than Toronto?

Manny arrives next, a pained expression on her face, but managing a smile as she reaches the end of the runway. Craig gives her a warm look. She did look gorgeous, but that was all he felt. She seems distracted, he thinks. Manny speaks into the microphone, glancing around for some reason. She leaves the stage, her face falling. Craig shrugs, eyes going back to Ashley.

"_Time...time...time...won't leave me as I am_

_But time won't take the boy out of this man_

_Oh you look so beautiful tonight_

_Oh you look so beautiful tonight_

_Oh you look so beautiful tonight..."_

Ashley blushes, letting hair fall into her face. She truly does look beautiful tonight, thinks Craig. Both he and Jimmy end a refrain, Ellie doing one last roll, Marco's bass growing soft. The song ends, Mrs. Tellman offering them an appreciative nod.

"Thank you, Downtown Sasquatch," says Spinner. "They'll be with us throughout the show, but now we turn our attention to our esteemed judges. First, we have Mrs. Colleen Dale...head cheerleader for the Degrassi Panthers. Oh wait, these are out of order. Hey, I'm sure I know that Paige's middle name isn't TorontoisStank. What is that, Ukranian?"

"What?" cries Paige, stepping back out onstage.

"Unbelievable," moans Mrs. Telllman, advancing to Spinner. "Let me see those cards."

Ellie snickers. "I need to go to the washroom."

"Yeah...yeah, me too," says Ashley, breaking her gaze with Craig.

"Ash!" whispers Craig, starting to walk towards her.

"Have...have to go," stutters Ashley, taking Ellie's hand and pulling her away.

Craig grabs his curls in frustration.

"_I got the blues_," sings Jimmy, strumming his guitar, softly. "_I got the blues. I got the Ashley-and-me-have-drama-every-other-week-so-I-get-really-emo blues_."

"_Oh yeah_," sings Marco.

"Shut up, guys," mumbles Craig, closing his eyes.

III.

Toby unfolds the tripod, making sure not to look at the stage, Clara fiddling with her video camera next to him. He did the smart thing, waited until the introductions were over, until the evening gown competition was over. Could he see Manny in that dress, the dress he bought for her, the clothing she used him for? No way, and all that miracle dress stuff? Liar. He grips the legs of the tripod so hard it squeaks.

"What did the tripod ever do to you?" asks Clara, grinning.

"Sorry," says Toby.

"A little rattled?" says Clara.

"Nah," replies Toby.

He even waited until the very end of the talent competition, after spotting Nate going in to do the scene, the scene he would've done with her. He's so glad that never happened. Or he convinced himself he was glad. Was he? Yeah, yeah, I am, thinks Toby. Let her use someone else.

"Thanks for this," says Clara, turning red. "Have you, um, thought about camp at all?"

Truthfully, he hadn't been thinking about anything besides Manny for the last few days. But he can change that. When she sent him that note, it's like she forgot, about the things they did on the ski trip, their date, all the words she said made him feel good, words that meant nothing. Might as well move on since it was nothing.

"I'm going," announces Toby, taking a deep breath.

"You are?" cries Clara, excitedly. "That's...that's good."

"Yeah, as soon as I get my paycheck," says Toby.

"Oh, that reminds me," says Clara, taking out an envelope from her camera bag. "Manny's last pay."

"Yeah," says Toby, looking down, shuffling his feet.

"You want to give it to her?" asks Clara. "She and I don't have the best communication."

"It's gotta be better than me and her," replies Toby. "We're not speaking."

"Really?"

"No."

Clara's lips tighten, and he's not sure what to say.

"After the rehearsal, I'll track her down," says Clara. "It's not a problem."

Toby shrugs, starts to check the settings on the camera.

"Ellie needs good footage," informs Clara. "For the video yearbook."

"Let me fix the lighting," says Toby.

"I'll go talk to Danny, and see where I should set up tomorrow," says Clara over her shoulder, starting towards Danny.

Spinner, with brand new blue notecards, walks onstage, grinning.

"Now, for our final contestant, in the talent competiton, we have Paige Michalchuk, singing _Silent Movie_ by Natasha Bedingfield," announces Spinner. "Miss Michalchuk."

Paige smiles at Spinner, stands in the middle of the stage, in a sparkly black dress, her hair in loose waves. Toby pivots the camera on her, then raises his head. He notices the curtain parting a little to Paige's right. Derek dims the light, plays her music as Paige raises the microphone to her lips. Even in the dark, he can still see her face. He's been seeing it so much the past few weeks, it's easy to know. Paige sings as Manny frowns at him:

"_We're in a picture black and white_

_Who took the light out of my life_

_When you, gave in_

_We're playing out of different roles_

_We should be wanting the same goals_

_Listening, forgiving..."_

It's a depressed frown, somewhat reminding him of whenever she talked about her father, or maybe she's acting. Toby slouches his shoulders, blinks back at her. Manny puts some hair behind her ear, her dark eyes shining luminously.

"_Oh, why can't we communicate_

_When the main feature is just begining_

_In the silent movie there's no talking_

_You're just an actor_

_So break into my story_

_Take it over_

_Paint me with colour..."_

Toby steps away from the camera, feeling a lump in his throat. Why'd he do it? Why'd he do something so stupid as to fall in love with her? They could've stayed friends, stayed away from all this difficulty. It was working that way, being friends. But would he trade the past for all the romance? He really can't supply a straight answer for that.

"Toby, what's wrong?" asks Clara. "You're in some sort of trance."

"Manny," breathes Toby, looking directly at the girl causing him so much pain.

"What does that mean?" says Clara, uncomfortably shifting her feet.

"_Everybody's speaking, but you don't know what they're saying_

_You're just guessing meanings_

_Interpreting emotion through a window that is broken_

_We're just testing feelings..."_

"I need air," answers Toby.

He gives Clara a wordless hug, Clara staring at him confused, then walks outside the auditorium, right smack into J.T., exiting a prop closet.

"You're here," says J.T., smiling.

"Yeah," says Toby. "Excuse me."

"Uh, how about I excuse you later, and you maybe talk to Manny?" says J.T., grinning hopefully.

"Why would I want to?" exclaims Toby. "J.T., you were there."

"I don't know," says J.T. "Manny's not that cruel, and it's Heather, and...she was crying a lot. I thought..."

"No," says Toby, strongly.

"Fine, fine," says J.T., standing in front of Toby. "Hug?"

"What?" cries Toby.

J.T. pulls Toby into a hug, pats his back. Toby's eyes bug out.

"This feels strange," says Toby.

"Sorry about this, Tobes," says J.T., pushing him into the closet. "But I kinda believe in making you happy."

J.T. closes the door. Toby reaches for the knob, but is stopped by a voice saying "Wait!"

The voice makes the hair on the back of his head stand up. He turns to Manny, Paige's voice coming through the crack under the door.

"_Oh, why can't we communicate_

_When the main feature is just beginning_

_In the silent movie there's no talking_

_You're just an actor_

_So break into my story_

_Take it over_

_Paint me with colour_

_Step into the movie, you can be my leading man_

_Break into the silence, so your heart can understand_

_Step into the movie, we could walk along the sand_

_Let me stand beside you, put your life into my hand..."_

"Toby, Heather lied to you," says Manny, smoothing down the skirt of her talent outfit.

"You lied," whispers Toby, crossing his arms. "You used me."

"I'd never do that!" exclaims Manny. "Am I that kind of person? Have I been that person for the last five years?"

"No," says Toby, softly. "But that was your handwriting on the note."

"It was for a stupid DVD player," says Manny.

He wants that to be true. I need a test, some type of test. Then, it comes to him.

"Did you invite Heather to the Dot?" asks Toby.

"Yeah," replies Manny. "Why?"

"Oh, wow, Manny," says Toby, shaking his head. "Yeah, everything Heather said was a lie. That's why she told me the truth about the Dot."

"She showed up to basically put me down...," begins Manny.

"Like you badmouth me to everyone," interrupts Toby. "Ironically, something you called Clara out for."

"Oh, Clara the angel! Sure, bring her up, Toby!" exclaims Manny. "I see you around her and I want to scream."

"I trust her. I like her. I...," starts Toby.

"Pity her?" supplies Manny.

"I'm going to camp with her," informs Toby, staring behind Manny at a pair of fake lanterns.

Manny shakes a little, a hurt expression crossing her face. That Toby actually believes. He goes to the door, but Manny blocks him, pressing her back against the door.

"What is it about me that's not good enough?" whispers Manny.

Toby tries to get a grip on the knob, but Manny backs him up.

"Am I too touchy feely? I'll stop touching you. Am I too stress-inducing? We'll take a break. Am I too stupid, or showy, or emotional? I can work on all that," cries Manny.

"It's not any of that," promises Toby. "Don't talk down about yourself. Look, just go back to rehearsal. I have to go to work."

"Heather's wrong," says Manny. "I'll prove it."

"I don't care about Heather," insists Toby. "I care about you. I only want to know that you care too."

Toby looks at her one more time, opens the door, goes out.

"_Don't you know you love me, like you never love yourself_

_Don't you know you love me, like you never love yourself_

_Don't you know you love me, like you never love yourself_

_Don't you know you love me, like you never love yourself..."_

The music ends, and Toby stalls before going outside the community center, the last words he said to her ringing in his mind like a deep echo.

IV.

Manny walks back into the auditorium, watching Spinner introduce Downtown Sasquatch for another intermission performance, the second out of three. She feels a little proud for Craig, despite his treatment of her. This would get him good exposure. Some types of exposure weren't so good, she thinks, eyeing Clara. It was so obvious that Clara had confessed her undying feelings for him. Meanwhile, I haven't said a word, thinks Manny. That's why he's headed off to camp with her.

"Clara!" calls Manny, jogging over to her.

Clara harrumphs. "Because everyone should have some Manny in their day."

"Say what?" says Manny.

"Toby isn't coming back, is he?" says Clara. "Last time that happened he was soothing you. I put two and two together."

"Oh," says Manny.

Clara retrieves Manny's paycheck. "Final pay."

"Thanks," says Manny. "Um...so you're going to camp with Toby?"

"Looks that way," answers Clara. "If he can get the money."

"What do they do there?"

"Nothing you'd be interested in," sighs Clara. "You don't exactly subscribe to _PC World_, do you?

"Remove the cattiness for a bit," snaps Manny. "Please."

"Fine," says Clara, pressing pause on her camera. "They cover programming, tech solutions, robotics, animation. Toby's incredibly into animation, if you didn't know."

"I know," says Manny.

"Oh, really?" says Clara, smirking. "Well, then you'd know that he can't pass this up...for anyone. They have some of the best professionals there. Toby could get an internship. He has the grades..."

"The grades and the talent," fills in Manny. "That's all the info I want. Thanks. Bye."

"Bye," says Clara, squinting her eyes.

Manny retreats backstage, finds Nate chatting with Darcy in a corner.

"Hey," she greets.

"Hey!" greets Nate. "I was telling Darcy what a good job she did. A natural performer."

"Whatever," says Darcy, smoothing back her bangs. "I might like...try out for captain next year."

"You should," encourages Nate.

"You were good, Darce," says Manny. "Too bad our scene sucked."

"Wasn't that bad," assures Nate. "Delivery pretty good. Emotional projection...meh."

"That's me...distracted," apologizes Manny. "Plus I don't get why Anne kisses him at the end of the play. She's hard to get a feel for. I mean, we're not doing that scene, but she said she wanted to be friends on the bridge."

"Reading ahead," says Nate. "That's all well and good, but it's in the subtext. Anne does love Gil, but...how can I put this? He's not the ideal guy for her. He's a schoolyard buddy, kinda dorky. She's never seen him as anything different until the end. He's near death and then she decides to act."

"Aw, that's sweet," gushes Darcy.

Nate's analysis takes awhile to sink in. If a girl wants the ideal so badly, what makes her change her mind? What makes her finally come around?

"He's who she wants," says Manny. "What she's wanted all along...just in a different package."

"Yep," says Nate. "That's what you have to project, Manny."

"How long is this intermission?" asks Manny, grabbing Nate's hand, looking at his watch.

Darcy looks too. "Thirty more minutes."

"I need...need a ride to the bank," says Manny.

"Sure, I can give you a lift," says Nate.

Manny pulls Nate's hand.

"And if you're not back?" calls out Darcy after them.

"I'll be back," yells Manny behind her.

V.

Nate parks right outside the house Manny had run to a couple days before. The house looks less welcoming, a little cold, similar to when she came to collect Toby for Rick's visitation.

"Nice house," compliments Nate. "Is anyone home?"

"Here's hoping," says Manny.

Manny gets out of the car, sure she looks odd in her Victorian blouse and skirt. A man taking out his trash looks at her, smiles wide. At least I made one guy smile today, thinks Manny, waving politely.

She rings the doorbell, blowing in her hands to keep warm. Please, not Ashley's mom, thinks Manny. I've had enough awkwardness, so not her. Thankfully, it's Jeff.

"Manny!" says Jeff. "Hello."

"Hi," says Manny. "How are you?"

"Good...um, Toby's not here."

"I know. Came to see you."

Jeff's brow wrinkles. "Oh, okay. Want to come in?"

"Won't be long," says Manny. "I have money...for Toby, for computer camp."

She places an envelope in his hands, Jeff giving her a puzzled look.

"This is very generous of you, Manny, but I don't think...," says Jeff.

"Please," interjects Manny. "He doesn't have to know where it came from. In fact, don't tell him. Tell him it's from a friend."

"Only a friend?" says Jeff, smiling down at her.

"Only a friend," replies Manny, smiling back. "Thanks."

"I'll tell him," promises Jeff. "Have a good holiday, Manny."

"Bye," says Manny, heading back to Nate's car.


	31. Love Don't Live Here Anymore

**XXXI. Love Don't Live Here Anymore**

_You abandoned me  
Love don't live here anymore  
Just a vacancy  
Love don't live here anymore_

When you lived inside of me  
There was nothing I could conceive  
That you wouldn't do for me  
Trouble seemed so far away  
You changed that right away, baby

Love don't live here anymore  
Just emptiness and memories  
Of what we had before  
You went away  
Found another place to stay, another home

In the windmills of my eyes  
Everyone can see the loneliness inside me  
Why'd ya have to go away  
Don't you know I miss you so and need your love

Paige spritzes some hairspray around J.T.'s head, J.T. staring around blankly.

"Paige!" winces J.T., flailing his arms around. "I want to be able to see!"

She slams the hairspray can down hard, crosses her arms. Manny can tell Paige's aggravation had peaked, not a good place to be in the middle of dress rehearsal. She's somewhat glad she left the center to give Jeff the money.

"First my sash, and now you're getting divo," groans Paige, walking past a beaming Emma.

"What's a divo?" asks J.T. as Emma passes.

"I think it's the name of a musical group or something," replies Emma, airily. "Can't talk."

J.T. shrugs, Emma sitting next to Manny. Emma smiles at her, obviously wanting to share her happiness.

"Why, Emma, are you happy?" asks Manny, humoring her.

"If you must know, Manny, Spin's coming over for dinner tonight!" cries Emma. "Wants to help me relieve pre-pageant jitters. So considerate."

"Yeah, we should call him Consideration Mason," says Manny, sarcastically.

"So let's get the rest of this thing going," moans Emma, looking annoyed. "I should go ask Mom too."

"Yeah, I think she'd want to know," says Manny, shaking her head.

"Going to call," beams Emma, getting up quickly, bumping into Darcy.

"Excuse you," says Darcy, turning red.

"Ummm, maybe if you weren't standing in the middle all awkward like."

"And maybe if you watched where you were walking. Stilettos kill brain cells or what?"

"Stop being jealous, Darcy. Spinner got sick of you and now so am I."

"At least I'm pure, Ravine Queen."

Emma clicks her tongue. Manny sighs. She was hoping Darcy was feeling Nate after that talk earlier, but no, she still has that same animosity towards her best friend.Maybe this'll be the end of it, she thinks. Don't say a word, Emma, not a word. Be the bigger woman.

"You're so going down," snaps Emma. "So going down."

The rest of the girls throw amused smiles at one another, Manny gently taking Emma's hand and leading her away.

"Cat fight!" yells Derek, through a mouthful of chips.

"No!" exclaims Danny. "A mud fight!"

"Yes, dude,"says Derek, high-fiving Danny.

Manny drags Emma outside the auditorium, as Mrs. Tellman gives the lighting crew some final directions. They stall in front of the prop closet, the prop closet where Toby tried to run from her. Great, thinks Manny. This is exactly where I want to be.

"You better calm down," instructs Manny. "If I can deal with all this drama without hitting Heather, you can keep a cool head."

"She started it," says Emma.

"Stop being six. And it didn't help that you threw you and Spinner in her face._"_

Emma rolls her eyes. "Fine."

Manny sadly glances at the closet, pulls at her earring.

"Do you...do you think Toby's coming tomorrow, to the pageant?" stammers Manny.

"You want him there?" asks Emma.

"Yeah," answers Manny. "It won't feel right if he's not there. He talked me into it, and has been so supportive, and...I wanted to show I supported him so I paid for his camp."

"What?" yells Emma.

"Shhh," says Manny. "You know, the computer camp thing."

"You're sending him off with Clara?" says Emma. "The girl that would be all up on him every chance she gets?"

"I..."

"Clara talked you into it, didn't she? I saw you and her earlier."

Manny scratches her neck. She didn't think of that. Clara was adamant that Toby go because it would be good for him, but in another way, it would be good for Clara.

"How do I fix it then?" asks Manny.

"You better figure out how Toby feels before he goes," replies Emma. "I don't mean to be all negative, but it's not like Toby's being all open with you. Spinner was decisive, Toby's not."

"Ewww, don't compare Toby and Spinner," says Manny, making a face.

"Why not?"

"It's...weird."

"Oh, right. Your two love interests, one formerly into me, the other now interested in me," says Emma, matter-of-factly."Very close-knit group, very odd, very _Passions._"

"We need to get out more," sighs Manny.

II.

"What's this thing?" asks Jay, holding up a metal pipe.

Sean wipes sweat from his brow with his sleeve, looks out from under the hood. It is nice that his boss, Mel, is a friendly man, but it'd be nicer if he didn't let Jay in all the time so he could do his work. Jay had a job of his own after all, ironically at a garage.

"You're kidding me," says Sean. "You work in a garage and don't know what that is?"

"Nah, just joshing you, man," replies Jay, dropping the pipe into a toolbox. "It goes to a motorcycle carburetor. Which brings me to my next question, why do you have this when you don't have a bike?"

He avoids Jay's gaze, goes to fetch a towel to clean the grime off his hands.

"I get it," says Jay. "Cameron getting all silent and brooding again. Don't want to share. Man, maybe if you scored that night with Ellie, you'd loosen up."

Sean throws the towel at a laughing Jay. Jay holds up his hands in defense, goes over to one of Sean's co-workers. Good, thinks Sean. Let him bother someone else. Jay didn't have the right to know about it, especially since he'd come up with the idea out of the blue really. It seems like it'd be doable, and Jay would get to use the apartment for the entire summer if he so desired. He'd have to pay half the rent, though. And his pay, well, it was getting better and better.

The idea was prompted by Ellie telling him that her mom kept pushing Jimmy and Craig on her, saying they were going places. Sean couldn't argue with that; they seemed like they were going to do decent things in life, graduate from university at the very least. But he could graduate high school, and take her places, like on a road trip for the summer before she left for college, on a well put together, new motorcycle. He'd sell his car, get a first-class bike, a summer where they could reconnect before a stressful first semester for her.

Sean smiles to himself, heads to the front office to ask when Mr. Leonard would be picking up his car. He's stopped by the sight of a stern frown, a black thick coat on the woman who liked him least.

"So this is your job," says Mrs. Nash, folding her hands together.

Sean straightens up, does his best to put on an unforced smile.

"Yeah, this is it," replies Sean. "It's not much. We get a lot of clients and..."

"Listen, I basically had to harass Marco tonight for this address, so let's cut the chatter," interrupts Mrs. Nash. "Where is my daughter?"

"Umm...," starts Sean.

"She's been gone for two days. Not at Marco's or Ashley's or Craig's," says Mrs. Nash.

Sean notices tears lining Mrs. Nash's eyes, looks down at the floor. The past two days, he'd made sure Ellie was as comfortable as possible, getting her medicine, food, extra pens so she could write. They never mentioned her mother anymore after that time in the stairwell, mainly because Ellie was so out of it. But today, she was walking around, so she was improving. Alex gave her some fresh clothes to wear, and Jay wasn't around as much to give her some peace. She didn't tell Sean what to do if her mom called, or even more out of the ordinary, stop by. But she's concerned, thinks Sean, working up the nerve to stare into Mrs. Nash's sad, red eyes.

"What am I thinking?" says Mrs. Nash, putting hair behind her ear. "You're not going to tell me. Even if she was with you, you wouldn't say. You hate me. Who cares if my daughter is lying in some ditch somewhere!"

Mrs. Nash shrugs, heads for the exit.

"She's with me, Mrs. Nash!" calls out Sean, making her stop.

She approaches him again, fumbling with her gloves, smiling a little.

"She's doing better," soothes Sean. "Though sometimes she can get pretty stubborn when I ask her to lie down."

"Well, I've been dealing with that since she was three, so no sympathy," jokes Mrs. Nash, laughing a little.

Sean grins. "I understand."

"Sean, I don't think you do," says Mrs. Nash, a frown returning. "I'm her mother, and you hurt her, and my first instinct is to make sure she's alright. That her body's safe...her heart's safe."

"You don't think I understand, but I do," replies Sean. "I do. My...my parents wanted to protect me too so they shipped me here, and I'm finally doing stuff right. Had to go back and I hated, hated leaving El."

"But you did," says Mrs. Nash.

"And I'm back. The apartment, the job. I know I'm lucky she forgave me, and I know it's going to take a while for you to trust me. Craig and Jimmy...they're good guys, but your daughter likes me for whatever reason, and...I don't know. I want to protect her as much as you. I like doing it."

Mrs. Nash raises her eyebrows, glances around at the different cars.

"I'm halfway believing you," she says. "What a surprise, huh?"

Sean stays quiet, blows out a deep breath. Definitely a surprise.

"As for what's in your wallet...," says Mrs. Nash.

"You...um, wouldn't slaughter me if you looked inside it," stutters Sean, refusing to give her eye contact. "Unless you're jealous of fifty bucks."

"Really?"

"What can I say? Me and the couch are new best friends. I'm used to it by now, though."

Mrs. Nash nods. Sean looks into her eyes, grateful to see a bit of warmth in them.

"If Ellie decides to come home, I'm making clean egg nog on Christmas Eve, my first try. I know she likes egg nog a lot. I miss her. So if you could pass that message along?"

"I will," promises Sean.

"And I'm making more than enough to go around, so if you want to come too," says Mrs. Nash. "I wouldn't shut you out."

Sean can feel his eyes almost leave their sockets.

"Yeah...yeah," says Sean, barely able to speak.

Mrs. Nash turns around, walks out of the garage. Sean wipes his hands one more time, fetches the motorcycle pipe. The first road they'll take on their journey becomes clearer in his mind.

III.

Craig starts to undo the Ramonesposter on the wall. The Who, My Chemical Romance, Death Cab came off easier, as if they knew they were supposed to come down. He hadn't anticipated doing this so early, maybe after university, with him and Ash moving to some high-brow apartment in Vancouver or Calgary with good, music-related jobs.

"Half these guys look like girls," comments Joey, Janis pawing at his chest as he holds her.

"Half these guys are geniuses," says Craig. "Or dead geniuses. Dead. Like my dreams."

"Here comes moody Craig again," comments Angie, dragging a box to them.

"Go stomp on more roaches," dismisses Craig, laying his head against the wall.

"I took out an entire family," announces Angie, proudly, taking Janis from Joey.

Craig sighs, shaking his head. Angie heads for the bedroom.

"All my savings," breathes Craig.

"Stay away from the wall," cautions Joey. "There may be asbestos here."

Craig raises his head, goes to the middle of the room.

"Why aren't you yelling at me?" says Craig.

"You losing your savings after we agreed to wait until you graduated is punishment," says Joey, rubbing his bald head. "I...I have no words."

"I'm still in love with her," says Craig, slouching to the floor. "I blow my money to be with her, last year, this year. I'd probably do it every year. What's wrong with me, Joey? And yeah, I was on my meds both times."

"Bi-polar jokes," says Joey. "Nice that you can finally make jokes about it."

"I've accepted it, like I accept that Ashley and I aren't living together...finally, right?" says Craig.

Joey puts an arm around his shoulders.

"She's changed," says Craig. "Then I saw her at dress rehearsal, and she looks like the old Ash, so maybe she is. On the mountain, she was. When we were planning all this, she was. Then England Ash returns, wanting to run away from me..."

Craig's voice trails off. He was sort of glad he told Joey everything. Joey, maybe thrown off by his own messed up love life, listened intently, then gently reminded Craig that he wouldn't be able to pay for it if he was the only tenant. He talked to the landlord along with Craig, said he and Angie would help pack it up. It's what families do, said Joey. Well, he wanted Ash, Janis, and himself to be a family. No, too late for that.

"Or it's the same Ashley," offers Joey. "She's just trying to figure out who she is, what she wants. Didn't she go through some sort of phase before?"

True, thinks Craig. She went from goth to rocker to vintage, and he'd been there right beside her. However, all that was before England, before she found someone else to stand by her, that Ali jerk.

"I'm scared to let her go," confesses Craig.

"What if she's scared to let you go too?" suggests Joey. "Craig, letting go of Caitlin hurt, a lot. I can't talk about it without a little pain coming right here."

He points to his heart, Craig sympathetically nodding.

"Could tell it hurt Caitlin too. But you guys have another chance. There's some fear, I know, but you do have a chance, and fear doesn't last forever."

Craig scratches his neck. He'd somehow gotten over all that pain, that resentment when Ashley left the first time, let her come back into his life, and yes, would've done the same. There was the fear Joey talked about, too, a fear that doesn't seem so cold now that Ashley is in Toronto again. Being with Ashley soothed his fears, too, he knew, but being away from her? That would take another dose of whatever got him through last time.

"What about Diane?" says Craig, pointedly. "You want another chance?"

"And that's another reason you're not getting punished," replies Joey.

"Huh?"

"Diane volunteers at this battered women's shelter, and Christmas Eve, they're having a little party. Musical talent wanted."

"Not subtle at all, Joey. Not subtle at all."

Craig stands, goes back to taking down the Ramones.

"How much does it pay?" he asks Joey..

"Nothing," answers Joey. "You'd make the ladies happy, though. A stud like you."

"And it would get you back in Diane's good graces," says Craig.

"Please," begs Joey.

"What would I be playing?"

"Whatever they like. Uh, play a couple Jewel songs."

"Jewel? Jewel?" cries Craig. "No...no!"

"Come on," says Joey.

"I like Jewel," says Angie, Janis following her into the room.

"This isn't for you, Craig," says Joey. "It's for women having a tough go at life, and I figure you, of all people, would want to help with this particular cause."

Joey and Angie exchange sad looks, Craig swallowing a lump in his throat. Bringing joy to those who got beaten up, by people who said they loved them?

"After learning Backstreet Boys for Miss Degrassi, what harm can it do?" asks Craig.

IV.

Jeff stops the car in front of Hollywood Video Hut, rubs his hands together. Toby can't believe Bubbie's car gave out; okay, he can, but today? He'd already had enough stress, with Manny cornering him in the closet. What did that mean? She was going to a lot of trouble if it was all some elaborate lie, and he hated her asking why she wasn't good enough. If Manny could see the way she looked to him, to a lot of people, she wouldn't ask those questions. He really hopes she realizes it tomorrow tonight, no matter if she had used him.

"Thanks, Dad," says Toby, reaching for the car door.

"Hold on," says Jeff. "I went to Mr. Simpson's office to talk about Kytel..."

"Oh, don't worry about that," says Toby. "I'm using my paycheck that I'm getting tomorrow. Should cover the entrance fees. Room and board, would have to go into my savings."

"Hmmm, I took care of room and board already," explains Jeff. "As for entrance fees, a friend took care of that already."

Toby looks into his lap, then back at his dad.

"A friend?"

"Yeah. One that really wants you to go."

Clara. She works fast, thinks Toby. He's not sure when she gave him the money, though. Not today, he's sure.

"She's been wanting me to go for weeks," says Toby, shyly. "That was really nice of her."

"It was," agrees Jeff. "Kinda romantic."

"Dad!" groans Toby, hurriedly getting out of the car, his dad laughing behind him.

"Don't break too many hearts now," yells Jeff, then driving off.

Toby's cheeks burn as he enters the store. Wow, she was determined. He has to give her that. Sweet and pretty too, and she was willing to put up with so much for him.

Behind the desk, Christian is checking in a handful of comedies.

"Hey, Toby," greets Christian. "Straggler customers not getting these in on time. Disrespectful little monkeys."

"Here to aid the stragglers," says Toby. "You can go ahead."

"I'm forever grateful," replies Christian. "But soon, you and Clara will be gone, and it'll be only me."

"No possible hires?"

"That Danny kid...I don't know. He's energetic...and a skater, and a skater can't be all bad."

Toby laughs.

"He's too young," sighs Christian. "If we could get Manny back...you guys still pretty tight?"

More like tightly wound up, the both of them, thinks Toby.

"Kinda miss her too," admits Christian. "She's so bouncy and nice. It's like being around Drew Barrymore everyday. Ah well."

Toby starts to put on his vest. He didn't want Christian to be here all alone for three days, and Manny might return, as painful as asking her would be. He could go to the center and ask her before the pageant tomorrow.

"I'll ask her," says Toby.

"Cool!" exclaims Christian. "Oooh, gotta get to the theater for the last showing of _Duck Soup._ Be back before closing."

"Okay," says Toby, watching Christian leave.

Toby finishes checking in the comedies, wondering why this place is so dead for a weekend. He begins writing up some store figures, a task he did for Christian now and then, lifting his head when the door chimes. In walks a gruff-looking man, with familiar facial features, and Toby is sure he's seen him before, from somewhere.

"Good evening!" says Toby. "Welcome to Hollywood Video Hut!"

"Evening," says the man, coming closer, going over to the magazines.

With more light shining down on him, Toby is able to recognize him. Why he's here, he couldn't fathom why.

"Do you...do you need any help?" stammers Toby, his heart thumping.

Mr. Santos stares at him, his expression softening.

"Does Manny Santos work here?" he asks.

"She did, sir, but not anymore," replies Toby.

"Why...why not?"

Toby darts his eyes. Sure, yeah, tell Manny's strict father about the make-out session in the backroom.

"It's complicated...and she had to leave," says Toby.

"Well, did she do a good job?" says Mr. Santos.

"Definitely," assures Toby. "She was responsible, friendly, committed..."

"Good," interrupts Mr. Santos. "And you are?"

"Toby Isaacs, sir," says Toby. "Assistant manager."

"You're a bit young to be assistant manager," assesses Mr. Santos. "You must have earned it, though."

Toby shrugs, rights his glasses.

"So that's your unbiased opinion?" says Mr. Santos.

"Yes," says Toby, quickly. "I mean..."

"Yes?" encourages Mr. Santos.

"Manny's my friend too, so it can't be totally without bias," admits Toby. "But my boss would say the same. She's amazing pretty much."

He can't stop the words coming out of his mouth, no matter what has happened in the past week.

"You don't talk about her like a friend," says Mr. Santos.

Mr. Santos stares hard at him. I'm so going to get verbally slammed, thinks Toby. Why didn't I just shut up after telling him my position?

"Umm," whispers Toby.

"You talk about her like someone who's a good friend," says Mr. Santos, after a pause. "Like you'd look out for her."

"I would," says Toby. "She can take care of herself, but if she needs it, I would."

"She's made some decisions that make me think she can't take care of herself," says Mr. Santos, softly.

"I think...um, I think what she's been doing lately would make you proud. This pageant especially. I'm proud of her, for what it's worth."

Mr. Santos clears his throat, straightens his jacket.

"It's worth hearing," says Mr. Santos.

Toby smiles.

"Goodnight, Toby," he says.

"Night, sir," replies Toby.

Mr. Santos goes to the door, looks back.

"You've been over our house before, haven't you?" says Mr. Santos.

"A couple times," answers Toby.

Mr. Santos nods, pushes through the door, Toby's heart finally relaxing.


	32. Your Sanctuary

**XXXII. Your Sanctuary**

_Surely whoever speaks to me in the right voice  
Him or her I shall follow _

Who needs the sun, when the rain's so full of life  
Who needs the sky  
It's here in your arms I want to be buried  
You are my sanctuary

Who needs the sun, when the rain's so full of life  
Who needs the sky, when the ground's open wide  
It's here in your arms I want to be buried  
You are my sanctuary

Who needs a smile, when a tear's so full of love  
Who needs a home, with the stars up above  
It's here in your heart I want to be carried  
You are my sanctuary

Who needs the light, with the darkness in your eyes  
Who needs to sleep, with the stars in the sky  
It's here in your soul I want to be married  
You are my sanctuary

(Spoken:)  
_And the earth was void and empty  
And darkness was upon the face of the earth _

Is all of this pain so necessary  
You are my sanctuary

(Spoken:)  
Surely whoever speaks to me in the right voice  
Him or her I shall follow  
As the water follows the moon, silently

Who needs the sun with fluid steps  
Who needs the sky around the globe  
Who needs to sleep I hear your voice  
You are you are my sanctuary  
You are you are, you are  
You are you are my sanctuary

The smell of what Manny thinks is a burnt pillow fills her nostrils. Somehow, she didn't think pressed hair would smell this bad. Maybe she thought that way because her mother was always cooking something good when she used to press her hair for her when she was small. Manny would be too distracted when she was doing herself to notice any smells. Spike didn't want any distractions, probably because she loved doing hair. Instead, Manny has to put up with all these prying questions about the pageant, the event she's only semi-excited about. Still, it's nice that Spike offered to do it for her. Jack sits in a high chair, twisting the head of a teddy bear. She can imagine how the bear feels as Spike yanks her hair.

"Owww!" cries Manny, touching the back of her head.

"I can't help it," says Spike. "Manny, your hair's so thick. It's like Rapunzel's. So many layers. You sure you want it straight?"

"It'll be easier to put up in a hurry for the scene," explains Manny. "Just don't yank...please."

In the next room, she can hear some excited yelling, and a triumphant "woohoo!"

"Sorry," says Spike. "Tell me about how everything's going down."

"Well, before Spinner's entrance, we do this little catwalk. Really cheesy, but good for a photo op in case Snake's interested. Then we introduce ourselves after Spinner makes his entry. Then evening gown, a dance number, talent portion, intermission, interview session, final question, and wrap-up. And...I sound like Mrs. Tellman."

"It's been pounded into your brain for weeks. But tomorrow, it'll be all over. So proud of you and Em. Emma, well, she's been...searching for herself ever since the shooting. This seemed to make her happy."

Manny shrugs. "I guess Spinner's in the same boat."

"What do you think of that match?" questions Spike, raising her eyebrows.

They hear voices coming from the other room, and glance at one another. Getting up, Manny peeks her head in, Spike doing the same. Emma pounds the buttons on a video game console, Spinner whooping her on.

"Six thousand four hundred and twenty points!" yells Emma, excitedly. "I made it to the boss at the end!"

"Use the magic bow, dude! Use it!" shouts Spinner. "You got infinity arrows and five more lives."

"It's _you've_ got infinity arrows, Spin," corrects Emma, taking her eyes off the screen.

"Em, forget grammar! You're getting hit by the dragon, man!" reminds Spinner.

"Oh!" says Emma, resuming tapping the buttons.

Manny shakes her head. Dinner had been just as weird, but somehow Spinner pulled it together. There was a lot of uncomfortable silence at first, then Spinner mostly mispronouncing the Chinese food they ordered, until Snake mentioned how the softball team was looking really good this year. That set Spinner off, and the guys started talking about the players they hoped would be on the team again, while her, Emma, and Spike discussed transportation for tomorrow. The most amusing part for Manny was watching Spinner fumble with his chopsticks, until Emma handed him a fork. She had to admit that was pretty cute, as weird as those two seemed.

Spike giggles, goes back to put the hot comb down. Manny hops back in the chair.

"Well, she's more exuberant," says Spike.

"And surprisingly relaxed," adds Manny. "There's only so many hours of wallowing in singlehood and watching nature documentaries a person can take."

"Oh. Been into late night TV since the trip to the video store?"

Manny sadly nods. When she was dating Craig, he was always busy, so she had to occupy her time, and after Toby's failure to show up that night, she wound up right back on the couch. She really thought she'd be dating by now, dating him actually. Now, she was sending him off to camp with Clara, and she'd be stuck here. Heather throwing it in her face was the perfect addendum, too. And yes, she knows that Toby and Clara make a lot of sense, but her and Toby made some sense, right? At least, she hopes they do.

"Spike, why'd you choose to date Snake?" asks Manny. "I mean, don't take this the wrong way but he doesn't seem like your type."

Spike laughs. "Yeah, I understand what you mean."

"He likes computers and insects and you like hair and shopping..."

"I know, I know," replies Spike, smiling. "But he's kind and thoughtful and a million other things girls would die for. I dated jocks, musicians, then some real losers, but Snake was worth the wait."

"That's really romantic," sighs Manny.

"It'll happen for you," assures Spike.

"I keep failing at it," says Manny, standing.

Spike pats down some of her hair. "Snake didn't even want me at first. The timing has to be right."

"I don't like waiting," confesses Manny. "I usually...um, don't."

"Well, sometimes it's instant. It depends on the people."

"I feel like I have all these expectations, and I get let down. That goes for my family, too."

The yelling from the living room stops, the phone ringing. There's no more noise so Manny assumes Emma picked it up.

"What's that lame saying?" asks Spike. "Expect the unexpected? Love is the unexpected."

Emma walks slowly into the kitchen. "Speaking of unexpected..."

She holds the phone out to Manny, who throws Emma a confused stare. Cautiously taking the phone, she props it to her ear, throwing back her newly pressed hair.

"Hello?" she says.

"Manuellita!" greets her mother, sweetly. "I'm so glad you're there. Can you talk?"

"Yes, I can...I can talk," stammers Manny.

She waves to Spike and Emma, heads for the basement, closing the door behind her. Once she gets to the basement, she sits on her bed, nervously twisting the leg of her jeans. Emma's little waterfall statue laps real water in the background.

"I'm ready, Mom," says Manny.

"After you left...because of...you know...," starts Mrs. Santos.

"Yeah," says Manny.

"After, your father and I spoke, and he doesn't think...doesn't think you..."

"Should come over anymore," finishes Manny. "Mom, I don't want to hear this."

"No...no!" exclaims Mrs. Santos. "He doesn't think he gave you a chance to explain yourself. He wants to meet you at our church tonight."

Church? Oh boy, what an awkward place to meet.

"It'll be empty," supplies Mrs. Santos. "Services will be over, and it'll be quiet so you can talk."

This has to be one of the most difficult things her father has asked of her, more than getting the scissors to cut her clothes, or to give up acting for that matter. Facing him over something so huge would be a real struggle, she thinks. At the same time, this past month, she's stood up to some pretty big things too, embarrassing things, to people who didn't care about her at all. Her father, she's sure, cares a little, or used to care.

"If you say no, that's okay," soothes Mrs. Santos.

"I'll do it," says Manny, softly.

"That's so good, Manny," says Mrs. Santos, Manny hearing the joy in her voice. "I'll come by in a hour to get you."

"Okay, bye," says Manny, clicking off.

She goes to her drawer, fetches a modest light pink sweater and a white, peasant skirt, something that would be good for church. The last time she went to church was probably when she was fourteen, the summer before she changed her look. When she takes the skirt out, she notices glitter on the edge of her thumb. It's from the video store vest, right next to the empty place where the skirt was. She tries not to think about what it represents, why it enters her sight at this moment. No expectations, thinks Manny. Don't have any so you won't get hurt.

II.

The vestibule holds doused prayer candles on a table, a marble Mary bowing her head to the wood floor, holly hung over the church bulletin board, its fragrance filling the space. It more than looks ready for Christmas, a seemingly cheery atmosphere. That's good, thinks Manny, as she and Mrs. Santos stand near the door. Mrs. Santos instinctively creases the collar of her daughter's coat.

"I like your hair," she says, her eyes tearing.

She hopes her mom doesn't cry, because she knows she'd start to, and she didn't want to come across weaker than she felt in her heart.

"Spike pressed it," shares Manny.

"Well, she did a good job," compliments Mrs. Santos. "And I'm coming to see you tomorrow."

"Really?" cries Manny, then remembering she's in a church, closes her mouth.

Mrs. Santos grins. "Me and J.J. He's coming all the way down to see you."

She hasn't talked to J.J. since before the ski trip, so that would be a real treat. He'd be excited, maybe more excited to see a group of pretty young girls, but yeah, he'd be partly excited for her.

They both glance in the doorway, and make out Joseph Santos immediately. In a black wool coat, he slouches in a pew, staring at a stained glass window of Moses with the Ten Commandments. There's one other woman entering a confessional, and an altar boy straightening papers on a podium. Manny takes a deep breath, receives a pat on the shoulder from her mother, slowly walks to him. Joseph turns when he hears the squeak of her shoes. Stupid squeaky shoes, but she goes on. Rather than sit next to him, she sits directly behind him. He probably thinks I'm too dirty to sit next to, she moans inwardly.

"Haven't been here in awhile," says Manny, her voice frail, thin.

"Yes, I know," says Joseph.

"That's a different altar boy," continues Manny, looking at the boy.

"They change," says Joseph, his face growing tight.

"They...they do," stammers Manny. "Good change. I believe people can make good changes...if they really try."

Joseph quickly glances at Manny, then back at the window.

"When you're young, you go through all this stuff, and I feel like it's because eventually you'll be better, learn on the way. Did you ever go through that?"

The altar boy walks down the aisle of the church, Joseph's eyes following him. The lack of reply makes Manny's hands go chilly.

"I guess not," says Manny, after clearing her throat.

"I've made mistakes," says Joseph, Manny's face growing warm with his words.

"In your teen years?"

"Especially my teen years, then I met your mom, calmed down."

Manny stands, hesitantly goes to sit beside her father. The warmth from his coat surprises her, but it feels nice. It's probably the closest they've been since she tried to hug him when he visited the center. Remembering that hug he cut short makes her sight grow blurry, her eyes wet.

"Dad, do you still love me?" asks Manny, choking on the last two words.

Joseph stares back at her. "Yes. No matter what, yes."

She sobs, lowers her head to his shoulder. Joseph puts an arm around her, sniffles.

"I can't take back what I did," whispers Manny. "Only you have to know I didn't plan it, or to hurt you or disgrace you."

Joseph ruffles her newly fixed hair, but she doesn't care. It's almost like she's five again, and she's safe there with him, safe to say anything.

"I didn't want you to send me away or for you to look at me differently, but that happened anyway," continues Manny, drying her tears with her sleeve.

He crosses his legs, appears to want to listen more.

"Part of me is glad I wound up at Emma's though. I get to do things I love to do, like act, which I know you don't like, but..."

"I've never seen you act," interrupts Joseph.

"Ummm...," starts Manny.

"Or work at the video store," says Joseph. "Things that make you happy."

"They...they do."

"I feel like I should," confesses Joseph. "It's not good that you have a sanctuary everywhere else, but at home you're scared, so scared you can't talk to me about important things. Positive things. A father doesn't want a family with scared children."

"Yeah," breathes Manny.

"I don't want you scared, Manuella. And I do...do listen to you," stutters Joseph. "I want to be proud of you, as much as your mom and your friends. I'd rather be proud than what I've been for the past few months."

Manny covers her mouth, her chest shaking. He's saying all this like he means it, like he might try. It's not often that he's open, but he sounds like he could be, for her.

"Dad," whispers Manny.

Joseph reaches over, furiously wipes his eyes before collecting his daughter in his arms. Manny silently cries, feeling the weight shift, from her heart to her shoulders to finally being gone. How many days has she waited for this, for this hug she never thought was coming? Joseph rubs her back, then releases her. He smiles at her, with tear-stained cheeks.

"You can still see me, the me you'd like to see," says Manny, regaining her voice. "Come to the pageant. I'm acting and it's a family show, and I need all the parts of my family there. I need you there."

Joseph looks down, seems to be considering it. Please, thinks Manny. Please, we're making progress. Out of the corner of her eye, she views her mother coming up the aisle, purse over her shoulder.

"I...I don't have a ticket," says Joseph. "But if there's a way..."

"Took care of that for you," interjects Mrs. Santos, pulling out a ticket and presenting it to Joseph.

Manny laughs quietly.

"Time to dust off my good suit," says Joseph, ruffling Manny's hair again.

III.

"It's today! It's today!" exclaims Darcy, her face flustered, her sash slipping from her shoulders.

Ellie is tempted to pry her recorder away from Darcy, but is only pressed closer to her as everyone scurries by. What a day to pick, an hour before the pageant. She should've figured that pre-pageant madness would surround her, but if the edition was coming out tomorrow, she needed some first-class, on the scene reactions.

"Calm down, Darcy," instructs Hazel.

"In a few hours, we're going to be going down the runway in front of a hundred people, flashbulbs on every pore, zeroing in on our zits, just waiting, waiting for one of us to fall in fuschia-colored taffeta..."

"Hey!" interrupts one of Heather's friends. "I'm wearing fuschia!"

"Sorry," says Darcy. "Ellie...I'm sorry, but I can't be coherent right now."

Ellie sighs, scratches Darcy's name off her checklist. It figures Darcy wouldn't give her anything good this time around either. Heather bats her fake eyelashes at Ellie. Oh no, thinks Ellie. Then again, at least Heather appeared inviting. Everyone else is busy.

"I hope you're using both sides of the paper, Ellie," says Emma, carrying a garment bag over to a clothes rack.

"Killed an entire tree just to get this notepad, Emma," replies Ellie, making her way towards Heather.

"You definitely need to see my dance piece then," says Emma.

Ellie rolls her eyes, stands in front of Heather.

"Why Ellie Nash, what lead you to come interview me?" asks Heather, twirling her extensions. "Could it be that you already know who the winner is?"

"Don't know, Heather," says Ellie. "But as long as I'm here, how do you handle the pressures of competition?"

"What competition?" laughs off Heather. "Uh, no. Hazel Aden has the personality of wallpaper. Sure, she's pretty, in a flat way, but she doesn't pop, you know? Emma's okay-looking, but a granola ho. It's a wonder she got your man, Sean. Oh, wait, no, she had him first. You got her leftovers."

Ellie grits her teeth, glares at her.

"Moving on. Paige's nose looks worse than Michael Jackson's. Darcy is about as bright as the dimmest bulb on a Christmas tree. J.T.'s a publicity stunt. And Manny's...Manny. She'll screw up on her own, as per usual. The others...they're just lucky to be here."

"Lovely, Heather," says Ellie. "Go back to painting your face."

"You'll kick yourself later for not using quotes from the winner, Nash," condemns Heather. "Oh, well. Go off and play with Uptown Peach or whatever lame band Craig's heading these days. Maybe your drunk mom will make an appearance and steal the show. She was quite the entertainment at Back to School Night."

Ellie smirks, rewinds back her tape recorder, whistles to get everyone's attention. Heather stands, her cheeks reddening.

"Um, Heather's campaign speech to get Miss Congeniality," says Ellie, pressing play.

All Heather's comments stream out, the girls' jaws dropping. Derek and Danny chuckle loudly, pointing at Heather. Alex, helping Paige adorn her lucky P necklace, walks over, knocks Heather to the side so she drops to a chair in her business suit.

"Don't show up to the after party," warns Alex. "I know people."

"Yeah, some straight up thugs," adds Derek. "To sic on ya, man!"

"Your squeaky-voiced butt gonna get beat!" exclaims Danny, triumphantly.

To Ellie's amusement, Heather genuinely appears unnerved, hugs herself.

"I'm not dim!" cries Darcy. "I'm taking pre calc!"

"What's a granola ho?" asks Hazel, nudging Manny.

My job here is done, thinks Ellie, walking out into the auditorium. Everything is set up for tonight. Dozens of rows of chairs are spread across the floor, programs on each one, programs with Downtown Sasquatch listed multiple times, which would make Craig happy. Craig, Marco, Jimmy, and Ashley were already situated by their instruments to the left of the stage. Soft white, purple, and pink lights lit the empty runway, sometimes flickering as the crew tested settings. Red curtains shaded the main area of the stage from view. A banner with Miss Degrassi hangs above the stage.

"Little drummer girl's back," says Ellie.

"_Parapum pum pum_," sings Jimmy, softly.

Craig and Ashley laugh.

"Little mechanic boy approaching," announces Marco, nodding his head at the entrance.

Ellie turns to view Sean coming up to her. This wasn't his scene, so she can't fathom why he's here.

"Hey," says Sean, kissing her lightly on the lips.

"Ooooh," jokes Craig.

"Shut it," says Ellie.

"Make it short. We have to warm up," replies Craig.

"It won't take long," promises Sean. "Can we go somewhere?"

"Kinda have to play," says Ellie. "Sorry. Is it real important?"

Ashley peers over her keyboard, Jimmy, Marco, and Craig intently listening. Great, an audience before the actual audience, thinks Ellie.

"Nah...nah," says Sean. "They can hear. Um, your mom invited us over for Christmas. Egg nog. Nice, right?"

"Awww, cute," says Ashley.

Ellie's brow wrinkles. That didn't sound like her mom to her. She wasn't as bad as Heather made her out to be, definitely, but there had to be some gimmick. Mrs. Nash hated Sean a few days ago. What changed?

"We're not going," says Ellie.

"El, I think we should," says Sean. "It took a lot for her to invite me."

"It's...it's too fishy."

"Sounds nice to me."

Too nice. Oh, now it's starting to make sense. She just wanted her to come home, so she could control her some more. She'd treat Sean horribly, then make Ellie stay. Didn't Sean see that? What was he doing talking to her anyway?

"It's all some scheme!" exclaims Ellie. "And you...you talk to her behind my back?"

"You didn't tell me not to!" shouts Sean.

Jimmy hits the cymbal, glances at Marco.

"Round one goes to Cameron," he whispers.

Craig covers his mouth, tries to hold in a laugh.

Ellie pays them no mind. "You're supposed to be on my side, not hers."

"Round two to Nash," whispers Marco.

Jimmy hits the cymbal again.

"Stop it!" shouts Ellie, shooting them an annoyed stare.

"What...what sides?" stammers Sean. "This isn't some war. I mean, it doesn't have to be. Let's go over there..."

"Things were going smoothly and..."

"Ellie, let's go. Come on. I'm tired of hiding, sneaking around. You got sick because of it."

Who is he to tell her what to do? Was he the one that had to sit through her mother boosting up every boy but him? He didn't have to live with her, or deal with her. She was trying to make it easier for him, but no, here he is making it harder.

"Well, I'm tired of you," whispers Ellie, urgently. "You can't tell me what to do. After the show, getting my stuff and leaving. If I'm going back to her, I'm going on my terms, not yours or hers. Mine."

"Ellie, I'm not forcing you to..." begins Sean.

"You're forcing me to take action, right? Either way, I'm going to her. You get your wish, Sean. I'll let you and her talk about it, since you decide what I get to do."

"This is stupid!" exclaims Sean.

Ellie walks over to her drumkit, hits the cymbal. "Fight's over. You're done."

Ellie sits behind her drumkit, refuses to look at Sean. Sean throws up his hands, walks out of the auditorium angrily.

I don't care, she keeps saying to herself. I don't care. Alright, I care, but he can't go behind and do stuff without my permission. This was an issue between her and her mom, and part of her wants to shelter her from that, from whatever she's sure her mother is planning to do to break them apart.

"What did we just witness?" asks Ashley.

"Nothing!" snaps Ellie. "Let's warm up."

IV.

Toby twirls his keys in his hands, enters the auditorium that is getting busier and busier. He meant to come a little earlier, but he wasn't sure when Manny would arrive. He's nearly run over by Sully and Peter moving a piece of sound equipment to the other side of the room.

"Watch it, Isaacs," says Sully.

He sighs, goes to the backstage area, hopes that no one's undressed. Luckily, J.T. spots him, walks to Toby.

"Come to see me make a fool of myself?" whispers J.T. "All in the name of love for a pregnant president with a penchant for telling me I'm irresponsible."

"Basically," lies Toby, smiling. "No...I'm here to talk to Manny."

"Oh, are we making up for the night we arranged?"

"Going to ask her to work at the store while Clara and I go to camp."

"Because that message is so something Manny wants to hear," says J.T., smirking.

"Clara paid for me to go to camp, J.T.," informs Toby. "I can't not go. And Christian could use the help."

"Ah, Clara strikes again," says J.T. "Well, if you change your mind about staying, I bought a ticket for my grandmother, who had to hit the hospital for one of her patients' emergency surgery. She won't be back in time, and the seat's right next to Liberty's."

Stay at the show and watch Manny in the dress they bought together, her smiling and being fine while he's so torn up inside, acting alongside Nate, the guy she might like more than him? No thanks.

"Not staying," says Toby, shrugging.

"Fine," says J.T. "Manny's at the mirror."

"Thanks."

"Time to transform into a game show host," sighs J.T., grabbing a tie.

Toby awkwardly walks past a few contestants, some raising their eyes at him. The shorter he could make this, the better. He spies beautiful, smooth dark hair hanging down to an exposed back in a red dress and knows he's found her. It reminds him of that night when they danced; she was in red that evening too. The night they kissed. The moment kept replaying in his mind, that night, so many nights afterward, never fading when he wanted it to. She looked wonderful then, and wonderful now.

Manny starts to put on one gold earring, glancing into the mirror, then stopping, obviously having seen him.

"Umm...um, sorry," says Toby, looking to the side.

"No...no, it's fine," says Manny, a smile spreading across her face.

Toby faces her. He has to to ask her. Otherwise, he's not sure he can.

"Christian...," begins Toby. "Christian needs..."

Manny gives him a puzzled look, still smiling. Even confused, she was stunning.

"I forgot what I was going to say," admits Toby, grinning.

"Why?" asks Manny.

"Looking at you..."

"Yes?"

"Looking at you made it go away."

Manny blushes, tucks her hair behind both ears. He can see the necklace he gave her on the playground. It glows against her skin.

"You still wear that?" says Toby.

Manny takes it into her hands. "All the time."

Wow, thinks Toby. He can't believe he's never noticed. Then again, they had spent the last few days avoiding each other or focusing on what was real and what might not be real.

"Are you staying for the show?" asks Manny. "I want you here."

"Uh...Manny, you don't need me here," says Toby. "I meant what I said weeks ago. You'll win because you're you, and you is...pretty irresistible."

Manny beams. "Toby, I didn't say need. I said want."

She wants him there? Man, she was pulling out all the stops here without knowing it. He'd been there for her all this time, so why should tonight be different? So tempted.

"I want to...," says Toby.

Manny nods encouragingly.

"Um, I want to ask you to work at the store," says Toby, gulping. "Christian needs help. Clara and I are going to camp, so he'd be the only one there. And you're the ideal candidate."

"The ideal candidate," repeats Manny, looking him up and down.

"Yep," says Toby.

"Are you excited about it?" asks Manny.

"Huh?"

"The camp," says Manny, reaching for his hand. "I hear it's really good."

"Yeah," replies Toby, his eyes brightening. "There's technological wizards there. State of the art equipment. Could make some good contacts. And I sound...nerdy, so I'll stop."

Manny smiles. "Sounds like me when I was researching agents."

"And...Clara's excited too," says Toby.

Manny lets his hand go, frowns. "Yeah, she loves that stuff too."

"She was the one that paid for me to go," says Toby. "I told her I needed the money."

Toby's taken aback when he sees Manny's frown deepen, her eyes shifting.

"Excuse me," says Paige, shuttling in between them with her stilettos. "Manny, Tellman briefing before the show."

Toby gently takes Manny's hand, hoping that would make her smile. I really hope she wins, he thinks. He kisses her on the cheek.

"Good luck, Manny," he says.

Manny shakes her head, still sad to his disappointment.

"Toby, I don't think she paid for it," says Manny.

"What do you mean?" asks Toby.

"Tellman wants to talk, people!" yells Spinner. "Isaacs, you gotta leave, man."

Hazel and Darcy rush to the side of the stage, Emma following, grabbing Manny's hand. Manny throws a look back at Toby, as Emma gets behind her. The backstage grows dark, with J.T. heading to the group.

"Ticket," says Toby, stopping J.T., opening his hand.

"Cool," says J.T., presenting him with the ticket. "You changed your mind. Hopefully, you figure out why on earth they chose Spinner as emcee."

"I only need to figure out one thing," replies Toby, glancing at Manny one more time, then heading for the door.


	33. Vogue

**XXXIII. Vogue**

"Okay, so opinions?" asks Jimmy, taking out a large sheet of posterboard from behind an amp.

He holds it up for the rest of the Squatch to see, and Ashley smiles. It's a wonderfully drawn, charcoal rendering of Hazel in a tiara, sash, and lavender gown. He'd given her eyes an extra sparkle, and a bright smile to match. Underneath, he'd written the words: Hazel Aden, Miss Degrassi.

"Hazel couldn't possibly turn down Cali after that," replies Ashley.

"Yep, Christmas with palm trees and movie stars," agrees Marco.

"It's awesome," says Ellie, standing up to evaluate it.

"Awesome and big," says Craig.

"She has to see it from stage," explains Jimmy. "Or else I wouldn't have added the glitter. Man, try being a guy and asking your mom to buy you glitter with a straight face."

They all laugh, Ashley staring warmly at Craig. This had really been their only communication since she changed her look, or rather, went back to her old look. There were awkward glances, missed moments since they were ignoring each other, her running away when he called her name. We're right back to where we were when I returned, she thinks. But she isn't sure how angry Craig is with her, or if she's ready to hear what he has to say. He appeared pleased with her then, and even tonight, when they were unloading Mr. Del Rossi's van, which they borrowed to transport all the equipment. He tossed her a few amused glances, went back to carrying pieces of Ellie's kit.

It may have helped that she was wearing a very familiar dress, one of the few dresses she stowed away, the dress when she and Craig played prom. It wasn't the dressiest of dresses, with its polka dots and form-fitting belt, especially when she knows all the girls onstage would be looking like Oscar nominees, but it still fit her nicely and matched her coat. Ellie wore a nice, simple black dress so she didn't feel alone.The Squatch guys were in very nice suits, Jimmy in grey, Marco in blue, who smoothed down his hair to rock a fedora, and Craig in basic, but classy black.If they were on an album cover, Ashley thought Craig would look the best, and she returned those amused glances every now and then. Ellie kept poking her, teasing her on the ride there, mouthing the word "hot" and nodding her head towards Craig.Ashley pushed Ellie lightly to the side, Ellie smirking, glad that Craig was up front with Mr. Del Rossi.

"Tim sighting!" announces Ellie, breaking into Ashley's thoughts.

"What?" cries Marco.

They all shift their heads, and Tim is indeed coming into the auditorium, chatting animatedly with Nate, garment bag slung over his shoulders.

"Drama club hotness," assesses Ellie, winking at Marco.

"And I'm wearing this stupid hat," groans Marco, about to take it off.

"Leave the hat on," instructs Ellie. "We'll go over and say hi."

"Okay, just because all of you are in relationships or semi-relationships or relationships where you don't know if you're in a relationship doesn't mean I'm ready," says Marco. "I'm...I'm not."

"Greetings are not relationships," says Ellie. "Come on. I need something to take my mind off a certain other guy that wandered in here tonight."

"Craig!" begs Marco.

"We're already set up," says Craig, shrugging. "And we have fifteen minutes. Your call."

"I'll...I'll say hi to him," stammers Marco. "The polite thing to do."

"Good," says Ellie, grabbing Marco's hand.

"You're not still infected, are you?" questions Marco, as he and Ellie head off.

"Going to tell Nate to tell Haze to look out for my sign," says Jimmy, beaming.

Jimmy rolls over, and Ashley sits behind her keyboard, folds her hands together. Craig, also obviously anxious that they're alone, sets down his guitar, moves his microphone stand to the left. Ashley moves her legs up and down, the stool under her squeaking a bit. She chuckles timidly when Craig glances over at her.

"Nerves?" says Craig.

"Yeah, if I'm like this, just imagine how the girls in the pageant must be feeling," says Ashley.

"I couldn't do it," says Craig, shaking his head. "Strut around in front of a bunch of people, answer questions about random stuff."

"Who are you rooting for? I'm on team Paige, I guess. Hope Hazel does well, though."

"Mmm, team Manny. She deserves to be happy."

Ashley's lips tighten at the sound of Manny's name, and Craig wrinkles his forehead.

"I mean, happy for herself, not with me," he adds quickly.

"Oh," says Ashley, her eyes brightening. "Well, meanwhile, you're forcing me to sing Backstreet Boys. Not exactly happy with that."

Craig licks his lips. "Punishment for your dog peeing in my closet."

"No!"

"Yeah, she did, and was proud of it too. Angie's trying in vain to potty train her."

Ashley buries her head in her hands. "Sorry."

"When you come home to Toronto, maybe she'll have it down," says Craig, smiling sadly.

The festival seems so far away, but in only a matter of months, she would be gone. She had hoped that she and Craig would be in a steady relationship, but like Marco said, pretty much all their relationships were uncertain or undefined right now. That's certainly not what she wanted.

"Craig, that's not all I'm sorry about," says Ashley.

The auditorium door opens again, this time more people streaming in, actual audience members Ashley believes, watching Liberty, Snake, Spike, and several others come in. Craig hurriedly joins her behind the keyboard.

"What else?" whispers Craig, bending down.

"Your savings gone, because of me," says Ashley. "Putting down the apartment, ignoring you, acting self-involved. Not sorry I'm in love with you, if that counts any."

Craig grins, rests his head against the side of Ashley's. She enjoys the feel of it, the nerves beginning to disappear.

"You picked the worst possible time to say this, Ash," sighs Craig. "If I kiss you, I won't be able to concentrate."

"I'm not always so good with timing," says Ashley, turning her head, directly facing Craig.

"I can be pretty good at it," says Craig, leaning in.

"So can I," says a sharp voice, both of them turning to view Kate Kerwin.

"Mom!" cries Ashley, backing away from Craig. "You're...you're here. What are you..."

"I came to watch my daughter play," explains Kate. "Toby told Jeff about this thing, so I thought hearing your music before you went off to London would be good. Of course, it's not her music, is it, Craig? What is it, boy bands and preteen girl anthems?"

Ashley wishes she could slink under her keyboard, and disappear. Craig clears his throat, unable to speak.

"Mom," sighs Ashley.

"She sounds great on them, Ms. Kerwin. Whatever song...," he says finally.

"Oh, I know she's going to sound wonderful," interrupts Kate. "She always does. But I know she'd really appreciate having more time to do her own songs. You said you were good at timing? How about being a good boyfriend, backing off, and supporting her this time? That may be a foreign concept in the world of Craig, but Ashley's trying new things, so why not you?"

It isn't that warm in the auditorium, but the temperature of Ashley's forehead has definitely risen. Okay, yes, she understands that her mother wants her to focus on herself more, but assaulting Craig wouldn't do any good. Kate frowns at Craig, walks over to Jeff, talking to Snake.

"She has no right to...," starts Ashley.

"She's right," interjects Craig.

"Craig!" exclaims Ashley. "What...what is this? Ellie redux? You're siding with my mother?"

"No, I'm supporting you," says Craig. "Same as your mom. You and her are saying the same thing, about your music, so yeah, figure I should respect it. Last year, didn't respect your decision and look what that cost us."

"It cost us _us_,"says Ashley, softly. "Craig, I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"To leave. I'm afraid you'll fall out of love with me. I left, you found Manny, then Ellie was an option..."

"Ellie was never an option. She's a friend."

"Okay, maybe not them. But you said you can't trust me, and you think I've changed, and..."

Ashley stops talking, takes a huge breath, starts to cry silently. Craig was right. Bad timing. All of this. This was the last place she felt like talking about this, minutes before a gig she thought would be light-hearted. Who could sing fluff with all this heaviness in their heart?

"I'll wait out the changes," says Craig, wrapping his arms around her. "Whether it's how you dress, or wear you go, or where we live, go to college."

Ashley strokes his arm, then wipes a tear away.

"In case you haven't noticed, my life's one fun roller coaster too," he continues. "Me being in love with you? That's what's not going to change. It's our safety bar."

"What?" laughs Ashley.

"On the roller coaster," says Craig. "I'm trying to be metaphorical. Hello? Two songwriters here."

"Okay," says Ashley, smiling.

He takes his hands off her. "That's why we should take a break, until you do your own thing."

A break, thinks Ashley. A break? That's what she said before she went off to England. As far as she's concerned, the word "break" is a slap in the face. Craig never said that to her before. A break?

"Break," whispers Ashley.

"We always get through them, don't we?" says Craig, grabbing his guitar.

Yeah, she has to admit, grinning at him.

"We do, don't we?" replies Ashley.

"I always come back for more Ashley," says Craig, smiling at her.

"And I always come back for more Craig."

II.

"You always enter stage left," says Mrs. Tellman, partly through her briefing. "Stage right is always the exit, just like in the rehearsals. The opening and dance routine are the only exceptions, as we have girls coming in at the same time. Should there be an emergency, the fire exits are..."

Manny is halfway listening, puts her hands behind her back. If I constantly move, won't get nervous, she thinks. She used to do this before gymnastics competitions and cheerleading, but her father had never been to those. He'd be here tonight, watching, hopefully not judging, enjoying what he saw. Her mother and J.J. would love her regardless, but him? She silently wonders if she has the most at stake tonight, though she can't say for sure. Emma wanted dignity, J.T. the attention of the agent (probably more than her), Hazel to carve out an identity...yeah, those were noble intentions. If she can make it through the night, and have her dad and Alyssa enjoy themselves, that will be enough. Thankfully, that thought calms her a bit.

"What were you and Toby talking about?" whispers Emma.

Way to bring back the tension, Emma, groans Manny inwardly.

"Nothing. He just thinks Clara paid for his camp," whispers Manny.

"You didn't tell him?"

"No. I got flustered and...you pulled me away."

Emma blushes. "Oops, mishap."

Man, when he said that, she felt like all the air left her body, like she'd topple down in her heels and sit on the cold floor the entire show. Worst was him hinting that he wouldn't be there. She always thought he'd be in the audience cheering her on, but no, he'd rather go off with Clara to Kytel, leave her at the store where she and Toby spent all that time together. Manny massages her forehead.

"Why do I get the feeling there'll be more mishaps tonight?" sighs Manny.

"Mishaps!" exclaims Heather, overhearing Manny. "Um, yeah, Mrs. Tellman. Maybe you should go over sabotage again? Someone kicked dirt on my clogs. They've lost their sheen."

"Especially for the more innocent girls," adds Darcy, eyeing Emma suspiciously.

"Dusty clogs do not outweigh my sash being screwed up," argues Paige. "If sweet potato didn't stitch me a new one, I'd be out."

"Who cares what Gay-T does, okay?" says Heather, rolling her eyes. "This isn't home ec and your sash still looks trife."

"Really mature, Heather," says J.T. "Slightly more than the little girls on my show."

"Trife like your over-rouged face?" says Paige.

"More powder for your over-sized honker, Michalchuk?" asks Heather.

"Heather, Paige!" chastises Mrs. Tellman. "I won't tolerate any fighting. One more word and you won't go on. I understand we're all nervous, but this is an event for a positive cause and to show Degrassi in a positive light. You all want that, right?"

"Yes, Mrs. Tellman," says a chorus of voices, Manny nodding in agreement.

"Good," says Mrs. Tellman. "Girls, J.T., take your places."

They all line up in order, Manny inhaling, than exhaling. Emma looks over her shoulder.

"Your dad's going to so love you more after this," says Emma, smiling.

Manny hugs her from behind, grins.

III.

Voices flow across the room, as Toby enters, notes that pretty much everyone has taken their assigned seat. He rushed home to change, pulled out one of the suits he wore for synagogue, since the ticket said formal attire. When he was taking out the white dress shirt, black jacket and pants, then the dress shoes, he kept telling himself that he wasn't getting ready for anything special. Or anyone special. The last time he got ready for anything special was in the store that night, the flowers on the table, the candles lit. Then, it all ended in a wash, maybe because of Heather, hopefully not because of Manny. Ugh, why did he always have this hope, especially in her? There were things that Heather said that were more than possible, and he wasn't around Manny twenty-four seven to know for sure, but Manny smiles at him, kisses him and suddenly, the possibilities doesn't matter anymore.

He spies Snake and his father talking, Snake apparently showing off the features of his video camera. Then, he sees Liberty, wearing a loose, long-sleeved, dark blue dress, a dress that tried hard to hide her five month pregnant figure. It probably was for the best J.T.'s grandmother didn't come, especially since she was a nurse and could tell.

"Hey, Liberty," greets Toby, sitting down next to her.

He hands the usher his ticket, looks up at the stage, the emptiest he's seen it since all the preparations began weeks ago.

"Toby, you're looking dapper," compliments Liberty.

Dapper? Leave it to Liberty to use a practically archaic word, thinks Toby, shrugging.

"Thanks," says Toby. "Excited to see J.T.?"

Liberty laughs. "Excited? No. However, I am slightly intrigued, especially since J.T. bought my ticket."

"We have good seats," says Toby, hoping that'll aid J.T. in some way. "Right at the end of the runway."

"True," says Liberty. "But you're here instead of his grandmother? Why?"

"His grandmother had to go to the hospital," explains Toby.

"You're not here for someone?" says Liberty, smiling. "A mutual friend of ours? A mutual friend that's becoming more than a friend, at least in your case?"

"What?" says Toby, turning red.

Liberty smirks. "Yeah, alright, Toby, play it cool."

"J.T. told you?"

"Nah, I've heard gossip around the pageantry. Also heard there's someone else in the wings that would like to take her place."

"She has strong feelings," admits Toby. "I don't know how...the other person feels."

"Word of advice," says Liberty. "Love and confusion are soulmates. We get caught up in the mess."

"I'm really confused now," says Toby. "Someone paid for me to go to this camp, not sure who. Clara makes the most sense. She knew I needed the money, invited me..."

"Well, I know who paid for me to be here, but was surprised," interrupts Liberty, adjusting her glasses. " Maybe you'll be surprised too. And in some weird way, I know it's cause J.T. cares. That's earning him some credit."

He smiles, looks behind him, views a family walking in that makes him smile more. J.J. grins happily at Mrs. Santos, who holds hands with her husband, anxiously glancing around. Mr. Santos looked a lot less stern in the florescent lights, surrounded by a crowd of excited people. They take their seats not too far from them, Spike, with Jack sleeping on her shoulder, and Snake sitting right in front of the Santoses.

"Manny's dad is here," says Toby.

Liberty turns her head, grins. "Awww, that's sweet. Maybe the tide is starting to turn."

"Toby!" squeals a voice from down the aisle.

"Appears you have a fan," says Liberty, as Alyssa runs in their direction, her mother apologetically staring after her.

Toby stands, waves to Alyssa, who wears a pink dress with small, fake roses circling the waist. He holds out his hand, and she gives him a high five.

"Still drawing?" asks Toby.

"Yeah," replies Alyssa. "I'm getting good too. That's what Manny says. I'm wearing her favorite color. See?"

Alyssa twirls around in her small heels.

"Nice," says Toby. "She's going to be really glad you're here."

"Not as glad as she'll be when she sees you," says Alyssa. "She's been sad at the center lately, but you can cheer her up, like you did with us. You're good at making her feel good."

Sad? Toby lowers his eyes, not sure what Alyssa is talking about. Sad about her dad perhaps? Yeah, that made the most sense.

"Alyssa Janelle!" calls out Alyssa's mother.

"Gotta go," whines Alyssa.

Alyssa trudges slowly to her mother, Toby taking his seat again. Liberty is talking to Mrs. Hatzilakos in the seat next to hers. He doesn't have much time to think about what Alyssa said, however, as his cell rings. J.T.'s number.

"Hey," says Toby.

"Is Liberty there?" asks J.T., not bothering to say hi.

"Yep."

"Is she like mad?"

"Uh...kind of."

"Is she like your parents catching us watch porn mad or me telling you about our sex life mad?"

Toby sighs. "I don't know how to evaluate her madness, J.T. She's...annoyed, I guess."

"How annoyed? Like annoyed when me and her...," begins J.T.

"Don't you have to go on in a sec?" says Toby. "Great. I'm annoyed now."

"Oh...right," says J.T.

"Good luck, man."

"Thanks. Well, then, try not to drool over Manny too much, mkay?"

"Shut up," says Toby, then clicking off.

IV.

Lights dim, the backstage darkening, the only shimmer coming from the sashes on each girl. Darcy bows her head, mouths a prayer. Paige shakes herself. Hazel crosses her fingers. Spinner gets behind Manny, squeezing Emma's hand on the way.

This is it, thinks Manny. This is really it.

Loud music comes through the amplifiers, and she can hear the strum of Craig's guitar, a keyboard coming in next, followed by a drum kicking in. The Squatch sounded great, better than they did at Diane's sister's wedding. Ashley's familiar voice cuts through the music:

_Look around everywhere you turn is heartache  
It's everywhere that you go_

_You try everything you can to escape  
The pain of life that you know_

Manny peers over the heads of the contestants, sees Paige compose herself, than walk out onstage, apparently without a care in the world. The audience cheers loudly, as another girl positions herself in the spot where Paige previously was. She walks out, followed by another girl.

_When all else fails and you long to be  
Something better than you are today  
I know a place where you can get away  
It's called a dance floor, and here's what it's for, so_

_Come on, vogue  
Let your body move to the music _

_Hey, hey, hey  
Come on, vogue  
Let your body go with the flow _

_You know you can do it_

She knows that at the end of the runway, they'll have to do a pose, presumably because it's the only real photo opportunity the audience will get, since the rules on the program state they can't take pictures during the actual pageant. Danny, Derek, and Clara were capturing the whole thing on video, if anyone wanted to purchase it. She's glad she told Spike about it, though she didn't tell her mother or father. Oh well, at least they were here. She smiles at Emma, drums lightly on Emma's back to the beat of Ashley's singing.

Hazel walks out, to the loudest cheers she's heard yet. That makes her less nervous about choosing a cocktail dress rather than a business suit.

_All you need is your own imagination  
So use it that's what it's for (that's what it's for)  
Go inside, for your finest inspiration  
Your dreams will open the door (open up the door)_

Heather comes out next, and Manny's more pleased that the cheers die down almost immediately. Emma glances back at Manny, smirking. Manny shakes her head. Darcy follows, after throwing back her hair. J.T. stares down at his lapels for a bit, then realizes that he's next, goes onstage, throws his hands up in the air to a lot of hoots and hollers.

_It makes no difference if you're black or white  
If you're a boy or a girl  
If the music's pumping it will give you new life  
You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it_

_Come on, vogue  
Let your body groove to the music _

_Hey, hey, hey  
Come on, vogue  
Let your body go with the flow _

_You know you can do it_

If he wanted attention, he's definitely getting it, thinks Manny, as the hollering gets more intense. The line is getting so close that Manny can hear more individual voices, including Danny yelling "Yeah!" as J.T. poses.

One voice I won't hear is Toby's, thinks Manny, but that's alright. Her dad would be here, unless he bailed out. Manny's stomach gurgles, and she stops drumming as Emma goes forward. Emma steps out, smiles widely, to fairly loud applause. At the side of the stage, she views Spike standing, taking a few pictures with a pocket camera. Jack sits on Snake's lap as he films with his camcorder, perhaps the quietest she's seen Jack, though he did look a bit sleepy.

"Go Emma!" yells Snake.

Emma puts her hands on her hips, tilts her head, and exits the stage.

Manny's heart beats widely, knowing she's up. She blows out a breath, steps into the spotlight she always loved. Pink light showers her, shines in her eyes. It takes awhile for her sight to get back to normal, but it does and she walks down the runway.

_Beauty's where you find it  
Not just where you bump and grind it  
Soul is in the musical  
That's where I feel so beautiful  
Magical, life's a ball_

_So get up on the dance floor_

_Come on, vogue  
Let your body move to the music _

_Hey, hey, hey  
Come on, vogue  
Let your body go with the flow  
You know you can do it_

_Vogue  
Beauty's where you find it  
Vogue  
Beauty's where you find it_

Manny poses, putting her hands on her hips, to applause that hurts her ears. Spike is still up, taking pictures, Snake recording.

"Yay Manny!" yells a girlish voice.

Manny spots Alyssa and her mother, a few more kids from her class, beams, glances around for who she wants to see most. Sure enough, right behind Spike and Snake are her mother, J.J., and her father, who stands slowly. Please don't leave, thinks Manny. Please don't leave. The pageant hadn't even really started yet, and he's not liking it?

Joseph opens his suit jacket, takes out a small camera, puts it to his eye, and presses the button. Manny can feel tears at the back of her eyes, but knows crying would ruin all the make-up she worked so hard to get right.

"Manuellita!!" yells J.J. "Yeah, that's my sister!"

Manny's smile grows even wider than she anticipated. Her mother claps excitedly. Ah, so going to cry backstage, thinks Manny, heading for the exit. She gets behind Emma again, drying her eyes, then the contestants enter from both sides of the stage to end the opening and introduce Spinner. Paige holds a microphone at the front of the line.

Jimmy's bass does a few more runs, as Ashley says into her microphone, the contestants strutting back onstage to the music. They line up in a straight line, Paige and Heather parting in the middle.

_Ladies with an attitude  
Fellows that were in the mood  
Don't just stand there, let's get to it  
Strike a pose, there's nothing to it_

_Vogue, vogue_

All the contestants gesture to Spinner, who arrives at the close of the song, his tuxedo nicely creased in all the right places, microphone in hand.

"Ladies and gentleman, your emcee for tonight's festivities," says Paige into the microphone. "Gavin Mason."

Spinner's met with a round of healthy applause, all the contestants joining in. Manny is honestly happy for him. It was all so different from last year, when Spinner was shunned, depressed. Tonight would be a really good night for all of them.

"Thank you, Miss Michalchuk" says Spinner. "Some wonderful young women we have here tonight, eh, Toronto?"

Loud cheers meet him, Danny whistling.

"Before I go on, let's meet your contestants, shall we?" says Spinner, as the girls head offstage.

It's the last thing Manny hears, as they all go to different places for their introductions, and "The City of Blinding Lights" starts to begin. She's less anxious now, knowing that they're there, all of them...except Toby. Well, he'd want her to still do well, she knows.

Paige is first out the gate again, putting on her best smile again. Manny can hear all the introductions, even as she bends her head to check her shoes.

"Good evening, Toronto!" says Paige, when she reaches the end of the runway. "My name is Paige Michalchuk, and what I love most about Degrassi is that it's a community devoted to education and tradition."

Yeah, those really padded answers, sighs Manny. Hazel's always sounded the best in rehearsals, mainly because of that book. Manny came up with something that sounded fairly decent, but she concentrated more on her scene. Besides, she wanted her answers to be natural, not that Hazel's commitment wasn't commendable. Just like in practice, Hazel gave a really good introduction.

"Good evening, Toronto!" says Hazel. "My name is Hazel Aden, and what I love most about Degrassi is that when an issue confronts our community, we pull together in the face of adversity."

The crowd applauds wholeheartedly, apparently in full agreement.

"Good evening, Toronto!" says Heather. "My name is Heather Sinclair, and what I love most about Degrassi is that no matter how different we are, we appreciate and love students for who they are."

"Yeah, right," whispers Emma, nudging Manny.

Darcy says something sweet about Degrassi being more like a family than a school, and J.T. replies with an answer about how Degrassi values every student's individuality, again met with a round of whooping from the boys in the audience.

"Good evening, Toronto!" says Emma, after walking to the end. "My name is Emma Nelson, and what I love most about Degrassi is a student's right to speak and think for themselves."

The audience claps loudly for that one too, Manny going out next, passing Emma on the way. Emma throws her a big smile, Manny walking to the microphone, glad that the lights have died down to a nice amber shade.

"Good evening, Toronto!" says Manny. "My name is Manuella Santos, and what I love most about Degrassi is that it honors creativity and commitment."

Manny looks around anxiously, and the applause grows louder. She glances down, sees Liberty giving her the thumbs up, then looks to her side. Toby grins at her. Toby's here. Manny blushes, happy that the light is no longer pink or else she'd be the most pink person on the planet. She nods at him, her stomach twisting, almost in a pleasant way, then walks off.

V.

"Shouldn't have had that breakfast burrito," groans J.T., then letting out a burp.

"Gas isn't what's making me self-conscious right now," says Paige, letting Emma zip up the back of her dress.

"What is?" prompts Emma.

"Hair waves were in front of face while making intro," says Paige, grabbing her lip gloss and applying some.

Paige leaves Emma to retrieve her sash, Manny tapping Emma on the shoulder.

"My reason for feeling self-conscious...sitting at the end of the runway," whispers Manny.

"I saw," says Emma, winking.

"Can't believe he came," says Manny, resting her head on Emma's shoulder.

"It's standard Toby," says Emma, stroking Manny's hair. "Come on. Let's finish getting pretty."

Manny finds a comb, starts to run it through her hair, watching Heather approach Paige.

"Your waves remind me of these girls I saw in L.A. when me and my mom went," speaks up Heather, straightening her dress, a sparkly black number with ruffles at the bottom.

Is Heather being nice for once, thinks Manny. Manny has to admit it's the fanciest dress of the bunch, most likely the most expensive too. Heather brushes back her hair proudly.

"Really?" says Paige, softly. "Like models?"

"No, these girls were in the red light district," says Heather. "Where the prostitutes hang out. Lucky your dress looks pretty Pollyanna or else they'd mistake you for a call girl."

"Tellman said...," starts Emma.

"Tellman's not here, is she?" shoots back Heather. "Oh well, time to strut to Ashley's wannabe rocker voice."

Heather waits with a couple of other contestants by the stage. Manny says nothing as Paige seethes behind Heather's back. Paige starts to speak, but Emma shushes her.

"They're announcing the winner for best personal style,"whispers Emma.

Everyone perks up their ears, Hazel crossing her fingers.

"And the winner is," says Spinner. "Oh, cool, dude! Um... sorry. Miss Emma Nelson."

Emma squeals excitedly, jumping up and down. Manny hugs her, jumping as well.

"What!" exclaims Heather. "Oh wow. Thank goodness it's only ten percent."

"You're just jealous," says Manny.

"Not even," says Heather. "Just embarrassed that Emma got the lowest prize you can get. Too bad it's not an oral sex bracelet, right, Em?"

"I'm not honoring you with a response," says Emma. "You _are_ jealous."

They all hear a door clattering, Darcy storming in. Derek trails her with a video camera.

"Jealous?" shouts Darcy. "Jealous! You're the one who's jealous!"

"This is gonna be good," whispers Derek.

"Darcy, chill," says Manny.

"No, I won't...I won't chill," says Darcy, thrusting her lime-green gown in Emma's face. "You did this, didn't you?"

"Did what?" asks Emma.

Darcy unfurls her gown, the sequined bodice on top totally fine, but the lime green skirt at the bottom meticulously shredded, as if by costume scissors.

"You said I was going down!" yells Darcy. "Didn't she say that, everyone? I guess this is your way of taking me out, huh? There's no way I'm going out in this dress. They'll see my gouchies. I mean, they're pretty panties, but no. So there, you win."

"Darcy, it wasn't me!" says Emma, her eyes shaking.

Darcy throws down the gown at Emma's feet, begins unclipping the diamond studs in her ears.

"I'm already out, got nothing to lose," says Darcy, balling up her fists. "Come on, Em. Let's go. Come on!"

"Do it old school, baby!" shouts Derek. "The catfight we've been hungry for. Danny's so gonna regret missing this."

"And take me out with you?" blasts Emma. "I don't think so."

"Oh, I know," says Darcy. "I'll go outside and meditate about what a backstabbing, stupid, slutty witch you turned out to be."

"Or you could go pray and finally get a clue that Spin wasn't interested in you as much as he was me!" exclaims Emma, getting in her face.

"Ladies, such charm, really," says Heather. "Darcy, we'll mourn the loss of your pathetic excuse for a dress later, and Emma if you're going to belt her, do it outside. Evening gown competition's about to start."

"Heather has a point for once," says Manny, getting in between Emma and Darcy. "Darcy, I'm sorry, but when have you two ever let a boy make you come to blows? Trust me, fighting's not worth it."

Darcy harrumphs, clutches her earrings in her hand. Emma looks at the floor, then awkwardly says: "Darcy, sorry for criticizing you."

"Same," says Darcy, softly. "Just so...mad."

"We'll find out who did this later," says Manny, patting Darcy's shoulder.

"I'm ruining this for everyone," says Darcy, starting to cry. "Girls, good luck."

"Awww, Darce," says Hazel.

Hazel, Paige, and a couple other girls walk over to Darcy, surround her in a group hug.

"Gag, enough love," comments Heather. "Paige, you're up."

Paige breaks away from the hug, as Ashley's keyboard starts back up.

"So grateful I chose black instead of lime green," says Heather, sighing happily. "Or Pepto Bismol pink like Manny."

Manny rolls her eyes, leads Darcy away from the group.

"Are you okay?" asks Manny.

"You have to win, Manny," whispers Darcy. "If it's Heather, I'll die. We'll all die."


	34. Spotlight

**XXXIV. Spotlight**

_Spotlight, shine bright  
Tonight, spotlight _

No one knows you better than you know yourself  
Do the thing you want don't wait for someone else  
Life is just a party that's all you need to know  
It's your turn to shine baby let yourself go

Everybody is a star  
Everyone is special in their own way  
So you set your goals high and go far  
Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today

Spotlight, open up your eyes and see  
Spotlight, shining out for you and me  
Spotlight, this world is yours and mine  
Spotlight, this is your chance to shine

Don't stand in the corner waiting for the chance  
Make your own music

_start your own dance  
When you feel the rhythm, I'll be by your side  
Now you have the power baby love is on your side _

Everybody wants to shine  
Don't stand in the sideline, step into the light  
But it's got to come from inside  
Listen to your heart and step into the

Don't be afraid to fall  
I'll hear you when you call  
And I'll be right here by your side  
Don't be afraid to try

Everybody is a star  
It's got to come from the heart  
Spotlight, this world is yours and mine  
Spotlight, this is your chance to shine

Everybody wants to shineDon't stand in the sideline, step into the light  
But it's got to come from inside  
Listen to heart and step into the light

Everybody is a star, you know who you are  
This is your chance to shine  
It's got to come from the heart, do it right from the start  
And step into the light

**Portion of What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful) is the property** **of the Backstreet Boys.**

**Portion of Shoop is the property of Salt N' Pepa.** For Nicole

The cool night air seeps through a crack in the window of Jay's Civic. In the community center parking lot, his hoodie pulled over his head, Sean hunches down in the carseat, hears the steady hum of heat coming through the vent. Jay licks his lip suggestively as he gazes through the windshield.

"Definitely a seven," remarks Jay, as a redhead in a short skirt walks by, and into the door.

Sean groans. He's beginning to regret taking up Jay's offer to take him here. What he regrets more is talking to Mrs. Nash, because apparently Ellie didn't embrace the idea. For some strange reason, he thought she would go with it. After all that embarrassment at the party, confusion in his room that halted their chances of sleeping together, running to him, she cut down any chance of mending ties with her mother? He definitely wasn't trying to control what she did, although he supposes it could've read that way, and yes, she was right that either way she'd eventually end up at her mother's. That seemed to be the theme of this whole reunion– confusion. For him and her, especially her.

"Break for Ten is a really dumb game, man," says Sean, folding his arms.

"No, it's not, dude," says Jay. "So far, it's been a bunch of fives to sevens, not terribly disappointing, since they're all bundled up. But soon, man, soon, I know a ten's walking by."

"Whatever," sighs Sean. "I suppose Alex was a ten."

"No, Alex was an eleven," corrects Jay. "Slammed the brakes when I first saw her, convinced her to let me give her a ride. But since she's in there, watching Paige twirl around in pastels, I'm powerless. That is, until I bring Miss Ten in to make her jealous."

"Jay, she wasn't interested at the party, during the ski trip..."

Jay silences him by putting a finger to his mouth, points, and they both view a very pretty blonde in a leather jacket, aviator sunglasses, and high heels.

"The ten has arrived," whispers Jay, nudging Sean.

"Why is she wearing shades at night?" asks Sean. "I don't know. Something doesn't seem right."

"Look, man, we can both get into this thing. You can talk to El, act like the good boyfriend, doing your usual pure-hearted, I-want-what's-best for you garbage that unfairly gets you two hot chicks with E.N. initials. Me, I'm either walking out with Alex or enjoying hot girls sweating under spotlights."

Talk to Ellie? Shoot, Jay could always find the one attractive thing in any scheme.

"Alright," mutters Sean. "Break for the ten."

"Breaking," says Jay, switching the car off.

They both climb out of the car, Sean sliding down his hood to look less intimidating. The girl in the leather jacket keeps peering around and around, clearly lost. Jay's forehead wrinkles as he glances over at Sean, then back at the girl.

"Hello," greets Jay.

"What...who is that?" says the girl, putting her hands in front of her, feeling Jay's face.

"Wow, contact in the first few minutes," says Jay. "Getting better at this whole flirtation thing."

"I can't...can't see," complains the girl. "Mom! Mom!"

"Um...guy here. Definite guy here," informs Jay, giving her a puzzled look.

The girl screams, goes up a step, trips a little, but Sean manages to catch her.

"You okay?" asks Sean.

"Hmmm, well, you feel nice," says the girl, grinning.

"Katie Sinclair!" snaps a voice, another woman in sunglasses appearing, also using her hands as guides.

The girl manages to get herself out of Sean's hold, straightens herself up.

"Stupid Lasik!" moans Katie, then beaming. "But I found boys!"

"You're the one who kept whining to get it with me," says Mrs. Sinclair. "We're sorry, boys. Incompetent driver just dropped us off without caring where we went. Could you help us to our seats? My daughter Heather is competing."

Heather Sinclair, thinks Sean, having the impulse to throw up. Yeah, if he was Heather's mom, he wouldn't go around announcing it. Jay appeared to have similar thoughts when Sean glanced at him, but as usual, he turned on the Hogart smoothness.

"Why ladies, we'd be more than glad to show you to your seats," says Jay. "What are ushers for, anyway?"

"Ushers?" says Katie. "But we're...we're outside."

"First class treatment for latecomers," lies Jay. "Of course, since your vision is off, maybe it would be wise to stay with you during the whole show, provide a rundown of the visuals."

"I'm not sure," says Mrs. Sinclair, touching Jay's cheek, as if that would give her an indication as to whether he's lying or not. "Katie, do you know these boys?"

"Names?" prompts Katie.

"I'm...Sean, Sean Cameron," replies Sean.

"Oh, Sean Cameron!" cries Katie. "Yeah, he saved the school last year! Remember the shooting? Heather actually paid him a compliment so I didn't forget."

"And...and you?" asks Mrs. Sinclair, pinching Jay's cheek.

"Sven, ma'am," offers Jay. "Just transferred from Norway."

"Where's your accent?" questions Katie.

"My parents made me get rid of it," says Jay, quickly. "Anyways, shall we enter? The show has already begun."

Katie smiles, eagerly takes Sean's arm, and Sean throws her a pathetic smile. Mrs. Sinclair loops her arms with Jay, as they walk up the steps and to the front of the auditorium.

"Tickets?" asks a bewildered usher, as he stares at the four of them.

Yeah, I bet we look odd, thinks Sean. Still, if this could get him in to see Ellie, it's a small price to pay. Mrs. Sinclair produces two tickets.

"There's...there's four of you," stammers the usher.

"Are you blind?" says Mrs. Sinclair, clearly annoyed. "It's obvious we require your ushers. There aren't any empty seats?"

"For the press, yes, but...," begins the usher.

"They can stand. Journalism is an occupation where you have to tough it out, make do. But I'm a model..."

"Former," interjects Katie.

"Former well-known model whose daughter is a contestant," continues Mrs. Sinclair. "Twenty-five bucks for you to comply."

The usher twists his mouth, nods. "Eh, I don't care."

Mrs. Sinclair hands him the money, and the four of them start down the aisle, Sean peering over heads to catch sight of Ellie. Studying a piece of music, her head is bent so she can't see him. The crowd murmurs around him, and it's apparent they're setting up for a new segment. It's probably just as well that Ellie's busy. He'd have to catch her during intermission, if there was one. He hurriedly scans the program before sitting, thankful that an intermission isn't that far away. They all sit, Katie not letting Sean's arm go. He gently pries Katie off of him.

"Sorry," says Katie, breathily.

"It's...it's fine," says Sean.

Mrs. Sinclair sets her purse down next to her chair for a minute, holds the program up to the light as if that would do her some good in reading it. Jay pretends to yawn lightly, drops his arms down, picks up the purse, starts to go through it. Sean reaches over Katie to hit Jay with the program. Jay rolls his eyes, lets the purse slip out of his hands.

"Heather better not screw up," says Mrs. Sinclair. "That dress cost a pretty penny."

"I'm sure she'll do fine," offers Jay.

"Here's hoping, Sven," says Mrs. Sinclair.

"Who?" asks Jay, looking around.

"You're...you're Sven," replies Katie.

Sean hits his forehead lightly with his hand.

"Oh...oh, I thought you said, Sean," covers Jay. "Whoa, our names so similar."

"Tell me a little about Norway, since we seem to be in between the action, Sven," instructs Mrs. Sinclair. "How do you like the Four Seasons there? It's quite stunning."

"Yeah, autumn's beautiful, man," answers Jay. "Like the leaves changing and stuff."

"I meant the hotel," says Mrs. Sinclair.

"Aw, yeah, just some humor, ma'am," says Jay. "Listen, if you had been going out with this guy for like three years, wouldn't you want him back, even if he like cheated on you? Like you'd want him to fight for you?"

"I believe in fighting for what you want," answers Mrs. Sinclair.

"And I bought Lexi a wifebeater for Christmas she ain't ever gonna get!" exclaims Jay.

"A wifebeater? What is that? That doesn't sound like an appropriate gift for a respectable girl, Sven. I'll give you some designers to look up. Giving someone good clothes are the way to any girl's heart, just ask Heather and Katie."

"Dude! You know where I can get some Pamela Anderson threads for her?"

"Oh, yes, I've met Pamela Anderson."

"Sweet," says Jay.

The intermission can't come soon enough, thinks Sean, as Katie scoots closer to him.

II.

"I heard there's some emergency!" exclaims Mrs. Tellman, rushing into the backstage area so fast she almost smashes into J.T. "Told the band to stop."

Paige and Heather, already set to go on, throw each other annoyed stares and walk down to Mrs. Tellman. Manny, Emma, Hazel, and everyone else gather around Mrs. Tellman as well. Manny wouldn't say so, but the mutilation of Darcy's dress unnerved her, and glancing at all the faces of the others, she knows she's not the only one. Who would so savagely tear apart a dress? Darcy is explaining in full detail what happened, thankfully leaving Emma out of it.

Manny hears light footsteps behind her, views Nate practically tip-toeing to her, obviously not wanting to disrupt.

"What's going on?" whispers Nate.

"Darcy's dress got slashed," whispers Manny. "She's out."

"Brutal. Well, if she wants a shoulder to lean on, I'm here."

Manny smiles at him. Yeah, I bet you'll be there, she thinks.

"I'm terribly sorry, Miss Edwards," comforts Mrs. Tellman. "We will do a thorough investigation after the proceedings and reimburse you for the dress."

"No," says Darcy. "I want all the money to go to the center if it can."

"That's very thoughtful of you," says Mrs. Tellman, hugging Darcy from the side. "I'll have Gavin announce it."

Spinner reappears backstage, throwing Emma a congratulatory grin. Mrs. Tellman pulls him aside, starts conversing with him.

"So are you ready to knock 'em dead, Anne?" questions Nate.

"As ready as I can be, Gilbert," answers Manny. "Thanks again for this. How'd you swing this anyway? Your mom looks like a mom that won't budge, no offense."

"Uh, yeah," says Nate. "Kept pushing that you didn't have a partner, and she gave me conditions. One being, I agreed to take these stress relief pills prescribed by Dr. Meadows to help with my imagined trauma. It's not so bad. Less worried than all of you."

Nate digs in his pocket, produces a bottle of white pills, Nathan Booth clearly typed on the side, to show to Manny.

"Yeesh," says Manny.

He places the bottle on the table. "Ah, well, anything for the theater. Going to get Victorian."

"Nate, you're a true leading man," compliments Manny.

"Yeah, um, just make sure to tell Darcy that," says Nate, winking at Manny.

Manny walks back over to the group, lines up after Emma, who looks way more antsy now than she did before. Mrs. Tellman had finished, with Spinner reappearing in front of the audience, receiving light applause.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that due to some unfortunate circumstances, Darcy Edwards will no longer be in the running," says Spinner, the girls and J.T. looking at each other nervously.

The announcement is met with a lot of loud gasps and a moan of anguish, perhaps from Darcy's mother.

"We wish to thank Darcy for her commitment and grace during the last few weeks," says Spinner.

Loud cheers erupt, with the girls applauding lightly, Hazel rubbing Darcy's shoulder.

"Some grace," mutters Heather, after Mrs. Tellman turns her back to show Nate to a closet where he can change. "She nearly throttled Emma."

Who was she to attack someone else's grace? She's the last person that should do that, thinks Manny.

"Focus on yourself," counters Manny. "Can't be too hard since you do that all the time."

"Pink makes your head look extra round," says Heather. "Meant to tell you that at prom last year, but too late. Clara's sure to catch it all on camera, that is, when she's not snogging Toby."

Manny throws her hair back, shakes her head. Luckily, Tellman had left the area sometime before her exchange with Heather.

"Cut it, you guys," remarks Paige. "This part of competition is all about being composed and classy, so yeah, actually have a shot at this."

"Or me," says Hazel, smirking.

"Were there hints for this in your little book too?" asks Paige, glaring at Hazel.

"Why'd I sign up for this again?" moans J.T. "Crazy ladies on parade."

The lights dim again, and Manny's glad. Sure, they were all nervous, but all the snarky comments were getting tiring.

"Sorry for the disruption," says Spinner. "And now our contestants will be judged on their elegance, poise, and stylishness in our evening wear competition..."

"In other words, the opposite of Manny," says Heather, fluffing up her hair.

Manny balls up her fists, takes a deep breath, unfurls her fist. She wouldn't let Heather psyche her out. Nope.

A sweet melody comes past the curtains, Ashley's keyboard starting up for what seemed the millionth time, though it was only the second time.

"Miss Michalchuk," introduces Spinner.

Paige appears onstage in her light blue gown, made of satin and tulle, the picture of poise in Manny's humble opinion. She's so winning this, she thinks, as the crowd claps loudly. Heather comes out next, and she receives louder applause.

"It's the dress, not her," whispers Emma to Manny.

True, the dress was a definite showstopper, Manny catching sight of carefully designed, beautiful black ruffles swaying on Heather's waist as she walks forward. If mine is a miracle dress, hers is heaven come to life, she thinks. But she did like hers, and Toby kissed her while she was wearing it, and that made her feel like she could at least go out there. In fact, it makes her feel like she could go out there and shine.

III.

"Loved Paige's choice," comments Liberty, fanning herself with the program. "Heather's...well, hopefully she loved her choice, because it looks like it cost tons."

Toby nods, as Heather swishes to the left and right for Mrs. Hatzilakos, Colleen Dale and Mr. Vance, the judges seated in the front row, along with Toby and Liberty.

"Ugh, Heather," whispers Mrs. Hatzilakos. "Move it along."

Toby and Liberty grin at each other, Liberty covering her mouth to try and hide it.

Hazel, in a pretty lavender gown that demurely shows off her bust, exits, nearly bumping into Heather, but manages to make it past her without a collision. A couple other blonde contestants Toby doesn't know make their way onto the stage, Ashley's vocals giving them confidence and Craig's guitar strumming as they walk.

"Here comes J.T.," says Toby.

J.T. comes out onstage to uproarious applause. He wears a nicely tailored, black tuxedo with a silk, light blue tie he borrowed from Toby. His eyes go directly to Liberty, and he smiles widely. Toby glances over at Liberty, who bites her lip to keep from smiling. The happiness eventually comes through, Liberty beaming. J.T., apparently pleased with her reaction, strolls off the runway, head raised high.

Emma appears next, sheathed in a form-fitting, white gown with a tulle top and satin skirt. Toby thought she looked more comfortable in her khakis, which is probably why she won the personal style award, but he's not so sure she'll win this too.

"Looks a bit terrified," whispers Liberty, shrugging.

Emma disappears backstage, as Ashley starts a new verse. Toby sits up, aware of who's next. Not too long ago, the image of Manny in the dress he paid for depressed him, since Heather insinuated that she used him to get it. But tonight, with the knowledge that Manny wanted him to be there, he's actually anticipating it. Anticipating it like their first kiss, their first date.

Manny steps out, the purple-tinted spotlights illuminating her black hair, her brown eyes shining. Toby didn't think it was possible, but the gown looks more gorgeous than ever. His heart beats widely under his dress shirt. The sequins glitter as if they were proud to be across Manny's waist, the pink silk bottom shimmering, her dark pink heels lightly brushing the runway. Ashley sings:

_You don't know  
How you touch my life  
Oh in so many ways  
I just can't describe  
You taught me what love  
Is supposed to be  
It's all the little things  
That make you beautiful to me _

As Manny goes further up the runway, impressed gasps sound, the applause enthusiastic. She turns to the left, then the right. Yes, thinks Toby. Manny's right. It's a miracle dress. She looks down at him, her face glowing as bright as the spotlights.

_What makes you,  
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me  
What's there inside you, shines through to me  
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need  
You're all I need, oh girl  
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me_

"Wow," whispers Toby, blushing.

Apparently, Manny understands what she says, because she winks. Liberty nudges him, chuckles to herself.

With a final spin, Manny walks away, several guys in the audience standing and clapping. One of the guys he's pretty sure is Manny's older brother. The applause dies down, the music stopping, Spinner returning. The judges write down a few things, then hand Spinner a piece of paper.

"Whoa, gorgeous, aren't they?" says Spinner into his microphone. "Myself, I've never been one for strapless. Got man shoulders, you know."

His joke is met with polite laughter, but Liberty seems to enjoy it more than most, laughing louder. A few people, including Alex, stare at her.

"He's good," says Liberty, nodding her approval.

"Yeah," says Toby, dryly.

"And now for the winner of the evening wear competition," says Spinner, then opening the envelope.

"Come on, Manny," mumbles Liberty.

"Uh-oh, we're shaking things up a little," informs Spinner, grinning. "The winner of the evening wear competition is Miss Manuella Santos!"

The audience responds wildly, hollering, crying out their agreement.

"Proud of your girl?" asks Liberty.

"Well, she's not mine," replies Toby, shyly smiling. "But yeah, very."

IV.

"Have they announced who won evening wear yet?" asks Hazel, slipping a leg through her blue leotard.

"I don't think so," replies Emma. "But it's so hard to hear."

Manny is sort of grateful that it is. Dark blue leotards, the costumes approved by Ms. Hatzilakos, were being tossed everywhere, as toes tap on the floor, trying to practice a final time before the dance number. Todd goes over the steps with J.T. for a final time, J.T. trying to relieve the situation by cracking jokes about having to cover his eyes, which distracts Todd. She feels bad for Todd, seeing as she knows J.T. is throwing in the towel during the next segment. At least the two guys talking was giving them enough time to change. Normally, J.T. had to cover his eyes, and she wasn't sure he covered them all the way either.

The sashes would be off, so they wouldn't act as a hindrance, but the lights were definitely blinding during the rehearsal. It could very well prove disastrous, if someone faced the wrong way, couldn't see, or made a big mistake.

"Where's my bling?" asks J.T., after Todd leaves the area.

"Be worried about your lyrics, man," says Danny as he and Derek come through the door.

J.T. locates a huge, gold chain with a dollar sign symbol at the end of it.

"Ah!" says J.T. "Liberty, prepare to be dazzled. First dance, classy. Second dance, brassy."

"You ain't dazzling without us, dude," says Derek. "Let's hurry up and get this over with."

Derek sizes up Heather, as the three of them pass.

"So mean, but such a nice bod," whispers Derek behind her back.

"My mom's here," whispers Heather to herself, groggily going past Manny. "She didn't tell me, but she's here."

She notices Heather's hands shaking as she tries her best to put her hair in a bun. Being nervous about a parent being out in the audience? Boy, could Manny sympathize.

"I'm good with buns," offers Manny, shrugging.

Heather sighs, her eyes wet. "It has to be neat."

"Fine," says Manny, getting a couple hairpins, unfurling Heather's attempt at a bun. "Have more pins?"

"Yeah," says Heather, grabbing her purse.

Her hands are shaking so bad, the purse falls over, and things fly out. Her keys, some hairpins, her wallet, and a bottle of pills are on the floor. Manny bends down to retrieve some of the things, her eyes going over the bottle.

"Sleeping pills?" whispers Manny. "Why would you..."

"I'm sure you sleep more soundly at Casa de Simpson, but some of us don't have Zen-like, _Full House_ households, okay?"

Manny remembers that Paige said something about Heather's father being an alcoholic in the washroom, decides not to nag her anymore. Besides, they were going on any minute. She feels a tap on her head, and stands upright. Darcy does a very weak Cabbage Patch, though Manny's glad Darcy appears happier.

"Guess who won evening gown?" says Darcy.

"Who?" demands Hazel, overhearing her.

"Manny Santos!" exclaims Darcy, putting an arm around Manny.

"Me...me?" stammers Manny.

"Whatever!" says Heather, rolling her eyes. "What is going on? Did Manny or Emma sleep with that old fart Vance or something, bribe Mrs. Dale?!"

"Heather, come on," says Manny.

"My mother paid so much for...you know what, never mind," says Heather, after taking a huge breath. "I'll just wow them in talent. And don't touch my hair, Slutos."

Heather bats Manny's hand away, goes to the mirror to finish her hair. Manny sighs, puts all of the items in Heather's purse on a table.

"Somebody say talent?" says Nate, coming into the room.

Manny hears a collective sigh cross the room. Nate is handsomely dressed in a dark blue, Victorian suit with lapels, a double-breasted black vest, his blonde hair neatly combed.

"Yep," says Manny. "In about thirty minutes, we're showing what we've got. And you look great."

"Thanks," says Nate, throwing Darcy a longing look. "Um, hi Darcy."

"Hi, Nate," says Darcy, appearing a bit apprehensive. "Uh..going to say good luck to Hazel."

Nate shrugs at Manny, checks his watch.

"Make a move at the afterparty," whispers Manny as Darcy leaves.

"She's still getting over Spinner," says Nate. "I get it. In happier news, time to pop a pill."

"Aren't we a couple of pill poppers?" says Heather, grabbing the things from her purse. "I can show you where to get quality water."

"Okay," says Nate, following Heather out.

Manny finds Emma stretching out, amidst the raucous.

"I'm stupid for dancing back to back," moans Emma. "Sweat will ruin my make-upI Totally screwed up in evening gown. Shoulders slouched, not confident at all."

"Now's the perfect opportunity to redeem yourselves," soothes Manny. "And I...um, kinda, unbelievably won evening gown."

"Manny!" cries Emma, happily. "So deserved. You and Toby picked a real winner. It fit you so well."

"I was hoping me and Toby would fit too," admits Manny. "Fit better than the dress."

V.

The dance number, to everyone's relief, goes swimmingly. From his seat, Toby could still tell that Emma was worried, while Manny grew more and more confident. Manny shimmied the hardest, popped and locked the hardest, made it all look so easy. It thrilled him. He could understand why, though. Her family is there, Alyssa and the kids in her class are there, and the audience was falling for her as much as...well, as much as he'd fallen for her. As far as he was concerned, Manny had it in the bag. The girls and J.T. end with a flourish, their arms stretched out to the audience.

"Yeah!" yells Jimmy, holding up his Hazel sign. "Aden!"

Hazel beams at Jimmy, twirls her hair. The contestants leave, and the audience talks for a few minutes, before Spinner jogs out, sweat visible on his forehead. Toby mentally pats himself on the back for not being onstage. It looks like a lot of hard work. Nah, Manny could do it, but him?

"Alright!" praises Spinner. "Good job, ladies. Oh, sorrry...and J.T. Now, for the talent round, the line-up will be different, to meet every contestant's individual performance needs. First up is Mr. James Tiberius Yorke, performing an original stand-up routine."

The audience politely claps, Toby smirking. Liberty groans, crosses her arms. This was going to be good, entertaining at the very least. J.T. had been bouncing the lyrics off of Toby for a couple days now, and he knows it will get quite the response. However, J.T. seemed more occupied with Liberty's response, which was nice to see.

Spinner exits, J.T. coming on, with his dress shirt hanging out of his pants, a backwards basketball cap on his head, a gold chain hanging down to his belt, also loose. Mrs. Tellman shrieks. Toby laughs. Liberty's mouth hangs open.

Derek and Danny walk onstage, Derek pressing play on a CD player he's holding.

"Yo...yo, come on, Degrassi!" yells J.T. "Let's get crunk...come on. Get up!"

"Yeah, man!" shouts Sully, brushing dirt off his shoulders. "Do it for the men!"

A couple of guys next to Sully stand, wave their hands in the air.

"For my lady...yo, yo, for my lady!" continues J.T., waving his hands in beat to a thumping hip-hop song. "Liberty Van Zandt, in da house!"

Liberty covers her mouth.

"Ho!" yell Danny and Derek in unison.

"Salt N' Pepa...what goes betta? Total opposites, come off so clever! Double o's...bring it back to the nineties, bring it back, turn me up, baby baby!" yells J.T.

"Ho!" yells Danny and Derek again.

"_Here I go, here I go, here I go again. Girls, what's my weakness_?" raps J.T.

"Men!" shout Derek and Danny, waving their arms.

"_Okay then_," raps J.T., throwing his hat to the side of the stage.

"Woo!" shouts Derek.

"_Chillin', chillin', mindin' my business  
Yo, Salt, I looked around, and I couldn't believe this  
I swear, I stared, my niece my witness  
The brother had it goin' on with somethin' kinda...uh  
Wicked, wicked - had to kick it  
I'm not shy so I asked for the digits..."_

Toby moves his head to the beat, glancing at Liberty, who rubs her eyes as if she's in somedream, then stares back at J.T. as if in a trance, an expression of amusement on her face. J.T. strolls down the runway, patting down his hair as if he has an afro. Craig and the rest of the band cheer as Liberty laughs, harder than she did at Spinner's jokes. Danny and Derek shout in time to the music:

_Shoop shoop ba-doop  
Shoop ba-doop  
Shoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doop  
Shoop ba-doop  
_

J.T. begins to take off his jacket, some heads appearing in the curtain behind him. Toby sees Paige, Manny, Emma, and Todd peering out.

"No, little Irishman!" yells Todd, his cheeks reddening. "No!"

"Wooo, go J.T.!" yells Manny, dancing along, pumping her fist in the air.

J.T. throws off his jacket, pats his butt lightly as a few girls squeal happily, rapping the next verse.

"_Ummm, you're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the back  
Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that  
Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie?  
If looks could kill you would be an uzi  
You're a shotgun - bang! What's up with that thang?  
I wanna know how does it hang?  
Straight up, wait up, hold up, Mr. Lover  
Like Prince said you're a sexy mutha-  
Well-a, I like 'em real wild, b-boy style by the mile  
Smooth black skin with a smile  
Bright as the sun, I wanna have some fun  
Come and give me some of that yum-yum  
Chocolate chip, honey dip, can I get a scoop?  
Baby, take a ride in my coupe, you make me wanna..."_

He hops off the stage, the whole audience rising to their feet to get a better look where he's going. Sully raises his hands to the roof, the band clapping loudly. J.T. walks quickly to Liberty's seat, takes her hand.

"You make me want to shoop, Liberty," says J.T. into the microphone. "So?"

Toby laughs, Liberty turning a thousand shades of red.

"No answer?" says J.T. into the microphone, then putting it in Liberty's face.

Liberty sighs. "I do like your big butt, you idiot."

"Yes!" shouts J.T., helping her stand.

Liberty throws her arms around him, then backs up to kiss him, J.T.'s mouth moving softly with hers.

"Yeah, J.T.!" shout Manny and Emma in unison.

"Tuck in your shirt," says Liberty, letting his lips go.

"Oh...yeah, sorry," says J.T., tucking it in.

He then hands the microphone to a bewildered Ms. Hatzilakos.

"I guess he's out," says Ms. Hatzilakos, as J.T. grabs Liberty's hand and they trudge up the aisle.

The audience cheers, Mrs. Hatzilakos shaking her head as she giggles. Toby has to give J.T. props. That was one of the funniest and nicest things he'd ever done.

"Go ahead, Gavin," says Mrs. Hatzilakos. "Let's see some talent."

"Okay?" says Spinner. "Um, well, our first contestant then is Heather Sinclair, doing a traditional Irish dance to..."

Toby lets Spinner's voice subside, sees Liberty forgot her purse next to her chair. Trying to make as little noise as possible, he grabs it, sure he can find her somewhere, probably backstage with J.T. He doesn't have far to go, as J.T. and Liberty are making out in the middle of the hallway.

"My favorite song," says Liberty, stopping momentarily to catch her breath. "Well, song I'd never admit to being a favorite."

"Uh, sorry, but you forgot this," says Toby, awkwardly going up to them.

"Tobes!" says J.T., wiping his lips. "Hey. Um...sorry about the PDA. But prop closet, mysteriously taken."

The prop closet door is closed, and he's sure the last time he was in here with Manny, the door didn't lock.

"Hmmm," says Toby, walking over, trying to pry the door open.

"What's up?" asks Darcy, approaching them. "Wanted to hang what's left of my dress in there."

He hears a thud, finally manages to get it open, a body toppling forward. Nate lands on the floor, moaning incoherently. They all exchange worried glances, J.T. and Toby kneeling next to him.

"Dude, is he drunk?" says J.T.

"Nah, he was fine before the dance number," says Darcy, propping his head up on her lap.

She lightly taps Nate on the face, and Nate snores.

"Wake up, Nate!" cries Darcy. "Wake up!"

Nate stirs. "Pretty...pretty voice."

"Aw, thank you," says Darcy, beaming. "I like your voice too."

They all stare at Darcy, clearly annoyed.

"What?" says Darcy. "It's the only compliment I'm getting tonight."

"What happened to you, Nate?" asks Liberty.

"Pills...pills," moans Nate. "So tired."

J.T. goes into the closet, returns with a bottle.

"Stress pills," says J.T., reading it.

"He told Manny's he's on stress pills," informs Darcy. "Oh, but...but Heather...I saw these other pills. What if she gave him something?"

"Sounds very Heather-ish," agrees Liberty.

Nate twists a bit, falling right back to sleep in Darcy's lap.

"We have to do something, or Manny's...Manny's done!" exclaims Darcy. "Nate's out of it. What...what are we going to do?"

"We aren't going to do anything," says J.T.

"J.T.!" shouts Toby. "She's worked too hard to be out. Darcy's right."

"No, I mean, _we_ can't do anything, but_ you _can," says J.T. "Toby, you know the lines, the blocking, the gestures."

"And no talent, J.T.!" protests Toby. "It won't be good. I'll fumble the lines, trip onstage..."

"Toby, just pretend you're at Student Council," interjects Liberty. "Like you're making a speech."

"You make the good speeches," says Toby. "I help with the background stuff mostly."

"Alright...alright...pretend it's the video store," stammers J.T. "You said it was easy to talk to her there."

"Yeah, but...," begins Toby.

"And Gilbert's in love with Anne, so that shouldn't be a stretch," says Darcy. "You do love Manny, don't you? Now is not the time to be timid, Toby. Are you a man or a microchip?"

"A microchip?" says Toby, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I was trying to think of something smaller than a mouse. Anyways, if you can do it, you have to do it."

"Darcy, stop badgering him," says Liberty, leading Darcy away so they can help Nate.

"What are you going to do, man?" asks J.T.

Toby glances at the floor, afraid to face J.T. Of course, he loves her, or else he wouldn't even be considering it, and yes, he's definitely considering it. But Heather said the agent was wowed by Nate and Manny, or maybe that's a lie too. The picture of Manny frowning, crying because she'd get cut over this, be unable to perform for her father, made his head throb, more than the pulsing beat of J.T.'s nerdy, but romantic performance.

"If you can be a nerd tonight...," says Toby, sighing. "And Manny needs me so..."

"Yes!" whispers J.T. "Okay, I'm thinking the vest will fit you. The rest..."

J.T. walks over to Nate, begins taking off his jacket.

"J.T., what are you doing?" cries Darcy.

"Strip him, ladies," says J.T. "All is fair in love and acting."

Liberty starts to unbuckle his belt, Darcy undoing his shoes.

"I owe you a dance for this," says Darcy, lightly kissing Nate's forehead.


	35. I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You

**XXXV. I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You**

_I've heard so much about you!  
I'm amazed for I'm only an actress (a soldier)  
Nothing to shout about (One of the thousands)  
Only a girl on the air (Defending the country he loves). _

But when you act, the things you do affect us all.

But when you act, you take us away from the squalor of  
The real world--Are you here on your own?

Yes, Oh yes.

So am I--what a fortunate coincidence. Maybe you're my  
Reward for my efforts here tonight.

It seems crazy but you must believe  
There's nothing calculated, nothing planned  
Please forgive me if I seem naive  
I would never want to force your hand  
But please understand  
I'd be good for you.

I don't always rush in like this  
Twenty seconds after saying hello  
Telling strangers I'm too good to miss  
If I'm wrong I hope you'll tell me so  
But you really should know  
I'd be good for you  
I'd be surprisingly good for you.  
I won't go on if I'm boring you  
But do you understand my point of view  
Do you like what you hear, what you see, and would you be  
Good for me too?

I'm not talking of a hurried night  
A frantic tumble then a shy goodbyeCreeping home before it gets too light  
That's not the reason that I caught your eye  
Which has to imply  
I'd be good for you  
I'd be surprisingly good for you

**Author's note: The scene excerpt in this chapter comes from the TV miniseries _Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel_, adapted by Kevin Sullivan. All characters are the property of the author L.M. Montgomery.****I own nothing related to the scene (dialogue, characters, plot), and nothing has been changed.**

_  
_"I see London, I see France, I see Toby's underpants," says J.T., airing out Nate's coat. "What are those, Triple Five Soul boxers?"

Toby rolls his eyes, unbuttons the trousers, which were actually a tighter fit than they'd thought, slides them down. He guesses following his heart meant getting a hernia, as he struggles to get them on again. He and J.T. had retreated to the prop closet for him to get ready, Liberty and Darcy dragging Nate to the costume room where an usher kindly unlocked the door for them. None of this actually seems to be happening in Toby's mind. Adorning the double-breasted vest and dark blue frock coat that J.T. passes him, straightening the silk-faced lapels,staring at his own shoes since Nate's wouldn't fit. Hopefully, she wouldn't get marked down for the shoes.

"Glad to see you're enjoying this," replies Toby.

"I am, but not as much as Manny will," says J.T.

The closet door parts a bit, Darcy sticking her head in.

"Man, I'm changing in here!" cries Toby.

"I highjacked the script Nate left backstage," says Darcy, handing it to J.T.

"Oh, good!" says J.T. "Who's onstage now?"

"Paige," replies Darcy. "You've got a bit of time before Manny. After you hear the final roar of Emma's chainsaw symphony, that's it."

"Time for a refresher's course, Tobes," says J.T., flipping through the script. "It's nice that it's not too long."

Darcy begins to close the door, then pops her head back in.

"Darcy!" whispers Toby, urgently.

"Sorry," says Darcy. "I forgot this. Liberty said this might make you look more authentic. Janitor said we could borrow it for a bit."

She presents J.T. with a pocket watch. J.T. nods admiringly.

"My girl's got taste," he assesses.

Darcy looks Toby up and down. "Aww, you look so cute, Toby. Like a nerdy Johnny Depp in Interview with the Vampire, only shorter...and with no pants."

"Uh, thanks," replies Toby. "Are you done now?"

"Yeah," laughs Darcy. "Good luck."

"You memorized tons of info for that quiz game show," reminds J.T. "This can't be nearly as bad."

Toby yanks the pants up one more time, and they manage to fit around his waist. He buttons them, takes the watch from J.T., clasps it to the vest. Finally, J.T. hands him the script and to his relief, he does remember most of it. Emma's direction and advice filter into his brain. Part of him knows he can do this. Over the last few weeks, there'd been several times when he could talk to Manny normally, so much so that he might say that he knows her as well as anyone can, minus her family and Emma. The more reluctant part of him sees so many people out in the auditorium. He'd been sitting there earlier, after all, listened to all the noise, thought how scary it must be for Manny and the others.

"Yeah, but that's dry data," says Toby. "Facts, theories, formulas. Isn't acting about everything else? It's emotion, excitement, energy. I mean, that's why Manny's so good at it."

"All of that's included," agrees J.T.

"So how do I get all of that in less than fifteen minutes?" questions Toby. "I'm totally...totally screwing this up."

"It's also about realism," says J.T., as Toby finishes buttoning his coat. "About things we're afraid to show. I mean, I'm going off what Kwan says, but it makes sense."

"Afraid to show the audience that I don't know what I'm doing."

"No, you're afraid to tell Manny how strongly you feel, which is exactly what this guy in the play is going through. Just act what you know firsthand. Don't think about it. Become it."

Toby eyes him curiously. "Where...where is the real J.T.?"

"Here telling you to get a grip," says J.T., pressing the script into Toby's chest. "And leaving you to study."

"Fine," says Toby.

J.T. opens the door, runs right into Mrs. Tellman.

"What was that display, Mr. Yorke?" demands Mrs. Tellman.

"Uhh, first-rate poseur rapping?" supplies J.T.

Mrs. Tellman sighs, dragging J.T. away from the closet.

"The ladies loved it! Booty-shaking and all," insisted J.T., Toby hearing his friend's voice echo down the hall.

"Oh," says Toby, smirking, starting to read the script. "There's the real J.T."

II.

Spike's hair help is a major timesaver, thinks Manny, pulling on her grey skirt over her petticoats. With clothes that were so hard to put on, worrying about her hair would've caused extra stress. She assumed Nate would be hanging around by this point, but perhaps he was chatting up Darcy. No matter. He was a nice guy, and the attraction of performing in front of Colleen Dale and a supportive crowd was too good for him to consider bailing.

"Thank goodness for no corsets," mumbles Manny, pressing down her shirt collar.

"Like you'd wear it," says Heather, proudly putting her clogs near the make-up mirror. "You're more of the loose, unbound variety."

"I'm not wearing a bra under my leotard either," says Emma, squinting her eyes at Heather.

"If you let 'em hang too much, you'll have to lift 'em later," comments Heather, pointing to her breasts. "Small tip from a model's daughter."

Manny takes off her digital watch, notes the time, moans. Where is Nate? Taking a pill didn't take a lifetime. Although, Heather's insults unfortunately made the minutes go by faster. She slides on her heels, with all of them hearing Paige singing in the background.

"Is that a cat dying?" remarks Heather. "Oh, it's Paige warbling. But it can't be worse than Emma's chainsaw massacre seizure, masquerading as dance, or Manny's Razzie-worthy acting?"

"Still haven't won a single event, have you, Heather?" asks Hazel, smiling.

They all chuckle, Heather clicking her tongue, sitting down, pretending to stare at her nails. Manny beams. It was a good day when Hazel of all people shut Heather down. Maybe that book was doing some good.

"And that was Miss Paige Michalchuk, ladies and gentlemen!" they hear Spinner say, applause following Paige as she reenters the backroom.

Hazel takes a deep breath, glances at herself in a flowy green dress in the mirror, waits for Spinner to announce her.

"And now we have Miss Hazel Aden, performing a contemporary dance number to Stormy Weather," says Spinner.

Hazel walks out onto the stage, met by one loud whoop Manny is pretty sure comes from Jimmy. She barely saw the band the times she went out, but she always saw her family and Toby, sometimes Alyssa when the light wasn't blinding. If they didn't like her scene, she'd be crushed, especially her father. Her debut performance in Dracula, no one came. Tonight, everyone's here and expectant and to her pleasure, excited. It almost all seems new, her revealing herself to them for the first time, some type of rebirth, though she wouldn't tell Emma, because knowing her, it'd lead to some deep discussion about yoga or reinvention.

"Ewww," thinks Manny aloud, grinning to herself.

"Manny!" cries a voice from the door. "Manny!"

Nearly out of breath, Darcy comes to her, cheeks flushed.

"Darcy, you have the most adrenaline out of all of us tonight," laughs Manny. "What's up with you?"

"Nate's...Nate's knocked out," gasps Darcy.

Manny can feel numb legs, numb arms, her face starting to go. Knocked out? What? How? When? Oh great, now she felt like Ellie with all those questions, without getting any decent answers.

"Is he...is he alright?" asks Manny, forcing her mouth to move.

"Yeah, he's sleeping...hard," replies Darcy.

"I...this is...this is...," stammers Manny. "Why would he do this?"

"Nate bailed," speaks up Heather, blowing on her nails. "It's so funny how you can't keep a leading man to save your life, Manny. Your back-up gone, your first choice gone...twice. Guess no one wants to be seen with you."

Manny waves her off, turns back to Darcy.

"We think it was sabotage," whispers Darcy. "Sleeping pills, maybe."

"You!" snaps Manny, going over to Heather.

"Me what?" says Heather, standing. "Always trying to blame the major threat, Manny. You've got some nerve with your inflated sense of ego and lack of tact."

Ugh, thinks Manny. Yelling at Heather wouldn't do any good, wouldn't get her partner back.

"Forget this," whispers Manny. "I'm..I'm cut."

"But see we found...," starts Darcy.

What she says is covered by loud applause, as Hazel comes to the side of the stage, squealing. Manny tries to read Darcy's lips, but is enveloped by Hazel hugging her.

"They loved me!" cries Hazel. "Like seriously...loved me."

"Good for you, Haze," says Manny. "Darcy, I..."

"Okay, so now that you know," interrupts Darcy. "I'm going out there to watch you."

"Darcy!" exclaims Manny after her.

"Break a leg!" yells Darcy behind her, scuttling out of the room.

"Nate already broke one," says Heather, smirking. "Ah, the cost of it all. X-rays for Nate's damaged body part, circa a hundred bucks. Cost of Manny's dress, maybe a little more. Kissing Toby Isaacs, worthless for Manny Santos, but good for Clara. Seeing Manny fail miserably, priceless."

"Bid to stick my foot up your bony, skank...," starts Emma, advancing to Heather.

"And next we have an original jazz dance piece entitled 'Acid, No Animals' from Miss Emma Nelson," interrupts Spinner from onstage. "Uh...Miss Nelson?"

Emma crosses her arms, jogs onstage as the first crash from a tree comes from the sound system. Manny glances angrily at Heather for one more second, but she's too depressed to meet her gaze. The opportunity to impress all the people who mattered to her? Gone. The chance to show how much she loved this craft, especially her dad? Gone. The chainsaws begin to rage, and Manny feels just as upset, just as angry, but lets the tears flow instead.

"Manny, what's wrong?" asks Paige. "Don't let Heather..."

"It's not Heather," interjects Manny. "My scene...it's ruined."

"Don't you know any of that stuff from Dracula?" inquires Paige. "Like a line or twelve."

"She can't change it," reminds Heather. "She'll get ousted like J.T., who for a second there, was actually cool."

"I'm still cool," informs J.T., coming into the room. "Manny, go onstage."

"J.T...I can't," says Manny, sobbing.

"Hon, you'll ruin your mascara," says Paige, wiping under Manny's eyes. "Suck it up."

"I don't have a partner," says Manny.

Another tree toppling silences what is coming out of J.T.'s mouth. Why did Emma choose this jungle cacophony? Manny shakes her head, loud monkeys hollering in the background. Paige's suggestion doesn't seem too bad at this point. She did know a monologue from Dracula, and she'd be out of the competition, but at least her dad would see her act.

"I'll...I'll go," says Manny, wiping her eyes, sniffling.

She nods at J.T., positions herself before the stage, sees Emma whirl around two more times as the final chainsaw sounds, the room growing quiet. They were either all befuddled, or enchanted. Low, polite applause follows.

"Greenpeace!" yells Jay.

Manny views Alex snickering in the second row.

Spinner raises the microphone to his lips, but Emma grabs it, puts it in front of her mouth.

"El Salvador has lost ninety-seven percent of its original forest cover," says Emma, Snake's jaw dropping. "Think about it."

Emma throws her hair back, smiles, heads toward Manny.

"Uh...yeah, those are bad numbers, man," says Spinner. "Anyways, we'll take two minutes to set up for our final contestant in the talent round, Miss Manuella Santos."

Manny offers Emma a sweet smile. "Loved the message."

"If they didn't get it, it's their loss," whispers Emma. "Where's Nate?"

"In slumberland, catching z's, playing Rip Van Winkle instead of Gilbert Blythe," whispers Manny.

"No!" breathes Emma. "What are you going to do?"

With the placement of a chair by a stagehand, and then another setting up a fake tree with painted green leaves, and a prop resembling a fake, white bridge, Manny takes a deep breath, already sweating more than she thinks is possible under the bright stagelights. The sound system emits the sounds of the woods, which would accompany the scene. Robins chirp, water rustles. Manny breathes in and out, steadying herself.

"Act," replies Manny.

Emma sighs. "You can do it."

The auditorium quiets, and Manny walks slowly to the wooden chair, glancing out into the audience momentarily. Her mother grabs her father's hand, grinning from ear to ear. J.J. looks on expectantly. Joseph stares in between the heads of the men in front of him. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Alyssa, head resting on her elbows on the empty seat in front of hers. Please help me not to mess up too badly, moans Manny inwardly. With the agent sitting right there. Colleen Dale taps her pen against her lips, eyes furrowed in concentration.

Manny sits, listens to the birds happily singing around her for a second. Originally, the chair wasn't supposed to be there, but Nate thought it would be more dramatic for her to sit, turn and see him coming out, walk to one another, as if it were some unexpected surprise. Mrs. Tellman jumped at the idea too. Now, when I turn, she thinks, I'll see no one, have to go straight into some monologue I barely remember.

She folds her hands together, takes a short, deep breath, turns to her left to see...a shadowy figure? Was it a stagehand? Emma, still hanging in the shadows? Nate? It has to be Nate. Maybe that's what Darcy came to tell her, that she managed to wake him up. Okay, chuck the monologue and get ready, she commits. Time to be Anne, the outspoken, warm-hearted teacher. She cocks her head to the side, indicating for Nate to start.

"What are you thinking about?" asks Toby, coming forward.

Manny swears her hurt jumps to her lap at the sight of him. What am I thinking about? Like she could tell him. Dressed in Nate's clothing, there he was, confidently looking at her from under his glasses, pocket watch gleaming at his waist. He looks so handsome Manny can barely find the words, the dialogue she'd been rehearsing and knows better than the back of her hand. Toby, standing here, putting it on the line for her. She blushes, brushes her face briefly.

No, no, this isn't real. This is a scene. Pull it together, thinks Manny. Pull it together. If Toby can do this, so can she.

"I'm afraid to speak or move for fear that all this wonderful beauty will vanish just like a broken silence," says Manny, turning away from him, face still red.

Manny stands, shyly glancing at Toby, stops in front of the bridge, leans against it.

"Doesn't it remind you of our old school-day picnics?" asks Toby, going to her side.

Manny stares momentarily into his eyes, smiles wistfully. What it really brings to her mind are all the days in the video store where he was so gentle with her, the ski trip where they'd had so much fun. Five years of a great friendship she wouldn't trade.

"Hmmm," replies Manny. "I don't want any of it to change. I just wish I could hold onto these days forever."

Toby smiles at her, softly puts an arm around her shoulders. Manny sighs happily, but catches herself, knows Anne doesn't want this. She can't help but think, though, why doesn't she?

"I have a feeling things will never be the same again, will they?" finishes Manny, frowning.

Things never be the same? There were those instances where she and Toby batted around their potential, if they could ever go back to being friends, if these new feelings would go away. She selfishly wishes both might be the answer, that they would explore them being a _them_, but be able to go back to friendship if it didn't work out. Did that happen...ever? She's sure it has.

"Well, I won't change," promises Toby. "That's the least I can promise you."

It's so convincing Manny has to pause for a second, realize it's Gilbert, not Toby. He won't change? Hadn't he changed his mind, wanted Clara first, then her, or maybe he wanted Clara all along but was pacifying her? Or maybe...no, act, Manny, act, she scolds herself.

"Anne, there's something I want to ask you," says Toby, looking Manny in the eye.

If he asked her to be his girlfriend that night, if he even meant to, she'd know, know for sure. Manny resists the urge to touch him, aware that Anne has to break away at this point.

Manny slinks out of Toby's hold. "Gil, please don't."

"What is it?" asks Toby, gently. "You've been avoiding me all spring, ever since we graduated."

"I never wanted to make you care for me so," replies Manny. "I stayed away so you wouldn't."

Toby stayed away from her for a time during all this, recalls Manny, staring at him intensely. Doubting her, going off with Clara, all because of things out of their control.

"Well, I won't be coming back to White Sands in the fall," says Toby. "Dalhousie Medical School's accepted me."

Manny offers Toby a pathetic smile. In practice, it was a fake one, but here, it's a real, pained smile, because she's well aware that Toby's going off to camp, with Clara, without her. He'd return with a new girlfriend, a girlfriend that matched him better.

"Gil, I'm so proud of you," says Manny, grinning, fighting back tears.

"I'm sorry about last week," replies Toby, taking her hand. "I just wanted to show you how much I care."

His hand sends shivers up her spine, and Manny glances at the floor.

"Now, maybe you don't think I'm good enough for you now, but I will be...someday," says Toby.

Yeah, sighs Manny. She treated him as if he wasn't good enough for her at one point, though secretly she's well aware that he'd make a good boyfriend to a lucky girl. She smiles at him, strokes his arm.

"No Gil, you're a great deal too good for me," says Manny. "But you want someone who'll adore you..."

Toby darts his eyes. Clara, guesses Manny. He's thinking of Clara.

"Someone who will be happy to just to hang on your arm and build a home for you. I wouldn't," finishes Manny.

"Anne, that's not what I'm looking for at all," says Toby, more strongly than she thought he would.

"We'd end up like two crows, fighting all the time," says Manny. "I know we'd be unhappy and I'd wish we'd never done it."

Manny takes her hand from him, lets a couple tears roll down her cheeks. Wish they'd never done it? She wishes it was still happening. The dating, the kissing, being a part of each other's lives instead of having the weight of questions, doubts, sadness.

"Everybody's expecting it," says Toby. "You must feel that."

Manny rests her hands on the side of the bridge to get a firm grip on something, anything. No one expected them to be together, no one. She knows it, and he probably does too.

"Well, then it would be for all the wrong reasons, Gil," insists Manny, swallowing a lump in her throat. "You...you just think that you love me."

Manny sniffles, glances over at Toby, whose face is reddening. What did that mean? The color in his cheeks? Toby takes a deep breath.

"Anne, I've...I've loved you for as long as I can remember," says Toby, placing a hand over Manny's. "I need you."

Her heart begins to go faster, so fast she thinks it might explode from her blouse. Ugh, what was the next line? Okay, good, it's his.

"I can't go away knowing that if I'd just...," starts Toby.

Tell me how you feel, finishes Manny in her head. You can't go away without saying it, Toby. But her line is next.

"I promise I will always be here if you need me," says Manny, taking her hands off the bridge. "Good friends are always together in spirit."

And Manny promises herself that she will be, no matter if he's with Clara, or anyone else. She'd be there. However, these next few words would be hard to say, the toughest to get out for the time being. Didn't Toby realize how tough it'd be to say this?

"Let's not change, Gil," sobs Manny. "Let's just go on being good friends."

Toby fiddles with his jacket, turns away from her, raises his glasses to wipe his eyes. In all of their rehearsals, Nate never shed a tear. Toby rights his glasses, stares at Manny, who is breathless from sobbing.

"Friends, huh?" chokes out Toby. "I thought we were kindred spirits."

Manny puts a hand to her forehead, reaches out for him, feels him in her arms. Toby gently strokes her hair. Kindred spirits? Yeah, they were loyal friends to everyone around them, two romantics who fell for one another, two people who came together awkwardly because of a sweet odd turn of events. And now this. It's like a good-bye, moans Manny. A cold, hard good-bye. So many warm moments slipping from her memory, and here, the most painful hug she'd ever given him.

"Please say yes," says Toby, Manny feeling his breath against her cheek.

"I can't," sobs Manny. "Gil, I'm desperately sorry."

Manny releases Toby, staring apologetically at him, then jogs offstage, lifting her skirts, into the dark shadows Toby came out of earlier. She looks back at him, still crying, as the lights dim, and the audience roars, rises to their feet with applause that touches her and depresses her.

III.

"That was amazing!" compliments Ellie, as the curtain across the stage starts to close. "I may not like Manny all the time, but that was amazing!"

"And Toby!" cries Ashley, as the crowd starts to scamper during intermission. "They have a hard time getting him to say stuff during synagogue, and he's...up there, totally angsty and leading man material? And I thought I changed."

Marco and Jimmy laugh.

"He's the drama club version of Craig," supplies Ellie, winking at Craig. "Angsty, crying over women..."

"Just for that, we're playing Rupaul first," says Craig.

"_Work it, girl, on the runway_," warms up Ashley, softly.

"Bad dreams tonight," groans Ellie, rubbing her wrists before counting off.

"Okay, two songs, we get a break, then we come back with two," reminds Craig. "Countdown, Miss Nash, please."

"Oooh, I get called a miss, even without a snazzy sash," says Ellie. "Thrilled. One...two...three...go."

Ellie hits her sticks together, Ashley running her hands across the keyboard, Marco's bass doing a couple heavy runs. The lagging audience members seem to be getting into the song, despite her hatred of it. She views a couple of little girls pretend to go up and down the aisle, posing to fake cameras, which makes her smile. What doesn't make her smile is the person coming up behind the little girls, hoodie unzipped, staring at her with a nervous grin.

"Sean," breathes Ellie, drumming harder.

"Ellie!" chastises Craig. "We can't hear Ash on keys."

Luckily, Ashley's voice is winning out over her drumming. Ellie lightens her playing, narrowing her eyes at Sean. The song ends with a string of nice keyboard chords from Ashley.

"You better work!" says Ashley into the microphone.

"Yeah!" says Sean with faux enthusiasm. "The Squatch!"

"You better leave," says Ellie.

"Ellie, can we...talk?" asks Sean.

"Do I need to use the cymbal to tell you to leave again?" asks Ellie. "Besides, we have one more song before our break."

"Craig, help a guy out?" asks Sean.

"Umm...sure," says Craig. "Five minutes, then we rock."

"No!" exclaims Ellie.

"Ellie, it won't kill you to talk to him for five minutes," insists Craig, grabbing a bottle of water. "Stop being stubborn."

"Fine," says Ellie. "Before I leave, I think I should tell all of you that Craig here thinks Harry Potter's hot."

"Ouch," says Marco, chuckling.

"What...what?" stammers Craig. "No...I said that chick in Harry Potter was hot. The smart, English girl."

"Yeah, okay," laughs Jimmy.

"It's the girl, man!" defends Craig.

"You've got five minutes," concedes Ellie, glancing at Sean, standing.

"I like hot, smart girls...that come from England," says Craig, glancing at Ashley.

Ellie rolls her eyes, grabs Sean's hand. They arrive in the hallway, people bustling around them, but at least it's in a spot where she can hear him. How'd he get in here anyway?

"You've got some nerve coming in here and...," begins Ellie.

"I'm sorry," blurts out Sean. "Your business with your mom is your business."

Ellie's forehead wrinkles. "That was...that was fast."

"Well, it's five minutes," reminds Sean.

"You take everything so literally," says Ellie. "I would've given you six..."

"Really?" says Sean, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"To tick off Craig?" says Ellie, smiling. "Yeah."

Sean chuckles. "But I do want us all to get along...might be mission impossible, but it...it may work."

Ellie lays her head on Sean's chest, hears a small rattle of metal sliding against metal. She glances down, sees her keyring that she attaches to her waist when she's drumming. Holding it up, she grins.

"My key to your place, right next to my home key," sighs Ellie. "Co-existing keys. Sean and home."

"Not a big believer in signs," admits Sean. "But if it's in our favor..."

"We give it a go," fills in Ellie.

"Three minutes," says Sean, glancing at his watch. "Squashing fights earlier nowadays."

"Eh, you're not the only one tired of hiding from the mom, who I miss...a little. And I don't want to go back in there...band, then more newspaper stuff after the pageant. Break from that room, please."

Sean shrugs. "Go to the washroom? Food?"

"Making out?" offers Ellie, smiling, putting his hoodie over his head.

"Finally, something we don't have to fight about," says Sean, leading her to another hallway.

IV.

It takes him awhile to actually move past the curtain, go into the backstage area where he knows Manny is, maybe mulling over the same things as him. That scene...wow, where did it all come from? Toby grabs hold of the curtain, stagehands circling him, not sure if he can remain on his feet.

"Good show, dude," says Sully, walking past him with a fake tree.

"Oh...thanks," replies Toby, starting to unbutton his jacket.

Toby begins to walk, air going past his face, letting him cool down. He goes down the steps, hoping that it'd be a madhouse like usual, but it's strangely quiet. When he lifts his head, his eyes meet Manny's immediately. She's in her evening gown again, seated near the costumes, looking as if she was waiting for him. Only Paige remains behind, marking a small slip of paper with a pencil.

"Don't forget to cast your vote for Miss Congeniality, hon," reminds Paige, then walking hurriedly out of the room.

We're alone, thinks Toby. Great, just great.

"They all went to cast their ballots for Miss Congeniality," explains Manny, standing timidly. "Believe it or not, I'm voting for Paige. She's been helpful to a lot of people in all of this."

"Oh," says Toby, passing Manny.

"You've been helpful in all of this," says Manny, getting in front of Toby.

Toby runs a hand through his hair, feels his pulse racing.

"Toby...that was...that was...," stammers Manny, blushing. "It's like...you make my heart twist or something."

"What...like you're sick?" asks Toby, staring at her with concern.

"No," insists Manny, fiddling with the necklace he gave her. "I can't...can't even explain it. It's amazing."

Well, that sounds good, guesses Toby, beaming.

Manny walks closer to him, as if they were still standing on that bridge, him confessing how he felt. That was torture, even though it was all make-believe. It might as well have been real to him. And Manny's feelings for him, if Heather was right, about him being the safety guy, might be make-believe too. Or they could be real. So confusing. Who knew illusion or pretending that it was an illusion could hurt so much?

"Toby," whispers Manny, tracing his cheek.

"It was...was a favor," says Toby, softly.

"No, it was you," says Manny, resting her forehead against his.

"Stop," whispers Toby.

"Why?" whispers Manny, leaning in to kiss him. "I don't want to."

"I want to," says Toby, turning his face. "I've got to."

Manny gently pushes him, blinks back tears. She chucks one of her talent outfit heels in a corner, rattling a costume rack.

"Is this about Heather?" shouts Manny. "Because she'll say anything, Toby. We both know she did something to Nate."

"No, it's not," insists Toby. "It's about..."

"Clara!" exclaims Manny.

"No!"

"What is it then, Toby? You're not telling me anything?" cries Manny. "What would you have told me that night at the video store?"

I can't tell her, groans Toby. She's making strides with her dad, and she has to focus on her family, just like his dad said.

"That's not important right now," answers Toby.

"Yes, it is!" argues Manny. "Toby, be honest with me. It's not like you don't usually tell me the truth."

"I'd like to, Manny," says Toby, trying to hold her.

"But it's too hard...it's too hard to say you want to be friends, date Clara?" guesses Manny, getting out of Toby's grasp. "Okay...okay, it's clear, Toby."

"It's not clear," whispers Toby. "But it is hard. If you even knew half the stuff I wanted to say..."

Manny stares at him hopefully, wipes her eyes. Man, watching her cry makes him really want to confess, confess everything.

"Am I interrupting?" asks a voice coming from the doorway.

Clara slowly walks up to them, places her hand on Toby's shoulder. Toby glances at Manny, then back at Clara.

"Hey," says Toby.

"Hi," says Clara. "Um, Toby, Simpson's got your information packet from camp, and has a few questions for you."

"Okay," says Toby.

"Nice scene," remarks Clara, clearing her throat. "Toby's loaded with talent, right, Manny?"

"Yeah," replies Manny, rubbing her neck, her eyes now dry.

"Ready?" asks Clara. "It's stuffy back here."

"Sure," says Toby. "Um, Manny..."

"I like camp," interjects Manny, beginning to fix Toby's collar. "Making new friends, keeping in touch with old ones. Right, Toby? Friends that have known you longer, especially the ones that are genuine...and hopeful...and romantic...like Anne."

Clara glares at Manny, Toby smiling at his Anne warmly. Manny grabs a pencil and a ballot.

"And annoyingly patient to hear whatever you want to share, Toby," says Manny, bumping Clara as she walks out.


	36. Sooner or Later

**XXXVI. Sooner or Later**

**Author's Note: Thanks for the recent reviews. And for reading!!**

_Sooner or later you're gonna be mine,  
Sooner or later you're gonna be fine.  
Baby, it's time that you face it,  
I always get my man. _

Sooner or later you're gonna decide,  
Sooner or later there's nowhere to hide.  
Baby, it's time, so why waste it in chatter?  
Let's settle the matter.

Baby, you're mine on a platter,  
I always get my man.

But if you insist, babe, the challenge delights me.  
The more you resist, babe, the more it excites me.  
And no one I've kissed, babe, ever fights me again.  
If you're on my list, it's just a question of when.

When I get a yen, then baby, Amen.  
I'm counting to ten, and then ...

I'm gonna love you like nothing you've known,  
I'm gonna love you, and you all alone.  
Sooner is better than later but lover,  
I'll hover, I'll plan.

This time I'm not only getting, I'm holding my man.

"You should definitely sign up for texture mapping," advises Snake. "And also it couldn't help to go over mesh optimization again..."

Toby flips through the information packet as Snake continues to talk. The brochure wasn't nearly as intensive, and there were a lot of courses to choose from, and Snake apparently wanted him to go to almost all of them. He would like to hang out and relax sometime during this whole thing. Clara glances at him, nods eagerly.

They were standing in the auditorium in the middle of the pageant crowd, though it was quieter where they stood than it was near the band, or the press who were interviewing Ms. Hatzilakos and Colleen Dale to the right.

"Can I do all this in three days?" asks Toby when Snake stops.

"Sure when you're Toby Isaacs, computer superstar," answers Snake.

"He's right," agrees Clara.

Toby offers Snake and Clara a hesitant smile, closes the packet.

"Alright, thanks, sir," says Toby.

"Going to find Em and wish her luck for the second half," says Snake, patting Toby on the shoulder, then making his way through the throng.

Clara beams. "This is going to be so much fun."

"Most of the stuff I'm familiar with, other stuff...I don't know," admits Toby.

"Well, um, you conquer the unfamiliar, it seems," says Clara, straightening a modest, dark green dress. "I mean, the scene tonight?"

The scene, thinks Toby. Every word, every step, every feeling felt so real. Tears came he thought wouldn't come. He hated crying in front of people, but he couldn't control it. Before he went out, he knew he was acting. By the end, he didn't know if he was.

"I was...was just winging it," stammers Toby. "But Manny basically held the scene together."

"That's not how I saw it," says Clara. "There was...was a lot of emotion. A lot."

Toby looks at the floor, pretty sure he has no idea how to respond.

"You're a good partner," comments Clara. "But so am I. You know, some of these workshops you can be on teams. Can you imagine the two of us working together? We'd win all the awards. And we'd...we'd have fun together. Like in the store?"

Oh boy, sighs Toby inwardly. Clara is talented, but if they were together for that huge amount of time, he's pretty sure she'd want it to be less about teamwork and more about something else. Although, now would be a good time to ask her if she paid for all of this.

"Clara, I...," begins Toby.

"I've done everything to get you at this camp, so I feel it'd be good payback," interrupts Clara, pulling at his tie.

Everything? Like everything, including paying for camp? But why would Manny say she didn't think Clara paid for camp?

"Let me know, okay?" says Clara, kissing him on the cheek.

Before Toby can say anything else, Clara ducks into the crowd, heads to her AV equipment. Toby groans. Yet another wasted opportunity to find out what he needed. J.T. walks up to Toby, slurping a soda.

"So glad to be rid of performance anxiety," says J.T. "You?"

"Definitely, but I had nothing to lose," replies Toby.

"Hmm, from the backstage area, don't think that's true," says J.T. "Feels like I was watching the Saga of Toby and Manny on Broadway, complete with standing ovation. Which I'd like to point out, I've received more of."

Toby shakes his head. "It was...weird."

"Yeah?" prompts J.T., slurping again.

"For the past few weeks, there's been all this fear about me being the safety guy, and Manny rejecting me. That night in the video store...I do not want to go through that again. The scene was the same thing...it made me remember the first rejection, the rejection I thought was real. If I told her what I would've, she might blow me off. I trust Manny...more than she thinks. But I can't say I trust...us, I guess."

"And you still think it's best to follow your dad's advice," adds J.T.

"Yeah," replies Toby. "She needs to focus on other things. Family, acting."

J.T. shrugs. "Bad timing bites. At least you're going off to camp, get away from all this confusion."

"At camp, I'll be confused too," says Toby. "Haven't figured out who paid for it. Maybe Manny..."

"Why would Manny pay for a camp, where you'd be with Clara?" says J.T., his eyebrows furrowing. "Makes no sense. She was jealous of Clara like I don't know what not too long ago. Remember that dinner?"

"Then again, Clara's been more adamant that I go, and by adamant, I mean asking me countless times," informs Toby. "It's more logical that she'd pay."

"So basically, ninety-five percent chance of Clara, five percent Manny?" assesses J.T. "Not very good odds it's the girl you prefer."

"Yeah...yeah, I know," mutters Toby.

Still, and he wouldn't say to J.T., it was more in Manny's personality to surprise him and do something nice for him. Going with him to Rick's visitation, the basket, the date. Somehow, it did fit her. He could only go by emotion, though.

"Whoever paid for this camp, is that the one you're choosing?" questions J.T., then letting out a loud burp.

"It'd give me some clue, but honestly, I'm not sure," replies Toby.

II.

"Half of the word intermission is mission," whispers Jay, pouring a cup of punch while Sean looks on.

"You're wasting energy, man," says Sean. "Alex..."

"Alex is avoiding me purposely," interjects Jay. "You gotta break down the resolve, Cameron, wait for that cold exterior to crack. After thawing out for how many months, Alex is ready. She came to the party, didn't she?"

"And rejected you, didn't she?" reminds Sean.

"A mere delay," says Jay.

Jay glides over to Katie, propping up her aviator glasses momentarily, and Jay slips the punch cup in her hand.

"Thank you, Sven," says Katie. "You said you had a friend you wanted me to meet?"

Sean looks over the heads of a couple cameramen, spies Alex talking on her cellphone. She finishes the conversation, clips the phone to her black dress pants. It was odd to see her dressed up, even a little, but nice. Jay apparently had seen her too, smiling over in her direction.

"Yes," says Jay, then calling out "Lexi! Lexi!"

Alex looks up, smirks, walks slowly to them.

"Oh yeah," boasts Jay, putting an arm around Katie.

"What's up, Sean?" greets Alex.

"Hey," greets Sean.

"Katie, I would like you to meet Alex," introduces Jay, grinning widely. "Alex, this is Katie."

"She go blind looking at you?" asks Alex, popping her gum.

"It's Lasik!" defends Katie. "I don't know what you look like, but you sound really abrasive. How about lowering the sarcasm?"

"Then I wouldn't be me," says Alex, smiling. "Jay, stop trolling around for impressionable, tanned girls that don't know about your wannabe player rep."

"Jay?" exclaims Katie. "I thought your name was Sven?"

"Run back to the mall, sweetie," warns Alex. "As fast as your overpriced heels can take you."

Alex shakes her head at Jay, while Katie attempts to stomp on Jay's foot a couple times, then finally nails hitting it. Jay winces. Katie starts to walk away.

"I'm telling Mom!" whines Katie, bumping into an usher. "Where...where is Mom?"

Rather than follow her, Jay moans a couple more times, then smiles. They were getting kicked out. Oh, well, thinks Sean. At least I got to talk to Ellie.

"Lexi was so jealous," laughs Jay. "She totally dissed that chick."

"You've got problems," says Sean.

III.

"Talent should be close," guesses Paige. "I mean, not to brag or anything, but they practically melted over my voice."

Manny almost doesn't check Paige's name after that remark, but does so, placing the ballot in the box, stationed in the costume room. She glances over at Nate, still happily snoring, a blanket covering his body, clothed only in a T-shirt and boxers. The sight of him struck her as a little funny, but she's more relieved than amused because he's alright.

"My dance...left them speechless," speaks up Emma.

"That's cause they had no idea what it meant," informs Heather. "Chattering monkeys, you being spastic...you might as well have been acting out _Planet of the Apes_."

"I researched different jungle atmospheres to...," starts Emma, standing inches away from Heather.

"Prep time," says Heather, putting her hand in Emma's face. "Cause girl be silenced."

Heather bumps Emma to the side, pats Nate on the head as she passes, exits the costume room.

"It's like talking to a wall, Em," says Manny. "Talking to a mean wall."

"The only talking I want to hear about is you and Toby," says Emma, pulling Manny to a couple chairs. "You waited for him backstage and?"

"And he held back...again," replies Manny. "Wouldn't kiss me, talk to me, and Clara comes in."

"Ugh!" cries Emma. "She's like some leech that attaches herself to Toby."

Manny gives her a disappointed look.

"Sorry, but she is," says Emma. "I roomed with the girl. She called you a skank."

"If I've learned anything from my episodes with Heather, name-calling won't work," says Manny. "No, she's his friend or whatever, so yeah."

Emma nods. "Alright. But while they're at camp, it'll be more whatever than friend. She's...so aggressive."

Aggressive, that's for sure, thinks Manny. The fact that Toby pitied her too would lead to who knows what? Sooner or later, she'd win. Toby's reluctance to tell her how he felt...didn't that say it all? Or perhaps it didn't. Maybe Toby was scared like Gilbert. He might not believe Heather, but Heather had planted the seed of doubt. Hadn't she gone through something similar with Craig? There were some doubts there, on his end, on her end, and now they weren't even speaking. The thought of not speaking to Toby ever bothered her more than the thought of Clara hanging all over him.

"I'm extending the olive branch," decides Manny.

"Consider myself U.N. worthy, but what?" says Emma.

"I'll work in the store while they're gone, won't press Toby anymore," explains Manny. "He _will _be able torely on me again, and we'll be friends."

"You being reliable, fine," says Emma. "You being heartbroken? Manny, no."

"Toby can barely communicate with me anymore, Em! I don't like that."

"He has strong feelings for you and that's why...," starts Emma.

"No, no, he can't," interrupts Manny, her eyes getting blurry. "If he does, I couldn't do this. Don't say that, Em, because then I'll believe it, back out."

"Manny, you can't give up," soothes Emma.

"I'm not getting hurt again, not after Craig," says Manny, shaking her head. "And definitely not over another girl."

Both girls view Snake coming into the room, waving at Emma. They stand.

"After the pageant, I'm doing it," whispers Manny.

"Can't stop you," sighs Emma. "I'd like to stop you, but...ugh, Snake's here."

"Intermission's almost up, ladies!" shouts Mrs. Tellman, popping her head into the room.

Emma walks over to Snake, Manny hugging herself. It would take a while, but she'd get over it. This might mend their friendship more quickly, and Toby didn't have to stress out about her and Clara. Pain can go away pretty fast, even if it's deep, or long-lasting, or trying to tell you things you don't want to hear.

IV.

"I am an articulate, self-actualized, personable young woman," says Hazel, looking into the backstage mirror, then repeating. "I am an articulate, self-actualized, personable young woman. I am..."

Manny reaches over Hazel to retrieve her sash, places it over her head when she sees her phone vibrating on the desk. Picking it up, she sees a text from J.J., saying good luck and then a smiley face.

"Awww," breathes Manny.

J.J. had no idea how much she needed that pick me up. It stunk how she hadn't tracked her family down during intermission, especially since her scene with Toby was so well-received. She hopes her dad liked it more than anyone else, though, and honestly, you could never tell with him.

Before putting her phone back down, she's almost thrown right onto the desk by someone hurriedly going by. It's Derek, carrying a silk, purple pillow, with a beautiful, shining tiara on top. He stops in the middle of the room, a smug grin on his face. Danny stands next to Manny, Paige on his other side.

"Ahem," says Derek, clearing his throat. "And the winner of Miss Degrassi is..."

Danny takes a deep breath, grabs Manny's hand and Paige's hand.

"Mr. Daniel Van Zandt!" exclaims Derek, holding out the pillow.

Danny's mouth drops, fanning his face with both hands.

"I can't...I can't believe it!" says Danny. "Oh, you girls are wonderful, but...I'm just so, so happy."

He pretends to cry, hugs Manny lightly for a second, her smiling in spite of herself, then reaches for Paige, holds onto her longer.

"Get off me," whines Paige. "You're crushing my clavicle."

Danny sighs, releases Paige, then walks confidently to Derek. He holds it up for all the girls to see. It's a silver tiara with vine-patterned scrolls, rhinestones glittering in the center, a medium-sized "D" amidst the rhinestones.

"I would like to thank...nobody," says Danny, high-fiving Derek.

"That's the...the crown?" stutters Hazel. "It's gorgeous."

Danny places it back on the pillow. "If you kiss me, you get to touch it."

Hazel grimaces, Heather coming forward. Derek sets the pillow on a flat podium near a table.

"It'll be touching my head in an hour or so," says Heather. "After I take talent, that is."

"Yeah...sure...right," smirks Danny. "Back to taping, Derek. Some of ya'll are looking mighty fine through my lens. Mighty fine."

Ignoring them, Manny smiles at the crown. Ugh, with my luck, I'd break it if I won. They were cutting down to five now anyway, and Hazel had told her that winning one segment didn't guarantee a spot in the five. It was based on a combined score. Everytime Manny tried to tabulate her chances, her mind would wander off, mainly to Toby.

The lights backstage dim, calling for the girls to get ready. Spinner, clutching the interview notecards, goes onstage as the curtain rises. The audience greets him with a warm reception, and Emma smiles, probably glad that he's doing so well.

"Did they ever find out why his notecards were messed up during dress rehearsal?" asks Manny.

"He laid them down somewhere, and somebody put in some trick cards," whispers Emma. "Most likely Danny and Derek. You know how they like to kid around."

"I don't know," says Manny. "Well, good luck, Em. You're so making the five."

"Not true, but thanks," says Emma, squeezing her hand.

"Welcome back to the second half of our competition," says Spinner to the crowd. "If I may, I'd like to ask all the contestants to join me onstage as we announce the five ladies that will carry on with the competition. Please give them all a round of applause."

The girls walk out, waving to the cheering crowd, Manny offering the best smile she can. They all gather behind Spinner, taking each other's hands. Manny looks around while Spinner fetches a piece of paper from Mr. Vance in the front row. Alex is slouching, blowing hair out of her face, J.T. and Liberty keep staring at each other, and no Toby as J.T. had taken his seat. At least, her family is visible. Her father and her mother are still holding hands, but she notices Joseph is gripping her mother's hand pretty hard.

"Before we narrow down our lovely ladies, we have a tie for the winners of the talent competition," says Spinner.

All the contestants glance at each other. Emma was right, thinks Manny. Talent was close.

"The winners are...Miss Hazel Aden, and Miss Manuella Santos," informs Spinner, gesturing to Hazel and Manny.

Jimmy holds up his Hazel sign again, while the audience roars. Manny can't believe it. Her scene won. Her scene with Toby won. If only he was here to share in her excitement. Manny drops her eyes for a second, then smiles out into the audience again.

"Now to share who will still be competing for Miss Degrassi. The first to continue is...Miss Paige Michalchuk," announces Spinner, grinning at Paige.

Paige claps her hands together, blows a kiss into the crowd, mouths "thanks". The crowd makes a lot of enthusiastic noise as Paige moves to the front. Alex sits up, smiles proudly, obviously now interested.

"Also continuing...Miss Hazel Aden," says Spinner.

Hazel shakes herself, puts a hand over her mouth, then smiles at everyone as they clap.

"Go Hazel!" shouts Jimmy. "Woot!"

The rest of the members of Downtown Sasquatch shout appreciatively.

"Joining them will be...Miss Heather Sinclair," says Spinner, sheepishly glancing at Heather.

"Oh wow!" exclaims Heather. "Me? Me?"

Manny feels like banging her head against the stage. No, anyone but her. Heather takes her spot next to Hazel, winking at the judges. Sadly, Mr. Vance seems to like it. He has no idea what a horror she is, guesses Manny.

"Taking our fourth spot...Miss Emma Nelson,"says Spinner, beaming at Emma.

Emma hugs Manny from the side, Manny seeing tears brimming in her eyes. Spike and Snake also look choked up, Jack too though it appeared that it was due to his favorite ball falling from his grip at that moment. Emma stands next to Heather, bringing the long skirt of her white gown behind her.

"Our final spot goes to...," says Spinner, clearly stalling for effect.

Emma throws Manny a hopeful look, faces the front again. Manny didn't know if she wanted to continue honestly, especially with Toby's disappearance. If she can find him, track him down as soon as she's dismissed...

"Manuel Santos," says Spinner.

"It's Manuella!" corrects J.J., standing up. "Yeah!"

"Oh, my bad," says Spinner. "Miss Manuella Santos."

Manny places a hand on her heart, her mouth dropping. She was still in? She slowly goes over to Emma, lets Emma give her a huge hug. Wow, I'm still in, she thinks, smiling at her parents. Her parents grin at one another. The audience's loud cheers die down as the other contestants leave.

"Presenting our final five," says Spinner. "We wish to thank everyone who participated. And now, for the interview round."

Manny almost wants to run off the stage, after Spinner who goes to retrieve the plastic bowl they'd be drawing questions from. Sometimes she could think on her feet, other times she couldn't. Acting had taught her about improvisation, speaking from the heart, which may work here. There was no way she'd beat Hazel, Paige, or Heather, though. They were all pretty witty, or trained to be witty in Hazel's case.

Spinner returns, holds the bowl out to Paige. She fishes out a question, hands it to Spinner.

"What's the most important lesson you've learned throughout your years at Degrassi?" reads Spinner.

"I've learned how to be strong," answers Paige, without any hesitation. "People may do things to you, or say things to you, but you have to stand your ground. Criticism has helped me become stronger too. Hello, if I'm trying to match a teal skirt and an aqua shirt, someone needs to point out my faux paus before I wind up on the morning announcements looking foul, you know?"

Paige's response is met with light laughter.

"But yeah, take the good with the bad, laugh at yourself, and you'll be strong," finishes Paige.

Alex leads a healthy, warm round of applause. Spinner goes to Hazel next, and Hazel takes out her question.

"Define Degrassi using three words," reads Spinner.

"Degrassi is responsible, engaging, and supportive," replies Hazel, after taking a deep breath. "The school takes responsibility for its actions when it needs to, gets students involved to improve our image, and supports us in our endeavors. These three ingredients make for a better school and for better progress. Thank you, Mr. Mason."

Spinner blinks blankly after Hazel calls him Mr. Mason, but the audience loves the answer, Manny watching Ms. Hatzilakos nod appreciatively. Heather takes a question next.

"Why do you consider yourself a role model for other Degrassi students?" asks Spinner.

Heather grabs the microphone from Spinner.

"Dude!" protests Spinner, quietly.

"First of all, I'm professional in all my daily interactions, because I believe humility, honesty, and compassion should drive our personalities. Secondly, being a role model entails giving back to the community, and I always, always try to give sound advice and exude warmth to those around me. Third of all, I live my life in a very clean fashion, unlike so many other girls, regrettably."

Heather ends by throwing pointed looks at Emma and Manny. Spinner wrests the microphone away from her, hands it to Emma after she takes out a question.

"What issue in the world today do you think Degrassi females should take notice of?" asks Spinner.

Uh-oh, thinks Manny, gritting her teeth.

"Where should I start?" replies Emma. "There's female genital mutilation in Africa..."

"Eww!" cries Sully, covering his ears.

"Domestic abuse that's steadily rising. An alarming rate of young women being affected by HIV..." continues Emma.

"Stop!" shouts Sully.

"Well, you should know," insists Emma. "Every person has the right to be informed. And every woman has the right to pick issues that interest them, and that's my answer. Whatever issue means the most to them should be the issue they should go with."

"Yeah, Emma!" shouts Spike.

Manny sees that the judges are in agreement with Spike. Way to get back in the game, Em, thinks Manny, smiling, then nervously reaching into the bowl.

"Bowl's cold," says Manny into the microphone.

The audience members laugh, but she's happy that it seems to be good-hearted laughter. Mr. Vance chuckles, writes something down.

"If a Degrassi female asked you what it means to be beautiful, what would you tell them?" asks Spinner.

Manny bites her lip. Tough question. She _would_ get the tough question. Her head throbs, as she looks out into the audience again. She hears light footsteps coming up the aisle, and there he is, there's Toby, sitting in an empty seat formerly occupied by Sean. Sadly, he's further away, but he is there.

Telling him she wanted to be friends would be so hard. It was hard telling him that in the scene, so for her to act like it was real offstage? Toby makes her feel so many things– funny, free, happy, warm. Him making her feel beautiful was just a bonus.

"I would tell that young lady that it's going to take some time before she feels completely beautiful," says Manny. "But she is. She's always been that way, and she'll discover it more and more until she knows...knows for sure that she is. It comes when she loves herself. That's all it takes, what it means. If you feel it, you'll be it."

She glances at Toby, who smiles back at Manny, twisting his tie. The audience claps loudly, Manny smiling shyly.

"Okay, those were our final five contestants," says Spinner, nodding at the crowd. "The judges will confer, and return to narrow it down to three. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes, especially Ms. Hatzilakos' heels."

Low rumbles of polite laughter sound, though Manny can tell Spinner's prewritten jokes are starting to fall flat.

"Uh...we'll see you in a bit," says Spinner, the spotlights dimming, the girls going offstage.

Manny fans herself. "That was tough."

"If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen," says Heather. "I'm simply amazed you won talent."

"I'm not," says Emma, locating her brush.

"It doesn't matter anyways," says Heather, sighing happily. "All the scores get thrown out before interview. We're all on a clean slate, except Emma, who's never clean. Gonorrhea isn't always curable, you know."

"I'm healthy, loser," shoots back Emma, smiling. "They loved my answer, more than yours."

"I wouldn't be so cocky," says Hazel. "Oooh, I can't believe I got talent too."

Manny smiles at Emma. "My dad was nervous. It was cute."

"Great," says Emma. "And Toby?"

"He was...he was there."

"Awww."

"In the back, Em," clarifies Manny.

"But he was there," says Emma.


	37. Open Your Heart

**XXXVII. Open Your Heart**

_I see you on the street and you walk on by  
You make me wanna hang my head down and cry  
If you gave me half a chance you'd see  
My desire burning inside of me  
But you choose to look the other way  
I've had to work much harder than this  
For something I want don't try to resist me_

_Open your heart to me, baby  
I hold the lock and you hold the key  
Open your heart to me, darlin'  
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key_

_I think that you're afraid to look in my eyes  
You look a little sad boy, I wonder why  
I follow you around but you can't see  
You're too wrapped up in yourself to notice  
So you choose to look the other way  
Well, I've got something to say  
Don't try to run I can keep up with you  
Nothing can stop me from trying, you've got to_

_Open your heart to me, baby  
I hold the lock and you hold the key  
Open your heart to me, darlin'  
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key_

_Open your heart with the key  
One is such a lonely number_

_Ah, ah, ah, ah  
Open your heart, I'll make you love me  
It's not that hard, if you just turn the key_

_Don't try to run I can keep up with you  
Nothing can stop me from trying, you've got to_

_Open your heart to me, baby  
I hold the lock and you hold the key  
Open your heart to me, darlin'  
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key_

_Open your heart with the key_

_Open your heart, I'll make you love meIt's not that hard, if you just turn the key  
Open your heart, I'll make you love me  
It's not that hard, if you just turn the key..._

**Ain't No Other Man is the property of Christina Aguilera.**

**I'll Remember is the property of Madonna.**

Low rumbles of talking can be heard from backstage, lasting for about five minutes, but to Manny it's more like an eternity. All the rehearsals, the dress buying, the anxiety leading to this moment, the last twenty minutes of Miss Degrassi. It's not really who will win that she cares about. No, she's more amped to leave the stage, face her father, which now brings more excitement than dread, and find out what he has to say.

"I wish they'd hurry up already," complains Heather. "Gosh, how long does it take to cross out a couple names?"

'Maybe it's tight," says Hazel, adjusting the lavender clip on the back of her hair.

"Between you and Rhinochuk?" says Heather, nodding at Paige. "Please. They're just thinking up ways to let you guys down gently."

"Nose jokes, so last semester," counters Paige, narrowing her eyes at Heather.

"Fine, be unaffected," says Heather, checking her lipstick in a compact mirror. "Hope you're all wearing waterproof mascara. Tears of defeat can really do a number on your mug. Then again, Paige has that perpetual scowl, Emma's got chubby cheeks, Hazel always has dead eyes, and Manny's...got this permanent, dreamy-eyed, blank look. Nah, tears might be a good cover actually."

Heather hums, walks over to the make-up mirror as the other girls trade annoyed looks. That would be another plus to the pageant ending. No more Heather, thinks Manny. At all.

"Are Alex's friends big enough to take her down?" whispers Emma, nudging Paige.

They all giggle quietly, are surprised when they hear Spinner's voice breaking through.

"Ladies, will you please join me onstage?" says Spinner.

Manny breathes in and out, then resumes her place behind Emma. They walk out, to a subdued crowd. The quiet is nerve-racking more than polite. She spots Alyssa, wriggling in her seat, staring back at her with hopeful eyes. Some of the other center kids are there too, her identifying Taylor, Ryan, Henry, and a bit surprising to her, Beth. She hopes they are enjoying the show; it was always tough to say with kids.

"Before we announce our final three, I'd like to tell you a little bit more about our amazing final five," says Spinner. "Starting with...Hazel Aden."

Hazel approaches the runway, the satin lavender skirt of her dress twinkling under the lights. Jimmy whistles, while the audience claps.

"Hazel Aden is a long-time member of the Spirit Squad, managing editor of the yearbook committee, has served on numerous semi-formal committees, and volunteers at many of her mosque's functions. She enjoys shopping, cheering, and community service," reads Spinner off a notecard.

Hazel turns back around, strides confidently back to her spot.

"Next we have Heather Sinclair," says Spinner.

Heather glides down the runway, mouthing "hello" while the audience cheers. To her disappointment, Manny notes that the dress is still getting appreciative glances and comments.

"Heather has won numerous dance competitions, and is currently the Toronto Junior Celtic Dance champion. At Degrassi, she's on yearbook committee, does the morning announcements, and serves on the disciplinary committee. She enjoys theater, doing charity work, and helping others."

Heather nods in agreement to Spinner's comments, twirls so the shiny black fabric of her gown can make one more impression, and returns to the line.

"Up next is Emma Nelson," says Spinner, widely grinning at Emma.

Emma shrugs, walks forward. Manny has to give Emma credit. The white gown, with spaghetti straps and simple beading on the back, was retrieved by Spike in a thrift store, and cost so much less than Heather's, but it shaped Emma amazingly. The haircut they had to give her because of her freak-out over Darcy's comment was unnoticeable since Emma kept her hair clasped in a bun for the entire night. I'm proud of her, thinks Manny. She was definitely no ravine queen tonight. Pure class.

"Emma is head of SITE, Degrassi's environmental club. She's also a frequent contributor to the school newspaper, the _Grapevine_, student council secretary, and was a member of the Academic Quiz bowl team. She loves the beach, campaigning for animal rights, and dancing."

Emma nods at her parents, smiles at Jack as he happily squeals.

"Coming up, we have Manuella Santos," says Spinner.

Manny immediately smiles, her heels, her feet a bit tired at this point, moving down the runway. Her pulse races, and she can feel trickles of sweat at the base of her neck.

"Manuella is an active member of Degrassi's drama club, and an accomplished actress with one film already under her belt. Her film, _Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh?_, will premiere this March in Toronto," reads Spinner.

Accomplished actress? Wow, that's a bit much, thinks Manny, but it did produce a smile out of her mother so that's good. The reaction of her father to that she can't see because of a blinding spotlight. She continues to smile, though.

"Currently, she also volunteers as an assistant teacher to Ms. O' Neill's class at the community center here," finishes Spinner.

Before he can continue, a chorus of young, happy voices cheer. Manny laughs quietly along with the crowd. Her students were obviously excited to hear their class mentioned. Spinner appears befuddled for a second, but moves on.

"Last but not least, Paige Michalchuk," says Spinner.

The audience claps again, as Manny passes Paige. Manny stands between Emma and Heather, as Paige goes to the centerof the runway.

"Paige is the captain of the Spirit Squad, the head of the yearbook committee and the semi-formal committee, and the advice columnist for the _Grapevine_. She also works part-time at the Degrassi mall movie theater. She enjoys fashion design, hockey games, and a facial whenever she can get it," reads Spinner.

Warm laughter fills the room. Paige bows timidly, starts to walk to the other girls, but Spinner grabs her hand.

"And...she's the first ever winner of Miss Congeniality for Miss Degrassi," announces Spinner, giving her a little hug.

Paige puts her hands to her cheeks, then claps excitedly as Ms. Hatzilakos stands, walks up the stairs, and places a pink sash, reading Miss Congeniality in blue lettering, over her head. Everyone applauds, Downtown Sasquatch and Alex the most.

"Thank you!" cries Paige, after hugging Ms. Hatzilakos.

Ms. Hatzilakos goes back to her seat, and Paige, teary-eyed, retreats to the other girls.

"Congratulations!" whispers Manny and Emma to Paige.

"Thank you," whispers Paige.

Hazel throws a shy, but pleased look in Paige's direction. Manny wonders what that meant, maybe that they can be friends again? There's no time to really ponder it over as Spinner opens another card. The results. Manny clasps her hands in front of her.

"And now our final three," says Spinner, smiling. "First..."

All the girls take each other's hands, though Manny really didn't want to touch Heather's.

"Emma Nelson!" exclaims Spinner, motioning for Emma to come to the front.

Emma goes pale, looks as if she's about to fall, but Manny nudges her in the right direction. Regaining her balance, Emma beams, practically runs to where she needs to be. Manny glances at Heather, who looks mystified. Yes, celebrates Manny inwardly, as she claps for her friend.

"Okay, can you feel the suspense?" says Spinner. "You wanna know the others?"

"Yes!" shout a few people.

"Alright...um, Hazel, how about you join Miss Nelson then?" laughs Spinner.

"Yes!" shouts Jimmy."Yes!"

Hazel jumps up and down a little in her tall heels, hugs Manny. Awww, Hazel so deserves this, and she'd finally get noticed no matter what place she got, thinks Manny. Well, she'd be in the paper at least. Hazel walks quickly to Emma, squeezes Emma's hand. To her surprise, Manny sees Heather's expression go blank. It's no wonder, because Heather is staring at her mother, who even with her sunglasses on, appears very upset. Manny guesses Heather figured she'd be one of the first two called, and the chances were definitely shrinking that she'd get in. Manny's sure that wherever she lands her parents wouldn't belittle her, but if Heather didn't make top three, Miss Sinclair would totally do that to Heather.

She'll get in, Manny assures herself. She'll get in.

"And who is joining Miss Nelson and Miss Aden?" teases Spinner. "Who could our third lucky lady be?"

"Michalchuk!" yells Alex.

"Sinclair!" speaks up Katie, pumping her fist in the air.

"Manny!" shouts Beth. "I mean...Santos!"

Tears start to form in Heather's eyes, and Manny gives Heather's hand a light squeeze. Heather throws her a cold look.

"And the last contestant competing for a chance to be Miss Degrassi is...," begins Spinner.

"Come on!" shouts J.T.

"Manuella Santos, come on down," supplies Spinner, winking at Manny.

Manny lets Heather's hand go, chills running throughout her entire body. What? They must've really, really liked her answer to the question. I'm in the final, she thinks as she positions herself between Hazel and Emma. I'm in the final!

Heather's eyes drop to the floor, while Paige keeps on a strained smile.

"Miss Sinclair, Miss Michalchuk, you've been wonderful," says Spinner. "Haven't they, folks?"

The crowd claps in agreement, Alex, Katie, and a couple others standing. Paige waves to the audience one more time, Heather slowly following her offstage. The lights dim as Alex and the others sit back down.

"In our final round, each contestant will be asked the same question," says Spinner. "It has been randomly selected by myself, and the contestants have no knowledge of what the question will be. Up first, Emma Nelson."

Emma twists her necklace awkwardly, then walks to Spinner. Manny smiles. In her pretty white gown and his tuxedo, they looked like a couple on top of a wedding cake.

"Miss Nelson," says Spinner, then reading his card. "What characteristics make a true Miss Degrassi?"

Manny closes her eyes, shakes her head. What a tough question. A tough, layered question. Emma and Hazel would sail through this, and she'd totally flop. Emma seems to like the question, though, launching into an answer immediately.

"A true Miss Degrassi cares about those around her," answers Emma. "She always tries to do what is right, and leads with her conscience, no matter the cost. She's strong-willed, mature, and intelligent. All of that is becoming to a modern woman, and to a Miss Degrassi. Thanks."

The answer draws very loud applause, especially from Spike, who wipes tears sliding down her nose. No longer filming, perhaps because he's too excited, Snake puts an arm around Spike, obviously proud, while Jack has fallen asleep on his lap.

"Thank you, Miss Nelson," says Spinner, then indicating for Hazel to come up to him. "Miss Aden, what characteristics make a true Miss Degrassi?"

Hazel bites her lip, clearly thinking hard, but smiles and replies.

"A true Miss Degrassi is a role model, serving as an example to her fellow students. She is active, compassionate, with her mind fixed on aiding in whatever areas she can. She's cool, calm, collected, but not afraid to show her school spirit. Thank you, Mr. Mason."

Ms. Hatzilakos claps very loudly, then writes down several things as the cheers for Hazel sound through Manny's ears. Two amazing answers. Get ready for my lame response, sighs Manny, walking to Spinner.

Manny pretends to right her sash, but she's really checking on how fast her heart is going. The thumping is so fast, so intense. She's surprised no one hears it through the microphone. She can't do this. She can't. It's not like the scene where she knew the lines, had Toby there to support her. Instinctively, she searches for him again. He's in the same seat, near the back, hands firmly together in his lap. He nods his head at her, mouths "come on." Come on, Manny, she also tells herself. Come on.

"Miss Santos, what characteristics make a true Miss Degrassi?" asks Spinner.

"A true Miss Degrassi is someone who you can identify with," says Manny, surprised the words are in fact tumbling out. "She should be someone you can approach, confide in, trust. A friend."

She glances at Toby, who stares so lovingly at her she almost loses focus. Or maybe she wants it to be lovingly, when it's really not.

"At the same time, you should be inspired by her," says Manny. "Inspired to change and make yourself better, even if it means being a bit different. Sometimes being different or feeling different is worth it. So Miss Degrassi should be a friend and an inspiration. Thank you."

Staggeringly loud cries erupt, then very enthusiastic applause. It surprises her, and thankfully, her heart slows down when she, Hazel, and Emma take center stage.

"Thanks you ladies. In five minutes, we will return and crown our first ever Miss Degrassi," says Spinner into the microphone.

The three girls walk off, go to the backstage, where Paige is receiving flowers from her parents who Darcy lets in. Manny is glad Paige doesn't look too disappointed, smiling as Mrs. Michalchuk snaps a picture with Paige and her father side by side. Heather, on the other hand, looks mortified, quietly sobbing in a chair. Manny fetches a tissue, goes to her.

"Tissue from dreamy-eyed girl?" offers Manny.

Heather takes it from her, wipes her nose viciously.

"I didn't know you were Junior Dance champ," says Manny, recalling something positive to make her cheer up. "That's...huge. In a big city like T.O...winning that."

"Yep," breathes Heather. "And I didn't work at those places either."

"What?" says Manny.

Heather smirks, red eyes focused on Manny. "You work at this center. Coincidence that you've been frontrunner since day one? I think not. And your two close friends get in. Behold the bias."

Manny sighs. She is so sick of Heather and her little conspiracy theories, or insults, or whatever nonsense comes out of her fake mouth. Let her think what she wants, say what she wants.

"You brought this on yourself," says Manny. "I hope you feel a little bad due to all the stuff you've done...at least. I wish you would. And even if you don't, and you hate me, I still don't want you to get ripped apart by someone who shall remain nameless."

Heather frowns, wipes her eyes.

"You learned it from her," whispers Manny. "But that doesn't mean you have to be like her."

Manny shoots Heather a knowing look, sees Emma waving at her, walks to the side of the stage. She stares back at Heather, who cries even more.

II.

"Will the final three please join me center stage?" asks Spinner, nodding at the three girls hovering in the wings.

Spinner's voice sounds so far away in Manny's head. Before, it was just Spinner's regular voice, increased in volume by the microphone, but now it almost sounds like he's not in the same building as she is. Thankfully, all the questions were answered, and that didn't matter.

Hazel, Emma, and Manny loop arms, walk out together. Hazel suggested it, and Manny was happy with the arrangement, Emma's elbow brushing her waist. Any support she could get...fine by her.

"I will now reveal the results, decided on by our judges, Mr. Harold Vance, Ms. Colleen Dale, and Ms. Daphne Hatzilakos. But first, a round of applause for our pageant coordinator, Ms. Theresa Tellman, and our volunteers."

Ms. Tellman stands, her hair in a demure ponytail, wearing a navy blue business suit, with gold buttons, probably because they were Degrassi's colors.

"And it's been my pleasure to be your host this evening," says Spinner, doing a small bow.

Appreciative cheers greet Spinner, and Emma looks proudly on. Manny pokes Emma playfully.

"Our second runner-up receives a gift certificate for a free day of beauty at the Palm Grove Spa, a chain of spas with over seventy-five locations," says Spinner.

Nice prize, thinks Manny. Okay, so it wasn't _the _prize, but her answer wasn't on the level of Hazel and Emma's, so it would do. Liberty and Ms. Hatzilakos come on stage, bearing three bouquets between them, Liberty holding the scholarship check as well.

"Our second runner-up is...," says Spinner, opening a sealed card. "Emma Nelson!"

Whoa, but to Manny's relief, it doesn't seem to faze Emma. Spinner hugs her, hands her the certificate, and Emma waves it around.

"Yeah Emma!" shouts Snake.

"You're gorgeous!" exclaims Spike.

"Thank you!" replies Emma, as Liberty presents her with a bouquet of white roses.

Emma moves to the right of the stage, still beaming. Well, first runner-up...that was big. Hazel's interview book would secure her with the win, the win she wanted so bad, and she'd more than settle for second. Manny takes Hazel's hand, Hazel grinning nervously, almost a pained grin.

"Our first runner-up receives a monetary gift of two hundred and fifty dollars to use for her education, provided by the Rotary Club," says Spinner. "Should our Miss Degrassi be unable to fulfill the requirements of her title, the first-runner up will take her place. Miss Degrassi will receive the crown, a consultation with our talent agent Ms. Colleen Dale, a scholarship of an undisclosed amount, and the honor of being our first Miss Degrassi. Ladies, you've worked hard. Good luck."

Manny and Hazel hug each other from the side, their heads laying against each other's. She stares at her students, who look so excited, especially Alyssa, who's standing now, practically bouncing up and down. J.J. and her parents are sitting up in their chairs too, and she can see her father this time, blinking blankly, directly at her. Then, she finds Toby, beams when she sees him crossing his fingers. They'd have to settle for second, just like her mother settled for third way back when.

"Our first runner-up is...," begins Spinner.

"Good luck," whispers Manny to Hazel.

"You too," returns Hazel.

"Our first runner-up is...Hazel Aden!" shouts Spinner. "Which means our first Miss Degrassi is Manuella Santos."

The cheers from the audience nearly break Manny's ears. No, she heard it wrong, she heard it wrong. Manny starts to cry, kneels a little.

"It's you, Manny!" whispers Hazel, collecting her in her arms, helping her rise. "Come on!"

In Hazel's arms, she can still hear the enthusiasm, the applause, the happiness. Her heart is going fast, but it's a better type of fast. When's the last time she cried this much because she was happy? Man, she can barely think.

Manny lets out a deep breath, as Liberty first presents a bouquet to Hazel, and then one to Manny. White roses for Hazel, and red roses for her. She can barely hold on to the scholarship check Liberty also hands her. Her fingers are shaking too violently. Body's totally not working, sighs Manny in her head.

"Awww, Manny," whispers Liberty, hugging her gently. "It's okay."

Manny reluctantly pulls away, facing the crowd, who have risen to their feet. She never really saw how many people were here tonight, only keeping track of her family, her students, and Toby. I'm an emotional wreck in front of how many?

"Go Manny!" yells J.T.

Out of the corner of her blurry eye, she can see Derek advancing with a pillow. The shine from the tiara glitters. No, she never thought she'd wear that.

"Well-deserved, Miss Santos," praises Derek. "Spin, a little help."

"Oh...yeah," says Spinner, tucking his cards under his armpit.

Derek and Spin put it on top of Manny's head, several cameras going off, including Spike's and her father's. Liberty comes up from behind, helps fixes it to her hair when the boys start struggling. Hatzilakos also slides a new sash over her head, a gold sash with Miss Degrassi on it. Miss Degrassi. Her? So not happening. Can't, but it is.

"Presenting our first Miss Degrassi," says Spinner, holding up Manny's hand.

"Thank you!" sobs Manny when Spinner puts the microphone in front of it. "Everyone! Man, this tiara is really heavy."

The audience roars, Manny's students squealing with delight. Alyssa starts to cry, smiling, making Manny cry harder. For the first time, the judges are on their feet too. Manny wipes her eyes furiously, goes down the runway, her sash sliding a little. How she was going to be composed doing this walk she didn't know. I look a hot mess probably, sighs Manny inwardly.

She moves anyway, locking eyes with people occasionally, mouthing "thank you." So many people had helped her get here. Her mother, her friends, eventually her father, and...Toby? Where is he?

Over the heads of a few people, she finally makes him out. He's clapping so wildly, for her, for only her. She looks directly at his eyes, underneath his glasses.

"Thank you, Toby," she mouths, though she's not sure he can make it out with all the cheering going on.

She swears she sees his mouth move, hears "you're welcome."

III.

_Ain't no other man, can stand up next to you  
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do  
You're the kinda guy, a girl finds in a blue moon, you got soul, you got class._

Blue and gold streamers hang from the ceiling, same-colored balloons affixed to the corners. Toby had never been to the gym of the community center, and it was pretty big, big enough to hold all the family members, the contestants, and the press, who were currently swirling around Manny. It was the one time he was glad he was shut off from her. The afterparty was busy regardless, so he probably wouldn't get to congratulate her for quite some time.

She looks so happy, he thinks. She answered the questions like a pro, looked like a dream. His heart barely beat before Spinner said the words. He was so nervous for her. He knew she was going to take it, but she did look fearful a couple times.

Standing behind a few reporters and phtographers, clicking away at Manny, flanked by Emma and Hazel, Toby smiles.

"Manny, what does it feel like?" asks a reporter. "You're the first Miss Degrassi!"

"Amazing...scary...funtastic," stammers Manny.

"She invents words," says Emma, wrapping an arm around Manny's waist.

"I'm...I'm speechless," beams Manny. "Ah, I can't think!"

"Borrow my interview book!" says Hazel.

They all laugh, other reporters assaulting Manny with questions, sometimes throwing in one for Hazel or Emma. Toby backs up, goes over to the refreshment table. He reaches for a cookie, feels someone touch his shoulder.

"She'll probably be all over the papers," guesses Clara, presenting him with a couple cookies. "Sugar cookies, your fave."

"Thanks," says Toby. "And yeah, she's going to be everywhere tomorrow."

"They're playing Christina Aguilera in here," mutters Clara. "They couldn't pony up the cash to get your sister's band to play this party too?"

Toby chuckles. "I don't think Craig or Ashley would want to play anymore, especially if it's songs like 'Dancing Queen'."

"Point taken, but they were good," compliments Clara.

"They were," agrees Toby.

"And Manny was too...I thought she deserved it," says Clara, clearly reluctant to get it out.

Toby grins at Clara. He knows that had to be hard to say, and he couldn't imagine her being behind the camera all night, watching the scene between them, wondering what was going on between him and Manny. What she doesn't know is he's wondering the same thing.

A slower song starts up, Clara glancing shyly at Toby. Toby finishes eating, wipes his face with a napkin. In a way, Manny is right. He cares for her, but he does pity her. J.T. is more right. It isn't right to lead her on.

"I'd like to dance with you, Toby," says Clara. "I mean, Manny's preoccupied, right?"

Toby takes her hand. This would be a good time to break it off, explain that he appreciated her waiting, but that the wait isn't going to lead to what she wants.

"Okay," says Toby, leading her out to the floor.

Clara grins giddily, putting her hands behind Toby's head. Toby notices Hazel coming out to the floor, locating Jimmy, hugging him. He glances at Manny, wondering if she's done with the press too. Nope. Ms. Hatzilakos has her arm around Manny, talking to the reporters.

"Clara, I care about you a lot," says Toby, facing Clara. "Your uncle...and you. It felt nice when you guys came over."

"I thought it felt nice too," sighs Clara, her cheeks reddening.

"But the thing is...," begins Toby.

"The thing is you care about me," says Clara, smiling. "Toby, I'm not blind. I know you're head over heels for Miss Degrassi...before she was Miss Degrassi even."

Toby swallows a lump in his throat, looks down.

"But she _is_ Miss Degrassi," points out Clara. "If you date her, when you go to school, it'll be so stressful for you. I don't want that for you. Hasn't it been stressful while we've been on break?"

"Yeah," whispers Toby.

"People aren't always nice, Toby. They judge who you are, who you date."

"It might...might be like that at first," stammers Toby. "But..."

"No, no, Toby," insists Clara, looking behind him. "It'd be all the time. And she's always been in love with Craig. I know it, you know it, the world knows it. If she rejects you, it'd crush you."

Craig? She acted like...backstage, she acted like she wanted him. Admittedly, it has been weeks, and it was tough to get over a four-year crush in weeks, but Manny seems willing. To try, at least. Plus her and Craig didn't work the second time around. What if that is true, and she leaves? Then yeah, he'd be the safety guy.

Toby lowers Clara's hands, shakes his head. Clara nods her head in one direction, and Toby sees it. Manny and Craig talking, Manny smiling while the press begin to pack up their stuff.

"I...um, have to find my dad," says Toby, patting Clara on the arm.

"Oh, okay," says Clara. "But um...I also wanted to say that I'd really like it if you did what we talked about. Not the workshop thing, though I'd love that. You know...you coming to camp, and making a decision. Especially if you care about me. You care, right?"

"I care," whispers Toby.

Clara smiles shyly, walks past Toby.

Yes, he cares. He just hoped Manny cared enough to let Craig go, and to give him some time. Still, he would let her enjoy tonight, wouldn't bother her. That's one thing Clara said that he is totally sure about. She deserves it.

IV.

"One reporter asked me what hairspray I used," informs Manny, holding on to her tiara which despite Spinner and Derek's best efforts, would slip now and again.

"Because that's the most important question ever," jokes Craig. "No, but congratulations. I knew you would win."

"I didn't know," confesses Manny.

"Come on," says Craig. "After that scene? Wow. How long did you and Toby work on that?"

Manny wasn't sure how much to tell, and even if Craig should know.

"Not long," waves off Manny. "The Squatch was putting it down tonight, though."

"Thanks," says Craig.

No longer with any words, Manny hugs Craig. This used to be the moment when she'd feel her heart go all out of sorts, the moment she lived for. Tonight, however, it's sweet, light, a little safe. A friendly safe.

"Um...," says Craig, awkwardly. "I heard this gossip."

Manny pulls away. "Gossip?"

"Don't bite my head off, but I heard...you and Toby were...uh...a thing?"

She blushes, brushes some hair out of her face. Craig laughs, clearly amused.

"You do know Toby and Ashley are semi-related, right?" kids Craig.

"So?" whispers Manny.

"Why, Manny Santos...hmmm," says Craig.

"Hmmm is right," says Manny, hitting him in the thigh with her bouquet.

Craig shrugs. "I don't know what to say."

"I don't know what to say either," sighs Manny. "He might want to be friends anyway. There's stuff that we have to deal with. I'm thinking...let him go maybe?"

"Letting people go is easier said than done," says Craig. "If it's not working, then it's time. But if there are feelings, you should...you should try."

Manny holds the bouquet to her chest. She really doesn't want to tell Toby that she wants to be friends. She wants to tell him that she was up for the risk, that they'd wade through the trust issues and the doubts because there are feelings. And Craig's right. Feelings can trump other things.

"Thanks," says Manny.

"Meh, some advice from your jerky ex," says Craig. "Have fun tonight."

Craig squeezes Manny's hand, makes his way over to Marco and Ellie.

Manny begins searching for Toby, but instead spies her family huddled in a corner. They were seated at a table with Spike, Snake, and Jack. Manny guesses Spinner and Emma are probably off making out somewhere. Or had they kissed yet? They were so strange she didn't know what was up.

She walks to the table, greeted with light clapping from all of them.

"I think Jack fell in love tonight," says Snake, Jack wiggling his feet and squealing at Manny.

Manny laughs, takes a seat, receives a kiss from her mother.

"And he needs to be changed," says Spike, taking Jack, scrunching up her nose. "Hand over the son."

"I could use some air too," says Snake, following her.

"Stinky boy," says Ms. Santos, chuckling. "And beautiful girl. Manny, I'm so proud."

"You were a true Filipina beauty queen," agrees J.J. "And I won the bet I had going with my roommate. He owes me twenty bucks."

Manny smiles, glances at her father. He isn't smiling. Oh, boy, she thought he'd be proud too. Maybe she embarrassed him with all that crying when she won.

"Dad...did you like the show?" stutters Manny, stroking the tablecloth.

"I...didn't like that boy with the loose pants," answers Joseph.

"Oh, J.T...yeah, that was a little spur-of-the-moment," says Manny, putting down her bouquet.

"But the rest," says Joseph, softly. "The rest was good. And you were very lady-like."

Her entire face grows flushed, as Joseph takes her in her arms, kisses her forehead.

"And we have something for you," adds her mother.

J.J. pops his collar, digs in his inside coat pocket, presents Manny with a long velvet box. Manny props it open, her breath increasing in tempo. It's a long silver necklace, with a very small, but beautiful encrusted emerald at the end.

"It was my mother's," says Joseph, unfastening it.

Manny holds up her hair, lets Joseph put it on, her breath still going fast.

"She acted like a real princess," says Joseph. "And now you are. I'd be proud if you wore it, not that I'm not proud of you already."

Manny beams, twirling it, the necklace hanging over the one Toby gave her. She really can't say which one means more to her, but her father saying he was proud of her won over both pieces of jewelry.

"Thank you, Daddy," whispers Manny, hugging him.

"Wear it to your movie premiere!" suggests J.J. "We want to go to that too."

"All of you?" asks Manny, letting Joseph go, staring hopefully at him.

"All of us," replies Joseph.

Manny hugs him one more time, pretty sure she's hugged the entire world tonight, but touched the most by this one. Then, she remembers the provider of her other necklace.

"Someone's missing," says Manny, releasing Joseph. "I'll...I'll be back."

She starts moving through the dance floor, receiving congratulations from Marco, Jimmy, some other students. Then, she sees Toby, sitting alone at a table, clearly thinking about something. If it was her, she'd be enthused, but he's probably not. Tip-toeing up to him, she places her hands over his eyes.

"Don't peek," whispers Manny in his ear .

"You got away from all that?" asks Toby, smiling, taking her hands down.

"For you? Yeah," replies Manny. "Come over and meet some people?"

By the way he acted after the scene, she wouldn't be surprised if he said no. Then again, he usually said yes. Hopefully, this will be the same.

"Okay," agrees Toby.

Manny and Toby walk side by side to her family, her mother instantly standing and shaking Toby's hand. She can see sweat forming on Toby's brow. Manny smiles at him, to make him less antsy.

"Toby!" says her mother. "Oh, you look so handsome. I loved...loved your acting."

"Thanks," says Toby. "But Manny...Manny's the real star."

"She is," agrees J.J. "But you were good too, man."

"Hi, Mr. Santos," greets Toby.

"You had the night off from the video store?" asks Joseph.

"Yeah," says Toby. "My boss is covering."

"Wait...you two have met?" asks Manny, looking from her father to Toby.

"I went to the store one day," supplies Joseph. "Nice place."

"I like it," says Toby, still sweating. "It's...there's tapes."

Toby rolls his eyes, clearly embarrassed with himself.

"And a floor," adds Manny, stamping her foot resolutely. "Tapes and a floor. It's perfect, high-class, all you could want."

They all laugh, Snake and Spike returning with Spinner and Emma at that moment. Emma had replaced her heels with sneakers, and Spinner's tie was undone.

"Second runner-ups don't have to wear heels!" gushes Emma, sticking her tongue out at Manny.

"Is that a prize?" asks Mrs. Santos.

"No, but this is," says Emma, patting Spinner's chest.

"Sick," groans Manny.

"Ha ha," says Emma, dryly. "You and Toby should come with us out on the dance floor."

Manny raises her eyebrows at Toby, who shrugs at her. He might not want to. Ugh, now she feels like back-tracking on what she said to Craig, go with her first instinct and tell him she wants to be friends. Emma can tell what I'm thinking, guesses Manny, receiving a half-smile from Emma.

"Mom? Dad?" says Manny.

"Go with your friends," encourages Mrs. Santos, winking at her. "And Toby."

Manny blushes. "Thanks, Mom."

The four of them approaching the dance floor, music streaming out of the speakers in front of a deejay booth, Emma's ex, Chris, spinning behind it. Manny forgot he still went to this school. Oh, well, she thinks, letting Toby wrap his arms around her waist. She can't forget how good this is, though, letting her arms go around Toby's head. Their dances were always amazing, too amazing to forget. The one at the ski lodge, the one during their date, and this one, this one is sweetest of all. But she's about to make it less sweet.

_Say good-bye to not knowing when  
The truth in my whole life began_

_Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry_

_You taught me that _

"I thought you left after the scene," says Manny.

"Had to return that pocket watch," explains Toby. "And I...I wouldn't have left."

"I know," breathes Manny.

"Congratulations," says Toby, rubbing her back. "You...you were wonderful. Are wonderful. You blew me away."

The feeling's more than mutual, thinks Manny. But she has to get things on the right track again. The florescent lights burn her eyes, and her eyes glide from the frilly pink streamers hanging from the basketball hoops to Chris swaying to the soft rhythm of the song to Emma running her hand through Spinner's hair.

_And I'll remember the strength that you gave me  
Now that I'm standing on my own_

_And I'll remember the way that you saved me_

_I'll remember_

"You should...should go to camp with no worries," says Manny, her body moving in sync with his.

"Okay?" says Toby, giving her a puzzled look.

"I have to tell you that...that I want us to be friends," chokes out Manny, a sour taste forming in her mouth. "It's for the best."

Ugh, lies tasted so horrible. Manny turns her head, continues to sway. Toby stops, however, shakes his head at her.

"I knew it," whispers Toby.

Toby starts walking quickly through the crowd. Manny's mouth drops. She thought this would be a relief for him. Running after him, she ignores all the comments directed at her this time, locates Toby heading down a hallway.

"Toby!" shouts Manny.

"Leave me alone!" says Toby, glancing back at her, still walking.

"Where are you going?" calls out Manny.

"I can't...can't stay here," says Toby.

She hates seeing him go, hates that he's confused as much as her. How many days would they have to go through this confusion? All she knows is that when she's kissing him, it's not confusing, or when they're having fun, or when it all seems so right it blows her away.

Toby's footsteps echo down the corridor, the sound slamming in her head, over the music, over everything, a cold echo that moves her heart, moves her to speak.

"Toby, I'm in love with you!" shouts Manny.

He stalls, turning around, smiles. That's good. He's smiling, the biggest smile she's ever seen on his face. And her saying those words made her warm all over, like they'd been sitting in her chest for all this time.

"You paid for the camp?" says Toby, softly.

"Yes," whispers Manny, turning red.

Toby's smile fades, and she's not sure that's good. What, didn't he at least like that? Toby goes to her, shaking his head. Manny lets her head fall, listening to him move, but she's surprised when he tips her head up, places his lips on hers. Manny sighs happily, lets the kiss grow deeper and deeper. Maybe it's because they haven't kissed in awhile, but she can feel her body go numb in a really delicious way. Toby's hand runs through her hair, something different for them, but she likes it, really likes it. It results in her crown toppling to the floor.

"Mmm," says Toby, reaching for it.

"Forget it," says Manny, pulling him back to her.

She kisses him some more, laying her palms on his cheeks, then lets go.

"This is the part where you say it back," says Manny, rubbing her lips.

"Ummmm," says Toby, shifting his gaze to the ground.

"I'll help," jokes Manny, grinning. "Manny, I love..."

Manny attempts to get him to stare at her again, but he's not budging, not budging at all. Toby bends down, retrieves the tiara.

"You're Miss Degrassi, Manny," says Toby, handing it to Manny.

"Yeah, I know," says Manny, shrugging.

"And I'm...going to computer camp," laughs Toby, nervously. "I like studying software and playing RPGs and reading comics."

"I read the newspaper comics," offers Manny, weakly. "Charlie Brown...he's the man."

"Manny," says Toby, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Go back to your party."

Toby throws her a sad look, then heads down the hall.

"No," whispers Manny to herself, trailing him.

By the time Manny catches up to him, Toby's at his car, about to put his keys in the door. Manny blocks him, standing between him and the door.

"Manny!" exclaims Toby. "What are you doing?"

"Maybe I shouldn't tell you," snaps Manny. "How does that feel, Toby, huh? Being on the other end and not hearing what you want to hear?"

Toby blows out a deep breath, Manny seeing a snowflake fall to the collar of his coat. She shivers, her shoulders bare to the cold because of her gown, but she won't break eye contact. This isn't fair. She told him something big, and nothing? Toby takes off his coat, tries to put it over her.

"No," says Manny, gently knocking the coat away.

"You'll get sick!" exclaims Toby.

"I don't care!" sobs Manny, tears spilling out of her eyes. "And you don't care either."

"I do!" insists Toby. "But I promised...I promised her I'd wait."

"Clara?" asks Manny.

Toby nods solemnly. "I don't want to hurt her."

"You're hurting me!" exclaims Manny. "You can't kiss me like that if..."

Manny starts to cough, so cold her lips are shivering, Toby managing to put the coat over her. Snow is coating everything. The parking lot, their clothes, Toby's glasses.

"And the other thing is," says Toby. "I really don't think you need a boyfriend right now."

"Because I'm a mess?" says Manny, frowning.

"No, because it's all coming together," says Toby. "Your dad's cheering you on, you're meeting with the agent. Other stuff you should be focusing on. Not to mention all this new Miss Degrassi stuff."

"I want to focus on us too," says Manny, rubbing his arm. "I love you. I love you so much, Toby."

"Please don't this to me, Manny," whispers Toby, tearing up. "Please."

She didn't want Toby to cry over this. But why, why was he making this so difficult? His loyalty to Clara is driving her up a wall. On the other hand, he kisses her, looks at her, treats her like he's in love with her too.

"Toby, king of mixed signals," whispers Manny, coldly. "If I was a carbon copy of Clara, I bet you wouldn't be so mixed up."

Toby unlocks his car door, gets in, a couple tears going down his nose.

"If you were anyone else, I wouldn't have fallen for you," says Toby, then shutting the door.

Great, thinks Manny, her heart speeding up as she watches him drive out of the lot. Another Toby bombshell that made her hopeful. Manny puts on her tiara again, wraps the coat around her, sheltering herself from the bitter wind. She goes inside, stops in the same spot where she said "I love you", aware she has to get through the rest of the party somehow. Leaning against a locker, she stares at that same spot, that same song still playing.

_No I've never been afraid to cry  
And I finally have a reason why._

_I'll remember._

She'd find some way to make him remember, remember that she's worth the risk too.


	38. Shine A Light

**XXXVIII. Shine A Light**

_Hear me, I'm knocking at your door  
Could it mean I'm coming back for more  
Could it be I could not stay away  
Now all I wanna do is say  
Ooh ooh ooh ooh _

I got to tell you how I feel  
It's getting oh so dark out here  
The moonlight is shining on my skin  
Now open up and let me in  
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Shine a light in your window  
Oooh, I'm here in the shadow  
I saw your face in the doorway  
Oooh, turned around and it slipped away

My body's shaking with the cold  
I'm feeling tired, feeling old  
And I see your fire burning bright  
Now please wake up for me tonight  
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Shine a light in your window  
Oooh, I'm here in the shadow  
I saw your face in the doorway  
Oooh, turned around and it slipped away

Hear me, I'm knocking at your door  
And you're in the doorway no more  
I'll stay right here at your door  
No way I'm going no more

"Potato chips, cupcakes, and lemonade," assesses Marco, glancing down at Craig's plate.

Crowded around the refreshment table, adorned with a gold tablecloth, Craig is loading up on the most non-nutritional things he can find, really the only food he can find.

"Practicing for college, Craig?" asks Marco. "You know, where they eat microwave popcorn for dinner, Ramen for lunch."

"I didn't eat, alright?" defends Craig."Pre-performance anxiety."

"Judging by the looks you were throwing her during the show, I'd say Ashley anxiety instead," teases Marco.

Craig peels off a cupcake wrapper, stuffs half of the cupcake into his mouth, points to his lips indicating that he can't talk. Marco smirks, pours himself some lemonade. He's hoping eating will provide a good cover. Him suggesting that he and Ashley take a break is what's best, but after talking with Manny about letting people go, actually taking the break looms in his mind. Sure, it means no dating, but would it include not talking, or hanging out? He's gotten so used to seeing Ashley everyday for rehearsals, and before then, being with her or being able to call her. Even now, watching Ashley congratulate Hazel near the deejay both, he can't stand the thought of cutting her off completely.

"Sure you want to go cold turkey?" prods Marco.

"Um...how cold would the turkey be?" replies Craig, after swallowing.

"You're hopeless," says Marco, rolling his eyes. "Look, when Dylan wanted to open things up, I sorta agreed to it, didn't expect to feel certain things. You were there, and it got bad. So I'd highly recommend talking about it in depth."

Ashley hugs Hazel, starts weaving through dancers, including Sully doing the Electric Slide with Spinner and Emma following along. She's headed right for him.

"You're right," whispers Craig to Marco. "Completely right."

"Good," says Marco. "Anyway, Tim's trying out for _Macbeth _later this year and..."

Craig pounds Marco's back hard, forcing Marco's lemonade to spill down the front of his jacket.

"Hey!" complains Marco.

"What's up, guys?" asks Ashley, smiling at them.

"Nothing," answers Craig. "Marco was just going to clean up...right, Marco?"

Marco groans, shoots Craig a mean look, well, as mean as Marco could be, which isn't very much.

"Yeah," sighs Marco, then whispering to Craig. "You owe me a shirt."

Craig stares at Marco going off, shrugs at Ashley who didn't seem wise to what he actually did. He's somewhat confused as to where to start. After all, he's the one who initiated the break.

"The Squatch is getting major props tonight," says Ashley, shyly.

"The seal of approval," agrees Craig. "Um...I think...think we should talk about what we were talking about earlier."

"The break?"

"Yeah, that. What are you thinking about it?"

Ashley darts her eyes, goes up and down on the ball of her shoes.

"It's...it's good," stammers Ashley.

Craig slouches his shoulders. This isn't the reaction he wants, although can he blame her? It's time to herself, for her own talent. But it's away from me, he complains inwardly.

"Good," says Craig, quietly. "Great."

"Great," whispers Ashley, glancing at the floor.

Ashley reaches for a cookie, slowly chews it. Craig does the same, stares at the dance floor, where Sully has convinced the whole group to do the Slide at this point.

"How long do you think it's going to be?" asks Ashley.

"The party?" says Craig.

"No, what we were talking about," corrects Ashley.

"Oh!" exclaims Craig. "How long do you need?"

"Might be a while," answers Ashley.

A while? There is no set length for a while. Craig stuffs another cookie into his mouth. They both sigh.

"I hate the Electric Slide," groans Craig.

"Me too," says Ashley.

"What are you doing for the holidays?" asks Craig.

"Hanging around the house probably," shrugs off Ashley. "You?"

"Ditto," replies Craig. "Oh, but there's...there's a party at this place."

Ashley's eyes widen. "You're going to a party...like...like alone?"

Craig attempts to hide a smile. She really has no reason to be jealous, but that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy seeing her care. Everyone on the floor dips to the beat, claps, inches back. It's the one moment in this conversation where he feels as light-hearted as them.

"It's at a shelter where Diane volunteers," comforts Craig. "I'm playing them some songs on Christmas Eve."

"Darcy told me about that," says Ashley. "That's cool you'll be performing."

"You could come!" offers Craig. "If...if you're not busy."

"Would that...that be a good idea?"

Craig stays silent for a bit, can't see any harm in Ashley coming. It's one night, and it wouldn't take too much out of her time. Before he can speak, she does.

"Probably not, right?" says Ashley. "We should get used to...to being apart."

Ashley bites her lip, crosses her arms, waits for Craig to respond.

"That's what a break is," says Craig, shoving his hands in his pockets.

It's what a break is, he repeats to himself.

"See you, Craig," says Ashley, smiling weakly.

"See ya," returns Craig, watching her leave.

She looks one last time at Craig, slightly grinning, then disappears into the crowd, in the direction of her mother. He really thought she'd come to the party, one final outing before they cut off contact. Too hopeful, he guesses.

"Am I lemonade resistant now?" questions Marco, approaching Craig, hesitantly.

"No more," promises Craig.

"And you and Ash came to some type of understanding?"

Craig frowns. "Have no clue, but I'll be spending Christmas alone."

II.

"Say cheese!" orders Ellie, about to press the button on her camera.

Manny huddles in between all her students, tiara still slightly off-center, not really caring if it is. Toby's abrupt departure runs through her mind– the resolve, then the sadness, then his tears. It pokes at her heart, especially since she has no idea what's underneath all of it. She may be Miss Degrassi, but what did that mean? Why did Toby think it would change anything? She would do all the things she did with him before, despite her new commitments. Surrounded by Ms. O' Neill's class, it's that much more clear to her that she hasn't changed.

Alyssa loops her arms with Manny, breaking her reverie. Manny smiles down at her, while Henry, who stands next to her, shouts "Potatoes!" Ellie snaps the picture.

"Thanks for the interview," she says.

"No problem," says Manny.

It is strange to talk to Ellie, though it had been several weeks since the drumstick incident and a lot of Ellie's questions were fairly easy to answer.

"And congratulations," says Ellie. "The title was definitely befitting of you tonight."

Ellie's comment sounds genuine enough for her to believe it's heartfelt. Manny gives her an appreciative nod, before Ellie leaves.

"Manny, you looked like a real princess!" exclaims Alyssa. "I was about to fall out of my chair before they said your name."

"I told Henry you'd win!" announces Ryan.

"No, I said it first!" argues Henry.

Ryan and Henry start to push each other.

"Hey!" warns Manny.

"We're not in class," points out Ryan, sticking out his tongue at Henry.

"You gotta listen to her cause she's Miss Degrassi," breaks in Beth, smiling at Manny.

"Fine," says Henry. "I'll get you later."

The two boys stare at one another for a little longer, then appear to lose interest, getting excited when they hear a Yung Joc song. Henry runs to the dance floor, Ryan following him.

"I thought you were the prettiest, Manny," comments Beth, hugging Manny.

"Thanks, Beth," says Manny.

"And...I like your dress, Alyssa," continues Beth.

Alyssa's jaw drops, and she glances at Manny, shock written on her face. Beth and Alyssa getting along? Let me see if I can nudge this along, thinks Manny.

"There are cupcakes over there for you guys," informs Manny. "And here, Alyssa. This is too heavy for me to wear all night."

She unclips the tiara, puts it on Alyssa's head, making it more secure than it was on hers. Alyssa touches it gingerly, beams.

"Cool," sighs Beth.

"Be careful with that. Go ahead," says Manny, nodding to the refreshment table.

"I'll be careful," assures Alyssa.

Alyssa and Beth walk over, Manny remembering when she was that small, when that girl on the playground teased her. No one has teased her all night...well, except for Toby, though in a much different way. She spies Hazel, Paige, and Alex talking under the basketball hoops, goes to them.

"I thought all the action was at the three point line," speaks up Manny.

"No, only Spinner and Emma proving dorks can't dance to hip-hop," jokes Paige.

Manny glances at her best friend and Spinner trying desperately to find the beat, always a little under. At least Emma is laughing at their attempt.

"After all that stress, okay to be a little dorky," defends Manny.

"Valid point," says Paige, taking off her sash and placing it over Alex. "Miss Congeniality, people?"

They all laugh.

"This is so the prize I'm suited for," says Alex, shimmying a bit in the Miss Congeniality sash.

"You should be proud," jokes Manny.

"And Miss Hazel here should be proud," says Paige, hugging Hazel from the side. "No offense to you, Manny, but Hazel's articulateness and class...totally award-worthy tonight."

"Awww," says Hazel, leaning her head on Paige. "I love it when competition brings people together."

"I love free food," says Alex, getting behind Paige and Hazel, pushing them to the snacks.

Manny laughs, shakes her head. In a way, Hazel is right. The absence of competition, all that hostility, is clearly having some effect. All the petty arguments don't seem to matter anymore, or the insults, or the stress. It's like running a race, and feeling the wind on your face when you realize it's done. It's all done.

Or so I thought, thinks Manny, viewing Mrs. Tellman and Ms. Dale coming towards her with a heavy cloth bag. After the press left, Mrs. Tellman informed her that she and Ms. Dale wanted to go over her first assignments as Miss Degrassi. Manny told her parents and J.J. to go home. They resisted at first, but gave in when her father admitted he had to work early in the morning. She sent them home after a round of hugs, saying she'd get a lift with Snake, Spike, and Emma.

"Miss Degrassi," greets Mrs. Tellman, happily. "This is for you."

Manny reluctantly takes the bag, nearly keels over. In the bag is community information, events where they'd like her to appear, school projects where she could be of help. Mrs. Dale places a couple packets in her hands as well. The packets were heavy, her straining to hold onto them.

"Your scene...phenomenal," compliments Ms. Dale. "I knew you had it in you."

"Wow...I appreciate that, Ms. Dale," breathes Manny.

The agent loved her scene! Everyone else saying they enjoyed it made her feel good, but this comment from Ms. Dale makes her want to run to a bookstore, grab a million scripts, and start auditioning the very next day. No, slow down. There's the consultation, where Ms. Dale would help her in that regard.

"My office is open tomorrow," says Ms. Dale. "Is four o' clock good for you?"

Manny nods, catches her balance when the weight of the packets seems to have grown.

"Four o' clock, fine," guarantees Manny.

Ms. Dale smiles, leaves her with Mrs Tellman.

"So glad you decided to stay in the proceedings, Miss Santos," says Mrs. Tellman."Wouldn't have been the same without you."

"Thanks for convincing me to stay," says Manny.

"I particularly enjoyed your last interview answer," confesses Mrs. Tellman. "Especially since you're...well, already an inspiration to some."

They both look at Alyssa, giggling with Beth, the tiara gleaming over Alyssa's long, black hair. The image stirs Manny's heart, a small reward that means more than she can say.

"The ribbon cutting is the first assignment," says Mrs. Tellman, facing Manny again. "I marked the pages. Call me before the week is up."

Manny nods. Mrs. Tellman waves, walks away. Trying her best to make it appear like she's fine, Manny finally releases a deep breath, lugs the bag and packet to a nearby table, her head down. Okay, before the talk with Toby, definitely wasn't envisioning this, moans Manny, getting it all on the table.

"Need a forklift?" asks a voice she's heard so often before, but this time much more soft.

She manages to face Heather, who sits at the table by herself, twirling a straw in a water bottle.

"That might do," says Manny, laughing weakly. "Mind if I sit and read?"

"You wouldn't be talking?" replies Heather.

"I'll take that as a yes," sighs Manny, taking a seat. "Where's your mom?"

"Bailed," answers Heather. "Not before telling me I'm a talentless loser. Just grateful she showed at this point."

Manny flips open a page in the packet, eyes locked on Heather's. In that cold, blue stare, she does see something sometimes, though it's so hard to trust it. She might be nice, under all of that. Might be.

"That girl...wearing your crown. She your little sister?" asks Heather.

"No," says Manny. "I only have a brother."

"But she looks up to you?" continues Heather, her voice at its softest.

Manny turns another page. "Yes."

"Katie looks up to me. My younger sister. It's nice," says Heather.

Heather sniffles, while Manny stays quiet, afraid that this level of politeness may end at any moment.

"I know I'm mean," says Heather.

"Do you?" says Manny, a little pathetically.

"Darcy's dress...I thought she might actually tackle Emma, and get rid of the pair of them," says Heather, rolling her eyes. "Saint Darcy, of course, didn't. You stepping in didn't exactly help."

Manny raises her eyebrows.

"The pills...kinda genius on my part," says Heather, softly. "Smash 'em up enough, put it in water, let Nate drink. Stashing the body was the hard part."

"Wow," whispers Manny. "I...I'm not sure what you want me to say."

"Say it didn't work," says Heather, a cold smile on her lips. "My mom would say the same if she knew what I did. My father...he's drowning in vodka most likely, so much he has no clear sense of reality. You'd understand that, with your drunken escapade earlier this year."

Manny massages her forehead. Heather always comes through with a cheap shot.

"Are you sorry...at all?" asks Manny. "It didn't lead to anything."

"It lead to you getting Isaacs as a partner, you taking talent," supplies Heather. "You should thank me, Manny. The good girls can't get there without a little interference, a little push. Otherwise, the bad girls win."

Heather grins, proudly stares forward. Though as she walks away, Manny can tell her back is tensing, her heart is breaking under all that grinning.

She goes back to reading, Heather's retreat resting in her mind until there's a tap on her shoulder. Nate stands in front of her, dressed in jeans and a blue T-shirt. To look more formal, he'd added a silk blue tie.

"I'm clothed!" announces Nate, smiling. "And out of a job? Apparently, Toby was Marlon Brando while I was zonked out."

"Yeah," laughs Manny. "But I appreciate all you've done, Nate. I really do."

Heather being unhappy makes her think back to Toby, who despite his resolve, broke down, couldn't reveal his true feelings like Heather, maybe out of pride, or fear, or both. If she and Toby can't be happy tonight, someone should.

Smiling when she finds who she's looking for, Manny grabs Nate's hand and takes him to the three-point line on the court. Nate glances at Manny suspiciously, but seems to know what to do.

"Hey, Darcy," says Nate.

"Um...hi," says Darcy, shyly.

"You wanna dance?" he asks.

"With me?" says Darcy, smiling. "Sure...fine."

Nate and Darcy walk to the dance floor, Nate not sure where to put his hands until Darcy allows him access to her waist. They are smiling, nervous, but they are moving. Manny's sure that whatever obstacles her and Toby have to go through, they can move along too.

III.

Toby yawns, turns on the video store computer first thing in the morning. He barely got any sleep last night, viewed the snow falling in sheets through his bedroom window. It reminded him of how Manny looked in it during their final interaction. So sweet, shivering, pleading for some type of revelation. Did he want to give it to her, say those words with all the freedom in the world? Yes, yes, yes. He said it in his head all the way on the drive home, her saying "I love you" the final memory that came before he fell asleep.

The computer beeps that it's ready for the day, and the door rings, indicating J.T.'s entrance. His face is buried deep in a catalog, him muttering to himself.

"Rattles...rattles," mumbles J.T.

"What are you doing here?" asks Toby, surprised to see J.T. up this early.

"Baby shopping," says J.T. "Oh, and to interrogate you about Manny."

Toby groans. He wondered if anyone saw him leave the floor with Manny going after him. J.T. obviously had.

"Don't want to talk about it," says Toby, clicking an icon on the computer.

"That's what I expected you to say," says J.T.

He starts to type. After a few minutes, he feels his neck growing warmer and warmer. Turning his head, Toby covers his eyes. J.T. had retrieved a lamp, holding it up to Toby's face.

"Blinding me much?!" complains Toby.

"Spill or the computer gets it," says J.T. "Okay, not really. Just tell."

"Promise not to tell?" snaps Toby.

"Fo' shizzle," replies J.T., lowering the lamp.

Toby glances around instinctively, though he knows it's a weekday and no one will be in this early.

"Manny told me that...that she loves me," says Toby, widely grinning.

J.T. smiles. "What?"

That popped into his mind at first too. What? In love with him? Then, all her actions started to string themselves together in his mind. The tears she cried, the smiles she gave him, introducing him to her parents, and of course, the camp. Without words coming to him, he could only kiss her, let his mind drift, drift to a place where those three words were all he needed to let him know she was speaking the truth.

"You...this is what you wanted...wanted to hear," stammers J.T., clapping him on the back. "Yes! Toby!"

"Um...don't celebrate yet," says Toby, quietly.

"What now, man!" exclaims J.T. "Heather manipulate dirty pics of you and Clara and email them to Manny or something?"

"Huh...no...no!" cries Toby. "Only...Clara is involved."

"You want her too?" laughs J.T. "After rapping, I can say, Toby, you ain't a player. Don't front."

"There's no fronting," says Toby. "Clara's...got these feelings..."

"And you have no feelings, so cut it off," interjects J.T. "You're a nice guy, Toby, but come on!"

"I said I'd wait," says Toby.

J.T. blows out a breath. "Okay, comparison time."

"Not salt and pepper again," groans Toby.

"Oh no, we gotta go deeper than that," says J.T. "We're doing Liberty's stand-by. The old pro and con list."

Toby stares outside the store window. Well, there were no customers, and maybe this would help.

"Fine," whispers Toby.

J.T. draws a line down the middle of the back of the catalog, putting Clara's name on the left side, Manny's on the right.

"Pros for Clara," says J.T. "She's got a lot in common with you."

Toby nods. "And she's...she's loyal."

"Like an overzealous fan," mutters J.T. under his breath.

"Shut up and keep going," defends Toby.

"Sorry," says J.T. "I'll give her some more props. I doubt she has wandering eyes, so cheating's out, and she'd wait for you. Con is she's majorly pushy."

"Agreed," says Toby.

"Now for Manny," says J.T. after writing down things under Clara's name. "She's hot."

"And," says Toby, pointedly. "She's compassionate, funny, smart. I've known her longer. She supports me."

"I wonder if Manny would wait," brings up J.T., tapping his chin with the pencil.

"For me?" says Toby.

"Yeah, for you," says J.T.

"Not likely," shrugs Toby. "I mean, if I didn't say anything, and Craig came into the picture."

"Forget Craig," says J.T. "She hasn't talked to him in weeks. This is about you and her."

J.T.'s revelation about Craig settles him a bit. J.T. was around the pageant and center long enough to know.

"Ask her to wait," says J.T. "Let you go to camp single. See what she says."

"No...no, she won't," replies Toby.

She'd already gotten upset with him for waiting on telling her how he felt. If he asked her to wait until he comes back from camp...no, she'd never do that. She may even hate him at this point, though Toby's fairly sure you can't go from loving someone to hating someone in one day.

"Clara can wait," says J.T. "If Manny can't, that's a con for her. And I can't think of any other cons for our friend, Tobes. Other than she has an unheathy love of pink."

"The pink thing's kinda cute," says Toby, smiling.

"Don't ever say that again," groans J.T. "But ask her."

Toby glances at J.T. nervously. It seems such a huge thing to ask At the same time, if she loves him, will it matter when they got going, when he says those words to her?

"Okay," says Toby.

"Excellent," says J.T. "Oh, one more pro for Manny."

J.T. scribbles something down, nods confidently. Toby reads it.

"Toby's in love with her," reads J.T. "The biggest pro of them all."

IV.

Mild sunlight streams through, shining on Manny's comforter as she turns back and forth, back and forth. The sunlight doesn't fit her mood, Manny throwing the pillow over her head in frustration. Her heart feels too dark for this great weather. Where are the clouded over skies when you need them?

She hears the steps to the basement creak, several feet making their way downstairs. It's probably Spike and Emma doing laundry. They liked to do it, even if Manny was sleeping. She couldn't really complain, being a guest in their home.

"Manny!" sings Emma, quietly, jumping in the bed with her.

Poking Manny through her comforter, Manny groans. She feels something light and silky touch her nose, opens her eyes. Emma dangles a red ribbon in front of Manny's face, chuckles.

"What?" says Manny, smiling.

"I've got scissors," speaks up Spike, presenting her with a small pair.

"And I've got pancakes," announces Snake, Manny seeing Emma's father holding a breakfast tray with pancakes, a small lit candle in the middle of a stack of flapjacks.

"You guys," says Manny, blushing.

"Cut the ribbon," says Emma, stretching out the ribbon. "Some practice before you do the real one."

Manny grins, snips the air with the scissors a couple times, before cutting through the ribbon with one movement.

"She's a pro, ladies and gentlemen," says Snake, beaming. "A real pro. Ribbon cutting ceremonies today, taking over the world tomorrow."

"Thanks, you guys," says Manny, grinning. "This is so sweet."

Snake sets down the tray on Manny's bed, grabs Spike's hand, and they trudge up the stairs, closing the door behind them.

"I love my parents, but I want to keep yours too," says Manny, squeezing Emma's arm.

"We'll work out the details if you ever move home," waves off Emma. "Anyways, thought you needed a pick-me-up."

"Yeah?" says Manny, picking up a fork.

"While I was dancing, saw you come back defeated," admits Emma. "You won, so that wasn't why you were glum. Assume it's Toby-related."

Manny pushes the food away, folds her arms.

"He can't say he loves me," says Manny. "I swear, Emma, he acts like it. Everything's there, and he can't say it."

"Makes no sense," says Emma, stretching out on the bed.

"He's doing it to protect Clara...I think? It's hard to say. Or to protect himself? He doesn't want to get involved with a Miss Degrassi."

"Why not?"

"It doesn't matter, because I'm Manny. I don't care if we're different if we feel the same, you know?"

Emma nods sympathetically.

By trying hard, she knows she can make him confident that it can work. He helped build her confidence, enough that she walked away with this title, the title Toby is afraid of for some reason. Today, today would be the start of trying. He'd be working all day too.

"Time to pull out all the stops," says Manny. "If I can cut a ribbon, I can get him to talk."

V.

Overhead, Adam Sandler is trying his best to get Drew Barrymore to remember him, faking some road construction as rain pours down, putting his beloved penguin in harm's way. _50 First Dates._ Toby watches for a minute, then goes back to reviewing the numbers Christian asked him to. He has noticed that business has been up lately, in the past few weeks, pretty sure that it has something to do with a certain bubbly ex co-worker. Mr. Santos wasn't the only one who came in looking for her. Kids especially liked her, though not as much as he did.

J.T. promised to return with a sandwich for him at lunchtime, but as usual, he was a little late. No customers came in really, so he could eat at the counter with no worries. No lunch yet. Toby didn't need any distractions anyway, starting to add a row of numerals. The door on the bell clangs, signaling J.T.'s arrival.

"Hey, J.T.," says Toby, carrying the one.

To his surprise, J.T. doesn't answer with his usual witty retort or an excuse. He hears the shuffling of video boxes, guesses J.T. must be selecting a movie, then Toby counts off in his head, not looking up as a video hits the desk. His eyes shift to it. _Clueless_. Glancing up, his heart skips a beat. Manny, her Miss Degrassi bag over her shoulders, gazes back at him.

"These too," says Manny, putting down a group of magazines next to the video.

Not speaking, he nods, goes to the backroom, pulse racing. What is she doing here? He half expected her to yell at him, though that wasn't her. He retrieves the tape, scans it as Manny watches him. Then, he reaches for the magazines, expecting to see some celebrities in the latest fashions, the coolest cars. Nope. _PC Today, MacWorld, PC World. _All technological mainstays, computer guides.

"Some light reading," says Manny, handing him the money.

Toby smiles. "Not very subtle, are you?"

"Not when it's someone I like," says Manny, grinning.

Toby's cheeks redden, him scratching his head. Manny slips the magazines into her bag.

"You shouldn't want to talk to me," sighs Toby. "I wouldn't talk to me."

"I'm feeling talkative today," says Manny, setting down her bag. "Are you?"

Toby grins nervously, drops his head.

"Toby, I know there's someone else in this situation," says Manny. "And I love that you're sweet, and you want to look out for her. But it's not fair. Craig strung me along, and I got hurt."

"Clara's felt this way for a long time," says Toby, staring into Manny's eyes.

"So have I," says Manny, leaning over the counter, her mouth inches away from Toby's.

Toby backs up, runs a hand through his hair. Manny shakes her head, removes something from her bag. Her vest.

"What...what are you doing?" asks Toby.

"You expect me to work here after all that's gone down?" says Manny, frowning.

"You're not working anymore?"

"What?" says Manny, her eyes tearing up. "You don't think it's best?"

Heat rises in Toby's chest. He wants her to return, to be around her. She can't just bail like this.

"Do what you feel is best," says Toby, angrily.

"I should say the same thing to you," shoots back Manny. "Then again, you're so responsible, especially to certain people."

"Give your vest to Christian," snaps Toby. "You're the one who promised to..."

"I didn't promise anything!" argues Manny. "You asked, but I never gave a stupid answer."

Toby bangs the table with his fist, the papers on the counter shuffling. Manny flinches.

"I don't want you to leave!" exclaims Toby.

Manny's features start to soften, a wide smile crossing her face.

"You don't?" asks Manny.

"No," says Toby, smiling. "I want...want you to be here when I come back."

Manny shyly takes his hand, leads him out from behind the counter. Her touching him feels as good as the kiss they shared last night.

"What else?" prompts Manny.

Ugh, this is hard, thinks Toby. He always melts when he stares into her eyes. He's so close to not caring about anyone else, anything else. Still, the conversation with J.T. lingers, like an annoying pest.

"Wait for me," whispers Toby.

"What?" breathes Manny.

"After camp," says Toby. "Please."

Manny shakes her head. "I don't...don't wait, Toby. I did a couple years ago, and Craig never followed through. That's not me."

"But it...it is me," explains Toby. "It is, Manny."

Manny releases his hand, grabs her bag.

"You...you can't do it?" chokes out Toby, a hard lump resting in his throat.

"Toby, I don't know if...," starts Manny.

"No, no, I understand," says Toby.

It's just he and J.T. were so sure she would, thinks Toby. The truth hurts, as tears burn the back of his eyes. He'd hold a smile regardless. After last night, didn't want to cry in front of her anymore.

"You have stuff to do so...," says Toby, picking up his pencil again, starting to write.

Manny opens her mouth to speak, but starts for the exit, rubbing her temple. He starts to add again, sobbing entering his ears. He looks at Manny, wiping her eyes.

"Toby...you need to know that I...I have no regrets," cries Manny.

It takes all his strength to remain there, to not comfort her. But those words stung. It practically sounds like an ending.

"If this is it, no regrets, alright?" sobs Manny. "Tell Christian I'll be here on the twenty-sixth."

Toby slightly nods his head, tears finally giving way, everything in his sight growing more and more blurry.


	39. Promise To Try

**XXXIX. Promise To Try**

_Little girl don't you forget her face  
Laughing away your tears  
When she was the one who felt all the pain _

Little girl never forget her eyes  
Keep them alive inside  
I promise to try -- it's not the same

Keep your head held high -- ride like the wind  
Never look behind, life isn't fair  
That's what you said, so I try not to care

Little girl don't run away so fast  
I think you forgot to kiss -- kiss her goodbye

Will she see me cry when I stumble and fall  
Does she hear my voice in the night when I call  
Wipe away all your tears, it's gonna be all right

I fought to be so strong, I guess you knew  
I was afraid you'd go away, too

Little girl you've got to forget the past  
And learn to forgive me  
I promise to try -- but it feels like a lie

Don't let memory play games with your mind  
She's a faded smile frozen in time  
I'm still hanging on -- but I'm doing it wrong

**Sally's Song is the property of the film the Nightmare Before Christmas, original music by Danny Elfman.**

The faces in black and white snapshots peer down at her, some with fully exposed grins, others with hidden smiles. Though her eyes are still a little wet from crying, she can make out the gold-plated sign behind the secretary's desk. Bluewave Talent Agency. However disoriented she was in her mind during that last conversation with Toby, she managed to make it here on time, despite a couple wrong turns in the process.

Now, the idea of her joining these black and white pictures, being a Bluewave client, eases her a bit. She's here, after that horrendous meeting with Bernice Fein, where they told her to "dump the lumps", and then her father labelling her a slut, sending her to Peter's party. Then, the dirty e-mail happened, making her the object of ridicule. It takes her a second to realize that yes, things have shifted so much. Ms. Dale is supportive, and she is the first Miss Degrassi, earning the respect of the school. And the most beautiful surprise she left wondering about her in the video store. But didn't he know? Waiting could change everything. It didn't have to, but in her life, it often caused problems.

A girl with red hair, chandelier earrings, in a dress that looks more like a long shirt, sits in one of the purple plush chairs flipping through what appears to be a script. Manny wonders if she's a client too, or like her, someone just starting out. She approaches the secretary tentatively.

"Hi, I'm Manny Santos," she says. "Here to see Ms. Dale. Four o' clock."

The secretary stares at Manny, clearly bored, but buzzes Ms. Dale, indicates for Manny to sit. Manny sets her bag down on the floor in front of another plush chair, sits right next to the girl reading. Earlier that day, she called Mrs. Tellman about the ribbon cutting ceremony, with Mrs. Tellman recommending that her, Manny, and Ms. Dale do a conference call during the consultation so any possible schedule conflicts in the future could be resolved. Manny's thankful Mrs. Tellman isn't letting the Miss Degrassi commitments interfere with her schooling or her acting goals. Manny searches through the bag for the ceremony information, instead finding one of the computer magazines she bought.

This camp. She paid for it, and it has turned into something that she can barely stand. Then, Toby's happiness over what he'd be doing there, and joy over her being the one who paid, comes to her and she opens the magazine, smiling. It's an article on media development software. Might have something to do with television or film. She definitely knows those subjects, so perhaps it'd be a good place to start.

She reads for a bit, hears a small shake of metal, sees a long strand of red hair drip over her coat sleeve.

"Oh, Disney," says the girl next to her. "Good place for beginners."

Manny raises her head, stares into a pair of piercing light blue eyes. The girl was apparently reading over her shoulder. Disney is, in fact, mentioned in the second paragraph.

"Eh, it's all tech speak," mutters the girl. "You dating a grip or something? That's the only reason to read mess like that."

"No," laughs Manny, flustered. "I...um...well, there _is _a guy. He wants...to be an animator."

"Oooh, big money," she compliments. "Pixar...so current. Myself, I'm flirting it up with a young, hot director."

Manny's eyes bug out. "You're...you're what? Sixteen?"

"Seventeen. I like older men."

"Oh."

"Never seen you here before," says the girl, crossing her legs. "You new?"

"Um...yeah, not signed yet," explains Manny. "Manuella. Or Manny."

"Manny?" she says, looking at her admiringly. "Names that double for guys and girls...really good for actresses. Drew, Cameron..."

"Paris," offers Manny.

They both laugh, then the girl extends her hand to Manny.

"Lia," she says. "Lia Andrews. Transferred from Bernice Fine to here."

Manny rolls her eyes. "Bernice blasted me. Do you like it here more?"

"It's awesome," assures Lia. "I've done three commercials in the last four months. Hair stuff. Colleen's a lot more interactive with you, and she always makes sure you're still learning about acting if you're less seasoned. I'm going to this training camp in L.A. this summer., for a month in July. Daddy lives out there."

"A drama camp?"

"Yep, with scouts from top Hollywood studios. That's how a lot of newbie actresses get film roles."

Manny beams. She really had lucked into a great place, and this camp sounds too good to be true. Her parents might even let her go, with the right persuasion.

"I've been in one film," says Manny. "Not a lead but..."

"Wow!" interrupts Lia. "That's still some experience. Scouts love that. You should ask Colleen about it."

Manny nods enthusiastically, relieved to finally have something positive today. Colleen could, of course, still say no.

"Ms. Santos," calls the secretary, who stands near Ms. Dale's door. "Ms. Dale will see you now."

Manny gets up, shoulders her bag, grins at Lia. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," replies Lia. "Good luck with your animator."

The secretary holds open the door for Manny, then shuts it as soon as she goes in. Colleen Dale sits at her desk, rifling through her Rolodex. Her strawberry blonde hair is housed in a tiny bun, and she wears a black pantsuit. She looked way more informal during the pageant, although it made sense that that would be the case.

"Sit down, Ms. Santos," instructs Ms. Dale.

Manny sits down in a hard, plastic-covered chair across from Ms. Dale. Ms. Dale stops going through the Rolodex, stares at Manny.

"Hi," says Manny, nervously.

"Good afternoon," returns Ms. Dale.

"Umm...I brought my Miss Degrassi schedule."

"Alright. I'll get Theresa on the phone."

She punches in some numbers on her phone, Manny taking time to breathe in and out.

"Hello?" says a voice Manny recognizes as Ms. Tellman's.

"Theresa, hi," says Ms. Dale. "I have Manny Santos here. We're about to start her consultation."

"I see," says Ms. Tellman. "Hello Miss Santos."

"Hello," says Manny, as cheerful as she can.

"She's going to have a host of activities in January, Colleen," informs Ms. Tellman. "And of course, the ribbon cutting ceremony on Christmas Day."

"It's at the mall, right?" asks Ms. Dale. "I'd like to be there, bring my photographer so we can get some shots of Manny."

A photographer? Manny knew there might be some press there, but hearing that makes it more of a reality.

"It's at a hardware store," speaks up Manny.

"Correct," says Ms. Tellman. "It's Campanelli's Hardware, right across from the Mexican restaurant."

Manny's forehead begins to ache, her palms sweaty.

"The...the Mexican restaurant?" she stammers.

"Yes. Is that a problem, Manny?" asks Ms. Tellman. "You sound agitated?"

A problem! Sure, drag her to the place where she and Toby went on their first date, she wants to shout. Force me to relive everything. She feels like cutting up a million ribbons. But no, this is her first task, and her parents, Emma's parents, and Emma already said they'd come.

"No...I'm excited," says Manny, hesitantly.

"How about I fax you a schedule so you and Manny can finish your meeting?" offers Ms. Tellman. "You can in turn fax me anything you have planned for her."

"That sounds feasible," remarks Ms. Dale. "Talk with you later."

"See you at the ceremony," says Ms. Tellman. "Manny, I'm leaving you an envelope outside Ms. O' Neill's office. Inside are some tickets to the Rotary Club meeting next month."

"Okay," says Manny.

Ms. Dale puts down the phone, straightens up some business cards, notices Manny has a pained smile on her face.

"You alright?" asks Ms. Dale, the most warmth she's shown Manny since her arrival.

"Yeah," says Manny, shrugging, shifting her eyes. "It's just...just...I love Mexican food."

II.

"I shouldn't have said anything!" exclaims J.T., grabbing one of the baskets at the front of the bookstore.

Toby wishes J.T. would drop it, focus on what they came to do. He'd hardly shopped this year, for people who did celebrate Christmas. Kate, J.T., Ashley. J.T., not too hard. He'd buy him that video game cheat code book he'd wanted since forever. Kate might take some time. What he doesn't want to focus on is Manny leaving the store in tears, telling him she can't wait, though J.T. is making it difficult.

"It's not your fault," assures Toby.

"I was so sure she'd say yes, or else I wouldn't have pushed it," says J.T. "I mean, it's Manny. She's pretty patient. Not for this, I guess."

"It sorta makes sense," says Toby, moving down an aisle. "She's waited before, and got hurt."

"Not by you," says J.T., following him. "Why should you pay for Craig's mistakes?"

A couple boys with toy reindeer antlers on their heads pass, their tired father following them, as J.T. and Toby walk to the reference section of the store. J.T. smiles at them for a second, then starts tracing his finger along the shelves.

"I've pretty much decided I want a son," whispers J.T.

"Yeah?" says Toby, brightening a bit, due to the change in subject.

J.T. nods. "A smart one. Which is why..."

He takes a large, blue book with stylized letting from the shelves, holds it up for Toby.

"Ta da!" he says, excitedly. "The Compact Oxford English Dictionary. Liberty's present of choice this year. She'll be looking up Latin roots while Junior's in the womb. I'll be staring on, as clueless as ever. At least there's illustrations."

Toby chuckles. Even if he's not satisfied with his romantic life, he's glad J.T. and Liberty are on the right track. J.T. tries to put the book in the basket, but after several moments of frustration, gives up. He hands Toby the basket.

"So who are you buying stuff for?" asks J.T., cradling the dictionary.

"I got my parents stuff last month so that's done," replies Toby. "Kate and Ash, still need to shop for them."

"And your best friend?" jokes J.T., grinning.

"If I feel like it," returns Toby. "Then Emma..."

"And Emma's best friend?" says J.T., nudging Toby in the stomach with the dictionary.

Toby sighs. "Got her jewelry already."

"Right, right," says J.T., pointedly. "The necklace she wears. Every day."

Toby stays quiet, walks away from J.T., who he can hear trailing him, knows what section he's looking for. He stops in front of a big collection of carefully drawn characters fighting on the covers of books.

"Clara might like this one," he mutters, grabbing one.

"Clara?" says J.T.

Toby failed to tell J.T. about the last thing Manny said in their conversation, that if it's over, there'd be no regrets. He didn't completely understand what that implied, but the word "over" stayed with him the rest of the shift. She'd move on, continue to work at the store, and maybe in the future they'd get along again. He will have to do the same, as much as it hurts.

"It's manga," replies Toby. "She loves this series, and I haven't gotten her anything yet and Hanukkah's over."

"A nice friendly gift," assesses J.T.

"Well, what if...what if I don't want it to be a friendly gift?" says Toby.

"Rewind!" exclaims J.T. "How is Manny going to feel?"

"Manny's got other things going on, J.T.," replies Toby, sadly eyeing the book. "She's not going to remember me when she's doing all this Miss Degrassi stuff, especially after I asked her to wait. Clara, on the other hand..."

"So you're choosing Clara just cause she will wait and Manny won't?"

"Well...yeah. It helps that we can talk about the same things, we like the same things..."

"You're an idiot! A smart guy that somehow turned into an idiot!" interrupts J.T., grabbing Toby's hand.

"Hey!" says Toby, nearly dropping the manga.

J.T. yanks Toby's arm, all the way to the front of the store where there's a row of different newspapers. Letting Toby go, he starts fetching various newspapers, Toby staring at him aghast. He really thinks his friend has gone insane, until J.T. presents him with a number of papers. The face that's grown so familiar, that's stamped on his brain and heart stares back at him, smile across her lips, tiara on her hair.

"It's Manny, Tobes," says J.T., quietly. "You guys have gone through Heather, Nate, so much. She's been there for you when I haven't been, and you've been there for her when it really counted. That's worth more than some manga to get in Clara's good graces."

"J.T., you don't know what you're talking...," starts Toby.

"I don't?" interjects J.T. "Please. I'm dating someone that doesn't know the beauty of Playstation, who watches _Jeopardy_ for fun, resulting in me lugging around this freakin' dictionary. It doesn't matter how similar you are. If she loves you, she loves you, tiara on or off."

Toby stares at the manga, J.T.'s words pounding in his mind. The memory of Manny buying those computer magazines really touched him. Clara inviting him to camp did too, but Manny's actions always seemed more...natural? Like she didn't do them just to do them, or impress him. They were startling in a sweet way. It's pretty much how he feels when he does something for her, so natural, so easy to do it, wanting her to know how much he cares. Buying this for Clara will be the complete opposite, some agenda behind it, an agenda of moving on with his whole self not being in it. He can't do that to her.

"Fine," mumbles Toby, setting the book down on a nearby desk. "So what do I do now since you have all the advice?"

"You try to make it work," says J.T. "Fix things with the two of them."

"How?"

"I have no idea."

Toby rolls his eyes, glances at the front page of _The Toronto Daily, _a black and white picture of Manny smiling at him.

"I think I have one idea," says Toby.

III.

"Miss Degrassi!" shouts a man, honking his horn. "Miss Degrassi!"

Manny stands at the crosswalk, waves at the man who gives her the thumbs up. She giggles quietly to herself, views the walking man sign, and jogs across the street. The meeting went well. Ms. Dale said she'd look into the camp, and said that after the holidays, they'd discuss signing her, saying "she was very interested in doing so." It would've felt better if that phone call with Ms. Tellman never took place. Why? Why that mall?

Her sneaker meets the deeply packed snow, which had fallen around lunchtime, but it's low enough that she doesn't have any trouble reaching the door of the community center. Once inside, she's taken aback that people are actually here two days before Christmas. She's sure the kids are home, so the presence of two shadowy figures unnerves her.

"Hello!" she calls.

"Manny!" responds a voice she thinks is Hazel's.

"Hazel?"

"It's me. And Darcy!"

Manny goes to them, sees that they're erecting a display on a bulletin board.

"What are you guys doing here?" asks Manny.

"You'll never believe it," says Darcy. "Hazel, tell her."

Hazel blushes. "Well, a couple of your students really liked my dance in the pageant. So I talked to Ms. O' Neill about volunteering here too. Paige thought it was a really good idea, suggested we spread the word, and Jimmy made art."

Darcy proudly holds up one of the art pieces, a beautifully drawn woman in a flowy skirt and Egyptian jewels.

"Paige likes one of my ideas!" says Hazel, shaking her head in disbelief. "And Jimmy's...Jimmy's done a total one-eighty."

"And your name's in the paper," reminds Darcy, grinning at her.

"Not as much as Manny's," points out Hazel. "But yeah, I'm happy. Plus a Californian Christmas to look forward to with my boyfriend."

"Hazel, that's great!" congratulates Manny, hugging her. "It'll be nice to have the students not listen to someone else for a change."

"I can be firm," protests Hazel.

Darcy and Manny exchange looks, and they all laugh.

"You'll learn," assures Manny. "And you, Darcy?"

"She lucked out too," says Hazel, elbowing Darcy. "Tellman is talking to Nate in there about Heather, and he's driving her home."

"It's a drive home," waves off Darcy, her cheeks reddening.

"Yeah, sure," teases Manny. "Wait...Nate is talking to Ms. Tellman?"

Darcy shrugs. "She saw Heather's handwriting on a copy of the sash order forms. That's why Paige's sash was messed up, and here's betting she found out my dress was affected by her too. We all know Nate was."

"What you reap, you sow," says Hazel. "And Heather's going to have to sow a lot."

Manny and Darcy nod in agreement, turning their heads when they hear something clatter at the other end of the hall. Clara groans, picks up a film canister that fell, and moves the cart she'd been trying to push.

"Oh, let's help," says Darcy.

"No...no, finish your display," says Manny. "I will."

Manny makes her way to Clara, actually not with the most noble intentions. Truth be told, she's still fuming about the idea of returning to the restaurant, a symbol of when everything between her and Toby was perfect, when Clara wasn't driving a wedge between them. Why can't she leave? Toby didn't like her like that, and Clara must know this on some level.

"Need a hand?" asks Manny.

"I got it," replies Clara, in fact managing to get the cart into the auditorium.

As Manny enters, Clara starts to set up a table, which already holds some forms on clipboards, and a stack of videotapes.

"You here to buy Miss Degrassi tapes?" asks Clara, sitting down.

"Um...," mumbles Manny.

"How many do you want?" asks Clara, uncapping a pen.

"Umm..."

"I said how many do you want?" says Clara, her voice getting testy.

Manny frowns. "None."

"Then you're wasting my time," sighs Clara. "Always hungry for attention."

Manny crosses her arms, starts to walk away, but turns around, glares at Clara.

"One of the best decisions I've made is to know when to say when," says Manny, eyeing her up and down. "And when is the moment you realize that it's time to move on. That sound about right to you, Clara?"

Clara throws down her pen, stands, toppling over her chair.

"This is rich," says Clara, laughing. "Coming from a girl who couldn't move on from Craig for four years. Still hasn't actually."

"Has actually," informs Manny. "Only there's someone else...namely you, standing in the way."

Clara smiles. "You hate it, don't you? That Toby doesn't have your attention at all moments of the day, that his attention is turned somewhere else, on someone else?"

Manny sniffles. She'd slap herself before she cried in front of Clara, let her know that yes, it bothers her.

"Miss Degrassi could use some humble pie," says Clara. "Or she could wait, which you're incapable of doing. Shows how much you love him."

How much she loves him? Clara has some nerve, throwing out all these assumptions, that she rates lower in her feelings for Toby. Then again, she is speaking some truth, regarding the waiting, and that annoys her more.

"That little sweet act may go over with judges and Toby, but you're conceited," says Clara, shaking her head. "You thought Craig would stop caring about Ashley, and you thought Toby would stop caring about me, and you're wrong on both counts. I'm his friend too, like you were."

"I know that you're friends. Only...," says Manny.

She stops talking as tears roll down Clara's cheeks, pink from anger or frustration, Manny's unclear which.

"I'm part of his life too, Manny," sobs Clara. "You may hate that, but I am."

Manny tucks some hair behind her ear. Throughout all of this, Toby kept telling her that Clara will get hurt, and staring into Clara's eyes, this is the first time she can feek it, see it for herself. She's sat on the sidelines too, crushed on a guy too, fallen in love with Toby too.

"I'm...I'm gonna go," stammers Manny, nodding. "Envelope's...envelope's waiting for me."

She hurriedly leaves the auditorium. The sound of the center's air ducts working above seems to crackle in her ears. Grabbing the envelope, she doesn't even bother to listen to the talking coming from Ms. Tellman and Nate behind the door. She crumples up the envelope. The tension hurts her knuckles. There's tension everywhere else, would be anyplace else, and with the first place, the ceremony, she'd have to put on a trademark Miss Degrassi smile, patented to push pain down.

IV.

Ellie's black boots crunch the snow. All her movements today feel so second nature to her. Stuffing all her clothes into a bag, sending the finished edition to the publisher, and oddly, kissing Sean before making the trek to here. It was obvious Sean knew the kiss wasn't usual, but he apparently got why, that all her thoughts were centered on this particular movement– walking up the driveway, ringing the doorbell, saying hello to her mother.

The snow becomes louder with each step. For a second, it's almost as if she's on the ski mountains again, although the fear of skiing isn't as strong as her fear of what might happen at this gathering with her, her mom, and Sean. What kind of keeps her going is knowing that her father is facing a lot more terrifying situations than this, and that he'd probably want her to be home since he couldn't. Yes, thinking that could get Ellie to do practically anything.

She rings the doorbell, trying to summon up a very strong, authoritative comment, like "I'm willing to talk as long as you're open" or "Let's be mature and handle this." The porch light flickers on, Mrs. Nash in a wool robe, opening the door.

"My printer's here," says Ellie, meekly.

"Oh?" says Mrs. Nash, obviously confused, letting her in anyway.

Ellie brushes past her, her eyes meeting a Christmas tree in the corner. Some of it has been decorated, some of it hasn't. She wonders if her mother hoped that Ellie would eventually do her half, an agreement that they'd worked out around Halloween. In the background, she can hear a movie playing on TV. She starts towards her room, her mother's voice making her halt.

"You brought your bags to use the printer?" asks Mrs. Nash, pulling her robe tighter.

"I...um, wanted to make copies of the edition to post around the center," says Ellie, partly true since Ms. Hatzilakos suggested it. "Bag's for that."

"I should've figured," says Mrs. Nash, smiling, sitting down on the couch.

This talk is going well, moans Ellie inwardly. She has to tell her that Sean and her have agreed to her offer eventually. A small, breathy voice sings from the TV, Ellie watching and grinning slightly.

_I sense there's something in the wind  
That feels like tragedy's at hand  
And though I'd like to stand by him  
Can't shake this feeling that I have  
The worst is just around the bend _

"_Nightmare Before Christmas_," says Ellie, happily.

"Yeah, switched on the TV, and there it was," says Mrs. Nash, smiling. "I never decided if it should be aired on Halloween or Christmas."

Ellie puts her bag on a chair, flops down next to her mother.

"I watch it both times of years, especially after Dad got it for me in junior high," says Ellie. "Marco said Sally reminded him of me. I guess it's the whole red-haired, thin look, that sad aura."

"You're still red and thin," says Mrs. Nash. "Sad, not so much."

They exchange shy smiles, Ellie starting to remove her boots.

"That's due to you getting better," says Ellie, settling back. "And...Sean, Mom."

Mrs. Nash rubs her neck, drops her eyes.

"I'm sorry...sorry for the hurtful things I said," says Ellie, scooting closer to her. "But when you say hurtful things about Sean, I get defensive. It's weird because while you try and protect me from him, hurting me, I end up trying to protect him, hurting you. Pretty damaging pattern, if you ask me."

"I'll agree with that," says Mrs. Nash, lowering the volume of the TV.

Finally, an agreement, thinks Ellie. Perhaps this get together might lead to a change. All three of them have made progress in their lives, not collective, though still it's progress.

"I do want to come home," admits Ellie. "Only if you promise not to embarrass him."

"It can't get worse than slapping him and revealing his condom brand, can it?" kids Mrs. Nash.

Ellie smiles. "Mom, I'm serious."

"Tell Sean to show up with no worries," replies Ms. Nash, stroking Ellie's hair. "Having you home and happy and well is reason to compromise. In fact..."

Mrs. Nash reaches for a notecard, then a pen.

"What does he like to eat?" she asks.

"Really?"

"Go ahead."

Ellie grins, leans her head on her mother's shoulder. "Chocolate."

"Healthy," remarks Mrs. Nash. "No, I can buy some fudge to go with the egg nog."

"Chocolate candy canes!" insists Ellie, her jaw dropping.

"You sure you guys are almost eighteen?" asks Mrs. Nash, writing it down anyway. "What kind of diet is this?"

"Hershey's kisses," continues Ellie, laughing while Sally smiles at a brooding Jack onscreen.


	40. One More Chance

**XL. One More Chance**

_I turned around too late to see the fallen star  
I fell asleep and never saw the sun go down  
I took your love for granted  
Thought luck was always on my side  
I turned around too late and you were gone_

_  
So give me one more chance  
Darlin' if you care for me  
Let me win your love  
'Cause you were always there for me  
If you care for me,  
Be there for me _

I like to play the queen of hearts and never thought I'd lose  
I rolled the dice but never showed my hand  
I planned it out so perfectly,  
So you'd never leave a girl like me  
I was a fool, but now I understand

Here is the law of the land  
You play with fire and you'll get burned  
Here is the lesson I've learned  
That you don't know what you've got til it's gone

chorus, without last two lines

Gimme one more chance  
Tell me that it's not too late  
Let me win your love  
Darlin' please don't hesitate  
If you care for me,  
Be there for me

Give me one more chance

**Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree is the property of Brenda Lee.**

**Everybody Wants To Rule The World is the property of Tears for Fears.**

**Heaven is a Place on Earth is the property of Belinda Carlisle.**

The star on top of the Kerwin-Isaacs tree gleams all the way to Ashley's eyes as she slowly goes down the staircase. It almost appears foreign to her, like the holiday is more than a day away. She's been upstairs all morning, humming melodies, drawing notes, counting off in her head, all to no avail. As hard as she tries, nothing's coming out. After that talk with Craig at the afterparty, she made it a priority to try and work really hard. My muse must be lazy, groans Ashley inwardly. Or maybe a case of Christmasitis, if there is such a thing, but Ashley's never been totally gung-ho about Christmas, anyway.

Her slippers reach the final step, resulting in a tiny creak. She hopes it didn't wake up her mom and Jeff. Although, maybe her mother deserved it after snapping at Craig like that. The ride home wasn't exactly harmonious either, with Kate muttering about the car's heat and gas prices. She's well aware it was really cover-up for her feelings regarding Craig, because her face only got that tight when his name was mentioned. Hearing that her and Craig were on a break would give her reason to smile, though Ashley wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

She ducks into the kitchen, the only room in the house not adorned with decorations. To her surprise, the light's already switched on, and Toby, in a white T-shirt and sweatpants, is cutting up newspapers dutifully. Odd, she thinks. When he wasn't working, Toby usually slept in.

"Homemade gift?" she asks, grabbing orange juice from the refrigerator.

Startled, Toby quickly shuffles some papers, Ashley noticing his face growing pale.

"Chill," says Ashley. "I'm not the Ghost of Christmas Future, the Grinch, or any scary figure that appears during this time of year."

"Could've...could've fooled me," stammers Toby, trying hard to smile.

"Keep talking to me like that and I'm chucking your gift in the fireplace," kids Ashley. "And trust me, it's exactly what you need."

Toby kept dropping hints to Jeff that his computer mouse was suffering from a lot of use, so she got him one. A cordless one, luckily on sale, that would be easier to pack for camp.

"What I need is some tape, and some privacy," says Toby, resuming cutting, this time under the table.

Whatever he's working on, he really doesn't want me to see. Ashley smiles.

"Is...is that for me?" says Ashley, putting the juice carton down.

"No," says Toby, still looking down.

"Is it for Clara?" asks Ashley, trying to peek.

"No," says Toby, looking up, scissors stalling.

"Yes, it is!" exclaims Ashley.

Before Toby can move, she grabs the newspaper out of his hands, laughing. Toby unsuccessfully tries to reach for it, but Ashley's height makes it difficult.

"Ash!" says Toby, giving her a warning look.

"Loverboy has too many secrets," says Ashley, reading the paper. "I don't..."

Her mouth stops mid-sentence, as she reads further. It's an article on Manny, picture of her in her gown, sash, and crown to the right. Toby highlighted some words and was cutting them out. Why would he being doing this? Some favor to her? He couldn't possibly...couldn't possibly...no. Then again, she had slept over that one night, Toby staying with her at all hours, and that scene.

"That scene...makes so much more sense," whispers Ashley, more to herself than Toby.

Toby looks down, sighs. Ashley's chest grows tight.

"I'm the last to know?" says Ashley, rolling her eyes.

"In our immediate circle," replies Toby, glancing at Ashley, sitting down again.

Ashley rubs her forehead, sits in another chair, slouches a bit. Manny Santos and Toby? Ugh, she can't get her head around it.

"How...how are you feeling?" asks Toby, shrugging.

"Regarding this?" answers Ashley. "Honestly, I thought out of those two, you and Emma would eventually..."

"Ash, come on!" protests Toby.

"Toby, how do you want me to feel about it?" says Ashley, her eyes widening. "This is Manny. Not Liberty or Emma. Manny. Her name doesn't exactly bring out sunny connotations for me. Isn't Clara more your type?"

Toby moves the scissors along, his face falling. That expression bothers her for whatever reason. Maybe since it's Christmas, and Toby has too much to look forward to to dampen his spirits. Ashley sits up straighter.

"I want...want you to understand that this is how I feel," speaks up Toby, timidly. "I mean, Kate doesn't exactly like how you feel about Craig, does she? Don't you wish that she did?"

Ashley bites her lip. Boy did she. But Manny? The girl that came between her and Craig, got pregnant with Craig's baby? However, she does seem to be going through some type of change. She has to admit that throughout the pageant, she was impressed with her. And if anyone can understand transformations, that'd be me, thinks Ashley regrettably.

"So are you two dating?" says Ashley.

"No...Manny's focusing on other stuff, and to tell you the truth...what I'm doing now, not sure it's going to go over well," answers Toby.

"Why not?" inquires Ashley.

"Um...Manny paid for the camp and..." starts Toby.

"Really?" says Ashley, resisting the urge to let her mouth drop.

"Yeah, then I...asked her to wait until after camp, so I can deal with the Clara situation," informs Toby. "Clara's so sensitive and she likes me too."

"More than likes from what I saw at the party," says Ashley.

Toby takes a deep breath. "Why these two girls fell for me..."

"Toby, don't do that," interrupts Ashley, handing him the newspaper. "You actually are somewhat of a catch, a catch that never remembers to close the medicine cabinet, but a catch."

They smile at one another, Ashley weighing it all out in her mind. Forgiving Craig took awhile, and forgiving Manny might take longer, although if Toby is interested in her, it'll have to be quicker. Besides, she'd be off to university in a matter of months anyway.

"She makes you happy?" says Ashley.

"I...want to make her happy," answers Toby. "Which is why I'm doing this."

"What is it?"

"It's kind of...kind of an inside joke...or thing...something we'll both get."

"Hungry?"

"A little. Cereal?"

Ashley gets up, grabs two bowls, milk, and a box of cereal. Toby continues, opening a folder, then strokes his chin. Wow, Manny, thinks Ashley. _Manny. _And it sounds serious.

"If you're not dating, how do you know it's legit?" speaks up Ashley, pouring some cereal for the both of them.

"Um...don't know. I guess...when you want to do anything to be with that person, it feels legit?" answers Toby, smiling.

Ashley nods. Anything to be with that person. When Toby starts dishing out really good romantic advice, she knows it's time to leave. She pats him on the shoulder, puts down the bowl, heads for the stairs, bumping into her mother.

"Taking a break from writing?" asks Kate.

"Yeah," replies Ashley. "My brain's out of it currently."

Kate harrumphs, shakes her head. "Craig."

"What?" exclaims Ashley. "Mom, last night Craig said..."

"Sorry, Ashley, but I don't really care what that boy says," interjects Kate. "He always has to put himself first. He can't give you any space."

"He's giving me space," corrects Ashley. "Space that's totally useless since I'm unhappy and uncreative. Space is not solving anything."

Kate smirks. "It's been...what, two days?"

"Before that, it was months," points out Ashley, brushing past Kate, grabbing her purse. "Months where I blew money on worthless stuff. Guess what? Being away from him...not working during either time."

"He's out of control," insists Kate. "Ashley..."

"You said he's reckless. Well, I'm just as reckless without him."

"Where are you going?" demands Kate. "It's Christmas Eve."

Putting on her coat, she's finally able to think clearly, has an agenda that she won't put on paper, can only pull it off in person. If Toby can do something creative for a relationship he's unsure of, with a foggy future, she can do this, speed up the future she's absolutely certain about. No apartments, no dogs, no symbols, not even musical ones. Just them.

"Going to perform, Mom," replies Ashley. "A sudden burst of inspiration."

"Ashley," groans Kate.

"Don't worry for once," says Ashley, buzzing her mother on her flushed cheek. "Call you later."

Exiting the house, she dials information on her cell, waits for someone to answer.

"Hi," she says, after a man picks up. "I need an address for a local shelter."

II.

"I looked it up online," says Jay's voice through the static.

Sean stops his car in front of the Nash residence, sighs. The whole house looks imposing. The last time he came here was to give Ellie the key to his apartment, and even with Ms. Nash at work that day, he felt this air of unrest. He no longer dreads what she'll do to him honestly. It's more like a fear that he'll do something stupid. His last dinner with the parents, with Mr. Simpson and Spike, went awry pretty fast. Bringing the pickles was one mistake. This time, he'd consulted Jay, who despite his failure with Alex, had managed to get in good with Alex's mom and Chad. They still liked him too.

"You looked up fruitcake online?" asks Sean, his disbelief coming through.

"On that laptop I stole. It's the most brought over food during this time of year," assures Jay. "I'd be more worried about that yacht boy haircut you got, sport-o."

Jay laughs, while Sean opens his car door. Ugh, he thinks. Parting with the longer hair was pretty much a conscious decision, though the cold air nipping at his neck makes him miss it a little. At least Ms. Nash could see his face better, and Ellie too. He found a nice blue dress shirt to compliment the hair, and black slacks.

"It's fine," says Sean.

"Just a dig, man. Relax," soothes Jay. "You're annoyingly likeable. Makes me want to gag sometimes."

"Static's getting bad, man. I'll call you later."

"Should've got that fixed when we were at the phone place. Gotta go."

"Okay," says Sean. "And thanks, man."

"Whatever. Oh, one more thing?"

"Yeah."

"If she doesn't eat the fruitcake, bring it home. Your fridge...a bit bare."

Sean chuckles, clicks off. He advances to the front of the house, his feet sloshing through the slushy walk, the sun setting. Breathing in and out, he rings the doorbell, holds the fruitcake in one hand, a hand on the verge of shaking as he hears footsteps behind the door. Please, let Ellie answer, begs Sean. Please let her answer.

"Hey!" greets Ellie, opening the door.

He smiles, receives a peck on the lips from her. Ellie wears a pretty, dark red dress, black leggings underneath. She cleaned up better than he ever could.

"Your hair," says Ellie, grinning. "It's like a blast from the past. I like it."

"Yeah," says Sean. "And...um...hopefully, you like this."

He presents her with the fruitcake, the plastic covering it shining under the porch light. To his disappointment, Ellie's grin becomes more pained.

"Um...sure...we...we like it," stammers Ellie.

Such an obvious lie. If Sean left now, he could still catch the last half of the _South Park_ Christmas marathon with Jay.

"Come on in, Cameron," says Ellie, ushering him inside. "Mom's taking out fudge."

Wow, she made fudge. He likes fudge. Great, he brought something they didn't like, and he'd be eating something he liked while they choked down his lame fruitcake.

"Do I really look alright?" whispers Sean, glancing around for Mrs. Nash.

"No, Sean, you look terrible," kids Ellie, grabbing his hand. "You're hot...honestly, though I can't say that in front of my mom."

Sean throws her an appreciative smile, as they head to the kitchen, his wet shoes squeaking, Christmas lights twinkling in the distance. Mrs. Nash walks around, goes to the oven, fetches a tray of fudge after donning an oven mitt. She wears a black sweater, and red pants, her hair nicely curled. Truth be told, it's the best he's ever seen her.

"Sean's here, Mom," announces Ellie.

"Hi Sean," greets Mrs. Nash. "How's the weather out there?"

Mrs. Nash eyes him up and down, Sean standing up straight, hoping she's pleased. Her sight stops at his shoes, and he glances down too. Sean turns red, seeing that he's left some slush on the carpet.

"Uh...," starts Sean. "I can get that with some paper towels."

Ellie lets Sean go, immediately fetches a couple paper towels, hands them to him. He goes into the hallway, bends, starts cleaning up, overhearing a smidget of conversation.

"Fruitcake," whispers Ellie to her mom.

"It's not alcoholic, is it?" says Mrs. Nash, a little louder than she probably intended.

"No, Mom, he wouldn't," whispers Ellie, urgently. "I don't know if it is, but he wouldn't do that on purpose."

He didn't even think of that. He just bought it from the grocery store. Why, why didn't he think of that?

"It's...it's fine," reassures Mrs. Nash, quietly.

Finally finishing, Sean quietly reenters the room, clears his throat.

"Maybe...maybe we should sit on the couch," whispers Ellie.

If it meant not facing her mom after the fruitcake controversy, yeah. Sean nods, joining Ellie on the couch.

"Tree's great," compliments Sean.

Mrs. Nash comes in, presents them with two small plates of fudge.

"Thanks, Mrs. Nash," says Sean, taking a bite. "I love chocolate."

"I've heard," says Mrs. Nash, winking at Ellie. "So you like the tree? Ellie did half."

"One of my unknown talents," says Ellie. "That chef ornament, totally my favorite."

"Which one do you like, Sean?" asks Mrs. Nash. "Always nice to hear a new opinion."

Sean scans the tree, identifying a really nice soldier one in fatigues. It resembled action figures he played with when he was little.

"Soldier's cool," replies Sean. "Where'd you get it?"

He regrets his decision as soon as Ellie's eyes drop, her mother's mouth growing tense. Should've picked that clown with the lit up nose, he moans inwardly. That looked relatively harmless.

"My...my husband bought it," speaks up Mrs. Nash.

"Oh...oh, I'm sorry," stutters Sean. "I...I didn't know."

"Sean, it's okay," says Ellie, patting his knee. "We like looking at it, right, Mom?"

"Right," says Mrs. Nash, smiling weakly at Sean. "Oh, I...I didn't get a plate for me."

"I will," says Sean, shooting up.

"There's some more fudge in the oven," informs Mrs. Nash.

Honestly, it's the least I can do, he thinks, patting Ellie on the knee, walking to the kitchen. He opens the oven door, reaches for the tray, then feels a sharp, hot pain race through his hand.

"Aaah!" he moans quietly. "Aaaah!"

No mitt, he realizes. Stupid, real stupid. He retrieves the fudge in a flash, this time with a mitt, then runs his hand under the sink's faucet. Brown water meets his skin. Hmm, odd, he thinks. Crouching down, he opens the cabinet door under the sink, starts fooling around.

"Ummm," says a voice behind him.

Ellie crouches down next to him. "Anything interesting?"

"You've got unclear water," says Sean. "Shouldn't be hard to fix."

"Sean...," begins Ellie.

Sean sadly glances at Ellie. "I'm screwing everything up. If I fix this, I won't have to talk to her."

He starts assessing the pipes, Ellie shaking her head.

"That sort of defeats the purpose of you coming over," reminds Ellie. "You're not screwing up. Screwing up would be staying in here."

"I can't...can't do this, El," says Sean, staring at his hands, not only more red, but now dirty.

He clinches it in a fist, shaking his head.

"Yeah, you can," says Ellie. "It's the holidays and I want to spend it with my boyfriend and my mother. Two out of the three people I consider family means a lot more to me than perfect water."

She grabs a washcloth, places it over Sean's fist. He reluctantly grins.

"Who needs brown water when you've got egg nog?" he says.

"Definitely," says Ellie, standing with him. "Let me cut up this fruitcake."

"It's from the store," says Sean. "Not sure about what's in it."

"I'll test it out."

For a few minutes, they stay in there, Ellie putting a piece of fudge on a plate for her mother, fruitcake on hers. Sean unfurls the fist, noticing his hand seems okay for the time being. They go back into the living room, and he's thankful Mrs. Nash has a friendlier expression on her face.

"Ready for the egg nog?" she asks.

Sean nods, glances at Ellie. With her right by him, the tension is breaking a bit. She said he was family, and this night was actually better than most of the nights he'd had growing up in Wasaga. It was probably the best thing Ellie could say then.

Several minutes or so goes by, and Sean wonders if Mrs. Nash is ever coming back. Maybe he really has offended her, to the point of no redemption.

"Where is she?" whispers Sean.

Ellie shrugs, stares blankly at the tree.

Hearing Mrs. Nash's heels, Sean looks up, is surprised when Mrs. Nash comes in with a tray, presents him not only with a cup of egg nog, but a medium-sized bag of miniature Hershey bars, a red bow at the top. Ellie laughs.

"Don't eat it all in one night, Sean," jokes Mrs. Nash, handing a cup to Ellie.

"This is...this is great," says Sean. "Thank you."

He looks warmly at Ellie and Mrs. Nash, his body easing a little. To his relief, the warmth is returned, and it feels more real than he imagined.

"Um...Merry Christmas?" says Sean, raising his cup.

"Merry Christmas," say Mrs. Nash and Ellie, clinking their cups with his.

III.

"Ladies and gentlemen...ladies and gentlemen...community members of Degrassi...my fellow Degrassians...what is a Degrassian?"

Manny starts to write again, crossing out another greeting she found a failure. To her right, Emma is doing sit-ups in their bedroom, counting off quietly. Emma told her that she enjoyed dancing so much during the pageant that she really wanted to take it up again, so keeping in shape was a must.

"Another word you use or made up," says Emma. "Manny dictionary...three thousandth entry. Right after cuckoo bananas."

"How does Liberty write these speeches?" groans Manny.

She straightens up her notecards, glances forlornly at her tiara. Ever since that little showdown with Clara, she finds it even more difficult to concentrate. Two mind-numbing conversations with Toby and Clara back-to-back, two conversations she initiated. Such a glutton for punishment. Worse punishment is still feeling bad for Clara. It's no wonder Toby never cut that off. Manny grips the pen hard.

"It's biological with her," answers Emma. "Just like it's biological for you to conquer anything you set your mind to."

"Maybe Heather can stop by and pelt me with chestnuts so I won't have to make this speech," says Manny.

"Mmm, chestnuts," says Emma, stopping midway, grinning.

"_Health food freak_," sings Manny.

Emma sticks out her tongue at her. "Talk to the hand because the ears won't hear."

"Spinnerism. I remember those," laughs Manny. "Language of the lovesick."

"He didn't even call me today," says Emma, standing.

"He's doing strike at the center," reminds Manny. "Come here and help me."

Emma sits next to Manny on Manny's bed, looks over her shoulder.

"Do a hammer joke," shrugs Emma. "Like M.C. Hammer."

"That would only be funny to dorks like you," teases Manny. "No, this has got to be good. It's my first time out of the gate. There'll be cameras there, and it'll be airing on several Toronto stations."

"So...so anyone can watch?" asks Emma.

"Uh, your point is?" prompts Manny.

Emma looks hesitantly at Manny, takes a deep breath.

"Don't get mad, but...Toby called, something about the keys to Degrassi, and I...I mentioned that the ceremony's at eleven tomorrow," explains Emma. "Perhaps shouldn't have said anything?"

Manny's stomach gurgles. Knowing that made her more antsy. Forget all those other people. Toby watching her looking idiotic would be the thing that pushed her over the edge, increase all those nerves. It isn't enough that I have to stand in the same area where we had our date, appearing happy. I'll have Toby viewing me do it. When it rains, it pours, she thinks. And she really hated that saying.

"No, that's okay," lies Manny. "I'm riding the bus over to the library. It's quieter there and I can finish."

"Okay," says Emma, quietly.

Manny goes over to her bag, drops in the notecards. All these burdens keep coming and coming. Toby, Clara, this stupid bag that she has no choice but to lug around. She tugs at it.

"I...hate...this...bag," breathes Manny, managing to get it on her after the third try.

She wavers a bit, then finds her balance. "Yay."

Emma laughs. "Beauty is pain."

IV.

"_Welcome to your life  
There's no turning back  
Even while sleep  
We will find you  
Acting on your best behavior  
Turn your back on mother nature  
Everybody wants to rule the world..."_

Craig sings into the microphone, sweat running over his fingers as he strums his guitar, picks up the rhythm. Appreciative smiles on women in holiday-themed sweaters or long skirts are aimed at him, Angie drumming to the beat on the side of her chair. Janis is at Angie's feet, curiously staring at him. Diane, wearing the tightest clothes in the bunch, leans over in Joey's lap, nodding to the beat.

The Jewel songs went over well, as Craig's eyes glance over the white Christmas lights lining the doorway, the edges of the ceiling. Still, Joey's collection of eighties' classics made the best impression, specifically for Diane, which Joey was hoping for. It probably had to do with the fact that they were a younger crowd too, something that made Craig sigh with relief when he first entered. He has to confess that it was hard to play "Eye of the Tiger" with a straight face, but Diane said it was the favorite song of one of the older shelter residents with a crush on Sylvester Stallone. It was worth it. Overall, the women seemed to like everything, as did his family, and Marco, Darcy, and Mary grooving in the back.Truthfully, he couldn't have asked for a better audience.

He ends the song with a final chord, letting his voice waver, rise, then fall. A hearty round of applause fills his ears, and he bows slightly. Diane jogs to the stage, takes the microphone.

"Craig, that was awesome!" compliments Diane. "He'll be back in a few, ladies."

"Awww," groan a few of the women.

Setting his guitar down, he makes his way to Marco, Darcy, and Mary. They were all eating cookies while other people milled around. He notes that the women were not only covered up, but sort of quiet too. Angie talks to one of the younger women, lets her pat Janis.

"Behold the ladies drooling," says Marco, nodding at the various women staring after Craig.

"Whatever," says Craig, feeling his cheeks grow hot. "What'd you guys think? Honest answer."

"_Say that you'll never never never need i__t_," sings Darcy in response.

They all laugh. Craig spies a woman hugging herself, smiling shyly at him. He smiles back. He remembers being that self-conscious, about showing certain parts of his body, with all those bruises from his dad. It got easier, but the memory has stayed.

"It was good, Craig," says Mary. "And I barely know you so yeah."

"Thanks," says Craig. "This is a really, really good cause. And thanks for coming out, Marco."

"An odd choice of words, buddy," laughs Marco. "But no prob. Sean's at Casa de Nash, so Ellie's taken for the evening."

"Really?" says Craig, raising his eyebrows.

"Sean's probably a nervous wreck," guesses Marco.

"Yeah, that party at his place, total embarrassment," recalls Craig. "If anybody made a big fuss over me like that, would totally..."

Darcy elbows Marco, him dropping his cookie.

"Why does no one let me enjoy party food?" complains Marco.

Marco looks up, jaw dropping. Mary appears surprised too.

"What...what are you...," starts Craig, turning around.

He sees her instantly, Ashley slowly going to him. Her hair is down, and she shivers slightly, but regains her composure, locks eyes with him. Why is she here? Didn't she say they should get used to being apart? She catches the attention of everyone else as well, the room silencing to see who this stranger is. She's far from a stranger for him.

"Here for the eighties revival, Ashley?" calls out Joey, eliciting a few chuckles.

"Better than a crackhouse apartment," says Angie, giggling, stopping after a frown from Joey.

"The apartment...not doable. Eighties?" says Ashley. "That I can do."

Craig's forehead furrows, and he separates from Marco and the girls, grinning at her. Ashley clears her throat, stands in front of him. She sings:

"_When I feel alone,  
I reach for you and you bring me home,  
When I'm lost at sea,  
I hear your voice, and it carries me._"

Craig can feel his own mouth fall, him growing light-headed. This is...this is unbelievable, he thinks. Here Ashley is, totally uncovering herself, singing to him. Ashley gazes at him, so intense, so soulful, like when she played piano for him at the lodge, when he made love to her.

"_In this world we're just beginning,  
To understand the miracle of living,  
Baby I was afraid before,  
But I'm not afraid, anymore._"

Craig's cheeks were at their reddest, his smile so wide it's hurting. Joey and Diane trade amused grins, Angie staring at them all dopey-eyed.

_Ooo baby do you know what that's worth?  
Ooo, heaven is a place on earth.  
They say in heaven, love comes first.  
We'll make heaven a place on earth.  
Ooo, heaven is a place on earth._

The audience claps their appreciation, Ashley bowing their heads in appreciation.

"Trying to steal the spotlight, Ash?" asks Craig, shrugging. "Cause you're doing a really good job."

"I have something to say," explains Ashley.

Craig nods for her continue, his heart speeding up.

"I'm not afraid, Craig," says Ashley. "What good is a break if I want you so bad? I can't make that mistake again, let you go."

"When did you turn into the romantic?" questions Craig. "Getting all sentimental and forward? That's my job."

"This morning, I think," replies Ashley. "Music isn't music without you, Manning."

Craig chuckles, wraps his arm around Ashley. She feels so good against him, but what feels better is knowing she isn't going anywhere. They'd deal with London somehow.

"I love you," he whispers in her ear.

"Awww," coos Darcy, wiping some crumbs from her mouth.

"Bollywood musicals wish they were this good," says Marco, smiling.

V.

_Rockin' around the Christmas tree  
At the Christmas party hop.  
Mistletoe hung where you can see,  
Every couple tries to stop.  
_

The song streams from the window of the Simpson-Nelson residence, as Toby approaches, clutching the folder with the contents he'd worked so hard on. When he thought of this, he didn't factor in how time-consuming it would be. He also didn't factor in that Liberty might not have the keys. To be fair, as student body president, she should have the keys, but Emma needed them to file the last meeting's minutes apparently. Emma was sure to press him about Manny, maybe kick him for asking Manny to wait. He so doesn't want to deal with that. Shaking his head, he starts to go back down the driveway.

"Toby!" calls out Emma, opening the door.

"Hi," says Toby, waving politely.

"You can come in," says Emma, eyeing him suspiciously. "Saw you through the window. Manny's not here."

That statement should make him feel better. It doesn't. He didn't want to face Manny either, but seeing her always did make the room brighter. Ugh, can't think like that now, he tells himself. Emma will pick up on it.

Toby follows Emma into the living room, sees that Emma is wrapping presents in front of a nicely decorated Christmas tree.

"You're a boy," says Emma.

"Oh, really?" says Toby, feigning a shocked face.

"Think Spinner will like this?" she says, holding up a black, wool sweater. "I knitted it."

It actually was very good, though not as good as Manny's or J.T.'s efforts. Nah, he wouldn't say that.

"Great job," says Toby.

"Thank you," says Emma, smiling. "Oh, here are the keys to the palace."

Emma shuffles through some cast away wrapping paper, grabs some keys resting on a tin of gingerbread cookies.

"Thanks," says Toby, about to collect them.

"What do you need this for?" says Emma, snatching them away.

"Emma!" complains Toby.

"Does it involve Manny?" she continues, glancing at the folder.

Toby puts the folder behind him. "No."

Emma sighs. "You're so secretive. No wonder Manny's confused."

"Confused...what do you mean?" says Toby.

"Duh, Toby!" replies Emma. "You blow hot and cold. And the waiting thing?"

Toby rolls his eyes. "That's none of your business."

"Whether you like it or not, I'm along for the ride too, Toby," insists Emma. "I listen to her talk about you, helped you with the scene, am her crying shoulder. I even waited that night at the video store."

He avoids eye contact, wishes one of Emma's parents would pop up.

"What would you have told her that night?" asks Emma. "Open your mouth for once."

"Just...just give me the keys," says Toby, holding his hand out.

"Toby, you're not getting these until you...," starts Emma.

"Fine!" says Toby, then lowering his voice. "She would've...would've liked what I said to her, okay?"

Emma stares at him dumbstruck for a second, then a giant grin appears, her clapping her hands.

"Toby!" exclaims Emma, squeezing his arm. "I knew it!"

"Don't...don't tell her," whispers Toby.

"So why the pause on that?" questions Emma. "Say it when Clara's not around. Manny deserves to know."

Toby lightly takes Emma's elbow, leads her to the archway leading to the foyer, the place where he and Manny took the picture for their date. He was so nervous then, a happy kind of nervous. That feeling has stuck around on a lot of other occasions, particularly when she said she loved him. Right at this moment, the spot is colder, maybe due to the cold air burrowing under the front door or the chance that he and Manny may never do that again.

"It's...not Clara," says Toby. "I mean, it is. Only not."

"For an honors student, you don't make much sense," says Emma, giving him a puzzled look.

"There's Clara, of course, but I don't want to get hurt either," admits Toby. "I got rejected, Emma. And I really, really thought Kendra and I would last awhile."

"Same with me and Sean," says Emma. "It happens, and you move on."

"Yeah, but once I say those words, I want it to mean everything," returns Toby. "That's why I need to wait. I don't want it to be rushed. I don't want to say them with all this stupid fear."

Emma blows out a deep breath. "I see. But you can show her without saying it yet. That might be enough..might help her wait."

"That's...that's why I need the keys," explains Toby. "So?"

She looks Toby up and down, places the keys in his hands.

"We didn't talk," says Toby, pointedly.

"Nope," says Emma, then zipping her lips.

V.

Ashley breathes, watches the mist from her breath swirl around. The sky is clear, stars dotting the sky, light chatter the only sound at present. She's sort of thankful the party is moved outside, the crackling wood from a bonfire snapping as she walks past women cuddled in blankets, sipping hot chocolate. She parks herself at a picnic table, staring at them. She sees one woman, a little more depressed than the rest, stroking the arm of her coat. Actually, that was my coat, she thinks. It's one of the pieces she gave away to the shelter. The sight makes her smile, and she was glad that the sight of her, singing to Craig, made Craig happy too.

Craig heads over, two cups of hot chocolate in his hands, settles beside her.

"No tea," announces Craig. "The unofficial drink of musicians with tired voices."

"Too bad," says Ashley, drinking hers. "Mmmm, good."

"Just so you know, I was impressed," says Craig, scooting closer to her. "To be serenaded by you...that had to be the best performance tonight...all year."

"I meant it," shrugs Ashley, rubbing his knee.

"Why that song?" inquires Craig. "Heaven is a Place on Earth?"

"It felt right to sing," says Ashley. "I mean, you do bring me home, wherever we are. I feel like I'm always searching for some safe haven...I guess, like these women."

Craig nods, holds her gloved hand in his own gloved hand.

"They look so sad...strong too, but sad," says Ashley, staring at the same woman.

"I saw her before," says Craig. "Wanna go over?"

Ashley kisses Craig on the cheek. "Yeah."

They walk slowly to her, the woman timidly staring into her lap.

"Mind if we sit?" asks Ashley.

The woman shrugs. "Fine."

"How's your Christmas?" says Craig.

"I...I liked your music," replies the woman.

"Thanks," say Craig and Ashley at the same time, then glance at each other.

"And the dog...I used to have one, so it's nice to see one here," adds the woman, sniffling.

Ashley wonders if this was a good idea to come over, seeing the woman tear up. Who knows? She may not want to talk, especially if it brought up her past. Her husband might've hit her, and hurt the dog too.

"Excuse us," says Ashley, pulling Craig to the side.

Craig waves politely, waits for Ashley to speak.

"Craig...how...how attached are you to Janis?" asks Ashley.

"She hates me...and even when she's happy, she hates me," replies Craig, shrugging. "The only guy she likes is Joey."

"This might be a really good place for her," guesses Ashley. "Barely any men around, you know?"

"It'd kill Ang," sighs Craig. "But Joey could get her another one. She is your dog, though."

"She's been with you more," points out Ashley. "It'd be nice for her to have a consistent home instead of us trying to figure out where she'll stay."

"Yeah, can't say staying at Joey's wasn't better than me hopping between my feuding parents," says Craig. "I'll talk to Ang."

Ashley smiles, views Craig finding Angie, talking to her. Angie pouts a little, solemnly nods, kisses Janis on the head. Janis wrestles when Craig picks her up, starts back to Ashley. She calms down in Ashley's arms, especially when she reaches the woman.

"She's yours," says Ashley. "If you promise to take good care of her...and yourself."

The woman hesitantly takes Janis, Janis panting, fairly calm.

"I will," says the woman, quietly. "If you'll do the same."

"Yeah," says Ashley, smiling at her and Craig. "I will."


	41. Holiday

**XLI. Holiday**

_Holiday Celebrate  
Holiday Celebrate _

If we took a holiday  
Took some time to celebrate  
Just one day out of life  
It would be, it would be so nice

Everybody spread the word  
We're gonna have a celebration  
All across the world  
In every nation  
It's time for the good times  
Forget about the bad times, oh yeah  
One day to come together  
To release the pressure  
We need a holiday

_  
You can turn this world around  
And bring back all of those happy days  
Put your troubles down  
It's time to celebrate  
Let love shine  
And we will find  
A way to come together  
And make things better  
We need a holiday  
_

_Holiday Celebrate  
Holiday Celebrate _

Holiday Celebrate  
Holiday Celebrate

Holiday, Celebration  
Come together in every nation

_**O Little Town of Bethlehem was written by Phillips Brooks.**_

**Please read and review. I'd really like to hear your thoughts about the final stages of the story. Oh yeah, and it's my fave Madonna song. Thanks. :) Happy weekend!**

The strong smell of wood fills Manny's nose, flourescent lights practically blinding her eyes as Larissa, one of Ms. Dale's personal assistants, applies mascara. She offered to do her own make-up, but Ms. Dale shot down the idea. She really hoped she didn't appear diva-esque to the people wandering by, though her wardrobe made her look like a high-power attorney on one of those court TV shows. She sort of liked the cream-colored, business jacket and skirt, gold buttons securing both, although the pageant dress or her regular clothes feel much more relaxing. And she definitely wants to be as relaxed as possible.

"Do you have to put this much on?" says Manny, politely.

"Maybe if your eyes weren't so big," jokes Larissa. "Okay, you're camera ready."

Larissa opens a compact, allows Manny to see her work. Manny smiles. Well, at least she'd look pretty if she tanked.

"Thanks," says Manny.

Now with her eyes no longer being assaulted by the light, she can look around again, join Emma and Emma's parents. Men in burly, winter jackets shift cameras, tripods, all pointed to the entrance of Campanelli Supply and Hardware. Degrassi Mall is virtually closed, except a few businesses, perfect for the press to move about freely. In the audience were other family members of the Campanellis, Manny's parents, the owner of the mall, and fellow business owners showing their support. The store had replaced a small in-and-out deli she visited with J.T. once, but the food wasn't good enough to miss. The Campanellis, nearly all of them blonde, hover before the store, a thick, red ribbon tied in front of the entry. Most of them appeared to be excited, even with it being Christmas Day, except one woman, checking her watch repeatedly. The woman peers at the crowd, her eyes stopping on Snake and Spike, Emma's parents discussing whether to let Emma use his digital or her digital camera.

"Campanelli...Campanelli, that name sounds familiar," mutters Emma, selecting Spike's to use."You guys know them?"

Snake and Spike nervously glance at each other, then at the woman who's seen them.

"No," they say at the same time, then walk over to the Santoses, who managed to find a spot in the front.

"Sorry I asked," says Emma. "You doing okay, Manny?"

"I'm...I'm fine," stammers Manny, tapping one cream-colored heel. "Um...how much further?"

"Five minutes," replies Emma.

"Okay...I...I'm going...going to.. to go pace," says Manny, taking a deep breath.

Emma smiles, shakes her head. Manny folds her arms, starts pacing, eyes downcast, then going up. The Mexican restaurant stares back at her. It's closed for the holiday, empty, shut down like her relationship with Toby. Even if it wasn't a real relationship. Her chest aches, the area around her heart as cold as the wind gust that filters in when Mrs. Tellman and a couple other reporters come through the mall's glass doors, heading straight for her.

"Morning, Miss Santos," greets Mrs. Tellman, stopping Manny in her tracks.

"Hey!" exclaims Manny. "I mean...good...good morning."

"Are you well?" she asks. "You're a bit pale. Nervous?"

"A...a little."

"Just do what you did in the pageant. Speak articulately and after reading your speech earlier today, I'm sure it'll go over nicely. Going to go speak with Ms. Dale."

Mrs. Tellman grins at her, heads to meet Ms. Dale, at the rear with her photographer. The reporters follow her, starting to set up.

Manny groans. She'd had fears of being here for the last couple days, but actually being here, ten times worse. She's so grateful to have her parents, Emma, and Emma's parents here, but it doesn't feel right. How can it feel right when these memories keep flowing through her mind? Holding his hand, flirting with him, kissing him, all the while thinking that this would be the start of them. This is probably the worst punishment you can hand a true romantic, Manny's eyes growing wet, and she has to pretend it doesn't mean anything.

"Good luck, Manuella," says a voice to her right.

Joseph beams at her, Maria Santos brushing some hair, straightened and most of it clipped in the back, out of Manny's face.

"Thanks, Dad," says Manny. "I'm glad you two are here."

"We wouldn't miss it," assures Maria, kissing her daughter's forehead.

Maria takes Joseph's hand, leads him away, Manny recalling when she and Toby held hands. She definitely doesn't want him watching this, though she's about one hundred percent he will. Why did Emma tell him about it? He's probably ticked that I won't wait, she thinks. She also wonders what else they talked about, and keys? What was that about? Probably student council business, she guesses. Well, she has her own responsibilities, standing by Emma once more.

"I'm glad this is a family store and not a corporate-owned chain," says Emma, turning on her camera.

"Of course _you _would mention that," says Manny, finally starting to smile.

"I hope I got the station right," says Emma. "Mom told Joey to record it."

"That's nice. Hopefully, it's worth recording."

"Of course it is," says Emma, putting an arm around Manny. "Worth recording, worth watching. That's why I told everybody."

"Including Toby," mumbles Manny under her breath.

"You didn't want me to?" asks Emma, clearly catching it.

"Em, this is where...where we had our first date," admits Manny. "It's hard to come back here, when it's right across the way."

"I thought you made reservations at some Japanese restaurant," says Emma. "I'm...I'm sorry, Manny."

"Can't change it," replies Manny. "Can't change all of it. We're done, so nothing left to do but pretend."

"What if you aren't done?" mumbles Emma.

"What's that supposed to mean?" whispers Manny, urgently. "It's over. I don't...don't care."

She can barely say it, a massive lie. Emma avoids eye contact, very guilty eye contact Manny notes. No time to talk now, moans Manny inwardly. The oldest-looking Campanelli taps on a microphone, gaining the attention of the crowd. Manny can feel a lump form in her throat. Showtime. Cameras fly up, centered on the man.

"It is my great honor today to stand before you all. I never thought that we'd get this business off the ground, though the plans have been discussed for years. Thanks in large part to the support of my wife Camille Campinelli, and our children, Bert, Ron, Rita, and Tessa," begins the man.

He nods at four of the blonde Campinellis, the reporters lightly clapping. Manny sees Spike's lips tighten at the mention of the last name.

"Before Mr. Ducat, owner of the Degrassi Shopping Center, comes forth to read the official statement, welcoming our business into this fine establishment, Mrs. Theresa Tellman has thankfully asked the newly crowned Miss Degrassi, Manuella Santos, to speak. She will later cut the ribbon, and we'll give the first ever tour of Campanelli Hardware. Miss Santos?"

After Mr. Campanelli speaks, Manny weaves her way to the crowd, fake smile conjured, smiling so much her teeth sting from the pressure. She stands alongside Mr. Campanelli and his children, Ms. Dale's photographer snapping several pictures. The flash throws her off, but she stands erect, looks out into the crowd. Too bad it's also straight at the restaurant. Darkened windows, lifeless dance floor, no singers to make her feel lighter, happier.

"With hard work and dedication, we can accomplish anything," says Manny into the microphone, eyes fixed on the restaurant. "And with love and time, we can conquer anything. All these traits were shown by the Campanellis, resulting in a business that we are sure will become a valuable part of the Degrassi community. Each of us knows that...um..."

Manny strokes her forehead. All the words have disappeared. This isn't good, she thinks. Another flash goes off, paralyzing her, as the restaurant seems to grow more and more in distance, moving away from her, the images of that night locked up. Her telling him it's more than a crush, asking to kiss her, him recalling when they'd met. A single tear falls down her cheek, some audience members gasping. Joseph's eyes narrow with concern, Maria gripping his arm.

"Each of us knows...," she tries to continue.

Her lips start to quiver, more tears coming down. I shouldn't be here, she thinks, sniffling. I shouldn't. What good is this title if it forces her to relive it all, relive all this pain?

"Miss Santos?" whispers Mr. Campanelli, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm...I'm sorry," says Manny. "I can't!"

She briskly walks offstage to a chorus of raised voices, hears Emma call after her. Her heels pound the linoleum as she goes, not sure where to go. Finally finding a lonely corridor, she leans against a wall, allows all the tears to spill, crying into her hands. Every sound becomes muted for a few minutes, except for one male voice breaking through finally.

"It's okay, Manuella," assures Joseph, hugging her gently.

"I'm...so ashamed," sobs Manny. "My first appearance...it's horrible. They're all going to see me fail."

"This is your day," insists Joseph, stooping down. "You haven't failed if you got this far. Do you know how many people stop by my job and tell me that my daughter is wonderful?"

Manny shrugs, wipes her eyes. "Dad, maybe they shouldn't have picked me. I'm too emotional. I...I get distracted."

"It's not a crime to feel things and act on them," comforts Joseph. "Sometimes it's natural, all you can do. I wish I could do that more. Not all of us...can... can be gruff robots."

Manny smiles. Out of all the people there, she was sure Emma or her mom might come to her first, not her father, but here he was, acting more like a father than he had for months. Joseph watches her warmly.

"You're not a robot," assures Manny, hugging him.

Joseph smiles, and Manny's glad it isn't as fake as the one she had moments ago. Usually, the off-camera ones were as genuine as you could get. She recalls the look of happiness of the Campanelli family, especially the father, and they deserved this day too. This is their day too.

"Want to go back and cut the ribbon," announces Manny.

"That's what I knew you'd say," says Joseph, kissing the top of the head.

II.

"Do not scan your thumb!" orders Christian, for what Toby thinks is the third time.

Danny chuckles, lowers his hand. A gold nametag, with the word "Trainee" emblazoned on it, is attached to his sweatshirt. Toby can tell Christian is already growing frustrated with him.

"No Christmas cheer here," whispers Clara to Toby. "Then again, we are Jewish."

Toby smiles at her, watches Christian show Danny how to open the cash register. Even with Manny's agreement to help, Christian had succumbed to looking around for another employee, hopefully a reliable employee. Toby isn't sure he's getting that. Danny takes out a couple twenties, holding them up.

"These look counterfeit, dude," says Danny.

"Don't touch the money!" barks Christian, letting out an exasperated sigh.

Toby glances at the store clock, smiles. She'd be on at any minute. Watching her onscreen would be great, but what would be more great is wondering what her reaction will be later today. It felt strange to be the only one in Degrassi at seven in the morning, but warm too, because of what he was doing. Then, Christian's announcement boosted him a bit. All Danny's problems aside, he sort of likes the idea that Manny will have help, especially help she's not attracted to.

"You look really good today, Toby," says Clara, positioning herself close to him., practically breathing down his neck.

Speaking of attraction, sighs Toby, inwardly. Still, he does have something to tell her. Hopefully, she didn't overreact. Making sure that Christian and Danny can't overhear, he leans in close to her ear, Clara smiling.

"I want to do the workshops with you," whispers Toby.

Clara squeals, cheeks pink. "Yes! We're going to totally dominate in everything. You won't be disappointed, Toby. This is the best present ever."

He's sure that the next thing he says will disappoint her, however. Sweat beads form at the back of his neck.

"Only I want to do it as friends," says Toby.

Clara's lips part, then form a frown. He watches her closely for some sign of pain or anger, ultimately decides it's a mix of both. Whatever the expression, it makes him feel bad.

"Fine," says Clara, coolly.

She walks over to her uncle, views Danny opening the register correctly, tosses some angry looks Toby's way. He's elated when the door bell tinkles, J.T. and Liberty streaming in, Liberty's figure hidden by a large black coat. Perfect timing.

"Backpack delivery," says Liberty, holding up a dirty green pack. "And may I just say...ewww."

"Gym sock aroma," explains Danny, going from behind the counter and taking it. "But there's enough room for Toby's history report."

Toby shakes his head, retrieves the report he promised Danny weeks ago for getting him and Clara into Peter's party. He worked on it on and off starting after the pageant, a less than stellar paper on the Aztecs. Luckily, Christian is on his phone, can't hear the conversation.

"What are you doing with that?" demands Liberty. "Daniel..."

"Share the knowledge!" defends Danny. "Not all of us are eggheads, you know."

Liberty grabs the report, dumps it into a trashcan by a poster of an upcoming Will Smith film. J.T. laughs.

"Do your own work or I'm telling Dad!" says Liberty.

"You're mean," complains Danny. "Wicked like Napoleon!! And I don't mean Dynamite."

"I'm so astounded by your witticisms," returns Liberty.

"Quiet, folks!" interrupts Christian. "Toby, you said it's airing at three again, right?"

Toby nods enthusiastically, grabs the remote, flips on the TV, showing a laundry detergent commercial. At eleven, he couldn't watch because he was still at Degrassi, then work called. Luckily, he phoned J.T., who said they were airing it in the afternoon as well.

"What are we watching?" questions Clara, standing by Toby's side again.

"Manny," informs J.T. as he were telling her the weather for the day.

"An employee of mine on television," boasts Christian, increasing the volume.

Clara huffs, furiously brushes back hair from her forehead.

The television turns to a press conference set-up, large black letters above a door saying Campanelli's Supply and Hardware. He and J.T. exchange a smile, Toby leaning over the counter with anticipation. He should be thinking that he can't believe this is happening, that he didn't know for sure Manny would be Miss Degrassi, doing all these activities, making it this far. But no, he's not surprised. He's perfectly aware this is just a start of something amazing for her.

After the owner of the store says a few words, he sees her, looking demure, beautiful in a light-colored suit, stationed behind a microphone.

"With hard work and dedication, we can accomplish anything...," begins Manny, her eyes shining through the television.

"Va va voom," admires Danny.

"Shut it!" snaps J.T.

Manny's speech becomes more and more disjointed, Toby rising from the counter, not clear what's going on. She appears scared, flushed, sad. Toby's heartbeat slows down.

"Is something bad happening off-camera?" speaks up Christian, lips twisting in confusion.

"Maybe she can't hack it," whispers Clara to herself, loud enough for them all to hear.

"Clara!" warns Christian.

"Like you can?" says J.T., glaring at her.

Toby chooses to ignore them, gazing sadly at Manny. She looks so out of it, almost the same way she was when he last saw her exiting the store, upset, lost. Toby holds his breath.

"I'm...I'm sorry," says Manny, the camera zooming in on her face. "I can't!"

A steely-eyed, grey-haired reporter comes onscreen, clears his throat.

"Beauty queens fleeing the scene? Today, Miss Degrassi, Manny Santos, was barely able to get through her first public appearance at the Degrassi Shopping Center. The ribbon cutting ceremony for a local store was interrupted by her quick exit from the area, though she returned later to finish her part in the program. Further footage to follow at the end of our Christmas newscast. Stay tuned."

The camera pans to Manny ducking through the crowd, frightened. Toby's mouth drops, everyone staring at each other in the video store, then at Toby. He can feel all their eyes on them, burning through him, especially Clara's.

"What's the matter with her, Toby?" says Liberty, breaking through the quiet.

"I...I'm not sure," replies Toby.

He starts to take off his vest immediately, Clara sighing.

"You have to stay and work, Toby," says Clara. "She came back to finish the presentation. Sure she's fine."

"What if she isn't?" snaps Toby. "She didn't look it. I'm going."

"Uncle Christian," says Clara, anxious to receive some confirmation for him to stay.

"Go ahead," encourages Christian. "Find her."

Clara rolls her eyes, as Toby lays his vest on the counter.

"You might want to check her parents' place first," says J.T. "Emma told me they invited her over for Christmas."

"Okay," says Toby, throwing on his coat. "I'll start there."

He brushes past J.T. and Liberty, eyes meeting the wreath Manny convinced Christian to hang the last thing he views before he leaves.

III.

"_The First Noel, the angels did say_," sings J.J. off-key, placing some popcorn on a string, nudging Manny with his knee.

They are seated in the stairwell, Manny doing the same, though singing is the last thing she wants to do. J.J. told them he watched the ceremony at eleven, said she looked pretty, and that was pretty much it. He didn't try and get anything out of her, probably because Joseph gave him a knowing glance as soon as they entered the apartment. Ugh, who knows what people who weren't family will say? Who knows what Toby would say?

Manny sighs, slides a kernel down one string next to another kernel. She and J.J. usually did this a couple days before Christmas, but they were both busy this year. Maria seldom let them hang her precious ornaments, hasn't since they could only crawl under the tree. This year was no different. Joseph, as usual, had gone out to fetch some firewood. These moments, she does cherish, and for a few seconds, she can forget what happened at the mall. Then, it would reenter her mind, as clear as ever, and she'd be slower in her duty. J.J. thought singing would help move her along.

"Gotta warm up your voice if you're going to Holly Service," chastises J.J.

Holly Service was a fun Christmas service her parents went to at their church. She used to go, one of the few activities she enjoyed there, when she was younger. This year, she wasn't sure her spirit would be in it, though she'd attend for her parents. Both have been so great lately, inviting her over after Christmas, and besides, carrying out something without any pain today appeals to her. At least, there was no television at church, unlike here.

"Not in a singing mood," says Manny.

"You love Christmas carols!" protests J.J. "Come on. You know them all."

Manny shrugs, stares at her stockings.

"Does she know the Dreidel Song too?" says a voice, softly echoing through the stairwell.

Manny shifts her feet, raises her head, her skin instantly rising in temperature. Toby.

"Hey," greets Toby. "J.J., right?"

"That's the name," replies J.J., shaking hands with Toby over Manny.

Manny's unsure whether it's best to be alone with Toby or not, though ultimately it might be good. He obviously came over for some reason. She clears her throat, hoping J.J. will get the message.

J.J. nods. "I gotta pee."

J.J. shuts the door behind him, Toby taking a seat next to her. It feels nice, but she turns her face. As much as she likes him being here, she has no clue where to begin, what to say. She's not too shocked when tears quietly stroll down her nose, actually is shocked when words tumble out.

"How much did you see?" she finally asks.

"I saw the beginning of a really good speech," replies Toby, outstretching his legs.

"Nothing else?"

"I don't know," answers Toby. "Do you want to talk about the nothing else?"

Manny sniffles, turning her face further away. "I can't talk to you about this."

"You can always talk to me," says Toby, taking her hand.

"Not about this, Toby," sobs Manny, staring at him, her throat hurting.

Toby bites his lip, clearly crestfallen. The look on his face unnerves her. She wants to tell him, but how? I'm crying over you, what we shared, what I still want to share. Those words are so easy in her mind, so hard to actually express. Instead, she lets her head droop into his chest, the warm wool of his coat stroking her forehead. She's crinkling her suit, but she doesn't care, breathing into his chest, Toby lightly rubbing her arm.

"Manuella?" says a voice, which seems so faraway.

She glances down, sees Joseph lugging an armful of firewood.

"Dad!" she exclaims, shooting up.

Toby stands too, smiles weakly. This is the worst position we can be in front of Dad, she thinks. Okay, well, not the worst.

"Hi, Mr. Santos," says Toby.

"Hello," replies Joseph, suspiciously. "Um...Manuella, clean up, and get your coat. The service starts in fifteen minutes."

"Alright," says Manny, straightening her suit.

"You're welcome to come too, Toby," says Joseph. "Church is good for everyone, especially on Christmas."

Manny's not sure that's such a great idea. She glances over at Toby, who is blushing as much as she is.

"Sure," says Toby.

He probably feels obligated, she thinks. This might be awkward, though she does like that he's sticking around longer. How long she doesn't know.

IV.

"_For Christ is born of Mary, _

_And, gathered all above _

_While mortals sleep, the angels keep,_

_Their watch of wondering love. _

_O morning stars, together _

_Proclaim the holy birth. _

_And praises sing, to God the King._

_And peace to men on earth."_

A fairly understated chorus sings in front of the church, white robes covering their bodies, voices filling the room as two altar boys light short, white candles on a table. The pipe organ plays under the song, a resonant deep rumbling. Somehow, though, the song carries through. Around seventy-five people sit in pews, brandishing programs and pieces of holly. He has one, too, but can't figure out what to do with the holly. Toby's never seen anything like this really, except for maybe a couple scenes in a movie. Synagogue was pretty different.

He and Manny's family are in the rear, J.J at one end of the pew, his parents in the middle of that same pew. Manny sits next to him, having finagled two seats two pews behind her family. He did see Joseph glancing at them now and again, with Manny's mother yanking at him to face forward. Most of the songs people sang along with, Toby recognizing most of them, but with this one, everyone got really quiet, some bowing their heads in prayer as the organ lowers its volume.

"Different enough for ya?" whispers Manny, grinning at him.

"Um...a little," replies Toby. "A lot different, honestly."

"Sounds like us," says Manny, softly.

They stare at each other briefly, then break eye contact. It disappointed him that she wouldn't tell him what was going on, though it's no different with him not telling her what's going through his mind. Hopefully, tonight would change all that. Maybe this moment is a good start.

"The invisible nerd and the beauty queen," says Toby, grasping his program nervously.

"I like Toby and Manny better," says Manny, shyly.

Toby drops his gaze, smiles himself.

"Manny, you're so well-known now, and I'm...I'm barely noticed, if it all," mutters Toby, shrugging.

"Toby, you may think that's how it is, that people don't notice you when you're there, but I have," says Manny, eyes shining as bright as the lit candles. "I notice when you're not there too."

"Manny...," begins Toby.

Manny loops her fingers through his, throwing a look at her father who's thankfully beaming at the chorus, oblivious to them.

"Whether it's the fact that you're disappointed that the panther dance didn't work for you and Emma...," says Manny.

Toby grins timidly at the memory.

"Or romantic troubles over Kendra, or you needing someone to get you through, I do notice," continues Manny. "I always will."

His heart quickens with the beat of the next song, a more jubilant, holiday song. People raise their heads, moving their head to the new rhythm.

"You say the best things sometimes," compliments Toby.

"I can't help it anymore," says Manny, turning red.

Toby leans in, eyes fixed on hers. Manny's eyes grow heavy-lidded, then she tenses, lightly pushes him back.

"My dad!" whispers Manny.

They both toss a glance in Joseph's direction, and he apparently missed it, too busy nodding along with the music. Toby pretends to wipe sweat from his bow, Manny giggling, her mouth frowning slightly afterwards.

"When I was little, this priest told me Holly Service was all about remembrance," speaks up Manny, releasing Toby's fingers. "If I remember certain things in these past few weeks, it makes me too sad, though."

Me too, thinks Toby. All those days of agonizing over Heather's wrongdoings, or whether Manny liked Nate, or what to say to her, when to say it to her. Still, growing closer to her makes him as joyful as the song playing.

"You said you had no regrets," says Toby. "Me neither."

He's relieved when Manny's expression becomes happy again, his chest fluttering.

"That crying, runaway pageant winner event...all you," admits Manny, nodding. "It was right across from the restaurant...you know, that one. Seeing it again...yeah, tough."

Toby raises his eyebrows. Wow, to have such a strong reaction to that after he asked her to wait, she must still really care. But he has to ask the question that's been plaguing him for awhile. He has to.

"When you came to my house, said you felt safe, you didn't mean safety guy, did you?" questions Toby, timidly.

"No," insists Manny. "No. Toby, I meant...like you make me feel protected...loved. Sorry. I'm not always good with words when I'm upset."

No, he says to himself. Heather had just planted it into his mind so much, it became a repeated mantra, a recurring worry. He can believe it here, Manny saying it in a relaxed, assured tone. He believes it all.

"How about I not make you cry anymore?" says Toby.

"What?" says Manny.

"Can I spring you out of here?" whispers Toby. "I mean, the music's great and everything, and we can stay..."

Manny peers over a few people, grins. "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere guaranteed to make you smile," promises Toby.

"Like the sound of that," sighs Manny, standing. "My parents should let me go. We stayed for most of it. I'll go ask."

IV.

"Okay, I love Degrassi and everything, but here?" questions Manny, getting out of Toby's car.

Manny faces the school, dark, silent, totally different from any other day she's come. At the same time, being aware that there's no one inside, thrills her. She didn't feel like a spy or anything, yet there is this great sense of adrenaline, of being caught. Old, clumped snow twinkles on the roof, the Degrassi school sign stating: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Being here is making her holidays a lot happier. Toby gets out of the other side of the car, takes her hand, leads her to the front door.

She promised her father she'd be home at a decent time, and he gave her one of his stern looks, which meant not to do anything he wouldn't like. Still, she is here, shivering out of excitement more than cold.

"Can I take off these shoes?" asks Manny, looking down at her heels. "Running on linoleum, going up stairwells not good on the toes. Promise they're not funky."

"Go ahead," laughs Toby, fetching some keys.

"How'd you get those?" jokes Manny, dropping her mouth playfully. "Distracting Miss H with a porn site?"

"Nah," says Toby, smiling, finding the right key. "Anyway, these are the keys to the palace."

"Yeah, Em calls them that too," says Manny. "Why?"

"Liberty was studying about British royalty one day, and decided it'd be good to have some code words like they did, so people wouldn't know we had these. Um, she gave us all names. Liberty's the queen since she's president..."

"Of course," interjects Manny, chuckling.

"I'm the king...vice president. Emma's the secretary, the princess. The treasurer, who we don't have this year, is the prince. The rest of the Council is the Parliament," explains Toby.

"Oooh, more secrecy. Cool code," remarks Manny.

"Don't tell anyone I told you," says Toby, unlocking the door. "Liberty will have my head."

He opens the door, and Manny views their shadows on the floor, the hallway she took to homeroom seeming to have grown in size. She squints her eyes in the darkness, heels in hand. Toby ducks behind her, covers her eyes with both hands.

"Toby!" protests Manny, sweetly.

"Follow along," instructs Toby, laughing lightly. "It's a surprise."

Manny smiles as Toby leads her down the hall. She can tell they've turned a couple corners, though which ones she has no idea. Her feet, housed in stockings, are cool against the floor, her body rising in heat. How could Toby top any surprise he'd done previously? It's pretty much impossible, she thinks.

He positions her in a certain area, lifts his hands, backs away.

"Okay, open," instructs Toby, opening a classroom door, turning on the light in there.

She can hardly take in what she sees, the light revealing all, heels dropping to the linoleum. On one of the lockers nearest the Media Immersion room is a carefully constructed display, and she's pretty sure she might melt into the floor. In the middle is a small blue banner with the words Miss Degrassi on it. There are multiple clippings of pictures with her in her pageant regalia taped on, then a bitmap image of one of those clippings, her pink dress in pixels, covering half the space. Text from newspapers line the image in various computer fonts, some showy, some simple. There are words she'd let strangers say, not saying them herself. _Gifted_. _Remarkable_. _Elegant_. _Gracious_.

"I forgot humble," says Toby, watching Manny's face change a million different shades of pink.

This must've taken him hours, and on Christmas? Manny beams at him, shaking her head.

"Toby," sighs Manny. "This is...this is..."

Tears sting the back of her eyes, Manny unable to keep going.

"Should I talk?" prompts Toby.

Manny sniffles, nods furiously, indicates for him to keep going.

"Do you recognize where we are?" asks Toby.

Manny does a sweeping view of the hall, can only recognize the Media Immersion room. She shrugs, a tear falling to the collar of her business suit.

"Um...it's where we met," says Toby. "At the beginning of this year, you told me where your locker was, so...yeah."

Ugh, there's that thoughtfulness again, thoughtfulness that makes her body all out of sorts. She can already feel her knees start to give way, and without the shoes, there'd be less support.

"Decorating lockers is actually one thing we have in common," reminds Toby.

Manny smiles. "Yeah, it is."

Toby looks down shyly, grinning, pocketing the keys. A sliver of moonlight from a nearby window shines on the images more, as if highlighting their importance, but they'd always, always be important to her. She would always love this.

"Come here, Toby," whispers Manny.

Toby stands in front of her, Manny's eyes scanning his face for what this all means. Is it a way to get their friendship restored? Is it a sign that she's his choice? Whatever it is, she places a hand on his chest, gazes behind his glasses with so much adoration that it startles her.

"Thank you, Toby," she whispers, then softly presses her lips against his.

She isn't really expecting him to return the kiss, especially since she said she couldn't wait, but he does, his lips melding with hers. Toby tugs lightly on her coat sleeve, inching her closer, arms slowly winding around her waist. Manny releases his mouth for a second, breath coming out fast.

"You don't want to stop?" breathes Manny.

"No," breathes Toby, finding her mouth once more.

That's one word not on the locker that she can't resist, grinning as they kiss, eyes lifting up in perfect contentment when it ends.

"We should win Best Degrassi Make-out," jokes Manny. "Don't think we'd have much competition."

Toby strokes his temple. "Yeah, that was...now I'm having trouble talking."

"Well, when you can talk, I'd like to know why...why you did this," stammers Manny, shifting her feet.

His expression falls. He's clearly freaked, thinks Manny. Great, I ruined this. She is curious, though. Can it be what I've been waiting for? Manny holds her breath in anticipation.

"Manny...when I said waiting was me, that's the truth," says Toby, grabbing her hand, stroking her knuckles with his thumb.

"Why?" asks Manny, tears threatening to return.

"I need time to say it," confesses Toby. "I need time to not be scared."

"I'm scared too!" exclaims Manny. "That you'll go off and I'll lose you. Clara..."

"Not all of this is about Clara, Manny," interjects Toby. "It's also me. We need to slow down and think. I'm practical, a little more cautious..."

"And obviously a little more confused, or a lot confused," chokes out Manny, rubbing her wet eyes.

Her head down, she thinks back to her conversation with Clara in the center, how she was crying too, how important she said Toby is to her. So frustrating, she moans inwardly. So frustrating not to hear these words tumble out of Toby's mouth.

"When I decorated that locker for Kendra, I didn't put much time into it," says Toby, touching Manny's tear-stained cheek. "When it comes to you, I thought about it a lot, but time flew by. I couldn't stop. Cause you were my friend first and you've become a lot more. An actual relationship...can't fly so quickly when there's so much at risk, most importantly our friendship."

"I...I...don't know, Toby," stutters Manny. "I mean, yeah, we'd be a risk..."

"I'd take a risk for you, Manny," says Toby, grinning. "Like breaking into the school..."

Manny smiles as Toby jangles the school keys.

"The other risks...I need some time, okay?" adds Toby.

She takes his hand off her cheek, kisses it.

"You don't have to answer yet," says Toby. "I...I am leaving the day after tomorrow, though."

"Okay," whispers Manny. "I'll give you an answer later."

Toby switches off the light, closes the classroom door, Manny watching him. She appreciates that he's conscious of how she's feeling, does these things for her. Only, waiting will seem like forever, and there are no promises. She smiles weakly, as he puts an arm around her, and they head out of the school.

"I never thanked you for paying for the camp," says Toby.

Manny lays his head against his. "Your reaction was worth it."

"Same here," says Toby, both of them taking one last look at the locker.


	42. Candy Perfume Girl

**XLII. Candy Perfume Girl**

_Young velvet porcelain boy  
Devour me when you're with me  
Blue wish window seas  
Speak delicious fires _

_I'm your candy perfume girl  
Your candy perfume girl _

_Moist warm desire  
Fly to me _

_I'm your candy perfume girl  
Your candy perfume girl  
I'm your candy perfume girl  
Candy, candy _

_Rush me ghost you see  
Every center my home  
Fever steam girl  
Throb the oceans _

_Your candy perfume girl  
Candy perfume girl _

_Did I lie to you?  
Candy perfume girl  
Did I lie to you?  
Magic poison _

_You're a candy perfume boy  
A candy perfume boy  
You're a candy perfume boy  
You're candy _

_Candy perfume girl _

_The sacred nerve is magic poison  
It's candy, it's candy _

_I'm your candy perfume girl  
I'm your candy perfume girl  
Boy, girl, boy, girl, boy  
Candy _

**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to birthday girl Mallory. Thanks for reading/reviewing, and I hope all your b-day wishes come true. Oh, and to you and Joa, RESEARCH!**

_Both Sides Now is the property of Joni Mitchell_.

_Call and Answer is the property of Bare-naked Ladies._

_Both songs from the Rudolph the Red-Noised Reindeer are not my property._

So far, there's been hammering, scraping, metal shaking, and clanking. Ellie groans, opens the medicine cabinet, recovers the bottle of Tylenol. It was just ten in the morning, and Sean has basically worked his way through the living room, and the kitchen, fixing pipes, rickety chairs, and a pretty pathetic refrigerator her mother was thinking of getting rid of anyway. Yes, it's sweet, but it's also loud, very loud. She flinches slightly when the hammer gets going again. Okay, say something before the inevitable migraine, she decides.

Dressed in a black, cotton sweatshirt and jeans, not particularly attractive though all she could find before Sean showed at eight-thirty, she stands in the kitchen doorway. Sean taps a leg of the chair with his hammer, while Mrs. Nash pours Sean another cup of coffee. Sean made the offer to help around the house before he left on Christmas Eve, and the way things were going, he'd be doing things over there forever. Finishing with that chair, he sits in another.

"Creaky," he assesses, taking a deep breath, and pounding away.

"Okay, not to be a nag before New Year's...," shouts Ellie over the noise.

Sean smirks. "I'm almost done."

Ellie sighs. "Good."

"I suppose hammering for guys is like getting your nails done for girls," speaks up Mrs. Nash. "Therapeutic."

"Why would this house ever need therapy?" kids Ellie, patting Sean on the head.

"Have no clue," replies Sean, setting down the hammer. "Have you used your Christmas present yet?"

Ellie glances at the floor, biting her lip. After her mother gave Sean all that candy, everything ran smoothly. He told her mother more about the shop, and Mrs. Nash seemed impressed that he was balancing school and work. It went so well in fact that Ellie couldn't believe it was the same night as when Sean tried to quarantine himself off in the kitchen. The night ended with him presenting a gift to her, a phone card with good rates. She didn't want him to think she didn't want it, but truthfully she's never been much of a phone person. She'd rather talk to him, Marco, Ashley, and anyone else in the flesh. Also, maybe it meant that he'd be more busy and she wouldn't see him as much.

Mrs. Nash leaves the room, and Ellie, keeping an eye out so that she won't come back, shrugs.

"Not yet," confesses Ellie. "Sean, truthfully, I don't know when...when I would really need to use it. Mom's nice enough to pay my cell phone charges."

"Oh," says Sean, who doesn't appear disappointed.

"You're not mad?" asks Ellie, raising her eyebrows.

"If you can't, you can't," replies Sean.

Sean brushes past Ellie, goes into the living room. What? She probably wouldn't like it if she brought something for him and he didn't use it. Not upset, but definitely a little sad. Especially since it's their first Christmas together, their first few weeks of dating for a second time. Ugh, there has to be a way to use it.

"I'm sure there'll be a chance for me to use it," says Ellie, trailing Sean.

Mrs. Nash is in the living room, chatting animatedly to someone on the other line of the phone. She promised Ellie she'd activate the card last night, and Ellie agreed, no matter how indifferent she felt. Currently, she's not indifferent at all, waiting for Sean to respond.

"Um, relatives in Fergus...next year, for college friends that live far away," continues Ellie, still hoping for some type of reaction on Sean's face.

"No skin off my back," says Sean, heading over to Mrs. Nash.

Ellie crosses her arms. Some emotion wouldn't kill him. She put so much effort into thinking of a gift for him, one that never really happened, but yeah, definitely a lot of work into their own Tahiti. The card obviously meant nothing. Great, Sean, she thinks. Great.

"Fine," says Ellie, quietly. "I won't use it ever."

"How about now?" asks Sean, holding up the cradle of the Nash's phone.

Ellie feels heat rising in her cheeks. "Huh?"

Sean and Mrs. Nash smile at each other. Ellie slowly walks over, cradles the phone against her ear.

"Hello?" she says, tentatively.

"Sweetheart!" cries a voice she hasn't heard for months. "How's my girl?"

The only voice she'd let call her sweetheart without being annoyed, the voice she'd been hoping to hear. It may be after Christmas. That didn't take anything away from it.

"Dad," chokes out Ellie, tears shining as she glances at her mother and Sean.

"Yeah, yeah. I've been wanting to talk with you," says Mr. Nash, sounding on the verge of tears. "Your mom's been telling me all about your accomplishments."

"Never mind me," says Ellie, smiling through her tears. "Are you well?"

"Oh, great," answers Mr. Nash. "Had to chow down on some rotten fruitcake. Guys in the barracks can't cook. Shame."

Ellie laughs, recalling their own fruitcake mishaps.

"I really appreciate you holding down the fort while I've been away," says Mr. Nash. "You said you'd be brave before I left, and you really have. I'm in Panjshir now. Wish I was home so I can see you all."

Ellie wipes her eyes, feels a warmth inside her chest. Yes, this card is definitely one she'd be making use of, grabbing Sean's hand. He grins at her, then up at her mother.

"I wish you were home too," breathes Ellie.

II.

"It stinks in here!" exclaims Clara.

Manny rolls her eyes, turns the page of a magazine. Exhaling, Clara comes up behind Manny, grabs a clipboard that's sitting in front of her.

"Backroom funk?" asks Manny.

"Smells like flowery funk," corrects Clara.

Clara gives Manny a pointed look, disappears once more. Manny glances at her shoulder quickly.

"Cucumber body spray!" corrects Manny, glaring after her.

Insults had been thrown at her all morning, all of them indirect or subtle, though still pretty mean. About her sequined vest, her hair, how long it took Manny to ring up purchases. She had never been this mean without a reason before, so Manny knows something must've gone down between her and Toby.

Why, why, why did I agree to come back, sighs Manny inwardly. Oh yeah, mostly because of Toby, who isn't even working. That makes it all the more clear that he'd be leaving for camp tomorrow. Does she want to tell him what he wants to hear? When they were in Degrassi, her taking in the locker, they seemed so isolated, without any worries. The image of her locker stayed with her the most, despite all the nice presents she got from her family and Emma's family. She smiles, then realizes she's losing her concentration. She has to give him an answer. Too bad her thoughts are interrupted by two girls coming through the door.

"Considering your next embarrassing video, Miss Degrassi?" teases one of the girls.

Manny recalls Heather's cronies from the pageant, though they were so identical she can't remember their names.

"We loved your little exit, crying like a baby," adds the other girl. "At least Julia Roberts never cried as the runaway bride."

Heather enters, going through her green, designer cloth bag. Not her too, thinks Manny.

"Guess you were going more for Cinderella in _Ever After_," says the first girl. "Disgraced...lost...lumpy."

They both laugh, do a high-five.

"Lumpy?" says Heather. "Try curvaceous. It's mildly in this year."

"Heather...," starts the second girl.

"It's post-pageant," says Heather. "Pick a new target, ladies. Go wait in the limo and tease the chauffeur."

"Cool beans," whispers the first girl, dragging the other blonde out of the store.

Manny tries to hide a smile, accepts the video Heather hands her.

"Late," informs Manny, after scanning the tape.

"Oh, wow, the world's going to end because _Drop Dead Gorgeous _is late," says Heather, dryly. "So what are they having you do next?"

"Some charity function at the Rotary Club, but that's not for weeks," says Manny.

"Psh, charity," scoffs Heather, Manny detecting a small amount of interest in her tone. "Reason I'm glad I only got second place pageant trophies. With champion dance trophies, focus is on me."

"Mmm hmmm," says Manny, smirking.

"Well, it is," insists Heather.

"Like with your fanbase?" says Manny, nodding at the door. "Speaking of which...thanks for that."

"My life doesn't revolve around making you look bad, Santos," replies Heather. "Besides, that got boring real fast and got me nowhere. That doesn't mean it won't stop, of course."

"How much trouble did it get you in?" asks Manny.

"Don't expect to see my pretty face at the center for awhile. You don't need to know anymore," says Heather, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"Fine."

Clara returns, pinching her nose, bumps Manny forward on her way to the computer. Manny strokes her forehead, watching Heather's eyes scan Clara's clothes.

"Nah, too easy," whispers Heather, shaking her head at Clara.

Manny glances at Clara, then stares at Heather.

"And Toby?" prompts Manny.

Clara raises her head, obviously trying to make sense of what they were saying. Manny isn't sure it's a good time to bring this up, but who knows when she'll speak to Heather again, if ever.

"He can walk the halls easy," says Heather, shrugging. "I'd be worried if I were Michalchuk, however."

Heather grins at Manny, starts to make her way out.

"Heather?" calls out Manny.

Heather turns around.

"Thanks," finishes Manny.

"Whatever," replies Heather, the door swinging after her.

She's not sure how to take Heather's words, aware that Heather can turn on politeness pretty easily. Still, it's a lot better than worrying what she'll do next. Manny goes to put the tape back in its position, but Clara grabs it from her. Ugh, not another acid-tongue remark. Manny shivers under her vest.

"I got it," says Clara.

Manny gives her a puzzled look, guesses it's good to go with the flow. Besides, Clara would be out of her hair after today. And with Toby, an annoying reminder flashing in her mind. She leans in the doorway of the backroom, her sight traveling to the front door every now and then.

"You packed?" speaks up Manny.

"Yep," replies Clara.

"They said there was call for an ice storm tomorrow. I think it lifted, though," says Manny.

"Heard," says Clara.

"Never figured you for the one word answer type," shrugs Manny.

Clara slides the box into its container, folds her arms, stares at Manny.

"I want him to be happy, Manny, no matter what," she says, suddenly.

Manny's lips part. This is some, awkward strange shift in conversation. Then again, is Clara ever really subtle?

"So do I," says Manny, softly.

"It's not looking good for me," says Clara, forcing out a small laugh. "Not good at all."

Manny smooths her vest, offers her a sympathetic smile.

"He came in here the first day, and I swear...I swear I knew," whispers Clara. "I kept thinking oh, he'll come around, Clara. He'll come around. It's hard when you watch a movie, and see it happen in ninety minutes, and it's been over ninety days, and Toby's...well, it hasn't happened."

Clara wipes her the tears drying her cheek with the edge of her vest, Manny closing her eyes. The effect is still felt; Clara's crying comes through loud and clear.

"I know waiting for him is hard," admits Manny. "Believe me."

"Yeah, well, at least you have someone to wait for," says Clara, turning away.

Manny backs up, stands behind the counter, drums lightly on the top. The store clock ticks above her, and she's waiting, waiting for this shift to be over.

III.

"_There's always tomorrow for dreams to come true_...," sings Jay, tapping his sneaker against the wood floor of Sean's room.

Ellie sits with Sean on his bed, all of them positioned in front of the television Sean lugged to his bedroom after Ellie said she needed to stay there. Jay tugs at the end of his Santa hat, grins widely.

"And of course, he knows this one too," mutters Sean, chuckling.

"_Tomorrow is the day I'll get laid_," finishes Jay.

"Perverting _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_," laughs Ellie. "Crass at its best."

"It begs to be perverted," defends Jay. "Him and Frosty. I leave Charlie Brown alone at least. Kid's got enough issues."

"What a mark of compassion," says Sean, throwing a bandanna at him.

Ellie crosses her legs, shakes her head.

"You're one to talk, freak," says Jay. "Ellie, did you know your man knows all the songs to this one?"

"For real?" says Ellie, elbowing Sean.

"No," mutters Sean, turning red.

"Ha!" says Jay. "She had no idea."

"I've got an idea," replies Sean, pulling up Jay by the arm. "Why don't you make good on your present?"

"The month's worth of movie passes?" says Jay. "What are you two going to do for two double features? Discuss poetry? Or the newest car parts? One thing's for sure, you ain't discussing getting acquainted with what's under each other's hoods."

"Crass again," mumbles Ellie, sticking her tongue out at Jay.

Jay harrumphs, but they hear his shoes squeak all the way to the door, and a resolute slam. Ellie's glad, that Sean's no longer working at her house, that the paper's done, that school is more than a week away. And the phone call from her father. Well, that topped everything. She fixes her eyes on the screen, Sean laying next to her. Ellie sings along with the song playing throughout the room:

"_We may be different from the rest  
Who decides the test  
Of what is really best? _

We're a couple of misfits  
We're a couple of misfits  
What's the matter with misfits  
That's where we fit in!"

Sean groans. "You're trying to make me sing with you, aren't you?"

"No...no...why...why would I do that?" jokes Ellie. "I'm...just identifying with the misfits song."

"Yeah, sure," waves off Sean.

"What?" continues Ellie. "The hot rebel and the punk girl...we haven't always fit in."

"True," agrees Sean. "But we...we weren't ever that cheesy. That elf...looks like a wimp."

"Okay, yeah," concedes Ellie. "I remember you saying some cheesy stuff. Like, 'I guess I got to you' all James Dean-like on the roof."

"Dream on," says Sean, in his best Ellie impression.

Ellie playfully pushes him, a shocked expression on her face. She gets up, loosens her hair from a ponytail, then ducks into the washroom next to Sean's bedroom. When Sean finished the chairs, he had her sit on each one to see if it was safe. While all of them were secure, the backs were so erect, that it made her own back tense up. The cost of good furniture, moans Ellie inwardly, massaging her neck. What's a little comforting to her is that being in the washroom isn't strange at all. No, it feels like Sean strolling around the Nash house, knowing exactly where everything is. When did this comfort come? Perhaps when she was preparing for Tahiti that night, flitting about in her nightgown? The memory makes her smile. Even Marco stopped to admire her then. Today, not so admirable in her sweatshirt and jeans. A light whispering sound penetrates the silence.

"_We may be different from the rest  
Who decides the test  
Of what is really best?"_

Sean nods to the music, mouth moving. Ellie exits the washroom, flops on the bed again with him.

"I heard you," says Ellie after a full minute goes by.

"Shoot," grumbles Sean, changing the channel, Ellie laughing.

A music video plays in the background, Sean putting an arm around her. She rubs her shoulder again.

"Hey...you tense?" asks Sean.

"No, relaxed," assures Ellie. "All responsibilities taken care of. Strangely not a concern at all."

"Finally," says Sean, putting a pillow behind her head.

"Amazingly," adds Ellie. "This is nice. No parents, no potential love interests to unnerve us..."

"No Jay," interrupts Sean.

Ellie leans in, lets Sean slowly stroke her hurt shoulder, casually plays with collar of his T-shirt. He kisses her mouth, fully, her neck gently. Ellie's heart speeds up, holding his hair as his lips trace her skin.

"Too bad your wallet's empty," she whispers.

"Wallet is," whispers Sean. "The drawer isn't."

Ellie reaches over Sean's, pulls the drawer open, stares at it.

"Always seemed like a big deal before," says Ellie. "Like the world is watching."

Sean nods, starting to rise from the bed. Ellie draws him to her again.

"But all that matter is that you're watching me," says Ellie, smiling shyly. "You feel like watching some more?"

Sean beams. "You are hotter than the elf."

Ellie giggles, grabs the end of Sean's shirt, inches it up. Sean lets her fingers graze the top of his waist, clutches her hair as he kisses her more intensely, music moving as sweetly as he is, as if it were planned. In truth, none of this is planned, and that relaxes her more.

_I think it's getting to the point  
where I can be myself again  
I think it's getting to the point  
where we have almost made amends  
I think it's the getting to the point  
that is the hardest part. _

For all the words she's written in the past few weeks, she has no words for this. Every doubt that entered her mind since he's returned slips away, only the doubt of her actually being here staying. New feelings are exposed as her skin exposes itself, body growing intensely warm. Each touch leads gently into another, fingers searching, near her bellybutton, the curve of her thighs, Sean shielding her with his body.

_And if you call, I will answer  
and if you fall, I'll pick you up  
and if you court this disaster  
I'll point you home _

You think I only think about you  
when we're both in the same room  
You think I'm only here to witness  
the remains of love exhumed  
You think we're here to play  
a game of who loves more than whom

He could always do this, make her feel girly, innocent. He did on the roof too. The butterflies, the sweat of being touched by a boy, a boy who liked her as much as she liked him. That mutual feeling lead him to be the first she let in, about her cutting, her family, the first she let in her heart, and today, another crucial first, Ellie meshing her lips with his.

Their breaths growing ragged, bodies intertwined, Ellie kisses his ear as she holds him with one hand, the other hand resting against the sheets. Sean loops his fingers through hers, looking into her eyes, chest heaving up and down.

_But I'm warning you, don't ever do  
those crazy, messed up things that you do  
If you ever do  
I promise you I'll be the first to crucify you  
Now it's time to prove that you've come back  
here to rebuild.  
_

"You feel any different?" whispers Sean, moving some sweaty hair from her forehead, tracing her cheek.

"Yeah...like I love you a little more," whispers Ellie.

"Me too," says Sean, kissing her again.

_Rebuild, rebuild, rebuild..._

Ellie moans, kissing him, kneading Sean's head with the palm of her hand. And she thought she couldn't be more relaxed.

IV.

The sky darkens outside, a hard gust of wind pressing against Manny's bedroom window. Wow, when is the last time she's been here? She knows the answer, can barely bring herself to let it enter her brain. The day she dropped those papers on the floor, the papers that got her father got upset with her. She truly believed she would never be welcome in the apartment again, see this room again. She flips on the light switch, opens her closet.

Dragging out a box, she sets her presents inside. A collection of plays from her mother, a couple of CDs from J.J., and one hundred bucks from her dad. The one hundred bucks was far from plain. Her father didn't earn much as a case-on-case contractor, even with the holiday bonus. Maybe it was to make up for lost time since J.J. only received seventy dollars. She told him she got the same amount. Feeling bad for J.J., she puts one CD in her old player, hears a pretty song blaring.

She'd brought along her large purse from Emma's as well, and decides it's best to put the money in there. Sitting on her bed, she tries to stuff it in, sighs when she can't, tips the purse over. Out spill some coins, her wallet, and something she hasn't seen since the ski trip.

"Craig," says Manny, holding the ice skating charm bracelet up to the light.

Manny bites her lips, takes a deep breath, lets the lyrics sink in.

_Moons and jewels and ferris wheels  
The dizzy dancing way you feel  
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real  
I've looked at love that way  
_

There are some things she just wouldn't change. There were kisses she wouldn't forget, some laughter, some tears. He'd been a pretty good boyfriend too, or tried to be. Her favorite has to be him saying she was worth the risk on the ice rink. But that was two years ago, and her last spin on the ice rink wasn't with him.

_But now it's just another show  
You leave 'em laughing when you go  
And if you care, don't let them know  
Don't give yourself away _

I've looked at love from both sides now  
From give and take, and still somehow  
It's love's illusions I recall

I really don't know love at all

She loved him enough to wait, a couple months, and she was more than willing to do it. Like Clara, she thought he'd come around.The bracelet gleams in her hands, shining so bright it hurts her eyes, almost as bright as the stars starting to appear outside her window. Toby watched the stars with her too. Man, what hadn't they done in this small amount of time? He comforted her without her asking him to. She recalls being there for him too, even after that lame panther dance. In fact, she went in early the next day to see how he was.

_A paper airplane skirted over her head as she passed through the Media Immersion room, Snake too busy clacking away at his keyboard to notice. A full-blown food fight could be going on and he'd still be doing binary code, says Manny, smirking, searching for her friend. She saw J.T. trying his best to convince Liberty that he didn't want to sign up for the next lunchtime cabaret, Emma hanging up a poster with Mama Onu turtles on the bulletin board since Snake gave her the okay. Toby stared wistfully at Emma, released a deep breath._

"_Guess how many times I've Googled myself?" said Manny, sitting next to Toby._

_Toby offers a polite smile. _

"_Unlike everyone else, I'm not ashamed to admit it," continued Manny. "I don't get many hits. But that'll change."_

_Toby chuckled. "Yeah?"_

"_Okay, not as many as mini-Joan of Arc over there," said Manny, nodding her head towards Emma. "Still upset that the female half of the panther species wouldn't go there?"_

_Toby frowned, focused on the computer screen so Manny couldn't read his face._

"_She's not the only girl in school, Toby," whispered Manny._

"_She's the only girl I like," whispered Toby. "She's pretty...smart..."_

"_I understand waiting for the one," sighed Manny. "She may not be the one, you know."_

_Toby glanced one more time at Emma, reluctantly nodded at Manny._

"_I know how to find out, though," says Manny, winking at him._

"_How?" prompted Toby._

_Manny moved Toby's mouse, clicked on the top, and entered a webpage. Poor Toby. She hated watching his face fall when Emma kissed Sean after he worked so hard to be a panther for her. Despite his screw-ups, he did put in the effort after Manny had to bail. She can help him now at least._

"_Ah ha!" exclaimed Manny._

"_Horoscopes?" said Toby, blinking blankly at her._

"_Yeah, horoscopes," replies Manny. "The stars tell all. What to eat, what to expect, who to date. Mine says I'd meet someone tall, dark, and artistic. So Johnny Depp's walking through that door any minute."_

_Toby laughed. "Fine."_

"_So what's your sign?" asked Manny. "And no, I'm not trying to pick you up."_

"_Cancer," answered Toby. _

"_Hot sign," complimented Manny. "Too bad I'm off the market."_

_Manny clicked a couple icons, reading the words underneath. She was glad to see Toby brightening a bit. Seeing her friends happy always made her spirits higher. She wasn't a brain like Emma or Liberty, but she was good at this._

"_See. You're going to meet someone vivacious, gorgeous, a classic beauty," read Manny. "No use sulking."_

"_At twelve?" said Toby, incredulously._

"_It can happen," assured Manny. "Don't argue with fate, Toby."_

"_Who's arguing with who?" asked J.T., coming up from behind. _

"_None of your business," replied Manny._

"_Manny's trying to map out my love life," shared Toby._

"_She does that for everyone," waved off J.T. "She told me that me and Liberty were going to hook up."_

_Toby and J.T. stared at each other, then laughed._

"_Just you wait," said Manny. "Toby's going to find the woman of his dreams in this school."_

"_He did," said J.T., rolling his eyes. "Emma Nelson."_

"_No," said Manny, exchanging a look with Toby. "Someone else."_

Manny bunches up the bracelet, smiling as those last words repeat in her mind. Someone else. Sometimes it isn't who you planned, or when you planned. Didn't Spike say it's unexpected, that the timing has to be right?

A knock sounds at the door, Joseph waving at her in the doorway.

"Come in," invites Manny.

Joseph sits on the bed next to her, takes her hand gently.

"Christmas was my favorite holiday this year," he shares.

Manny blushes, looks down. In short, he's saying it's his favorite because she is there with them. Amazingly, it felt the same. Joseph carving the turkey, J.J. complaining about his latest girlfriend which is who Manny thinks her CD really came from, Maria making the rounds. If home is a feeling, she's feeling it.

"Mine too," says Manny.

"That's why Mama and I would like you to stay," says Joseph, staring warmly at her.

Her mouth drops. Wow. She wouldn't have to feel home anymore; she can actually be at home. No more shared basement bedroom with Emma, no more wondering what her parents were doing.

"Really?" whispers Manny.

"Yes," replies Joseph. "It's taken me a while to say it, but it's what I've always felt. I've always felt you should be here...with us."

Manny rests her head on Joseph's shoulder, grins. Everything is falling into place. Well, almost everything. And as much as she'd love to, the idea of up and leaving Emma, Snake, Spike, and Jack doesn't thrill her as much as it should. They'd become family too, family in a really dark time. If running away in the mall taught her anything, it's to be accountable to the feelings of others, not just her own.

"I want to finish the year at Emma's, Dad," answers Manny. "Pay them for the things they've done by working. Then...then I'll come home for my last year of school."

Joseph nods, offering her a sad smile. "We'd...still be in touch?"

"Definitely," reassures Manny. "We could do...like a weekly lunch? You and me?"

"Yes...yes, I'd like that," agrees Joseph, eyes shining.

They hug, Manny releasing him when their hearts start to slow down.

"Dad...what do you think of me having a boyfriend?" asks Manny, surprised the words topple out of her mouth.

"Manuella...," starts Joseph.

"I am sixteen," reminds Manny. "And I care for him a lot. In fact, he's...um, kinda waiting because of you. He helped convince me to talk to you, actually."

Joseph sighs. "I should probably cut him some slack then."

Manny beams. "Probably."

"Drag him along on a couple of the lunches," says Joseph. "I'd like to get to know him. You know, well enough so we're sitting in the same pew."

"Okay," says Manny, blushing at her father figuring out who the guy is.

"Is he Catholic?"

"Dad!" cries Manny.

"Fine, fine," says Joseph. "That's enough boyfriend talk. We will see."

Joseph kisses Manny on the cheek, leaves, closing the door behind him.

Manny stands, walks to her dresser, lays the bracelet on the floor of the bottom drawer, covering it with her extra blanket. The history with Craig would have to be buried, not forgotten, but put to rest in warm remembrance.

_Tears and fears and feeling proud  
To say "I love you" right out loud  
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds  
I've looked at life that way _

But now old friends are acting strange  
They shake their heads, they say I've changed  
Well something's lost, but something's gained  
In living every day

She turns up the radio, the discussion with her father making her light-hearted, as light as when she was simply sharing Toby's horoscopes with him. I'm either in love, or really obsessed with the stars, gazing out at the sky. Because of that, she can wait for him to say what he has to, wait to see if their future is what she hopes. Like she told Toby, it can happen. He can make it happen.


	43. Cherish

**XLIII. Cherish**

_So tired of broken hearts and losing at this game  
Before I start this dance  
I take a chance in telling you  
I want more than just romance  
You are my destiny, I can't let go baby can't you see  
Cupid please take your aim at me_

_Cherish the thought  
Of always having you here by my side (oh baby I)  
Cherish the joy  
You keep bringing it into my life (I'm always singing it)  
Cherish your strength  
You got the power to make me feel good (and baby I)  
Perish the thought  
Of ever leaving, I never would_

_I was never satisfied with casual encounters  
I can't hide my need for two hearts that bleed with burning love  
That's the way it's got to be  
Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way I bet  
So don't underestimate my point of view_

_Who? You! Can't get away I won't let you  
Who? You! I could never forget to  
Cherish is the word I use to remind me of your love  
Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way I bet  
So don't underestimate my point of view  
Who? You! Can't get away I won't let you  
Who? You! I could never forget to  
Cherish is the word I use to remind me of your love_

_Give me faith give me joy, my boy  
I will always cherish you _

_**These Are A Few of My Favorite Hacks is the property of Guy Steele (no relation to Cassie...that I know of.) :P**_

"This is torture," mumbles Craig through pursed lips.

Angie uncaps a tube of lip gloss, puts one hand on Craig's cheek, starts to smear some on his puckered mouth. Craig shudders, but Angie makes sure he doesn't shift his head.

"You take away my puppy, you pay," says Angie, grinning. "I need a model to test on before I go to my sleepover. I'm giving my first make-overs."

"It was Ashley's...," he starts to protest. "You know what...never mind."

His younger sister smiles triumphantly, lets Craig glance in a small mirror she holds up.

"Cherry looks good on you," compliments Angie, giggling.

Craig shakes his head, lowers it. Now, he wishes he never agreed to give Janis away. It's all pretty sad, actually. The apartment was gone, left to be occupied by some other couple starting their lives together. Janis, his gift to Ashley, wound up in a stranger's arms, although with the best intentions. And London is looming over them, Ashley disappearing for an entire month. They were together, but all their plans fell through.

"When is Ashley going to London?" questions Angie, grabbing her overnight bag.

Ever since Ashley's impromptu performance, Angie had been a little obsessed with their relationship, maybe to compensate for her lost obsession with Janis. Laying down on Angie's lavender comforter, containers of nail polish and remover rolling to his head, he strokes his sweatpants.

"This summer," groans Craig.

"She should take me," says Angie. "I'm good company. Besides, I'm really into Lady Sovereign. _Love me or hate me..._sounds like you and Ashley after she smacked you."

"Lady Sovereign!" complains Craig, standing up. "What? Out of all the British music in the world...the Kinks, the Beatles, the Who..."

"The Who what?" interrupts Angie.

"Just...just no, you need music education or something," says Craig, lightly tugging Angie's ponytail. "Enough make-up. There's only so much I can take."

"Are you going to miss her?" asks Angie.

"Yeah...yeah, I am," replies Craig, softly.

They both turn their heads at a knock at the door, Joey and Diane in Angie's doorway, Diane in a very form-fitting, pretty, pale green robe, Joey wearing a white T-shirt and jeans. Yeah, thinks Craig. Guess his eighties' showcase did the trick if Diane is in a robe. Joey throws Craig a huge smile, though he wasn't smiling when he saw Tessa Campanelli yesterday. Craig smirks, then plays it cool.

"Don't mean to interrupt the fun, but your songstress is here," says Diane.

"Huh?" says Craig.

"Ashley," supplies Joey. "Downstairs."

Craig's eyes widen, then drop to his ratty looking sweatpants and old Death Cab T-shirt, the same clothes he slept in. He can't face Ashley in this, touching his lips instinctively, trying to rub off the gloss.

"I put a lot on," laughs Angie.

"Can't go down there like this," moans Craig. "I'm..."

"You're cute," assures Diane. "Take it from one of your biggest fans."

"Hey!" says Joey, playfully, wrapping an arm around Diane's waist.

"Fine...fine," mumbles Craig, brushing past Joey and Diane.

He goes down the steps hesitantly, views Ashley in her wool, black coat, faded jeans, and blue Converse shoes, sitting on their family room couch. The green and red Christmas tree lights, which they turned on for Boxing Day yesterday, were still on, the reflection flickering on Ashley's hair. It reminds him of a less pleasant holiday season, when they were dealing with Manny and his lies at the tree-trimming party. However, today, she's smiling, knees bouncing with excitement. She beams at him when the groaning sound of the steps from him coming down announces his arrival. Ugh, it isn't fair that she looks like that, he thinks. Lucky he brushed his teeth and took a shower earlier.

"Hey," greets Craig, when he reaches the final step.

"Sorry I came over so early," says Ashley, rising up, kissing him on the lips.

Craig blushes when he notices Ashley's confused expression.

"Mmmm...cinnamon?" guesses Ashley.

"Cherry," corrects Craig.

"Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers?"

"Diane's gift to Angie. She loves them."

"Nice," says Ashley. "Anyways, sit. I have something for you."

Craig and Ashley fall back into the couch at the same time, Craig impatiently rubbing his hands together. Ashley laughs, hands him an envelope.

"Cash for Christmas," jokes Craig, shaking the envelope. "You shouldn't have! It's not like my account is empty, you know."

"It's not cash...it's as good as cash, I'm thinking," says Ashley.

Craig nods, tears open the envelope. He takes out a ticket with printed information, the logo for Toronto Air in the corner, seat unspecified, name clear as day. _Craig Manning_. The ticket falls to the floor, Craig's lips parting.

"No good if you drop it," says Ashley, retrieving it.

"Why'd you...," begins Craig.

"I want you to come on tour with me," says Ashley. "We'll run amok in Piccadilly, come up with inappropriate Big Ben jokes, hit every musical landmark in creation whenever we can..."

He's sure his heart is moving as fast as a train on the Tube. London. Wow. Last time she couldn't wait to get away from him, and this time...this time, she didn't want to. Going with her would definitely be a dream come true for him, and unlike the failed apartment, and Janis, it is something that's all her idea, with no hesitations.

"Not to persuade you in the least, but...um, my account's empty now too," says Ashley. "We'd be going to England pretty poor. You going would make it all worth it, though."

"Wait...you wasted your money on me?" asks Craig, staring at her. "You sure you want me in London?"

"I spent all those nights in London thinking about you and my mistakes," says Ashley, shrugging. "Trying to sort out who I was. Didn't figure it out until I was with you. So I guess I don't feel like me without you."

Craig grins, rubs her knee. She said at the party that she wasn't afraid to be with him. How can he pass this up when she has all this faith? Every time he thought it made fall apart, because of Sean, or the apartment, or the festival, she has come through.

"There's no way I'd say no," says Craig, pulling her to him, Ashley's head laying on his chest.

"Bring the lip gloss," whispers Ashley.

"If you brings yours," laughs Craig, kissing Ashley's forehead.

II.

Manny pounds on the glass door, though not too hard since she doesn't want to break it. She stares up an aisle holding screwdrivers, different types of nails, and drill bits, Spinner pressing up against her back.

"Spinner!" whispers Manny, throwing him an annoyed look.

"Sorry," whispers Spinner. "Dude, no one's in there."

Manny peers in, pounds again, glances back at the group behind her. Her father, two of his work associates, Spinner, Emma, and the pageant tech crew, including Nate, with Darcy, are doing the same, eager to see if they've wasted their morning. It was horrible getting there. The predicted ice storm hit around seven, doing a number on the streets, though Joseph packed as many people as possible into his white van, as did his friend, picking up Nate and Darcy. Thankfully, Manny hears the metallic shake of keys, a blonde-haired man approaching them. His eyes widen in surprise, as he unlocks the door, stares down at Manny.

"Hi, Mr. Campanelli!" greets Manny.

"Hi...um, what...what are you doing...," he stammers.

"Well, I called in a few friends, and they're anxious to buy," informs Manny. "Particularly Joseph Santos, a contractor, and his co-workers."

Joseph smiles, raises his hand, gestures to the two men next to him.

"And we need wood!" speaks up Nate. "Striking for the pageant showed that we're desperately in need of some better lumber."

"I've...I've got wood," says Mr. Campanelli, beaming.

Spinner does a light chuckle, but Emma elbows him.

"Come...come in!" instructs Mr. Campanelli, letting the group pass through the door.

He's met with excited whispers, Darcy dragging Nate off to one part of the store in particular, Manny nodding in satisfaction. After running out on the ceremony, her conscience started to poke her. True, she came back to cut the ribbon, but she didn't want the Campanelli's business to be looked at as a laughingstock due to her emotions. The teasing from Heather's friends made her think that was a big possibility, so she had to make up for it some way. After her talk with her dad, she got on the phone, calling up the crew, and Joseph offered to come in himself with his friends. Hopefully, Heather's lemmings were an exception, and people did come in here to do business.

The real person she has to call she didn't get the chance to talk to, some of the conversations lasting way too long, especially Darcy, who was upset that Chante hated her for liking Nate. Man, Darcy could talk when she was upset. That meant no conversation with Toby last night, who she is sure is as anxious as her friends before entering the store. She pulls out her cellphone, checks her watch. He told her his bus is leaving at noon, so she has to catch him before then.

"Manny!" yells Emma.

She almost jumps out of her skin, places a hand over her heart.

"Emma!" whispers Manny, angrily.

"Look what Spinner wants to buy me," says Emma, making sure Spinner is far away.

Emma displays a framed, animatronic fish, with the emblazoned words "Catch of the Day" under it. The fish is kinda cute, she thinks. But yeah, a pretty lame present.

"I thought he got you a yoga mat for Christmas," says Manny.

"He did," says Emma. "This he's getting out of the kindness of his heart."

"Ewww," moans Manny, scrunching up her nose.

"It sings too," whispers Emma. "That's the worst part."

Emma presses a red button under the fish's stomach, and a high-pitched, cartoonish voice sings, as the fin wags from side to side.

"_Down in the meadow in a little bitty pool...swam three little fishies and the mama fishie too..."_

Emma shivers, grits her teeth. Manny laughs, watches Spinner walk to them, singing along.

"_And they swam and they swam all over the dam_, " sings Spinner. "Man, Emma, I knew you wouldn't be able to stop pressing that button, man. And it's all nature-like and stuff. I'm so buying that for you. Awesome!"

Manny decides to leave when Emma gives Spinner a hesitant smile, starts to try and convince Spinner that she has no place for it. If she knew her best friend, that fish wouldn't be leaving the store. Mr. Campanelli walks past her, with Sully lugging some cardboard.

"Thank you, Miss Santos," says Mr. Campanelli, as others mill around, inspecting pliers or evaluating sheets of lumber.

"No problem," says Manny.

Her phone rings, and she excuses herself, standing next to some decorative wall stencils. Maybe it's Toby checking in for her answer. She smiles, gripping the phone hard.

"Hello?" says Manny, cheerfully.

"Miss Santos, hello," says Ms. Dale.

Ah, she's so sick of being called Miss Santos. Warren, Mrs. Tellman, Ms. Dale, Mr. Campanelli. What happened to Manny? Especially if it's Toby saying it. She'd really like to hear that right about now.

"Oh, hi," says Manny, a frown replacing her smile.

Great. Ms. Dale and Mrs. Tellman hadn't said a word about her slip-up on-camera, but she's pretty sure the repercussions would be pretty bad. The loss of her title, and the loss of a possible agent. No one wants a girl who can't perform.

"Someone told me that there's a bit of an event there?" says Ms. Dale. "I'm heading over there with my photographer. We just got back with Lia from a session."

"You...you are?" stutters Manny.

"The more positive public appearances you have, the better," replies Ms. Dale. "You're not as scandalous as Vanessa Williams in her pageant days, but like her, you are a good actress. Stay put."

Ms. Dale clicks off, Manny's eyes bugging out. Stay put. She can't stay put. For how long? Her watch reads ten-thirty.

"Okay...okay, it's going to work out," says Manny, taking out her phone. "I'll call him right this second."

III.

Toby packs his wireless mouse, surprisingly his favorite gift ever, from Ashley of all people, next to the mousepad, about to close the briefcase Kate got him for Christmas. He goes downstairs, takes a deep breath, watching his breath circle in the air when he opens the door. A gust of cold wind blows in his face, nearly knocking his glasses off, and he pulls his suitcase from the foyer to the front stoop. He sets down the briefcase momentarily to fix his glasses.

He spent most of yesterday packing, though every now and then, his eyes would drift to the phone in his room, or his cellphone. Maybe she'd call, maybe she wouldn't. Could he blame her if she didn't? Well, perhaps. He thought he deserved an answer at least, even if he didn't like it. Besides, Manny was reliable with that sort of thing, as reliable as he tried to be. She will call. He told her noon after dropping her off that night, and she will call. Won't she?

Jeff props open the trunk, positions Clara's suitcase in. One call he didn't expect last night was from Clara, asking for a ride to the bus station. Toby practically choked on his pasta when Jeff announced he'd be giving her a ride. Then Toby thought about it, realizing that Christian had to man the store around then, so yes, it makes sense. Still, it would make for one awkward car ride.

Clara stares at him through the back car window, biting her lip. Her pink cheeks are covered by a dark blue scarf, and she looks very innocent. Man, he hates putting her through all that he has, and he hates that their friendship has suffered.

He hears a scuffle of feet, seeing Kate fumble around on the icy stoop, her high heels twisting a bit as she goes down with Toby's briefcase.

"You alright?" asks Toby.

"Yes...yes, I'm alright enough to make sure you get off to the station," replies Kate, taking one more step. "Let me just...zip this up...and..."

"Kate!" cries Jeff. "Watch it!"

"Oh!" yells Kate, falling to the sidewalk, the contents of Toby's briefcase falling with her.

"Anything bruised?" shouts Jeff, walking over to her and Toby, who helps her up.

"My ego, and my butt, not exactly in that order," answers Kate, grabbing Toby's arm. "Toby...I heard a bit of a snap before I tripped. It's not your mouse, is it?"

Raising his eyes in alarm, Toby goes over, looks on the icy patch next to the briefcase, sighs when he discovers what's been broken.

"It's...it's my phone," says Toby, feeling his heart sink to the lowest depths of his chest. "Everything else...survived."

"Well, you can have mine," soothes Jeff. "We'll get you a new one after camp. No worries."

No worries! Manny didn't know Jeff's number, and they were leaving the house so that was out.

"Toby, you weren't expecting a call or anything, right?" asks Kate, noticing Toby's expression.

"They would've called by now, I guess," replies Toby, starting to pack his things up again.

Jeff nods, ushers Kate to the passenger side of the car, helps her slide in. Toby picks up parts of the broken phone, gets in beside Clara, who remains silent, as the car roars to life. Once they reach the main street, he's not sure he can hold it in any longer. He lowers his head, tears threatening to come down.

"Toby," whispers Clara, resting a hand on his shoulder while Kate reassures Jeff she's fine up front. "What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on," whispers Toby. "It's my fault."

IV.

"I am ready to throw a screwdriver through the glass door!" whispers Manny, angrily. "Go all angry bank robber."

"Your cellphone worked perfectly yesterday," laments Emma, trying her best to get through. "No, not working on my phone either."

"Maybe J.T...," says Manny, shrugging.

"I'll call him," interrupts Emma, walking over to the side. "He should be at the pharmacy."

"I cannot stay here! I can't!" groans Manny, stroking her forehead. "He doesn't know how I feel."

"Who doesn't know how who feels?" speaks up Darcy, standing beside her. "Look, Manny, I found those stars where when you put them on the ceiling, they shine at night and..."

"Darcy!" shouts Manny.

"Chill," says Darcy, pathetically. "First Chante, then you. What's your problem?"

"I'm...I'm sorry," replies Manny.

The glass doors part, Ms. Dale, dressed in tan slacks and a white blouse, coming in, her photographer streaming behind her. Lia, the fellow actress she recalls meeting earlier, comes in next, a pricey parka covering most of her thin body.

"Oh, she's here," chirps Darcy, happily. "I told her all about the amazing thing you're doing, and I knew she'd come."

"What?" snaps Manny.

"No need to thank me," waves off Darcy. "Cool. There's stencils too."

Ms. Dale waves at Manny. Why is everything not working for her? Hopefully, Emma can track J.T. down, she thinks. At this rate, with Toby not answering, she would have to actually go to the bus station. And it's almost eleven-thirty, notes Manny, shaking hands with Ms. Dale after she approaches.

"I'm imagining some good candid shots," instructs Ms. Dale, glancing around the store. "Capture that feel good spirit. We're in the midst of the holiday season after all."

"Meaning ski trip for me," gushes Lia, throwing back her hair.

Ski trip. A feather could knock down Manny after hearing those two words. Toby would ride with Clara all the way up to Kytel, like he'd done as they headed to the ski trip. But that's where we first kissed, thinks Manny. Not Clara. _Me_.

"Listen, Ms. Dale, I..."

Manny pauses when she sees Emma across the way, waving her hands excitedly. She apparently has gotten a hold of J.T.

"Speaking of trips, I've talked to Lia, and she'd be willing to house you if your parents agree to the dramatic arts camp," says Ms. Dale, grinning at Manny.

"Wow, really?" cries Manny, turning back to the them.

"Yeah, well, you seem cool," says Lia. "It's no big."

"The only problem is that well, you're not signed yet," admits Ms. Dale.

"Oh...yeah," says Manny.

And the disappointment returns. Manny swallows a lump in her throat. She so does not feel like crying today. This whole break has been full of way too many tears.

"So let's sign you," adds Ms. Dale.

"For real?" exclaims Manny. "For real, for real?"

"Congratulations," says Lia.

"I'm...I'm signed!" yells Manny, causing everyone to stare at her. "And I..."

Emma jumps up and down, trying to get Manny's attention. Manny blanks as to why for a second, then remembers.

"So you'll just wander around today and Pierre will get some shots," says Ms. Dale.

Lia searches Manny's face, causing Manny to panic. She doesn't want Lia or Ms. Dale to think she's ungrateful, especially after those two wonderful offers. Luckily, Ms. Dale is leading Pierre to a spot where she thinks has decent lighting.

"What's up?" whispers Lia. "You were all _Legally Blonde_ happy and then..._Titanic _tragic?"

"Tragedy seems to follow me wherever I go," whispers Manny. "I need to get out of here. The boy I told you..."

"The animator?" interrupts Lia.

"He's leaving, unreachable, probably sad...I have to talk to him."

"How dire we talking?"

"Majorly dire."

"Watch a pro work," says Lia. "Practice for my film debut. You owe me, of course."

Manny gives her a puzzled look, watches curiously as Lia lets out a small cry, hunches over.

"Oh my...ah...ah, I...I...," shouts Lia.

Ms. Dale, Pierre, and Mr. Campanelli rush over, Lia laying down on the floor, sweat, real or conjured, pouring down her forehead.

"Lia, what's wrong?" asks Ms. Dale.

"I...I think it's my appendix!" groans Lia. "Doctor...doctor!"

Mr. Campanelli rises, rushes to the back of the store. Manny's father and friends circle around Lia. It almost seems real. The way she's squirming, the pained face.

"Lia, are you alright?" asks Manny.

"Yes...yes, I'll be fine," says Lia. "I...oh!"

"Clear the store!" calls out Mr. Campanelli, returning. "I dialed 911."

"Manny...call my mom!" says Lia.

"I can do that," offers Ms. Dale.

"No, I want Manny to do it," says Lia. "I trust her. She has to talk to him...I mean, her."

Lia says a number, winks at Manny when she sees everyone's looking at Manny.

"I'll call her right now!" assures Manny.

Manny smiles weakly at Lia, jogs to Emma, who looks as confused as the others. Emma opens her mouth to speak, stops when J.T. taps her on the shoulder. Out of breath, J.T. starts to unfasten the smock he wore at the mall's pharmacy.

"You said...Toby...trouble," breathes J.T. "Got here as fast as I could."

"I said I had trouble reaching Toby," explains Emma.

"All I heard were those two words, and someone singing really badly," says J.T.

"Stupid fish!" exclaims Emma.

"Forget that," intervenes Manny. "J.T., can you drive us to the bus station?"

J.T. shrugs. "Yeah."

"Good," says Manny, grabbing J.T.'s arm, dragging him towards the mall's entrance.

"Arm attached to body!" cries J.T. "Man!"

IV.

"Alright, dude!" says Derek, knocking fists with Danny.

"Alright, dude!" says Danny, doing the same.

"Weirdos," mumbles Clara, taking a seat behind Derek.

"Hey, Clara," says Derek, obviously overhearing her. "You want me to open your disk drive?"

"Oh yeah!" compliments Danny, high-fiving Derek.

"Sick," whispers Clara.

Clara makes a gagging noise, while Toby stares dismally at his father's cellphone that he knows won't ring. What if she did call, and couldn't get through? He'd never know. Still, the fact that she hadn't called before has to mean something. All that hope he'd had for the past month is in short supply, as he drops in the seat, looking ahead.

"I'm out this piece!" says Danny, starting to get off. "Peace, geeks! Oh, and Derek."

The bus is pretty full, and honestly this is the first time he's seen a lot of different people so into computers. He was picturing guys like him, with glasses and preppier clothes. But true to the pamphlet, there were guys in skater clothes and regular street clothes. All types. Clara, Derek, and himself are the only Degrassi kids, though.

The heavy breathing in front of him breaks his train of thought.

"Hey, Justin," says Clara.

Justin heaves up and down, hurriedly looks for his inhaler. He puts it in his mouth, presses down. Greased down blonde hair flutters as his breath steadies.

"Hi, Clara," says Justin. "Who's that?"

"Toby Isaacs," answers Clara. "He's a computer genius. He's taking all the prizes this year."

"My IQ would squash yours," says Justin, glaring at Toby.

"Look, I'm not in the mood, man," says Toby.

"You better be," says Justin. "Dork."

Toby rolls his eyes. Clara told him this camp might be competitive, but this guy seriously needed to get out more. Well, with Manny out of touch with him, he can throw himself into work. Justin faces the front of the bus, grinning proudly. Toby wouldn't mind beating him, if only to shut him up.

"He's such a loser," whispers Clara. "I beat him in graphics last year, and I'll do it this year."

"Maybe I will," whispers Toby.

"That's the spirit," says Clara, excitedly. "You looked sad there for awhile. Is it...is it, Manny?"

He's not sure whether to tell her or not. He is really struggling not to talk to someone, though. Why can't J.T. be here?

"She told me she'd tell me if she could wait," confesses Toby.

"She hasn't come," observes Clara. "Toby...I told you you might get hurt. Look, don't stress, okay? I'll make sure you have fun."

Toby grins warmly at her. "I thought you hated me."

"You're impossible to hate, Toby," says Clara. "No...no, it'll be good."

Toby nods, pockets his father's phone. He can't wait for her anymore, as much as he'd do it, since she can't wait for him.

"Stand down!" shouts a voice from outside. "Stand down!"

The bus driver gets out of his seat, opens the door.

"Harv?" he shouts.

"Gotta clear some ice," calls out Harv. "Fifteen minute delay. Stand down!"

The driver curses under his breath, closes the door, fetches a newspaper. Toby feels the same. The sooner he can leave Toronto, and Manny behind, the less aggravated he'll be.

V.

"You guys made me run a red light!" whispers J.T., covering his face as he, Emma, and Manny pass a police officer in the station.

"For your best friend's happiness," says Emma.

"I'm still so confused," admits J.T.

Manny, J.T., and Emma weave through some pretty upset passengers, Manny guessing that their buses have been delayed due to the storm. The storm annoyed her before, what with travelling to the hardware store, but it's really a best friend at this moment. She just hoped Toby's bus hadn't taken off.

Spying Danny eating a candy bar in one corner, her heart lifts. She hops over a footlocker, Emma and J.T. glancing at each other.

"Wow," says Danny, beaming. "What you'll do to get to me."

"Has Toby's bus left yet?" demands Manny.

"I don't know," replies Danny. "Does stand down mean something?"

Manny smiles widely. She'd heard that expression during bus rides to gymnastics meets.

"What's the number?" asks Manny.

"Eleven B," says Danny. "It's the one with the Geek Squad on board. Oh, and Derek."

"Thank you!" exclaims Manny, hugging him.

"Score!" cries Danny, after Manny releases him.

She walks past a couple gates, peering out at the numbers. Bus engines rumble, a whish sound filling her ears when doors open. A couple drivers smoke, leaning against their vehicles. She spots the number when the door to one heated bus clatters open, Manny letting out a sigh of relief. Going to the door, she starts up the steps. The door closes, Manny knocking on it.

"You can't come on here, missy!" chastises the driver, opening the door.

"Let me on!" shouts Manny.

"Girl, I don't have time for your little temper...," begins the driver. "Hey, wait, you're...you're Miss Degrassi! I saw you on TV."

"Um...um, yeah," stammers Manny, then regaining her confidence. "Yeah, I am Miss Degrassi! So let me on...please?"

"For a bit," concedes the driver.

Manny tentatively gets on, feels the heat from the vents cross her face. She squints, glances around, though she can pick him out of any crowd. He's in the center, in a black ruffled coat, warm brown gaze focused on hers. She smiles, a couple catcalls filling her ears.

"Yes!" shouts Derek.

"If she's coming to camp, I'm coming every year," promises the boy next to Derek.

"Manny?" blurts out Toby, his jaw dropping.

"Good," whispers Manny, making her way to him. "No more Miss Santos."

"Good God," mutters Justin, staring at Manny.

Justin lifts his inhaler, takes a couple drags. Clara shakes her head, stares at her lap.

"I thought you weren't going to...," begins Toby.

"Track you down?" supplies Manny. "No, I would've found a way. Didn't help that your phone is mysteriously gone."

"It...it broke," mumbles Toby, smiling apologetically at her.

"Technology...it sucks," says Manny.

She can feel a dozen pair of eyes sizing her up after that statement.

"Oh...sorry," she says.

"This bus is eventually going to move, Manny," reminds Clara, looking up at her.

"Right...right, I'm wasting time embarrassing myself," sighs Manny. "So...um, anyways..."

Manny's mouth opens and closes, opens and closes, much like the bus doors. Toby stands , clearly wanting to hear something. She hasn't worked out how to say this at all. At the same time, the first time she said it, the most important thing she's said to him, that came out of nowhere. She can probably start with that.

"I love you, Toby," says Manny, taking his hand. "And...and you act like it, so that's why...why I'm going to wait. Whenever you say it, it'll mean just as much."

Clara lays her head against the bus seat, her lips quivering, but to Manny's comfort, Toby's eyes stay fixed on hers.

"Figure out what you need to," says Manny. "You're single, and if you come back single, then I'll know you want this as much as I do. If you don't, then...then I'll be sad. But happy...that you're happy, because we are friends. Well, right now we're more maybe? I don't know. Does that make sense?"

Toby nods enthusiastically, squeezes her hand.

"Okay, good," says Manny, letting out a deep breath.

"You came," says Toby, chuckling gently.

"I came," whispers Manny, smiling. "And...friends shouldn't kiss, but..."

Manny places one hand on Toby's chest, lets her lips find hers. The movement has become so natural, and she's sure this should never go away. No, it can't, as his lips mingle with hers, with him slowly pulling away.

"Wow," says Manny, resting her forehead against his.

"That's my line," kids Toby.

"Clear to go!" yells a voice.

"Okay, Harv!" shouts back the driver. "Yo, girlie! We're leaving!"

"Bye, Toby," says Manny, collecting him in his arms.

Behind Toby, she can see Clara, gazing at them with interest. Clara looking on really unnerves her, more than she admits. She can't take back what she said, though. And more importantly, she won't. Toby's choice would be his alone.

Manny releases him, touches his cheek. He has to be single at their next meeting, says Manny, her eyes tearing up. He has to be.

"Bye Manny," says Toby, offering her a sad smile.

"Enough cheesy romance!" calls out Derek. "This sickens me."

"Shut it!" barks Manny at Derek.

Derek groans, folds his arms. Manny goes to the front of the bus, glances at Toby for a last time, then goes out into the cold. The bus closes, the engine going, and the coach backs up, pulls off, the final image she sees being Clara, face pressed against the window, eyeing Manny. Manny shivers, hugs herself.

VI.

"_Circular MAPCAR and ANDCA'd negation,  
Indirect JMP auto-incrementation,  
Tangled spaghetti embroidered in stacks:  
These are a few of my favorite hacks_."

Derek sings at the top of his lungs, arm around Justin, who looks ready to throw up the hot chocolate in his thermos. Kytel Computer Camp is the same as a lot of other camps, with the lame introductions, the wood cabins with uncomfortable bunk beds, and the first night where they "bond" over witty computer songs. Clara knew them all, but told Toby she chose not to sing along. Toby, well, he isn't much of a singer in the first place, letting Ashley take that honor whenever it arose.

At least the labs were state-of-the-art, Clara leading him there as soon as Toby had settled into his bunk. It was ten times better than the Media Immersion labs, and after the camp leaders introduced themselves, he was sure that Clara talking up the camp for weeks is no exaggeration. Unsmudged monitors, clean keyboards, fast printers. Perfection.

And the person who paid for all this is waiting, waiting for him. The storm passed sometime during the evening, and he can see the stars twinkling over the Kytel campers, seated at picnic benches, eating pizza. Clara picks off her pepperoni, then the cheese.

"Are you eating any of that?" laughs Toby.

"Grease," says Clara. "Ewww."

"Pineapple's good," says Toby.

"Not much of a pizza person," reveals Clara. "Wanna go for a walk? Singing would be out of earshot."

"Alright," agrees Toby.

She and Toby stand, stroll over to a clearing where there's a lake, logs right in front. They sit, staring out into the water. The stars shine, shine as much as Manny does in his mind. Figure it out, his brain throbbing with the remembrance of her words. Figure it out.

"You glad I invited you?" asks Clara.

"Yeah, I am," answers Toby. "Thanks."

Clara grins, drags her foot in the dirt.

"What I'm thankful for...is...ugh, never mind," says Clara.

"Yeah?" encourages Toby.

"I'm thankful that you're single," continues Clara. "Because...I meant what I said too. Manny can pull the dramatics...that's her style, and good on that. That's not my style, though."

Her style? He'd never thought of it that way. He thought of it as Manny leading with her heart, which is just in her character, as much as it's in him.

"Oh," he says, all he can really say.

"Manny's last stand," says Clara. "Complete with a kiss."

Toby shrugs. Clara stares at the stars with him, inches closer.

"I'm patient," whispers Clara. "But if she's making a stand, then I have to too. Keep myself in the running. It may be hoping too much, like waiting for a star to fall but..."

Toby stares at her, starts to say something, can't when Clara presses her lips to his. The movement is soft, so sure on her end, so unsure on his.

"Am I still in the game?" asks Clara, taking her mouth off his.

Toby smiles, looks down.

**Stay tuned for the exciting epilogue! Who will Tobes choose? Dun dun dun!! Lol.**


	44. Causing A Commotion

**XLIV. Causing A Commotion**

_I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion  
I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion_

_You met your match when you met me  
I know that you will disagree it's crazy  
But opposites attract you'll see  
And I won't let you get away so easy_

_The love you save may be your own  
Can't fight this feeling, aren't you tired of being alone  
You won't admit it but you know it's true  
It's not a secret how I feel when I stand next to you_

_I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion  
I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion_

_Someday you'll see my point of view  
You can't keep wishing on the stars baby  
What works for me can work for you  
You've got to make a compromise and maybe_

_Then we can keep our love alive  
And when it falls we won't let it die  
It doesn't matter if you win or lose  
It's how you play the game so get into the groove_

_I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion  
I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion_

_Causing a commotion, causing a commotion  
Causing a commotion, causing a commotion_

_I hope you find what you're looking for  
Is it mine, walk through that door  
We're wasting time, make up your mind  
And get into the groove_

_Then we can keep our love alive  
And when it falls we won't let it dieIt doesn't matter if you win or lose  
It's how you play the game so get into the groove_

_I hope you find what you're looking for  
Is it mine, walk through that door  
We're wasting time, make up your mind  
And get into the groove_

_I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion  
I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion_

_Causing a commotion, causing a commotion  
Causing a commotion, causing a commotion_

_I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion  
I've got the moves baby, you got the motion  
If we got together we'd be causing a commotion_

**Waiting for a Star To Fall is the property of Boy Meets Girl.**

She traces the printed words with her thumb, the outline of her face with her forefinger. The clippings are cold to her touch, having been there more than a week. Students, fresh from vacation, pass her, notice the locker, offer her congratulations. Manny doesn't respond, gaze fixed on the pixel image, the memory coming to life in her mind. He said he didn't want to stop, but maybe he did. He pulled her closer to him that night, and now he's further away. Sighing, she picks up her bookbag, straps it to her back, staring a final time.

"Come on," says Emma, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Class is about to start."

Manny glances at her resolutely, eyes tearing up. "Do not make me go."

"Manny," whispers Emma, gently. "You know looking at that makes you sad. Homeroom."

Manny folds her arms, lays her head against the cool metal.

"Media Immersion isn't Media Immersion without my best," consoles Emma, smiling weakly. "Besides, I don't think Ms. Tellman wants you any more distracted after that ribbon ceremony fiasco."

Manny would have to reluctantly agree. Ms. Tellman didn't strip away her title, saying she understood first time jitters. However, she encouraged Manny to take a course in public speaking as a safety. Ugh, she'd grin and bear it, unlike certain other things. She nods at Emma, who loops arms with hers, nicely reminding her of them walking out shortly before she was crowned. Manny grins at her best friend as they walk into the Media Immersion room.

Snake sets up a projector, sneezes from some dust. J.T. and Liberty are taking this opportunity to stare googly-eyed at each other, making Manny's stomach ache. Darcy waves timidly at Manny, then flips through her small pocket Bible. Manny waves in response, finds a seat next to Emma. Her monitor shuts on, and she knows it's business as usual. School is in session.

Clara enters the room, hair flowing behind her. She places down two Sailor Moon folders in front of a seat not far from Manny, starts to type something.

"Ask her," encourages Emma, opening up her e-mail.

Manny darts her eyes to Clara, throat hurting. "Can't."

"She's the only link," points out Emma.

Emma is right. Manny slowly pushes her chair out, rises, walks to Clara, head down.

"Welcome home, Clara!" greets Manny, though barely audible.

"Hi, Manny," replies Clara, looking up, not smiling.

"So...how...how was it?" stammers Manny.

"Great actually," replies Clara. "Way more fun this year."

"Good," says Manny. "Um...do you know if...if..."

Ugh, I can't finish, moans Manny inwardly. Clara's the worst person she can ask. Too bad she's the only person she can ask.

"Do you know when Toby's coming home?" she blurts out in one breath.

"Tough to say," sighs Clara. "We totally killed in all the competitions. Best team ever. We won three grand prizes, and Toby...got himself an internship this spring. The school gave him an extension because he's presenting our project at a student conference. I'm taking notes for him."

What! She has all this information I don't! No, no, Manny thinks. Calm down. It makes sense since they were together, and she is happy for him for doing so well.

"Congratulations," offers Manny.

"And Manny, I'm...I'm sorry for all the bad stuff I said," says Clara, as earnest a tone as she can muster. "You helping Uncle Christian out says a lot about you and now that...well, the circumstances are different with us and Toby, there's no point in fighting anymore, right? We should get along."

"Yeah," breathes Manny.

"He was pretty set in his decision," says Clara. "For the best, I'm thinking."

Manny swallows a lump in her throat, winces when the bell sounds in her ears. She gives Clara a pained smile, barely feels her body move as she goes to her seat next to Emma, who giggles at an e-card Spinner has sent her. Emma turns to Manny, eyeing her hopefully.

"So what'd she say?" inquires Emma.

"She didn't have to say anything," replies Manny, sniffling. "He hasn't shown up, Clara's happy, taking notes for him, and I wasted my time. She even apologized to me, which I don't think she would do unless she wants to get along with her boyfriend's friends."

"Nothing's for sure," insists Emma.

"It's completely for sure," argues Manny, quietly.

Snake starts handing out worksheets, stalling their discussion. Emma keeps trying to initiate the discussion again, stops when her stepfather throws her warning looks. Numb, Manny completes the worksheet, barely able to concentrate. Somehow, she makes it through homeroom, following Emma out of the classroom.

Emma's cellphone vibrates. "Wonder who this is?"

"It's not Spinner?" asks Manny.

"He wouldn't call me in school," shuts down Emma.

Emma peers down at the number, raises her eyebrow.

"I'll meet you in Kwan's class," says Emma, quickly going down another corridor.

"Em!" calls Manny after her.

Great, she has to face the throngs of the hallway alone. Off to the side, she views Sean and Ellie, going through a guidebook, laughing, then looking lovingly at one another. Were they planning some type of trip? Maybe they'd have the time of their lives like Toby and Clara, she thinks. Ugh, when Clara said they were the best team ever, she felt like vomiting all over her anime-inspired school supplies.

Manny's sight finds her locker again. There are so many reasons to take it all down after that chat with Clara. He hasn't come home, hasn't contacted her, and she's sure he knows her phone number or Emma's or of course, J.T.'s. She stands in the middle of the hall, blinking at it.

"Hey, Manny," says Craig, holding hands with Ashley as they pass her.

Manny smiles pathetically at them, watches them go. Then, she realizes that Ashley also might be a good person to get something out of.

"Ashley!" calls Manny.

Ashley's forehead wrinkles, but she stops.

"Is Toby home yet?" she asks.

"Um, I don't know when he's coming back," says Ashley. "Sorry."

Ashley shrugs at Craig, and they continue to walk.

Manny lets out a huge, exasperated moan, heads for Kwan's class, wiping her eyes furiously.

II.

"These kneepads make my legs look scrawny," complains Emma, looking at her reflection in a black helmet.

Manny picks at some grass, stretches her legs on the asphalt. A crow caws in the distance, and cold air nips at her cheeks. Yeah, this is perfect weather for what Spinner suggested they do. Rollerblading. Manny really didn't think Emma would be up for it. However, lately, it seems Emma's willing to try anything to help their relationship. And yes, it has turned into somewhat of a relationship. Emma revealed that Spinner kissed her on New Year's at midnight, something Manny believed they had done before then, but had assumed wrong. Emma told her that sometimes assumptions can be wrong, and Manny's aware that can be true, but it's weird when the evidence is staring you in the face. Yesterday, with Clara, nailed that in.

Emma smooths out her khakis under the pads clinching her knees.

"Ready, honey pie?" asks Spinner, skating to her.

Emma throws him an annoyed glance. "We went over this."

"Dude, help me out!" cries Spinner. "Alright, no darling, sweetheart, sugar cup, nature babe..."

"Anything that sounds demeaning," informs Emma, strapping on her helmet.

"Sugar bear fine?" asks Spinner, glancing down shyly. "Like a teddy bear. Strong on the outside, inside a sweet personality?"

Emma turns red. "Yes, I like that one."

Manny's mouth drops. All this baby talk, and Emma going along with it? Eh, she's done corny stuff too, but Emma?

Spinner grins, skates proudly away.

"Emma!" whispers Manny.

"Shush," whispers Emma. "He's learning."

Manny laughs, the first laugh she's had in a few days. Emma awkwardly stands, increasing Manny laughter.

"See?" says Emma. "I knew this would be a good activity for all of us."

"Well, I'm not skating," says Manny. "Too many memories."

Too many memories for her. The skating, the kissing, the star-gazing. She had to look at the locker for two days now. Why does she put herself through it? Why did she say she'd wait? Because of what she said to Toby in their last meeting, that she loves him.

"Just remember that you're off to L.A. in a few short months," says Emma, putting a hand on Manny's head, trying to steady herself.

"Oww," groans Manny.

Although, the mention of that makes her slightly less melancholy. Her parents said they'd consider it. There was finances to discuss, and they wanted to meet Lia and her father, which worked out since Lia's father was dropping her off in Toronto after their ski trip.

"Cali?" speaks up Spinner, gliding to them. "That's where Kendra is. She's doing gymnastic clinics at Santa Clara."

Yes, Kendra. Yet another Toby connection she doesn't need right now. Only he wanted a relationship with Kendra, not her. The name "Clara" didn't help either. Emma tries to hit Spinner, ends up falling to the ground. Spinner bends down, helps Emma to her feet.

"Sorry, Manny," says Spinner.

Wrapping an arm around Emma's waist, he guides her to the center of the same street of Emma's house, the blades making a light swoosh. She watches them for awhile, Emma flailing around, her blonde hair covering her face at one point. Spinner patiently waited for her to get some sense of rhythm. Does patience really pay off? Here she is, having been patient, without anyone.

A car advances forward, door slams behind her, and she turns her head. J.T. leaves his car, grins, sits down at the sidewalk with her.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Mmm, nothing. Spinner's teaching Em how to do a move called the flamingo," answers Manny. "Seems to be enjoying it."

"You obviously aren't," says J.T.

"I'm not enjoying a lot of things," admits Manny. "My new year's horrible so far."

"It's still early in the year," comforts J.T. "How about I take you out to lunch tomorrow, lift your spirits?"

"J.T...," begins Manny.

"I don't like it that you're sad, especially if it's over my best friend," interrupts J.T., then doing his best puppy dog eyes. "Please."

"Such a goof," chastises Manny, trying not to smile. "Okay. I work, so come by the video store around eleven forty-five."

"Try to look pretty, Miss Degrassi," teases J.T., tugging at her ponytail.

Manny lightly punches him, seeing J.T. get into his car, backing up, and going down the street. She has to confess that she's surprised he's so concerned. Still, it's nice. Any distractions would be nice.

III.

"We're too old for _Dora the Explorer_," whines Beth, putting the DVD case in its proper place.

Manny glances up for a second, beams. Alyssa, Beth, and Alyssa's mom were milling about the store, on a real playdate. A playdate for Alyssa, who used to be so lonely. After the pageant, Manny can't help noticing her student's boost in confidence. Something tells her that the whole experience has been better for Alyssa than herself. She likes to think her finding her beauty ultimately helped Alyssa find her own beauty.

"Do you like _Cheetah Girls_?" says Alyssa.

Beth claps her hands. "That works."

Alyssa takes the box from the shelves, slides it across the counter towards Manny. Manny scans Alyssa's mother's card, leans down towards Alyssa.

"You should suggest a sleepover," whispers Manny.

"I've never had one of those," says Alyssa. "She might get bored."

"No way," insists Manny. "Watch TV, dance to music, eat a load of snacks...now's the time since the center's not opening 'til next week. Check with your mom."

Alyssa bites her lip, lets an exuberant smile cross. There'd be no more self-doubt, hopefully. No more duck drawing. Only swans and crowns, for a girl who really deserved it. As soon as Manny finds the DVD, Alyssa bounds behind the counter, hugs Manny.

Beth and Alyssa's mother approach the counter, Manny handing them the DVD after receiving the money.

"The center really benefitted from the pageant," speaks up Alyssa's mother. "Huge amount listed in the paper. The money the pageant raised is really going to help them out."

"Good," says Manny.

She couldn't read any of the pageant articles, afraid she'd find out she sounded like a spaz. However, she's sure the night was a success. She did thumb through Ellie's edition, which was actually written well. Her quotes were decent too.

"You look a little sad, dear," says Alyssa's mother. "Are you okay?"

Boy, is it that obvious? Being at Emma's house, she usually had everyone walking on eggshells, not mentioning anything. Even Snake was cautious regarding talking about computers, so Manny's fairly certain Emma told him not to. Here at the store, there are constant reminders: the backroom, the computer he used, the magazines she bought. Luckily, Clara's not working today, she soothes herself. No, Danny is bringing boxes in from the rear of the store.

"Totally fine," lies Manny, feeling a bit bad.

"Alright," says Alyssa's mother. "Girls, let's go."

"Bye Manny!" they cry out at the same time. "Jinx!"

Man, the kids hadn't forgotten the day they learned jinx. Manny waves good-bye, closes the cash register. Danny comes through the side door, positions a box next to Manny. He smirks, lets his arm circle Manny's shoulders.

"Hello, Manuella!" says Danny, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Hi," says Manny, balling her fists.

"Have you noticed how strong I am, lifting all these boxes?"

"Um...sure."

Danny steps a little closer to her, and she smells pure manly funk. Or boy funk. Definitely boy funk.

"Word on the street is that Toby left ya waiting," sighs Danny. "Tough. Real tough."

"Shut... up," says Manny through gritted teeth.

"If you were my baby, I'd never leave you," promises Danny. "I know it's just a matter of time before you fall for me too. Video store vest, thick hair, my straight B-plus average. And our...bus station hug, of course."

"Stop," groans Manny.

"Friends make the best lovers, baby doll," says Danny, puckering his lips. "I'm a trainee in serious need of training...in the ways of love."

Thank God for the tinkling of the bell on the door.

"Get away from my friend, Afro Puff," says J.T., shaking his head at Danny.

Danny drops his arm guiltily, with J.T. walking up to the counter, Emma following him.

"Mood ruiner," condemns Danny.

"There was no mood to ruin," says J.T. "Ready, Manny?"

Manny starts to unbutton her vest, spies Christian through the glass windows, aware she's free to go now.

"Let's go," replies Manny. "I'm surprised to see you here, Em."

"Uh...I was hungry," says Emma, shifting her gaze.

Manny pats Danny on the elbow, making him grin, joins J.T. and Emma as they exit the store.

"See ya, Christian," says Manny.

"See ya," says Christian, going inside.

All three climb into J.T.'s car, Manny in the front seat, seatbelt attached. J.T. flips on the heat, careens the car in a familiar direction. She has to admit that this isn't bad, being with her two closest friends, and the weather's gorgeous for a winter day. Despite the cold, sunshine filters into her window, warming her mid-section.

"Where are we going?" asks Manny.

"This place I know," answers J.T.

That's a vague response, though Manny's sure she's traveled this way. When they reach a side street, it clicks in her head. The mall. No doubt, the mall has some great places to eat, but she is tempted to tell J.T. to steer her home. Instead, she says nothing. Honestly, she's put J.T. and Emma through enough this past month, with the Toby situation. She's hoping someday things will return to normal with the four of them, with Clara unfortunately added in. Manny rolls her eyes. Suddenly, Danny flirting with her doesn't seem so bad if it meant not being in this car.

J.T. parks the car in the mall's parking lot, Emma and Manny getting out. After J.T. locks the door, they enter the mall, Emma's phone ringing.

"I'll meet you there in a sec," she says.

"Somebody must really love that girl," whispers Manny to J.T. "She got calls last night, today. Spinner's not a stalker, I don't think."

J.T. chuckles. "At least we hope he isn't."

They go past a couple stores, a movie theater with a huge line filtering out, a CD store with blaring music. The music is so loud it startles her. What startles her more is where J.T. has lead her. Manny shuts her eyes, feels tears coming.

"Why here, J.T.?" she says.

"Enchiladas are yummy," says J.T., shrugging.

Emma jogs up to them, stares at Manny.

"If you guys think I'm going in there...," starts Manny.

"Face your fears," interjects Emma. "Going to one place shouldn't cause you all this anxiety. Not healthy."

Manny opens her eyes, the place she ran from not too long ago, right there. Waiters clear tables, forks digging into chili or pitas, light conversations swarming all the way to where she stands. There are no cameras, no expectations, yet it feels a bit harder, harder to be here. But she's strong, stronger than she was a month ago. Every bullet that came her way, she bit it, rose to the occasion. She came into this restaurant after losing Craig, and she'd go in after losing Toby. All that matters is how she feels about herself in the long run, and she really likes herself a lot more than before.

"Tacos are good," says Manny, taking a deep breath.

J.T. and Emma exchange a smile, each of them placing a hand on Manny's back, propelling her forward. That gesture helps, too. A waiter leads them to a table in the center, provides them with water, and they sit.

"Not many vegetarian options," mutters Emma, glancing at the menu.

"They could bring you a bowl of beans," says J.T., winking at Emma. "Beans, beans, the magical fruit..."

Emma throws a straw wrapper at him. J.T. ducks, laughs. Manny folds her hands together, stares at them. She doesn't want to be a drag or anything. It's coming naturally, though. Maybe she should just leave.

"I'm sure we can talk something other than beans," says Emma.

"Hmmm, let's solve Manny's boy problem," offers J.T., not at all timid.

"Excuse me!" cries Manny.

"There's a cute guy in S.I.T.E." mentions Emma, sipping her water. "Musician too. Plays the tuba."

"Nah," says J.T. "There's this guy in Computer Club, so much cooler than half the guys in there. Manny's moved on from musicians."

"I...I can't believe you two are...," stammers Manny.

"Oh, that's true," sighs Emma. "She likes nerds now."

This is insane. They're trying to fix her up, having known everything that has happened, all the pain she has to move past. Cruel, messed up, insensitive. Those were the more polite words going through her mind. She chooses to listen to the music coming from the stage, much more pleasing. The same guy who sang the night of their date is up there, apron covering a blue dress shirt and jeans.

_I hear your name whispered on the wind _

_It's a sound that makes me cry _

_I hear a song blow again and again _

_Through my mind and I don't know why_

_I wish I didn't feel so strong about you _

_Like happiness and love revolve around you _

She was a fool to believe it all meant something. The horoscopes, the signs he gave her, the time she gave him. Fate is for fools, she thinks.

"It can't be that hard to find a nerd," says Emma. "Well, a nice one."

"That's true," reasons J.T., bunching his napkin.

Manny shakes her head at both of them. She can't take it anymore.

_Trying to catch your heart _

_Is like trying to catch a star _

_So many people love you baby _

_That must be what you are _

_Waiting for a star to fall _

_And carry your heart into my arms _

_That's where you belong _

_In my arms baby, yeah _

"I would never expect this from you guys," says Manny, a couple tears falling down her cheeks. "You expect me to fall for someone else, completely knowing I'm hurting, and...I guess, have me with any guy that's single?"

"Well, I'm still single," speaks up a sweet voice right behind her.

The voice warms and chills her, thrills her, makes her afraid. Goosebumps line her left arm, hair standing at the nape of her neck. Funny how one voice can make you feel alive. Through wet eyelids, she sees him, the image becoming clearer and clearer. Black glasses cover the brown gaze that has given her so much comfort. He wears the same outfit he wore to the restaurant weeks ago, a flattering dress shirt, slacks, and silk tie. Toby smiles down at Manny.

Manny hesitantly stands, blushing.

"Oh my gosh," breathes Manny, resting her fingers against Toby's chest.

He's here, she thinks. He's really here.

"Oh, look, it wasn't hard to find a nice nerd at all," speaks up J.T.

Manny glances at J.T. and Emma, triumphant smiles on both their faces.

"You guys!" she exclaims. "This was planned?"

"It was Toby's idea!" defends Emma. "He's been blowing up my phone for two days."

"And I provided the transportation," says J.T. "By the way, that ends today. Can't keep driving you two to each other."

Manny laughs, focuses on Toby again. Toby brushes back some of her loose hair, beams at her.

_I've learned to feel what I cannot see_

_But with you I lose that vision _

_I don't know how to dream your dream _

_So I'm all caught up in superstition _

_I want to reach out and pull you to me _

_Who says I should let a wild one go free _

"Not very subtle, are you?" jokes Manny.

"Not when it's someone I like," replies Toby.

"You're single," repeats Manny to herself. "You're single."

"Definitely," assures Toby. "All this has been hard, but falling for you, pretty easy."

Manny shakes her head in disbelief. Clara made it seem like Toby had chosen her, or like she thought before, she'd made the wrong assumption.

"Clara said you did awesome," says Manny. "I'm proud of you. The camp..."

"No more camp talk, okay?" interrupts Toby.

"Okay?" says Manny, giving him a puzzled look. "I just figured you'd like to talk..."

Toby softly places one hand against the curve of her neck, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"After the first night, the only person I had to talk to was you," says Toby. "To say what I should've said awhile ago."

Manny's stomach is a whirlwind at this point, making light waves that hurt a little. Every time she expects him to say it, he doesn't. Any time he can say it, there's something else, someone else. Maybe he has to tell her that he's single, but it's Clara he wants. The whole thing is making her exhausted. Let him say it, get it over with. Keep the bruises coming while she's still knocked down.

"Whatever it is, I can take it," lies Manny.

"I'm in love with you, Manny," says Toby, in a tone more confident than she can take.

He's not avoiding her gaze, or slouching, or even worried. Manny begins to cry, shoulders rocking, chest rising, yet managing a hopeful smile.

"Say it again," chokes out Manny. "Please."

"I'm in love with you," says Toby, then letting his mouth meet hers.

A joyous cry escapes her lips, arms pulling him closer. It is almost as if every doubt, fear collapses in this kiss, and she feels free. Freedom to fall apart, with him in the wings so he can build her back up. That's what's really happened for weeks. The kiss keeps going, until her mouth is pretty much numb. She breaks away, reluctantly, strokes his cheeks.

"Lost my appetite," bemoans J.T., though even he appears somewhat sentimental.

"Let's dance then," suggests Emma, grabbing J.T.'s hand, leading him to the floor.

"Don't fall in love with me," warns J.T., glancing at Toby and Manny. "That seems to be catching among friends nowadays."

J.T. and Emma go to the center of the floor, swaying gently to the music. Manny leads Toby there as well, guides his hands to grasp her waist. They move to the rhythm, Manny wrapping her arms around Toby's head.

"You remember I said I love you, right?" whispers Manny, beaming.

"Wouldn't mind hearing it again," says Toby.

"I'm in love with you," says Manny, proudly.

Toby looks at the floor for a second, leans in to kiss her again.

"Wait," commands Manny, stopping him.

"Yeah?" says Toby.

"Nothing," says Manny, giggling. "I just wanted to make you wait for me to be ready."

Toby chuckles. "Yeah...I deserve that."

"You also deserve this," says Manny, kissing him again.

As the dance, the music gets softer, fades, lingers until it finally sleeps. The pulse of the energy it leaves behind fills all areas. Echoes sound across tables, past people, throughout the mall, meeting various walls. The melody massages many ears, music floating into them, as if it's a word from a friend that you instantly love to hear.

_**Author's Note:**_

**Hey, readers! Well, that was a long story. While you were reading this, I wonder if **_**you **_**wondered why I attempted a Toby/Manny fanfic. I've never really said why. Well, around season five, I think, I was watching Degrassi with someone else, who really likes Toby, and she thought he deserved a girlfriend. Try as we did, we couldn't come up with anyone, until she suggested Ms. Manny Santos. Like I'm sure some of you felt, I was like, no way, won't work, uh-uh. Then I went back, rewatched the eps, and came to really appreciate how consistent and adorable their friendship is. It's actually the most appealing to me out of J.T./Toby/Emma/Manny since we never really get J.T./Emma scenes after a certain point, or Toby/Emma that much. To turn that into a romance I thought would be near impossible, until I started noticing some character similarities and differences that could actually lead to them dating. I thought no one would read it, since it's a UC that involves Toby, who's not the most popular boy, and Manny, who's way more developed than Toby. So I wrote with hesitation, until around chapter five, when I just felt the need to keep going. Must've been that runway show. :P Zoolander! I was truly happy when people started reading and reviewing it, for all three couples, but Tobanny specifically. **

**PinkPrincess (Joa) even came up with a shipper name for them, Spepper, so I really, really appreciate that people were so open to the idea. If they'll ever happen,...eh, I'm not counting on it, but I really do enjoy the potential they could have.**

**About three of you know this, but I am conceptualizing a sequel to "Cherish". It would follow Spepper as the main couple, following Manny to her L.A. drama camp, but Toby would get equal time as I introduce an individual narrative problem for him. You may've been wondering why Lia suddenly appears at the VERY end of the story. Because I pull crazy stuff like that...no, I'm just kidding. That's why. Then I'd follow CrAsh on Ashley's tour, Sellie in Toronto, and I'm actually giving Spinner/Emma their time to shine. I usually throw in one random couple to get some type of reaction (Derek/Darcy or Toby/Manny). ****I loved writing Spemma so much, I think I want to develop them somehow. ****I'm thinking this sequel will appear mid-summer sometime, as I have to finish the J.T. fanfic and a couple other projects I've promised to do. The sequel would be darker, and a more bittersweet. I usually do a fluffier/romantic one, and then an angsty one (a la Nowhere to Run). Then again, I put Spepper through a lot in this fic. Lol. **

**Anyway, thanks so much for the reviews. They were very encouraging, especially when it's a longer story. The biggest compliment I've gotten is that it made you consider Tobanny, even if you ship other ships. That's very touching to me, so I'm thankful for the few who said that. It's been a pleasure writing for you. Stinkin' long writer's note. Lol. **

**Nikki**


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